Jaybee Posted August 28, 2009 Share Posted August 28, 2009 ...My plan was for boys versus boys and girls versus girls, but wtv. *Elibe vs Magvel* Syrene: Vanessa! Tana! Triangle attack! *The three of them cross the middle line. All of a sudden. a whistle blows* Geitz: Who the hell was that? *Weird arabian guy enters room* *Muarim walks up and faces him down. All of a sudden, Muarim gets crushed. The Arabian guy reveals himself to be Nergal.* Nergal: Matches continue now! Lyn: ...Fuck. Gheb: Lyn, come to the principal's office now. *Kent attempts to control his laughter as Sain gets angry that Lyn would leave.* Sain: I hate Gheb. He sucks ass- Gheb: Sain, come to the principal's office now. *Julian can still be heard screaming in agony.* Lance: They're all screwed. Alan: Yep. *Archanea vss Jugdral* Olwen: Imma show that bastard! *Uses Daim Thunder, misses Merric around 5 times.* *Elice reclasses to Myrmidon, Etzel reclasses into Berserker. Both of them are immediately killed by Ronan.* Ronan: Hey...I actually killed something! *Ronan immediately finds a ball touching his foot.* Ronan: Fuck thi- Gheb: Ronan, to the principal's office now. *Lyn and Hector can be heard. They seemed happy. Julian and Sain could be heard screaming in agony.* Othin: He's screwed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colonel M Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 (edited) Wolf: Alright, so I've called you two here because you're the most badass people in the school. Well, next to me of course. Zagaro: Yeah yeah, we know. I can still pummel your punk ass, but why would I beat up on my bro that can sing and play guitar like he's the devil? Sety: Dude, I don't even wear metal. What gives? Wolf: Holsety? Sety: Oh yeah... Wolf: Anyway, we need a second singer. We got me on lead guitar, Zag is going to play drums, then we have Sety playing the second guitar. You know, because you have epic speed. Sety: Damn straight! Zagaro: What about the synth and bass guitar? Wolf: Got it covered. Sigurd here will be playing the synthesizer since he's ol' skool. Sigurd: Back in Jugdral, I could solo the game on or off my horse! Wolf: As for bass guitar, we got Osw1n the General. Sety: Isn't he kind of old for this kind of stuff? Oswin: You're never too old for rock and roll! Wolf: Right, but we still need the second singer. Unfortunately we will have to have tryouts to find the most badass character that can sing. Or characters, pending on my mood. Sigurd: Which pends on if you get your smokes or not. Wolf: *Lights a cigarrette* ...Shut up. *The next day* Wolf: Welcome the "The Metal" tryouts! I am the si- Sety: Dude, didn't we go over that I don't wear metal? Sigurd: There's still the time paradox to explain anyway... Zagaro: Don't make me go Hero!Zag on your asses! *Sety and Sigurd back into a corner*. Wolf: Anyway... I am the lead singer and lead guitar player. Name's Wolf. My bro Zag here is the drumset player. Sigurd plays the synthesizer. Finally, we have that punk mage Sety who plays the second guitar. Oswin: Don't make me come over there boy! Wolf: Woops. This is Osw1n, our bass guitar player. Oswin: Damn straight! Wolf: Alright, our tryouts are for second singer. Get your vocal cords ready and let's start "Archanea's Got Talent!" *Crowd cheers and claps* Wolf: Our first contestant, Edward! He will be singing a song that he wrote on his own. Edward: ...And then I swing my sword around and around! My sword goes swining around and around... *Makes lightsaber sounds*... SWORE-D! Wolf and co.: ...Pass. Wolf: Our next contestant, Draug and a song that was dedicated to him, I guess. Draug: "And the valley of the Jolly (ho ho ho)... Heard about the Jolly Green Giant (Potatoes)... Sety: Yeah this song is awe- Sigurd *smashes Sety down on the table* ...Shut up. Wolf: Our next contestant(s), Roger, Gatrie, and Sain will be doing a hit single for us! The three: "Baby don't hurt me, baby don't hurt me... no more. What is love?" Zagaro: Didn't I do a hit single with that Roger? With you and Merric nevertheless? Roger: ...Yeah. Zagaro: Were you looking or talking to Shiida the other day? Roger: ...No. *Punches can be heard from the back. Roger screams in pain*. Zagaro: It's cool bro. Just don't look at my woman again. Wolf: Our next contestant... Ardan. The plain knight. Ardan: "I just became a member, of a club known as the bumbling fools. Watching the game and the best things in life is the motto and the rules! ...Baby I got something to show to you, I can show you I can do you right!..." Oswin: The poor man. If only he knew about the w1n. Sigurd: Dude, FE4. Oswin: Right. Wolf: ...Weird. Anyway, we got Harken singing us some Three Days Grace! Harken: "Every time we lie awake after every hit we take. Every feeling that I get but I haven't missed you yet! ...I... hate everything about you!" Wolf: The poor man... Harken: *Sniff*... I sung this for Isadora. I thought... you loved me! *Cuts self*. Wolf: Get that man off stage, NAO! Alright, we have more contestants. Dear God. Anyway, we got Dev... I mean Dan... I mean Man... whatever the fuck his name is! Devdan: "Cuz this thriller! Thriller night! And no ones gonna save you!..." Sety: *Runs in corner*. Sigurd: Oh, right. You're not old enough yet. *Facepalm*. Poor child. Wolf: K, we got one more guy singing for now because we have to give the ladies a chance. Here's Volke! Volke: "I'm the invisible man. I'm the invisible man. Incredible how you can (can can can can) see right through me! *Random garbled sounds and music*." Wolf: You're right... I can't see you. Volke: *Attempts assassination*. *No damage* Wolf: You forgot... I'm invincible! Wolf: Time for the ladies to have a chance! Lucia, if you so please. Lucia: "Try try try to understand... I'm a magic... woooh" Zagaro: ...WTF? Wolf: Okay. Now we have