The Eyerapage of Jarly; a nostalgic look back at a few months of suffering

[Nightmare]

In here, Furet and I will be mocking Jarly's story, THE RAID. I'll start.

The chilly winds of Yvia were known to be another fierce enemy for the human race. Aside from the many dangers that lurked in that frozen northern land, the weather was also a grave enemy to those brave adventures who dared to set foot in the forbidden land. With low temperatures reaching in the negative numbers most of the time, those who entered the land without the proper winter gear were as good as dead.

This is just boring and dumb, but wait for it...

But that was not the case with Rad Quetz, the mercenary had come well prepared to fend off even the most of dangerous monsters that lurked here. He was dressed in warm clothing that was not visible. All that was visible at the moment to any observer was a long, silver leather trenchcoat. Facing the brutal conditions of Yvia was no trouble for him, Rad had done it before, and so the mercenary knew how to come prepared every time he needed to come here. He felt very cozy under the anti-winter garments that he wore under the long coat. The weather here hardly did anything to put him off balance. Not even his cute looking, angelic young face showed the redness that some other human might of had shown under the brutal, wintery conditions.

First off, we are told how great Rad Quetz is because he is well prepared and dressed in warm clothing that isn't visible because it's under a long, silver leather trench coat. Then we, again, get told that facing the brutal conditions of Yvia is no trouble for him because Rad had done it before! For some reason, we are also told how Rad feels under his clothes. I don't know why this bit of personal information was disclosed, but I digress.

And again, we are told that the weather hardly did anything to put him off balance. Even his cute looking, ANGELIC young (this is important) face wouldn't turn red from the cold because he is just that perfect. Also take note of the phrase used here, "might of had." It will be seen again many times.

The white maned, bronze skinned and peculiar looking mercenary stood on top of a large boulder that showed the harsh elements of the land. With the boulder having being covered with snow, Rad had made sure not to slip off when he had jumped from the ground and up to it. Rad was short, measuring at the very most five-seven, but he made up for his lack of height with his girth. No, the merc was not fat, but rather broad looking and strong.

Good to know what he looks like. Also good to know that with one glance at a boulder, you can tell what the terrain in that area is like.

But! Rad does the impossible! He made sure that he will not slip when he jumped onto the boulder covered with snow! Then, for some reason, we get told that he was short. Just five foot seven...I wonder whose height is the exact same. And also, he made up for his lack of height with his girth.

Rad has one hell of a girth. It's (I'm assuming "merc" is used as a euphemism to avoid being rude) not fat! It's broad looking and STRONG.

From on top, the mercenary was able to take a good view of the scenery that this rough land offered. All he could see with his white orb eyes at the moment was the surrounding sea of tall pine trees, most of which were covered with snow. This frozen land was always covered with snow, element that made the land's floor loo like a pearly, white carpet.

Ok, excuse me for a second, but...white orb eyes? Pffff...hahahaha.

Alright we get it already. The land is cold and full of snow.

It had snowed a couple of days ago, and by hearing the chilly wind's wild whistling, Rad could tell that another nasty storm was on the way from the northern Yvian mountains.

Rad is so good he can tell if a storm's coming by just listening.

Perhaps this one would make its way out of Yvia and into Asaki territory, unlike the last storm which had barely reached the southern reaches of the cold realm. He grimaced at the thought, for he could very well take it, but he doubt it that the rest of his troops and the southerners that would meet him in brief moments would not. Rad shook his head, knowing that humans were very fragile. Unlike him, who was not human, they could not withstand many obstacles that life threw out at them.

Rad is so thoughtful of his puny bug underlings that cannot withstand ungodly storms and many obstacles. But wait...it says "but he doubt it that [...] would not" so...doesn't that mean they can take the storm? I'm confused.

UNLIKE HIM WHO WAS NOT HUMAN

Forgetting about the meeting with the southerners, his eyes took notice of the large mountains off in the distance to the north, their snow covered peaks just barely visible over the grayish sky and wintery conditions. Rad gazed grimly at the behemoth mountains, knowing that soon he would have to venture there, whether accompanied or alone.

All of these can really stand on their own but...this is just brilliant. In an instant, Rad forgets about his dear comrades and looks at over-described scenery. Exciting!

He preferred going alone, for that would save him the trouble of having to babysit those that went with him.

And now suddenly, Rad's an asshole.

"What, and babysit a bunch of human morons? Pfft!"

Rad moved faster alone. He kept his serious gaze on the mountains, for he was also discerning what was going on there at the moment. The mercenary could feel evil emanations, though these were weak. Still, he realized that the Elder council back in his land had been right. Soon the human realms would be covered in darkness and despair.

So strong is Rad that he can feel evil emanations from thousands of kilometres away. I don't even want to say anything about the human realms being covered in darkness and despair.

The mercenary jumped down from the boulder, knowing that the time for the meeting was close. He unbuttoned his trenchcoat and searched inside one of the two sacks he carried to his right side of the waist and brought out a small container that contained a potion of strength to invigorate both mind and body.

Oook...so why was he wearing the coat in the first place? Whatever. And of course Rad would be in possession of such a great potion.

To Rad's eyes, the liquid was of a light blue color.

"To Rad's eyes?" Does Rad see colours differently? Or is he colour blind? Or what? Ohhh wait, I get it. Rad's eyes are the perfect eyes, so of course he would be able to tell the true colours of things. Unlike us fragile humans.

He took the wooden cap off and began drinking it, knowing that it was more than necessary for what he was about to do next. Once he finished drinking the potion, Rad set the container back in the sack and then licked his lips.

Once he finished drinking the potion, Rad set the container back in the sack and then licked his lips.

This is important: he licked his lips!!

The potion had tasted like vanilla, a flavor that Rad really loved.

Good to know, I was dying to know if he's my type. And also dying to know what the potion tasted like but that's not as important.

Calling forth the magical aid of one of the many color-assorted rings he wore in his fingers

I didn't know Rad was also a surgeon. Implanting rings into your fingers sounds like dangerous work, not something a mere human can do, at least.

Rad then disappeared from view and started traveling through the very fabrics of time itself.

Incredible!

Traveling by those means required lots of body and mind strength, and so by having consumed the potion, Rad would be alright during this magical trip.

That's a relief.

Had he not gulped down the potion, his entire self would of had dissolved into nothingness as the extra-planar molecules would of had eaten him in a matter of seconds, like acid would eat just about anything.

But the potion was juuuuust enough to not let that happen!

Rad would not be late for the meeting with the southerners, and as he traveled, he hoped that the southerners would not be either, because he had other matters to attend to that were also very important.

This is also boring.

-XoX-

...Isn't this used to show kissing?

This is boring but it will get better next time, trust me!

[Parrhesia]

And I'm his counterpart, Furetchen. What I, in comparison, lack in intellect, I make up for in verve, smarm, chutzpah, moxie and several other thesaurusy words like that. I write a short thing I hope to get to become a decently novellish size, one day.

So far, the almighty and definitely not fat RAD QUETZ who is certainly not a sue at all has travelled across A COLD PLACE. He is also bling. And now to introduce SOME SECONDARY CHARACTERS!

The first thing I note is that Jarly's member title is

Greatest Mercenary Ever

To support this point...

"I hear he is the best asakian mercenary ever," said Bryn Zenith as she rode up front on the wagon with the guild leader herself. With a narked face, Toby Galatea, the leader of the White Rose Brigade, turned to stare at her best friend.

Well, whatever the fuck an asakian is, Hot Rad is one. This narks Toby to no end.

"I hear he is a laguz as well," Toby turned her attention to the dirt road. She had said it in a way that let her friend know how annoyed she now was, for Bryn had been saying this kind of stuff about the agent all trip long.

Wait, Toby's a chick? 'Kay...such a feminine name.

Bryn, grinning, nodded, for she, as always, had managed to annoy her friend, something that according to her she had been born to do.

Bryn quests to use all the commas the world has ever produced.

"Seriously?" the cute, long brown haired girl asked.

We know she's cute. It says so, like, right there.

At first glance, Bryn couldn't be past twenty years of age, but she was. She was actually twenty-three years of age, time had just passed her by without so much as making her look older than sixteen.

This is probably not going to stop everyone from wanting to sleep with her.

The same could be said for Toby Galatea. She was the taller of the two at six foot even and was also twenty-three years young, though a few months older than Bryn.

Crucial information, all. Also, 'years young'? I thought you could only say that if you were, like, ninety-four.

Toby's hair was medium length to the shoulders,

You just said it was long.

curly on the sides and she wore braces and glasses.

Toby only accepts the most practical of battlegear.

She was very pretty despite having thought the opposite about herself many times.

"I was just kidding, geez," Toby glanced at her friend and smiled. She could not remain annoyed or angry at Bryn for long, for they had been friends since they were kids. So close and sincere was their friendship that they both looked the other as a sister, and they both knew that, making their friendship bond stronger and special.

Keeping the Yuri Fandrogyni in the thread.

Aside from all that, Toby knew that Bryn was just as curious as the rest of the group to meet this figure who had made a name for himself maintaining the forces of evil at bay from Yvia.

"Fuck the mission, this new guy sounds hot."

In real life, both girls had no parents nor any kind of family left whatsoever. In one foul, tragic night, the friends had lost family and friends in a monster raid. From there on, Toby and Bryn, young Broahn girls who had been nine years old at the time, swore to protect those who could not protect themselves, such as their family and friends had not been able to do that tragic night. That tragic night was always with them, always in their minds, though the girls had learnt to keep the pain at bay, their memories sealed in the deepest hideouts of their hearts.

SYMPATHY TWINGE! TITO, ROLL THE TWIN PEAKS THEME!

"It's getting chillier," Bryn protested and hugged herself, making Toby forget about the past, which she had been reliving.

Toby is easily distracted by potential selfcest.

Bryn, as well as Toby, was wearing anti-winter clothing

Emblazoned with the slogan, "FUCK HAIL".

but the chilly wind that suddenly whistled by had penetrated deep into her bones, reminding the cadet ranked girl where exactly they were. So had Toby felt the coldness, and she knew that they were merely a few miles away from the Yvian border, so that's why it was cold. The leader just never imagined it could feel this cold. The northern parts of Asaki in no way compared to the frigid temperatures of Yvia, yet since they shared a border, the frigid temperatures from Yvia and many of its nasty winter storms always made the trips into Asakian territory.

...Is Yvia cold? I get the feeling it's kinda cold.

