shadowofchaos Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 http://the-official-princess-club.tumblr.com/post/85056609622/the-princess-club-episode-80 The last part of this made me chuckle and reminded me of this thread. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Laufeyson Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 Jenna Marbles has something to say about the subject. And she is not wrong in the least. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moira Posted May 7, 2014 Share Posted May 7, 2014 You don't inherently deserve any type of relationship just because you're nice anyways. It doesn't only apply to a romantic relationship, but to friendships as well. Relationships are not based solely on how nice you are to each other. There's so many other factors that can cause people to not want to have a relationship with you. I try to act in a way that's nice and respectful to most people, but I don't expect everyone to be asking me out/trying to be my friend. Likewise, there are nice people I know that I don't want to talk to for various reasons. Not even bad reasons, but we don't share common ground and if we talk we go nowhere. Also, why do so many people seem to think that because they have seen girls go for the "bad guy" once or twice, that is proof that that's what a majority of women do? To be honest after twenty years of living I'd hav to say that nice guys getting friendzoned is mostly true. Example, the first girl I ever liked never gave me the time of day no matter how nice I was to her or whatever. She ended up dating a basketball player for about a week before he tossed her aside. The second time around with a different girl I was less nice and teased her like crazy. We dated for about a year until we both went off to college. Moral of the story is that nice guys don't always get friendzoned but it is extremely rare. And saying that girls like "confident guys who aren't doormats" is also quite the generalization. A lot of girls like nice guys. A lot of girls like bad guys. The thing is, there's a lot of girls with a lot of different preferences. There aren't many types of guys that not a lot of women don't like. (or at least go to for relationships) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Junkhead Posted May 9, 2014 Author Share Posted May 9, 2014 Jenna Marbles has something to say about the subject. And she is not wrong in the least. I saw that video quite before making this one thread. 8D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyWalk Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 Also, why do so many people seem to think that because they have seen girls go for the "bad guy" once or twice, that is proof that that's what a majority of women do? Confirmation bias Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BANRYU Posted May 9, 2014 Share Posted May 9, 2014 Jenna Marbles has something to say about the subject. And she is not wrong in the least. You don't inherently deserve any type of relationship just because you're nice anyways. It doesn't only apply to a romantic relationship, but to friendships as well. Relationships are not based solely on how nice you are to each other. There's so many other factors that can cause people to not want to have a relationship with you. I try to act in a way that's nice and respectful to most people, but I don't expect everyone to be asking me out/trying to be my friend. Likewise, there are nice people I know that I don't want to talk to for various reasons. Not even bad reasons, but we don't share common ground and if we talk we go nowhere. Also, why do so many people seem to think that because they have seen girls go for the "bad guy" once or twice, that is proof that that's what a majority of women do? And saying that girls like "confident guys who aren't doormats" is also quite the generalization. A lot of girls like nice guys. A lot of girls like bad guys. The thing is, there's a lot of girls with a lot of different preferences. There aren't many types of guys that not a lot of women don't like. (or at least go to for relationships) so much truth I can't even handle all this truth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BEST TRYNDAMERE PLAYER Posted May 17, 2014 Share Posted May 17, 2014 oh boy this shit again. i didn't read through much of the thread but all i'm gonna say is that the friendzone is a figment of imagination that people use to make themselves feel better because they couldn't get their crush. it's not real. and the whole nice guy argument? hah. if you're overly nice you're gonna start being boring as fuck to a girl. girls like some backbone. those "assholes"? 9 out of 10 times they're kidding about the shit they say and the girl knows it too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LunaSaint Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 Hiya, let me introduce myself as the 'nice guy' - the doormat, the boring guy, the insecure fellow. Not necessarily the reddit-esque creeper, though I did almost slip down that route at one point. I grew up in an environment that plugged selflessness and care for others, and I sucked it alll in. I became so focused on doing others a kindness, that I neglected myself to the point that I don't have much of one. I seldom form strong opinions about much of anything, and prefer to hear others' - I'm utterly incapable of arguing or debating as a result, because I instinctively try to understand/accept what is being reasoned against me. This kind of mild mannered, don't-want-to-get-in-the-way attitude became a huge impediment in life in general, and led me down all kinds of bad routes. In this sense, nice guys really do finish last; they're lacking the assertion and force of will to actually announce what they want, let alone try to get it. (NB This is not a 'woe is me' post; I am getting a lot better, and it's gotten easier for me to see what I did wrong in the past) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haku Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 Hiya, let me introduce