Anacybele Posted December 8, 2016 Share Posted December 8, 2016 Huh, I see. Well, this kind of stuff is why you get to know your lover really really well before truly deciding you should have kids and spend your lives together, imo. Not knowing enough is probably why a lot of divorces happen. Not that I think you and your husband should divorce or anything, you seem to be getting along fine now, I'm just saying. :P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Res Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 Yeah, it's a little hard to assess what type of parent someone'll be, especially if there aren't any friends or relatives with young babies for you to babysit! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nym Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 I'm going to put this in a spoiler since it gets a little long and whiny, haha. - my water breaks, we go to the hospital - we get checked into the room, and my husband almost immediately falls asleep in the chair - few hours later, he's still asleep - nearly time to push. Husband looks so faint he leaves the room (mind you, he hasn't even looked at me; he felt faint simply from hearing the midwife talk) and the midwife is so concerned about him she leaves the room, so I'm all alone - I have the baby, we get transferred to mother & baby room - husband falls asleep again - he sleeps though 12 straight hours, through the pediatrician's visit and through baby's hearing test - he hadn't installed the car seat as I'd been requesting for two weeks before having the baby, so he and his dad took care of that the next day, so I was alone for most of the day - we get to leave the hospital, and the car seat is not properly installed! So he goes and holds the baby in the air conditioned entrance while I'm out in the 90 degree heat in the parking lot for 40 mins reading through the manual and getting it properly installed - we get home, he promptly goes back to bed for another 12 hrs. I'm vacuuming and preparing the place for guests. It's day 3 since I gave birth and I've slept for a grand total of 3 hours in that time - a week after I've given birth, he's been going to work, coming home and sleeping for 12 hrs each night. It's like the 6th or 7th night and I'm getting up every 2 hrs with the baby and he returns home from work and actually says to me, 'I'm so sorry, I'm just really too tired, I'm going to bed'. At this point I was pretty much too gobsmacked (also, exhausted) to do anything except stare at him I must admit, when Niko was born, I told him I'd rather he wasn't in the room. He spent the whole time in the kitchen baking cookies and that worked much better for both of us (plus I got to smell freshly baked cookies while giving birth). I think both kids were 5-6 months old before he changed a diaper, too. Holy crap, I know I probably shouldn't laugh at that because of what you had to do but oh boy, your husband. I hope I won't turn out like that, it would be pretty sad xD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Res Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 Oh, I totally laugh in retrospect! ;) I could've/should've asked for help too, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sylphid Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 Wow Res, that's honestly pretty hilarious. Not so much when it happened though, I bet :p And I'm fairly sure dad/mom qualities aren't usually what people look for in their partners. Until the little one comes in, at least. Hey, Sylphid, don't worry. lol Some people just might not enjoy the crazy shopping sprees and major excitement and such as much as others. :P Heck, even for me at times, the store crowds get a little too crazy! Actually, it's less those and more the ear-splitting Christmas songs, Christmas commercials that start in mid-November and the fact I plain don't like Finnish Christmas food (except the ones we eat at other times too, anyways) xD Though I'm not very good with crowds either lol. It's funny to hear that. Being a native English speaker, hearing things not-in-English makes them sound more fancy to our ears. Finnish is even more of a special case, since I think it's not a member of the Proto-Indo-European language group. Foreign languages will always sound more fancy to our ears I suppose. And yeah, Finnish is part of Uralic language group (alongside Hungarian and a bunch of minority languages from Eastern Europe and Russia) so it's certainly different from English and its relative languages. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 People that want kids SHOULD be looking for those qualities in their partners though... I mean, I kinda will be since I'd like to adopt a daughter (MAYBE two, but that's a big maybe) some day. Huh, I love Christmas music. XD But yeah, it's a bit over the top when the Christmas stuff starts showing up in like October or early November... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ping Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 Foreign languages will always sound more fancy to our ears I suppose. And yeah, Finnish is part of Uralic language group (alongside Hungarian and a bunch of minority languages from Eastern Europe and Russia) so it's certainly different from English and its relative languages. I've been to Hungary last year and and it was absolutely horrible language-wise (great in every other aspect, though) :D We could derive exactly one whole word from our linguistic knowledge (Iskola because someone from our group speaks swedish) and we were completely helpless otherwise when dealing with any signs. Luckily, German plus English (plus a lot of gesturing) worked reasonably well. I've never been to Finland (or anywhere else in Scandinavia), but I suppose it would be a comparable challenge. People that want kids SHOULD be looking for those qualities in their partners though... I mean, I kinda will be since I'd like to adopt a daughter (MAYBE two, but that's a big maybe) some day. Dating tip: You probably shouldn't bring up future children at your first date anyway. :D I'm not saying that it isn't an important thing to agree on in a relationship (and I know that many couples break up over it), but I don't think it's something to think about before even planning to move in together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shadowofchaos Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 (edited) I'm not saying that it isn't an important thing to agree on in a relationship (and I know that many couples break up over it), but I don't think it's something to think about before even planning to move in together.It's definitely something important, but shouldn't be brought up until you're even comfortable enough in the relationship to do so.If you don't think your future in-laws (as they take an active role in my case) aren't comfortable talking about it yet, then you shouldn't be bringing it up yet. The subject in general, like say... "What do you value?" type things with children are fair game, more than likely though. Like how you were raised and what you think your role would be in that kind of hypothetical situation is an easier way of getting the same info. Edited December 9, 2016 by shadowofchaos Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 Dating tip: You probably shouldn't bring up future children at your first date anyway. :D I'm not saying that it isn't an important thing to agree on in a relationship (and I know that many couples break up over it), but I don't think it's something to think about before even planning to move in together. I didn't say it had to be on the first date... I mean it should be around the time you're starting to think about marriage and other stuff like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shadowofchaos Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 I didn't say it had to be on the first date... I mean it should be around the time you're starting to think about marriage and other stuff like that. I think what they mean is that, like how you stated it outright in your post what your plans were... something that specific isn't something you advertise to your potential partner so easily as you did in that post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 I think what they mean is that, like how you stated it outright in your post what your plans were... something that specific isn't something you advertise to your potential partner so easily as you did in that post. Well yeah, of course. But I highly doubt Sylphid is my potential partner right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sylphid Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 People that want kids SHOULD be looking for those qualities in their partners though... I mean, I kinda will be since I'd like to adopt a daughter (MAYBE two, but that's a big maybe) some day. Huh, I love Christmas music. XD But yeah, it's a bit over the top when the Christmas stuff starts showing up in like October or early November... I do agree such qualities are important to consider (for people who want kids, anyways), I just meant they're not something people tend to actively look for (or that's the impression I've got, anyways). Not all of it is horrible, but I can't stand the super jolly ones nor the solemn hymns. Some more modern ones have been really tolerable actually, but the rest of my family prefers the traditional ones lol. (As an aside, the jolly ones are more tolerable when not in Finnish) Oh god I'm glad it doesn't start that early over here... Yet. It might since European markets tend to copy America. I might have to hide under a rock in future xD Well yeah, of course. But I highly doubt Sylphid is my potential partner right now. I just want to point out that this conversation took a pretty amusing turn lol long-distance relationships suck anyways I've been to Hungary last year and and it was absolutely horrible language-wise (great in every other aspect, though) :D We could derive exactly one whole word from our linguistic knowledge (Iskola because someone from our group speaks swedish) and we were completely helpless otherwise when dealing with any signs. Luckily, German plus English (plus a lot of gesturing) worked reasonably well. I've never been to Finland (or anywhere else in Scandinavia), but I suppose it would be a comparable challenge. I've never heard Hungarian so I couldn't tell tbh. English and sometimes Swedish (bilingualism!) would be enough in most places anyways. And glory to gesturing! Incidentally, if coming to Finland is any kind of serious thought, 2017 might the best time to do it. It will be the celebratory year for 100 years of independence so there will be bunch of events and such. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 (edited) I just want to point out that this conversation took a pretty amusing turn lol long-distance relationships suck anyways Haha, yes it did. lol Sorry about that, but I felt like SOC was saying what he said as if I was considering you a potential partner since you were the one my post was directed to. :P And yes, they do. Edited December 9, 2016 by Anacybele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Res Posted December 9, 2016 Share Posted December 9, 2016 We discussed kids long before marriage; however, there's only so much you can guess ahead of time, especially when anxiety is a real factor. I had the advantage of looking after my newborn twin brother/sister when I was 14; I had plenty of practice with babies (although your own is very different, of course). But I definitely knew more than most. It's a shock and adjustment for a lot of people and sometimes you just don't know how you're going to cope until you're in that situation! I'm getting a sweet deal right now - since Niko's been weaned I'm too distracting in the middle of the night, so my husband's having to handle aaalll the middle of the night wake ups, and I'm getting to sleep for a full 6 hours straight. Sometimes I even have the bed to myself! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rezzy Posted December 12, 2016 Author Share Posted December 12, 2016 That's a real shame, Res. I'm thankful that I've had such a supportive co-parent in this endeavor. It may not be 50/50, but we both do quite a bit in terms of diaper changes and feeding and such. On the weekends, we even get to take turns taking 3-4 hour naps while the other watches the kids. For bringing up kids, I would recommend feeling the other partner out, at the very least after a few dates, if kids is something you want. I wasted 7 months in relationship before really finding out that my girlfriend had no interest in adopting/having kids. This was also in time where non-traditional parents raising kids was on tenuous legal grounds, which was a whole 'nother matter to take into consideration, and gay marriage was not even legal at the time. But that's a discussion for another time and place. In deciding to get married and having kids the