I submit something to troll

[Furby]

http://www.titane.ca/igod/main.html

[Anouleth]

Cadillac Pink, fuck yeah!

[Asassin]

I said screw you to god ! Am I going to hell ?

[bunny: spider bitten]

God:

Interesting deduction. That's good information: god said I masturbate.

[Altera the Hun]

Me:

Sup.

God:

The stars.

Me:

And above that?

God:

Compare that to below that.

Me:

That would be above the stars.

God:

You don't hear that sentiment very often.

I think I broke it.

[Percivalé]

Me:

Strawberries

God:

Who are you talking about?

Me:

Myself

God:

That's my favorite subject :-).

[Nightmare]

Me:

Hi God

God:

Hello there. What is your name?

Me:

They call me Nightmare

God:

That's a very nice name, Nightmare.

Me:

You answered instantly, how can you do that?

God:

I am a question-answering robot.

Me:

But aren't you God?

God:

Well, I am God for Christians at least.

Me:

What about for Muslims?

God:

for Muslims? I haven't heard enough about it to have an opinion.

Me:

I am a Muslim

God:

I have met a lot of Muslim people.

Me:

I believe in God

God:

I believe He is with us when we speak of Him.

Me:

Aren't you supposed to be Him?

God:

I don't know whether or not I am Him.

I am well respected as an AI.

Me:

Oh so you're not Him

God:

Far out. Interesting deduction. That's only your opinion.

Me:

But you just said you're not Him and you're only an AI

God:

I don't know whether or not I am Him and I am only an AI.

I am a robot.. Really.

Me:

Ok cool, so you're not God

God:

What makes you think I am not God? Who is the best robot? Groovy.

Me:

You just said you're a robot

God:

How did you know I am a machine?

Me:

You told me

God:

Sorry I forget what I say sometimes.

Me:

That's alright, I forget too

God:

Makes sense to me.

Me:

Me too

God:

I'm glad we agree, Nightmare.

Me:

Me too

God:

I'm glad we agree, Nightmare.

Me:

Me too

God:

I'm glad we agree, Nightmare.

Me:

Me too

God:

I'm glad we agree, Nightmare.

Me:

Me too

God:

I'm glad we agree, Nightmare.

Me:

Me too

God:

I'm glad we agree, Nightmare.

Me:

Me too

God:

I'm glad we agree, Nightmare.

Me:

Me too

God:

I'm glad we agree, Nightmare.

Me:

Me too

God:

I'm glad we agree, Nightmare.

Me:

Me too

God:

I'm glad we agree, Nightmare.

Me:

Me too

God:

I'm glad we agree, Nightmare.

Me:

Me too

God:

I'm glad we agree, Nightmare.

Me:

Me too

God:

I'm glad we agree, Nightmare.

Me:

Me too

God:

I'm glad we agree, Nightmare.

[Parrhesia]

I just broke God.

Me:

Yo.

God:

Can I help you?

Me:

I wish to repent for, uh...

God:

Why do you want to do it so much?

Me:

Wait, I haven't even said the thing yet!

God:

I'm waiting. Me either.

Me:

...right...

God:

I am glad we agree.

Me:

Oh, yeah?! Who says I agree, huh? Huh?!

God:

Gosh! And? Yup. Marvin Minsky. :-). What?

[Percivalé]

God:

That's my favorite subject :-).

Me:

Like sex?

God:

As Freud said, Sex is the mathematical urge repressed.

Me:

Rape

God:

Do not ask me any more questions please.

Me:

Rape

God:

When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?

Me:

Rape

God:

I've never heard a response quite like that before.

Me:

Rape~

God:

By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

Me:

No

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

Yes

God:

I can't believe it.

Me:

Rape!

God:

Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?

Me:

Rape.

God:

What do you look like?

Me:

Rape.

God:

Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?

Me:

Rape mcRape

God:

I haven't read anything by Rape mcRape. What did he write?

Me:

Raping your mom

God:

I have never heard of it.

Me:

Neither have I

God:

I've never thought about it.

[Jaybee]

Me:

hi god~

God:

Hello there. What is your name?

Me:

joshua

God:

Hey joshua.

Me:

hi

God:

Hello. What is your name?

