In which blah the Prussian blind reacts to FE Fates: Conquest

[Jakkun]

@TC: about the Flavian tactics thing...

A certain Nohrian Sorcerer has other things in mind...

[Emperor Petitt]

Guess they both can't reach other to fight then, as Xander probably had his legs smashed too by his horse. I guess they are throwing their ranged attacks each other from wheelchairs.

At least Xander can throw, Ryoma can even twist his body

[Moblin Major General]

The term is Fabian Tactics. The more you know.

[RedRob]

-You know, I half expected Aang to show up throughout this. Then I remembered that I'm not in Avatar, which should be obvious as the story of Avatar had actual thought and effort put into it, which I am reminded this game lacks pretty much every moment the story continues.

Not counting the season finales which relied on Deus ex machinas. http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/DeusExMachina/WesternAnimation

My favorite is when Aang went to Corrin-levels of stupidity, refusing to kill Ozai, even though he's about to commit genocide, and doesn't do anything until a magic turtle shows up out of nowhere and gives him energybending.

[Lanko]

Not counting the season finales which relied on Deus ex machinas. http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/DeusExMachina/WesternAnimation

My favorite is when Aang went to Corrin-levels of stupidity, refusing to kill Ozai, even though he's about to commit genocide, and doesn't do anything until a magic turtle shows up out of nowhere and gives him energybending.

I guess that scene at Endgame with a certain someone giving you extra power could count as something similar.

[blah the Prussian]

The term is Fabian Tactics. The more you know.

FUCK! How the fuck did I screw that one up? Going back to edit every installment using that term; historical errors will not stand!

Edit: Okay, done. Now you can go back and read each installment without the disgusting historical errors!

Edited April 15, 2016 by blah the Prussian

[eclipse]

FUCK! How the fuck did I screw that one up? Going back to edit every installment using that term; historical errors will not stand!

Edit: Okay, done. Now you can go back and read each installment without the disgusting historical errors!

You missed one:

-Man, Corrin really is making a habit of going through as much neutral territory as humanly possible on his way to the Hoshidan Capitol, isn't he? Also, for those at home keeping score, this is the 5th chapter since the invasion of Hoshido began, and STILL the Nohrian army hasn't fought the Hoshidan army. It's almost as if the Nohrians are doing their own version of Flavian tactics, but then Corrin is far too stupid for Fabian Tactics.

So to make up for that travesty, PM me your favorite TWEWY character, and why.

Anyway, the wind can be annoying. . .or it can finish the map for you. See, if the wind happens to blow someone with Heartseeker next to Fuga, and you somehow land a Freeze staff. . .

I think Conquest 17 was a lot more irritating, because of the general speed of the enemies, and Poison Strike, and enemy movement changing depending on the spikes.

Edited April 15, 2016 by eclipse

[blah the Prussian]

You missed one: So to make up for that travesty, PM me your favorite TWEWY character, and why. :P:Anyway, the wind can be annoying. . .or it can finish the map for you. See, if the wind happens to blow someone with Heartseeker next to Fuga, and you somehow land a Freeze staff. . .I think Conquest 17 was a lot more irritating, because of the general speed of the enemies, and Poison Strike, and enemy movement changing depending on the spikes.

The PM is sent!

[blah the Prussian]

I would have updated this sooner, but, well, TWEWY strikes again. Anyway, Chapter 21!

-Okay, Iago and Garon's one dimensional natures is starting to make me actively despise the writers here. Does Garon want to rule Hoshido, or not? He is now actively impeding the progress of his own army, just to make Corrin suffer! Jesus fucking Christ, this story. This is by far the worst story off any FE game ever. Even Radiant Dawn's story was less of a mess than this! Jesus! I feel like the English language lacks proper words for me to describe how shitty this story is! I suppose I'll steal from the great Medibot: Dear game designers writers: Fuck! Shit! C*ntwaggle! Love, blah the Prussian.

-Also, I'd just like to point out, in case you kids at home weren't paying attention: this is the sixth. chapter. strait. since the invasion of Hoshido, and still not a single Hoshidan solider has been fought. Don't get me wrong, I actually liked this chapter quite a bit, but could we please actually fight the people we set out to invade? Possibly?