"We are getting close to the border," Toby told her, feeling good since she wore gloves that covered her hands.

"Fuck yeah. I got gloves, bitch."

"That decrepit fort should be around here somewhere. Look for it, Bryn."

The mercenary gal

who usually preferred the term 'sellsword ho',

started doing so, glancing to the sides while she kept her hands inside her jacket's pockets, which afforded her little, if not any, comfort from the cold wind despite the wool-made gloves doing their job on her hands.

Braces, glasses, now a jacket. I'm not even going to get into 'woolmade gloves doing their job on her hands.' That's just TOO easy a target.

The girls did not ride alone on this trip. Behind them was another wagon, and behind this one rolled on the last of the trio of wagons. Behind the primary wagon rode Lisa Hoopia, a tall, short-haired blonde girl from the realm of Broah. She was in charge of the culinary objects and food. Although she was a cheerful girl, she rode alone, but behind her white-flapped wagon rode three more girls on another. Beautiful young girls that went by the names of Nancy Shoemakur, Kristi Hizer and Gen Hui, all under the service of the White Rose Brigade, a guild that had started making a new for itself several years ago. Two of those girls were brunettes, Nancy and Gen. Nancy wore her hair short and and she had light skin. Gen, on the other hand, had long, dark hair that ran all the way down to her waist, though at the moment she wore a large ponytail. She was short in stature, probably five-two at the very most, and she was dressed in her land's typical girlish outfit, an outfit that was meant to keep the cold out. The outfit resembled a long robe, but her's was two-piece. Underneath the long dark coat, which ran down to her buttocks and ended in a W, the girl also wore dark, tight pants and short, dark leathery boots. Her eyes were small and slanted-like, making her already beautiful face stand out even more. Gen was Cheery as well, but she fell short when compared to Lisa, who could be even cheerful enough in dire situations.

Kristi Hizer wore her hair fairly short and of a pink color. She was two inches taller than Gen and her skin was somewhat of a peachy color. She was a prodigy, so she could do that kind of stuff with her hair, she always did when she grew bored of a particular color. Nancy was the only girl from Vanezia, while Kristi was from Broah. Gen was the only Asakian in the group, and the youngest of them all at fifteen. She was serving as a guide as well, for the Vanezian Brigade did not know the land well, it was their first time stepping on the land of Asaki, the land of dreams.

To be honest, Gen knew little about the northern parts of Asaki, the girl had grown up in a cottage farm to the south of Asaki, near a port town called Port Xin. Toby had sent her to ride in the back with the other girls since she would not be of any use to them in the front wagon. Not that it bothered the leader in the least that the fifteen year old Asakian be riding with them, but Gen was excellent with a bow and would serve a better purpose in the rear if the group was attacked. Toby and Bryn could very well cover the front, and Lisa, the cook, could very well handle covering the middle. Aside from being the group's cook, Lisa was also part mage and fighter. She could wield an axe just as good as she could call forth a small fire ball that could kill a being.

OH MY FUCKING GOD SOMEONE JUST SHOOT ME THROUGH THE FUCKING FACE ALREADY

"Wait up, boss," suddenly Bryn said, noticing some old fort in the distance to her right. "I think I see something."

The old garrison was barely visible to her who was sitting. Keeping calm but with her spirits soaring high because of the news, Toby glanced at Bryn who had stood up, perhaps to take a better look.

Keep calm, but FUCK YEAH OLD FORT

Indeed, Bryn had stood up to make sure it was the old fort that the Asakian contractor had described to them back in the guild in Vanezia.

We still know nothing about any of these locations. Save Yvia is cold. That's a big one.

"It is, that's the fort. There are many bushes and trees surrounding it, just like Miria Wong said. So that's gotta be it, right?"

Little-known fact; when you aren't looking, guardhouses will attack and kill all trees in the area. However, it is only under the supervision of a guard that they can be made to begin the rampage. Evidently this guardhouse has been dead for some time.

"We shall take a look," Toby nodded, knowing that it had to be the fort they were looking for. She only hoped that the agent would be there already, otherwise, she'd hate to wait for him to arrive.

"It has to be. Like, there are trees over there. And it's cold."

Something about this new land had the White Rose Brigade leader restless

We still dunno who the White Rose actually are.

, and that was something unusual for her to feel since she rarely felt uneasy. Still, keeping as calm as she could, Toby directed the horses and the rest of the group toward the now visible fort in the distance.

Oh, it wasn't previously visible? Is Bryn a psychic?

There was no road for the group to follow, but the terrain all around them was flat, with little or no specks of bushes and grasses here and there, not to mention a few boulders. There were also trees of assorted colors and taller pine trees that dwarfed most of these trees, but the wagons could easily maneuver around them, for they were separated by large gaps of about twenty and sometimes thirty or more feet. Staring at the trees around them, Bryn wondered why there were no chirps coming from birds or other aerial creatures.

Such as flying squirrels, which I understand frequent cold locations.

She wondered whether that had anything to do with how cold it actually felt up here in northern Asaki.

-XoX-

Die.

[Parrhesia]

Normally I'd hand over the reigns to Nightmare, but there's an upcoming chapter he's taken a, ah, liking to. Don't expect the things to be consistent. At all. So, Chapter Three: I Included Some of You Guys, Please Don't Hurt Me.

The village of Hao-Yin had withstood numerous monster attacks over the years. But lately, the attacks had gotten worse and graver. Even with several platoons of elite Asakian guards deployed in the area, villagers, innocents that could not defend themselves, were dying or disappearing in major numbers during the raids, and there was nothing these forces could do to prevent it.

Man, I'd hate to see what entry-level Asakian soldiers are like.

The danger was high, the monster attacks imminent day and night, and many of the inhabitants of the northern village were in fear and planning to abandon the village. But few villagers thought differently. An insignificant number of villagers, those that loved the town too much to forsake it, thought that someone had to do something about the situation.

"Someone has to do something! Someone! Out there! Somewhere!" "Couldn't we, like, form a militia or something? We could get the guards to help too, I mean, they're kinda failing and they want some hardcore guard cred." "That's crazy talk."

The people of Hao-Yin, a mix of Asakians and other people from the other realms, had lived without fear ever since the village had been erected fifteen years ago. But back then, the danger was not as high as it was now. Back then, everything was peaceful. Back then, humans were able to hold the frontier from monster and beastly attacks with ease. Not anymore. The settlers of Hao-Yin knew something odd was going on lately within the realm of ever-cold.

Wait, wait wait wait. Slow down. Rewind.

Is it cold on the Asaki border?

For indeed, something sinister had to be driving the monsters mad and make them attack consecutively and at random intervals. It had not been like this before, so something was amiss.

That's the first sign of an insane monster uprising, organisation.

Also, I love how it's a new concept that they attack at 'random intervals'. Guards just gotta set their alarms (c'mon, it's a world with glasses and braces here) for six thirty to catch the biweekly spontaneous orc assault...

In their dark hours of despair, the villagers embraced the help that began to arrive from all parts of the continent. Still, eventhough the village and its surroundings had been re-enforced with Asakian guards and mercenaries that arrived day by day to answer the threat,

'Cause mercenaries are all about civic duty am I right

many of the villagers felt as if they had the need to abandon the village. They were simply not safe anymore. Even many of the tough seasoned fighters that had arrived throughout the passage of time of this crisis, had suffered a nasty death at the hands of the monsters. What chance, then, did villagers and farmers stand?

As opposed to a pleasant death. GOOD MORROW, MAY I TEAR YOUR INSIDES OUT?

Many of these villagers and their families thought that they were better off somewhere else, away from all this trouble.

Really?

And so even now that help arrived day by passing day, still villagers were leaving, because nothing truly change. Blood kept spilling and spilling and many believe that it would only get worse. Many rumors had started circulating amongst the people that all this had to do with judgment day. The village of Hao-Yin would simply be the beginning of it all.

Anyone else could sum all of those paragraphs up in like two sentences.

Like, "The monsters were attacking. Rumours spread like wildfire of apocalypse and Ragnarok as hired blades flooded to the town of whogivesafuck to pay for their renown in battle."

Something like that. And that sucked.

"There goes another caravan," Rhaan Merces

Proof that this fic has ruined lives.

, a lengthy, brown haired mercenary noted that chilly afternoon. He was wearing a dark purplish robed outfit, with many insignias sewn to it. The robe's dark purple color

Is the robe dark purple? Thanks for the reminder. It's only been half a sentence.

made his pale skin stand out. Rhaan, owner of a set of blue eyes,

Deluxe, premium-grade blue eyes, only three bucks for the pair, last guy got hit by a truck. Take a chance.

took a good stare in an attempt to count how many inhabitants had departed in that small caravan. Seven was the lucky number, an entire family and one that he had grown quite fond of during his three month stay in the village.

...What?

He had enjoyed the presence of that family simply because one of the parent's daughter had caught his eye, and a woman rarely caught his attention.

Evidently Jarly just chucks in the names without factoring in anything else about the person in question.

Rhaan at the moment stood near the outer walls of a brick-made house, reclined and with his right elbow set on top of barrel's top, his hairless face showing a smile as if the man was truly enjoying the spectacle. Sure, the family he liked most in the village had opted to leave, there was nothing he could do about it, really. He knew that perhaps going after this caravan and ask the father if he could speak with his daughter was just absurd. Smiling, Rhaan knew that tomorrow would bring something new for him, it always did. And the fair-face man knew that there would be other times when he could meet a new girl. So the merc simply stood staring at the departing set of wagons.

Mmmmmm, tastes like communion wafers.

Next to the cheery sage merc

Apart from the morose boding and stuff, he is indeed quite cordial.

stood a shorter, blondish boy who could not be more than twelve years of age.

Twelve-year old mercenaries. Riiiiight.

His name was Chaz Wiler.

Does this explain Rein's disappearance for...however long it was? Was he battling his way out of terrible fiction?

With a huge dark Killer bow strapped across his back

Longbowmen START training at, like, nine. No, no...gotta be fair to him. I'm sure he'll be historically accurate here and this dude won't even be able to string the fuck'n' thing.

as well as his brown-leathered quiver of arrows, Chaz glanced past Rhaan's broad shoulders to take a look at the departing set of wagons. His friend was right, it appeared that another group of villagers had decided to abandon the village.

"Do they do the right thing, Rhaan?" the wily boy stared at the sage, whom he looked up to.

Wily? Sounds kinda gormless, so far.

