Roy: Marquess of Pherae Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 To cut a long story short, I was in a relationship with this girl. She stopped messaging me and was less friendly. I asked her if I was bothering her and she said yes. Than she decided she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. I asked her why. She said "I guess the spark just died." Then she asked if we could just be friends. Why do people behave this way... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cowboy Karimov Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 (edited) Because people are selfish. This is why I don't bother with relationships. That and Jesus is more important. Edited March 8, 2014 by HeavyBrawlsGuy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Unless you can read her mind, it's impossible to say what she truly meant by that. Can't really advise you much, since I started dating when I was a good deal older than you, and I'm not going to pry into your personal life (nor do I think it's a good idea to make it public). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nobody Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 (edited) Why do people behave this way... because she isn't interested in you anymore. Nothing wrong with that, better than she trying to fool you (and herself) into having a relationship she doesn't want anymore. Edited March 8, 2014 by Nobody Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roy: Marquess of Pherae Posted March 8, 2014 Author Share Posted March 8, 2014 Unless you can read her mind, it's impossible to say what she truly meant by that. Can't really advise you much, since I started dating when I was a good deal older than you, and I'm not going to pry into your personal life (nor do I think it's a good idea to make it public). No one I know in person is on this forum. I don't really know who else to talk about it with. I just wish I knew what went wrong. I'm not trying to sound like the sterotypical teenager, I just don't really know how to deal with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 No one I know in person is on this forum. I don't really know who else to talk about it with. I just wish I knew what went wrong. I'm not trying to sound like the sterotypical teenager, I just don't really know how to deal with this. You don't know who will come looking in the future. For things like this, it's better to keep it out of the public eye. If you absolutely need to vent to someone, do it via PM. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magical CC Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 (edited) Well, you can ask her out as a friend. Dont do it now, wait for a good opportunity. Treat her as if she is your friend. You can invite some other friends, someone who know both of you, no matter. Dont do anything rash. I repeat, dont do anything rash. If she is okay with that, then it means the spark really died and you can at least be her friend. But if she is irritated, then it means she actually hates you now. And in both cases, well, there is no hope for you. And why do people behave this way....hmm, when you lose interested in a game, you stop playing it and it's the same with relationship, especially when both of you have no bound...for example, a kid. Some may try to mend the relationship but some dont even bother. It doesnt help that young people tend to change alot and they also dont treasure immaterial things a lot so....that's it. Edited March 8, 2014 by Char Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Superbus Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 (edited) To cut a long story short, I was in a relationship with this girl. She stopped messaging me and was less friendly. I asked her if I was bothering her and she said yes. Than she decided she didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. I asked her why. She said "I guess the spark just died." Then she asked if we could just be friends. Why do people behave this way... This will happen over and over, well into adulthood. Move on, and find a new woman. You will be shocked at how easy it is once you find someone with a spark. EDIT: By the way, if you don't think these roles will be reversed at some point in your life, you're naive. Edited March 8, 2014 by Superbus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roy: Marquess of Pherae Posted March 8, 2014 Author Share Posted March 8, 2014 This will happen over and over, well into adulthood. Move on, and find a new woman. You will be shocked at how easy it is once you find someone with a spark. EDIT: By the way, if you don't think these roles will be reversed at some point in your life, you're naive. Yeah I mean a woman who doesn't want my attention is probably not the right one to have around, anyways. I think I need to just get in the thought process that it happened and it's over instead of worrying. That's the hard part. I need a distraction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shin Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Yeah I mean a woman who doesn't want my attention is probably not the right one to have around, anyways. I think I need to just get in the thought process that it happened and it's over instead of worrying. That's the hard part. I need a distraction. Let things progress naturally. Rather than trying to plan for all sorts of situations, accept it has happened and you'll have learned from the experience. It might take a while, but one day you'll be able to look back and think "I learned from this." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freohr Datia Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 (edited) Because people are selfish. This is why I don't bother with relationships. That and Jesus is more important. I... really don't agree with the way you're thinking at all... For a relationship to work, you need to make sure that both sides are interested. If she's or even he's lost interest then it's better off that that relationship doesn't continue. I wouldn't want to force something on anybody who isn't willing and I wouldn't want them to force themselves. That just kind of makes it.... not even a relationship anymore. Which is why it's perfectly reasonable for that girl to want to end it and it's not unfair and "selfish" like you seem to view it. Sorry if this has made you upset Roy, but this is still only the beginning and there will be plenty of time to find somebody else~ Edited March 8, 2014 by Freohr Datia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shin Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 It's not selfish per say, but it's a little unkind not to communicate a little better. Of course, we don't know the exact situation, but in general a "k thanks bye" isn't the most considerate of moves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brendor Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Don't worry about that kinda stuff. Just do what I do; climb a mountain and lookout from the summit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junkhead Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 The least I can say is, I'm sort of glad this person went straight to the point and telling you that it would be best to end it. Why? Because apparently, some people seem to think that ignoring a person is the best course of action, rather than outright stating that they have no interest and save them from possible persistance for answers, in the future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Freohr Datia Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 (edited) It's not selfish