blah the Prussian

OOC: So I'm assuming we wait until everyone else introduces themselves? Also glad to see I got the personality flaw across.

I suppose that now would be a good time to make introductions, wouldn't it? Clearing my throat, I begin. "My name is Crown Prince Phillipe of the Water Empire. My father has sent me out here to gain some experience in the real world, so here I am. I do think we should stick together if we are to survive. This location would make an ideal place for a back of operations. Ah, but I digress." Oh Arceus. I hope I didn't make too much of an ass of myself.

Careful, denying a genocide may get you warning points It isn't a genocide by any accepted definition. It might not even be a modern war crime. What I'm puzzled about is why the women were spared at all if they're allowed to fight just fine in the FEverse?

The premise was good and you could see good ideas buried under the surface; Takumi's character arc and pre goo Garon could have been interesting. Unfortunately, two things fundamentally went wrong: first was making Corrin the focus of the story rather than having him play more of a Robin role to Xander or Ryoma's Chrom, and second was the existence of a third route. While it means a third game, it also means that the central theme of the game is fucked into the ground because you now have a way where you can save everyone, and that is not how conflicts like these work. Fix those issues and you can work from there to fix the story. I may actually write up a brief summary of what I think Conquest's story should have been. Basically one big problem with it is that, while Nohr has its fair share of internal politics, basically everyone in Hoshido loves the Royal Family and is committed to fighting Nohr. Lets contrast this with Radiant Historia, which is shaping up to be an amazing story. I'm five hours in to that game, and both sides are already extremely nuanced, and with just two nations. On the "evil" Empire side you have this Queen who does nothing, but then her two generals run the show behind the scenes and are shown to be generally competent people, and nothing has suggested that they're evil. In the "good" country, meanwhile, its pretty obvious that the church that rues the nation is now hugely corrupt, and the leader is just a puppet. There are good people and bad people in each country, and the conflict doesn't happen because one nation wants more land, it happens because they need to fight. It isn't that one country has its token Camus, either. I'm not saying the bad guy country shouldn't be blatantly pure evil; Path of Radiance pulled that off fine, by giving Daein motivations beyond "well the King is possessed". No one goes to war just to conquer, and thats basically why Nohr went to war here.

Kaiserreich: Legacy of the Weltkrieg is an alternate history mod where Germany wins WWW for the WWII simulator Darkest Hour, and it is both plausible and quite fun in its randomness; one game you can have a Constitutional Monarchical Germany fighting a Stalinist France, the next you can have an Ultranationalist Germany fighting a Social Democrat France. Thats not even mentioning America, which can be Communist, Fascist, Libertarian, or a military dictatorship, Russia, which can be Absolutist, Constitutional, Fascist, Soviet, or Republican, Japan, which can be democratic or Imperial, or India, which can be Communist, a Monarchy, or the Raj again. The Middle East can be completely dominated by the Ottomans or divided between Iran, Egypt, and Arabia, and China can range from a superpower Qing Empire to a theocratic Christian state (yes I stole that for my alternate history) or Japan's bitch. No two games are alike, so I feel like it captures history quite well.

Yeah, I basically just went full on fuck the casualties for the endgame; its why I said I went full Stalin.

I'm not talking about America declining and falling, though; that comes later. Basically what I'm saying is that Trump has opened Pandora's box, and even if he loses he has still created a new movement. Young, patriotic lower class American white males- the primary demographic for Trump supporters- also happen to be more and more the primary demographic of the military. The same thing happened in Ancient Rome, as the power bases of demagogues like Sulla and Marius became the military, and eventually Caesar exploited that. Edit: Discontent is more organized now because its centering around Trump and Sanders. The Hippies were never a threat because they didn't have a candidate that pandered to them, and Trump and Sanders are both more aggressive than the Hippy movement.

Two distinct differences between now and the 60s: the discontent was not nearly as organized, and politics was not yet class based; class is more of an issue than race today. The trust is of the government, but not of politicians, and look at how Sanders is doing. You misunderstand; America will go the way of the Roman Republic, not Empire. The military will get more power, and civil wars will break out, but it wont fall yet. That honor is reserved for American democracy.

