HELLO SF COOKBOOK - in which internet nerds submit food recipes

[Parrhesia]

imo we need a thread dedicated purely to everyone sharing their favourite recipes

pyf nice shit here

this is a recipe saved in my evernote as Fully Sick Risotto which I literally found in a football manager 2008 let's play

Inauthentic Panissa Vercellese

makes about 4 servings, depending on whom you are serving

½ lb. carnaroli rice

½ lb. cranberry beans

1 Italian sausage, not too spicy or sweet, about ½ lb.

1 onion

¼ lb. lardo or pancetta

1 medium onion

4 bay leaves

1 ½ to 2 cups red wine

1 teaspoon nutmeg

1 tablespoon sage

salt and pepper

parmesan cheese

1.) Soak the beans overnight (at least 12 hours) in a pan of cold water that covers them by about one inch. Drain; discard the water (or use it for another purpose).

2.) Chop half of the lardo and heat it gently for a minute or two in a large pan; add half the onion, diced. Fry over medium heat until the onion is translucent, about two minutes. Cut up the sausage into three or four chunks. Add the beans, bay leaves, sage, nutmeg, and the sausage chunks to the pot with the onion. Add salt and pepper. Add water to cover by one-half inch. Cook for about 2 hours on low heat, until the beans are tender. If the mixture ever seems too dry, add a little more water.

3.) Drain the bean mixture, retaining the liquid.

4.) In the same pan in which you cooked the beans, put the remaininglardo and heat it gently for a minute or two; add the other half of the onion, diced. Fry over medium heat until the onion is translucent, about two minutes. Add the rice, tossing it until glossy, about two minutes. Add one-half cup of the wine, stirring; stir until the wine is completely absorbed. Continue with the rest of the wine, stirring constantly. Stop when the rice is still very al dente but looks vaguely plump. (You may not need all the wine.)

5.) Remove the sausage chunks from the bean mixture and crumble into smaller pieces. Add bean mixture and sausage to the rice, stirring to incorporate. Add one cup of the water retained from cooking the beans. Cook fifteen to twenty minutes at a simmer, stirring, until the rice is cooked. Add more of the water retained from the beans if the dish looks too dry or if you prefer a looser texture.

6.) Remove the bay leaves. Add salt and pepper to taste. Serve with grated parmesan cheese. Don't actually do this imo but I've never personally tried it, it's just... weird.

What you are left with is a delicious and fully sick grey-purple mash which is basically single-handedly enough to fend off winter. If you try to eat this in spring or summer you will probably throw up because holy shit this is heavy.

TABLE OF CONTENTS thanks euklyd

• Fully Sick Risotto: Inauthentic Panissa Vercellese
• Smoky, Spicy Tomatillo Salsa Verde: Green Hell!
• Relatively normal: Spaghetti chili con carne
• Respect the Legend: FUCK THE HULK HOGAN
• Get an adult: clipsey-style pot roast
• Modified for children: strawberry not-daiquiris
• Might not actually be: Tunisian Spaghetti
• helpIneedatagline: roasted red pepper hummus
• That man is a menace in the kitchen: Dad's famous curry
• help im scared: Emerald Slop
• Is this blasphemy or genius: Pizza Quesadillas
• Literally falls off the bone: Slow-cooked oven ribs
• Finally a desert: Lemon Pudding Mochi
• I Think I Found This In A Guardian Article: Green Curry Paste
• mmmm, pasta...: Geeky Spaghetti
• Good food is expensive: BEEF WELLINGTON B O Y Z
• A rather gassy recipe: Apple Banana Lumpia
• help I can't think of titles: shakshuka
• OBJECTIVELY THE BEST RECIPE ITT: Chicken Curry
• #EatingAlone: Bacon Cheese Potato Skins
• I think this is the first soup dish?: Vegetable soup with lentils

Edited January 9, 2016 by Parrhesia

[Jedi]

For those of you who like Spicy Salsa's for chips, or whatever. This may tickle your fancy, I found this some years ago, and it turns out really good.

Heres the site I found it on actually http://www.food.com/recipe/smoky-spicy-tomatillo-salsa-verde-aka-green-hell-97531

Smoky, Spicy Tomatillo Salsa Verde Aka Green Hell!

