Fire Emblem Highschool

[Nestling]

Volug was sleeping in his room on a bright and sunshiny day, sleeping naked, his penis still erect from yesterday night. He awoke, and looked at the clock. He was 1 hour late for school. Volug flew out of the bed and ran for the door while going into his wolf form.

When he arrived at school, he crashed through the window of the class he was supposed to go to. The students in the class just stared, and the teacher also stared.

"God dammit, Volug, I've told you about this..." The teacher said.

Volug started going to his human form, but realized that he forgot to put any clothes on. He tried changing back, but it was too late. He was sitting in the class naked with an erected penis right in front of one of the students.

"Get the **** out of here and get some friggin clothes on, *****" the teacher said.

Volug walked outside, went into wolf form, and ran back to his house. He almost made it, until some guy grabbed Volug by his tail, and pulled him into a dark alley. Volug was about to attack, but he felt something being inserted to his anus. Volug went into a soft and happy state of mind as he felt this thing run up his ass. He never actually felt anything go up there before. That was usually his job. He decided to look back to see what it was. He noticed a child, roughly about 14, smiling as he slowly pet Volug. The child had no clothes on, and when Volug looked at his tail, he noticed that the child's crotch was there.

Holy crap.

[Altera the Hun]

*Lunch. Abel, Cain, Astrid, Amelia, and Finn are gathered at one of the lunch tables.*

Abel: Hey, Finn! What are you doing over here?

Finn: You say that like I belong somewhere else.

Cain: Arn't you usually with Alec and Noish?

Finn: Not by choice. Those guys suck.

*Silence as Alec and Noish walk past, totally oblivious*

Astrid: I heard those two are massive potheads.

Amelia: Pot? Isn't that that green stuff you're always carrying?

Astrid: NO! THAT'S... Uh... Catnip! Yeah, Catnip! >.>;;

Finn: Oh, come on, no one really cares if you smoke it or not.

Abel: Seriously. Half the school is on some drug or another.

Cain: Even the teachers... *Nods to Largo and Oliver, who are again butting heads*

Astrid: What's Oliver addicted to?

Cain & Abel: Enzyte.

Astrid: ...Oh...

*Suddenly, the lot are teleported away from the table. No one notices, because they're all too high.*

*Meanwhile, at the Command Castle*

Sephiran: Alpha Black, where are those teenagers with attitude I asked for?

Black Knight: *Somehow shaped like Alpha from the Power Rangers* Aiyaiyaiyaiyai, they've slowed down mid teleport! How can this be!?

*The five cavaliers suddenly teleport in, all dazed as can be. Abel immediately spins around and pukes over a railing.*

Sephiran: WHAT THE HELL!? ARE THEY STONED!?

Astrid: Oh, I smell burning catnip...

BK: ...Seems that way...

Sephiran: Oh, damnit... How long until they snap out of it?

*BK walks over to Cain and snaps his fingers in front of Cain's face. Cain just drools.*

BK: ...A night?

Sephiran: ...Fuck it, a night it is. I'll just explain everything to them when they wake up.

[Candlejack]

Riev: *Walks in*

Yeah I'm Ivan Ooze.

*Walks out*

----------

*Norne, Frey, and Ymir walk into the cafeteria, where everyone is stoned*

Norne: What the hell happened here?

Frey: Looks like I DO sweat like a dog- or the equivalent to a God Dog.

Ymir: *Limping slightly* I don't smell anything, though that may have to do with Gheb putting his penis in there.

Frey & Norne: *Stare awkwardly at Ymir as they back away*

*Suddenly, Crawling In My Skin starts blaring throughout the school halls*

Horace: *Crashes through one of the walls* CRAAAAAWLING IIIIIIIN MY SKIIIIIIIIIIIN!!! NYYNAAAAAAAA WILL NOOOOOOT COME FOR MEEEEEEEEE-

Nagi: *Knocks him unconscious with Divine Breath* Hmm, we need to get these kids out of their drunken stupors so I can get back to screwing Nasir. Hmm...

