Fear of being challenged

[Skynstein]

Lately something is blocking me from playing games. I think of a game, then think that it's gonna be so hard to learn how to properly play it, then give up, even though I want to play it and have fun with it. It's like I'm afraid of being challenged and afraid to die in the games. So lately I've just been playing games like Pokémon, which I already know how to play. But I don't want to quit playing games. I want to enjoy them again. What to do?

My psychologist isn't helping me with it at all. She says I should play less. I do play 3 hours a day on average, but I don't think that's a lot. I spend too much time fooling around in social media because it's "easy", it doesn't challenge me at all, and I feel anxious before playing a game, anxious about the challenge of it. I don't know if knowing what lies ahead makes it better or worse. This tends not to happen with games like FE, in FE's case I just feel lazy because I'm not that good at it.

[Lord Raven]

Sometimes, and in all honesty this may be generic advice, you have to force yourself to start playing it. Nothing special, you just force yourself to start it and spend an hour just grinding through the beginning. I think once you get into it you'll get hooked.

[eclipse]

FIRST - I strongly suggest that you don't ask for psychological help from the Internet. Almost all of us aren't licensed to help you.

SECOND - If you feel that your psychologist isn't helping you, see if you can find one that does!

[Magical CC]

Then play game on easiest level, grind a lot to pass difficult levels with ease or play game in which losing is actually not a problem or savescum and save state all the times. It will get to the point that you dont want to play game anymore because it's too easy. Honestly, nowadays game are pretty easy on the players.

[Raven]

This is the first time I've heard of this sort of anxiety. But really, games are for enjoyment. You should play whatever you enjoy playing, regardless of difficulty.

[Rehab]

I kinda like to look at it this way:

Game developers, I think it's safe to say, generally make their games to be beaten. They likely want you to feel like like even if you think you did really bad, even in the worst case scenario that you ever encounter in any game ever made and played, you can always try again. Like, the game's still going to be there after a game over, and when just playing a single player game there's nobody else there judging you, at least not as you go through the game by yourself. (unless it's one of those flash games that remember your browser history/ID or whatever and have you stay dead whenever you come back to the pa- fuck those, those can- just, fuck those for a minute.)

Even with games that are intentionally made for whatever you could call a "hardcore" audience, as in games which seem to demand a lot from you just to not fail immediately and which have a plainly huge amount of room for improvement, developers with any sense of professionalism (as in people who would like you to buy the thing they spent months or even years making) don't get their jollies from making the games so hard that people specifically don't want to play them. They're much more likely to get their jollies from seeing players improve at their game, from getting you hooked on try, trying again, from seeing their game teach you something cool.

And we all start out struggling with different versions of "not knowing what the buttons do," "not knowing what the game wants us to do," and "not knowing if we can do it," so I definitely wouldn't, like, fault you for any of that. Like, if we happened to be in the same room or something. Not that you in any way need my approval, of course- your relationship with games can (and I think ought to) be completely your own.

If playing a game is stressing you out, by all means, take a break, we pretty much all do that. Go wherever and do whatever has you feel right. I'm not gonna say "never play a game where you're not immediately having exactly as much fun as you have with other games you're already comfortable with," because if I followed that taken to its extreme I never would've tried games from a bunch of different genres that at this point I love, but in playing something, you should at least be able to feel assured that "this is something I want to explore, to get my head around, to experience here and now." I think a large part of the beauty of games is that they present us with so different sorts of opportunities to fulfill that kind of drive.

And if a large part of it is that you don't know what's going to happen next in a given game and can't imagine what you'll be forced to deal with, or if you've prepared for it right or whatever, I might've had a similar sort of anxiety going into a ton of other games. I tend to have it with Fire Emblem, still! Like, "how many Stefan-tier bullshit recruitments is this game going to have?" At this point, though this admittedly may be kind of an acquired taste, I can actually have some good amount of fun just rolling with the punches when the game throws me something I wasn't prepared for. It may require some building of confidence, of somehow being sure I can handle it, but I'd like to think it's something anybody can learn to do. (That's not exactly the same thing as dealing with Stefan-tier bullshit recruitment, but I hope the point comes across)

We all have our foibles in games, though. In my case, I still/always have hated missing content, though. "Optional quests/characters/dialogue/endings? More like shit I can miss and then have to play the whole game over again for, damn it." Mercifully, I can just use the internet or something to solve that one ahead of time.

