Unrequited love bites..

[Jedi]

Usually I wouldn't be comfortable posting about this on a forum, despite my previous venting about it I felt like getting my word out there. This a depressing story, just fyi.

8 years ago, I was 15. I was in highschool, since I had been homeschooled, social interaction was pretty bad, but I adapted and adjusted to the life, made some friends.

Well in my Sophomore year, I met a woman who would well become very important to me and little did I know I was important to her as well, we became really quick friends despite varying differences, she wasn't much of a gamer, I was, etc. Similarities included our love for kids and just our views on life.

We both fell in love with each other, she had struggles I had no idea about (I'm not at liberty to say). Those pushed me away from her, yet I persisted and this is what made her realize I was different then most to her.

However, highschool was terrible for me in my junior year and I opted to leave because I couldn't stand it anymore, my parents decided to move and divorce that same year. In the blink of an eye, my choice had cost me the woman I loved and my education which I had to pick up several years later at Job Corps. I'm in college now, but yet this girl and I kept in contact, despite our constant distance.

She and I still have a very strong bond, however shes for the most part moved on, despite some moments where we lament what could have been.. I still love her.. and it tortures me, knowing shes with someone else (This is incredibly selfish, I disgust myself). She is also sad that I feel this way still, our relationship is very very complicated in the fact that we are practically inseparable yet at the same time there is a wedge between us, through various circumstances which I constantly blame myself for, and will most likely continue to do so for the rest of my life. It is illogical, and I know this.. But my heart cannot move on, and its very very torturous. She still goes to me when shes in a spot of trouble, just like how she used to.. I'm unsure what I should do.. I have no idea what i'm waiting for or why I'm such an idiot.

This has haunted me for all 8 years and is unlikely to ease up soon. Moving on seems to be near impossible other then brief respites, my heart truly isn't in any other relationship I've attempted to start. Because I always start thinking of her again..

Edited March 6, 2015 by Jedi

[Anacybele]

Damn, that really sucks, Jedi...

I can't say I QUITE know how you feel, even though I've both experienced unrequited love AND divorcing parents (I was just a little kid too, when my mom and dad broke up. I still don't know my dad very well to this day because of it). But this really sucks. I hope that even though you don't feel like it will happen, that someday this pain will heal.

I often feel like that no man will ever love me again after I broke up with my ex and just experienced nothing but unrequited feelings otherwise. But it doesn't stop me from having that tiny hope in my heart that my soulmate does exist.

You know, maybe some therapy or counseling can help you? You sound like you've been depressed too, and that's always something you should get help with.

[Jedi]

Damn, that really sucks, Jedi...

I can't say I QUITE know how you feel, even though I've both experienced unrequited love AND divorcing parents (I was just a little kid too, when my mom and dad broke up. I still don't know my dad very well to this day because of it). But this really sucks. I hope that even though you don't feel like it will happen, that someday this pain will heal.

I often feel like that no man will ever love me again after I broke up with my ex and just experienced nothing but unrequited feelings otherwise. But it doesn't stop me from having that tiny hope in my heart that my soulmate does exist.

You know, maybe some therapy or counseling can help you? You sound like you've been depressed too, and that's always something you should get help with.

I've considered therapy or counseling, I actually have some months where I'm completely fine. Then it just comes back out of the blue, its actually quite bizarre.

I'm sure you'll find someone Ana, trust me when I say that. There is someone out there just for you.

Edited March 6, 2015 by Jedi

[Elieson]

I've considered therapy or counseling, I actually have some months where I'm completely fine. Then it just comes back out of the blue, its actually quite bizarre.

I'm sure you'll find someone Ana, trust me when I say that. There is someone out there just for you.

I came to this thread when I saw the avatar. Imagine my joy to see that it belonged to Jedi

I have a friend who's in therapy for her surprise codependancy which was only made evident after the uhh, unexpected removal of her previous partner for an alternative source of affection. It's helping her a lot, i've watched her grow over two years, and it's made a difference in her coping and inner confidence. I can't say it'd work for you for sure, but it's not worth passing the opportunity because it might not work.

Alternatively,you're 23 and have quite a few years to go. If you feel obligated to love, then you're doing it wrong, and when the right opportunity comes, it will be because you didn't want/force it to happen. Look at me, I'm 27 and divorced after a 9 year relationship. I can't compare you or I, but I can say that it took me a bit of time to get over the situation and get back on my feet. What helped was that I looked back at the positive changes made in my life because of the past, and acknowledged that it helped mold me into the person I am today, which I'm happy/proud to be. I wouldn't mind being in love again, but I know that if I look for it/force it, it will not be for the right reasons, and i apply greater risk to sabotage my own happiness

[Anacybele]

That DOES sound bizarre. But nice that you've at least considered counseling or therapy!