HEY EVERYBODY! GHEB QUIT AS PRINCIPAL!

Everyone save Julian: REALLY?!? YAAAAAAAAY!!! SEE YOU LARD-ASS!

Gheb: ... Nagi, I owe you one. Everyone currently in the cafeteria, please head towards the office... without clothes.

Frey: Woah, neither I or the loli archer said anything!

Norne: Yeah, we were just- wait what?

Ymir: GOD DAMNIT NOT AGAIN!

Athena: The vee vuns have been visked avay! Ve must-

Frey: *Smacks Athena over the head with his Godzilladick, knocking her out*

----------------

L8RRRRRRR:

Frey: So guys, I've made a meeting here to create a band that rivals the might of Sedgar's Posse. Because we all know they are gigantic superfags.

Raven: Fair enough.

Gerik: Seems a bit harsh, but meh.

Shinon: As long as I get lead guitar...

Haar: Zzzzzzz drums zzzzzzzz

Duessel: Indeed.

Levin : Lead singer... yeah.

Frey: Well, Sedgar's merry men already nabbed Oswin, Michalis, and Sety, and with Wolf and Sedgar, that's five. So in order to make things fair, we'll need to get rid of two of you...

So I say Gerik and...

Gerik: WHAT?!? FINE, YOU DICKS! I'll just go join Sedgar's band then you fucks!

Frey: ... Assuming they let him in, that's an even six-on-six band fight. Assuming they DON'T...

Shinon: I say Duessel. He's nearly Neimi-bad in Eirika runthrough- I'm good in every way possible in FE10.

Duessel: What about FE9? You sucked no matter WHAT then.

Haar: Zzzzzzzzzz pwnd in both zzzzzzzzzz

Frey: Sleepy-shit has a point. You both have weaknesses. However, we might stick with Duessel mainly because his fucking hot mom will be the groupie.

Duessel: Damn straight.

Shinon: Rargh! That Faggerik better make it...

Edited September 17, 2009 by OliverXRenning

[Ether]

(later on,somewhere in the school)

Ether:Thing really have gotten rather hectic nowadays,eh Mia?

Mia:Yeah,I mean,with Frey's group challenging Sedgar,the whole school has been thrown into turmoil.

E:Frey got a lot more support than people thought he would,although it's mostly guys who were mad at Sedgar for stealing their Girlfriends...

M:Guys like that are pathetic...I mean,He's freaking SEDGAR!Every girl around here who got the chance has slept with him.

E:Holding an undeserved grudge is a bad thing,I always told myself that.The fact that you came back to me proves that,had I RAEGed at Sedgar,we wouldn't be together right now,even if I managed to find a way to survive the encounter.

*Screams are heard from nearby,coming closer*

E:Damn it,not again...

*Sedgar's and Frey's groups appear,in combat,after a short while,Sedgar and Frey are the only ones left from the opposing sides*

M:They always do this,and they always tie,it will never end!

E:This saddens you,doesn't it...?

M:Ether...?

E:You need to be happy...that was the goal I set for myself,my purpose...if this fighting saddens you,I will stop it...

M:Ether...!No,don't!

*Frey turns at the sound of a yell,and sees Ether plummeting towards him,forged Poleax poised to slice his horse down the middle,Frey readies his lance in a defensive position,and....*

[Candlejack]

*Gets raped by Frey's lance*

Frey: Ha! You thought you could defeat me in the name of your oddly high-pitched girlfriend? I don't think-

*As Frey taunts his foe, Sedgar rushes forward with a Zagaro Pawnch, but Frey is prepared, and catches the fist, as he sends a Freybow Smash into Sedgar's temple*

Frey: Fool! You shall not defeat me so easily... nor so cowardly!

Sedgar: I've ruled this school for as long as I remember. You won't get any sympathy from me.

