Saint Rubenio

B . S A G A Also hi. EDIT: noooooo damnit, he started Trails 2: Electric Trailgaloo. Damn you, need for sleep...!

Okay, I'm better now. But the boss is still garbage.

Oh my God my face is literally red. I haven't been this enraged at videogame in a long, long time. And the worst part is that I know I'll still say I love it. Damnit, one unfortunately designed boss isn't enough to ruin a game, but it sure as fuck is enough to ruin a night.

Okay, yeah, fuck this. I need to go to bed, because I'm actually starting to scream in rage. I really hope this game doesn't have any more bosses like this, because otherwise my opinion of it is going to fucking plummet. I don't care what anybody says. This attack is fucking bullshit. Even when I find a safe spot more often than not it is invalidated because the piece of shit boss just lands on me a fraction of a second after the attack passes. It's physically impossible to dodge when that happens. God fucking damnit.

I mean, I did, with Bloodless. But I don't want to take a break here, because this boss, aside from the luck-based attack, is piss easy. I could've done this an hour ago if the boss didn't have an attack that lets him go "okay, if the RNG rolls a bad pattern you'll have nowhere to hide!" I don't want to go to bed without beating this idiot.

So uh, mind telling me where the safe spot is, there? Keep in mind the mines hurt me. There's one spot at the veeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeery corner of the screen, yes... except you also have to keep in mind that the guy reappears instantly when his attack ends, flying in the current direction of his attack. So there's a chance he'll land on me and I'll be screwed no matter what. And yes, it's true, none of those things might happen and then I'm safe... but that's not really a guarantee, is it? I'm at the mercy of the game. I have no reliable counterplay. No, sorry, but I think you're wrong. It is not my frustration. 3 hours of fighting Bloodless only made me say that the blood rain attack was kinda wonky. This is just plain bullshit, no two-ways around it. The attack has no pattern, it is random, and that's just not right with an attack like this. They should've programmed it so it had some set patterns, so garbage like this couldn't happen. Oh, well, at least I found the exploit. If I stand on top of that platform, his AI shits itself and starts spamming the porcupine attack. It's not 100% reliable, but it'll make it easy to beat him. ...Or it would, if I didn't run out of mana, and it'd take me 30 mintues to get back here from the base, because no teleporters. So fuck me, I guess. What a fucking shitty boss.

Could try, if this takes much longer. I didn't have the gauge glasses yet. That was the only way I could tell her health was going down. That's all it was I swear. ...I'm still a bit worried about the fact that my hands were trembling for a solid 5 minutes after I beat her, though. It can't be normal to get that invested in these things. no

You don't understand, Shrimpy. They give me a medal for every boss I beat flawlessly. Also, I genuinely think it's fun and it makes you appreciate the design of these bosses a lot more. Sure, I complain, but the intensity of these things is awesome. Seriously, my heart was pounding as I watched Bloodless's skirt become shorter and shorter. It's a great feeling. Yes, I know that sounds lewd. Go ahead, post that one clip, you know the one. The problem is that then you run into the one boss they designed when they were drunk and couldn't come up with any ideas for more filler bosses. That's when you stop having fun. Because this isn't hard, it really isn't. It's just tedious as fuck. My failures? His failure to be a well designed boss! With Andrealphus and Bloodless every failure was on me. This time it's just because the game decided I wasn't going to win this time. Damnit, Iga. I look forward to beating the shit out of you for this.

Even the way to the fucking boss is the worst in the game. See, normally I don't give a damn about taking damage from enemies in the way. I mean, I intend to beat the boss without a scratch, so who cares? The problem is that the enemies outside this room inflict both poison (which would kinda defeat the whole idea of trying to beat the boss without losing HP) and curse (which cuts my mana reserve in half, and I desperately need it). You might say, "Ruben, go back to base, buy a bunch of elixirs and then the lower max mana won't matter." Yeah, great idea! Except there isn't a teleporter in miles, so I can't go back without wasting a bunch of time! It's like they went out of their way to make this boss a pain in my fucking asshole. Yeah, well, coming from doing the same challenge in Ecclesia's hardest difficulty, I figured I'd be up to it. Not to mention, I find these bosses more interesting this way. Brute forcing them with potions would've ruined their difficulty. This way, I get to appreciate it in full... Or, y'know, appreciate the poor design. 'Cause hot damn this boss is bad.

Yeah, well, I like a challenge. This is not a challenge. Even Bloodless, 3 hours though she may've taken me, was a fair challenge. The rain attack was iffy, but everything else was fair. This, though? I feel like I'm trying to save scum a kill on FE when my hitrate is 10%.

Bathin. No, that's not a joke, that's his name. Look him up on Google. I imagine the guy's just completely unmemorable if you beat him normally. But when you're trying to do him damageless, the bullshit move becomes completely unfair, because there's just no counterplay. You just cheese it with the invincibility frames technique and cross your fingers he doesn't do any 5000 IQ moves while you're vulnerable.

