Altera the Hun Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 For those who don't know what the hell I'm talking about, go look up the "G-Pub". I'd suggest Resident Evil Highschool too, but no one ever archived the damn thing. ~~~ *August 24. It's the first day of school at Archanea High since the summer vacation ended. Marth and his buddy Merich missed the bus and walking to school...* Marth: Gah... First day of school, and I've already missed the bus. Merich: It could be worse. I mean, at least we're relatively close to the school to begin with. Marth: I heard the principal got canned over the summer. Something about budget cuts. Merich: Hey, they didn't shut down the school at least. I mean, that's gotta be better than the alternative... *The two stop and turn to see Raccoon High School, shudder, and dash as quickly as they can away from the front gate.* Marth: Sucks to be them. Who the hell would want Albert Wesker as a principal? Merich: I'd love to say there could be worse, but I can't think of a worse alternative. *The two finally arrive at Archanea High, and notice that there are 6 times as many busses as usual, as well as a LOT of new students.* Marth: What... Merich: The... Both: Hell!? *The two rush over to one of the busses, where some of the new kids were getting off.* Marth: Who the hell are you guys!? Where did you all come from!? Sigurd: *Hopping off the bus* We're from Jugdral High, one of the high schools the district shut down due to budget constraints. Merich: Wait, one of? Sigurd: Yeah, turns out five other schools got shut down, too. They're all getting sent over here, except for those poor Tearring High saps. Marth: Why? What happened to them? *Meanwhile, at Raccoon High...* Albert Wesker: So, you boys and girls are the new students from Tearring High, eh? Do you have any question about the school? Runan: Why are we all handcuffed to these chairs? Wesker: So you can't run away. Now assume the position. *Back at Archanea High, Sigurd, Marth, and Merich shudder off the thoughts of what's happening to the former Tearring High students.* Marth: The one time where making fun of their school name actually fits, and I'm just too disturbed to make the joke... Merich: Don't worry. I'm sure Julian will make a stab at it by the end of the week. ???: *Over the PA* Attention all students! Report to the Gymnasium for an assembly ASAP! Do not go to First Period! Do not collect 200- *Fighting noises can be heard over the PA. Several students start muttering amongst each other about what's going on.* ??? 2: *Over PA* Please report to the Gym for an assembly. You will head to first period afterwards. Sigurd: What the hell was that about? Marth: I don't know, but that first voice sounded remarkably familiar... ~~~ *The Gym. All the students have gathered onto the bleachers in a cramped, unorderly fashion. Gharnef walks into the gym carrying a microphone.* Gharnef: Hello, students, and welcome back to Archanea high! As many of you are aware, I have been "relieved of my duties" over the summer due to- Cain: YOU GOT CANNED BECAUSE YOU'RE A DRUGGED UP LUNATIC! Gharnef: QUIET, YOU! As I was saying, I am no longer the principal of Archanea High- *Several students start cheering up and down* Gharnef: I said SHUT UP! *The student quiet down* Gharnef: As the former principal, I want to introduce you to your new principal... *The side doors to the gym open, and a large, forboding character steps through. Many of the student's faces go from shock to dibelief to horror.* Gharnef: Please give a warm welcome for PRINCIPAL GHEB! Merich: *To Marth* Remember how I said I couldn't think of a worse alternative than Wesker? Marth: Yeah... Seems like the school district already did... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dat Nick Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Now assume the position. THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emeraldfox Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 You'll get no sympathy from Quarter Back Ike. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soviet Gregor Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Lachisis is a cheerleading whore, i called it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Altera the Hun Posted August 23, 2009 Author Share Posted August 23, 2009 Uh, this was intended for other people to join in and make stories as well, not just one-line posts... But hey, comments are always nice. ~~~ *History class...* Marth: Aw, hell, why GHEB, of all people? WHY FUCKING GHEB!? Abel: Hey, it could be worse. Everyone: HOW THE FLYING FUCK COULD IT BE WORSE!? Abel: "Principal Julius". *Silence, then more sulking.* Merich: Ya know, I don't think I feel so bad for those Tearring guys anymore... Ike: Yeah, at least Wesker is kinda attractive... *Marth, Abel, Merich, and the rest of the class start staring at Ike. Abel even scoots his chair away from him.* Ike: What!? *Suddenly, Julian walks in. Apparently he was rather late.