*Rush at each other*

Etzel: *Approaches Mia*

So baby, how about you and I go around the school so I can Flux you- HARD?

[Roxas]

I STILL am the one and only claimer of Rutger, correct...? Because if I'm not... *draws sword*

I claim Rutger, Shiva, and Robert.

[Ether]

Ether: Nngh...damn...so be it,it seems I'm not good enough to end this yet,however...*throws tomahawk at Etzel*

STAY AWAY FROM HER!

*Etzel is cut by hand axe,and slinks away into the shadows*

Mia:Thanks Ether,he was creepy,let`s get you healed up.

*exit Mia,supporting Ether*

Frey:Hah,Sedgar,we may be close in combat prowess,but my trusty steed Garfunkle put's me over the...

*horse dies from a slash wound*

Frey:H-h-h-he hit Garfunkle...?NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

*a single tear streaks down Frey's face,as he retreats*

Sedgar:Well,I guess I should see if that guy`s ok,I was getting bored of fighting that guy.

*exuent*

[Altera the Hun]

*Morning. The five cavaliers all awaken from their pot-induced coma.*

Abel: Augh... Were are we?

Sephiran: You are in the Command Castle.

*The five spin around to see Sephiran's giant disembodied head floating in a tube*

Cain: OHMYGODAGIANTTALKINGHEAD!

*Astrid and Fin bith let out high-pitched, girly shrieks. Everyone, including Astrid, BK, and Sephiran, give Finn an odd look.*

Finn: ...That totally wasn't me screaming.

Sephiran: Riiiight... Anyways, I'm not a "Talking floating head." I'm sending holographic imaging from far away-

Cain: You're behind that curtain over there, arn't you?

Sephiran: DAMNIT!

BK: What Sephiran is trying to say is that you five have been chosen as defenders of good!

Amelia: What? Good? There's good in Fire Emblem High?

Sephiran: Hey, it was you guys or those nutjobs from Racoon High. Who do you think I'd rather have?

Amelia: ...Point taken.

Sephiran: Anyways, the evil Ashera Antagonista is invading Earth. A team of five teenagers with Attitude is needed to stop her.

Cain: ...Aaaaaand?

Sephiran: You druggies are that team.

Astrid: IT'S NOT DRUGS!

Finn: Right... And how exactly do you expect us to fight this "Ashera Antagonista"?

Sephiran: By becoming the Mighty Morphin' Paladin Rangers, of course!

Amelia: Wouldn't something like "Power Rangers Paladin Force" be more appropriate-?

BK: AIYAIYAIYAIYAI! TAT WOULD BE GROUNDS FOR A COPYRIGHT SUIT!

Amelia: What the hell is a copyright?

Sephiran: Sh... Shut up! It's the Mighty Morphin' Paladin Rangers, damnit! And it's gonna stay that way! Now Alph- I mean, Black Knight, give them their Paladin Coins!

Cain: Really? Paladin coins? Are we going THAT far to rip Saban off?

Abel: They can't complain. They went under.

Cain: ...Touche.

*BK Hands the group their coins, around which forms a belt buckle.*

Finn: ...So we have the EXACT SAME MORPHERS, but we're stuck using a knockoff name? What the hell?

Sephiran: DO YOU WANT BANDICKS TO COME AFTER YOU!?

Finn: ...Bandicks? You know what, never mind. Let's just try these things out...

Finn/Abel/Cain/Astrid/Amelia: IT'S MORPHIN' TIME!

*Meanwhile, Bandai is suing America's vital regions for blatant copyright infringement in this post.*

[Candlejack]

Riev: BWAHAHAHAHA! Those rainbow retards think they can defeat ME? The great Ivan Oo-

Jiol: Shut up! Shut up or they'll hear you, simpleton!

Riev: ...Who the hell are you?

Jiol: I am Jiet, son of Z- umm...

Riev: Zet?

Jiol: FUCK! YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL!