myself as the 'nice guy' - the doormat, the boring guy, the insecure fellow. Not necessarily the reddit-esque creeper, though I did almost slip down that route at one point. I grew up in an environment that plugged selflessness and care for others, and I sucked it alll in. I became so focused on doing others a kindness, that I neglected myself to the point that I don't have much of one. I seldom form strong opinions about much of anything, and prefer to hear others' - I'm utterly incapable of arguing or debating as a result, because I instinctively try to understand/accept what is being reasoned against me. This kind of mild mannered, don't-want-to-get-in-the-way attitude became a huge impediment in life in general, and led me down all kinds of bad routes. In this sense, nice guys really do finish last; they're lacking the assertion and force of will to actually announce what they want, let alone try to get it. (NB This is not a 'woe is me' post; I am getting a lot better, and it's gotten easier for me to see what I did wrong in the past) Stop putting yourself down god dammit Luna As for me, I've only ever had one relationship, but I recently had a really bad crush which I had to get over because she was moving away forever :/ I can't say I've ever friendzoned or been friendzoned to be honest, I'm quite a shy person aha *shrugs* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deleted35362 Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 i never really experienced anything like this because somehow despite being oblivious to a lot of a things, i noticed that there are already too many attractive people in the world already and a relationship is based on mutual feeling. considering my "predicament", though...i'm probably the very worst person to speak up about anything related to romantic relationships or anything. i will say though, i think it's pretty fucking gross how people in this topic are demonizing anyone with the friendzone mentality because there are people out there who just don't understand that a relationship is a mutual connection. people who really do adore many things about another person and like them for who they really are, but of course that one sided admiration isn't enough for a relationship...they just aren't what their interest is looking for i guess. then the person might blame themselves, and their own personal traits like...shyness and kindness? i think it's easy for a boy to jump to that conclusion, thanks to the standards of society...and if a girl was rejected and began to question why it happened, i don't think "i was too nice" would be the first thought as often. but again, i'm a bad source...i agree with luna, though. absolutely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tryhard Posted May 20, 2014 Share Posted May 20, 2014 (edited) i will say though, i think it's pretty fucking gross how people in this topic are demonizing anyone with the friendzone mentality because there are people out there who just don't understand that a relationship is a mutual connection. people who really do adore many things about another person and like them for who they really are, but of course that one sided admiration isn't enough for a relationship...they just aren't what their interest is looking for i guess. then the person might blame themselves, and their own personal traits like...shyness and kindness? i think it's easy for a boy to jump to that conclusion, thanks to the standards of society...and if a girl was rejected and began to question why it happened, i don't think "i was too nice" would be the first thought as often. I think people have went over several times the difference with The Nice Guy â„¢ and someone who is genuinely shy/kind. See eclipse's and other's posts. People who become bitter because of their perceived entitlement is what the "friendzone" and such are now associated with. And yes, I have met some people like that. They aren't pleasant. Though, it may be the unfortunate case that a lack of assertion be (generally) seen as an unattractive character trait, and that probably is unfair. But if they are a genuinely nice person, they wouldn't stomp their feet and declare other people were the problem. Edited May 20, 2014 by Tryhard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshine Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 (edited) I've seen guys who were the "Nice guy". One of my classmates in Art Class got really mad because a girl he liked told him no cause she said he was a really close friend and she didn't want to risk that. I don't understand the problem with that? To be honest, I'd much rather be a friend. In fact, It gives me someone that I can actually talk to in a fun, witty, bantering manner. I can still be modestly flirtatious, such as light compliments and joking. I can still be myself. Here's an example from my own short life. I have a friend, and the two of us know a girl, our friend, that he likes. Through one thing or another, my friend developed a crush on the girl. She developed feelings for him too so it worked out. However, I cannot help but notice that there's a different level of trust between me and her and the level of trust between her and him. She and I talk about a lot of things. We share laughs, jokes, and we're not afraid to do things together as just friends. We can tell each other anything. In comparison, the male friend is a complete wreck. He frets about what to say in situations that were daily routine weeks before. He comes to me, fretting for advice, and now he tries to hide anything that may make him look bad from her. He's trying to look like the perfect guy. (At one point, he tried kissing her when I was telling her something hilarious about him. It was even funnier cause it looked like he was trying to EAT her.) Being a friend in this situation felt more enjoyable than what I perceived being the boyfriend would be like. I mean, maybe he's just a bad boyfriend, maybe I would be different, though I've never had such a chance as even my longest 'intimate' relationship was