Loki Laufeyson Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 This one time, a bonny lass demanded a husband and a belly full of laughs. That wily giantess chose her husband by the beauty of his feet. But she needed her belly full of laughs and no one seemed to be up for the job. Except me with my rope and a goat. Forever did the gods know how far my balls would stretch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esme Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Parrhesia, I require a first and last name for my joke. May I have yours, or a substitute if you prefer? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rehab Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 (edited) Bitcoin this is a bad sort of post that I hope doesn't become the default response template to your question, I'm terribly sorry Edited May 24, 2014 by Rehab Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted May 24, 2014 Author Share Posted May 24, 2014 Parrhesia, I require a first and last name for my joke. May I have yours, or a substitute if you prefer? 'Josmer Altidore' that way the joke's already there for you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted May 24, 2014 Author Share Posted May 24, 2014 Bitcoin this is a bad sort of post that I hope doesn't become the default response template to your question, I'm terribly sorry one such post never hurt anyone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deleted35362 Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 *hands Boney a mirror* <.< aw don't give me a perfectly good mirror, then i'll have to smash the thing. such a waste orz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted May 24, 2014 Author Share Posted May 24, 2014 i only know blonde jokes i'm terrible A blonde walks into an electronics store and asks if she can buy a television. "No," says the owner, "I'm sorry. But we don't sell to blondes." So she's pissed off, but whatever, it's manageable. So she goes and dyes her hair red, then goes back into the store. But the moment she asks the owner again, he says, "I'd love to, but I can't. We don't sell to blondes." She's shocked. "But how did you know I was a blonde?""Because that's not a television. It's a fucking microwave." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Esme Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 (edited) 'Josmer Altidore' that way the joke's already there for you Hee hee! Okay! So, there are three midgets arguing amongst themselves. The first midget claims that he has the smallest hands in the world, the second midget claims that he has the smallest feet in the world, and the third midget claims he has the smallest penis in the world. To confirm their claims, they decide to visit the HQ of the Guinness. They set up an appointment and all is well once they arrive. As they sit in the waiting room, the first midget hears his name being called. He enters the office nervously, then emerges much later. He says, "It's true! It's true! I really do have the smallest hands in the world!" He sits back down and talks ceaselessly about his small hands. Then, a little while later, the second midget is called. He nervously enters the office and emerges later, ecstatic, saying: "I really, truly do have the smallest feet in the world!" He reclaims his seat and talks with the first midget. Both of them are blabbering on and on about their small parts. Then, finally, the third midget is called into the office. He walks in nervously, and emerges much later on, furious. The other two midgets ask him what is wrong, and so he replies... "WHO IS THIS JOSMER ALTIDORE PERSON?!" Edited May 24, 2014 by Esme Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Knock, knock Who's there Your neighbor Your neighbor who? Geez, I just wanted to tell you that your doorbell's broken. that was bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted May 24, 2014 Author Share Posted May 24, 2014 Hee hee! Okay! yessss Every blonde joke I know I was told by someone who seemed to believe their basis in fact. She insisted her hair was 'sandy brown'. It wasn't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Azura Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 This might be slightly long, but as far as bad jokes go, this is my favourite. Sloppily translated because I'm lazy. So, a Dane, an American and an Indian are sitting in a hot-air balloon. They are all bragging. "In Denmark, we have way too much food", says the Dane, and then he tosses half a frozen frozen pig out. "In America, we have way too much money", says the American, and then he tosses a bundle of thousand dollar-bill out. The Indian sits silently for some time, contemplating. "In India, we are way too much people," he finally says, and then he tosses out the Dane and the American. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted May 24, 2014 Author Share Posted May 24, 2014 the best joke of the thread will be quoted in the next update this is not a democracy i will decide. (it's already not mine, don't worry) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 This might be slightly long, but as far as bad jokes go, this is my favourite. Sloppily translated because I'm lazy. So, a Dane, an American and an Indian are sitting in a hot-air balloon. They are all bragging. "In Denmark, we have way too much food", says the Dane, and then he tosses half a frozen frozen pig out. "In America, we have way too much money", says the American, and then he tosses a bundle of thousand dollar-bill out. The Indian sits silently for some time, contemplating. "In India, we are way too much people," he finally says, and then he tosses out the Dane and the American. There's a similar joke in Hawaii, though the categories are different! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