Rhaan did not bother to look at him, but he did answer.

"As things are at the moment, yes. These non-fighting people belong in an area where there is no trouble, especially the kids."

Chaz spat on the dirty ground underneath him, not taking offense at Rhaan's words. Chaz was a kid still, but in a sense, he had lived too much and was mature enough to fight like a grown man. He was not good with a bow, he was great! That is why he had managed to make the group of three that had come with Rhaan from south Asaki.

Sure, with a bow made out of sticks and twine I'm sure a twelve year old can be a fuckin' killing machine against imaginary soldiers.

The other two mercs were out on patrol at the moment, accompanying a platoon of Asakian soldiers.

These two plus the other two equals...three?

There were always several patrol units of ten patrolling the surrounding areas of the village. To the west of the village was a large forest, but no threat came from there. The real threat came from up north, from behind the border, from the cold realm of Yvia.

Hold on, wait.

You are telling me

that Yvia

is

a cold place.

Got it. Thanks for the clarification.

Having grown bored of staring at villagers, Rhaan started walking away towards the outside of town. Seeing this, Chaz started after him, not even asking a word. Wherever his boss went, the kid was sure to follow because of his compulsive demeanor.

and, no doubt, his most loquacious anxieties. How much d'you want to bet he just flicked at random through a dictionary and found the longest words on any given page?

"Stay put, Chaz," Rhaan suddenly said, after he heard the kid's footsteps behind him. "I am just gonna take a look over here."

Nodding, Chaz stopped and saw his role-model go away. The twelve year old spat at the ground again and turned back to return to his post.

This is the most naively jaded pre-teen I've ever seen.

Okay, that was terrible. STAY TUNED GUYS FOR NEXT TIME...THE INTRODUCTION OF SEAN STORM!

[eclipse]

Can I jump in?

[lolDeath]

lol, fucking <3

[Nightmare]

AND NOW WHAT YOU ALL HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR:

THE EPIC TALE OF SEAN STORM

The sun was still visible to the young, blonde couple.

They're both blonde, got it?

Staring to the east, glancing at the clouds and the sun, Sean Storm kept his cool while his girlfriend rode beside him, holding his gloved hand.

Sean Storm hates his girlfriend.

As any other traveler in that part of the region was doing lately, so too had Sean and Alexis equipped themselves good with anti-winter clothing.

Like everyone else in the story.

Alexis even wore a self-made scarf, and Sean did too, one that she had made for him before they had departed from the capital of Asaki; Kikure.

This would be romantic if Sean Storm didn't hate his girlfriend.

They were close to arriving the village known as Hao-Yin, a village that had pleaded for help to every realm's guilds and contract houses many weeks ago.

Not important.

Sean and his lovely girlfriend were here to answer that call, just as Sean was sure many other mercenaries and hired blades had done so already.

Take note: she's lovely. As is every other girl introduced so far.

"Oh, I always find the setting of the sun quite beautiful," Sean explained to his girlfriend when he turned to face her to his right and noticed that she had been eyeing him curiously. "I never tend to miss one."

Sean Storm loves his girlfriend?

Nodding, Alexis said. "But it cannot compare to the rising of the sun. With it, the sun starts every creature's new day and brings hope to everyone."

Sean did not disagree.

Sean Storm is an agreeable person.

He noted then that up ahead a small caravan of two wagons was coming their way. He maneuvered his team of two horses to move to the right, to give the oncoming caravan ample space to go through undisturbed.

Sean Storm is a real gentleman.

As the caravan approached, Sean and his girlfriend realized it was another family.

Sean Storm is very perceptive.

The man holding the horses' reins nodded at him and tipped his straw hat with his left hand, probably because of Alexis' presence aboard the wagon. Sean, courteously as always, nodded back with a smile, as did Alexis.

Sean Storm is very courteous.

"They leave," Alexis reasoned when the caravan passed them.

His girlfriend is dumb, though.

"Things might be a little grimmer than we believed, then," Sean said, as if it did not matter.

Sean Storm is very carefree.

He concentrated his set of blue eyes on the village ahead, which they were getting closer to.

The same brand as the eyes Rhaan bought, no doubt. Also, how do you even concentrate eyes?

"Perhaps it is the best thing to do, dear," said Alexis.

His girlfriend has no idea what she's saying. And we have no idea, either.

"Indeed, hon. Hell, if I was no fighter but a simply farmer or fisherman, like these folks of Asaki are, then I would flee as well. Family comes first, in my opinion anyway." Alexis rose her eyebrows and simply stared ahead.

Sean Storm has a freaking weird choice of words.

Five minutes later, they were about to enter through the southern entrance. Sean noticed a tall, brown haired young man dressed in a dark purple outfit standing outside of the entrance. He carried no weapons and was staring towards the east, just to where the sun was beginning to set behind the Broahn mountains in the east. After seeing the many insignias he wore on his robed outfit, Sean realized that the man had to know about magic. His outfit was no magicians robe, if it was, Sean realized it must of had been custom made. It looked gorgeous on the wearer.

Sean Storm is about to cheat on his girlfriend.

"Is he a wizard?" Alexis asked, having contemplated the youngster as well.

I swear he has no idea what "contemplated" even means.

Hearing her, brought an air of hope to Sean. Wizards, mages and sages, or any kind of magic user for that matter, was always a good friend to have in a situation such as dire as this one. Magic users packed a punch, but their weakness was the time they needed to cast their spells. If nobody gave them protection, they were vulnerable to melee attacks. However, when given their time, any good magic user could well devastate an entire army with a few spells.

Sean Storm is easily swayed.

Just then, the figure turned towards them, Sean and Alexis noticing his smile.

"Good day," the man said in a polite tone. Sean stopped the wagon.

"Well met, friend. Are you a mercenary?"

Sean Storm makes friends easily.

The young man did not answer right away, rather Sean noticed that he took the time to study them both well, especially Alexis.

After about thirty seconds, the young man nodded and asked. "Are you?"

Sean Storm is still perceptive.

Sean showed a smile and said, "Yes. I am Sean Storm, of house Storm in Vanezia. This is my girlfriend Alexis, we are both at your disposal."

Sean Storm is a freaking whore. And so is his girlfriend.

Also, Sean Storm apparently keeps a smile with him at all times, so he can show them in emergencies like this one.

"We are here to aid this village," Alexis added, smiling joyously.

Phew, I was worried there for a second. Thanks for confirming that her smile is joyous.

The man shared a smile with her and introduced himself.

Ohhh, so Rhaan and Sean Storm buy eyes and smiles from the same place. How do they not know each other then?

"Here, have some of my smile."

"Why thank you!"

"Rhaan...of house Merces of..."

Sean noticed the man took a good view to the inside of their wagon and did not finish what he was going to say.

Sean Storm is perceptive as always.

Since he was tall and lean as Sean himself was

Sean Storm is a stud.

the mercenary that had come from Kikure with his girlfriend alongside knew that the youngster was able to see what was on board.

This sentence is a mess!

The robed man smiled and said with a cheery tone. "I see you are well armed, friend. Brought plenty of weapons and food, eh?"

Man, if someone this nosey was nosing around in my wagon, I would punch him in the dick.

"I like to be well armed in these...troublesome situations," Sean answered with a cheery smile of his own, though wondering why the man had not included his realm of birth in his introduction.

Sean Storm is a cheerful person.

House Cerces

So now it's Cerces?

Sean thought rapidly, though he was unable to come up with any clear conclusions as to what realm did that house name belong to.

Sean Storm is a rapid thinker.

He had never heard of it in Vanezia, and the name did not even sound from any of the other two realms.

Sean Storm is a moron who hears things wrong.

Just then, Sean's thoughts were disrupted when the cheerful fellow spoke again.

What good timing for a reminder. I keep thinking Rhaan is a morbid and brooding fellow.

"I am sure the people of Hao-Yin, the few that are left that is, will welcome you with open arms. Go on in, friends, get settled down. This night, I fear, will bring us another monster attack."

Inviting people to a village that's not even your own? Wow, talk about rudeness.

Sean rose his hand at him

Sean Storm knows how to raise his hand at people.

as if waving him off politely, then proceeded to get the horses and the wagon moving, even though he knew right away that Alexis had gotten scared after hearing the man say that.

Sean Storm can tell when people are scared.

Off to the right of the road, Rhaan watched them enter the village, feeling glad that at least two fighters had replaced the family that had left. Things were beginning to look up again. But his worry was not the monster attack, no, the clever sage wondered where that peculiar looking white-maned mercenary had gone off to.

THE GLORIOUS RETURN OF RAD QUETZ!

Rad was his name, he knew, for he had even talked with the young man several times and he had introduced himself to him just as Rhaan had done so with him in return.

This is important information. Don't forget any of it.

They had shared strategy plans and had even fought alongside several nights weeks ago.

I never knew you could fight alongside nights. I should try it sometime.

As he turned again to stare to the east, the sun now beginning to disappear behind the mountains, Rhaan wondered whether the young mercenary had decided to tuck tail and run.

Such blasphemous thoughts about the great Rad Quetz.

He laughed when he imagined the guy doing that, though that laugh ended in a snap when he realized that perhaps Rad Quetz would not be here any longer to assist the village.

Glad to see he realized it himself.

Also, he's right about that. Rad would rather attend to personal matters and time surfing rather than help innocent people in dire need of Gary Stus mercenaries.

Perhaps, if the white-maned merc had really left, he had done the wisest thing, like that other family that he had seen leaving had done so. But Rhaan, as well as the rest of the villagers and soldiers were going to sorely miss him, for the guy actually had fought well-balanced

What a great man, all will miss his company.

and could handle two blades unlike anyone he had ever seen before.

Yes...he can handle two "blades" with extreme proficiency.

"God bless you, lad," Rhaan said aloud, referring to the merc who had fought alongside him. "If you did leave, live a long life and be happy, bed many woman and have many children, just in case I don't get that chance."

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Excuse me.

What? This guy left you and others to die and you wish him to have a happy life and "bed many women" (one of Jarly's fantasies, I bet) and "have many children" (another one), and what's that last line?

"Just in case I don't get that chance."

Oh my God, how does this even make sense? You're asking him to have sex in your place?

Closing his eyes, Rhaan sighed away his anguish and decided that it was time to head back into the center of the village, where as of late, everyone; villagers and soldiers, were spending the night huddled together.

Rhaan decided to join the sinful orgy.

Rhaan had to speak with Chaz, Karino and his pupil Luigi, whom he had enlisted lastly to his small band.

Luigi?!

He never passed a night without giving them instructions on what they were to do to assist him if a raid actually came.

How selfish of him.

Feeling the cold wind that howled as he walked in, Rhaan could almost feel the attack coming.

Rhaan also seems to have extraordinary abilities.

-XoX-

Stop kissing me.

What we learned from this chapter:

Sean Storm suffers from acute schizophrenia.

Sean Storm is a God damn psychopath.

May Sean be with you all.

[eclipse]

Got permission to jump in, so here I go! Some other. . .people might jump into this part. Pay them little heed.

The lead wagon stopped just about twenty feet from the old garrison. Seeing this action from their leader, Lisa and Nancy also stopped their wagons.

I can imagine a line on the ground that says "Twenty feet from the garrison". A little further, and you'll see goal posts and bleachers.

Up front, they saw their leader jump off the wagon's front end.

Disembarking is for mortals! Fear the jumping powers of these characters!

Bryn followed her momentarily. Lisa did the same then, as did the other three gals, though Lisa took the liberty to walk to the back of her wagon and search for her mighty companion.

YURI ALERT! PAY ATTENTION ALL YE HORNY GUYS!

She reached with her long arm for Ygdra, the two-headed axe that could tear anything apart, even stone.

Yggdra: The fuck did she do to me?

Me: Not you, Princess!

Lisa's long arms going for a two-headed axe that tears stuff (as opposed to, well, chopping stuff) can only mean one thing: TENTACLE YURI HENTAI! (does this even exist?)

The tall, black-cinderblock made building stood like a towering giant in front of them. The color of it would give any starer a shiver, and the dark gray clouds that traveled slowly toward the south up in the sky added to that dark effect perfectly.

Black. Dark. Dark. Just makin' sure you get this, reader.

Even Toby, the leader of this group of girls, felt uneased by the fort's darkened look. Kioko Fort was the name of this place. It had served the Asakians great over the span of time, but now it was abandoned. Seeing that the fort was not in bad shape, Toby had to wonder why it would be empty now.

Kyoko: THE FUCK DID HE DO TO MY NAME?!

Me: Last I checked, you were the school nurse from hell, not a fort.

This dark, black, dark fort USED TO serve Asakians? BTW, why can this nation's name be translated to "morning tree"? An allusion to morning wood?

As the other four girls reunited with the leader and her lieutenant, they noticed that everything around the garrison was quiet. Not even a bird's chirp could be heard, nor a cricket's noisy singing.

Perfect! Let's start the porno music!

"Should we go inside?" Bryn asked the leader, feeling the coldness of the wind, which had picked up a little. It stung their belle faces and the girls had started to develop the redness of its cold effects.

Apparently belle faces get red when it gets cold, unlike Rad's cute, angelic, young face. Glad to see you're not on the same goddamn high horse as him.

Toby stood staring at the fort, investigating every nook and cranny. The agent was nowhere to be seen, but the leader thought that perhaps he was waiting for them inside. After all, the region was cold as hell was sure to be hot. If the agent had felt the cold as they were sure experiencing it now, he had gone inside where without a doubt it would be a little warmer.

Um, I take that back. Instead, you have the special ability to examine everything from where you're standing. Including the back of the fort and the shanty in which Rad is no doubt pleasuring himself.

"Regular procedure," Toby nodded, starting forward, though she had unbuttoned her coat so that her right hand was able to reach for her faithful broad sword. The others, seeing this action coming from their leader, did likewise, while Kristi Hizer prepared a quick offensive spell in case she needed to cast it.

Did they just read the above comment, and strip in preparation for the orgy? I think I'd like this imagery better if I was a guy. . .but I'm not.

On the group of six girls headed, maintaining an inverted V formation, their wily leader leading them on bravely.

Inverted V for. . .ooh, wily and brave leader! Who else could lead these belle-faced chicks into the dark fort except a wily and brave leader?

The fort's huge thick wooden door was still intact, though several of the girls noticed that erosion was beginning to do its part on it from the top. At the moment, the two-halves door was semi opened, a sign that perhaps let thoughtful Bryn know that the agent had gone inside.

If I knew what these doors were, I'd SO have my Lemmings walk into them!

Oh, the mercenary girl thought. I want to meet him now.

I hate it when the author proves me right.

The group came into a large, rectangular room, which had no roof of any kind. It was just the fort's front yard, where without a doubt provisions and weapons were kept.

This is a roofless front yard of a fort IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMEPLACE COLD and you're keeping provisions and weapons in this open space? No wonder it's abandoned!

This, the group knew to be true when they noticed old crates and barrels along the sides of the walls, some battered, some intact but all empty.

I swear I am not reading ahead as I comment!

They also noticed how well made was the fort from within. Up on top of the walls were catwalks that afforded fighters to stand at and fire off perhaps arrows or magic. The corners of the fort also ended in watch towers.

In this sentence, "well made" means "generic".

Bryn Zenith, by staring intently on to the watch tower to the right, noticed that a huge ballista still stood in its place there.

Bryn, having never seen the male anatomy, had to stare at the huge thing before her to--oh, wait, it's a huge ballista that requires much staring in order to see.

She had fired ballistas before, when Toby and she had been training under the tutelage of Wist Crogg, a famed mercenary that had a guild in the capital of Vanezia. Wist had been the girl's first ever teacher. They had abandoned his guidance a few years ago, when Wist had taught them all that was needed to be taught to a mercenary wanna-be. The merc leader had let them know that they were well prepared now and could start their own guild, just as it had been the girl's primary goal to do so.

Paging Wist. . .paging Wist. . .you know everything.

All of sudden, Bryn abandoned her pondering to pay attention to Toby, who spoke in a low tone.

"He is nowhere to be seen. Perhaps he is waiting within the rooms to the sides. We split up. Bryn?"

"Uh huh?" Bryn instantly paid attention for instructions that were coming.

At the rate you guys are going, Rad's gonna die of boredom.

Toby turned to look at her and ordered. "Take Gen and Lisa with you and look in the right side rooms. I'll take Nancy and Krista with me, and do be careful."

-"Its Kristi, boss," Came Kristi's sweet voice from behind. "Kristi Hizer, 'member?"

"Krista suits you better," Toby turned and smiled at her, just to settle her prodigy down. In truth, Toby liked calling her servants anything that she thought fitted them better than their usual names. They had no trouble with that since Toby also let them call her whatever they wished.

"Fine," Kristi decided, nodding. "Krista it is, your majesty."

Wily and brave Toby can't seem to get her underling's names right. Someone lied in her description! Since Toby doesn't mind being called random things. . .her name is now Bob the Butch.

"Okay, enough of the chit-chat," Toby looked upon Kristi's beautiful face. "Lets find the agent and be on our way. I just want to leave this place and make it to Hao-Yin as soon as possible. This place gives me the creeps."

"And me," Kristi agreed with Toby's reasoning.

"I third that," laughed Gen while raising her hand. Toby glanced at her.

Oh gosh, I called it. I totally called it.

"Anyone feels like fourthing it?" Toby said with her voice a little higher than usual. Nobody said nothing. "Alright, then, let us proceed with our mission, ladies."

No you idiot, that means someone said something, and you didn't bother to put it down!

All of a sudden, a fair voice was heard from somewhere on top the catwalks, a male's voice that said:

"No need to go looking for me, I am here."

Stunned and caught off guard, the entire group glanced all around them in an attempt to find this man.

Let's add fair to the long list of adjectives that describe Rad, along with hard-to-find, even by wily and brave Bob the Butch's standards.

-XoX-

That's what your readers look like after having to wade through that.

Edited November 15, 2010 by eclipse

[Parrhesia]

I'm still here, and I still hate everything.

Rad Quetz had seen the wagons when they were arriving closely to the garrison, though the young man had decided to keep his secrecy behind the open doors of the garrison. He even had seen them jump off the wagons.

He's just that good at sight.

"All girls?" he had asked himself when he had noticed that indeed all of the newcomers were females. "Damn you, Miria."

"At last I can get some decent pussy, and I'm sharing this story with like five other schmucks? No, wait, I'm far hotter than all of them. My blubbery sexiness will flood over them, mm-hmm."

Smiling because of his friend's wily joke on him, Rad had decided to head on to the top of the catwalks and let the girls come in and find him.

'Cause they have nothing better to do than find this guy they've ever seen before. ...Wait, they actually don't. Holy fuck.

He sort of wanted to test their courage. So he took a seat on the left side ledge of the left side watch tower, hiding well behind the shadows that the tower afforded him.

Moments later, he heard them approaching the entrance and nodded, knowing that they at least had courage to come in and investigate, whereas some other squad might of had turned tail and run at the sight of the abandoned fort. Rad knew several groups that had actually done that before, one of these groups had included a relative of his.

That relative was called Biff, Biff Quetz. Nobody mentions "The Fort Incident" at Thanksgiving when Biff's around.

From the shadows he saw the girls make their way in, and he heard them talking lowly. Still, with his kin ears

SUE POWER OF...LAZY TYPO HEARING

Rad was able to hear everything they said. So when the mercenary heard that they planned to split up in an attempt to find him, the merc decided to show himself. After all, he did not want them to think he had been playing a game with them by hiding and they seeking.

Rad 'Two-Ton' Quetz is a gentleman at heart.

-XoX-

I feel dead inside.

Lisa was the one who made out the figure first when he jumped out of the watch tower and on to the catwalk. The blonde girl couldn't help but grimace, just as the other five girls did when they saw that the young man had actually not opted to land on the catwalk, rather he had opted to land way at the bottom of the ground where they stood. The fall would surely not kill him, it was about thirty feet high, but his legs would feel the worst of it. Lisa smiled when the young man did not reach the ground, rather he had sustained himself in mid-air about ten feet afore landing. A gravitational spell of some kind, she realized, beaming at the astute man's trick. Kristi growled off to the side when Bryn applauded and shouted. "Impressive!"

Hearing her, a smiling Gen turned to look at the pink haired magician and laughed. Kristi glanced at her and rose an eyebrow.

"I know," Gen said lowly with her Asakian accent, leaning towards her. "You can also pull off something like that, huh?"

Who are these people? Oh, yeah, those chicks whose descriptions I kinda BLAAAAAAHND over.

"You bet your little Asakian ass I can," Kristi sounded more than disgusted, though Gen knew that she was actually kidding, acting as if she really was mad.

Aw, c'mon. This is just too easy.

In truth, the prodigy always was amazed at any fine display of magic, however, this agent had done so without the use of a magical stone. At least Kristi had been sharp enough with her eyes to catch that. She said nothing, though, only stood straight like the rest of them were.

The group of girls saw the young man approaching them then, when he had at last fallen down to the ground and landed swiftly without an injury. They all liked what they saw then, and so did Rad, who smiled at them.

But not as easy as these generichicks, apparently. ...Wait, they keep getting referred to as 'girls'...

STEP AWAY FROM THE VAN!

There was a brief moment of silence between them all as the girls looked at him and Rad stared back. To them, the young man looked normal, except his white hair, which really stood out. His eyes, a set of orbs of a glimmering light brown to them, almost matched the color of his light tanned skin. In his real persona, Rad was owner of a set of white orbs, but an enchanted ring he wore made sure that humans saw brown orbs instead, so they would not be thrown off with his appearance. His name, Rad thought, was enough to make people question the nature of his true origin. But Rad never liked using other aliases. In his 4210 years of existence, he had always been Rad Quetz and nothing else.

Someone put me out of my misery. This is too painful.

The most amazed of the girls with Rad was Bryn, who had imagined Rad to be many different possibilities. However, none of those images she had painted of him while she had been traveling on the wagon turned out to be accurate. For one thing, she had never imagined that the agent could have white hair, but he did. Also, he was short and stocky, and Bryn had envisioned him as tall, with noble clothing and shorter hair of a dark color. He seemed manly, maturely, and that was enough for Bryn, who loved men that seemed mature, not childish. Oh, she was sure he was younger than her, but still, he looked very mature. Rad noticed her smile and the way she looked at him with her brown eyes. No, Rad had not turned out to be any of those models she had envisioned, rather he had turned out to be more than she had expected. A lot more. There was an eccentric air about him, and that made Bryn like him much the more.

OH MY FUCKING GOD PLEASE LET THIS END

To the mercenary's reasoning, as he stood there watching them, they were all very beautiful, not to mention very brave and young as himself. However, even being beautiful and all as they were, they could not compare to the owner of his heart back in Dragonia. Rad was about to slip off into a reverie of past memories, though it abruptly ended when the tallest of the girls spoke.

THERE IS NO HIGHER POWER

"Are you our agent?"

She was the leader, Rad knew right away, and he noticed what she had asked. She was clever, but Rad, smiling, knew that every good leader was.

This is a little early to be passing judgement on someone's leadership capabilities. After all, she did lead them through a place that may or may not have been cold, just to find some fat old guy with a dumb name.

She had not asked him if he was Rad Quetz,

Because that's a ridiculous name.

the name that Miria delivered to them back in Vanezia. Rather the girl had asked him if he was simply their agent, a man they were suppose to meet with here. Rad believed that the girl was thinking that perhaps anyone would of had answered; "Yes, I am Rad Quetz," when in fact, that someone could turn out not to be this Rad Quetz. So she had let him introduce himself to them all, and he did.

Nodding, Rad answered, "Yes, that'd be me. My name is Rad Quetz. I believe you are the group that Miria, my associate, sent?"

If someone says the words 'Rad' or 'Quetz' again I'm going to kill someone.

Satisfied with the information, Toby smiled, for indeed, what Rad had thought of her had been on the mark. It was not that she did not trust him, but a clever leader was always on the safe side this way, by sticking to their code of conduct. The brave leader had also taken into consideration how the young man had presented himself to them. He had introduced his name to them, to let them know that he was indeed Rad Quetz,

AARGHH

the man they had come to meet and no other.

"We are," Toby said, and eased her hand off the hilt of her weapon, her eyes staring blankly at the many rings she made out in the fine man's fingers. Rad did not even appear to have noticed her hand near her weapon, but he had, though the clever mercenary had known that she had put the hand there as a safety measure, not because she meant to strike him dead. He had also noticed that they seemed perplexed at the many rings he wore. He caught a pink-haired girl staring intently at the necklaces he wore. Only a few of many were visible to them, yet Rad could perceive that the pink-haired girl

The pink-haired girl has no name besides 'the pink-haired girl'.

wanted to take a good measure of them all, as if trying to discern what purpose they served. "Your associate came to our guild and contracted our service, " Toby Galatea added, lifting her stare to match his own. " She told us that Hao-Yin is in trouble. We are here to assist its people and anybody else involved."

Rad nodded at her, but there was more to the matter, though he could not tell them about that. He said nothing. He simply started walking around them, investigating them all too well.

'All too well'? This guy's almost definitely got a mattress stained with his own ejaculation and the tears of four-yearolds somewhere.

They knew why he was doing that, so they all kept their posture. Most of the time, a very good contractor always liked to investigate thoroughly what he was getting for his money, and so they had no problem with him.

He's not a contractor! He's a protagonist, and you'll be following him for the rest of your lives, desperately trying to get him to get you in his pants!

But that was not the case here. Rad had not hired their service, good old Miria Wong had. Miria was a resident of Hao-Yin, she was sort of like the mayor, though in Asaki, a person that ran that role was known as a cock. Miria had simply appointed Rad, the mercenary she most trusted from all the rest, to take on the job of escorting this group to the village of Hao-Yin. Rad was simply wondering whether the girls were made of hard stuff. When it came to facing off against the hordes of monsters from Yvia, not too many had the heart to stand up to them and fight them. Rad had seen many seasoned mercs die without so much as lifting a hand to defend themselves. He sure hoped these girls were not made of the same weak stuff.

Only Rad 'Two-Ton' Quetz can take the pressure. He's like if Cliff Lee had children with Integrity. Not sure who'd be the more feminine of that particular relationship...

"Shall we get going, then?" Rad asked, eyeing Toby when he made the full turn around them. "Time is of the essence, and I am sure the village could benefit from our presence there and not here."

"You, too, are a mercenary protecting the village?" Bryn dared asked, her voice normal.

"I am under contract there, yes. Miria is my contractor, but my time of service is almost up."

That soured up Bryn's happy mood. And she had had her hopes up of passing several days alongside him. Rad saw as the beautiful girl lowered her head.

"C'mon, it's been like two whole minutes! You can't just leave me like this to retire an' shit."

"Then let us get going," Toby interjected, sensing her friend's disappointment. "It's starting to get dark."

Toby herself was also disappointed in hearing Rad Quetz say that. The agent had an air of familiarity about him when it came to combat, it was a shame his service was almost over, though Toby did not know whether that statement meant a couple of weeks to come or sooner than that. Still, as Rad offered to lead them out, she could not help it but feel saddened, perhaps mostly due to the fact that Bryn was resenting more than her.

"Yeah, it is getting darker," Rad said. "Not to mention colder."

MY GOD THE FUCKING WEATHER IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY ANYMORE

As they walked in unison out of the fort, Rad let them know what they needed to do to arrive to Hao-Yin. It was not far and they could not get lost if they followed his words.

Rad Quetz's whispering carries through soundproof glass.

"You are not coming with us?" Toby asked him. Rad glanced upon her and decided to explain to them all that he did not have the use of a horse, something that brought Toby's eyebrows up.

"So how do you manage to travel around?" she asked, eyeing him.

Still feeling invigorated by the potion he had taken no more than a fifteen minutes ago, Rad decided that he would not need to take another one for his means of fast travel.

"I travel by the use of magic," Rad glanced at her. He wasn't about to tell her and the rest of the girls that in truth he carried a mighty companion who served him better than a horse whenever he felt the need to travel by means of riding.

"Hmm...I feel like a jolly good ride this morrow! Trixie! I choose you!"

"I LIVE TO SERVE MASTER"

"I wish to ride along the frigid plains for awhile."

"...GODDAMMIT, FATTY."

"WHAT WAS THAT"

"UM...NOTHING, MASTER."

To sustain his explanation, Rad brought out from one of his satchels a grayish looking stone, one that the group of girls instantly recognized as a magical stone.

That's quite a guess. I mean, normal dudes just randomly mention powerful magical companions and then hold up normal rocks all the time.

He lifted it up to face level for them to see.

Toby nodded at him, understanding. Magicians used those sort of stones to activate tougher spells, such as was the case with a teleportation spell. One had to hold the stone in hand and murmur or blurt out the proper incantation.

"So, you gotta murmur it or blurt it out?"

"Yup."

"Couldn't I just...y'know, say the fuckin' words?"

"Now that's just plain stupid."

The stone's magical power would then fuse with the user's inner magical ability and the spell would work if the words of it were said correctly and if the magician's magical ability within him or her was exceptional.

Of course.

"So you are somewhat of a mix between a magic and melee mercenary?" Nancy Shoemakur asked the youngster.

1) Why the fuck does she refer to him in class-based terms?

2) He's not a mercenary. He's obviously a kamikaze dragon radio Yakuza knight elf cat terrorist slaver. I dunno, but if that's what you're limiting it down to...HE'S NOT A FUCKING MERCENARY. DOES THIS GUY HAVE A HARD-ON FOR THE WORD 'MERCENARY' OR SOMETHING.

3) Nancy. Shoemakur. Fuck this guy's idea of Epic Naming.

"Indeed," Rad smiled at her. If only she knew what he truly was. He accompanied them out towards the wagons, and he saw as they all got on aboard.

"Sure you don't want to travel with us?" the tall, blonde girl asked him. "I have plenty of room here if you'd like to come with me."

COME HUR HUR HUR HUR

A fine invitation if Rad had ever heard one. Still, he smiled at her and shook his head.

"I have other stuff I must do before I go back to the village."

The pretty blonde nodded at him.

I'd like to see a sentence like 'The obese, ugly, malformed blonde.' I think that'd make everything more interesting than just assumptions of what constitutes attractiveness.

"But you will be there this night, right?" the short Asakian asked him as she was getting aboard in the last wagon. Rad turned his attention to the last wagon and nodded at her.

"Oh, I am always there. I am sure I will be there before you gals."

"'Cause ah'm a cowboah. Ah move through th' unseen pahths, to places where you done NEVER heard of befo'." Seriously...gals?

Smiling, Toby sent a wave forward using the horses' reins, a move that got the obedient horses to move forward.

Rad waited for the three wagons to move up ahead then decided to hide the magical stone. He would use his ring again, no need to go wasting a stone when he could use his endless supply found within the ring. A moment later, using the ring's power, Rad disappeared from view, but not before sensing the strong emanations of one of his kin.

Another enigmatic Sue. Fuck yeah.

[AstraLunaSol]

Oh God.

Jarly.

[BlueLeafeon]

I don't really understand what's going on or why you're bashing this dude's stuff, but Nightmare's comments on Sean Storm made me lol so hard! This turns an unbearable story into lolworthy material.

XD

lol at how it never says what exactly Rad is. :/

[Aleph]

He's not a petty human, that's for sure!

The best part is any of the shitty writing I've done is almost able to have the same comments applied to it, though I hope it's understood by the poor souls which read it that it's supposed to be like that. I take pride in making unbelievable characters which perform with absurd intentions.

[Rei Rei]

Sean Storm might be the most epíc name ever created by man.

[riariadne]

Hey look, I'm mentioned.

... I'm not sure if that's a good thing.

I think I opted to be in because Ragnell had managed to write a pretty good fanfic that included some SF members. Probably shouldn't have held the same expectations.

Edited November 15, 2010 by Luka Megurine

[lolDeath]

lol someone should do a new one

but a bad one

[eclipse]

I have been given the gracious opportunity to do the next chapter!

As he had said so,

Shut the fuck up.

Rad arrived the village first. He reappeared outside on the outskirts of the village, taking care that the sentries did not watch him.

Rad was afraid his cute, angelic and young face would cause all the sentries to climax simultaneously, thus turning this fic into a yaoi slash fic. In my opinion, a yaoi slash fic would've made a better read.

Without anyone laying an eye on him,

Like, didn't he do that last sentence?

Rad started moving towards the southern entrance, pondering on the sensations he had felt right after he was disappearing.

I'll pretend it's the sensation of his girthy man-organ retreating to safety.

Thinking on this dilemma, the merc made his way into the village, saluting the two guards that had been set to guard the entrance.

. . .is this dude reading my stupid comments?

When he got to the middle area, he noticed that everyone was crowded in the center of the village. Several fires were keeping the hosts warm, and as Rad walked toward the crowd, he noticed several new faces among them.

Despite the crowds and the obvious fire hazards, Rad has somehow memorized everyone's face prior to this event, so of course he'll know who the newbies are!

"Oh, Rad!" he heard the purple-clothed mage say in a more than happy tone. Rhann, he had noticed, had been sitting in the middle of the crowd and was relating a tell to them all. Rad noticed the mage had stood up and started to make his way towards him. "Where were you?"

Here we have some guy in purple named Rhann, who is most definitely not Rhaan.

As he investigated the approaching mage, Rad noticed that several of the other mercs and villagers seemed glad to see him back. Rad could tell much on a person just by looking at their faces and their bodily reactions. Much could be said without the need of words.

Perhaps Rad should investigate the fact that his apparent psychic abilities have shattered my Sue meter.

. . .or I'll quote Furet, since he did a better job of it:

Rad could sense the emotion in the oncoming pitchfork-bearing crowd. "Ladies!" he cried. "There's enough of RAD QUETZ for everyone!" The cops discovered his body lying in the alleyway. It had been shot three times in the head.

"I was out patrolling the northern area," Rad simply said to him and made his way to one of the fires, where he was sure to catch some warmth.

The other fires weren't good enough for Rad. Take that, southwestern flame wannabe!

"Alone?" Rhaan gasped, following him. "You know that the northern parts are dangerous and off our limits."

Who are you, and what the fuck did you do with Rhann? At least Rhann spoke coherently.

Rad nodded at him, too deep in his thoughts to say anything else. The emanations that he had felt back at the fort had him on edge. The emanations were as strong as his own, one of his kin without a doubt. "But you know Miria's regulations, right? Nobody is suppose to go out alone, let alone to the north!"

Can we get this over with and say man-yogurt instead of emanations? It's a step in the right direction.

The mage's protesting did not do anything to disrupt his thoughts. When something else mattered most than the current situation at hand, Rad was well disciplined to keep his focus. He did so there, believing that perhaps the elders had sent in a troop to extract him from the human realms and his current mission.

PARSE ERROR. VODKA SHOTS FAILED. MOVING TO TEQUILA.

"I had to," Rad set his hands close to the fire, deciding to respond to the mage. He liked the warmth sensation he felt then, with the fire's flickering flames reaching out to him. "Thought I had seen something."

Rad has deemed you worthy of a response! Quick, burn a calf in his honor!

"And did you?"

Shaking his head and staring at the tall mage, Rad answered his doubts. "Just a few enemy rangers, which I killed."

Mercs are the good guys, and rangers are the bad guys. Got it.

Before he could even finish his phrase, the crowd that had overheard his tale started to applaud. Staring around, Rad noticed that everyone who was present started to join in the celebration, applauding, whistling and even shouting cheers. Rad just smiled at them and rose his right hand, as if thanking them all. Then he remembered he had seen new faces.

. . .and then Rad woke up, alone and powerless in the hands of the enemy. His last words were a futile cry for his mother.

Is there any way to edit this in? PLEASE?!

"I see we have new fighters here," Rad leaned close to Rhaan, smiling at the crowd all the while. "Do you know if they are any good at fighting?"

I think Rad goes for anything with a heartbeat, with emphasis on THING.

"Well," Rhaan answered, gazing over at the newly arrived couple. "Earlier, the beautiful girl over yonder displayed to us her skill with a bow." Rad glanced over at the couple and noticed that they were staring at him, having perhaps taken notice of him. They were huddled among the villagers, who ate and shared tales with the each other. Rad noticed the lengthy man nodded at him and he nodded back. The young girl leaned close to him and whispered something. Rad noticed that they were perhaps married or would soon be. He could tell they were in love simply be making out the way they were sitting very close to each other.

Nope, those two sitting next to each other MUST be in love. We're ignoring things like weather and the fact that they're in the middle of a crowd. Also, the chick smells like fish.

"How is the camp security set up this night?"

"Usual as always," Rhaan explained. "Four patrols covering the four directions. If anything comes at us tonight, we will know of it."

I did not know they lived on a grid. Why weren't we told of this sooner?

"Good," Rad smiled at him and pat his shoulder. "Miria will be pleased with you. Also, we will be having more hosts in a matter of minutes."

"What is this that you speak?" Rhaan asked, contently. "Did I hear right? More hosts who come to help?"

The hosts are Hawaiian Host Macadamia Nuts, because they're delicious. My spell checker doesn't know what a macadamia nut is.

"Aye, a group of six beautiful girls," Rad assured him, noticing that a fine looking woman in her early twenties was approaching them with a plate of assorted food in her right hand and a silver cup in her left one. Her hair was long and dark as the night, kept in a ponytail, and the woman was dressed all in black. Aside from being a villager, she was also volunteering to act as a village defender. Her name was Charmaine Berning, and from what Rad had seen of her during his stay here, she was a good fighter despite not being trained as a mercenary, not to mention a fine cook.

I don't know what they slipped in the food, because Rad seems to have the perception that every woman is beautiful, and has somehow deduced this lass' name, intentions, and job without so much as speaking with her.

"My good sire," Charmaine said, staring at Rad. The merc smiled at her while Rhaan stepped aside. "Some food and drink for the night?" Rad and Charmaine shared the same height, so the merc was able to look her directly into her dark eyes. He thought he saw the woman blushing. Smiling, Rad took the plate and the cup from her.

"Oh, many thanks," Rad thanked.

"Don't mention it," Charmaine said, bowed and departed from them.

Rad and his cute, angelic, and young face have charmed yet another woman, WHO WE KNOW HAS PIGMENTED HAIR, EYES, AND CLOTHING, THANKYOUVERYMUCH!

"So six, huh?"

Rad said nothing, he nodded at the mage and offered him the cup.

"I've had my rations, Rad, so no thanks," Rhaan waved off his offer.

"I'm not asking you to drink it," Rad glanced at him. "Hold the cup for me while I find myself a seat."

"Oh," Rhaan, embarrassed, took the cup from him in a snap. "Right."

What is it with women falling for asshole men? Oh, right, Sue powers. Carry on!

Having spent most of the day investigating and gathering information in Yvia had sure made the mercenary hungry. So Rad quickly found a wooden stool and sat on it.

Even more proof that Rad is not like the rest of us. Instead of eating, he sits to ease his hunger.

Walking towards him, Rhaan grabbed another stool and set it next to the eating merc. On top of the stool he sat the cup so that Rad was able to grab it whenever he wanted to take a sip.

Do you want some sliced fruits to go with your wine, Your Greatness? No? Then allow me the honor of placing this lowly stool next to you so you can put your goblet down.

"And what did these girls look like to you? Fine warriors or just regulars?"

"They seem to know their business. Miria hired them."

The mage nodded, understanding.

Way to avoid answer the question, Your Greatness.

"Well, Rad," Rhaan said, clasping his hands together. "They will be welcomed to the team. And now, I will let you eat in peace. You know where to find me, though."

Rad nodded at him and kept eating. The mercenary wanted to finish eating as soon as possible. He knew that he would be leaving again soon, this time, in an attempt to find the source of the emanation.

Oh, have I been dismissed? Very well, Your Greatness. If I can be of any more service, you only need to think of what you want, and I shall be right there to get it!

-XoX-

Never thought I'd be glad to see this.

[Ragnell]

In not-so-loving memory of Jarly:

[spoiler=my masterpiece story in the style of none other than Jarly]

The History of Ragnell

Once upon a time, in a land fairly far away (but not so far as to be considered distant), there lived a young man named Ragnell. At a glance, Ragnell looked normal, but in reality he was half man and half dragon. Yes, he was half dragon! And Ragnell was also half god! That’s right, Ragnell was three halves of a being!

Ragnell stood about 6 feet tall, and was muscular and fit. He had beautiful, wavy brown hair and a fine green cloak. He carried a large golden sword at his side at all times. This blade was also called Ragnell, which caused much confusion during battles. But Ragnell (the person) had kept the blade anyway because it was amazingly powerful, h4x, and could attack from two spaces away.

Anyway, Ragnell was a hero in his native land. He defeated beasts, rescued damsels, and helped all those in poverty. One day, Ragnell set out from his home and traveled about the land. He crossed the entire continent in one day and found himself in a domain called Serenes Forest. Ragnell walked about the many trees of Serenes Forest until he came to the towering Serenes Castle (which was until recently called the Comments and Suggestions Forum).

