Making the WORST possible FE Game

[FRZNHeir]

Alright, for some reason, Nintendo has decided to let SF make a Fire Emblem game. Who knows why, but I think we should make them regret that decision- let's make the absolute WORST possible FE game. I'm talkin bottom of the barrel. Absolute dogwater.

We've only been given one rule-

• Must be in the style of mainline Fire Emblem; not a Warrior's style game

I'll start- All reinforcements are Ambush Reinforcements with Pass. No matter what class. Berserker? Has Pass. Sage? Has Pass. Paladin? Has Pass.

[Revier]

Oh that's really easy. Just make a game stuffed with pandering waifus and one hero dude, and make the tactical gameplay utter crap. Wait, did I just copy IS' "formula"? 🤔😆

[AnonymousSpeed]

Every tile. Every map. Swamp.

Armors cannot move. You recruit them anyway.

[Capt. Fargus]

5 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Armors cannot move. You recruit them anyway.

Cant hit the side of a barn either

A certain Wendy springs to mind

[AzureEmperor]

Main villain isn't defeated in the base game, you have to buy the REAL ending like Asura's Wrath

[Fire Emblem Fan]

Every other map is a Fog of War map with no torches available, and every other unit you get is the same leve of quality as Gwendolyn. The main lord is an archer with no Prf weapon and they're only as good as Gordin.

[vanguard333]

A game that outright lies to the player about all the stats. A character that has a "100%" chance to hit actually has a 0% chance to hit, while a character with a 50% chance to hit actually has a 75% chance to hit. To catch people thinking, "the lower number is better", the lower numbers below 50% are still low, but jumbled around. The weapon damage is also lies. Weapon durability works by each weapon being assigned a random, small number of uses that is invisible to the player.

Not only that, but enemies blatantly do not follow the same rules as the player characters. All enemy units have greater movement and greater attack range, blatantly ignore fog of war and don't even pretend to be unable to see the player characters, and they can blatantly go through walls and objects in addition to being able to pass through player characters without the need for the pass skill. Finally, all weapons do not lose durability when wielded by enemy units.

All maps are fog of war maps in swamps and deserts, and there are no playable flying units; only enemies have flying units.

Every line of dialogue is an outdated meme, and they aren't even Fire Emblem memes.

[FRZNHeir]

20 minutes ago, AzureEmperor said:

Main villain isn't defeated in the base game, you have to buy the REAL ending like Asura's Wrath

That might be the most disgusting thing I've ever seen. You're in.

3 minutes ago, Fire Emblem Fan said:

Every other map is a Fog of War map with no torches available, and every other unit you get is the same leve of quality as Gwendolyn. The main lord is an archer with no Prf weapon and they're only as good as Gordin.

30 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Every tile. Every map. Swamp.

Armors cannot move. You recruit them anyway.

Combining these two together makes it absolutely unplayable. I'm a fan of that.


I think we should take some cues from Fates/Awakening and have an Avatar character, but their appearance is randomized. 

[FRZNHeir]

1 minute ago, vanguard333 said:

enemies blatantly do not follow the same rules as the player characters.

So Maddening Mode/Lunatic mode but as the base difficulty?

[AzureEmperor]

I also think we should bring back biorythym AND Judgral fatigue

[vanguard333]

Just now, FRZNHeir said:

So Maddening Mode/Lunatic mode but as the base difficulty?

Yes, and taken even further than maddening/lunatic modes.

What did you think of the rest of my ideas?

[Armchair General]

Armor knights with Renewal, Aegis, and an inflated Res stat.

[FRZNHeir]

1 minute ago, vanguard333 said:

Yes, and taken even further than maddening/lunatic modes.

What did you think of the rest of my ideas?

I feel like the stats idea can be elaborated upon, or made even worse. Just display the formula for hit chance with only one of the fields filled in. 

As far as the enemies walking through walls thing, I do believe that it's already evil enough having pass. And being in a swap. And them being flying units. Don't enemies in FE typically ignore FoW anyways? 
Though I will say, all enemies should have effective weapons. At all times.


I also think we should take a cue out of Final Fantasy 2's stat growth system. Instead of characters having growths, they gain stats based on how much that stat gets used by them. Very. Slowly.

 

[lenticular]

All enemy attacks have a floor of 1% chance to crit, that the player cannot mitigate in any way.

There's a PvP mode, and it's mandatory. Partway through the game, you get shunted into PvP and you have to get some obnoxiously large number of wins before you're allowed to continue back to the main story. You have to repeat this every time you play. And yes, of course there are pay to win microtransactions.