euklyd Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 [spoiler=How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?]None Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 [spoiler=How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?]None inb4 people think they're cool with Latvian jokes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
euklyd Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 [spoiler=as promised. still not funny.][02:44:03] Crystal Aqua Lyrical: knock knock[02:44:13] Euklyd: who's there?[02:44:27] Crystal Aqua Lyrical: Cabbage[02:44:36] Euklyd: Cabbage who?[02:45:27] Crystal Aqua Lyrical: Cabbage you need to eat even though I taste bad *cabbage brings out a gun*[02:45:35] Euklyd: wait what[02:45:39] Akinaoki: whaa[02:45:39] Akinaoki: ...[02:45:43] Euklyd: that's not a funny joke ¬_¬[02:45:45] Akinaoki: wait what?[...][02:50:42] Euklyd: we got it still not funny[02:51:03] Crystal Aqua Lyrical: I know[02:52:35] Crystal Aqua Lyrical: post it anyway[02:53:08] Euklyd: no you can post it[02:53:24] Euklyd: :<[02:53:59] Crystal Aqua Lyrical: too lazy say it's from me[02:55:06] Euklyd: omfg[02:55:10] Euklyd: FINE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Integrity Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 [spoiler=knock knock][spoiler=who's there][spoiler=to][spoiler=to who][spoiler=to WHOM]hahahahahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tryhard Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 How many police officers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. when people laugh at that I tell them they are terrible people Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aizenberg Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 i man went a seafood nightclub. he pulled a mussel why did the lion get lost? because jungle is massive! what did the vampire say to the chav? yes blood Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makaze Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 (edited) Hmmm. . .what's the best way to put this. . . Think of what the question is asking. For example, if I'd posted something from Scientology, I'd (rightfully) expect people down my throat. Your opinions are your own, but other people are free to disagree with them (how it's done is another matter). How that disagreement is expressed is out of your control; your response to it, however, IS under your control. How you come across while defending your opinion is also something that you'll need to take responsibility for. What you do is up to you (as long as I don't have to cite things in the CoC). If your opinions are super-contrary a lot of the time, you may have people who conclude that you're doing it to be "edgy" (as opposed to you seeing the world in a totally different light; that's your call to make, not mine). If you can live with that, I won't stop you. Just. . .don't be passive-aggressive about it, because that's one of the things that'll transform me from calm to raging in 0.5 seconds. I would echo two of these points back. Disclaimer: You are right. Want to give some perspective. How I disagree with others is out of Parrhesia's (and some others') control. Their response to it, however, IS under their control. I don't think you should have people down your throat, especially if you found the quote from Scientology was hilarious. If I wasn't sure, I would ask you what you meant by it. I don't mind if people ask me things about my answers to these questions. I am open to talking them out and explaining them. I am less open to people who repeatedly assume the worst and refuse to consider that I was not trying to be offensive. People who just want me to stop posting as the bottom line are not fun or easy to deal with. How do you propose I respond when someone is caustic to me out of nowhere, with no chance of reconciliation? Edited May 24, 2014 by Makaze Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makaze Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 (edited) [spoiler=Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea?]Because all proper tea is theft. Edited May 24, 2014 by Makaze Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lance Masayoshi Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 Knock knock Who's there? THE DOOR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Specta Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 What do you do with a dead chemist? Well you can't curium and you can't helium, so you may as well just barium ehehehehehehe bonus joke time [spoiler=What do you call a cow with no legs?][spoiler=ground beef][spoiler=What do you call a cow with three legs?][spoiler=lean beef][spoiler=What do you call a cow with two legs?]Your moooooom ooooh siiiiick buuuurn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 (edited) What does an electrician think about when his house is broken into? Oh no, I hope they didn't get into my volt and steal my joules. I better call Sherlock Ohms and Wattson I thought of that one myself in physics class one day. Edited May 24, 2014 by Knight Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Integrity Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 [spoiler=Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea?]Because all proper tea is theft. legit chuckled Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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