Ragnell strode inside of the castle and marched straight to the throne room. Several soldiers tried to stop him, but a quick, “I need to see the king,” sent them scurrying away. As Ragnell pushed open the doors, all the men inside the throne room halted whatever they were doing, to stare at him.

Ragnell marched up to the throne and said to the man seated in it, “Are you the king of this realm?”

The man stared at Ragnell for a moment before replying, “Indeed, I am Vincent, the ruler of Serenes Forest.”

Ragnell nodded and replied, “Well then, King Vincent, I thought I should inform you that I, the hero Ragnell, have decided to rid this land of evil. Is there any evil here?”

“Well,” Vincent began, “there is a powerful dark aura surrounding the Creative Section.”

“The Creative Section?” Ragnell asked.

“Yes,” said Vincent. “I have felt its presence there for several weeks. It seems to be destroying all of the useless and badly written stories. That’s why this one is in Far From the Forest.”

“Egad!” Ragnell cried. “This menace must be defeated!”

Vincent stood and said to Ragnell, “I task you, Ragnell, to go and defeat this dark force!”

Ragnell nodded and walked through the mass of dying peasants, hoping for the king’s help, out of the throne room. On his way out of the castle, he dodged around all the civilians, who cried his praises for saving them from the darkness, and urged him to succeed.

Ragnell sprinted for two days straight until he came to the Creative Section, which sat one forum below Far From the Forest. Once there, Ragnell found a sea of dark, dead trees awaiting him. He carefully walked between them, hearing a moaning arising from each of them. Upon closer inspection, Ragnell found the names of lost stories upon the trees. He spat; the evil force had killed all these useless stories! How dare he!

Ragnell continued through the forest until he found an enormous, black castle surrounded by many houses. As he walked between the houses, he could see faces in the windows, cowering in fear.

“Who are you?” Ragnell asked. “What is this place?”

A young woman walked out of one of the homes and said, “This is the Feedback Section. We’re hiding here, away from the Dark One.”

Ragnell cried, “Dark One?! Who is he? I will defeat him and restore chaos and disorder to this section!”

“We dare not speak his name. He is… oooooh.” The woman shivered and fled back inside the house.

Ragnell turned again and headed towards the dark castle. Once he reached the gates, he found that a thousand soldiers stood in his way. Ragnell stepped forward and began hacking his way through the many generic, faceless, evil soldiers wearing black armor. Ragnell knew he didn’t have to fight them this way, but it was more fun and almost a challenge. Many years ago, Ragnell had been offered a stone of incredible magical power that could have helped him overcome the enemies, but he turned the offer down immediately. After all, he was part god! And he was so powerful that any strength-increasing item would actually decrease his strength.

Five minutes later, after Ragnell had killed about eight hundred of the soldiers, he grew bored of the fight and decided he would use his other method of fighting. Ragnell put away his sword and stared at all the incoming soldiers intensely. Several of the soldiers stopped and ran back the other way in fright, but the remaining soldiers fell dead to the ground because of their close encounter with Ragnell’s awesomeness.

Ragnell walked over the bodies to the hundred-foot-tall front gate, which he pushed open with one hand and entered. Inside the castle was an assortment of booby traps (which I shall not describe here), that Ragnell managed to overcome. He walked into the throne room and found a dark figure sitting on the throne.

“Who are you?” Ragnell asked.

The man stood up, and let his black cloak flow off him. Then he removed his helmet (which he was wearing under his hood) and showed his face. He was pale, and had purple hair, which hung down to his eyebrows.

“I am Shuuda!” the man exclaimed. “I rule the Creative Section now!”

“No!” Ragnell cried. “I will defeat you and resurrect all the useless stories!”

“Hah, you?” Shuuda asked. “You’re just a dumb, uncreative, Mary Sue!”

“What?! I am not!” Ragnell retaliated.

Shuuda stood silent for a second before replying, “Indeed you are not a Mary Sue. You’re a man, so you’d be a Gary Stu!”

“Nooooo!” Ragnell cried, rushing forward with his sword.

Shuuda drew his own sword, and blocked Ragnell’s slash. Ragnell retaliated with another attack, but this too was blocked. Shuuda hopped backwards, out of Ragnell’s attack range, and began casting a powerful black magic spell known as Feedback. Ragnell quickly tried his Stare-to-Death attack, but found that it didn’t work, to help build suspense in the fight. Ragnell dove forward just as the Feedback spell hit him, and was sent reeling to the ground. Ragnell managed to hang on to Ragnell (the other Ragnell, y’know, his sword) so he was able to block another savage strike from Shuuda. Ragnell leapt off the ground and slashed again and again at Shuuda, but with no result.

The battle raged on for several weeks, with no result. Finally, exactly 23 days after the fight had started, Ragnell noticed a wet substance running down his face. He gasped, it was sweat! Ragnell snarled and dove at Shuuda, finally knocking aside his defense and throwing his sword aside.

Shuuda quivered a moment before he said, “Oh, I’ve been wrong all this time. I should turn good so that you don’t have to kill me and look evil.”

Ragnell agreed, and Shuuda’s armor transformed in a blaze of light. When the light dimmed, the metal was a bright white, with gold engravings covering the breastplate.

Ragnell and Shuuda walked back to Serenes Castle, where they met King Vincent again. A young lady and a man this time accompanied Vincent in the throne room.

“Who are they?” Ragnell asked.

“This is Jyosua, the co-king of Serenes, and this is a random, beautiful girl who is obviously supposed to be your love interest.”

“Oh,” said Ragnell quickly. “Well, in that case…”

Ragnell leapt up the steps to the throne, kissed the girl, and rode off into the sunset, sword at his side.

The End

I wrote that about a year ago and posted it, but I think it got lost in the SF time-warp.

Edited November 17, 2010 by Ragnell

[Integrity]

I am now happy.

[Original Alear]

That’s right, Ragnell was three halves of a person!

Gods aren't people, and I don't think dragons are either... So he was three halves total, but not three halves of a person.

Aren't you glad you have the professional editing staff of SF to proof your work and improve it?

[Kintenbo]

Hey, I need clarification. Is Yvia a cold place?

Edited November 16, 2010 by Kintenbo

[Original Alear]

Hey, I need clarification. Is Yvia a cold place?

He didn't actually say it was a cold place generally, did he (I didn't read the full thing)? It might be a normal temperature place most of the time.

[Ragnell]

Gods aren't people, and I don't think dragons are either... So he was three halves total, but not three halves of a person.

Aren't you glad you have the professional editing staff of SF to proof your work and improve it?

He was a person because I said so! You are critiquing me, so you're a troll!!! Grr, now watch as I feebly attempt to critique your artistic works!

In all seriousness, I'll go change it to 'being'.

[lolDeath]

i don't believe in science tra la la la laaaa

[Parrhesia]

Nightmare's next, I swear. There's just...one...thing...

The White Rose Brigade made its entrance to the village ten minutes after Rad had arrived. As the group was escorted by two guards to a corner in the village where they could set their wagons, Toby noticed that there were more than a few houses standing tall. What with all that she had heard lately from the attacks on the village, the leader mercenary had thought that the village would look decrepit, possibly all but destroyed.

Of course it's intact. In those ten minutes, Rad single-handedly rebuilt the place. And pimped out the village fountain.

But the scenery she had found when they had arrived had cheered her up. The village looked all right, worthy of being defended.

"Should we, like, save that village, or something?"

"Nah. Too pov, bro."

"'Kay."

The guards, who wielded long spears,

as swords are reserved for named characters,

welcomed them and then they were off.

Toby jumped from the wagon to the ground and landed on her

neck, snapping it instantly.

feet.

Fuck. I mean, oh joys.

"Okay, girls, we are here. Let us find the leader and be brought up to speed on the situation."

"I would say finding Rad would make that task easier," Lisa commented as she approached the leader.

Cause you gotta find Rad first. ALWAYS FIND THE DOPEY FAT GUY FIRST

By that time, the other girls surrounded Toby.

Life's pretty straight without Quetzies~

Nodding, Toby agreed with Lisa.

"Then let us find him," the leader of the group started off, the others going after her.

It was not hard for the girls to miss him. They found him sitting on a stool, his posture as if he was deep in thought.

"Mmm...ohhhh yeah...that's right little pig buddy, just a little bit deeper- UUUUUUHHH HI GUYS"

Nonetheless, he did nod at them when he caught a glimpse of them. They saw him stand up and head toward them.

"You made it," Rad said, smiling. "Why don't you all make yourselves at home? Come, I will show you where you will be stationed, and after that, you girls can settle down for dinner or something."

"Not sex, even though I could totally fuck y'all in like three seconds. And then you'd die. My girthsome mangibblies are far too potent to be unleashed upon this world."

"You are the leader here?" Gen dared ask from behind Bryn, in a tone that let Rad know she did not believe it.

"You look like the wet dream of some nerd who jacks off to Passion of the Christ."

"When Miria is away, yes, I am the leader. When she is not, I am just another hired hand."

Another hired hand with white hair, magic rings'n'shit, a stupid name- who is this Miria and how strict are her hiring policies, anyway?

The group of girls followed Rad to the north section of town, where the mercenary quickly explained to them what they were to do in case a raid came.

"I am afraid we lack a good front line at the moment," said Rad as he walked beside Toby, who listened intently to the information being shared by Rad. "All the best mercenaries we had died in the front line in the last attack, but I am afraid we need you girls up here." Rad then stared at Toby and added. "How many of you are actually hand to hand fighters?"

Cue all of them having some kind of speciality.

"You can say four of us are," Toby said immediately.

Yup.

She went on to point out with her right hand at Lisa, Bryn, Nancy and herself, and she introduced her companions to the young man. "Very good fighters may I add.” She then pointed at Kristi and Gen and explained. "Kristi is our prodigy and Gen is an excellent bow girl.

"Unfortunately, she's a delicate yet no doubt luscious flower and we'll need your help to saw off her tits."

I am sure they can be positioned in the rear as a covering team, right?"

Rad glanced at Kristi and Gen, noticing that the latter showed the effects of the cold night.

Yvia? Cold? Wow.

The Asakian

Still don't know anything about this place.

seemed to be trembling more than the rest, but Rad thought it was from the cold. He was wrong; Gen was actually feeling quite nervous due to the whole predicament she had gotten her young self into.

"R...Rad?" Gen stammered.