Athena. Oh noes split personality! Athena: "You get the beeest of both worlds!" Oswin: *Facepalm*. Zagaro: This chick is right. Not only do I have Hero!Zag, I got General!Zag too! Wolf: Hmm... we got three more contestants. Thank God. Let's hear what they got to sing! Julian: "Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna turn around and desert you!" Marth: I wish he did... Wolf: Where did you come from? Merric: Eh, we snuck back. Wolf: Alright. Anyway, hows about a little Queen! Lena, Matthis, and Minerva: "Open your eyes... look up to the skies and see!..." Michalis: "Momma... just killed a man. Put a gun against his head, pulled my trigger now he's dead... Momma... oohoohooh (Where's the wind blow), I don't wanna die! Sometimes wish I've never been born at all!" Sety: That... was... brilliant! Sigurd: Screw it. This badass can join us. Michalis is the new man. Oswin: If only his bases didn't suck... Ike and Soren: What about us? Wolf: ...Oh alright. It can't be all that bad. Ike and Soren: "IT'S RAINING MEN! ALLELUIJAH! IT'S RAINING MEN! AMEN!" Everyone: WTF!?! Ike and Soren: ... Edited August 30, 2009 by Colonel M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Altera the Hun Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 Marth: You know, Sigurd, I've been wondering about this for a while... How the hell are you and Sety here? I mean, didn't you die, like fifteen years ago? Sigurd: Well, ya see, it's kind of a long story... Merich: Aw, come on, man! Tell us! Sigurd: All I'm gonna tell you is that it involved Julius's corpse, a couple hundred Loptsu mages, an immortal witch, giant robots, and an angsty British boy from America. Ah, yes, and an orange. Zagaro: *From the Gym* I'M NOT ORANGE! SSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSS!!! Marth: ...What the hell was that about? Merich: Sounded like a stupid character design joke with a lame setup. Seriously, Sigurd, how did this happen? Sigurd: Well... *About a year ago, on the way to Jugdral High...* Celice: Wow, what a great day today, huh, Lakche? Lakche: Sure is, Celice~ *The two proceed to skip along the sidewalk towards the school when a man in a robe with a long white beard steps out from around the corner.* Celice: Huh? Who are you? Man: Why, I'm Sarda, THE WIZARD WHO DID IT! *Flash forward to the present* Sigurd: ...No one really realized what he meant until the entire first generation, which included me, somehow pulled a 17 Again. Complete with a free Pheonix Down, to boot. Marth: Yeah, right. Come on, Merich, let's go. This guy's just gonna keep dicking around. *Marth and Merich walk away, shaking their heads in disbelief. Sigurd sighs and shrugs, then spins around to find a horrified Roy and Eliwood standing before him.* Eliwood: We believe you. We've had to deal with that assjack too. Sigurd: Assjack? The man brought me back to life AND back to my prime, you ungrateful fuck- Gheb: Sigurd, report to the principal's office. And bring some KY Jelly with ya. Sigurd: O.o;; Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dat Nick Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 I support JulianxGheb over JulianxLena any day. That gives me a random fanfic idea... As long as it contains Zag or Merric stealing Julain's girl who he is unworthy of, all good with me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roxas Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 (edited) Tellius vs. Elibe Sothe: *Grabs a ball* Phew. Finally. We get to fucking play! That damn Gheb completely ma-- Gheb: Sothe! Principal's office. Bring some Astroglide with you too, I'm runnin' out. Sothe: I... *slams the ball down* Heather: Che. What a retard, I'm obviously better. :| Nephenee: Heather! Shut the hell up, he's gonna-- Gheb: Heather. Nephennee. Nipple cream. Office. Now. Heather. Edited August 30, 2009 by Roxas Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Altera the Hun Posted August 30, 2009 Author Share Posted August 30, 2009 *Heath suddenly runs up to Eliwood and Hector, panicking like a cheerleader who tested positive for pregnancy.* Heath: Is he following me still? Hector: Is who following you? Heath: You know damn well who! That white-haired perverted jackass... Hector/Eliwood/Everyone else in hearing distance: Legault. Heath: Yeah, that one. He's been following me all afternoon, stalking me... Eliwood: So complain to the principal. *Everyone gives Eliwood a WTF look.* Eliwood: Right, that would likely just guarantee things get worse... Gheb: *Over the PA* Astrid, put down the joint and come to my office. *Seconds later, Astrid walks out of the girls bathroom and sulks right past Heath, Hector, and Eliwood all the way down to the office.* Gheb: Makalov, you too. And bring the cocoa butter. Makalov: But I didn't do anything! Gheb: I know, I just want to keep the sign in sheet in here even. Hector: ...Yeah, it insure that it gets worse. Heath: Well? Help me out, man! Eliwood: Well, I really don't know what could help you except jumping in that open locker there. Heath: Why? Legault: Because I've found you. *Heath, screaming like a little girl, dives into the open locker and slams the door shut behind him. The lock mechanism kicks in, locking him inside.* Legault: Well, that worked out surprisingly well. Now then, about that payment...? *Hector and Eliwood, both grinning, each hand $5 bills over to Legault. Legault looks at the bills and whistles.* Legault: *Putting his arms around Eliwood and Hector* Boys, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship... *The three walk off, leaving Heath in the locker.* Heath: ELIWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! HECTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR! YOU FUCKING TRAITORS!!! Gheb: Heath, when you finally get out of that locker, come down to my office. And bring a strap-on for the lovely lady here. *Astrid can be heard screaming through a gag in horror, while Makalov is... chuckling?