INGREDIENTS and Servings

UNITS US

Should be enough for around 10 - 20 servings, and yields 3 cups
1 lb tomatillo, cut into quarters
1 habanero pepper, seeds and all
1 onion, rough chopped
3 garlic cloves
1 -2 chipotle chile in adobo
1 lime, juice of
1 cup fresh cilantro (I used all three) or 1 cup fresh parsley (I used all three) or 1 cup fresh basil (I used all three)
salt and pepper

DIRECTIONS

Put all ingredients into a blender.
Process till pureed.

It turns out very green, has a pretty spicy kick, and it tastes absolutely great. Just don't eat tons of it at once, you could end up regretting it, good for social gatherings and parties though. Or just relaxing at home even.

[MisterIceTeaPeach]

Spaghetti chili con carne (for one person)

Ingredients

• 200 g spaghetti
• 200 g mincemeat
• 1 onion
• 1 chilicote
• 200 ml tomato sauce or chili sauce or zingara sauce (depends how spicy it shall be)
• 50 g kidney beans
• water with a pinch of salt for the spaghetti

The same way you do Spaghetti Bolognese, only that you add the cut chilicote and the kidney beans to the onion with the mincemeat.

[Nightmare]

FUCK THE HULK HOGAN

Ingredients

- Hulk Hogan

- Wrestling ring

- Camel clutch

- Respect for the legend

- The legend

- Salt

- Pepper

Directions

- To commemorate this occasion, tweet "FUCK THE HULK HOGAN" in your twitter.

- Breathe deeply and remember that you must respect the legend, otherwise this recipe won't work.

- It's also recommended that you be the legend, or at least not be a jabroni. The recipe hasn't shown much success otherwise.

- Bring the Hulk Hogan to the wrestling ring and knead it thoroughly with your fists and your feet. You may use your elbows, knees, head and your entire body as well, if you so desire, alongside your forearms and your legs.

- Once kneaded well, toss the Hulk Hogan several times.

- Repeat these two steps a few more times. This will ensure the Hulk Hogan is at its most tender.

- Once tender, place the Hulk Hogan in the middle of the ring and sit on it. Put your hands on the Hulk Hogan's chin and lock your hands together, then pull with great ferocity. Pull until the Hulk Hogan is made the fucking humble. The flavour will improve this way.

- Season using salt and pepper to your taste.

- Serves a whole stadium.

Enjoy!

[Elieson]

Garnish with sweat of Macho Man Randy Savage, and you've got my Christmas dinner right there

[eclipse]

clipsey-style pot roast

(warning: if you're not allowed to drink beer, get an adult to help you or something)

- A 3-4 lb. chuck roast (don't sweat it if the hunk of meat is a bit bigger/smaller than this. . .and the rest of the world can convert this on their own)

- 1 medium carrot

- 2 salad potatoes (Russet potatoes melt)

- 1 medium onion

- 1 zucchini

- 1/2 can of beer

- 1 bay leaf

- thyme/sage/salt/pepper/garlic

1. Slice the carrots, salad potatoes, onions, and zucchini into bite-sized pieces.

2. Put the chuck roast and vegetables in a slow cooker.

3. Pour the beer on top of the meat and veggies.

4. Use enough thyme, sage, salt, pepper, and garlic to taste. I never measure my herbs, so I can't say how much I use.

5. Throw the bay leaf in.

6. Set the slow cooker to low.

7. Get someone to drink the rest of the beer (or if you can do so legally, enjoy).

8. Turn off the slow cooker after 6 hours or so (don't worry about overcooking it), and fish out the bay leaf.

9. Let the meat sit for 15 minutes before slicing it to delicious bits.

10. Enjoy~!

Used to do this before my stomach went berserk on me.

Edited December 19, 2015 by eclipse

[Jedi]

Whoa that sounds great. I have to try it sometime.

[euklyd]

only recipe I can remember off the top of my head is for strawberry not-daiquiris (it's technically for daiquiris but why ruin the flavor)

- a shit ton of frozen strawberries

- half a banana

- half (or more) of a can of frozen lemonade

- (optional) frozen other berries (raspberries, blackberries, etc.)