per say, but it's a little unkind not to communicate a little better. Of course, we don't know the exact situation, but in general a "k thanks bye" isn't the most considerate of moves. It could have been that she was still wondering what to do or uncertain how she really felt. But it is also true that maybe she did know how she felt and she wasn't communicating~ I just know I have a huge problem of worrying too much about how I really feel and I'd often want to settle it with myself before saying anything about it. I'm pretty easy to confuse Somehow I feel like that wasn't HBG's point when he was accusing her of selfishness, but I dunno x3 Maybe he was referring to that~ Edited March 8, 2014 by Freohr Datia Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roy: Marquess of Pherae Posted March 8, 2014 Author Share Posted March 8, 2014 Yeah, schools going to be rough. Especially since we were such close friends. The girl was all mushy and everything was going great. She said I was perfect and once said that she felt like I gave her purpose. It was really sweet and all of a sudden, I have to force her to admit that "the spark just died". I'm a bit lost now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brendor Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 Just focus on school honestly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krevin Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 You're young, and I'm gonna go out on a limb and assume she's young too. You've both got raging hormones dictating your every thought and probably have more on your shoulders than you think is fair, what with school and family life and friends and everything else in life. It might feel like the end of the world right now, and that's okay, grieving is part of letting go. But, don't dwell. Give yourself a couple days to be sad about it, and then do you. Take yourself out on a date, throw on your favorite outfit and take yourself out for dinner. Remind yourself of the catch that you are, and that you aren't defined by your relationships. Then get back out on the prowl and try it again. As for a reason? Like I said, you're both young. Relationships at that age are so fragile, literally anything could end it. I had a relationship end because I didn't spend enough time with the girl (and now we're good friends but like 6 years later), I had one end because the girl got bored, I had one end because she liked somebody else (we were only together 2 weeks and she dates the other guy for close to 3 years, then dumped him and lezzed out, so I ain't mad), and I had a few end for no reason at all. And that's something you have to learn to expect in high school relationships, is that sometimes they just end. And it sucks, but it starts to suck less eventually. Sorry kiddo </3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FionordeQuester Posted March 8, 2014 Share Posted March 8, 2014 (edited) Hmm...gosh...I'm not sure I know what to say. Because quite frankly, I'm 20, and still have not been in any real relationship. I had a friend I was interested in, and took her to senior prom, but she said she wasn't interested, so she spared me the misery of being led on at least. And of course, we're still best buds. I guess if I had to give advice, it would be this. I think it takes more than just sexual attraction, or infatuation, to sustain a relationship. Just as hormones flare up and explode, they can also shrivel up and die for short periods of time before flaring back up again. I think the mistake a lot of people make is that they go through the withering period, and mistake that for them not being in love with their honey anymore, so, either because they're confused, or because that physical attraction really was the only thing there, they break up and look for someone else. And I think what people need to do is look at a person, and figure out what kind of person they are before trying to commit to them. They need to look at them, assume that the attraction won't always be there, and say "ok, but is he still an amazing person to be around, even when I'm not feeling it? And how diligent and committed are they to their promises? Is he dedicated, or will he/she divorce me just because they're not feeling it anymore?". I can tell you that there are a lot of girls and later women that I felt attracted to, physically, and thought were hot. But I looked at them, at least very shortly, wondering if I could actually have meaningful conversations with them, have tons of fun watching DBZ or other shows with, or other stuff like that, and usually decided "nah". And I might have to look for a while, because I'm VERY much an oddball, but, if you want the perfect catch...be prepared to be at it for a while. What do you all think of that? Good advice, or is it coming from someone who's clearly not been in a relationship? Edited March 8, 2014 by FionordeQuester Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roy: Marquess of Pherae Posted March 9, 2014 Author Share Posted March 9, 2014 Yeah it's all confusing right now. She doesn't know if she wants to be together, it's personal things and the dreaded friendzone. Sometimes I wonder if I should try to just sit back and not worry. Not letting anything slow me down might appear more attractive anyways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brendor Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 just chill don't be clingy and shit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FionordeQuester Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Yeah it's all confusing right now. She doesn't know if she wants to be together, it's personal things and the dreaded friendzone. Sometimes I wonder if I should try to just sit back and not worry. Not letting anything slow me down might appear more attractive anyways. That's what I would do. Absence makes the heart grow fonder after all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Krevin Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 Yeah just give her space. You don't wanna be abrasive, or needy or pushy or anything like that. Just let it unfold however it does. And if she wants to get back together that's rad. And if she doesn't, you've gotta be okay with that. When I was your age I was the kind of guy that was constantly in relationships that only lasted like 2 weeks, but each time I thought "this girl is the one" and none of them ever were. Even my serious relationship didn't make it past a year and a half. But I'm not here to talk about my love life - The point is, relationships are hella fragile and most of them don't work out and the sooner you learn that and accept it the better your life will be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guy Starwind Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 TC I feel ya. I'm in love with a bipolar girl who loves me one week and doesn't the other. I'm sure you've heard this a lot but hang in there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peener weener Posted March 9, 2014 Share Posted March 9, 2014 You need to stop behaving like you're a victim here. Sometimes, relationships simply don't work. She made a good move in ending it, as opposed to somehow forcing it to keep being a thing. She lost interest. There's no point in trying to keep it afloat. It'll happen to you. It'll happen to her. Whatever. Also, don't bring the firnedzone or whatever into this. That is a meaningless word. Especially considering the fact that you were in a relationship with this girl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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