* Heath: ...I hate my life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ercdouken Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 *lunch period* Yuno: *Sniff* Why does everyone pick on me *sniff* It's unfucking fair! Gheb: Yuno, the office, now! Yuno: Aww... Zealot: Yuno, I know how you feel, I have the same problem as you. Yuno: Zealot *The two stare at each others in a romantic moment* Gheb: Hey Yuno, I said office now. Yuno: Oops, sorry. Gheb: You too, Zealot. Zealot: What the fuck did I...aw shit! *Few seconds later, while Yuno and Zealot were on their way to the Principal office, they ran into the Ord brothers. Bord: Hey look, it's the worst couples in the school! Cord: And they look like a great...pile of shit! Bord: Yeah, pile of shit! *Both Bord and Cord laughs* Gheb: Bord and Cord, to the Principal's office, NOW! Both: Aw man! Barst: When will they learn? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fei Mao Posted August 30, 2009 Share Posted August 30, 2009 (edited) (might as well try to make another one) (Archtypes and you) Anna: Today we'll have a presentation from Senior Jeigan about archtypes. Jeigan: Hello I'm Jeigan I'm usually the old guy that is only good for some couple of levels before I get benched Oifaye: Salutations I'm Oifaye the man with the manly stache, I'm all rounded and dosen't excel in anything making me good for the whole game. Marcus: I'm Marcus I'm a mix between these two gentlemen and will not excel in anything. (Titania and Seth walks in) Titania So, you started this presentation without us why? I thought we belong in the paladin archtype Marcus, Oifaye, and Jeigan: (Laughs at Titania and Seth) Seth: Gentlemen we shall see who's the better of the paladin archtypes (yeah crap story) Edited August 30, 2009 by Jason W. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colonel M Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 Baaaawwww I want to see more of these. ;_; Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dat Nick Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Only one thing was on Julian's mind the entire walk to the school. No sooner than he had opened the doors and entered, the words "GHEB IS A WUSSY FAT BOY!!!" were yelled. "Julian, principal's office. And bring the vanilla ice cream." Retorted the intercom. Julian wasted no time following the orders he was given. "You have a difficult time learning, don't you, son?" Principal Gheb asked the most frequent visitor of his office as he pulled down his pants. "Yes, Principal, punish me, I've been a VERY bad boy..." Julian moaned in a seductive manner. "Now what's this?" Principal Gheb was confused. His students ENJOYING their punishment was NOT supposed to happen. How was he to deal with this scenario? Before Gheb's massive brain about as massive as his giant tummy could compute what to do next, Julian pressed his face next to the Principal's. "It's your fault, sir...at first I hated it, but as I kept getting sent here more, and more, and more, I couldn't lie to myself anymore! I loved my sessions with you! It got to the point where I HAD to misbehave every day, where I HAD to be punished! I love being punished, Principal Gheb! I love YOU!" Julian pressed his lips against Gheb's as the door opened just a notch. "Oh, by the way..." Julian added. "I bought the Ice cream! I knew you'd want it!" Julian held up a carton of vanilla ice cream as Gheb's smile widened. The door slammed shut and a redheaded girl ran out of the principal's office crying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Only one thing was on Julian's mind the entire walk to the school. No sooner than he had opened the doors and entered, the words "GHEB IS A WUSSY FAT BOY!!!" were yelled. "Julian, principal's office. And bring the vanilla ice cream." Retorted the intercom. Julian wasted no time following the orders he was given. "You have a difficult time learning, don't you, son?" Principal Gheb asked the most frequent visitor of his office as he pulled down his pants. "Yes, Principal, punish me, I've been a VERY bad boy..." Julian moaned in a seductive manner. "Now what's this?" Principal Gheb was confused. His students ENJOYING their punishment was NOT supposed to happen. How was he to deal with this scenario? Before Gheb's massive brain about as massive as his giant tummy could compute what to do next, Julian pressed his face next to the Principal's. "It's your fault, sir...at first I hated it, but as I kept getting sent here more, and more, and more, I couldn't lie to myself anymore! I loved my sessions with you! It got to the point where I HAD to misbehave every day, where I HAD to be punished! I love being punished, Principal Gheb! I love YOU!" Julian pressed his lips against Gheb's as the door opened just a notch. "Oh, by the way..." Julian added. "I bought the Ice cream! I knew you'd want it!" Julian held up a carton of vanilla ice cream as Gheb's smile widened. The door slammed shut and a redheaded girl ran out of the principal's office crying. :o :o :o :o :o BTW, is that girl Lena? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dat Nick Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 of course Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colonel M Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Who else could it be...? ...ANNA!?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 That was what I thought at first, actually. Anna: The tutorial says to hate Gheb! Why don't you like me... I've failed! Bawwwwww!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dat Nick Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 "One, two, three, four!" Zagaro clapped his drumsticks together as Michalis warmed up his vocal chords. On the count of four, the band began to rock out. Julian's getting Gheb'd again hurrah, hurrah Julian's getting Gheb'd again hurrah, hurrah He gets sent there the second he comes in His brain likely resembled the shape of a pin And he'll just never learn to behave WHEN JOHNNY COMES MARCHING HOOOOOOOOOMMMMEEEE "Awesome job guys, awesome job! Bravo!" Wolf applauded the band's amazing ability to turn an otherwise crappy song into a masterpiece. "Well, we know what we're doing, why practice? Let's git outta here and have some fun!" "I, uh, I uh say, that's quite bad because I know from eh eh eh eh eh uh EXPERIENCE that that uh-" Osw1n the bassist was having quite a hard time getting his message across. "What's HIS problem?!" Michalis turned to Zag and asked. "Dude, he's Osw1n. OS-W1n. That's the full name of "Ozzy". You do the math". Zag facepalmed at the new singer's stupid question. "Oh, right..." Michalis himself felt stupid. Now everything made sense. "Ah ah yes as I was saying the the the uh, Oh yes, skipping band practice that uhhhh..." Osw1n kept trying to get the words out. "This is the worst Ozzy impression I've EVER heard." Wolf stated. "Shaddup, it's HARD to do Ozzy speak in text!" BBlade yelled from behind his keyboard. "Uh uh I daresay, an impression? Well I uh uh uh think it's quite difficult for me do to a B B B B BAD Ozzy impression because I I I I I uh just so happen to BE uh uh uh OZZY OSBOURNE!" Osw1n stated from behind the fourth wall. "Ozzy! Your sister just called. She said something about flushing your CDs down the toilet." Wolf dialed the number of Osw1n's sister and chucked the phone to him. Just to get him to shut up. "N N NOW WHATS THIS?! PUT HER ON!!" Wolf chucked the phone to Osw1n. "SHARON!!!!!!" was yelled by the wannabe Ozzy. With the Crazy Train out of the way, focus shifted back to the Jugdral duo. "THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Wolf yelled, noticing what was going on. "Havin fun. Like you said." Sety replied, smoking a joint. "Smokin weed. OLD SKOOL." Sigurd added with the rocker hand signal. "New rule: When I say have fun, it means have fun in a legal way that will NOT get us busted!" "Like, dude, ALL the big bands do drugs. No hash, no cash, y'know?" Sety retorted. "Do drugs. OLD SKOOL." Sigurd added with the rocker hand signal. Wolf sighed, knowing he wouldn't win this. "Okay, but if Principal Gheb digs this up, it's ALL on you two." "Like, yeah man. Bro code, y'now? Nitch the snitch." Sety said, not caring anymore. "Nitchin snitchin. OLD SKOOL." Sigurd added with the rocker hand signal. "K then. Football practice. Gotta keep my trophy." Zag started off from the area while Osw1n was arguing with his sister on the phone. "Dude, like, not cool. The team earned that trophy, it's THEIR trophy, y'know?" Sety spoke up, stamping out his joint. "Like, all the team members worked hard to get that, not just you." "What other team members?" Zag asked. "Dude, WAY uncool." Sety shouted, rolling up his sleeves. "Sety, you realize he's the only member on his team, right? Literally. No joke." Michalis stated, getting over his shame of not making the obvious Ozzy connection. "..Oh. Sorry, dude. Should keep my mouth shut on matters I don't know jack about, y'know?" Sety rolled his sleeves back down and stepped away from Zag. "Keeping my mouth shut on matters I don't know jack about. OLD SKOOL." Sigurd added with the rocker hand signal. "Dude, that's starting to get annoying." Sety said with an irritated tone. "It's his only character trait. Let him abuse it." Zag said as he left. "Abusing my only character trait. OLD SKOOL." Sigurd added with the rocker hand signal as he was poppeed over the head with Osw1n's bass guitar. "You guys ROOOOOOOOCKED! <3" Zag was tackleglomped by Shiida as soon as he left the room. "Yeah yeah, get off me, you'll get your fun later. Right now I-" The lovebirds were interrupted by a redheaded girl running past them, crying. "Hey hey, easy, what's the pro-Lena?" "I HATE JULIAN!!" She yelled at the top of her lungs, looking straight into Zag's face. "HE'S CHEATING ON ME WITH P...p...P...PRINCIPAL GHEB!" She collapsed crying into Zag's chest. "Dumped for Gheb. Ouch." Shiida had to feel pity for the girl. "Shiida, I heard that. Report to the principal's office right now. And bring the chocolate syrup. OH GOOOD, JULIAAAANNNN!!" Boomed over the intercom. Lena only cried harder at the Principal's last statement while Zag clenched a fist. Shiida skulked as she began to walk over to the office when... "OBJECTION!" Was yelled at the top of Zag's lungs. "The witness will not be going ANYWHERE, your honor! And this evidence proves it!" Zag pointed his index finger in the general direction of the Principal's office. "What eviden-NYAH! ZAGARO!!! Cancel that. Shiida will NOT report to the Principal's office. Catria, you will instead. And bring DOUBLE the chocolate syrup!" The intercom boomed back. There was an awkward silence when Lena finally spoke up. "Zag..." she started. "Yes?" "Will you be my boyfriend? I want to crush Julian for what he did for me, and...what better way than dating the coolest guy in school, right?" Lena tackleglomped him and looked up with puppy dog eyes. "Please?" As much as Zag would have LOVED to accept, partially because Julian was a punk and Zag took great pleasure in hearing him being publicly ridiculed by Gheb on a daily basis and that he always had a bit of a crush on Lena, he was a bit more faithful than his current girlfriend. Zag played with her hair as he gave her the news. Best to do it soft. "Uh...listen hon. You know I've always had a thing for you, and I really meant that. But see, the thing is, now I'm taken, and my girlfriend-" "Wouldn't mind." Shiida spoke up, grinning a giant grin. "Wha-" If Zag was capable of juvenile acts such as defecating in his shorts, he probably would have done so. "Mormon." She smiled, bearing a cross. "Same." Said Lena, bearing the same one. Oh damn. I just scored BIG TIME. Of course, when do I NOT? Zag grinned to himself. "Alright girls, after football I get to go home, since I'll be making millions from my Music and Football careers so graduating is useless, and even if I DIDN'T have permission, nobody has the nads to argue with me anyway. Since I get to do anything I want, after football I'll sneak you two out of school, we'll break into Julian's house, and have a NICE SURPRISE waiting for him, kay?" The girls lit up, both at the idea of skipping school AND getting back at Julian. "Don't waste ALL your energy, hon! You'll need it!