All your units are laguz who start the map with transform gauge at 0.

All enemy mages have at least one of: Meteor, Berserk, Sleep, Entrap, Hexing Rod.

There's a hub area. It is large and sprawling, but also completely empty and lifeless. There is no fast travel, and loading times suck. There are lots of situations where you have to go back and forth between rooms multiple times to hit as many loading times as possible. Every time you want to do anything, you have to talk to someone, and then sit through a long, poorly-acted, unskippable voice line while they reply. These are completely generic and don't change at all over the course of the game. The whole place is full of button-mashing minigames which will destroy both your controller and your hands. There is face-petting. Everything advances on a real-time basis. And literally all of this is strictly required to get even the most basic resources that you need to get through the game.

Supports exist, but they have no mechanical effect, and the support conversations are Radiant Dawn style.

[Revier]

29 minutes ago, lenticular said:

There is face-petting.

Lock progression for every level behind face patting and head patting minigames. Easy GOTY.

[Jotari]

The only available weapons are Devil Weapons.

[ARMADS!!!]

Fog of war in every map, and It's like FE5: the background is also all dark and invisible to you.

 Ambush spawns and you can get enemies on chests.

 Every map has obnoxious traps like FE6's gaiden chapters.

 Maps are as big as FE4's but you have no horse units, they're enemy only.

 Becomes even more anime and dating simulator (though that might be good for some people).

 Doesn't have a single paired ending or support convos or S support (so not even who likes dating sim emblem will like it).

 Also FE6 like hit rates.

 Most enemies have a very annoying skill that makes some your units' turn end immediately even if they're on the other side of the map.

 The actual ending is conditional and obscure, and you don't get hints like on FE6 but instead the conditions are random as fuck like "go to specific tile with specific random ass optional character". And the true ending is not like just an extra cutscene, It's the actual ending that if you don't get it'll be obvious that you missed something (like on FE6 but instead of having the game just end abruptly, you'll get an extra "you didn't get the true ending" cutscene too that will be just the villain screaming "skibidi toilet" like memes on your face while doing Fortnite dances).

 Every map has the same theme and It's a 10 second song looped over and over again like some Adobe Flash games (and you can clearly tell where the song is looped + It's a very annoying song).

 The characters break the 4th wall to talk to you a la FE7 all the time.

 The calculations are as complex and annoying to make as nowadays Fire Emblem Heroes with a bunch of damage reduction, extra damage and reduction of damage reduction stacked. You have no battle forecast to help you with it.

 We have a new feature now: A special item called Walk. It's a bit rare and has 30 uses, your units can only walk if they have it on their inventory, so your whole party has to keep trading the few Walk items you have to move throught the map. The item can be stolen by enemy thieves and it easily happens on FoW maps (that is every map of the game), and enemy units don't need to use it.

 More than half of the enemies have their inventory and stats hidden from you.

 The game starts with a very long, bizarre and annoying tutorial mode that doesn't teach you anything at all and doesn't have an ounce of story. Lyn mode will look like a masterpiece close to it.

 

3 hours ago, AzureEmperor said:

Main villain isn't defeated in the base game, you have to buy the REAL ending like Asura's Wrath

 WTF? Sheesh, that's a game to not play then. 

 I suggest that our new FE, on top of this, also has multiple routes and you gotta pay for each of them like in Fates, except that you need to play them all otherwise you miss important stuff. Also multiple lords and to find out their backstories (that are constantly mentioned during the plot) you have to pay for the DLCs "episode Lord 1" "Episode Lord 2" and "Episode Lord 3"

2 hours ago, FRZNHeir said:

I also think we should take a cue out of Final Fantasy 2's stat growth system. Instead of characters having growths, they gain stats based on how much that stat gets used by them. Very. Slowly.

 

But they get the stats that they don't use instead.

Edited May 3 by ARMADS!!!

[lenticular]

8 minutes ago, ARMADS!!! said:

The calculations are as complex and annoying to make as nowadays Fire Emblem Heroes with a bunch of damage reduction, extra damage and reduction of damage reduction stacked. You have no battle forecast to help you with it.

There is a battle forecast, and it's actually well-made and helpful. However, it's actually explained in-universe that the main character is a master tactician because they can see potential futures, which is an ability that they only have because of a specific magical macguffin. Said macguffin gets stolen by the enemies after chapter 3 and you don't get it back until halfway through the final map of the game, so you're playing through almost all of the game without it.

[ARMADS!!!]

14 minutes ago, lenticular said:

There is a battle forecast, and it's actually well-made and helpful. However, it's actually explained in-universe that the main character is a master tactician because they can see potential futures, which is an ability that they only have because of a specific magical macguffin. Said macguffin gets stolen by the enemies after chapter 3 and you don't get it back until halfway through the final map of the game, so you're playing through almost all of the game without it.

Also when you get it back on the end, the enemy has undermined it on purpouse without your knowledge so now you have a fucked up battle forecast without knowing, unless you learned to make the calculations well enough to notice.

Edited May 3 by ARMADS!!!

[Hrothgar777]

-You can buy "skins" for your units based on other video game franchises, especially American ones whose main audience is 13 year old boys, and hit YouTubers whose main audience is 13 year old boys. You'll need real-world currency, of course.

-A PvP mode with an unmoderated chatbox.

-There's in-game choices and different routes, but all the pertinent dialogue is as generically worded as possible so that the scriptwriters didn't have to get creative and account for all of these.

-There's four countries and very little thought was put into their names. One is a land of fire called Infernia. Another is next to the sea, and it's called Marina. Mountainous country, Alpinia. Desert country, Saharra. The only national culture that we see boils down to environment-themed puns and aphorisms, and stereotypical ethnic costumes.

-The way every character's written plagiarizes some other FE character from a previous entry that was released within the last 12 years. Their visual designs are technically distinct but not memorable at all. If they're not plagiarizing one character it's because their entire personality is a cliche (e.g. gentle country girl who can talk to animals, stoic warrior prince, etc.) that 10 other FE characters have done already while also being sort of interesting, except in their case they're totally one-dimensional beyond some banal trivial like "I hate the taste of radishes" or "I'm afraid of the dark" thrown in for good measure.

-Weird anachronisms everywhere that don't add anything to the game and kill immersion in the premodern fantasy world setup.

-Some class and weapon types are obviously better than others, with no real payoff to investing to make somebody, say, an armored unit or a flier. Underutilization or nonexistence of, say, triangles to justify limited use of these. Some stats are objectively less useful, and unfortunately some characters' builds and growths will favor those at the expense of more useful stats. Some units will end up never being used in playthroughs because it's always more cost-effective to go with somebody else.

-The umpteenth dark lord is the main villain from the start. This time, however, Nintendo tries to be clever and "deconstruct" the dark lord trope...by revealing at the last minute that you've been hoodwinked and somebody else was the dark lord instead all along. Or that MC is the dark lord's son/daughter, because apparently evil might be genetic. Oh, what a twist!

-If you earn enough points, you can unlock a "bathhouse peeping scene" that's played for laughs and isn't creepy at all. Of course, at least 70% of the cast is under 18.

-The turnwheel mechanic is randomly omitted from this game, to the chagrin of modern players who are accustomed to it being there and don't have the patience to redo an entire level because they made one misstep or failed to anticipate one ambush spawn.

-There's chests scattered throughout maps and they're often out of the way, but they drop items you can easily buy.

 

 

Above all, the worst version of FE is that which isn't fun, either because it's boring or unplayable, or both.

Edited May 3 by Hrothgar777

[AzureEmperor]

Similar to Street Fighter 6's commentary setting your entire playthrough will be talked over by influencers with no way to turn it off, instead of FE-tubers though it'll be political grifters during cutscenes criticizing how woke the game is and general Nintendo Fans during gameplay portions to complain about every RPG mechanic in this RPG. 

Also chests work like the MK11 Krypt where you have to be online at all times so any items you get are randomized ranging from actual items, skins, concept art, tracks, character bios, funny videos, or one of the several different types of currencies the game has. Just like MK though you can totally get repeats of items meaning most chests won't be worth it.

Edited May 3 by AzureEmperor

[ARMADS!!!]

5 hours ago, Hrothgar777 said:

-There's in-game choices and different routes, but all the pertinent dialogue is as generically worded as possible so that the scriptwriters didn't have to get creative and account for all of these.

-If you earn enough points, you can unlock a "bathhouse peeping scene" that's played for laughs and isn't creepy at all. Of course, at least 70% of the cast is under 18.

 

Above all, the worst version of FE is that which isn't fun, either because it's boring or unplayable, or both.