I shrug. "I have no specific goal here other than to return to my country and thereby prove myself as worthy to inherit the throne. Tagging along with you would be beneficial to that." I hold out one of my flippers. "Partners?"

Trump is only the beginning, let me tell you. He is a manifestation of the loss of faith in politicians experienced by the American people. Something even scarier: as politics becomes the game of the rich more and more, the military becomes the game of the poor more and more. This is, quite frankly, history repeating itself. You think Trump is bad? Wait until the army inevitably becomes a political unit. We are witnessing a repeat of the fall of the Roman Republic.

And then there was one. Kasich just dropped out. Trump is the nominee. God, I love this campaign.

"Important things?" I ask inquisitively. "What important things, pray tell?" This could be a beneficial ally, I realize. I cannot afford to waste this opportunity.

Watching the Scatterbugs flee, I sigh with relief. In truth, I didn't know if I would survive that; there were a lot of them. Fortunately, I suppose, I had help. Turning to the Espurr, I introduce myself. "What may your name be? I am Prince Phillipe of the Water Empire".

That's an accurate assessment, yes.

Well the alternative is worse. "Oh yeah, even though she looks just like Severa she actually isn't Severa". That would be just blatant fanservice. Admittedly this is little better, but at least she was developed as a character. I actually want to know why she changed her name; no one would actually recognize Severa.

Wait, that's a spoiler? I thought it was obvious.

"No time for pleasantries!" I yell. "We fight back to back! You know that, don't you?" I prepare a Water Gun at the same time. My father made me study the campaigns of many great military leaders, like Hannibal Beartica, Napoleon Cuboneaparte, and Genghis Kanghaskhan. I only hope I picked something up from that as I ready for battle.