-Why did Corrin and co. pass by here, anyway? "Lord Corrin , here is the map. What route should we take to the Hoshidan capitol?" "Oh, well, lets see, we could march through this plain, or we could march through the literal stairway to hell." Did I mention that Corrin is a shitty leader?

-This Dragonvein here is damn selective. What exactly is preventing it from just effecting your guys as well? I also find it very interesting how apparently every Dragonvein in existence jus two happens to be in the perfect place for a gimmicky level.

-Fuck you, gameplay and story segregation! I quite clearly escaped! Also, why is it just Xander and Azura fighting the Faceless? The rest of the army are fucking freeloaders!

-Also, despite the fact that the Hoshidan soldiers injured Azura badly in Chapter 10 of my run, she has miraculously regained the ability to fight for this one cutscene. Lovely.

-Corrin doesn't turn into a dragon here, despite the fact that this would likely make him far more effective against the Faceless.

-Once again, Lillith ex Machina.

-Oh no, Lillith is dead! You know, the character who appeared in like 2 scenes the whole game? And then the only interaction with her was through feeding her? This death would be much sadder if we actually knew the character who was dying!

-Also, there was apparently a Faceless behind Corrin, Xander, and Azura, and yet that Faceless never attacked them until now.

-Lillith knows that Corrin is in danger because... the plot demands it.

-This is the only time in the entire game when jumping in front of an attack actually leads to damage instead of guarding.

-So if there were enough Faceless for Xander to take out all on his own, why did Corrin need to run, again?

-Iago acts like he is deeply familiar with Lillith's existence, which is clearly impossible, as he doesn't know about My Castle. For that matter, why aren't Corrin's troops more surprised that My Castle exists?

SUPER BONUS SNARK INCOMING!

-Effie really needs to keep her politics out of the army. I don't care if you feel the Bern, Effie, we aren't at the chapter where we fight Takumi Trump yet!

-If this was Cinemasins I would take a sin off for Camilla and Niles's support. It was surprisingly well written, and it does a good job of showing Niles as spiteful but good hearted, and showing Camilla as scarred but not broken by her childhood. Its almost like a different person wrote the supports and the story.

And another chapter is done! The good news is that Hoshido will at long last be fought next chapter, if the title is anything to go on. See you then!

[Thane]

Yes...

YEEEEEEEES!

Let the hate flow through you, my young pupil.

[Lanko]

I thought exactly the same thing.

Where the hell is the rest of my army? Why the crown prince of Nohr and the songstress are left behind to fend off mortal attackers? Where are Xander's retainers? Isn't that why they are there? Or some other meatheads? Even his other siblings don't care for him.

Azura says she has a mission to save the world from a threat only she knows, yet stays behind to possibly die to random enemies in a random place.

Also don't know how Iago knows Lilith, wasn't said she was working on the stables? Unless Iago had a thing for her and got turned down, how the heck would he even notice her? Yea... it's better to think it was a broken heart.

About Lilith's death, she can actually live and becomes playable if during Invasion 2 you let her kill one of the enemies who is carrying a Master Seal. It's droppable, so it will go to her inventory. Then after you win the invasion, she will eat it and evolve promote to a grown dragon like Corrin.

Edited April 16, 2016 by Lanko

[blah the Prussian]

I thought exactly the same thing.

Where the hell is the rest of my army? Why the crown prince of Nohr and the songstress are left behind to fend off mortal attackers? Where are Xander's retainers? Isn't that why they are there? Or some other meatheads? Even his other siblings don't care for him.

Azura says she has a mission to save the world from a threat only she knows, yet stays behind to possibly die to random enemies in a random place.

Also don't know how Iago knows Lilith, wasn't said she was working on the stables? Unless Iago had a thing for her and got turned down, how the heck would he even notice her? Yea... it's better to think it was a broken heart.

About Lilith's death, she can actually live and becomes playable if during Invasion 2 you let her kill one of the enemies who is carrying a Master Seal. It's droppable, so it will go to her inventory. Then after you win the invasion, she will eat it and evolve promote to a grown dragon like Corrin.