* Julian: Hey, guys! I always knew naming a school "Tearing High" would wind up with... What the hell is with all this gloom. Marth: Gheb is the new Principal. Julian: ...Well, at least he's too fat to fit in the air ducts and spy on us like Wesker would, right? Gheb: *Over PA* That's what cameras are for, Julian. Now get over to my office. And bring the whipped cream. *Julian slowly walks out, sweating bullets, while the rest of the class laughs their asses off at his misfortune.* Marth: Heheh... Say, where's the teacher? *Meanwhile, over near Tellius High...* Sephiran: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!? What do you mean, I've been transferred? Random Soldier: The district closed the school, and the good teachers were transfered over to Archanea. Didn't you get the memo? Sephiran: ...I can't believe this... *Back with the class, various people shrug.* Ike: So... Should we skip? Abel: Eh, why not- Marth: Dude. Cameras. I don't know about you guys, but I don't want to end up in that Principal's office. Julian: *Over the PA* More like "Principal's Orface-" OH GOD THAT HURTS! Gheb: *Also over the PA* Put down that PA, manwhore! You're not allowed to touch that! Class: O.o;; Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ϲharlie Posted August 23, 2009 Share Posted August 23, 2009 Lachisis is a cheerleading whore, i called it. I think that role would be more suited to Sylvia. Dancers are the cheerleaders of Fire Emblem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colonel M Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 I want to see more of this fanfic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Defeatist Elitist Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Joint fanfics? I LOVE joint fanfics! You guys all know how much I love them, right? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dat Nick Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Lachisis is a cheerleading whore, i called it. I think that role would be more suited to Sylvia. Dancers are the cheerleaders of Fire Emblem. They're both slutty cheerleaders doing every member on the football team, how's about that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Altera the Hun Posted August 25, 2009 Author Share Posted August 25, 2009 *Gym, the men's locker room* Marth: Short shorts? We have to wear SHORT SHORTS!? Cain: I hear the girls have to wear microskirts... *All the guys except Ike and Soren start chuckling.* Ike: What? What's so funny? Cain: ...Look at my junk and I swear I'll kick your ass so hard your mother will feel it. Ike: My mom's dead. Cain: Yeah. I'll whoop you THAT good. *Julian comes back in, limping* Julian: Note to self- Avoid taking pot-shots at the principal, no matter how easy he makes it. Marth: Watch it, you might get called down again. Julian: Yeah yeah. Anyone got any Preparation H? Merich: It hurts that bad? Julian: Nah, I just want to be "Prepared" for next time. *Julian lets out a Muttley chuckle while the other just give him odd looks* *Meanwhile, in the girls' locker room...* Vika: I can't believe it! Lachesis: I know, this locker room's a dump! Vika: No, I mean the first time a woman gets to talk in this fic, and it's in the locker room! *Everyone stares at Vika in confusion.* Vika: ...What? Caeda: Are you feeling okay? Vika: Of course not! Us women are being oppressed with the filthy conditions in theis locker room! Sylvia: The guy's locker room is worse. Trust me. L'arachel: ...Eugh... Slut. Sylvia: Oh, shut up, you... Hey, wait a minute, didn't you and Ephiram get caught getting it on in the men's showers last year? Lachesis: Hey, yeah, I remember hearing about that... How did you not get expelled? L'arachel: Where do you think Gheb was principal before coming here? Lachesis: Oh... You're pretty skanky for the daughter of a Pope... L'arachel: Oh, and I suppose you've never screwed a man in your life? Lachesis: Actually, yeah, I havn't. I'm abstinent. *Everyone stares at Lachesis in shock.* Lachesis: ...What? Unlike some people here, I actually don't like the idea of getting pregnant. Sylvia: Condoms. Lachesis: They can burst, bright one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colonel M Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 Since this is a joint fanfic... *Hallway* Roger: Shiida? Where are you? I brought you something nice for you today! *Sudden noises are heard from a distance* Roger: Damn, I go and buy her 2000 gold worth of flowers, and I can't even find her in this mess! Well, guess I'll keep looking. *The noises get louder, sounds of kissing can be heard*. Roger: Hm, it sounds like it's coming from this closet. *Roger opens the closet, two people fall out; lips locked together* Roger (gasping): Sh-Sh-Shiida! What is going on! Shiida (flustered): Oh, uh... Roger! Well, you see... it's not what it looks like. Roger: Who is this guy? Jake: I'm sorry Shiida. I go- ???: Not so fast, Jake! *A person comes running down the hall, screaming at the top of her lungs*. L'Archel: What is going on Jake? Jake: L'Archel, I... Roger: Wait, are you saying that my girl and my girl's other man has another... I'm so lost. L'Archel: Jake, you promised me that you were going to stop this. Jake: Oh come on L'Archel, you knew it was over from the