FE8: Monstrously Random Reclass

[Terrador]

I think I actually laughed when Ross' stats were revealed.

Also, hey, someone else reads Erfworld.

I know, right? I laughed aloud; that shit is hilarious.

Also, you shouldn't have given the name away. We coulda made non-readers guess futilely! Except I totally want to plug that comic, which is ninety kinds of amazing.

[cyron]

.

>Corellion

That's a kind offer, but I think I'll decline. Going at this run semi-blind will cause me to blunder more (thus making the game funnier), and I'd have to manually promote the monsters anyway unless you're pretty freakin' amazing at Nightmrae. But thank you anyway!

how would someone making the patch for you make it less blind?

I think its possible to make them be able to promote i would just need to make an item that would promote them(or edit an item to do so) set them to have a promotion and give promotion gains

[Terrador]

how would someone making the patch for you make it less blind?

I think its possible to make them be able to promote i would just need to make an item that would promote them(or edit an item to do so) set them to have a promotion and give promotion gains

I'd have to roll everything up and give you the bases/promos/etc.

[cyron]

I'd have to roll everything up and give you the bases/promos/etc.

true

[Emperor Hardin]

I thought bandits already had a promotion.

I wanna see if any character starts as a cyclops. Those monsters have good stat caps.

[Terrador]

I thought bandits already had a promotion.

I wanna see if any character starts as a cyclops. Those monsters have good stat caps.

It's not their caps I'm worried about; it's their bases. They terrify me. Defense as high as a General's, HP that will easily reach 60, not-half-bad Speed bolstered by tremendous Con, solid Str... they scary. VERY scary. I barred the unpromoted version, because that's just ridiculous. They're just barely not broken promoted... I think.

[MacLovin]

It's not their caps I'm worried about; it's their bases. They terrify me. Defense as high as a General's, HP that will easily reach 60, not-half-bad Speed bolstered by tremendous Con, solid Str... they scary. VERY scary. I barred the unpromoted version, because that's just ridiculous. They're just barely not broken promoted... I think.

inb4 L'Arachel turns out to be one.

[Terrador]

Can't happen; L'Arachel arrives unpromoted.

I'm hoping I get Cyclops!Orson, if only for the epic lolz.

[Raven]

Please update more often, I find this run highly amusing. I should give such a run a try myself one day.

[Gone2Ground]

Cleric L'Arachel

- Same thing minus horse, therefore worse.

If this happens I will laugh for, like, a minute.

[Momentai~]

Gargoyle L'Arachel! Or maybe revenant L'Arachel. Oh I do hope she ends up as a monster <3

[Terrador]

Raven: I plan on doing so.

Momentai: That happened last run.

One Dracoshield, one Talisman, one Boots. She godmoded.

E: A fun tidbit: Both Dozla and Rennac were Paladins, funny enough. And Rennac was better than Franz: comparable Str/Spe and ridiculous Def. Then again, Franz was really screwed... but even so, dayum.

Edited January 19, 2013 by Terrador

[Terrador]

Chapter Three: Our Team is Shady as Fuck

All right, let's do this thing. I do a little bit of shopping in Ide to make sure everyone is properly equipped, and then off we go!

Is that what they're calling it these days...?

Or is it this? I really don't know any more... these kids have ten thousand names for it.

Seth promptly killed them. After all, such squealers might reveal their location!

"But Seth... wouldn't the knowledge that we're coming to reinforce Ephraim bolster the country's morale and possibly save my brother's life...?"

"...wait, you saw that?"

fffffffffffff-

But after one too many stupid requests from a random peasant, Seth put a stop to that. They'll die out eventually.

Damn skippy, we are! My name is Erina. We're escorting Brother Franz and this Mogall down to Grado for further research, so we're busy. Go the fuck away.

Don't want your sob story, woman. How 'bout I tell Anna to give you some sword rank so you can cut yourself, hrm?

...dammit, we got roped into this, didn't we. And... the Thief and Archers must be pretty hung if they're to obey this command~

Good God... she's a Bael.

The woman is a motherfucking Bael.

We failed to notice this. What.