Riev: ... What???

Jiol: Huh... guess what Gharnef said WAS a fib.

Riev: Wait, didn't Ivan Oo-

Jiol: NO!

Riev: ... Rievan Ooze betray Z- Jiet?

Jiol: Yes he di- oh crap.

*Jiet is sent away*

Riev: Awesome. Wait, where are his former underlings?

Linus: I'm the log-head one. YES MASTER PLEASE LET ME LICK YOUR BOOTSSSSS

Lyon: I'm the tactician. Also secretly scored with Jiet's mom.

Yurius: I'm that one guy that sort of randomly appeared midway into the movie. So yeah...

Riev: Fuck, this is what I'm stuck with? Oh well, at least we aren't facing much of a challenge.

Lyon: Actually, there's Frey, Cain, and Abel to worry about, plus Astrid depending on her version. I don't even know WHY Amelia is there...

Riev: Damn! We need some sort of spy, or a last resort fellow...

3-13 Archer: You rang, good sir? Me and my mercenary troupe will assist you any way we can.

Snake's utilt: Hmm.

Falcon nipples: Aw yeah.

Juggernaut: You know who I am... bitch.

Gordon Freeman: .........

Riev: Holy fuck, why am I surrounded by constant freaks of nature?!?

---------------

Frey: Huh, I suddenly have the urge to don a purple suit that gives me special powers. And because of that, I must kill other people with similar suits. Oh well.

[Altera the Hun]

*Suddenly, the five go through a disturbingly Sailor Moon-ish transformation sequence, before their armor suddenly appears on them*

Cain: ...Why do I feel like I'm wearing a skirt?

Finn: I think you are... I think we all are...

Sephiran: Oh, yeah. I forgot to remove the skirts for the guys. Whoops.

*Cain, Abel, and Finn give Sephiran the bird*

BK: Aiyaiyaiyaiyai! Rievan Ooze has appeared in downtown Fire Emblem!

Amelia: What, Fire Emblem is the name of the City now, too?

Sephiran: Of course. And the Cavalier coins? Stored in Fire Emblems.

Abel: Wait, the morphers are- Goddamnit, this theme naming is going overboard.

Sephiran: Blame Saban's lawsuits. We needed more of a pastiche to avoid getting ripped a new one financially.

Cain: Whatever. Let's go!

*Nothing happens*

Cain: ...What the hell? I'm the Red Ranger! I'm the guy in charge!

BK: Actually, Cavalier Blue is the leader...

Cain: Cavalier... Blue?

*Everyone looks at their suit color to see what Ranger- I mean, "Cavalier" they are*

Finn: Oh, yeah, that's me. Whoops.

Cain: ...Stupid Finn and his stupid leadership experience...