Oh.

...eh, I never liked Lillith much anyway.

[Lanko]

I was just joking about the last part heh.

[blah the Prussian]

I was just joking about the last part heh.

Wait, really? Huh.

[Soapbar]

yeah no don't let Lilith steal the Master Seal on Invasion 2, it will go to her inventory and you won't be able to get it again

[eclipse]

I'm surprised you're not griping about the No Experience enemies, or the conveniently-placed rock-throwing assholes. Because those ruined my day far more than the plot did.

[blah the Prussian]

I'm surprised you're not griping about the No Experience enemies, or the conveniently-placed rock-throwing assholes. Because those ruined my day far more than the plot did.

I don't know what you mean by no experience, and I found the rock throwers to be quite easy to rush.

[eclipse]

I don't know what you mean by no experience, and I found the rock throwers to be quite easy to rush.

The reinforcements that spawn have a skill that makes it so that you don't get experience when you kill them.

[Kuroi Tsubasa Tenshi]

-Fuck you, gameplay and story segregation! I quite clearly escaped! Also, why is it just Xander and Azura fighting the Faceless? The rest of the army are fucking freeloaders!

-Once again, Lillith ex Machina.

-Oh no, Lillith is dead! You know, the character who appeared in like 2 scenes the whole game? And then the only interaction with her was through feeding her? This death would be much sadder if we actually knew the character who was dying!

Heh, yeah, the segregation bugged me too. I guess it's nothing all that new to the series, but it's so blatant here and then draws even more attention to itself by killing off Lilith for no reason (especially since it's easy to get her stats that would laugh at the enemies on that map). It was especially bad for me because the game made this whole big deal about the Faceless all focusing on my Corrin when, not only was she my nigh-invincible main tank, she was one-rounding 4-6 Faceless at a time with a Levin Sword. So the post-combat cutscene was more or less "Oh, no! Iago fails at tactics and is focusing our unstoppable death machine! Whatever shall we do?!"

The lack of interaction with Lilith really annoyed me, less because of the random death, but because she was one of a trend of non-royal characters that the game seems to stop caring about, then realize the character still exists and should be important to Corrin and then flail and try to throw in something that makes them look important again. Gunter falls off a bridge, is barely grieved by Corrin, then randomly appears again. The other of Jakob/Felicia is unceremoniously dumped into the player's lap with a really short cutscene, then interacts with nothing until apparently they're suddenly Corrin's vanguard against these Faceless (and then disappear, leaving Xander and Azura as Corrin's only help)? Lilith is used as a vehicle for My Castle and then promptly forgotten once the castle becomes the norm, until she has to die, anyway. These are all people who Corrin grew up with and are apparently supposed to be important to her/him, but the story sure doesn't treat them that way.

I don't know what you mean by no experience, and I found the rock throwers to be quite easy to rush.

The infinite reinforcements spawn with Void Curse, which causes the enemy to give no EXP to units that fight it.

[B.Leu]

You perfectly nailed it, all of it. I think this chapter is the most impressive in the sense as it succeed at being the most pointless and stupid thing ever.

One of the thing that make me laugh was that the 3/4 Faceless in the cutescene were supposed to be scary and all, and i was like, dude, we have an army (like you said), most of them are prodigies, and some even have legendary weapons, how the heck can Xander be scared of them in the first place ?

I don't know what you mean by no experience, and I found the rock throwers to be quite easy to rush.

Sometime, I wonder if you guys are just too good... or that I simply just suck at this game.

Cuz the stones throwers were pretty freaking annoying to me.

[Dark Holy Elf]

I actually liked that the reinforcements (and only the reinforcements) had Void Curse, it avoids the weird situation of "rewarding" you for fighting these enemies you're supposed to be escaping from.

Lilith plot I found completely ineffective. The game obviously wants me to care about her, but she's not nearly on-screen enough for that, and her sacrifice was nonsensical.

[blah the Prussian]

Yeah, I just dragonveined the reinforcements away; I never fought them anyway.