And even worse: she's shit!

...screw it, we already have an eyeball. THIS WILL START MAKING SENSE AT SOME POINT, I PRAY.

Sending Spidergirl to the staircase. Because that shit's gonna be hilarious when a bandit comes out and sees a six-foot-tall spider... right?

At any rate, Eyeball and Girlyman bust down a wall, clearing the way for...

Ide's own resident Thief! Should be at home here, hehehe.

Now, who else was I going to feed that kill to? Honestly?

Good ol' tight, safe formation... with no Enemy Phase to speak of. Woo?

But she's Spiderman! Why would you leave everything to her?

Woo, another crappy mage. I'm going to use this guy.

TOMES FOR THE TOME BITCH

If it ain't broke...

Growths are for children and law-abiding, self-respecting members of society. At least this bad level is on someone who operates effectively at base...

This kill brought to you by Seth support!

I feel good about this. Yes, very good.

"What, you won't even take me to dinner first?"

You see, it's funny because I compared sticking an axe into someone to rape earlier, and because Seth cares so little about being 7HKOed at 43% displayed by one attack per EP. And I'm terrible about explaining jokes.

I see a Goddess Icon in your future...

But it didn't crit. 10/10.

Moulder can't seem to pull a ~11.5% proc. Eh, doesn't matter too much; he'll be wasted in the next phase. Probably by THE BOSS!!

That said, THE BOSS's father ain't doin' too shabby tonight either. If his Str wants to cooperate, I definitely think he'll be among the men stealing Donkey Kong's soul.

Wait, we weren't supposed to know about that yet? Oh, well. The existence of monsters already got totally lolspoiled.

MUST FEED KILLS

THIS C-SETH SUPPORT IS PROVING REALLY USEFUL

I. Fucking. Hate. You.

SO TEMPTED TO START RIGGING LEVELS

BUT WON'T, FOR HILARITY

ROSS

SPEARING ARCHERS SINCE HALFWAY THROUGH LAST MAP

...why don't you field this one, big man.

EYEBALL WILL TANK THIS BANDIT. ABSOLUTELY.

Spidergirl is going to do what her class does best: tank ALL THE THINGS. Except she's fukken terrible at it, but whatever.

Do you see that face? Err, eye? That is the eye of FEAR.

So... hand axes frighten Eyeball...

SETH. COME INTIMIDATE THIS BASTARD FOR ME.

She softens up that Bandit for Moulder to come in and blick.

She has only 12 Con... to his 12. I don't understand how this works at all. Surely a spider of that size assuming it breathes via dark magic, because her existence rapes the square-cube law would weigh at least half a ton.

Eh, screw it, moving on.

The BOULDER finishes this bandit... and WE HAVE A GOOD LEVEL, MENTLEGEN

HALT THE PRESSES

SOMEONE PROCCED MAG AND SPE IN THE SAME BLOODY LEVEL

Well, it's no hat, but it certainly helps ROSS slaughter HORDES OF ENEMIES.

Knowing my luck...

...not bad.

I honestly don't know whether to be pleased because this level is actually rather good (DEFENSE!), or displeased because the stat he most wants for is neglected.

All this Def... can't wait for promotion. Minimum of 14 Def... unf~

DO YOU SEE THIS? THIS IS FEAR.

EYEBALLIAM, YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED. SETH WILL ERASE YOU FROM THIS PLANET WHEN YOUR USEFULNESS HAS EXPIRED. ON THAT DAY, I WILL SIT BACK... AND LAUGH. LAUGH AT THE DEATH OF SUCH A BLIGHT ON OUR WORLD.

You know, the spider is just as much of a menace. What's your angle? Does the eye's particularly nonsensical nature anger you? Do you desire a scapegoat?

Or are you just sexist?

YOU'RE NEXT, IMAGINATION. It will be slow, and you will wish I used lube.

...I don't need to say what the implications of what Seth is doing to Gilliam are.

APSDJFAIOS;FHG;ASLDKJGPAFDJGA;LKSDFJAOSDFJG;;AFJDGKDFHGAKJFG;JHCVKMNLRIGUAI;JDVJGAEFPHT

...that just...