Finn: Cain, stop whining. CAVALIER RANGERS, LET'S GO!

~~~

*Back at Fire Emblem High, Revenants are tearing up the place!*

Oguma: GODDAMNIT, EPHIRAN, I THOUGHT YOU SAID THESE GUYS WERE PUSHOVERS!

Ephiran: They were! It's like, they suddenly became competent enemies!

Sigurd: JESUS CHRIST! THEY BROKE MY TRYFING!

*Largo suddenly steps in*

Largo: I'LL TAKE THEM ALL ON! STEROOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIIII-

*Largo gets decked by a revenant and knocked out*

Ike: HOLY CRAP THEY ONE-SHOT LARGO!

Boyd: GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER!

*Suddenly, the five Cavalier Rangers, all wearing their appropriate helmets now, teleport in*

Sigurd: ...Who the hell are you guys?

Finn: Why... AHEM!

*The five get into formation*

Cain: Cavalier Red! *Poses*

Amelia: Cavalier Pink! *Poses*

Abel: Cavalier Green! *Poses*

Astrid: Cavalier White! *Poses*

Finn: Cavalier Blue! *Poses* Together, we are...

All five: THE MIGHTY MORPHIN' CAVALIER RANGERS! *More Poses*

*Everyone else, including the Revenants, sweatdrop*

Sigurd: Finn, take that ridiculous outfit off.

Marth: Cain, Abel, I'm dissapoint.

Ike: I know you're a pothead, Astrid, but-

Astrid: IT'S FUCKING CATNIP!

Ephiran: ...Who's the last one?

Everyone: AMELIA! IT'S AMELIA, YOU DUMBASS!

Ephiran: Oh, right. She looks... Taller...

Finn: How did you figure out it was us?

Ike: You guys kinda teleported out in the same rainbow fashion yesterday...

Finn: Oh. How come you didn't call it immediately then?

Sigurd: We were waiting for vocal confirmation. The Ginyu Force ripoff only cemented it, you DBZ nut.

Finn: Uh... Whoops.

Revenant: ...GET THEM!

Amelia: THEY CAN TALK NOW!?

Ephiran: Yeah, and they're compe-

*The Cavalier rangers proceed to, within seconds, wipe out all of the Revenant with their bare hands*

Ephiran: ...tant... You know what? Keep the ridiculous getup. It's apparently worth something.

Finn: Alright, guys. I think we're done here. Let's de-morph.

*The five reverse their transformation... To find that their clothes had vaporized durring the original transformation.*

Finn: ...Well, damn, I shoulda seen that coming.

Gheb: *Over the PA* Cavalier Rangers, proceed to my office. And bring the whipped cream.

Finn/Abel/Cain/Astrid/Amelia: O.o;;

[Jaybee]

That wasn't really funny...

[Altera the Hun]

That wasn't really funny...

[Candlejack]

Nah, it wasn't. I just felt like saying something to keep the thread alive.

------------------------

Frey: Hey, RxO! Guess what?

Me: Wait, how the hell am I here? This isn't right, a self inse-

Frey: Apparently you're a racist.

Me: God damn it I've had enough of that.

Frey: ...Is it true?

Me: NO ITS NOT TRUE GODDAMNIT.

???: HA HA HA! It was ME who did it!

Me: ...Where the fuck did that voice come from?

Jack Thompson: I posted that bullshit!

Me: ... Jack Thompson? Jack fucking Thompson got onto my account and-

Frey: YOU BASTARD! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!

Jack Thompson: YESSSH! And now I shall conquer ALL of the Emblemverse! Bwahahaha!

Sedgar: Not so fast, fag. I'm here to stop you.

Frey: I'll help, even though you killed Garfunkle.

Sedgar: Sorry man, it can't be helped.

Frey: Don't worry, I poisoned your horse with Gheb sperm while you weren't looking. LET'S CLASS FUUUUUUUSEE!!!

Sedgar: HIYAAAAAAAAA!

*They conjoin to form...*

Freydgar: We are everything and we are nothing. We are Great Knight with caps of over 40 in everything and fourteen movement. We have no weaknesses.

Jack Thompson: CURSE YOU, FREYDGAR! I'll be back!

Ymir: And that's how the two most awesome people in the world saved Christmas.

Me: WHAT SORT OF DRUG IS EVERYONE SMOKING?!?

smash_fanatic: lolnub

Me: YOU TOO?!?

Joker: Of course. Self-inserts are all the rage nowadays. See, there's CrashGordon getting it on with Lyre and Catsuit Mist.

Joshybear: Hey, I'm in a-

America: *Drops on top of Joshybear with a steamroller and goes* WRYYYYYYYYY!!!!

Me: I'm done here. Should've gone to Eiken High...

[Jaybee]

What the hell happened to me?

[Candlejack]

You got crushed by Za Americano.

[Altera the Hun]

America: Alright, guys! Since we're whoring on the self-inserts anyways-

Marth: What the hell, man? Self-Inserts? REALLY!? Not even the Resident Evil Highschool has to put up with those.

America: Yeah, but they get weekly visits from Jack Thompson, and have had more crossovers than Super Robot Wars: Kingdom Hearts.

Marth: ...Does that even exist?

America: It does now. It also has Marvel characters.

*Marth pauses, then spins around and begins banging his head against the wall*

America: ...ANYWAYS! As it turns out, the cast of Advance Wars will soon be joining us here at Fire Emblem High!

Astrid: *Completely baked* Heh... He said "High"...

Merrich: Hold it, why are the Advance Wars characters showing up here?

America: Simple- Intelligent Systems sued my ass for the Cavalier Rangers series, and the only way I could get them to drop the suit was by including their OTHER major series.

Merrich: ...You've gotta be kidding me...

America: You're right, I am. They're headed over to Resident Evil High.

Merrich: You know, I'd feel bad for them, but Wesker might actually be better than-

*Albert Wesker is suddenly seen streaking across the sidewalk in front of the school, COMPLETELY exposed*

Merrich: ...You know what? Never mind. Gheb is the lesser of two evils.

America: ...Yeah... Definitely the lesser of two evils...

Ike: *Runs over* Did that guy have four penises?

America: I tried not to look, let alone count.

[Candlejack]

IS also made Paper Mario.

Which is better than every FE combined.

[Altera the Hun]

*A few days later, in the cafeteria...*

Julian: ALRIGHT, GUYS! Now that Gheb's imposed a "No Self-Inserts under punishment of Raep" rule, we can get back to doing what we do best!

Marth: Speaking of which... What the hell DO we do?

Merrich: Avoid getting raeped, take classes that no one EVER talks about... Except Gym, for whatever reason.

Julian: That's why I got the idea of putting together a Student Government!

*The entire cafeteria goes dead silent*

Ike: ...Holy crap, I never noticed we didn't have one...

Celice: I always thought there was something missing from this place...

Yuria: There's A LOT missing from this school. It's not hard to forget one or two things.

Marth: Stuff missing? LIKE WHAT!?

Yuria: Well, for one, there isn't a soul in the Kitchen.

*Again, dead silence*

Marth: ...Touche, little girl. Touche.

*As Marth turns back around, Yuria jumps to strangle him before being barely restrained by Celice, Finn, Sety, and Leaf*

Julian: ...So anyways, I figure we should have a vote on who should be our class president. Nominations?

*Julian is immediately bombarded with nomination upon nomination*

Julian: God, not all at once! One at a time, so I can understand you, damnit!

*The others shrug, and begin raising hands. Julian calls on each person for their nomination, and writes the nomination down on a notepad. Several hours (And two skipped classes) later, a full list is born*

Julian: Okay... So, our list of nominations is...

Julius

Sonia

Ashnard

Lekain

Medeus

Lyon

Cavalier Ranger Blue

Hilda

Rievan Ooze

Valtome

Julian: ...What the fuck!? These are all villains!

Finn: I'M THE HERO, DAMNIT!

Julian: Oh, right. One hero in a shitload of villains. Yeah, we're screwed...

Gheb: *Walks in* Two classes skipped, eh? Looks like it's MASS RAEPTIEM!

*Gheb rips his clothes off, and the entire cafeteria scatters. For everyone's sanity, we'll take a break here and skip over this bit of hell.*

Edited September 23, 2009 by America

[Emeraldfox]

*in the cafeteria*

*Lena sees Serra at a table with a jar*

Lena: Umm.. Serra..?

Serra: Hm? Oh! Hi Lena! Care to make a donation?

Lena: I can't, sorry.. Umm.. What is it for?

Serra: So I can buy a space shuttle so I can tell aliens about my greatness!

*Lena sees the jar is empty, and everyone is far away from the table*

Lena: Umm.. Good luck.

Serra: I already have that! Hey! You could help me gather donations!

Lena: But I'm hungry..

Serra: Non sense! We could share my lunch! ^_^

Lena: Alright.

*they begin eating when they notice Marcia coming over*

Marcia: Hey guys! What's going on?

Serra: We're collecting donations so we can buy a space shuttle to tell aliens about our greatness!

Lena: !! When was I added into this?!

Serra: Will you donate?

Marcia: Sorry.. I can't. I spent all of my money on a new lance. I swear to Ashera if anyone tries to look at Kieran again...

Lena and Serra: Umm..

Marcia: Oh, sorry! Sometimes I get a little carried away..

Serra: Yeah.. Will you help us?

Marcia: Sure!

Serra: Good! Oh, how's your cousin?

Marica: Who? Est? She's fine. Getting rocks thrown at her.. But she's fine.

Serra: Ohh kay..

Marcia: Yeah.. Soo.. Lena, have you seen Natasha?

Lena: Umm.. The last time I saw her was in class, she said she would skip lunch to spend some time with Joshua. She had a whip, candles, some sort of ball, and rope..

*Marca and Serra look at each other with frightened looks on their faces*

Lena: I'm worried too...

Edited September 23, 2009 by Momizi Inubashiri

[Altera the Hun]

America: Wait, What? Kinky!Natasha? That doesn't seem right...

Gheb: I'll tell you what seems right: RAEPTIEM!

America: OSHIT! *Runs like hell, with Gheb in close pursuit*

*Meanwhile, Phys Ed...*

Largo: GUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! WE NEED TO DO MUSCLE TRAINING FOR CLASS TODAY!!

Marth: What? Why?

Largo: BECAUSE WE GOT OUR ASSES KICKED BY FRIKKIN' MOOKS THE OTHER DAY! STEROIDS!!

Marth: Ah. Yeah. I mentally blocked that.

Largo: YOU ALL NEED TO START PUMPING IRON! THAT'S WHY I'VE FILLED THE GYM WITH ALL THE IRON I COULD GET MY HANDS ON, STEROIDS!

*Largo makes a massive sweeping motion to the rest of the Gymnasium, which is filled with the most State-Of-The-Art Gym equipment*

Sigurd: JESUS CHRIST!

Bartre: It's... *Sniff* It's beautiful...

Ike: WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET ALL THIS!? AND WHERE'D YOU GET THE MONEY FOR IT!?

Largo: I BOUGHT IT ALL OFF A FRIEND FOR $80!!! HE'S SO RIPPED NOW, HIS DICK CAN BENCH PRESS A LITERAL TON!!

Ike: And who the hell would that be?

*Cut to Joshua, who has just punched out Chuck Norris, Charles Atlas, Cthulu, Fighter, and a DnD Monk within 30 seconds in a 5-on-1 Boxing match*

Joshua: Oh yeah! Who's next?

*The camera pans over to reveal a literal army of the most badass, manly, and powerful characters ever, ranging from Freddy Kreugar to Jotaro Kujo to Deadpool to frikkin' Darkseid.*

Joshua: You know what? Screw this 5-on-1 shit. I'll take you all on at once!

*An Epic battle ensues, but offscreen as we pan back to the Gym*

Marth: Well, damn... And here I thought he was just another one of those gambling loser types...

*Everyone glares at Makalov, who cowers in a corner.*

Largo: MAKALOV!! GET UP HERE AND START PUMPING SOME IRON, YOU SPINELESS SAP!!! STEROIDS!!!!!!!

*Makalov solemnly shuffles over to one of the benches and tries to lift the bar, but dispite all his struggling, can't get it to budge.*

Makalov: It... It's too heavy...!

Largo: YOU PANSY!! THERE ARN'T EVEN ANY WEIGHTS ON THAT BAR!! STEROIDS!!!