~" Shiida called out as Zagaro left for football. Zag whipped on his "0 SEDGAR" jersey and stepped out into the field against a whole team of fully equipped players. He didn't like putting all that other crap on, it always turned out to be more trouble than what it was worth. "3...2...1...HIKE!" Zag took the ball. All of the team members jumped on him at once, and yet Zag shoved every single one away as if they were flies, as he dashed to the goalpost. One desperate player got up and tried to jump him, but Zag shook him off with a shove and the player fell, his head connecting to the ground. The whistle blew. "I think you broke his fucking neck!" The referee yelled. "We think you broke his fucking neck!" The rest of the team yelled. "I think he broke his fucking neck!" The coach yelled. "I think I broke his fucking neck!" Zag yelled. "Sorry guys. Accident, honest." "Well let's see he- Oh it's just Bord. Screw that asshole." Cord kicked over his useless brother's lifeless body and spit on him. "Zag, I don't know HOW you did it, but somehow you just proved yourself to be even more awesome than you already were. Go home. Have fun for the day, you've earned it." "Oh, I PLAN to..." Zag grinned as he left the field. COMING SOON: Part 3. Sweet, sweet revenge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lux Aeterna Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 How the hell are you and Sety here? Actually, Sety never died. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Altera the Hun Posted September 2, 2009 Author Share Posted September 2, 2009 How the hell are you and Sety here? Actually, Sety never died. Time Paradox joke. They're asking how they can be in the same place at the same age at once, when they normally would have, like, a 20-year age difference. Another Legault skit coming soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dat Nick Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 (edited) "Hey, dude!" Wolf whipped out from the corner just as Zag was about to return to his ladyfriends. "Not now pal, I'm gonna get me some lovin. At Julian's house." Zag started to push Wolf out of the way. "You're banging him, too?!" Wolf was shocked at what he thought the statement meant. "Har har. No, funnyman. Myself and his ex-girlfriend are going to get it on with my girlfriend there so he can break down like the emo bitch he is in Gheb's arms. Now unless this is THAT important-" "Oh, it IS!" Wolf said grinning ear to ear, dragging Zagaro into the drama club. In 1972, a crack commando unit was sent to prison by a military court for a crime they didn't commit. These men promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire... The Z-Team. STARRING ZAGARO SEDGAR AS JOHN "HANNIBAL" SMITH WOLF AS TEMPLETON "THE FACEMAN" PECK MERRIC AS "CAPTAIN H.M MURDOCK" BARST AS "B.A. BARACUS" ..."Okay, that's Emmy material. Make that THREE ridiculously high paying jobs I have. I am SO decking out my pad!" Zag gave the script a kiss before leaving. "We start filming tomorrow, kay guys? Awesome!" And Zag left, preparing to royally piss off Julian with his little incident in mind. He wasn't sure which was going to be more awesome: The look on Julian's face or the pilot episode of the Z-Team. Edited September 2, 2009 by Joker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dat Nick Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 (edited) Zagaro exited the school with a giant grin on his face as he stumbled across his girlfriends. "Sorry girls! Wolf dragged me into the drama club to study this new TV show we're doing." "You're gonna be on TV?!" Shiida bursted out in excitement. "What's it about?! When's it going to be on?!" "We're remaking the A-Team." Two fangirl shrieks. "Oh my god, best remake EVER!" Lena was so overjoyed she tackleglomped Zag together with Shiida. "Alright then, let's give sissy thief a view he'll never forget, eh?" Zag laughed as he held the door of his car open for his women and drove out of the parking lot. Just as a young man with a life preserver and an old man in a lab coat walked up to the parking lot. "DOC! I TOLD you not to park the De Lorean right next to the car that looked JUST like it!" Yelled the young man in the life preserver. "Great scott! There's been a break-in! Marty, if this machine falls into the wrong hands, the whole universe could be wiped clean by just the slightest disruption of the space time continuum!" The old man began to spaz out. "Doc, YOU were the one who left the keys in the lock! NOW how are we going to get back to 1985?!" Before the Doc could open his mouth to say "I dunno, lol", the writer decided it would be more interesting to shift back to Zag. "So...why do you leave the keys in the lock, anyway?" Shiida asked. "Oh, that? Get this. That's a special lock. Fingerprint-activated. If ANYBODY but me tries to open that door, a gun pops out of the door and shoots them! I'd tell the sissy about this if the fact he's banging Gheb wasn't so damned hilarious!" All three laughed as the car accelerated. "This