Damn, Gilliam. Not a fan of anyone carrying Pure Water, are you?

I shit you not; the guy had a Water in his inventory.

Rescuechains are most definitely fun.

Can you say, "Go-To Swordie-Slayer"? And the cherrytap, too.

Not bad for a trannie trainee.

...still in awe.

Eirika has been fed a kill... and I just got a mental image of Eirika feeding from Ross' teat.

You really are fucked up, man.

>implying this is the half of it

Hehehehehehehehehehehehe~

Pic related.

Looks like I've capped too many images. Check back next post for the thrilling conclusion!

Edited January 19, 2013 by Terrador

[Terrador]

...but before that, an unarmed mage provokes a giant spider.

The fuck is wrong with these people?

Thrones... why does it have to be thrones?

...everything...

Went about as well as could be expected.

I like supports and Lance rank. Sue me.

...Ross' Def is so damn high that Bazba would rather let himself be killed than face a 28% hit rate.

AI so good.

Intelligent? I agree. That was dumb.

He died as he lived.

All is forgiven.

And, as the map ends... BISHIE PRIEST gets a pretty baller level.

"Yeah, you can cancel that appointment with Dr. Shin. The symptoms aren't showing anymore."

"Are you sure? This map is pretty ea--"

"I DON'T NEED NO FUKKEN DOCTOR."

*CLACK*

Someone is self-conscious about his lack of skill, isn't he?

Shut up, Nappa. Hamstard? Imagination? I don't even know who's talking to me anymore.

Ahahahahahahahaha! That is the funniest thing I have read in a month.

This, right after sidling close and telling her to "look at this"...

Coupled with Neimi's bedroom eyes...

I think we can confirm Colm for MAGICAL MANWHORE.

By the Siegmund, they're going at it again! Hide the children!

He isn't even enjoying it...

Yes, you are under arrest, for manwhoring in the blood of your enemies. Pervy bastard.

Spidergirl knows that he gets what's coming to him...

A question from the floor.

Speak, indistinguishable voice from the Other Place.

Don't female spiders impale their partners when they mate...?

...this presents incredibly disturbing imagery. And, according to a back-of-the-envelope calculation, Neimi 2HKOs him. However, we can guess a million things: that he used a Vulnerary, that Neimi is intelligent enough not to impale her prostitute... or, y'know, that Colm just might not be dumb enough to get near two-foot-long fangs.

Maybe.

The jokes tell themselves.

No way! A six-foot-tall demon spider won't attract any attention, fear, anger, or violence!

Just like Seth isn't broken!

We cut to Grado Keep, where we learn what Dame Selena was doing near Ide.

She was playing D&D, don'tcha know?

And I missed the screencap, but Caellach mentioned that "[selena,] you're a fine lookin' lass, aren't you? Yeah, I'm gonna love workin' with you."

...what. Okay, let's analyze what's wrong with this.

ONE: You're disrespecting one of the Emperor's most trusted stewards in front of the big man himself.

TWO: She may very well be capable of killing you singlehandedly.

THREE: You can pull rank and/or your physical might to have any other woman in the Grado army. Why her?

And that's all I can think of off the top of my head, so that closes this chapter!

That'd be all for the moment, folks, but I plan on gracing you with

Chapter 4: Blights and Men

later tonight, events permitting! See you all soon!

E: Obviously, that didn't pan out, but I plan on doing it tonight. Also, please hit me with any and all opinions, questions, comments, and concerns!

Edited January 20, 2013 by Terrador

[Momentai~]

Momentai: That happened last run.

One Dracoshield, one Talisman, one Boots. She godmoded.

This pleases me.

Yes, all of these things please me greatly.

reading that back to myself it sound kinda sick and disturbing

perfect!

Edited January 20, 2013 by Momentai~

[Warg]

I'm really enjoying this, just keep going!

[Gone2Ground]

This is The Best Thing

[Terrador]

This pleases me.

Yes, all of these things please me greatly.

reading that back to myself it sound kinda sick and disturbing

perfect!