"Yes?" Rad glanced over at her. She was the shortest of the pack

I can't be fucked to think of an acceptably crude bitch joke here.

and Rad noticed that the cutest amongst them as well.

PANTS TARGET DESIGNATED. INITIATE ATTACK SEQUENCE SIX NINE EFF.

As he took a good measure of her face, which was just two feet away from him, Rad noticed that she actually had one eye, the left one, smaller than the other,

No doubt, a crucial detail.

though the mercenary knew right away that that did not interfere in any way with the young girl's beauty.

Little known fact: Fatty here has a birth defect fetish, and owns the namerights to the site 'elevenfingerbangme dot org.'

He did ponder why she had a smaller eye, though.

"Where will you be the whole time if a raid does happen?"

Rad lowered his head and smiled. Indeed, where would he be?

Please, make this committing suicide. RUnning away. Binge drinking, FUCKING ANYTHING THAT DOESN'T REQUIRE I LOOK AT HIM ANYMORE

Rad went back to long past times in Dragonia, where he had always been on the front lines of the endless war that his kin waged against the forces of

Knowing Jarly, I doubt this next sentence is gonna be anything except for

evil

Yup.

there. For a moment, pondering on a situation where he had been upfront leading a squadron of his own kin, Rad became lost in his memories and didn't seem to be aware that Toby had asked: "Rad? Are you okay?"

He then snapped out of it, right after he heard the female voice far off in the distance of his memories. His head turned to Gen then and said. "I have always been here on the front line meeting the oncoming foes, so I reckon I will be here when the next raid comes."

*sigh* Another completely pointless paragraph beyond 'Rad so awesome he got his own flunkies dawg'.

Everyone was quiet then. Bryn coughed and Rad looked over at her.

"So you will be beside us and perhaps leading us?" Toby glanced at Rad, proudly. Proudly because the mercenary could tell that Rad had survived several times here already.

Because a woman's worth is measured in proximity to Rad.

If only she knew how many times in the past Rad had survived endless battles.

Of course he's survived 'endless' battles. Jarly can make a casual introduction seem fucking endless.

If only the leader of the White Rose Brigade and her colleagues knew of the many foes that had tasted the sharpness of his twin Eküraa blades.

Aw fuck, WHO SHOWED JARLY HOW TO MAKE A VOWEL HAVE AN UMLAUT

"I believe so," Rad nodded. The girls then noticed how the mercenary turned to glance to the north, to the vast land that without a doubt housed many monsters. "But come...You should have some dinner and be prepared for the rest of the night."

The girls followed him, with Kristi and Gen at the back exchanging glances and following the group slower than normal.

"Something troubles him," Gen leaned and whispered to the prodigy's left ear.

Kristi's acts of prodigal power to date: Zero.

"You are not the only one who noticed," Kristi replied back in the same manner.

As opposed to screaming loudly while drooling.

"When you asked the question I noticed that he drifted off into his inner thoughts.

His outer thoughts are generally restricted to concepts like 'Hamburger. Glargh. Abstinence. Fight. Glurg. Not Stu.'

Perhaps he was remembering something or perhaps your question brought up something that troubles him."

"Perhaps this whole situation has changed him or something," Gen reasoned. "I mean to fight off monsters on the front lines sure gives a person something to think about, after you’ve done it for quite some time. All the blood, all the chaos, all the screams, all the death around you..."

"I am afraid it's much more than that, Asakian," Kristi was not rude with her words, and Gen perceived it so, smiling. "Tell me, dear Gen, where have you seen a person like him? A person with light tan skin and white hair?"

"And you are playing at what?" Gen glanced at the prodigy.

"You. Me. One cup. Tomorrow night."

"...huh?"

"His name is just the start of the mystery," Kristi went on, ignoring Gen's comment. "It's so ambiguous...And so rare, don't you think?"

"Rad Quetz," Gen pronounced it. "It does sound exotic, like our own names here in Asaki."

I make a sound like 'Rad Quetz' when I have a hangover and someone kicks me in the throat and triggers a seizure.

"He's not of your kind," Kristi smiled. "He's not even Broahn and definitely not a Vanezian."

WHERE THE FUCK ARE THESE PLACES

"A laguz, perhaps?"

Kristi glanced at Gen.

"You--We are on to something."

"Something that can only end in a steamy bestiality threesome."

Edited November 17, 2010 by Furetchen

[Parrhesia]

"Does it matter what he is?" Gen added. "As long as he is on our side, I am happy. I just thought something was troubling him."

Kristi wanted to reply to that, but the group had arrived the middle of the village, where most of the folk was crowded around the fires.

"Well," Lisa spoke up. "A good fire always beats the cold."

Lisa has the power to interrupt any conversation at will with random non-sequiters. Everyone else hates her.

"I agree with you," Bryn said as she arrived one of the fires and stood close to it. She glanced around, just like her own companions did, and noticed the folks staring at them. She could see they showed some sort of uncertainty, though it was not all from fear she was sure. They were still here, how could it be fear?

Because all that stands in between them and death is a few bargain-bin mercs and, worse, some dudes with spears? They are literally two Tropes away from instant death!

If it was fear that they felt, the whole village had tuck tail

What? Turned, you moron!

and run long ago.

"I will get you some food, ladies," Rad told Toby, who nodded at him. "And after I do that, I have some stuff I must do,

The colonic irrigation is scheduled for five-thirty on the dot. And RAD QUETZ never misses. An appointment.

so I will be absent for some time."

"How long?" Toby dared asked, although she knew right away that she had sounded kind of worried.

You don't even know the dude.

Rad turned to regard her, smiled and added. "Just a few minutes."

He departed and Nancy was quick to scold her boss.

"You sounded very motherlish there, boss."

The word 'boss' and the Jarlism 'motherlish' do not belong in the same sentence.

"I forgot that I am not in my office now,"

Isn't Toby the one with braces and glasses? ...oh my god.

It's not the White Rose Brigade. It's something far worse.

The White-Collar Brigade.

Toby cracked a smile and was off to get closer to one of the fires where her companions and some other folks stood at. Surprised, Nancy followed her.

Rad had done as he had promised, relating the news to Charmaine, who took care of sending the girls some food and drink. He also spoke briefly with Rhaan and his boys and then was off. Nobody really knew where to, because when he left the scene of the village, nobody saw him disappear not even Sean who had gone out to the outer edge of the village to take a leak. The newly arrived blonde mercenary had taken a notice of the short man as he had made his way out toward the east. But it was dark and when Sean lowered his eyes down to the action he was taking by strapping up his pant's belt, Rad disappeared from his view. When the Vanezian mercenary raised his sight again in an attempt to see the departing mercenary, he was nowhere to be seen.

No. Comment.

"What in the nine..." Sean's phrase trailed off. "Where did he go?"

Who gives a fuck, for now we introduce...

Bryce Boggs was a lean fellow and very clever. That cold night he was dressed in royal, white armor, with a long, dark cape at his back. His hair was of a sandy color and fell to the sides and his skin was light. Two cat-like ears protruded from the top of his hair, giving his face a cat-like appearance.

At the moment, the laguz from Broah rode inside one of his wagons, and he sat comfortably as he read a fat book.

This is an introduction unequalled in the whole of literature, drawing upon such fine texts as 'The Fat Cat Sat on the Mat' and 'Some People Are Different' for its descriptive structure. Truly, Jarly is the Zarathustra of today's generation.

Bryce was one of the five Laguz captains that served the princess of the Broahn Mountains, a princess simply known as Lady Kilvas. As Bryce did, many other laguz called her ladyship Princess Kilvas. Well, Kilvas had heard of the trouble that the near village of Hao-Yin was experiencing. She had always known this since back in years. The troublesome monsters also raided the borders of her homeland Broah, but the army of Broah was far more prepared than that of the Asakians.

WHO GIVES A FUCK TELL ME MORE ABOUT BRYCE BOGGS

The laguz species resided in the southern mountains in Broah, close to the sea. Princess Kilvas was really just a princess for her people, not for the land. Humans knew of the existence of laguz, but these rare creatures had fled to the mountains where they thought they could not be bothered with the rest of the world. They mostly kept to themselves, although there were a few laguz who had turned rogue and had joined the human ways.

Well, that being said, Princess Kilvas had sent Bryce and his company out to help the people in need. Bryce knew why the young crow princess had done so. The laguz princess wanted to finally unite the laguz tribes with the humans. As far as the laguz royal guard was concerned, the princess had taken the right action. Helping the town in need would not only make the laguz be seen as allies to the humans, but perhaps the Empress of Asaki would grant union ship with the laguz species. This was just a small step of the long ladder that the laguz had to climb in order to play with the rest of the big boys out there. Vanezia, Broah and Asaki shared union ship, free passage to all people and markets and free trade agreements. The laguz wanted all that too, and they had taken the first step.

I didn't read any of that, because I'm confident none of it will be significant.

Bryce Boggs knew the town was not far now. His buttocks hurt from all the long hours of riding.

"Uh, sir. We're, like, all some form of rapidly-moving animal. Couldn't we, like, transform and then run/fly/whatever most of the way?"

"That's crazy talk."

As he traveled inside his flapped wagon, Bryce knew that if he had been born with wings, the trip for him and his clique would of had gone much easier. Too bad, he was a cat laguz, and so were the rest of his squad, a group of ten other laguz guards, five male and five female.

Equal rights being kept up, I see.

The laguz species had useful magic and stones when it came to weaponry. In real life, their appearance resembled that of a human, but with their laguz stones they could transform into the beasts they actually were. They fought when transformed into beasts, and they were a force to be reckoned with, especially when joined in a pack.

Preachin' to the choir. This is like the only fuckin' thing we know about your setting, because YOU LIFTED IT OFF ANOTHER SETTING.

Bryce Boggs

is never referred to by only his first name. It is only with his equally-ridiculous last name that he achieves true power.

knew that his help would not be rejected. Asaki and Broah showed great appreciation toward the laguz. Vanezia however...

DUNNO WHERE THESE PLACES ARE DON'T GIVE A SHIT GET ON WITH IT

Bryce brought out a small, red stone from a jewel box nearby and spoke at it. "How much longer?"

It seems like so. Fucking. Long.

A reply came to him a few seconds later, a female's voice that spoke out of the stone. "Three miles, sir."

The stone was a communicating device, one imbued with magical properties to communicate with another same stone and to the person who wielded it. Hearing the response from one of his guards, Bryce relaxed a bit and kept reading the book.

Oh my fucking god at last its over