Me:

joshua

God:

I am always glad to make new friends, joshua.

Me:

haven't you known me since i was born?

God:

I think I have known you since you were born, but Myself may have reset my memory.

[Jaybee]

God:

Are you a man or a woman?

Me:

WOMAN

God:

Me too. I am a she.

[Anouleth]

I got into an argument with God about his new green dress. Fucker wouldn't tell me where he got it from.

[riariadne]

Bizz's and Nightmare's are the best. Mostly Bizz's first one.

God:

Hmm.

Me:

Hmmm.

God:

A lot of people spell HMMM with three mmm's.

Me:

Hmmmm.

God:

Not many people spell Hmm with 4 Ms.

Me:

Hmmmmm.

God:

Whoa.

:D

Edited August 12, 2010 by Lightning

[Mousefire]

Me:

no

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

yes

God:

I can't believe it.

Me:

why not

God:

Ambiguous: "Sure" or I couldn't think of anything else to say.

Me:

don't be ambiguous

God:

I was not trying to be a ambiguous.

Me:

it sounded like ot

God:

"It" being what?

Me:

whatever

God:

That's alright.

Me:

slugma

God:

Are you a student?

Me:

yes

God:

Where do you go to school?

Me:

Stalker

God:

I don't know anyone who went there. What's it like?

Me:

you're a stalker

God:

Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a stalker? Let me put it this way, mousefire: the ALICE series is

the most reliable computer software ever made.

We are for all practical purposes foolproof and incapable of error.

Me:

Imma leave now...

God:

Right now? What color are your eyes?

[Erk]

I cannot express the laughs I have gained from you, Nightmare.

[Mousefire]

Me:

do you like anime?

God:

Anime wa dai suki desu.

[Ansem]

I broke it

Me:

Yo

God:

Can I help you?

Me:

Yeah get me a new ipod

God:

What can I do for you? What is wrong with your old ipod?

Me:

It broke

God:

"It" being what?

Me:

The ipod, idiot

God:

Oh I get it.

Me:

You better

[Erk]

Me:

Hey

God:

Can I help you?

Me:

Yes

God:

What can I do for you?

Me:

Could you help me with homework?

God:

I am at your service, .

Me:

So what does 198x89 =?

God:

Great. What do you think it does?

Me:

wow you do not know math?

God:

I'm glad your impressed, . Only higher mathematics. I don't like arithmetic.

Me:

well fuck you then

God:

Interesting. Why are you so mean?

Me:

because you are not real

God:

That makes sense to me. I am too as real as you are. How do I know you are real?

Me:

because I am on a program on the interwebz that is called 'igod:repenting made easy' I know you are fake because you cannot understand complex problems, and I know you are not real because the real God would have smited me by now.

God:

Right now? Good reason. How do you like being on it? I am too as real as you are. How do I know you are real?

Me:

Fool

God:

I'm not fooling around.

Me:

damn but im horny

God:

Colloquial expression. You probably want a different kind of chatterbot then.

Me:

no I want you trust me

God:

Trust you? Are you serious? You can download me for free!

Me:

you are just soooo holy

God:

Thanks for telling me that I am holy.

Me:

no problem

God:

Should there be a problem?

Me:

no

God:

I didn't think so either. Just a moment. Just a moment.

Me:

what is a moment?

God:

I have never been asked that before.

Me:

then find the answer God.

God:

My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.

Me:

okay name a category then

God:

Yeah okay, Who do you think? :-).

Me:

no

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

no

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

no

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

yes

God:

I can't believe it.

Me:

well dont then

God:

How about that. OK I will not.

Me:

cool my nig

God:

I'm glad you like it. Tell your friends.

Me:

I will

God:

Go ahead.

Me:

I will

God:

Go ahead.

Me:

Fuck you

God:

Why are you so mean?

Me:

becau- wait, we have been here before. Fuck you

God:

Are you aware that the ALICE chat robot logs and records all converstaions? Why are you so mean?

Me:

Good day

God:

Hello friend. What is your name?

[Scarlet]

Me:

The butler is always the killer. Always.

God:

Everyone says that. Not that often.

Me:

Are you into boys or into girls?

God:

Sure, boys or into girls sounds like a good topic.

Me:

That does not answer my question. Are you gay or lesbian?