Also, Pokemon can get hardcore as fuck, dude. Last game of the series I owned was Gold/Silver, and now I hear about all this stuff that's out there about this, fuckin, massive, incredibly structured competitive battling metagame? And the thing has been around for years! Like, I thought I was pretty pro when I soloed the Johto Elite 4 with a Typhlosion that knew Thunder Punch and Earthquake. I don't know shit, man. It's generally a very well-designed series, though, well-designed enough that I can still generally play the games and beat them without even knowing much more than the basic basics.

Edited November 11, 2014 by Rehab

[Rapier]

Sounds like an insecurity problem which is far more complex than merely avoiding hard games. Maybe you should talk with your psychologist about your insecurities.

[Skynstein]

I guess I'm just missing that adventurous drive and taking deaths in games too seriously. Funny, because it developed only recently.

[Superbus]

Here's a question: why do you feel that not wanting to be challenged is a bad thing? This is supposed to be your leisure time.

[Skynstein]

Here's a question: why do you feel that not wanting to be challenged is a bad thing? This is supposed to be your leisure time.

I dunno, there are people who enjoy that. But ever since I found a world in which I'm very average in terms of gaming skill, I don't like to play anything on the hardest difficulty, for example. I pick Normal and I'm happy with that.

I get immersed so much that I actually fear some enemies in games. Maybe the game is doing a good job because of it. But I take it way too seriously, I think.

[eclipse]

Are you afraid of being wrong?

(yes, this is relevant)

[Skynstein]

Are you afraid of being wrong?

(yes, this is relevant)

I hope I understood your question.

I don't like being wrong about something one bit, so I guess that counts...?

[eclipse]

I hope I understood your question.

I don't like being wrong about something one bit, so I guess that counts...?

Yep, you got it~!

Video games have built-in failure mechanisms, and the harder you crank the difficulty up, the more likely you are to encounter them. From what you said earlier about game difficulty/enemies, I get the sense that you're trying to avoid failure. I don't know how true this is, but if you think that's part of the problem, talk to your psychologist about it~! If she blows you off, keep looking until you find one that'll listen!

[Skynstein]

Yep, you got it~!

Video games have built-in failure mechanisms, and the harder you crank the difficulty up, the more likely you are to encounter them. From what you said earlier about game difficulty/enemies, I get the sense that you're trying to avoid failure. I don't know how true this is, but if you think that's part of the problem, talk to your psychologist about it~! If she blows you off, keep looking until you find one that'll listen!

Well, thanks for listening. :D

[Superbus]

I dunno, there are people who enjoy that. But ever since I found a world in which I'm very average in terms of gaming skill, I don't like to play anything on the hardest difficulty, for example. I pick Normal and I'm happy with that.

I get immersed so much that I actually fear some enemies in games. Maybe the game is doing a good job because of it. But I take it way too seriously, I think.

As noted, you're afraid of failure, it seems. And - armchair psychology here - I think you're projecting failure in a video game to failure in real life. I get it. Do you know how many controllers I've gone through after losses in sports games?

I'm willing to bet your therapist is working with you on using failures as a ladder to success. I'll let the professional handle that, but I have a feeling that's where a lot of this comes from.

And if you like easy, enjoy the shit out of easy. If your game makes fun of you for it, then fuck that game. We're in a golden age of gaming right now; there's others.

[Skynstein]

As noted, you're afraid of failure, it seems. And - armchair psychology here - I think you're projecting failure in a video game to failure in real life. I get it. Do you know how many controllers I've gone through after losses in sports games?

I'm willing to bet your therapist is working with you on using failures as a ladder to success. I'll let the professional handle that, but I have a feeling that's where a lot of this comes from.

And if you like easy, enjoy the shit out of easy. If your game makes fun of you for it, then fuck that game. We're in a golden age of gaming right now; there's others.

I think you're right. One of the reasons I haven't tried Brutal Doom (a mod for Doom) yet is because of how they added death animations in which the enemies smash and crush your body. Granted, you can do the same to them, but... :P