- like half a cup of hot water to start

stick it all in a blender and let it blend. probably won't blend well without more hot water; add hot water until the texture is as you prefer

(hot water rather than cold is used so you dilute the flavor as little as possible)

I can dump real recipes for stuff like curry when I'm upstairs

[Tryhard]

may as well post this from before

Tunisian (probably not necessarily but that's what i call it) Spaghetti

4 tablespoons olive oil

2 tablespoons tomato puree

1 heaped teaspoon hot chilli powder (pretty decently hot, obviously you can have less or more)

3 garlic cloves crushed

2 chicken breasts chunked

1/2 teaspoon turmeric

heat all in a pot, adding a little water. once boiling, add water to cover chicken. boil, then add salt, pepper and optionally a bay leaf. simmer for around 40 minutes, stirring occasionally, until there is only a thick sauce left. serve over spaghetti, mixing the sauce in. pretty simple, decent amount to serve two people or so

we actually get chilli powder from our family in tunisia, I believe it's pretty annoying to get otherwise

Edited December 19, 2015 by Tryhard

[I.M. Gei]

reposting this

[spoiler=roasted red pepper hummus]

recipe:

a half cup of dry chickpeas

2 tbsp tahini

2 tbsp olive oil

the juice of one lime

1 tsp cumin powder

half of a roasted red pepper

(optional) cayenne, or some other hot chili powder

6 cloves of garlic

1) soak chickpeas overnight (optional: after they've sat in the water for a few hours, you can start skinning them)

2) boil for at least two hours, so that you can press one flat with your fingers

3) for the red pepper, cut it in half, stem it, and place it skin side up on aluminum foil on a baking tray. bake at 400 for half an hour, so that the skin is charred once it's out. place in a bowl and cover for now.

4) mix together the tahini and olive oil.

5) toss the boiled chickpeas, garlic, tahini, olive oil and lime juice into a blender. you'll get a bit of a tough mixture, but...

6) take one half of the red pepper, skin it—the skin should easily come off now—cut it up, and put it in the blender along with the cumin. the hummus should blend a lot more easily.

7) add salt if you want, or more water depending on what consistency you want the hummus. you can also add some red pepper powder if you want it spicy.

8) enjoy!

[euklyd]

[spoiler=it took me two days to get upstairs I guess :^)]

Basic Curry Sauce ‐ spices and onions
All of these quantities are approximate. Like, really approx.

• 1 tsp ginger
• 2 tsp turmeric
• 1 tsp salt (you might want more)
• 1 Tsp cumin seed
• 1⁄2+ tsp white pepper (originally called for black pepper, use whichever)
• 1 Tsp curry powder (we use Sun Brand Madras Curry Powder.)
• 2+ tsp paprika
• 3 Tbsp dried parsley
• 1 Tbsp coriander
• 1⁄2+ tsp cayenne pepper
• ---
• 1­-2 Cup plain yogurt
• 3 Tbsp butter
• 5 garlic cloves, minced
• 2 onions, quartered (8 or 12 chunks)

• Saute the onions in the butter until soft and just getting brown (about 8­-10 minutes)
• While the onions are sauteing, measure the dry spices (first group) into a small bowl. Mix in enough water to make a thick paste, then mix in the yogurt.
• When the onions are done, turn the heat down a little, clear a space in the pan and add the garlic, cover with the onions, and let the garlic bloom for 30 seconds.
• Add the spices and yogurt and turn the heat down to low. It’s easy to scorch the yogurt.

Everything Else
And now for actual things to put in the curry.

You can add just about anything to the basic sauce, but you need to take care to give slower-cooking ingredients more time to cook and to not overcook delicate ingredients. Here are some suggestions. The quantities assume that you only have two or three ingredients. Everything should be cut into chunks about the size of one or two of your thumbs.

You should cook this in a wide pan (or pot) so that you can stir things off the bottom. This avoids scorching and lets you stir delicate ingredients gently. Make sure that there’s enough sauce to cover everything. (Not so much if you’re using chicken ­it will release liquid as it cooks.) Add water or yogurt as needed. The curry should simmer and bubble, but never boil.

When you stir, scrape the bottom and stir up from the bottom, not just around and around.

• carrots, 2-­3 cups - Microwave until they’re hot and steaming and put them in 10 minutes before any of the other ingredients (below) so that they’ll cook fully.
• chicken, cut up 2-­3 lbs - Add at the beginning.
• mushrooms, chunks 2­-3 cups - Saute separately then add near the end.
• Tofu (firm or extra firm), 1-­2 lbs - Add late to avoid disintegrating the tofu.
• Bell peppers, chunks 1­-3 cups - Add 5-­10 minutes before the end.
• Cauliflower, 1-­2 cups - Add at the beginning
• Potatoes, 1-3 cups - Add at the beginning, maybe earlier?
• EDIT: imo use fingerling or petite potatoes cut in half, but whites and reds should work ok as well. Russets dissolve too easily, but if you must use russet, make sure to add them in much later so they don't overcook.