[Dark Sage]

The map is pretty easy to cheese if you just deploy Camilla and Corrin, pair the latter up with the former, give her a lot of durability boosting tonics/meals, and then just race to the finish, activating the veins along the way. In particular, I had a Wyvern Lord!Corrin, so Camilla took nearly no damage from most of the enemies and one rounded all the faceless sans the bosses.

[JSND Alter Dragon Boner]

Yeah that, Wyvern Lord Xander, or the true and tested activate Vow of Friendship and fly away Silas strats

This and 19 is my pick for the absolute worst chapter in the game. At least 20 is interesting

[blah the Prussian]

Well, I just finished The World Ends With You, and Chapter 21. One of them had a stupid story I'm going to make fun of, the other is the greatest game I have ever played. Take a wild guess which is which. On to the snark!

-This chapter title is incredibly subtle as to who the player will face in it. If you spell subtle like this:

!!!!!!!SUBTLE!!!!!!!

Edit: Did you change the font, Eclipse?

-Corrin is like "Oh, we need to attack them now, otherwise they might SALLY! What exactly is so bad about the besieged army sallying? Traditional military doctrine holds that the attacking army wants the enemy to sally, because then the besiegers can take out a large number of end,y troops without having to contend with fortifications. Either Corrin is the founder of a radical new military doctrine, (where you do everything the opposite of how you should do it in the hopes of fooling the universe into reversing the outcome of the battle) or he's just a fucking dumbass. Well gee, I wonder.

-So wasn't Yukimura like the supreme commander of the Hoshidan army, or something? And Sakura, a civilian in this case, is essentially completely undermining his authority? I think I've solved the mystery of why Hoshido lost this war! Yukimura should be taking absolutely zero shit from Sakura.

-Once again, Hoshido proves itself to be terrible designers of forts, as the strategy for this one appears to be "We have all these walls, but eh, actually linking up the walls so, you know, the enemy CAN'T GET THROUGH THEM, is just too much effort, you know?" "You know, fellow Hoshidan, I think that strategy is brilliant. All that's missing is us building the fort right next to these magic thingies that we know full well Nohr's royalty can use, and said magic thingies, if used, will flatten what few walls we do have! Brilliant!"

-So, sure, Sakura is in a safe place here. My question is this: how did she get in? There isn't a visible door, and that section of the wall isn't broken yet. Did Yukimura airdrop her in there or something? To add to that, why have this apparently inaccessible chamber here to begin with? For once I' criticizing the level design, because all you needed was a simple door there for this to make actual, logical sense!

-Okay, fuck you, game, making enemies I already beat surrender in a cutscene! What, did Hana and the other guy I forgot the name of play dead for a while before coming out and being all "Oh, we surrender!"? What the fuck?

-Yukimura criticizes the Nohrians for executing POWs. Fair enough, but Yukimura is the one using child soldiers! (Note: I know Nohr uses children too. This is a problem with the whole series.)

-Can I just say how unintentionally hilarious the execution scene is here? I might sound like a fucking asshole for saying this, but the music here is just so... upbeat! I have no idea what the writers were thinking (happens a lot in this game, admittedly) putting this music in for this scene. It's like they watched Schindler's List, and then when they got to the scene where the SS liquidate the Ghetto, they were like "Ah man, good scene, good scene, but I think it would be so much better if we added 'Zippity doo dah' to it! That would just really add to the scene!" Seriously, if the shittyness event horizon for this story hadn't happened already many times over, the part where Hans is executing defenseless Hoshidan POWs to this music would be! At least it was rather funny.

-Hey, here's a new drinking game: take a shot every time there was a point in the story where you wish Corrin would grow some balls and stand up to Garon. Like, for example, here, where Garon probably murders Sakura. This would be a great time for Corrin to finally be all "Oh Garon you naughty puppy" but nope, still the same old pussy.

Ah, well. One fourth of the Hoshidan Royal Family is down; how will they ever get their sicky sweetness now? Join me next time as I see what idiotic plot devices this game has in store next!

Edited April 18, 2016 by blah the Prussian