is an exact replica of the De Lorean, isn't it?" Shiida asked. "Yep. Right down to the flux capacitor! Cost a load, but worth every penny! Especially considering it didn't put a dent in my massive...checking account, anyway!" "Does it time travel if you go to 88 mph?" asked Shiida. "Of course not!" Zag laughed. "Watch!" Zag hit the gas. "Shouldn't you wait to do that?!" Both girls asked at the same time. "What's the worst that's going to happen, a cop is going to TRY and pull me over?!" All three laughed, but it turned into a shriek when only white lines and a purple swirl became visible through the windshield. "WHAT THE HELL?! It never did that before!" Zag was, for the second time in his life, surprised. Not necessarily in a good or bad way. Much tension was around before the trio finally found themselves outside the parking lot of the Maury Povich show. "Where are we...2109?! No flying cars or...aw, lame!" Despite being upset with the lack of technology, might as well enjoy the future while it's there. "C'mon. Let's see if Maury Povich sucks less a hundred years from now." Long story short, the threesome were SOMEHOW able to sneak past a bunch of security guards and cameras unnoticed. Why? Because Zag's a pimp. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, it's the Maury Povich show! And here's your host, Maury Povich's head in a jar!" 2109 had been used to seeing Maury Povich's head in a jar float onstage. Zag, Shiida, and Lena were not. Thus, three sets of laughter which were blocked out by everybody else, the people next to them included thanks to Zag's epic Mindfreak powerz, went unnoticed. "Hello, ladies and gentlemen!" Good lord, watching the head in a jar TALK was even funnier than it floating around. Thus, more laughter had to be blocked out. "Today, we have a very special guest, the universe's biggest pimp, Zagaro!" Every single person in the house was on their feet cheering as the future Zagaro walked onstage. It was clear that Zagaro was even immune to AGING, as he looked exactly the same as he did 100 years ago. "Wow. I'm AWESOME." Past Zag just HAD to state the obvious. Hell, he knew he was awesome already, but being immortal was even COOLER. "Hello Zag, nice to have you on our show." The head in a jar greeted the future Zag. "It's nice to be here, Maury." The future Zag was happy to be here. WHY was beyond past Zag's comprehension, but what the hell, let's see how it plays out. "Straight to business, an old man named Deussal claiming to be your son has come forward. We've run paternal tests and have determined that you ARE the father, but what we don't know is who the mother is. We were hoping you'd be able to shed some light on the subject." Wait, wait wait wait wait. "Duessal is Zagaro's great uncle!" An audience member called out. "Smash is wrong, he hasn't played FEDS!" BBlade yelled back. The heckler sat down and scoffed. "Nope, no idea. I've slept with every single bangable female on the planet, can't narrow the search down any. Well, I guess you could cross out all the ugly chicks..." The whole audience laughed. Probably because they feared castration if they didn't laugh at a joke Zagaro made. ALL THE HOT CHICKS IN THE WORLD?! Hot damn I love my life. "Lucky for us, and for you, your son does know. Duessel, come out." Zag's son received a round of applause. Because ah pity da foo that pisses off future Zag by not applauding his son. "Tall, strong, and sexy. Yep, definitely my kid." Past Zag was loving the show. Shiida and Lena started drooling. "You're definitely my kid! You have epic stats, I can just tell. Proud of ya, son." Zag clapped Duessal on a back. The audience aww'd. "Hi dad. Listen, mom's not immortal like you, so she's dead now, but I'm sure you want to know who she is anyway." The Grado veteran said. "Sure, why not? I wanna know who produced this awesome offspring. Go on, son." Before Duessal could say his mother's name... WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR A COMMERCIAL BREAK! Edited September 4, 2009 by Joker Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 I hope the mom is Amelia. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colonel M Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 (edited) And in continuation of the thing... but first! Rickard: Hi, I'm your host Rickard Mays and today I'm going to offer you something that's crazier than sex? Julian: That's... impossible! Gheb: Get back in here! *Much noise can be heard in the background*. Rickard: ...Okay, that was weird. Anyway, while my boss is being loved in the back of the set, allow me to introduce you to... "TENTACLE GRAPE! The Hentai Lover's Favorite Beverage!" I swear to Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints this shit is delicious! Not only that, it can make you more epic than regular people. What, you need me to explain this? Certainly. Today we have our guest speaker, Mr. Thomas. Thomas: Hi, my name is Thomas. Before, I was the biggest failure in life. Rickard: So, what happened Thomas? Thomas: Well, I decided it was time to man up. I've never heard of electrolytes in my entire life, but somehow I became so epic I skyrocketed to High tier status. And suddenly... I won at everything. Even with waving my hand I was winning. Rickard: Interesting shit right there. Thank you Thomas. Thomas: *Shoots Haar down with an Iron Bow*. No problem Rickard. Rickard: So what exactly is in this can of epic? Well, it's got ELECTROLYTES! What are electrolytes? I dunno, but they're EXTREMELY AWESOME! Hell, it even helps PLANTS GROW! Rickard: And that's not all! Each bottle of this delicious carbonated grape drink is crafted with care... and a slight feeling of breathless anticipation. As Tentacle Grape slides smoothly down your throat you'll feel refreshed and full. *Drinks*. God I love this