Erdall Posted December 15, 2015 Share Posted December 15, 2015 I don't know... I think a lot of people just have trouble showing their emotions. And many others rather the opposite. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amiabletemplar Posted December 18, 2015 Share Posted December 18, 2015 (edited) And many others rather the opposite. In my experience, there's also a third category: people who do show their emotions, but in subtle ways, such that you have to "get to know them" before you see it. I am, apparently, exactly this kind of person; large emotional reactions are easily seen, but smaller, everyday emotional stuff isn't. My parents, for example, can easily tell when I'm generally feeling positively or negatively, whereas I have been told by classmates, and heard from my parents discussing their friends' statements, that I come across as emotionally neutral and detached much of the time, not visibly affected by events that happen to me. Sadly, I didn't learn this until well after high school. I wish I'd known much earlier--it probably would have helped me socially. I think my reputation for being smart (one I wish I lived up to better than I do!), coupled with an appearance of detachment and coldness, made people think I didn't like them. :( I never said to be dishonest. I said to hold off on saying something along the lines of "I like you senpai" on your first date, which, again, would be fine in Japan but just awkward in Europe/America. Might've been a good idea to use a different phrase then. Although it isn't quite what you said, I definitely got an initial read of "don't be honest with people about your feelings," which definitely sounds like "be dishonest about your feelings"--an issue of "don't x" vs. "do anti-x." A better way to say it might be: "Be honest, but be tactful. Immediately rushing to 'ZOMG I LOVE YOU FOREVER' is not tactful, and is likely to scare the person in question. Remember that you are trying to inspire the other person's interest in you, not display your interest in them--and you may not succeed." Often, a "first date" is something of a "testing the waters" event--the two participants probably haven't been the sole/main focus of each other's attention before, and the first date is a chance to see the other person in a different, emotionally revealing light. Trying to leap straight into emotional intimacy with a person you don't "fully" know yet is unwise--even the asker may find that the ask-ee is not quite what they thought and lose interest. Merely asking someone out on a date is a demonstration of your interest--there's no need to pull out the big guns immediately. But if somebody asks you a question about it, especially if it's a direct one, an honest and forthright answer is really the only way to go. I guess the big thing to remember is: there are many ways to be honest, so don't think that honesty alone is enough to make up for being creepy! Because it's really, really not. Edited December 18, 2015 by amiabletemplar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgetruman Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 Wow this topic is full of god damned no good sinners. Romantic interaction is dirty and sinful and you should never date anyone until you marry them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted December 19, 2015 Share Posted December 19, 2015 Get on topic or get out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MacLovin Posted December 24, 2015 Share Posted December 24, 2015 (edited) yo SF. There's this girl that I like, but she's got a few suitors right now (This is the Philippines, I don't fully understand things but what have you.) She's not in a committed relationship. (Although she is kind of currently trying out things with some guy, but then she confided that she's not ready for anything.) -I'm on the teetering line between friendzone and getting somewhere with her. She's opened up and shared things with me, emotionally. But it seems that I've got a good start, but I'm getting mixed signals here and there. -I've been dropping hints quite frequently, but it seems she just thinks I'm a kind guy. (She's not exactly the full out best in the looks dept.) Should I try gambling it all and just asking her out? She is open to the idea, but she does have a loaded schedule. (she volunteers for a lot of different things, and I've actively gone and confirmed this.) However, we're on really good terms despite her being busy with volunteering for extracurricular activities and dealing with being a student official in the college. I suspect I might have a shot if I work within the next 2-3 months. -I mean I have a sort of time limit because it's likely she'll make up her mind after this semester. I just get that vibe. Edited December 24, 2015 by Skurge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 I have a really bad feeling about this one. How "close" is she to other guys besides the one she's sort-of trying? (not for the sake of jealousy. . .but I'm not sure whether my theory is correct, either, because I'd need to talk to her to figure it out) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MacLovin Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 (edited) ok I've gotten more information and it seems that she's currently seeing one other