Fire Emblem Vs.

[miiworld2]

Preview:

Fire Emblem Vs.::

Years ago, a powerful artifact known as the Dragonheart has pitted Dragons and Demons to fight for its possession. Until one day, the Dragonheart was banished from the Land of Light into the Land of Reality, where no one would dare access it.

Years have passed, and the Dragonheart has been located in the Land of Reality by a dark figure, and the long-waging war is close to start off again.

This begun with the League of Lycia falling prey to the Land of Darkness, Abyssus and its inhabitated demons; followed by the captures of three powerful nations--Etruria, Archanea, and Renais--by the unholy alliance of Begnion and Grandbell. What's worse? Children--especially young girls no more than fourteen--are being robbed from their homes for sacrifices.

Galen Sage, a young man from the Modern city of Metropolis, has ended up in the Fire Emblem world; and with his best friend Fancy Silverdawn and her rival Jolie Tisdale, this unlikely hero is about to find himself locked into an epic struggle for all nations' freedom against the forces of darkness. But it'll have to come at a price.

Featuring the major casts of the entire Fire Emblem series.

xXx List of Chapters xXx

Book 1 - Human Saga

-Pr:: Darkness

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-Ch1:: Prediction

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-Ch2:: Wedding

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-Ch3:: Breached

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-Ch4:: Reunion

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-ChFinale:: Destination

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Book 2 - Swords Saga

-Pr::Torn

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-Ch1:: Olympia

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-Ch2::New World

[link]

-Ch3::Rebels

[link]

-Ch4::Camp

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-Ch5::Treason

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-Ch6::Intel

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-Ch7 coming soon

Edited August 7, 2012 by miiworld2

[eclipse]

What in the blue blazes is up with that link system? I'll be more than happy to give you feedback, but it will be HERE.

[Anouleth]

I hate myself.

...

created by the destroyer

it was his day off okay

[Parrhesia]

well i guess even one-dimensional gods need a hobby

[Baldrick]

A few things:

Grammar, spelling, syntax, etc. It's a minor thing, but it would make it much easier to read (maybe it's just me).

"Something happened that was like X movie/book/game, so I don't have to describe it". Don't do that.

Characterisation was not great. There aren't really any shades of gray with the heroes and villains, and it seems like you wrote the story first, then filled in the names of the FE characters later, madlibs style.

The protagonist is a tiny bit of a Gary Stu. Just a touch.

[Parrhesia]

A world distanced at another dimension from the Land of Reality:

Etruria, the Magic Kingdom

Dohl, the Barren Empire

Bern, the Power Kingdom

Ilia, the Ice Land

Renais, the Twin Country

Archanea, the legendary Kingdom

Grandbell, the High Empire

Thracia, the Major City

Begnion, the Holy Empire

These titles were given to them by the legendary scholar Jenkins the Utterly Senile, derided for his complete lack of ... any real skill one would want in a record-keeper, honestly.

Two leagues of small countries:

-The Legion of Beasts: Gallia, Phoenicis, Kilvas, Hatari, and Pirathi, the Land of Manaketes.

-The League of Lycia: Pherae, Ostia, Crimea, Daein, and Altea

A triple wedding was to take place at Castle Ostia, in the Capital City of the League of Lycia, and pretty much all royalties and high-ranked figures from across lands were invited to celebrate the holy matrimony of the lucky three couples. Who are these couples you ask?

I don't ask this because I don't care because there's no reason to care so make me care first WHY DO I GIVE A SHIT this is the most important rule of writing.

Let's find out.

"Eliwood!"

Hector (Fire Emblem)

NO, REALLY?! IT ISN'T HECTOR OF THE FUCKING ILIAD?!

Marquess of Ostia and General of the Lycian League, startled his best friend Eliwood at one of the cathedral's guest chambers.

Are they getting married? Lycia's... remarkably progressive.

Eliwood (Fire Emblem), Marquess of the kingdom of Pherae of the League of Lycia, was paying too much attention to his look that he didn't saw his best friend enter. Eliwood was in his white prince outfit adorned with ankle-length capes. You see, Eliwood was one of the grooms to get married, and he didn't want to look awful in front of his future wife.

Eliwood tires of being called by 'Eliwood' excessively. Eliwood would like to smite down the writer of this piece of horseshit.

"Hector." He sighed, still staring at the mirror, "What is it you want? You startled me."

"Just came to offer my condolences." He replied with a smile.

Eliwood looked back at him, surprised, "Condolences? Who died?"

"You."