stuff. Rickard: What's even more arsome about this bottle of the shiz? It's AVAILABLE RIGHT NOW! But it's not available in stores, so you'll have to order from our rather epic phonelines. Now then, let's hear the testamonials from these people: Roger: It helped me score! Jake: Somehow I scored more women. I can't believe this stuff exists! Gatrie: I remember the time that one chick was smart enough to steal my money. Then I was phazing out and having visions of her while I dressed a tree with skirts. With Tentacle Grape, I don't need to worry about either no more! I can finally get some action without worrying about getting slivers!" Sain: I FINALLY GOT LYN BEFORE KENT GOT A CHANCE! Shiida: Frankly, I find this product to be sexist, disgusting and cheap. Now where did I put my credit card... Zagaro: Tentacle Grape is everything I love about hentai, but with a sweet grapey taste that makes it seem like everything's going to be okay. Rickard: Now you know! Even the great Zagaro drinks this stuff! So remember; Tentacle Grape is now available via mail... so WATCH OUT! You gonna get GRAPED! Announcer: Call right now! If you call in the next 15 minutes, we'll even throw in some of our famous recipes including the all-new JAPANESE SCHOOLGIRL! Then, for the more cunning type we have HORNY SPACE MONSTER! But they're only available if you call in the next 15 minutes! *After commercial break* Est: Ugh, why isn't this working on me? I've drank more than 3 cases of this stuff and I'm still in my own tier! Wendy: Look on the bright side; at least you're usable no matter what! Nino: Oh shut up girls! We all know that I have the most potential, but still this stuff does nothing to my uber 50% Mag growth backed by my 60% Spd growth! Rickard: ...I just realized my own sales pitch doesn't work on me! Amelia: Yeah, well I can promote to anyone that I want to be! Ewan: I can summon shit. If only this stuff gave me 20 levels... Meg: Not only am I on a crappy team, I can't become anything decent! Astrid: I'm promoted, and after drinking this stuff for a year now, it hasn't changed a thing. Well, I got a slight boost in PoR, but in RD it all crashed. *Sigh*. Lyre: Stupid gauge. Lorenz: Hold still now. I can't hit a moving target! This eye patch is supposed to help my depth vision. Sheema: I got the epic growths... just not... the potential. *Drinks*. I wish to be in Zag's pants. Roshe: Yeah... I just suck. In general. 3 games, baby! Karla: Well, guess we're always decent fillers. Right Karel? Karel: It's times like this I wish I was crazy again. Arran: At least you're all salvagable. Look at me, I still suck after drinking this stuff for 3 years. Everyone: WHAAAAAT!?! Arran: It's the AIDs I tell you... Est: Oh sweetie... there's still our child. She has hopes, right Juuno? Juuno: *Gets pinched*. *Cries loudly*. --- *"We now return to our pre-paid show".* Dolph: Hello everyone and this is Dr. Dolph! As you all are aware of, I've teamed up with my good friend Maury to figure out who is Duessel's real mother! Of course in order to do this we had to cancel Oprah in a jar's show that talked about her weight loss programs that never work. Oh, and the retarded book club that no one reads. Oprah: I heard that! Dolph: Whatever. Anyway, Maury, what is your suspicious thoughts on the child's issue? Maury: Well, as we've just found out Duessel's father is still alive! How that's possible? This is Zagaro we're talking about. The question still remains: who is the mother? Duessel: It's haunted me my entire life. Ever since I was a child I never knew who my parents were. All I know was that I was put into an orphanage at a very young age. I still remember those days... *Flashback: YEARS ago* Duessel: Hi, my name is Duessel! But you all can call me Mr. D. Ray: 'Sup Mr. D? Lugh: New person? I made cookies! Chad: ...Thanks to the ingredients that I stole. Dozla: Gwahahahaha! Welcome to our little brigade! Haar: *Snooze*. ...*Throws axe at Dozla*. Dozla: *BAAAAAAAWWWWW!* Marty: ...Uh... who are you? Gonzales: I Gonzales. You? Marty: Here we go again. Julian: You know Chad, you can give ME some credit! Mishalen: "Dundunduuunnnn...." BIG MAC! "I need a double cheesburger and hold the le-" Duessel: It's good to meet you all. Hope that you can become as epic as me! *Flashback to the future... present* Duessel: Unfortunately a lot of the people in our orphanage weren't very good. Only three of us stood out: Gonzales, Haar, and I. We each took different paths in order to find our true calling. Dolph: Yours was in the Grado army if I'm not mistaken? Duessel: Correct. Except I had different plans and decided to join Ephraim's cause. During the war though... *War. Castle. Ephraim route*. Selena: Oh, I hope the emperor doesn't want to see us anytime soon. Duessel: Don't worry, m'dear. Say, you're looking rather... speculating today. Selena: You're such a sweetheart Duessel. And such a... aggressive man. Duessel: They don't call me Mr. D for nothing, you know. Selena: Mmm... but I wonder what that "D" stands for. Mind if I find out... in bed!?! Duessel: For you sugar, you're mine for the night. (While action is being done) Selena: I'm your sister. Duessel: YOU'RE MY SISTER!!! *Present-ish* Dolph and Maury: WHAAAA-? Duessel: Don't worry, she was just kidding. Both: Thank heavens. Duessel: I changed sides, found out Selena was still alive (and hawt) later down the line, and killed Lyon. Dolph: And here you are today telling us your story. How did you find out about Zagaro being your father? Duessel: Well you see, it was after helping a young loli known as Amelia find her mother again. Of course, the mother was a crazy lunatic, but she knew about some of my past. She also knew a whole lot, like how Haar was my cousin and about... my mother's ways. Maury: So tell us Duessel. Do you have