beginning. You never wanted to do anything but look at my shoulder. I mean, come on! Who asks a man to look at their shoulders and nothing else!?! Roger: You have some hefty explaining to do Shiida. Shiida: Roger, you know we never were together, right? Roger: What? I asked you out the day that you asked what love is? Shiida: Perhaps you didn't hear me the next day how I was wasted the night that I asked you that. L'Archel: Hey, this kid bought you some nice flowers and all you have to show is telling him you never dated? Shiida: We never dated. At least my "attatchment" doesn't sleep with other women. Roger: Geez Jake, you're getting burned right to the tip of the bone. Jake: If only you knew what she was like though. Talks about nothing but her chivalrous deeds and her rich uncle and yadayada. Roger: You know, now that you mentioned it... Shiida really is a whore. This is the fourth time I've caught her with some other man. Jake: Between you an I, Shiida was the fifth woman that L'Archel caught me macking on. Seriously though, you should be more open. Roger: Hmm... Shiida: I hate your shoulder fetish! L'Archel: I hate your slutty appearance! Roger and Jake: Yeesh, shut up! Shiida and L'Archel: You know what, we're through! Roger and Jake: Fine! Shiida and L'Archel: Fine! *All four split up. Another closet opens revealing another couple.* Est: What was that all about? Arran: Dunno. Shall we continue to make crappy babies? Est: Oh, Arran! I know I loved you for a reason! --- *A few days later, at the school park in the night* Shiida: Do you think anyone will see us? Zagaro: No. Even if they do, they will not live to see another day. Shiida: Oh my God, you're the man that I always dreamed of! You're so protective! *They start doing it. Then after about an hour* Shiida: Zagaro, you have got to be the greatest man on Earth! Zagaro: They don't call me the "Terminator" for nothing! Shiida: Zag honey, I gotta tell you something. Zagaro: What is it, babe? Shiida: The other day... I was picked on. By two of your classmates. Zagaro: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I don't believe you. Shiida: I'm sorry my love. You see, these two boys were so kind and I fell for their trap. Zagaro: Tell me everything. Shiida: Well one of them, Roger is his name, was nothing but a stalker. Remember when I tried to embarrass him at Wolf's party? Well, he thought I was actually being serious. Sure he bought me nice things but... it was all to take advantage of looking at me. Zagaro: So what about the other one? Shiida: This other man, he tried to sound like he was a sweet man. I found out though, he was nothing but a man looking for something to lock his lips with! He tricked me into a broom closet so he could make out with me. It turns out he was also dating someone else so it made the situation even worse. Zagaro: No one messes with the Terminator's woman. Fuck them assholes, I'll be back! *Zagaro leaves the scene. Shiida, crying and giggling to herself, slowly walks away from the scene*. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emeraldfox Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 You make her sound like a filthy cow. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Defeatist Elitist Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 *Enter Tibarn and Ranulf from a classroom* Tibarn: Yeah, we just had anal sex. *exit Tibarn and Ranulf* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dat Nick Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 (edited) Roger: Sigh...I really think I want Shiida back... Jake: Better reconsider, cuz she's mine. Roger: Hey! I've been trying way longer and hard- Jake: Long and hard? YOU, fat boy? As if. Roger: Better knock it off before I- Zagaro: Good morning. Jake: Hm? *looks up and stands on his toes to meet Zag eye to eye, or at least to come as close as he can* Good morning. Who are you...? Zagaro: Shiida's boyfriend. Jake: ...Oh shit. *punch kick PUNCH PUNCH KICK TACKLE PUNCH PUNCH* Zagaro: Any more shenanigans...and I'll be back. *leaves* Jake: Getting sodomized by Gheb doesn't sound so bad anymore...owww...I won't be able to do it for at least three years... Roger: I...don't think I want Shiida back anymore... Riff: Eh? What are you two doing all sprawled out on the floor? Git out, I got toilets to clean! Oh, you with the blue hair! I saw you making out with that sweet young lass the other day? How was she, eh? Zagaro: Dirty old man, eh? Riff: Oh, I admit I'm a dirty old- NYAAHH! *POW! BIFF! OUCH! WHAM! BONK!* Zagaro: Hasta la vista. Baby! Riff: I hope...nobody gets the toilets dirty...today...or in the next 4 years, for that matter...Hoo...