...Hmm, do I sense that you know something I don't?

I kid, I kid! XD I'm just trying to get a laugh out of you. lol I'm honestly not that good at joking either. :P

[Jedi]

I came to this thread when I saw the avatar. Imagine my joy to see that it belonged to Jedi

I have a friend who's in therapy for her surprise codependancy which was only made evident after the uhh, unexpected removal of her previous partner for an alternative source of affection. It's helping her a lot, i've watched her grow over two years, and it's made a difference in her coping and inner confidence. I can't say it'd work for you for sure, but it's not worth passing the opportunity because it might not work.

Alternatively,you're 23 and have quite a few years to go. If you feel obligated to love, then you're doing it wrong, and when the right opportunity comes, it will be because you didn't want/force it to happen. Look at me, I'm 27 and divorced after a 9 year relationship. I can't compare you or I, but I can say that it took me a bit of time to get over the situation and get back on my feet. What helped was that I looked back at the positive changes made in my life because of the past, and acknowledged that it helped mold me into the person I am today, which I'm happy/proud to be. I wouldn't mind being in love again, but I know that if I look for it/force it, it will not be for the right reasons, and i apply greater risk to sabotage my own happiness

Near 23, not quite.. Also thanks Elie, I'll have to look into that, This love I have for this woman is.. Just it burns like a fire, it scares even me sometimes. I also feel sometimes that I will never feel the same way about any other woman, but I have enough self control to not make this an issue when I interact with her.

...Hmm, do I sense that you know something I don't?

I kid, I kid! XD I'm just trying to get a laugh out of you. lol I'm honestly not that good at joking either. :P

Heh, well I am a Jedi after all :P

Edited March 6, 2015 by Jedi

[Elieson]

Near 23, not quite.. Also thanks Elie, I'll have to look into that, This love I have for this woman is.. Just it burns like a fire, it scares even me sometimes. I also feel sometimes that I will never feel the same way about any other woman.

Push yourself to look at the positives in your life brought on by [Woman]. Personality changes, ambitions, etc. She apparently helped mold you into the man you are right now.

Take pride in those things, those changes that may not have ever happened.

Remind yourself of this. Constantly.

By pushing yourself to be happy with what you were blessed with, you can overcome your fears of solitude and depression. I think at this point, you're more immersed in the comfort that you felt while this girl was in your life, and you are less immersed with your comfort in your own strength and personality. You excel all over the place, and your past helped write you into who you are. Ignoring that leaves you only to notice what's in the present, and what you want for your future. Remind yourself of the good that came from the past, and you're reintroducing yourself with a positive foundation of which to build your present on. This will in turn, help your future.

Do me a favor; Write here / PM me a few things that this girl did, that made you happy. Organize the top 3-5, and explain how they made you happy, and how those particular examples affect your life today. Outlook on children maybe, or maybe she helped you better understand concepts, like sarcasm and things. I want to better understand the importance of this girl in your life and the source in which your strife comes from. I want you to firmly understand it too.

Also i thought you were biting this person too, thanks misleading thread title

[Anacybele]

Heh, well I am a Jedi after all :P

Haha, yes, you are!

Also, you have Atem/Yami in your avy, sweet. He's epic. ^^

[Jedi]

Push yourself to look at the positives in your life brought on by [Woman]. Personality changes, ambitions, etc. She apparently helped mold you into the man you are right now.

Take pride in those things, those changes that may not have ever happened.

Remind yourself of this. Constantly.

By pushing yourself to be happy with what you were blessed with, you can overcome your fears of solitude and depression. I think at this point, you're more immersed in the comfort that you felt while this girl was in your life, and you are less immersed with your comfort in your own strength and personality. You excel all over the place, and your past helped write you into who you are. Ignoring that leaves you only to notice what's in the present, and what you want for your future. Remind yourself of the good that came from the past, and you're reintroducing yourself with a positive foundation of which to build your present on. This will in turn, help your future.

Do me a favor; Write here / PM me a few things that this girl did, that made you happy. Organize the top 3-5, and explain how they made you happy, and how those particular examples affect your life today. Outlook on children maybe, or maybe she helped you better understand concepts, like sarcasm and things. I want to better understand the importance of this girl in your life and the source in which your strife comes from. I want you to firmly understand it too.