You can tell that it’s about done when the chicken (if you’re using it) is done and the carrots are nearly fork­tender. At that point, add delicate ingredients like tofu, mushrooms, and bell peppers, then let cook for 10 more minutes. Heat it back up to simmering, but don’t rush it. That’s how you end up with a scorched mess on the bottom of the pan.

When the ingredients are sufficiently soft, thicken the sauce with either Wondra "instantized" flour. Sprinkle across the top and stir it in. Unlike gravies, you don’t need to worry about lumps. Wait a few minutes and repeat until the sauce is thick enough for your tastes.

EDIT: use fingerling or petite or white or red potatoes, not russet; if you use russet potatoes, add them in much later so that they don't overcook and dissolve.

edit: clarified potatoes

Edited December 29, 2015 by Euklyd

[eclipse]

Oh SHIT, yogurt in curry? That sounds amazing! I usually threw in soy sauce instead.

[I.M. Gei]

i've seen my share of indian curries that use yogurt in their base (

, particularly due to a good mix of dal, which has a shitton of fiber and protein, and chicken)

dunno if chicken tik or a lot of the iconic masalas use yogurt or cream more often, though

Edited December 21, 2015 by I.M. Gei

[Emeraldfox]

Emerald Slop

-Some rice

-A pound or two of ground beef

-Spaghetti sauce(my personal favorite is Ragu, the white sauce works too)

-Some shredded cheese

Brown the beef, and while you're at it cook the rice too. The quick rice works too. After the rice and meat is done, throw the rice in with the meat. After that dump the spaghetti sauce in the rice+beef, and the shredded cheese too.

Boom, you have Emerald Slop.

[solrocknroll]

So I don't have measurements or anything, but I do know something:

Pizza Quesadillas:

Ingredients:

Pizza Sauce (pick one)

Shredded Cheese (pick one)

Tortilla Shells

1. Spread out the tortillas.

2. Apply pizza sauce at whatever amount you want.

3. Do the same for the shredded cheese.

4. Put in the oven for like 10 minutes I think.

5. Fold the tortillas to be in whatever shape you want.

6. Profit!

i think

Edited December 22, 2015 by Freyjadour

[euklyd]

Slow-Cooked Oven Ribs

[spoiler=god you guys post more recipes]Adapted from a bunch of not-slow-enough online recipes, with advice from some Google chefs. [note: from chefs at Google, not online chefs found by Google search. This is my dad's recipe.]

I wanted to be able to have ribs on a weeknight, or on a weekend without babysitting them all day. The various "slow-cooked-in-the-oven" recipes weren't slow enough – 4 to 6 hours – and then wanted me to play around with the ribs on the grill. Not acc'eptable. I go to work in the morning. When I get home in the evening, I want to worry about other food, not the ribs.

It turns out that the recipe is similar to other recipes I found online, with three beneficial modifications:

• Lower temperature ⇒ longer cook time and more tender ribs. ✓
• Bake the ribs completely covered, with some water ⇒ don't dry out. ✓
• No grill ⇒ my ribs don't have the wonderful "char" that would win points with the rib fashionistas. So sad. ✓

Tools & Ingredients

• Half-sheet (13x18", 33x45cm) baking trays. I bought four of these a couple of years ago, and I use them as much as any other cooking implement in my kitchen. It's wonderful to never have to worry about running out or having to mix and match a bunch of random baking dishes. Mine were about $11 from Amazon. That's less than you'll pay for the ribs themselves.
• Wide, heavy-duty aluminum foil (18", 45cm) - enough to line the pans and cover the ribs.
• Ribs. I usually get three racks of pork spare ribs from Costco. I've also used country-style (no bones), which worked just fine, although they're harder to serve because of the tendency to fall apart. This is not a disadvantage.
• Meat rub. I'm not terribly picky, although I find that the celery in some of the rubs is overpowering. We like Grill Mates Steak Rub.

For three racks of ribs, you'll need two baking trays.