*faints* *elsewhere* Merric: *placing cherry bombs in the toilet* That's all of em...Goodbye, girl's bathroom! *Merric steps outside and casts fire, blowing up the whole girl's bathroom* Wendell: ...And so a hundred years ago, the British- Whole class: zzzzzzzzz...... *fire alarm* Marth: Oh, thank goddess...let's bail! Wendell: ...Although they were no match for the British navy, the Germans still fought- *whole class stampedes over Jake, Roger, and Riff sprawled out in the hallway* Jake: Ahhhhh...dude, I think the janitor just croaked. Roger: I'm not...far behind...I REALLY don't want Shiida back... Wendell: Hitler, backed into a corner, committed suicide, thus ending World War II... Edited August 25, 2009 by Joker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Altera the Hun Posted August 27, 2009 Author Share Posted August 27, 2009 *Gym class* Wallace: ALRIGHT, MAGGOTS! LINE UUUUUUUUUP! *The class forms a line, military style, in front of Wallace, the Phys Ed teacher* Wallace: Listen up, maggots! Today, we're goning to play a little game. It's called Dodgeball. You maggots know what Dodgeball is, right? Julian: Is it as game where you dodge balls? *Wallace picks up a mock spear and breaks it over Julian's head* Wallace: Correct! Julian: *Now sporting a massive welt on his head* Ah... then why did you hit me? Wallace: I don't like sarcasm. Now then, Dodgeball is very simple. You throw the balls that are scattered around at each other. If you get hit, you're out. However, if you catch it, the other person is out. You understand? Gordon: Well, yeah, but where are the balls? Wallace: Right here! *Wallace dumps a large sack of 30-lbs medicine balls on the ground.* Wallace: You'll be playing with these! Marth: I-Isn't that dangerous? Wallace: No pain, no gain! Now get moving or I'll start throwing the balls! *Wallace blows the whistle, and the dodgeball game commences* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RPG Posted August 27, 2009 Share Posted August 27, 2009 Est: *trips* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soviet Gregor Posted August 27, 2009 Share Posted August 27, 2009 Rennac: Something Something I'm a lazy jerk Hmmm....Sylvia X Sain Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted August 27, 2009 Share Posted August 27, 2009 *Dodgeball game commences* Wallace: We will be playing a round-robin tournament for the next 4 weeks. This week, Archanea will play Jugdral, and Elibe will play Magvel. Tellius rests for this week. Ike: Damn, why do we have to rest now! Fuck that bitch- Gheb: Ike, you're coming down to the principal's office now for using bad language. Come quick, manwhore! Soren: Nooooooooooooooooooooooo! IKE! Gheb: You too, Soren. Soren: YES! Ranulf: *Smacks head* I swear, Skrimir is smarter than the both of them combined. *Elibe vs Magvel* *Hector proceeds to smash every single ball he sees* Wallace: Hector, you're out! Hector: What did I do wrong, Wallace? Wallace: You're not talking to me like that, boy! Now come here! I'm going to teach you a lesson. Hector: But now I can't fight with my friends! Eliwood: *Facepalms himself, consequently knocks himself out* *Kyle throws the ball at Eliwood's crotch, and hits successfully.* Eliwood: Fuck... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Defeatist Elitist Posted August 27, 2009 Share Posted August 27, 2009 *enter Micaiah and Volug* *censored* HAHA I AM SO FUNNY WILL I EVER STOP REFERRING TO MY OWN WORKS LIKE A GIANT FAG I THINK NOT Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fei Mao Posted August 27, 2009 Share Posted August 27, 2009 (Might as well try to make one...) (Basic of Fire Emblem Class ) Anna: Good Evening, most of you who are in this class will be future red colored units I'll start with the basics. Anna: First of all you are red, blues will always be your enemy and sometimes greens, no matter if they are family members, friends, relatives, former, comrades etc.... you must kill them all. Anna: If you fail to kill them all you'll sometimes be persuaded to join the blues or the greens and your former comrades will kill you no matter what. Keep note of that. Anna: Next..... (Anna drags her lesson along) (Xavier and his lieutenants takes notes) (Years later at Lenster yeah you know what happens...) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ether Posted August 27, 2009 Share Posted August 27, 2009 Archanea Vs. Jugdral Merric:Ah...FUCK!*dodging balls* Fury:Ooh...I can't hit him! Levin:*wrap's his arm around Fury,jazz begins playing in the background,he begins whispering to Fury seductively* Wallace:HEY YOU,LEVIN,STOP TRYING TO GET LAID!*throws a Javelin* Levin:meep.*Holsety* Wallace crashes onto the floor,unconscious,silence holds for a minute,until Julian yells out,"We're Free!" Gheb:Julian,to the principal's office,now. Julian:Meep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colonel M Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 ITT Julian is awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dat Nick Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 I support JulianxGheb over JulianxLena any day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 *Office* *Julian can be heard screaming in pain, Hector can be heard screaming in fear, and Gheb laughs maaniacally.* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colonel M Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 I support JulianxGheb over JulianxLena any day. That gives me a random fanfic idea... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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