Also i thought you were biting this person too, thanks misleading thread title

Alright.. I will, I never did look at it in that sense, perhaps she did change me in ways I didn't even realize, I'll PM you when I do think about it all. It's just a touchy topic with me usually, seeing as well.. Yeah anyways I'll get to that PM.

Thats slang for ya.. lol

Haha, yes, you are!

Also, you have Atem/Yami in your avy, sweet. He's epic. ^^

Heh, yeah I was just recently playing Duelists of the Roses again.

[Anacybele]

Ah, I see! I'm a big Yu-Gi-Oh fan myself, though I haven't watched any of the animes in awhile. I do have some cards though! Yet I never could get my favorites, Red Eyes Black Dragon and Flame Swordsman (if you've watched the original anime and remember it pretty well, one reason I like these guys should be obvious. XD).

Hey, your interests and hobbies should help you be able to meet and talk to new people and perhaps help heal your pain! People can talk to each other for like EVER when they get into something they both really like and that can be fun. And some people can just talk with other people for ages no matter what, lol. My late grandma was like that. She'd start talking to someone in a parking lot or something and I'd end up waiting in her truck for like half an hour, I think. :P

Edited March 6, 2015 by Anacybele

[Jedi]

Ah, I see! I'm a big Yu-Gi-Oh fan myself, though I haven't watched any of the animes in awhile. I do have some cards though! Yet I never could get my favorites, Red Eyes Black Dragon and Flame Swordsman (if you've watched the original anime and remember it pretty well, one reason I like these guys should be obvious. XD).

Hey, your interests and hobbies should help you be able to meet and talk to new people and perhaps help heal your pain! People can talk to each other for like EVER when they get into something they both really like and that can be fun. And some people can just talk with other people for ages no matter what, lol. My late grandma was like that. She'd start talking to someone in a parking lot or something and I'd end up waiting in her truck for like half an hour, I think. :P

I love the original series of Yugioh! Quite nostalgic for me, the manga actually inspired the game maker in me.

Yeah my interests and hobbies have been helping a fair bit around here in Washington, I have a small network of friends. Also a smash group in Spokane now thanks to that Smash Brothers tournament I went to, you're right. Maybe I just do need to talk to people more.

[Elieson]

Heh, yeah I was just recently playing Duelists of the Roses again.

DotR is such an underrated game. Light decks with Mystical Elf were always my forerunner, and RedRose 10/10

[Jedi]

DotR is such an underrated game. Light decks with Mystical Elf were always my forerunner, and RedRose 10/10

Was my first PS2 game and I will forever have Celtic Guardian (my favorite card) as my Deck Leader haha.

[Anacybele]

I love the original series of Yugioh! Quite nostalgic for me, the manga actually inspired the game maker in me.

Yeah my interests and hobbies have been helping a fair bit around here in Washington, I have a small network of friends. Also a smash group in Spokane now thanks to that Smash Brothers tournament I went to, you're right. Maybe I just do need to talk to people more.

Oh yes, the original anime rocks! Though I did also love 5D's and Zexal (GX is meh though). I don't know which one is my favorite!

And yeah, that's cool! I just wish I could take advantage of my own advice myself. But I'm often shy irl and just can't bring myself to talk to people much. >_<

[Jedi]

And yeah, that's cool! I just wish I could take advantage of my own advice myself. But I'm often shy irl and just can't bring myself to talk to people much. >_<

Just give it a shot, I used to be really shy as well. I found Job Corps and working a receptionists front desk helps LOADS, as you have to deal with quite a few people.

Also I have to say.. this girl I'm constantly referring to, she also helped me realize my shyness and how to overcome it. I didn't take the advice seriously until later.

Edited March 6, 2015 by Jedi

[Esau of Isaac]

You need to move on and find a different person. What could have been is only that. Don't bother opining on what-ifs, they will never happen and you have nothing to gain stressing over them. She's with someone else, it's harsh but waiting for someone in a romance is pathetic and never works out. Meet more women and socialize more, you'll realize that your unrequited feelings were silly once you've had more experience.

[Jedi]

You need to move on and find a different person. What could have been is only that. Don't bother opining on what-ifs, they will never happen and you have nothing to gain stressing over them. She's with someone else, it's harsh but waiting for someone in a romance is pathetic and never works out. Meet more women and socialize more, you'll realize that your unrequited feelings were silly once you've had more experience.

Interesting thing is, most of my friends are women, and I realize I need to move on, I appreciate the bluntness though, it does kick me more into gear. It's just there is some underlying factor I can't quite explain that just doesn't allow me to fully move on. As of now anyways.