Preparation

I like to do the preparation the night before and store the ribs in the fridge overnight. In the morning, I just have to put them in the oven. Get everything ready before you get raw pork juice all over your hands.

• For traditional ribs, strip the membrane off of the bone-side. Slide the handle of a fork or spoon between the membrane at and a bone and lift a bit up. Grab the membrane with your fingers and a paper towel and peel it off. Start from the end where the membrane is narrow. (It tears if you go start the other end.) I can usually get the whole thing off in one or two pieces.
• Cut the ribs into serving-size pieces. For me, this is two ribs.
• Put some of the ribs into a large bowl and sprinkle and rub the rub, covering all sides. I don't feel a need to get it too thick. An advantage of the Grill Mates rub is that you can spoon it out of the container, rather than getting pork juice all over a shaker.
• Put the ribs in bags and refrigerate until morning.
• Line the tray(s) with foil. Don't try to be a hero and get the foil to fit perfectly across the wide side of the trays. It won't work, and then you'll have to clean the trays.

Cooking

These instructions assume that you'll be cooking the ribs 8-10 hours.

• Preheat your oven to 200℉ (95℃). Raising the heat to 225℉ (110℃) reduces the cooking time dramatically, to 5 or 6 hours. Cooking at 225 all day will dry them out.
• Lay the ribs in the trays, meat side up. If you can get someone to flip the ribs over
• halfway, put the meat side down.
• Add about a ⅓ cup (100 ml) of water to the tray.
• Put the ribs in the oven and walk away.

There will be a lot of juices in the trays, so be careful not to spill when taking them out of the oven. I suggest that you pour off most of the juices first thing. Don't pour it down the drain, since it has a lot of fat in it.

Serving

Put the ribs on a platter and serve with your favorite barbeque sauce. Some people might smother them in sauce before serving, but that's going too far, even for me.

Edited December 23, 2015 by Euklyd

[euklyd]

I don't think I actually described the recipe very well.

Literally falls off the bone, although if you apply basically any force to the bone don't be surprised if the bone breaks as well.

[eclipse]

FINE. But since there's a lot of main dishes and whatnot, have some dessert!

If you don't use the American system, you'll need to convert this to whatever you do use. Sorry!

Lemon Pudding Mochi

1 16 oz. box mochiko

2 c. sugar

4 tsp. baking powder

1 3 oz. lemon pudding

3 c. milk (or a mix of coconut and dairy milk)

1 block melted butter

5 eggs, lightly beaten

2 tsp. lemon extract

1 cup angel flake sweetened shredded coconut

1. Melt 1 block butter in microwave.

2. Heat oven to 350 degrees.

3. Grease 9x13 in. pan with a nonstick cooking spray.

4. In large bowl, stir mochiko, sugar, baking powder, and pudding.

5. Gradually whisk in milk to beat out lumps.

6. One at a time stir in melted butter, beaten eggs, lemon extract, and coconut.

7. Pour into baking pan.

8. Bake 1 hour or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean.

Yields 24 to 30 squares

Mochiko can be found in the Asian food aisle. It's otherwise known as sweet rice flour.

[Integrity]

Lemon Pudding Mochi

i'm actually going to make this when i go shopping after the christmas rush

[FrostyFireMage]

My dad knows the recipe for a pretty swell Zucchini Slice. I might bug him about it.

[euklyd]

i'm actually going to make this when i go shopping after the christmas rush

this seems like a pretty solid thing to make I agree

time to stealthily add its ingredients to the shopping list

[eclipse]

i'm actually going to make this when i go shopping after the christmas rush

this seems like a pretty solid thing to make I agree

time to stealthily add its ingredients to the shopping list

The two of you do my grandmother proud. She's the one that gave me the recipe~!

[peener weener]

i wish i knew american measurements these sound really tasty

actually i wish i knew how to cook

[eclipse]

i wish i knew american measurements these sound really tasty

actually i wish i knew how to cook

Learning how to cook - there's a bunch of YouTube tutorials! Unfortunately, I don't have any recommendations. . .

Online conversion - Here ya go~! And for stuff that's pertinent to this topic, here!

[Integrity]

oh straight up (op make a list of resources) this link is an amazing chocolate conversion list. sometimes they're just OK substitutions but sometimes (subbing german's for semisweet) it's actually way better than the original.