Defeatist Elitist Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 oh u Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candlejack Posted September 6, 2009 Share Posted September 6, 2009 Frey: NO! What they DID was out me to that creep Jiol a few years back, and now I've got worse experiences than freaking Stefan! Horace: *Walks into cafeteria* Hi Marth... have you seen Nyna anyway? I want to tell her something... Norne: *Walks into cafeteria and sits at the Loli Archers table* Rebecca: Hi, I'm Rebecca, and this is Tania, Neimi, and... Dorothy. Dorothy: *Sniff* I just want to be pretty... Norne: Umm, why are Gordin and Leonardo here? Rebecca: Oh, they just came out of the closet a few months ago! Gordin: He knows how I feel... Leonardo: Yes pumpkin *Smooches* Edward: YOU'RE A WHORE, LEO. Nagi: *Goes to sit at the dragons table* *Sees Myrrh, Fa, and Tiki* Well screw that, I can pass for a teacher, let's see if I can get into Nasir's pants today. Athena: *Sees Marisa and approaches her, asking,* So, you too are a swordsvuman? Marisa: ...Yes. Who are you? I haven't seen you before. Athena: Ve are Athena. Marisa: Vat are-, ahem, what are you talking about, "we?" Athena: Ve? Vun Voman! Are you stupid or something? Marisa: You crossed a line... Ymir: *Watching from afar* Wow, I'd stop this but I can't miss out on two hot chicks fighting it out brutally. Horace: Oh, Athena... *Cuts himself in the corner* DAMN YOU ARMOR! Frey: (Notices Merich for the first time,) Is this Marth's new boyfriend or what? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colonel M Posted September 7, 2009 Share Posted September 7, 2009 (edited) Dolph: So little bro, what's your dreams of? Macellan: Big Mac. Dolph: Oh yeah, eating 100 Big Macs. Good luck with that. Macellan: Big Mac? Dolph: Me? I'm going to become the epic Mr. Clean. Then I'll pretend to die and become the next famous Dr. Dolph. Since, you know, Dr. Phil is ass. Macellan: Big Mac. Dolph: ...Is that all you're going to say? Macellan: No. Dolph: Well, see you after school. *During the day* Dolph: ...And then you apply some of my excellent cleaning stuff on the grease and grime here. Lowen: Oh thanks Dolph! Now I'll never go hungry again! *From a distance* Macellan: "I need a double cheeseburger and hold the lettuce Don't be frontin' son No seeds on the bun We be up in this drive-thru ...order for two I gots a cravin' for a number nine ...like my shoe We need some chicken up in here ...in this dizzle For rizzle my mizzle Extra salt on the frizzle Dr. Peppa my brotha Anotha for your motha Double double super-size and don't forget the fries" Crowd: ...*Cheers* Dolph: Holy shit! That was awesome Big Mac! Macellan: Big Mac! *A few days later* Clarine: So I heard, like, you're a famous rapper! Macellan: Big Mac! Serra: Like, oh my gawd! You are so awesome Big Mac! Can I have your autograph? Can I have a sliver of the chains or armor that you have on? Can you give me a discount on my album? Can you be a part of me? Oh yeah, have you ever been in prison before like all the famous rappers? Macellan: Well... *Setting: 1 year ago* Dolph: All I try to do is sell some of my awesome product while I'm high. Now I'm stuck in this hellhole! Macellan: Big Mac! Glass: Come on hon...you're gonna feel my peerless swordsmanship whether you want to or not. Might as well pick up that soap and get it over with. Boah, Dolph, and Maccellan: ...Oh shi-! Midia (from the other cell): Oh Astram, you came! Please sweep me off my feet and then we can ride away on your beautiful stallion! Boah: Poor woman. Dolph: Indeed. Macellan: Uh, Midia, you know that you ride a FREAKING HORSE right? Midia: What's that Astram? You love me despite how much I can't fight? Oh, I love you too honey. Boah: Oh for crying out loud, I think I prefer listening to Glass than her! Glass: Cmon old man, I'll show you what being experienced is all about! Batta: Glass, pumpkin. Let's leave our guests alone. They have to warm up for tonight's event with The Beast! Gheb: You cannot afford to lose a brilliant tactician like me! All of us are going to have fun after our little warm up! Boah: ...Screw it, I prefer being dead anyway. Macellan: I'll tell you what. I want one of you three versus me in a rapping contest. Yo Momma edition! Gheb: Oh I love raps. If you guys win, you can have our "Get Out of Jail Free" card. If you lose though... you're all our mincemeat tonight! Boah: Bring it! *A circle is made around Gheb and Big Mac*. Dolph: Alright, let's go over the rules. Best teller of the Yo Momma Jokes wins, k? Batta: THE BEAST SAYS GO! Gheb: Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention! Macellan: Yo momma so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party! Cord (from a distance): Cord: Yeah? Well yo momma's such a whore, she makes Shiida look like a good girl! OH SNAP! Bord: Shut up, Cord! Cord: No u! *Bord shuts up*. Gheb: Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order! Macellan: Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween! Gheb: Well, Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway! *The crowd gasps*. Macellan: ...That's it. Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her! Gheb: HOW DARE YOU TALK ABOUt MY MOThER AND RICE KRISPIES LEIK DAT! Grr... you win for today! *Back to the present* Serra: Like, oh mah gawd! You are so awesome! Clarine: I like class, but I'd cheat on class just to be with you Big Mac! Macellan: DAYUM STRAIGHT! Now ladies, I must go back to my boxing classes. Be seeing you soon? Women: *Scream and fap*. *At the boxing arena* Hardin: So you must be Little Mac's big brother? Macellan: And you must be Great Tiger's long lost cousin? Hardin: *Leaps up into the air* I will not die! MY DREAM WILL NOT DIE!!! Macellan: FALCON PUNCH!!! *The punch collides with Hardin's head* Dolph: CAPTAIN BIG MAC! *Sparks are flying everywhere* Hardin: GRAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!! *Explodes*. Announcer: And the winner is... BIG MAC! *Crowd cheers*. Macellan: I won! Dolph: Mac... MAC! Are you alright? Macellan: *shakes head*. Yeah, what happened? Dolph: Well, you see... you only killed his clone. The real Hardin came up close and punched you right square in the face and you were knocked out. Macellan: DAMN YOU HARDIN!!! --- Not as great as my Duessel one, unfortunately. Edited September 7, 2009 by Colonel M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Altera the Hun Posted September 8, 2009 Author Share Posted September 8, 2009 ~Legault's to do list~ 1) Get Gheb stuck in a doorway 2) Sucker Julian into going to the office 3) Molest Heath 4) Steal Marth's Tiara and tell him Ike is using it as a C-String 5) Hit on Katua in front of Zagaro and run like hell 6) Groap Heath 7) Tell Duessal his mother is Dorothy 8) Show Florina penis pictures 9) Fondle Heath 10)Switch Dolph's cleaning solution with corn syrup 11)Swith Wendell's corn syrup with cleaning solution 13)Destroy Heath's hopes and dreams 14)Switch Merrich's gym clothes with one of the Cheerleader's uniforms 15)Get Heath to- *The last letter trails off. Meanwhile, Heath is repeatedly stabbing Legault with a nearby rusty pipe while Marth and Merrich read the list off.* Marth: ...What the hell is a C-String? Merric: ...Well, this explains where that missing cheerleading uniform went... Gheb: *Over the PA* Legault, Heath, report to my office. And bring the whipped cream while you're at it. Heath: WHAT THE FUCK, MAN!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candlejack Posted September 8, 2009 Share Posted September 8, 2009 Frey: Hahaha, you said fuck. Gheb: *Over speaker* Frey! Report to the office, now! Wait, who's Frey? Ymir: Oh, you're fucked now. Literally. Frey: I think not, my culturally challenged friend, for you see- MINE is bigger! *Ceiling crashes behind Frey, as Gheb with red eyes, seething with rage, points at Frey* Gheb: YOU DARE TO CHALLENGE THE GHEB?!? PREPARE TO BE RAPED! Frey: No... it shall be ME who is doing the raping today! *Their cocks rip out of their pants and they collide as a shining light engulfs the surrounding area, Frey and Gheb roaring to overpower each other* Gheb: IS THAT THE BEST YOU'VE GOT, BOY?!? Frey: FACE MY WRATH, LARDASS! KUUYOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Gheb: HRAAAAAAA!!! *Explosions* Gheb: Ha... ha... you are a worthy adversary. Perhaps you shall finally satisfy me... Frey: Don't count on it Gheb... this longrod is only for the ladies... Norne: You two are insane. Gheb: Norne, Ymir, to my office now. And Ymir, bring the Triceracock. Ymir: WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?!? Gheb: Fail at life. Now, where was I... *Etzel walks in, with Dactyl and Grigas behind him holding a boombox blaring "My Milkshakes"* Grigas: Hey Hey! Etzel is in the HOUSE. Etzel: ... *Looks around* You there. Suck it. Palla: What the hell?!? You can't honestly expect me to- Etzel: *Uses mind-control powers over Palla* Palla: YES MASTER. Dactyl: OH SHIT BOSS! You get ALL da ladies! Etzel: Damn straight I do. Athena: *Walks in and sees Etzel* Vat is zat girl DOING to him?!? Etzel: There's a party on my scrotum and you're invited. Athena: Ha! I have multiple personality disorder! You can't do shit! Etzel: Have I... met my match? Horace: NYNA!!!!! *Sees Dolph* DOLLLLLPH WHERE IS NYNA?!? I ONLY WAN TO TALK- NO MORE GROPING, I SWEAR. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Altera the Hun Posted September 15, 2009 Author Share Posted September 15, 2009 Why the hell isn't there anything new in here!? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candlejack Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Because I can't double post. Why aren't YOU posting anything? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Altera the Hun Posted September 15, 2009 Author Share Posted September 15, 2009 I can't think of anything past... Jill: This style of flying Wyverns has been passed through the Fizzart family for Generations! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candlejack Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 (edited) Sety: Yet it could fall to Thunder Magic, could it not? *Thunderstorm'd* Edited September 15, 2009 by OliverXRenning Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roxas Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 *Ceiling crashes behind Frey, as Gheb with red eyes, seething with rage, points at Frey* Gheb: YOU DARE TO CHALLENGE THE GHEB?!? PREPARE TO BE RAPED! Frey: No... it shall be ME who is doing the raping today! *Their cocks rip out of their pants and they collide as a shining light engulfs the surrounding area, Frey and Gheb roaring to overpower each other* Gheb: IS THAT THE BEST YOU'VE GOT, BOY?!? Frey: FACE MY WRATH, LARDASS! KUUYOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Gheb: HRAAAAAAA!!! *Explosions* Gheb: Ha... ha... you are a worthy adversary. Perhaps you shall finally satisfy me... Frey: Don't count on it Gheb... this longrod is only for the ladies... WHAT THE FUCK?!!?!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candlejack Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 And Gheb calling in students to raep them isn't WTF worthy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Altera the Hun Posted September 15, 2009 Author Share Posted September 15, 2009 *Gheb runs in wearing nothing but a crotchless thong(?)* Gheb: Roxas, my office. Now. And bring the KY jelly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candlejack Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Sora: HEY GUYS! Riku: SORAAAAAA!!! *Start making out* Frey: NO WAY WILL THIS BE A CROSSOVER THEAD! HRAAAAAAA!!! *Uses Mercurius to pwn the fags* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roxas Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 *Gheb runs in wearing nothing but a crotchless thong(?)* Gheb: Roxas, my office. Now. And bring the KY jelly. Roxas: You bastard...! *Whips out Oblivion Keyblade* Marth: Wait... what the hell? Who is this guy? Sety: Dunno. Legault: Dunno. Eirika: *busy doing with Ephraim in the locker room* Sothe: I want a half-jacket like that. Roxas: *Activates Overtaker and Clear Light* Ayra: WHAT THE FUCK? HE HIT 15 TIMES WITHOUT A HERO SWORD, PURSUIT, OR CONTINUE! Roxas: *Steps over Gheb's fat, unconscious body.* RTC FTW. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Altera the Hun Posted September 15, 2009 Author Share Posted September 15, 2009 *Gheb suddenly gets up and smacks Roxas over the head with the RAEP HER, and drags him into the closet. Painful screams are heard shortly afterwards.* Marth: ...Eugh... Lethe: Why a window door? WHY!? Merich: I think I'm gonna puke... Jill: This style of being disturbed to the core has been passed through the Fizzart family for generations! Sety: ...If you listen hard enough, you can hear the tearring. Julian: Speaking of "Tearring"- Everyone: NO PUNS! Julian: Awww... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ether Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 *Gheb runs in wearing nothing but a crotchless thong(?)* Gheb: Roxas, my office. Now. And bring the KY jelly. Roxas: You bastard...! *Whips out Oblivion Keyblade* Marth: Wait... what the hell? Who is this guy? Sety: Dunno. Legault: Dunno. Eirika: *busy doing with Ephraim in the locker room* Sothe: I want a half-jacket like that. Roxas: *Activates Overtaker and Clear Light* Ayra: WHAT THE FUCK? HE HIT 15 TIMES WITHOUT A HERO SWORD, PURSUIT, OR CONTINUE! Roxas: *Steps over Gheb's fat, unconscious body.