Chapter 6 Here Comes the Sun Japan emerged from the Second World War as by far the strongest nation in Asia, commanding a new alliance that fought against both European Imperialism and Communism. During the 50s and 60s, East Asia would truly enter the modern age, as skyscrapers were erected in Korea, insurgents hid in the jungles of Laos and Cambodia, and the anime of Japan fascinated the world. Japans rival as a superpower in Southeast Asia was unquestionably the Peoples Republic of India. India had gained its own sphere of influence in Burma and Thailand following the defeat of Sinocentric China, and was eager to expand it into Laos, Cambodia, and Vietnam. The monarchies of Laos and Cambodia, at least at the time, were unpopular, being viewed (not entirely unfairly) as puppets of Tokyo. Thus, the Indian funded insurgents were able to control large parts of the jungles of Laos and Cambodia. This crisis came to a head when Indian backed insurgents were able to assault Ankor Wat the capital of Cambodia, in 1957. This led to King Norodorom Sianouk begging Japanese Prime Minister Hiroshi Yamauchi to intervene. As such, on September 13, 1957, the first Japanese troops landed in Cambodia and Laos, pushing the Communist insurgents back to the jungle. It was the start of what would be known as the Wars of Decolonization in Southeast Asia. Now is as good a time as any to bring up the man who dominated these wars, and the period in general: Japanese Prime Minister Hiroshi Yamauchi. Yamauchi was born in 1927, to the owner and CEO of an obscure Japanese trading card company, established during the Meiji Restoration, called Nintendo. (Authors notes: this is actually true. Nintendo is that old. Look it up.) Unfortunately for Yamauchi, Nintendo was forced to declare bankruptcy in1929, when it lost its biggest market, the USSA, after Long cut off trade to Capitalist countries. The Yamauchi family was driven into poverty. This incident left Yamauchi with a great hatred of Communism, which, lets say, he would act upon during the Wars of Decolonization. Yamauchi joined the Imperial Army in 1943, the earliest time he was of age, and served with distinction in Operation Overthrow, famously saving the life of Emperor Hirohito himself from a Chinese sniper when the Emperor was visiting the front. Rising to the rank of Captain, he became the youngest person ever to be elected to the Imperial Diet in 1950, at the age of only 23. Using his popularity as a soldier to his advantage, he became Prime Minister of Japan in 1955 on a radically anti Communist platform. Thus, two years later, when the Cambodians begged for help against the Red Menace, Yamauchi was outright thrilled to accept. The General in charge of operations against the Communists was Prince Nobuhito, the brother of the Emperor. Nobuhito had had experience with guerrilla war before when serving in Korea. Seeing the Korean tactics against the Chinese, he discerned that the way to win the guerrilla war was to win the hearts and minds of the people of Laos and Cambodia. But how to achieve that goal? Nobuhitos plan was quite simple. When the spring of 1958 hit, the Japanese and Cambidian/Lao armies swept out of the cities, identifying the farmlands of the areas as key targets. Time and time again, his armies would meet the insurgents, and time and time again, the insurgents would be forced to retreat, eventually retreating into the jungles of Laos and Cambodia. This was accomplished in its entirety by 1960. What Nobuhito did next was simple: he essentially turned to the Kings of Laos and Cambodia and informed them that they had to get their shit together. With Japanese aid, Laos and Cambodia began to modernize. The peasants were being fed again. By targeting the power base of the Communists, Nobuhito had destroyed the effectiveness of their guerrilla war. He then stepped back and allowed the governments of Cambodia and Laos to finish the insurgents. In this way, the insurgencies were effectively defeated by 1965. Cambodia and Laos had entered the modern age. Meanwhile, some obscure rebel leader named Pol Pot died a death only significant for its flamboyance: as the Cambodian royal army converged on the positions of his soldiers, he retreated into a cave, only for the inside of that cave to be hit full force by a missile, and then collapse on top of him. His body was never found, and has likely been reduced to an atomic level. Unfortunately for Japan, and the world, they were not so lucky in Malaysia and Indonesia. These two countries would become the birthplace of a new ideology: Islamic Fundamentalism, or Islamism. Islamism was a response both to Communism and secular Capitalism; it was the new reaction. Many credit the destruction of the Ottoman Empire and the humiliation of the Caliphs, the House of Osman, that had a Potsdam like effect on Muslims. Indeed, Islamist rhetoric declared that the House of Osman had sold out to the West, and thus was no longer in the favor of Allah. A new Caliphate was needed, they argued, one that would not kowtow to the Infidel. Islamism would see its rise in Indonesia. As mentioned previously, the Indonesian Federation had been granted independence by the Dutch after Japan had liberated it from Chinese occupation in WWII. Following this, the island was firmly in the Japanese sphere of influence, and was a vital supplier of oil to Japan. That all changed, though, when a Communist coup led by Achmed Sukarno and backed by Long seized control of Jakarta in 1958. Yamauchi was in a panic; losing Indonesia would be a huge blow to Japan. So he did the only thing he really could: give arms to any and all opposition groups: in this case, the Islamic Brotherhood of Indonesia, led by a charismatic Imam known only as Suharto. The Islamist Insurgency was renowned for its brutality, with Communist forces persecuting Muslims, Islamist forces publicly beheading Communists, and both sides committing genocide against Indonesias Protestant, Hindu, and Buddhist minorities. After ten years of war, though, Suharto finally marched triumphantly into Jakarta, declaring the Islamic State of Indonesia. Unfortunately for Yamauchi, he had just helped fill the Pandoras Box of Islamic Fundamentalism. This sowed the seeds for the Wars of Religion of the 1970s and 80s. But as they say, that is a story for another day, because the worlds attention was about to be captured by another crisis, from South Africa. The city of Soweto had been captured by insurgents, and Hendrik Voerward had done something that hadnt been done since 1941. Soweto was destroyed by an Atomic Bomb.

There were certainly bagpipes, but the lyre, which was Greco-Roman, was also present. In any case, my team: Corrin, Felicia, Xander, Peri, Elise, Silas, Camilla, Niles, Leo, Charlotte, Arthur, Effie, Selena, and Beruka. Arthur is my favorite minor character in any story ever, I find Charlotte hilarious because she sounds exactly like this one girl I knew in the US, in both voice and personality, Niles is a nice deconstruction of the Edgelord, Selena is much better than Severa, Beruka seemed kind of generic, and those are the only minor characters I really have an opinion about. I agree with most that Leo is an actual good character and would make a far better King than Xander, and I think Camilla could have been interesting if her issues were dealt with in the story, rather than the supports. Xander is a dumbass, and Elise, while she can be so sweet she gives me diabetes, is also occasionally fine. I also generally notice a pattern that I like characters who hardly ever interact with Corrin better, with Leo as the only exception.

Yeah, that was my second favorite map theme. I like the music in Conquest in general, but that did stand out. The music in Conquest is actually mostly from instruments used in the Roman and Byzantine Empires.

A Clockwork Orange. My goodness, what a dark book!

Okay, as promised, final thoughts: The good: Do I really need to say the gameplay? This is one of the best FE games in the series in terms of map design. My two favorite Chapters are Chapter 10, for being the most euphorically difficult thing I've played in FE history, and Chapter 25, for how atmospheric it is. Besides the map design, infinite use weapons was, in my mind, the right move. I used to hate getting characters with really powerful weapons and then not using those weapons until the endgame. It also removes Boss Abuse as a viable strategy, which is good as Boss Abuse should die. The music, too, is amazing, especially Lost in Thoughts all Alone. Rena Strober's voice there is amazing, and the endgame rendition is awesome too. Finally, some of the characters, particularly Arthur, were quite entertaining. Arthur's voice actor was having a lot of fun, you can tell. The bad: Well gee, I wonder what I'm going to put here. Yep, the story of Conquest is shit. It has no idea what it wants to be. Is it a dark and edgy story, or an idealistic story where the hero doesn't kill anyone. It has basically everyone acting like complete morons, and, of course, the Corrin dick sucking brigade is an ever present menace. I would go so far as to say the story is the worst story in FE history. Besides the story, the RNG is a fucking dick, and the endgame is a motherfucker as well. These are the only real complaints I have, though. So despite all my harping on the story, savvy readers will notice that Fates Conquest is my favorite FE game. This is true. The gameplay is the most important element of any game, and at that Conquest excels. I enjoyed this game immensely, and I enjoyed sharing my frustrations in the story with you all. And so, one final time, goodbye. See you at Revelations.

I don't think I'll do Birthright, because I've already played some of it.

The gameplay was phenomenal. I'll sum up tomorrow. Bah, foiled again! Well thats just bad storytelling right there. The story of each version should stand alone. No, because in Blazing sword you just have to fight the dragon; the Dragon level isn't a full fledged level, its more like the true boss of the Chapter appearing. Conquest's endgame is very much an actual level. Glad to hear it; I am after all possibly the official history buff of SF as proclaimed by Shuuda.

Wow. Just... wow. I never expected that the story would get quite so bad. This is definitely Nohrian revisionist history. Well, here we go. -Well, I've already said most of the ways that the scene with Takumi, Mikoto, and Ryoma is shit. Here are some of the ways, however, that I have neglected to mention. Well, here they are: -How long has it been since Ryoma died, a couple of hours? He seems far too comfortable with that whole "dead" thing. He definitely shouldn't be giving wise advice! Obi Wan at least waited a day before telling Luke to use the force, and he waited years to appear as a ghost! Calm your tits, Ryoma, and wait your turn. -So when exactly did Takumi die? It couldn't possibly be before Chapter 10, and you'd think his siblings would notice a change. Earlier it was implied to be gradual, but here Takumi makes it seem all sudden. -What the fuck convinced Takumi to forgive Corrin? Was it when he watched from heaven as Corrin did nothing to stop the massacre of innocent villagers? Or maybe it was how Corrin did nothing to stop the massacre of POWs. Oh wait, silly me, it obviously actually was how Corrin did nothing to stop the massacre of innocent residents of Shiragashi! Wow, silly me! -What motive could the spirit possessing Takumi possibly have for committing genocide against Nohrians? How much of Takumi's memories does it have? If its loyal to Takumi's desires, how much of a possession is it, anyway? Why did it want to posses Takumi? WHAT IS THE POINT OF TAKUMI BEING POSSESSED IF HE'S JUST GOING TO DO WHAT HE WAS ALREADY DOING ANYWAY? They really could have explained this whole possession thing better, for both Garon and Takumi. -The Fujin Yumi: Not only is it a hilariously overpowered bow, it doubles as a repair kit! Available now at IKEA! -Hey, Lillith's back! I see the writers are trying one final time to pretend that she was a character who actually mattered. For those at home, this is her fourth cutscene total that she's had with Corrin. Boo hoo. -Where did that goo... stuff come from? That would probably lower the value of Castle Shiragashi in the Real Estate department significantly, Takumi. I hope you're prepared to pay for that! -Despite pretty much hitting me over the head with the fact that this is NOT Takumi, game still calls Takumi Takumi. As such, so will I. -So! I've already elaborated on what colossal dicks the designers are for making me restart Chapter 27 all those times. But at least I got to listen to good music doing it. Good god, this endgame theme is phenomenal. -As Water Mage so kindly pointed out in the snark equivalent of kill stealing, yes, you do fight Takumi Trump by making walls. I guess this time, he did pay for them! -Man, I went full on Stalin tactics for the endgame. SO I thought I'd dramatize a moment in the endgame that really felt cool to me. Beruka fell quite early on, bravely cutting down one of the sages so that Corrin could live. Selena, Beruka's lesbian lover, was devastated. With a howl of grief, she turned to face the oncoming horde of Faceless. She felt the power of Sol glow within her. So yeah, a pissed off Selena held off basically all the Faceless for this level. -They just don't make final bosses like they used to. 60 HP? Really? Oh, I'm sure the Fire Dragon, Julius, Ashnard, and Ashera, and, fuck it, even GRIMA, are quaking in their boots. -So Takumi Trump;'s dead, and that's great, but that kind of doesn't change the fact that there are a bunch of spawn points for weird fire ghost things still there. We just gonna ignore that? Ah, fuck it. I want to be done with this story. -Did Gunter become a priest while I wasn't looking? Or is it just a proud Nohrian tradition to have the Jeigan crown each King? -Ah, I see that Xander is using the Soviet definition of "ally" when he refers to Nohr's "alliance" with Hoshido. Oh yeah, its a fully equal partnership, its just that Nohr can bitchslap Hoshido pretty much any time it likes! -You know, Xander, I'm sure that the soldiers and people of Nohr will be just thrilled that you just granted independence to an unspecified amount of Nohrian territory. Just like the people of Germany were thrilled after the Treaty of Versailles. -No. -Fuck no. -Bull fucking shit. -They had the balls... -Okay, okay, I've calmed down. Now that thats out of the way, FUCK! They have the balls to have Hinoka and Sakura be here and be all "oh, thanks for conquering us!" This once again could have been an interesting scene had the siblings been pissed, but it looks like just another day's work for the Corrin dick sucking brigade! I mean, the game makes no attempt to, for example, develop Sakura's character after her captivity. Just... good god. -Also, wasn't Hinoka spotted by the Nohrians, which was why Iago attacked Corrin in the first place? Are you seriously telling me she escaped the entire Nohrian army undetected, after being spotted? -I hate this ending, I really do. For a game that trie to be all dark, it sure is an unrealistic solution to a complex issue! I mean, the Israelis and Palestinians wont just wake up one day and decide to stop fighting. This ending makes a mockery of how the world works. Well, there we go. The story is over with. My final thoughts on the game, and the story, will be up tomorrow; what I liked, what I disliked, and all that jazz. This will be the last you see of my wonderful snakiness, though, until the now confirmed In Which blah the Prussian Blindly Reacts to FE Fates: Revelation, available on this forum whenever I finish both Radiant Historia and Mario and Luigi: Paper Jam. Until then, though, thanks for reading!