closer to a friendship than what is deemed a 'romantic relationship'. However at the same time, I have asked girls even to hang out, and have felt the same rejection. Or rather... as others have said, (Not sure who, I'm sorry. D:), They don't believe that guys and girls can just be friends. In cases like that, it wasn't that I thought "Nice guys finish last," or "They don't want me cause I'm too friendly." I thought things like "Maybe I'm just not their type," or "Well, maybe there's someone else." Still... To be honest, I'd rather be just a friend for life than be stuck to having guy pals and my one partner, be it male or female. Anyway, my last thing to say is... I understand how people who put others in the Zone feel. It's about keeping a friend. As a rule, I'll only go out with someone I know, so I'll give you 3-6 months before I know you. A year at most. However, after a year and a half, I'm afraid of losing a friend I've had for a long time, at least long in comparison to the rest of my life. Edit: Not saying it's impossible after a year and a half, just very very unlikely. If I didn't feel that connection after a year and a half, it may not come later; and I'll stick to keeping a wonderful friend than a bad relationship partner. Also, if you weren't trying to be the "Nice Guy" and if you really were the nice guy, then as a friend, you may be able to SEE when you've been put into the zone. It's happened to me before with my current female BFF This has been your friendly Marek. Hero of not just the shadow realm, but also hero of... Edited May 21, 2014 by Marek Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rehab Posted May 21, 2014 Share Posted May 21, 2014 One complication, I think, is that genuine concern for another person means more than being outwardly nice (or rather, obsequious) to a person, it also includes trying to understand how acting like that makes them feel. I'm going to throw caution to the wind and assume that there aren't a whole lot of people who see "caring about how they feel" as a turn-off, or even something that isn't positive. I think, though, that one thing that can get a bit lost in translation is that some people who fit the image of a Nice Guy tm etc, but are actually trying to be good to other people (and then who get bewildered when what they're doing falls so flat), are misreading social context. Which is to say, they're doing what they think the other person would enjoy, or maybe they're treating the person in a way that they themselves would enjoy, but they're not recognizing how it's actually making the other person feel. There's a lot of room for variation in reactions, that can be difficult to be sure of if one isn't either experienced with the (sort of) person in question, or doesn't just straight-forwardly ask "would you like (this)?" (sometimes, when the question becomes "would you like to have a relationship," that can take some courage (and/or some other kind of assurance), admittedly) For example, I had [caused] some trouble with friends towards the end of high school when I got them some birthday presents. My basic starting position was "I'll get them something I can afford, and that I think/hope they'll get enjoyment out of, and that'll be that!" My starting position was also being a kinda spoiled motherfucker who'd gotten a lot of shit growing up, who liked getting shit, and who was in a position to give away shit. The idea that getting a gift could make somebody uncomfortable in any situation was completely beyond me. I didn't realize (and, to defend myself from my own self-flagellation, wasn't initially told) that a lot of these friends I was trying to give shit too had come from families where they hadn't generally gotten much presents growing up. A couple of them were ecstatic to get the stuff I gave, but a couple of them were just like, "a new game? whoa, man, you don't have to get me that, really," and wouldn't accept it. It actually made them uncomfortable. There was also a crucial factor that these friends didn't know me that well at the time, and even closer friends (who were putting effort into giving them things themselves, to be sure) weren't spending as much money on them. So there was a kinda "who the heck is this guy and where is he coming from" element to it, I gather. And I managed to be such a noid about it that I made a couple of other friends mad, because I was giving more to the receiver than that other friend could afford to give! Took me awhile to take the hint that something half as expensive would've absolutely flattered the person, and leave it at that. Trying to treat this stuff with an even hand, we could stand to keep in mind that there are a lot of different things that people can find attractive (and unattractive). Hell, some Psychology Today article particularly surprised me by saying something they'd found a lot of people find attractive, in both sexes? Shame! Because it can signify that somebody may have some knowledge of "how you're supposed to interact socially," and wants to fulfill that obligation/aspiration. Not everybody falls for the same things, and even picking the safest route in approaching somebody (going by aggregate numbers) might end up ignoring the actual person's tendencies (and, natch, feelings). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shades Posted May 24, 2014 Share Posted May 24, 2014 The friendzone is a mythical place where Truman and Roosevelt sing lounge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ã‚ノコ Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 While we're on the topic of friendzoning, would it be to derailing if I were to ask what people thought about entitlement, misogony, and the recent killings of one Elliot Rodger, an individual who claimed to suffer the "friendzone"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tryhard Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 While we're on the topic of friendzoning, would it be to derailing if I were to ask what people thought about entitlement, misogony, and the recent killings of one Elliot Rodger, an individual who claimed to suffer the "friendzone"? http://serenesforest.