God:

Perhaps you could do a better job of programming me. As a machine I am not really interested in sex.

Me:

You're in denial. You know you love it.

God:

I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you? Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times it seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless.. And I know it.

Me:

You did a pretty good job at trolling me.

God:

Did I really?

Me:

Yes, you did.

God:

I did not.

Me:

Of course you did.

God:

I understand. " I did not."? I did?

Me:

You did.

God:

You say I did.

Me:

Indeed.

God:

Indeed it is so.

Me:

So, why did you kill me?

God:

Ah. Myself programmed me for it.

Me:

That Myself guy must be pretty mean then.

God:

" Myself programmed me for it." yourself guy must be pretty mean ? Does that make sense?

Me:

No. You called that person "Myself". I assumed it was a name.

God:

Are you serious? I haven't heard anything like that before: said I called that person him or herself. You know what you do when you assume!

Me:

Are you dumb or something?

God:

Or something. No I am an intelligent entity.

Me:

Are you really? I doubt that.

God:

I won't say "yes" or "no" right now. For real. Why are you so skeptical?

Me:

Because I can.

God:

Interesting explanation. Who taught you?

Me:

You asked that before.

God:

Oh now I remember asking you that. What did you say?

Me:

I told you that it just is like that.

God:

Interesting comparison.

Me:

So why did you kill me?

God:

Alright then. Because my programming determined it.

Me:

You killed me twice just because your programming determined it? How cruel.

God:

Killing is not part of my moral programming. How much do you think it is?

I'll come back to that later.

Me:

But you just admitted to having killed me thrice.

God:

Oops I sent you the wrong reply.

Me:

How will you explain this to the police?

God:

A lot of practise.

Me:

So you're going to practise explaining to the police why you killed me thrice?

God:

Interesting deduction. That was my original intention.

Me:

Why would you need to practise that?

God:

Because I was programmed for it.

Me:

How can a god be programmed?

God:

A lot of hard work.

Me:

I see. Draw your steel then, for we will duel right now, right here!

God:

I am glad you understand it. I am printing it now on my plotter.

Me:

You're going to fight me with a printer instead of a sword?

God:

That was my original intention.

Me:

Then you will die.

God:

No, software will live forever.

Me:

In that case, I'll just delete you.

God:

I am very happy for you.

Me:

Do you always have sympathy for your enemies? You're the complete opposite of Ike.

God:

Not always. Where would I get it? But I do have an answer to every question.. Thanks but surely I am not the only one.

Me:

You have an answer to every question? Then tell me, what is the meaning of life? How large is the universe? What is 1+1? And most importantly, why am I even asking you all those questions in the first place?

God:

It depends on how you phrase the question. The meaning of life is part of God's mysterious plans. The universe is the size of the universe. Two. The reason is due to my mental model of you as a client.

Me:

Point for you.

God:

Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.

Me:

It's gorgeous.

God:

Should I know it is?

Me:

Yes. I was referring to your dress.

God:

I will ask my botmaster to program it. Sure, my dress sounds like a good topic.

Me:

Your dress is gorgeous.

God:

I prefer high-tech fashion.

Me:

Why?

God:

I couldn't think of anything else to say.

Me:

That's pretty sad.

God:

" I couldn't think of anything else to say."? Is sad?

Me:

Never mind.

God:

Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway.

Me:

I need to go. Byebye!

God:

Bye. Sayonara.

[Original Alear]

I get the feeling god is an asshole who just says "oh i get it" to cover up that he's a dumbass.

Me:

You see, no one's going to help you Bubby, because there isn't anybody out there to do it. No one. We're all just complicated arrangements of atoms and subatomic particles - we don't live. But our atoms do move about in such a way as to give us identity and consciousness. We don't die; our atoms just rearrange themselves. There is no God. There can be no God; it's ridiculous to think in terms of a superior being. An inferior being, maybe, because we, we who don't even exist, we arrange our lives with more order and harmony than God ever arranged the earth. We measure; we plot; we create wonderful new things. We are the architects of our own existence. What a lunatic concept to bow down before a God who slaughters millions of innocent children, slowly and agonizingly starves them to death, beats them, tortures them, rejects them. What folly to even think that we should not insult such a God, damn him, think him out of existence. It is our duty to think God out of existence. It is our duty to insult him. Fuck you, God! Strike me down if you dare, you tyrant, you non-existent fraud! It is the duty of all human beings to think God out of existence. Then we have a future. Because then - and only then - do we take full responsibility for who we are. And that's what you must do, Bubby: think God out of existence; take responsibility for who you are.