guy but isn't ready for committment with him. Meaning that I might be able to pull something off if I can weasel my way into her heart I guess? Edited December 27, 2015 by Skurge Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excellen Browning Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 It looks to me like your lady friend isn't looking for a steady relationship. You might want to think about whether or not you're ok with you bed buddy sleeping with other people. (if you are, I recommend asking her out. She doesn't seem to be getting the hints (or ignoring them in hope of you taking her hint). At this point only going along hinting will get neither of you anywhere) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MacLovin Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 It looks to me like your lady friend isn't looking for a steady relationship. You might want to think about whether or not you're ok with you bed buddy sleeping with other people. (if you are, I recommend asking her out. She doesn't seem to be getting the hints (or ignoring them in hope of you taking her hint). At this point only going along hinting will get neither of you anywhere) well this is the Philippines and things work kind of damn slowly here, and things are more innocent. as in things are pretty tame. I can get away with something, but it seems that she really likes that other guy. at this point, I'll have to work my ass off in showing sincerity in liking her and etc. I'm so close to being in the early stages of a friendzone though :/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excellen Browning Posted December 27, 2015 Share Posted December 27, 2015 How slow are we talking about, here? Also, how does courtship generally work in the Philippines? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MacLovin Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 well it's kind of similar to America in the 50s. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrhesia Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 The friendzone isn't a real thing ffs, if it turns out that you end up friends then that's still something to be cherished. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 Run. It sounds like you're her backup plan in case things don't pan out with the other guy. I refuse to be anyone's second fiddle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excellen Browning Posted December 28, 2015 Share Posted December 28, 2015 (edited) She can play my fiddle if you know what I mean. But I'm ok with casual sex and not everyone is, so eh. Edit: I'm fairly sure something like the friend zone exists. I've seen/heard women make remarks like "if one of my male friends turns out to like me, that just makes everything he ever did for me meaningless" and "but I thought we were just friends, why did you have to mess this up!". Edited December 28, 2015 by Excellen Browning Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 That's. . .not quite what I meant. By "second fiddle", I mean "if things don't work out with this guy, I can always run to this other dude who's shown interest in me". It tells me the person in question is insecure, and I don't want that in a boyfriend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erdall Posted December 29, 2015 Share Posted December 29, 2015 (edited) One way or another, rather seems insecure or is a selfish person.Either way, don't overheat your head with her, you have still a long way ahead to find a proper girl for you.Tend to mark a distance with her. If she ever had real interest in you, she might came closer time ago.But I unfortunately smell that she may be treating you like a guinea pig. Just let it be by her own hand, letting the truth shine by itself and, meanwhile, go by your own. Keep the relationship friendly and casual, but do not dare or pretend to force anything. Edited December 29, 2015 by Edrall Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BEST TRYNDAMERE PLAYER Posted January 3, 2016 Share Posted January 3, 2016 (edited) Okay male amigos, I'm about to answer all of your questions in one post: If you've been crushing on a girl for months, you'd be doing yourself a favor by immediately separating yourself from this girl and moving on to the next. But for those insistent on pursuing their crushes - please get it over with and ask her out for drinks, escalate physically (light touching etc), and go for the kiss. It's better to come out and be rejected than to never try and constantly look for "signs". Girls love a man with initiative. In dating, men are usually the ones to make the first move. Don't be the shoulder to cry on, don't have extended text conversations with her ranting to you about problems. Be the man that approaches her, gets her number within 10 minutes of interacting, and using text strictly as a means to set up a date. With enough practice, you can set up instant-dates with girls you've met on the same day. And it's perfectly okay to see multiple girls at once, at least until you and one of the girls talk about dating each other exclusively. So never lock yourself onto one girl until having the talk. Edited January 3, 2016 by BEST TRYNDAMERE PLAYER Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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