Eliwood looked confused.

"I'm talking about your fun independent self! Fun Eli!" Hector clarified, "He's the one who died! Now that you're getting married, we should acknowledge him."

Eliwood rolled his eyes, "Hector. You with your ill-mannered joke. I'm still going to be Fun Eli."

Hector laughed heartily, "Yeah right, my friend!" he patted him on the shoulder.

HA HA HA

WE HAVE BROTHERLY LOVE

HA HA this dialogue is shit

Suddenly the door swung open. Entered Marth (Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon), the valiant prince of the kingdom of Altea; and Ike (Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn), noble Hero of Crimea. Both young men wore the same groom dress as Eliwood, meaning that they too were gonna marry their loves on the same day. Marth however appeared troubled, like he did something criminal.

"Gentlemen. I must speak with you." He sounded alert, "This is a matter of urgency!"

"Would you relax, Marth?" Ike said, trying to reassure him, "You haven't done anything wrong."

"What's up?" Hector asked.

"I did something terrible!" Marth exclaimed, "Something awful. Something poorly-mannered! I—!" he couldn't speak, "I—!"

Gotta love his priorities.

"He saw Princess Caeda on her wedding dress." Ike reported.

'Wedding dress' is the same thing as a 'birthday suit', named for the bedding that takes place traditionally immediately after the wedding feast.

"BEFORE THE WEDDING!" Marth shouted, "Oy, this is terribly bad."

Hector chortled, "Sheesh, don't tell me you're into that superstitious stuff, Marth."

"Hector, you have to understand that it is bad omen to see your bride on her Wedding dress before the Wedding Day." Eliwood backed Marth up.

"See?" Marth said.

oh no

remind me why i care

"Caeda said it's fine." Ike reminded Marth.

"Yes, but is she superstitious?

"Look, I know Shiida thinks it's okay, but does she take too much meaning from ordinary, everyday events to predict doom in the future?"

I've battled a Dark Dragon. I know what I'm talking about."

"And I've battled a Goddess." Ike replied, "I'm in your same position, but I'm not in your insane opinion."

Eliwood, too, whipped out his cock and was like "YEAH WELL I KILLED /TWO/ DRAGONS AND ONE OF THEM IS MY /WIFE/"

Hector couldn't stop laughing, "Gentlemen, please… control yourselves! This is a glorious day for all of you, not a day to panic."

xXx

Meanwhile…

"This is the perfect time to panic!" Caeda (Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon) the Pegasus Princess of the island of Talys in Lycia, screamed out, expressing what happened with her and Marth earlier. She looked ravishing in her wedding dress. Along with Caeda were:

Ninian (Fire Emblem), the lovely lady dragon from a distant land

Elincia (Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn), the Faithful Queen of Crimea

Lilina (Fire Emblem: Sword of Seals), the daughter of Hector, and Princess of Ostia

Roy (Fire Emblem: Sword of Seals), theson of Eliwood, and Prince of Pherae

Mist (Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn), sister of Ike

Mia (Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn), female mercenary of the Greil's Mercenaries

ONE OF THESE IS NOT LIKE THE OTHERS

Roy you playa getting to see Shiida naked

maybe you're gay

that would make things a little less awkward

yeaaaaah RoyxWolt rock on

"I thought you reassured him that you were fine with it." Lilina asked Caeda.

"I lied! Okay?" Caeda exclaimed, "Oh, if Marth knew I lied to him…"

"It will be all right, Caeda." Ninian reassured her.

"Actually," Mist replied jokingly, "this could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship tainted by lies and more lies!" The girls all turned to stare at her, not liking the joke.

This is exactly what Mist would say! Yes! This is in character! I HATE YOU FOR RUINING A CHARACTER THAT I ALREADY DESPISED

"That's mean, Mist. That's really mean." Mia told her, before she suddenly beamed, "HEY! Here's something that should cheer you all up! We invite Galen to the Wedding! What do you—?"

Before she could finish there was a collective groan of disagreement with the small crowd.

"We can't invite Galen, remember?" Roy reminded Mist,

"He's a total dipshit."

"We cannot have anymore contact with the outside world."

"But mostly he's a total dipshit."

"Who knows what calamity will happen if we do?" Elincia agreed.

"He'll probably masturbate into the wedding cake again."

"But what if we want him to know he's okay?" Mist asked.

The door creaked open, and in peeked Ike. Ike had his eyes closed, avoiding to look at Elincia on her wedding dress.

Confirmed: Ike is gay.

"Ike?" