Let's Do It! XCOM: ENEMY UNKNOWN

[Integrity]

Today's logs update brought to you by me, because this thread has started to violate Furetchen's computer for no discernible reason.

Audio Transcript of Operation Morbid Breath

1819 to 1821, July 25 2015.

Augustine Crowe: General van Doorn? Augustine Crowe, X-COM. You're coming with us.

van Doorn: X-COM! Well, it's about damn time!

Crowe: With respect, sir, you may wish to step down under this rock. And die less.

van Doorn: Say, son, how many missions you fought? I don't recognise you from anything-

Crowe: We are actively being fired upon sir kindly fucking duck down.

van Doorn: Pah! Y'all don't know how to handle the alien menace. These thin man folks're just a buncha pussies!

General van Doorn steps out of cover.

van Doorn: Y'ALL HEAR ME, MOTHERFUCKERS?! A BUNCHA PUSSIES!!

Crowe: JESUS CHRIST GET DOWN

van Doorn: YEAH, PUSSIES... PUSSIES AND HIPPIES! AND LIB'RALS!

Crowe: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING JESUS CHRIST THIS IS MY FIRST MISSION

van Doorn: MAKE ME, MUTHAFUCKA! I DON'T TAKE NO ORDERS FROM X-COM ROOKIES-

Crowe: Oh, it's ON, bitch!

Crowe and van Doorn scuffle; eventually Crowe pistolwhips van Doorn

Crowe: SUCK IT DOWN, BITCH- hey, wait, is that a grena-

An explosion. Crowe's comm-link shorts out.

<Soldier's Log, Colonel Ciaran 'Furetchen' Gunnington, August 3 2015>

Man, can you believe it? With this new revelation, the war is practically won! Our descendants will truly look upon this day as the moment that X-COM mounted the summit to victory.

'Cause I found out that that Pene-de-Hierro dude's name means IRONDICK!

Man, those aliens are fucked.

<end log>

[IGdood]

lololol

Beat the game this morning, starting over on Classic difficulty.

[Integrity]

Last for the night. I wanted to rush to PSIONICS.

[spoiler=omggggggggggggggg]

gayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

It's only Difficult so I bring a couple extra recruits.

BALCERZAK IS INVINCIBLE

Furetchen preached to this Berzerker, dropped it to 1 health. Immediately following, the Berzerker rushed Furetchen, moved within 4 squares of him, provoked reaction fire, and died.

I hate the stupid laser drones.

Furetchen can move for-fucking-ever with the Skeleton Suit.

Well THAT'S an interesting pile.

Balcerzak is still a reaction shot champion.

Emery, oddly, hit where Balcerzak and Ein missed.

Strider ain't afraid of you.

In the Zone! is so amazing.

Two overlapping Snipers with Plasma is so amazing.

Y'know? He shot Strider. He dies now.

Furetchen JUMPS TWO STORIES to kill him. spread the Good News.

NEW ABILITIES! Ein can now carry two utility items. Balcerzak ...uh, I think he picked up Disabling Shot.

It's very difficult but I couldn't NOT bring Emery, y'know? It's China.

That man-shape is Furetchen. This Floater deliberately redeployed close to Furetchen.

WHY DO CYBERDISCS HAVE GRENADES

There were, like, four enemies that turn. All but one died.

That one jumped next to DOGA.

....who only has an lmg i may have underestimated armored floaters

Ein and the Wutz bail him out, though. Shit's cash.

LUMI now ('Casino'? Really?) picked up Shredder Rocket.

huh what

oh FUCK that.

Sure.

Thin Men? I'm a little insulted.

Augustine bails Furetchen out of a bit of a sticky spot, causing a bit of a paradox as Furetchen saves Furetchen while covered by Furetchen.

SOULSHITTER DOES NOT CARE

I like it when Rookies get shot, panic, return fire, kill their assailant, and promote.

WHY WON'T YOU DIE SKITARII

hmm

okay

Soulshitter got extra health. Specter receives less damage while in cover. Augustine got Holo-Targeting (the enemies you're shooting are more vulnerable thing).

Also, Furetchen has 39 kills.

Ignore the big supply ship for just a liiiiittle bit aaaaand

Fucking HIM?!

[IGdood]

THE FUCK, HIM?

And why won't I diiiiiiieeeee

[riariadne]

oh shit

psychic ironcock

[peener weener]

;)

you know you love the ironcock

Edited October 15, 2012 by Stolypin Necktie

[eclipse]

Who cares, that's awesome~! Also boo that Balcerzak can't carry on his proud legacy of mind melding.

[Parrhesia]

Psionic Testing: Colonel Ciaran 'Furetchen' Gunnington

Dr. Ivander: Now, Colonel, I want you to sit down right here. You comfortable? Good.

Col. Gunnington: Uh... why do you need these straps? Why is there a CHAIN there?

Dr. Ivander: It's perfectly simple. We're just going to flash a number of lights at you, fuelled by alien technology. All you have to do is tell me what images you see in them.

Col. Gunnington: A'ight. Sounds pretty easy.

Dr. Ivander: The test will start in ... three, two, one...

Col. Gunnington: Alright... uhh...

Dr. Ivander: Are you seeing anything?

Col. Gunnington: Um... a big pair of tits... a gun... a moustache... a missile launcher... a naked female Muton with seven breasts...

Dr. Ivander: Colonel, are you actually telling the truth or just fantasising? ... Seven-breasted Muton?

Result: No Gift

Operation Unceasing Fear

Audio Transcript

Furetchen: A'ight, fuckers, I'm the commanding officer here so I get to fuck around with you, new meat. Any questions?

A. Crowe: Your nickname is really fucking dumb. Is there any way I can get one that doesn't sound fucking retarded?

Furetchen: ... Keep your mind on the mission, Squaddie. Now you just listen to me or I'll pop a cap in your ass.

M. O'Rourke: Do plasma shotguns technically have 'caps'?

Furetchen: I hate you with all my hate. Now, disembark!

Deathmetal: KILLFUCK SOULSHITTER FEARS NOTHING

M. O'Rourke: What the fuck is her deal?

Furetchen: Don't question her. She gets results. Which is why she earns promotions and is not a scrub.

A. Crowe: Hey, ain't my fault I've only been in one mission.

Furetchen: Well, yeah, it's called 'not being good enough to bother using.'

A. Crowe: Oh, it's on now. You seem to be under some pressure there, 'Furetchen'.

Furetchen: It's just some men in black, no big deal-

A. Crowe: WANT SOME HELP, FURETCHEN

Furetchen: Wait wait what are you doing-

A. Crowe: THIS LOOKS LIKE A ROCKET COULD REALLY FUCKING HELP YOU FURETCHEN

Furetchen: OH GOD WHY-

Sounds of an explosion.

Furetchen: ... Huh. You actually helped?

A. Crowe: Well, yeah. I AM looking out for a promotion. What did you think I was gonna do?

Furetchen: Man, maybe you aren't cut out for X-COM after all.

A. Crowe: What the fuck makes you say that?

Furetchen: You don't appear to be criminally insane.

<Soldier's Log, Colonel Ciaran 'Furetchen' Gunnington, August 23 2015>

Another cool thing about Irondick is he's psychic or something, I guess. You know what? Fuck him. We don't need his kind here! Let's just bleed the alien the old fashioned way, with guns and tanks and fucking bayonets! Oo-rah! Fucking mutant.

fucking rigged psychic test bullshit

that 'first psion' should totally have been me

what kind of name is irondick anyway

<end log>

[Ike-Mike]

There is that saying that a penis has a mind of its own, but this is just ridiculous.

[Integrity]

I just remembered that we have a building called the Foundry that's supposed to improve our weaponry. i am a winner.

[IGdood]

And you somehow survived on Classic difficulty. I'm already getting raped on the bomb defusing mission.

[riariadne]

I just remembered that we have a building called the Foundry that's supposed to improve our weaponry. i am a winner.

You're just handicapping yourself so you don't smash the game in half

[Integrity]

[spoiler=omgggggggggggggggg]

Hyperwave Relay is fucking amazing, guys. Just read that. I guess there're 15 aliens!

uh.

GUYS I FOUND THE UFO

The pictures almost speak for themselves. Every time I would pause to reload, or a section of wall would come down, MORE ENEMIES.

It's a good thing KILLFUCK fears nothing.

I don't like Chryssalids.

1: hey 15 aliens

2: Ether just looks so amazing in that screenshot.

NEW ABILITIES! Strider now gets two actions per Overwatch. Ether can now shoot at enemies his squad can see. Ironcock can now induce panic in enemy troops.

(it has a jetpack)

7 aliens. Was that some kind of joke?

NEW ABILITIES! Ether now benefits from the high ground more better. Boron now takes reaction fire at enemies who get too close.

(it has a stealth pack)

18, man, that's more like it.

Furetchen earns a jetpack and a helmet. I don't know why I decided to put the helmet on him, it just fit.

Various new armors and shit.

Specter kills a Muton WITH HIS BRAIN. BRAINFUCK does 5 damage in addition to some debuffs. It ignores cover. It does have a chance to hit, but I haven't seen it below 69% (lol) and that was an incredibly long shot iirc. Usually it's 89-100%.

THE IRONCOCK FUCKS YOU

well hello

sectopods are back

That's how we're gonna combat it, Doc V.

Ether shot a Berzerker in the back with his pistol. The Berzerker intimidated Ether. Ether panicked and shot the Berzerker in the back with his pistol, killing it.

After I clicked 'ok', Ironcock whispered "you. are going. to die." It was fucking beautiful.

OH CHRIST BORON

The turn before, I had used Ether's grappling hook to put him on some Damn Good Ground. I fucking love that grappling hook.

Also, offscreen, Furetchen uses his jetpack to fly down and kill the other with his flak cannon.

Apparently the Floater made his Will save and shot Boron :|

EDIT: that's furetchen. im a genius.

I could have killed it too but I WANTED TO STUN IT

nothing is safe from furetchen now

nothing

NEW ABILITIES! Specter can now remove Panic and Mindfuck from friendlies in a radius, while boosting their Will. Ether can now throw a sensor drone that provides extra line-of-sight. Ironcock now does double damage to robotic enemies.

Oh, also, Ironcock can now MIND CONTROL.

So this thing I've been neglecting lets my engineers convert all of my infinite Frag Grenades into Alien Grenades. And invent tanks. And invent better pistols. And upgrade the SCOPE.

And let me hack enemy drones.

3 Psions, and they're all Heavies.

Edited October 15, 2012 by Mr. Sparkles

[Rehab]

Ghost armor on dudes (more specifically, aggressively specced assaults) with alloy cannons is the best thing. Or at least among the many best things. Doubleshot autocrit/standing in somebody's face for a turn and then doubleshotting aw yer

Got my own not-iron classic game finished, was at least as hard as I was told it'd be going in new, but definitely great fun. Been trying to get an ironman pt going and actually name characters after peeps, but I manage to mess up the council missions a lot, and have had to start over.

Not to cramp Integ's thread, but to the peeps who've played the game some, what are your favorite starting spots/most important research priorities/facility production? I've been told Africa is a contender for most appealing/versatile, given its help with a resource that's going to be tight a lot and is useful from beginning to end, but I quickly started missing NA's bonus when I saw how expensive satellites were/are elsewhere. I've heard people advise prioritizing satellites and either laser weapons or armor research, but the former seems hard to churn out given how few engineers we start with, and the latter seems to take a really long time just to research. Gimme opinions

I think this is the first game where I'd not only pay, but straight up ask for even more cosmetic DLC

[spoiler=something approaching, natch, a spoiler]and either an ending or even just a sufficiently intriguing "TO BE CONTINUED" would be nice, too

[Integrity]

[spoiler=omggggggggggggggggg]

Starting to roll some littler dudes into the mix to get some XP flowing.

That HAS to have been a graphics issue. HAS to.

what in the fuck

...

whelp.

hahahahaha go fuck your friends fucker

They're literally asking me to rocket them.

The Cyberdisc's deathsplosion killed the Elite. :D

i swear to god i didn't kill them

seriously

bzzzzzzzzzzzzzt

NEW ABILITIES who gives a fuck anymore.

That's a really interesting way to fail to kill Furetchen, my friend.

Using Thin Men as scouts against Thin Men is so \o/

Monica is going to go for the cover fire build, since she's practical.

oh god it's a building

it's a fuckmassive building and i brought the wutz instead of killfuck

jesus christ jose 1hkod a cyberdisc with reaction fire

HOLY FUCK

...

they weren't in cover. jose mind controlled one muton. the wutz IN THE ZONEd four enemies in one turn.

Well, that's what Blood Call does!

funny story: it warned me that I would damage friendlies with this 'nade.

Ether's scoutbot is extraordinarily useful.

Boron just does not give a single fuck about that explosion.

Ein's Medkits (after this research that's going up at the time of this screenshot) are now three-use and heal like 10hp.

penis

I ignored him. An Abduction mission set popped up minutes later. Coincidence?

FUCK

MUTON

ELITES

DEATH FROM ABOVE MOTHERFUCKER

BORON IS MY FAVORITE UNIT

EIN SAVED EVERYBODY'S LIVES

EVERYBODY'S

!

We shot down the Overseer! Finally!

let's roll

Edited October 16, 2012 by Mr. Sparkles

[peener weener]

you mean let's roll

[Integrity]

you mean let's roll

of course I do

[Balcerzak]

So, someone elsewhere requested fanart of a Chryssalid as as a monstergirl, and someone delivered it, and I saved it to my hard-drive.

I forgot about it for a day or two, but I now present it to you fine men and women.

[spoiler=dat grin]

[Ein]

Big, meaty, claws.

It looks bad by the way.

Edited October 16, 2012 by Ein

[riariadne]

The Overseer! With Ethereal!

Let's rock.

[Rehab]

dat grin

[IGdood]

Not to cramp Integ's thread, but to the peeps who've played the game some, what are your favorite starting spots/most important research priorities/facility production? I've been told Africa is a contender for most appealing/versatile, given its help with a resource that's going to be tight a lot and is useful from beginning to end, but I quickly started missing NA's bonus when I saw how expensive satellites were/are elsewhere. I've heard people advise prioritizing satellites and either laser weapons or armor research, but the former seems hard to churn out given how few engineers we start with, and the latter seems to take a really long time just to research. Gimme opinions

[spoiler=something approaching, natch, a spoiler]and either an ending or even just a sufficiently intriguing "TO BE CONTINUED" would be nice, too

I go for Europe because they do everything faster, and i tend to not use explosives as often as I should (Classic is really different from Normal difficulty) in order to maximize alloy and weapon fragment collection. Money rolls in since I spam satellite uplinks....though that's assuming I get enough engineers and elerium for a elerium generator. My start tends to be a very slow and bloody run, but once I get things running my forces are unstoppable.

But I'd go for lasers first, because bullets do jack shit to anything beyond Thin Men.

Also capturing live specimens and interrogating them speeds up your research credit, so it's good to give someone an Arc Thrower. You also get free weapons since the plasma rifles don't self destruct, but unfortunately they can't be used until you research the appropriate plasma tech.

Edited October 16, 2012 by skitarii

[Esau of Isaac]

The very best strategy is to start on Africa and capitalize on Satellite Uplink and satellite building to expand the network as early as possible. The extra income you will receive will allow you to purchase more equipment, more satellites, more interceptors, etc.

It's easily the best strategy to start with, bar none.

[Rehab]

I can't say I disagree that it has a ton going for it, but it's also hard to build shit really early- you either need to just plain wait a month, take multiple engie missions, or spend a fair chunk of dosh on a workshop or two and then a power station (or some combination) to get that first satellite room. It's something just about everybody has to deal with, to be sure, but I've found Europe serviceable in that it makes those first couple workshops easier, though I don't doubt Africa picks up the difference and runs with it pretty soon after. I'm really anal about losing countries, though, and it seems like it takes some luck to not lose at least a couple relatively early, using Africa.

Aaaaaand in trying to save one KO'd squaddie in my latest Iron Euro venture, I got pretty much everybody else with a single mission to their names dead, and failed the first council/graveyard bomb defusal mission, when I only had to let one Thin Man come to me and it would've been a wrap. GG me

Also everybody I've named after a forum member so far (which hasn't been many yet, admittedly) except for Kdanger (who basically became Batman) has been struck down by cowardice or traitorous rockets Nightmare by both at the same time. Getting a little wary here

Edited October 17, 2012 by Rehab

[peener weener]

you don't have an ironcock is what's up