 - The choices can be as extreme as something that directly results on an important character's death. Even then, they'll opt for being ambiguous and after this specific choice is made, they'll stop mentioning this character at all in a way that wouldn't be believeable both if he was alive or dead. Another example would be one where the villain thretean you to give him an important item and you can chose to do it or not but no matter what you do, no one will mention the item again to avoid having to reveal with who it is now and dealing with your choice.

 - the "bathhouse peeping scene" can be a whole "bathhouse peeping game mode/mini game" that you're forced to play in between some maps.

 

 Also, the characters do weird and out of place pop culture references, we have character whose gimmick is liking Lil Nas X, other that calls himself a Taylor Swift stan and another that has an Only Fans. It's not even supposed to be funny, just "hip and modern". Also every mention to alcohol is switched to "Nyan Cat" to "censor" it, so we have a character that is clearly an alcoholic but everyone refere to him as "being addicted to Nyan Cat memes", again, It's not played for laughs.

 

[Shanty Pete's 1st Mate]

12 hours ago, AzureEmperor said:

Main villain isn't defeated in the base game, you have to buy the REAL ending like Asura's Wrath

Congrats, you've just made Fire Emblem Fates.

There are actually a dozen different kinds of "Plain" tiles, visually indistinguishable from one another, with movement costs varying between 0.7 and 1.4. Except for certain enemy-only classes, where the costs are inverted. And no, of course you can't turn on enemy attack ranges.

Everyone loves Thracia, right? Let's bring back Fatigue. Except now, it's chance-based, increasing with more actions performed. Couple that with a high "minimum deployment" count, and the duty to send most of your units into the meat grinder to get every paralogue - and, therefore, the True Ending. Basically, you must have between 12 and 15 units alive at any given time.

We finally get a verified, bonafide, canonically trans character. And they're really respectfully-written and well-rounded. Problem is, they suck when it comes to gameplay. And on top of that, they're part of a "Samson-Arran" dichotomy with the single-strongest character in the game. Think "RD Haar vs. Lyre".

[Revier]

Nah man, the writing has to be the trashiest trash ever. Just have one dude as the leading hero and a bunch of pandering waifus that he has to headpat to progress. Also throw in constant upskirts and pantyshots during the gameplay as a "bonus", maybe even a cloth tearing system.

[Shaky Jones]

There is a gaiden map for every single chapter. You have to get all of them to unlock the fake good ending (pay money, unlucky). If you miss 5 gaiden maps, you will immediately get the worst ending and your game will prematurely end wherever you are. None of the gaiden unlocks are simple. They're actually randomly generated each run you attempt. 

Speaking of, all maps in this game are AI generated. The only guarantee is the aforementioned FoW Swamp maps and such.

The game features its own divine pulse variant. You get about 31 uses, but it does not refresh per chapter, making it similar to the save staff in TRS, but if you use up all of them, you will be directed to the eshop to buy more uses or have your entire save file deleted. 

You cannot actually save your game however. You can only bookmark it. If the protag or one of many important green units with zero luck throughout the game dies and you would immediately game over, you may exhaust 10 divine pulses to restart the map in a traditional FE sense, or you can use golden time crystals to simply redo the turn and lose no divine pulses.

Golden time crystals can only be purchased for $4. This is a better deal compared to simply buying 10 divine pulses for 50 cents each. There will be one golden time crystal present in the main campaign, but it's on a running thief, and you will never reach them in time, unless you bought the 30 dollar day 1 DLC that gives you bolting. You'd still need to run and use torch to see them, which will presumably get your healer killed  from enemies they didn't see because the maps are still randomly generated. The healer is considered essential, so you more or less immediately wasted the crystal you just obtained. 

The Day 1 DLC also gives you a character who's integral to understanding the story of the game, as they are the only non pure fanservice character who will actually know what the gaiden requirements for each map. Most of them anyways. You will never know the one for the penultimate map. Don't worry, there's still 3 mandatory quirky dates with them, which they absolutely hate, but randomly decide to love after the end of the 3rd date just so if you unlock the true ending, they become Kaga'd brainwashed for endgame and they double down on the drama. Fail to save this person, and you effectively lose because they are the only one who can defeat the true final boss. You can only save them by defeating the mini bosses in a certain order you aren't told about. 

If you're just playing the regular game without the DLC and you go for the fake good ending, that final boss will only be killable by the protag who's required to have capped their strength and speed to not get 1RKO'd by them, which is difficult because the lord has 30% growths on both of them. Treasures like stat boosters throughout the game are also randomly generated, so you might never get speedwings.