* RTC FTW. ether:Hey,hey Roxas,wake up. Roxas: *wakes up* E: you were dreaming about beating up the principal again,eh?It won't happen,you should give it up before you get hurt,see ya. R:Where are you going? E;To see Mia,I'm one of the few guys in this topic besides Sedgar who can get laid besides Gheb. Roxas: :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candlejack Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Frey: Me too. Hell, I just screwed Palla, Sylvia, and Caeda. Not to mention Nyna and- Sedgar: Pardon me, but did you say you screwed Caeda? Frey: Why yes I did! Sedgar: My girlfriend? Frey: Why yes I did! Sedgar: *Attempts to punch Frey in the face, but Frey catches his fist* Frey: Ha! If it weren't for that... incident... I'd be king of the school! You have no chance! *Attempts to punch Sedgar, but Sedgar catches HIS fist as well* Sedgar: Ha! You wish you were as awesome as I! *Intense stare-off, creating a miniature black hole at the direct center of their intersecting gazes* Oliver: *Walks in* Hellooooo children! Frey & Sedgar: *Turn to stare at Oliver, who instantly implodes* Frey: I like your style. Sedgar: I like your moves. Etzel: I like your whores. F&S: *Turn to stare at Etzel* Etzel: BEEYITCH! My awfulness as Berserker!Etzel beats out your awesomeness! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Altera the Hun Posted September 15, 2009 Author Share Posted September 15, 2009 *Wrestling team practice* Largo: *Wearing a shirt with the word "Meat" written in red on it* AWLRIGHT, GUYS! THIS IS THE FIRST WRESTLING PRACTICE OF THE YEAR! CAN I GET A HO-RAH!? Gatrie/Ike/Raven/Bartre/Ardan: HO-RAH! Boyd: Ho-rah... Largo: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!? I CAN'T HEAR YOU, MAGGOT! SPEAK UP! Boyd: Ho-Rah. Largo: THAT'S BETTER!! NOW GET YOUR GEAR ON AND GET TO WRESTLING WHILE I LOAD UP ON MY STEROIDZ!!!! *Everyone pairs off; Boyd and Gatrie, Ika and Raven, and Bartre and Ardan.* Boyd: Man, this is so gay... Gatrie: Excuse me? What's so gay about this? Boyd: Well, for starters, We're two grown men in spandex outfits grabbing at each other. Gatrie: ...and? Boyd: That doesn't strike you as a little gay? Gatrie: Nope! Boyd: ...What the hell have I gotten myself into? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candlejack Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Oliver: *Walks into the Gym* Helloooooo? I am the Wrestling Instructor and will be helping you all out with... he he... POINTERS. Ike: ffffffffffuck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Altera the Hun Posted September 15, 2009 Author Share Posted September 15, 2009 Oliver: *Walks into the Gym* Helloooooo? I am the Wrestling Instructor and will be helping you all out with... he he... POINTERS. Ike: ffffffffffuck. Largo: AUGH! YOU CAN'T BE THE WRESTLING COACH!! I'M THE WRESTLING COACH!! STEROIDS!!! *Largo grabs Oliver, flips him on top of his shoulders, and proceeds to Kinnikuman Buster Oliver, which causes every bone in Oliver's body to break under the weight of his own blubber* Largo: YEAH! STEROIDS!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candlejack Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Oliver: Muohohoho! You cannot defeat a being of pure beauty, fool! Muoho VALAURA! *Sucks out the steroid compounds from Largo's body* Largo: YARGH... ST-STER... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Altera the Hun Posted September 15, 2009 Author Share Posted September 15, 2009 Oliver: Muohohoho! You cannot defeat a being of pure beauty, fool! Muoho VALAURA! *Sucks out the steroid compounds from Largo's body* Largo: YARGH... ST-STER... Largo: STEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Largo, through sheer willpower, sucks the Steroids back into his body, as well as converts the Valaurea itself into pure steroids and absorbs that as well. Suddenly, Largo's right arm transforms into a massive syringe* Largo: GIGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! STEROOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID!! BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! *Largo nails Oliver with the Syringe, vaporizing the fat bastard on contact.* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candlejack Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 Oliver: Bwahahah! That was Gleb, you freakish fool! But I am not really the instructor. I am the Assistant, I wanted to test your beautiful will before I could serve you. Ike: This is... weird. Oliver: MUOHOHO! I see I have a volunteer for a demonstration of my "Cocks-A-Floppin" Technique! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colonel M Posted September 15, 2009 Share Posted September 15, 2009 After the Duessel thing, I've had writer's block. Well, I was thinking of something: the badass Mercenary group. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Altera the Hun Posted September 15, 2009 Author Share Posted September 15, 2009 I might end up doing a Power Rangers parody in a couple days... Need to think it through, though... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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