I hope you're not too optimistic about Colm and Neimi, because one is getting an immediate bench and the other isn't exactly getting lavished with care.

E: Warg, G2G: If you like it, give your opinions! What would you like to see in the future? Let me know, so this can be even more entertaining, WOO!

Also, fun fact: I am planning on Nidhogg!Seth, assuming I get a viable axe-wielder sometime soon. SHOULD BE FUN 10/10

Edited January 20, 2013 by Terrador

[Terrador]

My apologies on the update being so late; I had to do it two and a half times, which made things veeeery frustrating for me.

Chapter 4: Blights and Men

After writing this update twice already, I’d be glad to be done with it.

Welp… let’s do this.

But even if you do make it across the border without incident… tell me, how are you going to take Renvall with that measly band?

It’s been done with measlier troupes a thousand times.

SHADDAP, OUT-OF-CHARACTER KNOWLEDGE!

Oh, what, like having an eagle-eye view of everyone’s statistics and carried items isn’t ridiculous?

…that’s a very good point. Why is this game incapable of functioning properly without [Lord/Tactician] and player knowledge segregation? Seems like a rather egregious oversight to me…

I dunno. All I know is that Eirika doesn’t want to look. Dem monsters, man. They scary.

Cutting him some slack about “never seeing them before”, since he’s 12 for 15 on not seeing this buggers before.

CHARGE!! Wait… that Bonewalker is awful close to our troops! Let’s take him out first!

…oh. He’s one of ours. And… rather lackluster, to boot. Good Player Phase, sure… but at what cost? AT WHAT COST?!

Test run, woo! Let’s test his mettle… does he have it in him to slay one of his brethren?

LET’S FIND OUT!

…one cold sumbitch. All right, you’re in.

…unfortunately, he can’t live both of those Mogall, so METH has to rescue him. One point against you, SKELETON.

Let’s chip this bugger. And, of course, by “chip”, I mean “rip off his left arm and pectoral”. But whatever.

Who else would I feed this kill to?

Apocalypse not spreading. Because this is zombie virus, right? That’s how this is working?

Woohoo, infighting! Let’s do this! Because Eyeball clearly won’t betray is now… right?

Guys? Why are you hiding? What’s the big probl—… I’m going to duck now.

…stop the presses! THWOMPBALL came through!

A BOULDER and… an eyeball made of stone, or some such. TEAM ROCK TAKES DOWN A BONE

ROCK > BONE

THIS IS GOING IN MY MENTAL LIST OF TYPE MATCHUPS. FOR FUTURE REFERENCE.

WOO, SUPPORTS

Also, Spider vs Zombie! Taking all bets!

…if this is a zombie apocalypse… I have no bloody idea what this means.

I do, however, know what this means. It means a dead zombie!

Unless, of course, the last ones were only killed because fire or holy magic purged them from existence…

>monsters swarming the forest

>one of them entering a village

THIS IS GOING TO END WELL FOR EYEBALL.

Are you intentionally sending him on a suicide mission…?

Of course not! He’ll live… until Waterside Renvall~

“Must… research… while I still can!!”

Oh, God, no, NOT THE PUPIL!!

…huh. She’s actually not half-bad. Unfortunately, she’s incapable of eating both of these Bonewalkers in one EP… so she flees somewhere that puts her out of 2RKO range.

THIS HOLY SHIELD WILL PROTECT ME FROM MONSTERS

MEANWHILE, SETH AND ARTUR ARE SCARED OF EYES. WHAT IS UP WITH THEM AND INTIMIDATING ERRYONE.

AAAAH SPIDER REIN—wait, no, that’s one of ours. We need some… blue paint, or something. Can’t tell when they gray out.

“Ohh, the agony! The searing pain! I’m not sure I can go on!”

…it’s one HP. You’re to take ten times that this phase. Deal with it.

“Wait, what?!”

Don’t be…

*shades*

Such a girl.

…really, now. I thought you had HIT.

How’s that 9.56% miss chance doin’ for you?

SHADDAP HAMSTARD!

And how do you know that’s Hamstard…?

He’s the one crunching numbers. I think.

The second one… was a bit luckier than his cousin. BUT WE PLANNED FOR THESE EVENTUALITIES. WE PLANNED.

No, you didn’t.

SHUT UP, WHICHEVER VOICE YOU ARE!!

…bloody pansy. TANK IT LIKE A MAAAAAN.

Oh, what, so you’ll take that one LIKE A MAAAAAAAAAN, but you can’t one-shot an EYEBALL?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE MANLY

DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY

MONSTER HEADS!!

And, of course, by “drop” I meant “cross the bridge”.

In just a few minutes, the next post shall be available!

ROSS WILL CROSS THIS BRIDGE!

[Fateborn]

Ruining the beauty of chain post since today.

[charlie_]

Ruining the beauty of chain post since today.

What was the point of this?

[Terrador]

Part TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOo

…I only just noticed this…

How does L’Arachel, someone presumably unfamiliar with this corner of Renais, know that Eirika and company are travelers? HOW? HOOOOOOOOOOOOW?

Magic.

THAT’S LIKE ASKING WHO KILLED SOMEBODY AND GETTING A RESPONSE OF “A MAN”. GET WITH THE PROGRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!!

“This Erina and her gang of monsters must be vanquished! Dozla! Rennac! We ride!”

“How do you know that name…?”

“Aye, be silent, Rennac! No use gabbin’ when there be monsters tae hunt!”

I. Hate. All of you.

Curses! The blight lives!

Do you really think that anybody will be fooled by a ruse so silly as that…?

Of course I don’t. BUT THAT DOES NOT MEAN I CAN MAKE A JOKE ABOUT IT.

SHUT UP, ME

YOU NEVER HAVE GOOD IDEAS

What about the pack—

ESPECIALLY NOT THAT ONE!!

VEGETA! What does the scouter say about his overkill percentage?

Wait… for the whole combat, or just the one hit?

Whole combat.

IT’S OVER THREE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAND!!

This could not go poorly.

Not at all.

KILL IT WITH FIRE

BURN THIS BLIGHT UPON OUR WORLD!!

DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE!!

Whoa, dude… pissed much?

Really depends on how the next few level-ups go. Could go either way.

STILL NOT SURE HOW THIS WORKS

THIS DOESN’T LOOK LIKE LIGHTNING

KILL IT WITH HOLY LIGHT, OR SOMETHING. BUT THIS IS NOT LIGHTNING.

Eyeball runs away. And, of course, by “runs away” I mean “from Lute, who will use him for RESEARCH.”

Woo, intimidating the eldritch abomination!

…not sure whether to blame Shin or SB. At least Ross HAS Res, now.

Fucking bulletproof. Good ol’ Ross. THE BOSS!!

Okay, Spidergirl has not yet learned the meaning of “dodge”. That’s okay, though, because zombies have NO ATK and Spidergirl has BOOLK.

>throttling through

>notice crit

>FFFFFFFFFFFF-

>don’t know how to rewind

At any rate… dayum, Spidergirl, you angry much?

You’re next, you know.

I’m as incorporeal to her as you are. Unless she has +1 Ghost Touch Rotten Claws, I’m good.

…really? This is seriously getting a bit ridiculous, SPIDERGIRL.

…so is this. Where are the low RNs when you really, really need them?

Oh, Shin, SB… I ain’t even mad. BENCH is waiting for you, Spidergirl; and if you perform well while you’re here, I’ll even give you a nice damp corner for you to ambush civilians in~

Why the being nice to Spidergirl?

I’m not going to mess with someone who can crit on command, ever.

Let there be PAIN! Because GARCIA is MANLY even as THIEF and can TANK that HIT and WHY am I TYPING with CAPS for RANDOM WORDS?

This… and one miss on each of the Bonewalkers that attacked him. Really, Garcia? This is what you’re going to do to me?

I was wrong about your manliness. Your son is cooler than you will ever be.

YOU SEE THIS, GARCIA

SOMEONE ELSE CAN FOLLOW THROUGH

EVEN THOUGH THIS LEVEL ISN’T REALLY ALL THAT GREAT, IT LEAST IT HAS A USEFUL STAT.