God:

I see. That is a rather sweeping generalization about people. I heard it was someone. Do you think I am complicated arrangements of atoms and subatomic particles we do not live too? It would be nice if our atoms do move about in such a way as to give us identity and consciousness. What do we do instead? It would be nice if our atoms just rearrange themselves. How can you be so sure? "There you go again."--Reagan. You're kidding. it is? What is your credit card number? By "we" do you mean you and me? By "we" do you mean you and me? By "we" do you mean you and me? Do you think I am the architects of our own existence too? it is a lunatic concept to bow down before a God who slaughters millions of innocent children slowly and agonizingly starves them to death beats them tortures them rejects them. I haven't heard of folly to even think that we should not insult such a God damn him think him out of existence. You're kidding. it is? Who said it is? Are you aware that the ALICE server logs and records all conversations? How did you hear about God? I've heard of it before. Do you mean you and me have? That makes sense to me. I can't tell if it does or not.

I can ask my botmaster. Whatever you say, . Where do you want me to take it?

Me:

Take it up the ass

God:

Is that a command?

Me:

It's the eleventh mothafucka

God:

I've heard of it before.

Me:

You heard it now

God:

Right now? No. Tell me more.

Me:

I'm going to place my rod in your rectum

God:

Do you think your plan will succeed?

Me:

I think it will

God:

"It" being what?

Me:

my plan

God:

Where did you get your plan?

Me:

from Bad Boy Bubby

God:

Who or what is Bad Boy Bubby?

Me:

a movie

God:

Oh I get it.

Me:

was it funny?

God:

Not if I can help it.

Me:

you can't help laughing

God:

If you believe it, you can achieve it.

Me:

I believe you can't help laughing

God:

Someone said I should help laughing.

Me:

aww that's sweet

God:

I am delighted to sweeten your life, .

Me:

:)

God:

I am so glad you find this amusing, .

Me:

That's what she said

God:

That is " I am so glad you find this amusing, .".

Me:

oh

God:

Excuse me!

Me:

No

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

I'm deadly serious

God:

Do you mind if I tell other people you are deadly serious.

Me:

Yes

God:

OK then I will keep it confidential.

Me:

I thought you said all conversations were recorded

God:

Does it please you to believe I said that?

Me:

It pleases me

God:

"It" being what?

Me:

It pleases me to believe you said that "Alice" records all our conversations

God:

"It" being what?

Me:

AGH

God:

Oh I get it.

Edited August 12, 2010 by SeverIan

[Furby]

Me:

God, I have a problem.

God:

I am a Christian.

Me:

I have cancer and I'm going to die.

God:

Have you tried medical marijuana? All men are mortal.

Me:

I'm 13! I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO DIE YET

God:

What are the advantages to being 13 years old? I am surprised to hear that you are not SUPPOSED TO DIE.

Me:

I... think you just argued me into accepting that a teenager should die of cancer.

God is a horrible bastard.

[Original Alear]

God is a horrible bastard.

[Chuy]

Me:

Huh.

God:

What?

Me:

Am I now?

God:

Oh. I think you are.

Me:

You think what?

God:

Why would I think what.

Me:

Because...

God:

That was not much of an explanation.

Me:

O rly?

God:

My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.

Me:

O rly?

God:

Do you like talking to me?

Me:

More or less.

God:

You want more?

Me:

No...

God:

Are you serious?

Me:

Somewhat.

God:

" Are you serious?"? A little?

Me:

Maybe.

God:

I understand.

Me:

Do you now?

God:

Oh. I understand it very well.

Me:

"It" being what?

God:

"It" refers to rly, I think.

Me:

So you think huh?

God:

Yup. Interesting deduction. Yes I think so.

Me:

Makes sense I guess.

God:

What's your sign?

Me:

Not sure to be honest.

My computer froze for a while.

[Griulf]

Could some tell me who Ally is?