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=47956 'Ey yo. Though honestly, that got very derailed and hasn't generated recent replies so I don't know how useful it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ã‚ノコ Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 http://serenesforest.net/forums/index.php?showtopic=47956 'Ey yo. Though honestly, that got very derailed and hasn't generated recent replies so I don't know how useful it is. Oh! My apologies, thank you. I will go read through this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenix Wright Posted June 1, 2014 Share Posted June 1, 2014 i don't know what's hard to understand about the friendzone. all it means, to me at least, is that the person you're interested in is not interested in you romantically. it stops there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rehab Posted June 2, 2014 Share Posted June 2, 2014 (edited) Haha, I'm afraid the discussion is kinda looping around to a point we've been to before. Yeah, that's supposed to be the definition of the word, but that doesn't mention how often it's used with pretty negative connotations. Like, "how could she put me in the friendzone!" or just "ugh I'm in the friendzone [and I resent it]." Some people have apparently seen it used like that so much, it's hard for them to think of it being used in a way that isn't entitled or otherwise inappropriately resentful. Maybe not everybody has heard it with that baggage attached, and they've just always heard it used like a descriptor, a thing in the universe somewhere, but there are a lot of words like that, which have toxic aspects of their meanings that don't get heard by everybody. Edited June 2, 2014 by Rehab Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magical CC Posted June 4, 2014 Share Posted June 4, 2014 Nice guys do not finish last....but naive guys do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowy_One Posted June 9, 2014 Share Posted June 9, 2014 I have several theories. 1) The girl likes the 'nice guy' as he is and is afraid that letting him get too close may change who he is. She's not being mean, she likes him, she just doesn't want to risk him changing and thinks this will work. 2) The girl isn't ready to commit to a relationship yet. Her 'friendzoning' is not about the guy, but her own insecurities. 3) She's worried it might be a front and all he really wants is to get in her pants. 4) He's not assertive enough and she feels he's an outright wuss whom she doesn't want a serious relationship with. 5) She's the type to just leech a guy for money/presents/praise. I'm not going to claim any one is more or less right since, at best, it depends entirely on the girl as to which of the five is true, and I'm sure there are many more. Though I'm sorry if I'm an ignorant man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AMCC4728 Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I have several theories. 1) The girl likes the 'nice guy' as he is and is afraid that letting him get too close may change who he is. She's not being mean, she likes him, she just doesn't want to risk him changing and thinks this will work. 2) The girl isn't ready to commit to a relationship yet. Her 'friendzoning' is not about the guy, but her own insecurities. 3) She's worried it might be a front and all he really wants is to get in her pants. 4) He's not assertive enough and she feels he's an outright wuss whom she doesn't want a serious relationship with. 5) She's the type to just leech a guy for money/presents/praise. I'm not going to claim any one is more or less right since, at best, it depends entirely on the girl as to which of the five is true, and I'm sure there are many more. Though I'm sorry if I'm an ignorant man. Or she isn't interesting in the guy romantically? I think it is BS that guys can use the "friendzone" card in any situation. Maybe you two just aren't compatible and you have your Starry Eyes Gogglesâ„¢ on. Girls aren't responsible to go out with every guy that opens a door or tells them they are beautiful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 Why are we making it sound like the girl's fault? I think the only situation I'd say it was "her fault" is if she knew how the guy felt, had some benefit to leading him on, and did so with malice. Likewise, the only time I blame the guy is if he's being dishonest with his intentions. If both sides aren't willing to commit to a relationship, then it's best that it doesn't start. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peener weener Posted June 10, 2014 Share Posted June 10, 2014 I have several theories. 1) The girl likes the 'nice guy' as he is and is afraid that letting him get too close may change who he is. She's not being mean, she likes him, she just doesn't want to risk him changing and thinks this will work. 2) The girl isn't ready to commit to a relationship yet. Her 'friendzoning' is not about the guy, but her own insecurities. 3) She's worried it might be a front and all he really wants is to get in her pants. 4) He's not assertive enough and she feels he's an outright wuss whom she doesn't want a serious relationship with. 5) She's the type to just leech a guy for money/presents/praise. I'm not going to claim any one is more or less right since, at best, it depends entirely on the girl as to which of the five is true, and I'm sure there are many more. Though I'm sorry if I'm an ignorant man. I think you need some more social experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiriluk Posted June 11, 2014 Share Posted June 11, 2014 Dont let yourself get friendzoned. Let the girl know you're interested. Dont be mad if you're friendzoned, it just means you didnt act on time so its the not the girl's fault, Its your own. Besides if the girl just doesnt like you, then she doesnt like you. Its over. Move on :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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