Edited March 6, 2015 by Jedi

[Anacybele]

Just moving on isn't that easy, you know. Breakups and rejection is a tough thing to handle, especially if the rejection was harsh or the breakup really bad or something. :/

Edited March 6, 2015 by Anacybele

[-Cynthia-]

People frequently experience breakups and rejection though- most relationships end up not working out for one reason or another. I wouldn't be as harsh to say to cut off contact with someone you consider a good friend, but consider focusing your time more on other people/potential dates etc.

[Jedi]

People frequently experience breakups and rejection though- most relationships end up not working out for one reason or another. I wouldn't be as harsh to say to cut off contact with someone you consider a good friend, but consider focusing your time more on other people/potential dates etc.

I will certain try to do this. Thank you Cynthia.

Dang it, I accidentaly lost everything I typed.

Anyways...

This is going to get worse and worse the more you think about it. You're going to have to make strides to put yourself out there for your own health. Stop regretting things you did, and tearing yourself up about it. I think you understand this, but the tough part is going to be coming out of your shell.

I remember on Valentine's day you talked about spending time with a girl you liked, and how you considered asking her, but ended up not. Your situation is pretty unfortunate, but I don't think all hope is lost.

Thinking too much about things may just be your problem.

And most of my friends are women too lol. Could I ask one out? Yes. Will I? Probably not. So I'm kinda hypocritical in saying this, but yeah.

My typo-filled advice to you.

Yeah, its just an endless cycle of pain if I continue to focus on it.. That other girl I spent with Valentines day with, I should probably try to maybe put my heart more into being around her.. It's just sometimes my heart shifts back, which is weird but it does happen.

I appreciate this, thank you

[Esau of Isaac]

Interesting thing is, most of my friends are women, and I realize I need to move on, I appreciate the bluntness though, it does kick me more into gear. It's just there is some underlying factor I can't quite explain that just doesn't allow me to fully move on. As of now anyways.

Just moving on isn't that easy, you know. Breakups and rejection is a tough thing to handle, especially if the rejection was harsh or the breakup really bad or something. :/

I've been there, really, in a somewhat similar situation to Jedi's. Moving on really is just as easy as letting it go. Breaks and rejections are only tough to handle if you let them become tough. Once you realize they mean nothing and you just take relationships at face value to begin with, everything falls into place. I don't want to say you need to view people and relationships as expendable, but realizing and affirming they aren't the center of the universe makes it all much easier to deal with. There are always other fish, even if the bass you want isn't right for your net.

[MacLovin]

unrequited love happens. it's a part of life.

just let it go.

[Shin]

It's important to remember being sad is part of the normal human emotional spectrum. You're not going to get it right 100% of the time and part of coming to terms is accepting that mistakes will be made and being able to express how you feel. The important thing is having somebody you can tell how you feel, things that are left to fester tend to become a lot more of a burden.

At the end of the day, the most important person in your life is yourself, you've only got one of you. If you look after yourself as you would a friend, you'll generally be on the right track.

[Jedi]

I've been there, really, in a somewhat similar situation to Jedi's. Moving on really is just as easy as letting it go. Breaks and rejections are only tough to handle if you let them become tough. Once you realize they mean nothing and you just take relationships at face value to begin with, everything falls into place. I don't want to say you need to view people and relationships as expendable, but realizing and affirming they aren't the center of the universe makes it all much easier to deal with. There are always other fish, even if the bass you want isn't right for your net.

I thank you for these wise words, I've already loosened my hypothetical grip on this. Yet it won't vanish overnight.

It's important to remember being sad is part of the normal human emotional spectrum. You're not going to get it right 100% of the time and part of coming to terms is accepting that mistakes will be made and being able to express how you feel. The important thing is having somebody you can tell how you feel, things that are left to fester tend to become a lot more of a burden.

At the end of the day, the most important person in your life is yourself, you've only got one of you. If you look after yourself as you would a friend, you'll generally be on the right track.

I suppose that is another issue I face, I consider most people more important than myself.

I'm on more of a recovery now, thanks in large to many people. Be it this thread, those on Skype, those via pm, etc there are so many of you to name, and it makes me realize more then ever, that people do truly care, despite the fact I have friends, family and such all over.. I seem to forget just how many people actually care about my well-being.

I thank you all from the bottom of my heart for reminding me.

[eclipse]

Logic and emotion will fight each other at times like this. I second the counseling - sometimes, talking to a neutral third party helps a great deal.