old-fashioned way, that was the most important thing for me. On a different note, heading back to work sucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Res Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 Ugh oh no, 6 weeks up already?! That sucks. :( I'm sorry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nym Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 (edited) That's a real shame, Res. I'm thankful that I've had such a supportive co-parent in this endeavor. It may not be 50/50, but we both do quite a bit in terms of diaper changes and feeding and such. On the weekends, we even get to take turns taking 3-4 hour naps while the other watches the kids. For bringing up kids, I would recommend feeling the other partner out, at the very least after a few dates, if kids is something you want. I wasted 7 months in relationship before really finding out that my girlfriend had no interest in adopting/having kids. This was also in time where non-traditional parents raising kids was on tenuous legal grounds, which was a whole 'nother matter to take into consideration, and gay marriage was not even legal at the time. But that's a discussion for another time and place. In deciding to get married and having kids the old-fashioned way, that was the most important thing for me. On a different note, heading back to work sucks. I'll keep that advice in mind. Also, already? You really can't have a baby without the help of other members of the family here? (My Grandma also had to babysit me but I was at least 1 year old and a little more at that time). And also, if I remember correctly, a baby doesn't need breastfeeding after like 6 months (or maybe it's less?) so how can you feed your babies if you head back to work after only one month and 2 weeks. Unless, you already give the babybottle. 1 month is way too short. Edited December 12, 2016 by Nym Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rezzy Posted December 12, 2016 Author Share Posted December 12, 2016 I'll keep that advice in mind. Also, already? You really can't have a baby without the help of other members of the family here? (My Grandma also had to babysit me but I was least 1 year old and a little more at that time). And also, if I remember correctly, a baby doesn't need breastfeeding after like 6 months (or maybe it's less?)so how can you feed your babies if you head back to work after only one month and 2 weeks. Unless, you already give the babybottle. 1 month is way too short. We've got family members who help babysit. For feeding, there's pumping, so you can save milk for later, as well as supplementing with formula. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 (edited) Breastfeeding is always better than formula though, because it's healthier and most beneficial for the baby's immune system and such. Whatever immunities the mother has developed, she passes to the baby through her milk. But yeah, there's breast pumping and getting family to help too. Edited December 12, 2016 by Anacybele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rezzy Posted December 12, 2016 Author Share Posted December 12, 2016 Breastfeeding is always better than formula though, because it's healthier and most beneficial for the baby's immune system and such. Whatever immunities the mother has developed, she passes to the baby through her milk. But yeah, there's breast pumping and getting family to help too. We've tried to give Est has much breast milk as possible, but she sucks the dairy berries dry and is still hungry a lot of the time, so we have to give her formula to make up the difference. She drinks a lot more than Leo did. We had to force him to drink, when he was a newborn. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anacybele Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 (edited) Well, as long as she's still getting breast milk, that's absolutely fine. I just meant that a baby should at least get breast milk, not never have formula, my bad. This is my only real regret about deciding to adopt rather than have my own baby, in fact. That if I get a practically newborn baby, I can't breastfeed it. Edited December 12, 2016 by Anacybele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Res Posted December 12, 2016 Share Posted December 12, 2016 I don't respond to a pump. I tried different brands of pumps, different sized parts, etc. All it was was an expensive mistake. If I could have stayed home until 6 months I would've breastfed the whole time but the U.S. doesn't take that kind of situation into consideration. Niko actually refused the bottle for 6 weeks after I returned to work. My MIL would drive him to my work at lunchtime but otherwise he chose to go hungry rather than take anything from a bottle or spoon. I only pay my MIL $25/day now to look after my kids (used to pay her $50/day but she cut me a deal so I could try and pay off some of our debt). Working on 3-4 hrs of sleep sucks! We've tried to give Est has much breast milk as possible, but she sucks the dairy berries dry and is still hungry a lot of the time, so we have to give her formula to make up the difference. She drinks a lot more than Leo did. We had to force him to drink, when he was a newborn. Sounds a bit like my two! And yet Niko was still so much bigger... no idea where Anya packed all those calories away! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rezzy Posted January 22, 2017 Author Share Posted January 22, 2017 Got a baby that's leaked some bodily fluids onto his/her/your clothes and not sure what to do? Here's a handy guide.  Snot/Phlegm/Boogers: Wipe it off Spit-up: Wipe it off, if you're heading out, might want to change clothes Vomit: Change clothes and toss in the laundry Urine: Change clothes and toss in the laundry, might need a bath depending on severity Feces: Change clothes, toss in the laundry and start a load of laundry immediately, definitely need a bath Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nym Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 There's no way that she just did all of them at the same time, right? LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rezzy Posted January 22, 2017 Author Share Posted January 22, 2017 1 minute ago, Nym said: There's no way that she just did all of them at the same time, right? LOL Not all at once, but she has done 1,2, and 5 today, and Leo did 4 yesterday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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