THE TIDES! THEY TURN!!

Artur can actually be useful for something!

How can skeletons carry weapons…?

Everything wrong with this series… and this is your problem?

Get out.

Bu—

GET OUT!!

If you banish me now… I will return more annoying than you could ever imagine.

Arrows. Ribcages. I have a feeling I mentioned this.

And how are these things crittable, anyhow?

WE’RE NOT PLAYING “HOW WE JUSTIFY FE MECHANICS” TODAY. JUST POKING FUN.

This, my friend, is THE BOULDER. He is manlier than anybody you know.

Yes, even Seth.

*shot*

YOU STILL EXIST BECAUSE GARCIA CANNOT HIT TWO 85s.

FOR FUCK’S SAAAAAAAAAAKE.

EYEBALL, GO THEE FORTH AND CHIP

Speed on Gilliam. Defense on EYEBALL. Yeah… not weird at all.

This… was a miss. Truth be told, I wasn’t even sure that zombies COULD dodge.

>level anyway

>get shit level

IF MY BETTER HALF DID NOT JUST SHOW UP, I WOULD BE FLIPPING TABLES.

Honey badger Ross don’t care! He gon’ PIKE AN EYEBALL. THE ONLY EYEBALL ON THIS MAP HE CAN ONE-SHOT, FOR SOME QUEER REASON.

No prizes for guessing who cleaned up what (a boring process, this).

AND NOW, BOSSFIGHT! HI-HO!!

And, after three thrilling rounds of combat (in which Ross got infected… NO!!), Ross wins! And gets… a very interesting level-up. This is going to be the. Weirdest. Ross. Invincible, but certainly weird.

…yup. Except, y’know…

A floating eyeball…

A giant spider…

A skeletal archer (standing right in front of you!!)

And our zombie transsexual. Yeah. No monsters here!

Because if rarer demons exist, clearly the most common source isn’t swarming Magvel!

…right? Guys?

He’s closing his eyes and laughing… he is no mere mortal.

And neither is Ross.

Lute confirmed for sexy gay war goddess.

Between you and Ross, you could take down the rest of this game. Alone.

GARCIA HIDE YO’ KID

COLM HIDE YO’ WIFE

L’ARACHEL GON’ GET ALL UP IN YO BEEZWAX-UH!!

“Seth! Get the lube~”

“SETH! GET BACK HERE! WE NEED MORE LUBE!!”

I guess she gets the RAEP tendencies from Seth.

…eh, I dunno, she might’ve picked up a couple of tricks from Colm, too.

>dem bedroom eyes

>initiated the second round

I don’t think sooooooooo~

Flashback

“Sex first, ask questions later.”

“Yes, sir, Mr. Seth, Sir!”

I’ll get you again eventually~

And that will be all for now! However, I do have, for your viewing pleasure, spoilers on Chapter 5.

Natasha the Mage!

Joshua the Eirika Lord!

[Momentai~]

Where is Colm?

I demand you dump Garcia for him! Now that Lute is here, having two thieves on the map is an eyesore.

An A support between Colm and Neimi is also necessary. I want magic casting spider babies damn it!

Mark my words, Gilliam will suffer if you do not obey!

Also

That is one ridiculously bulky Eirika. Well, I think. Four defense and five resistance procs by level 10. She's bulky for Eirika's standards.

Edited January 23, 2013 by Momentai~

[Terrador]

Where is Colm?

I demand you dump Garcia for him! Now that Lute is here, having two thieves on the map is an eyesore.

An A support between Colm and Neimi is also necessary. I want magic casting spider babies damn it!

Mark my words, Gilliam will suffer if you do not obey!

Also

That is one ridiculously bulky Eirika. Well, I think. Four defense and five resistance procs by level 10. She's bulky for Eirika's standards.

Colm is on LE BENCH. And there will be no Spider x Fala babbeez.

And what will happen to EYEBALL if I disobey...?

[kirbymastah]

This looks way too fun... Is there a way I can do my own playthrough of random reclassing?