Okay, so this is the most bullshit boss in the game so far. Notice I said bullshit, not hard. Bloodless and Andrealphus were ball-crushingly difficult. This guy's actually pretty lame. The problem is that his "i MoVE sO FaST!!1!" attack is entirely luck-based. When he uses it, all I can do is spam the special ability of the lethal boots, which gives me a few frames of invincibility, and pray to God that he doesn't land on me, or that he doesn't use the charging move immediately after, or that he doesn't trap me in an inescapable position with his laser attack, or that he didn't use his "landmine" attack beforehand. So the only thing I can do is try over and over until I get lucky and he doesn't get me with any of that bullcrap before I can kill him. Ugh.

Damn right it is. My uncle makes some great churros, too. Plate sized. You can eat one and have enough. ...I eat more than one. I mean, I'd complain, but then again, we have our share of butchered English words, so...

I like this boss's attitude. He's so proud of the fact that he moves so fast I won't even see him. The problem is that this boss moves so fast, his movement patterns are random, so oftentimes there isn't any safe spots for me to take and I get hit, which for me equals instant death. Nice. Hot chocolate and churros is just too tasty to resist, even in hot days. Also, how do you even call churros in English?

All right, I'm back. I ate a truckload of churros with hot chocolate. Yeah, in summer. Cry me a river, I can't hear you over the sound of pure bliss and a full belly. Time to get back to Bloodstained. See if I can beat this boss guy tonight.

Man, the game really wants me to think that Alfred is the super duper evil secondary baddie and that there's no chance that he's secretly a nice guy who just sucks at communicating or that someone else is up to no good. Someone like the person I just found suspiciously chilling in the middle of the secret underground lab. It's failing miserably. Unless they pull a double whammy on me. That'd be cool. We'll see. At any rate, there's the boss that'll give me the ability to use those white plates on the walls I've seen. Neat. However, that'll have to wait. It's my grandfather and one of my aunts' shared birthday and we've got to celebrate.

Never mind, Iga had some mercy and made this the easiest boss in the game. Third try was the charm. Thank goodness. And now I'm friends with Redstream Sam! Hell yeah. Hopefully this has an effect later on, because right now, I've done this whole thing for no reason beyond Miriam's bloodlust. At least there's a new area to explore. Let's see what it has to offer. Eyy! How is it, then? Better, I hope!

Oh shit, it's Redstream Sam! And the train is a timed sequence! ...There's a boss at the end. ...... Welp, see you in 10 hours when I managed to beat this one flawlessly!

I really have to wonder what's wrong with all of these old Japanese gamemakers. They all have a screw loose. Honestly though, I knew this couldn't be it. That bastard Iga did the same thing in every single one of his games. Not only that, the demon whose bio says she "never leaves Gebel alone" left him completely alone for this battle. And then there's the fact that he was easy. C'mon, it all pointed towards a troll. ...Gotta say, though, the bad ending in Ecclesia was way better. This felt more like Iga peeking through the 4th wall and saying "haha you idiot you beat Gebel flawlessly and it didn't even matter." It even ended in a regular-ass game over screen, like c'mon. Oh, well. I suppose I'll board a train, then. For no particular reason. Miriam couldn't even come up with anything when the librarian asked why she would want to board it. She was just like "mm, because." If I don't get a badass fight on top of the train, I will be sorely disappointed. I mean, checks out, Rook can't catch a break

Oh. Oh! OH! Very cool, Iga. Very fucking cool. Nice. Fucking beautiful. And I didn't even keep the medal. What a fucking troll. I should've known he'd do something like this again. Absolute bastard.

Well. That was... anticlimatic. Took me a few more tries than I thought it would, but all the same, that wasn't even near the level of Bloodless and Andrealphus. I really thought they'd pull a fast one on me when his HP reached 0, but nope. Also, I think this is the point where the character customization bites them in the ass. ...Wait, hold on a minute... I just noticed it now while posting the image. That's the red sun that disappeared from that one corridor. It bugged me so much. So this is where it went... Could've sworn it wasn't there before. I sense a plot twist.

Oh shit. I wasn't expecting that to be the next boss. Huh... oddly soon, I must say. Well, no matter. I'm sure he won't be half as OP as Bloodless.

With every page of the journal I find, the plot twist becomes more and more obvious. But that's okay. I'm not playing this game for the plot, I'm playing it for the awesome bosses and the cool landscapes to explore. And the silly character customization. I've had like four different looks now and the stone mask remains in all of them. I just love the thing too much.

The latest Bloodstained boss was a huge dragon, like most FE final bosses. Also like most FE final bosses, it was piss easy. Seriously, didn't even last a minute, that thing didn't have half the durability of Bloodless. Goes to show size doesn't matter.

With great protagonism comes great responsibility. I suggest you give your dad a call and tell him you love him. Fast.