*Sure enough, there arn't*

Makalov: Oh... Heh... Would you look at that...

*Cue childish insults from the rest of the class*

Largo: WHAT ARE YOU LOT WAITING FOR!?! START PUMPING, STEROIDS!!!!!

*Sure enough, within seconds, everyone in class (Except Makalov the Pansy) is indeed pumping iron.*

[Altera the Hun]

Largo: WHAT!? WHY IS THIS TOPIC NOT ON THE FIRST PAGE!? STEEEEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIIIIDS PAONCH!

*Largo decks the topic, bumping it back onto the first page*

[lolDeath]

sephroth coms in n kills u all

[Altera the Hun]

sephroth coms in n kills u all

And Arch actually trusted you to Admin FEU? No wonder that place crashed and burned...

[Candlejack]

Oliver: Oh my! It appears we have... *Licks lips* ... a slightly less gifted boy. Come, Makalov, I'll help you with your... incapability...

Makalov: *Under a strained voice* HELP... ME... ANYONE... *Dragged into storage closet where muffled gags and "Never Gonna Give You Up" is heard.

Frey: ... Fuck. I'd hate to be that guy. Who was that guy anyway? Is he a Cain or an Abel?

Ike: Umm... Frey? You might not-

Largo: HE'S AN ORANGE!!! STEROOOIIDS!!!

Frey: Hey Largo, how's Ashera's Judgement coming along?

Largo: OHSHI- *Turns to stone*

Joshua: *Jumps in through the ceiling and points at Frey* I challenge you to a-

*Interrupted, as Frey has already stabbed Joshua through the throat. With his co-*

Norne: ENOUGH DICK JOKES! That's the LAST thing we need right now...

Etzel: Babe, the last thing YOU need to be doing right now is to be actin' like a BITCH.

Dactyl: OH SHIT BITCH YOU GOT SERRVED.

Grigas: Yeah homey, 'dat loli bitch got served on a hot PLAYTE.

Larissa: Damn straight!

Etzel: ... Who the hell are you?

Larissa: I'm Larissa homey!

Etzel: Why... do you have a girl's name?

Larissa: MOTHHHHERRRRRRR WHYYYYYYYY!!! *Jumps out of window*

Ymir: God damn, why don't I ever do anything interesting.

Gonzales: Gonzales understand. Gonzales go and make hump-hump with Wendy now.

Ymir: I don't want to stoop THAT low...

Bors: GOOD. *Glares at Ymir for a prolonged amount of time, and continues to stare*

Ymir: .........

Horace: NYNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[Altera the Hun]

Ike: Woah, Joshua, where''ve you been?

Joshua: *Somehow completely recovered from Frey's attack* Well...

*Joshua opens the door to the football field, which reveals a practical ocean of corpses. All of which were participants in the previously mentioned fight.*

Frey: JESUS CHRIST, DID YOU KILL SADAKO!?

Joshua: Yeah. Freddy Kruegar and Samara, too.

Marth: Wait, I though Sadako and Samara-

Joshua: Adaption decay caused them to split into different people. Samara's actually the weaker of the two.

*Etzel walks over and puts an arm around Joshua*

Etzel: Joshua, mah boi, I do believe we should buy you a drink.

Joshua: ...Let me go before your suck rubs off on me.

Etzel: Why-

*Joshua spins around, grabs Etzel by the waist, and German Suplexes him into the Gym floor so hard, it causes the boards to shatter*

Etzel: *Starts foaming from the mouth*

Joshua: I TOLD you to let go.

Frey: Huh, looks like school's out. Off we go!

*Everyone starts leaving the Gym. Joshua and Frey stop by the door before leaving*

Frey: Say, are we forgetting something?

Joshua: Largo? Eh, he'll depetrify in a few hours.

Frey: Ah, right. Off we go then!

*The two leave. about a minute goes by, and then Makalov is heard trying to open the closet door from the inside.*

Makalov: *In the closet* Wh...WHAT!? IT'S LOCKED!

Oliver: *Also in the closet* Well, it seems we're locked in the same room for the weekend. We're gonna have so much fun~

Makalov: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Edited September 30, 2009 by America