any ideas who your mother is? Duessel: Unfortunately no I don't. Like daddy Zag said, he slept with every hot woman in the entire world. The only ones that are narrowed down are either the ones that aren't ugly or the ones that don't suck. Dorothy: *Cries in the audience*. Mary: ...Well, we know it isn't her. Now Zagaro, you suspected that she was dead, am I not mistaken? Zagaro: I've lived too much of an epic life to care. No offense, son. Duessel: So that's where I got my ignorance from... Maury: Well folks, today we're in for a shocker. We've just recieved inside information from sources that the mother... is still alive. Everyone: WHAT!?! Maury: That's right. In fact, she's sitting back stage waiting to meet Mr. Zagaro and her pwnson Duessel. Everyone please welcome... ...TITANIA! *Titania walks up to the stage, looks at Zagaro eye to eye*. Maury: So Titania, it looks like you haven't aged a bit either. Titania: I'm a MILF. I have to look pretty. Every time, every day. Maury: So, this is supposesdly your son. Duessel: ...Momma? Titania: Yes, this is my son. Unfortunately Zagaro and I were supposed to be wed, though he had a different idea. Zagaro: I'm too epic to marry! Titania: I've heard you known about cousin Haar. Well, you won't believe this either but... he's your stepbrother. Duessel: WHAAA-? Titania: That's right. As Mr. Z has said, he's slept with literally EVERY HOT WOMAN in the world. Miledy was of course Haar's mother, but he only found out months ago. Duessel: So my entire life... was a lie? Zagaro: Looks like it kid. *Haar and Miledy enter the stage*. Miledy: Don't worry Duessel. Aunty / Stepmother Miledy will help take care of you, sweetums! Haar: So, we're not only cousins but also half-brothers. Well, want to go toss an axe while sleeping? Duessel: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! *Backstage* Zagaro: Man, I was an awesome pimp. And I made awesome babies! Shiida: You're such a manslut but I still love you! Lena: Me too! Zagaro: Shi-, almost forgot. We have to "surprise" Julian. Lena and Shiida: Mmmhmm... *All three return to the present. Meanwhile, on the stage*. Duessel: S-S-Selena? What are you doing here!?! Selena: Oh, you didn't know about our daughter Olwen? Duessel: ...I'm... speechless... Dolph: Poor soul... Well folks, another day is done. Tune in for tommorrow's episode: The Mac's Succession. How he overcame poverty and hatred to become a famous rapper AND juggled lightweight boxing championship as well. Edited September 4, 2009 by Colonel M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaybee Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 ULTRA W1N. That's better than Osw1n, FE10 Haar and FE10 Reyson combined. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colonel M Posted September 4, 2009 Share Posted September 4, 2009 Oh yeah, next fanfic: Big Mac and school. ...In our present of course. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Candlejack Posted September 5, 2009 Share Posted September 5, 2009 *Bus drives up to the school* Frey: *Steps out* Ah, school again. That's what I love about high school, I get older, the girls stay the same age, yes they do, yes they do... Athena: *Steps out from behind Frey* Ugh, creep. Ve are only here on an exchange program and ve get stuck on the bus with the creep-meister here... Horace: *Steps out of the bus behind Norne* It can't be worse. I just hope Nyna is here; I just want to see her again. Wait, where's Ymir? Norne: *Leans out window and looks to the back of the bus* I think he's trapped between seats due to his humongous sack lunch. Ymir: *Inside bus* HELP ME!!! Athena: Good lord, men... this vun voman cannot deal with zis idiocy... *Walks towards the school entrance* Frey: Hold on, Athena. Let me escort you- I know a couple of friends here. I wonder how Abel and Cain are doing... bastards outed me in Gra County to fry... Norne: That's because you were making illegal "Manaketes Gone Wild" videos on the internet, you sick son of a bitch! Ymir: ...Please? Anyone? ...RAAAAAGE! YMIR SMASH! *Breaks bus seat and flies out the bus window unharmed* Horace: Nyna... *Sulkily walks towards the school* Nagi: *Walks off bus* Wait... school? I don't remember applying again... Maybe it was a mistake. I'll just speak with the principal and everything will be fine. Horace: Oh... h-hi Nagi. Nagi: Hello Horace. How was your trip? Horace: It was fine. You, uh... you look n-nice today. Nagi: Thank you! Why can't most men be gentlemen like you, Horace? Ymir: *Gets up off of ground* I wonder if they have a wrestling team here... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Altera the Hun Posted September 5, 2009 Author Share Posted September 5, 2009 *Later, in the principal's office... You know what, screw it. We already know what's happened to poor Nagi.* *Meanwhile, in the cafeteria...* Marth: For the last time, Legault, I am a MAN! Legault: So? You still look like that Section 9 chick. Marth: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFLOSER! Abel: Nice cover, man. You're still gonna wind up bending over by the end of the lunch period. *Suddenly, Freyr and Athena walk into the cafeteria. Cain and Abel spot Freyr and dive under the counter immediately.* Merrich: What's you guy's problem? Abel: Orange-kun is back! Freyr: *Instinctively* I'M NOT ORANGE! ABEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL!!! Marth: Looks like you guys really screwed him up. What did you do? Cain: Yeah, you see, it involved an orange, a mamkute, an empty vulnerary bottle, duct tape, and pink hair dye. Abel: And it wasn't exactly legal, either... Legault: ...Mamkute buggery? Cain: No, you sick, demented albino jackass! *Legault cackles* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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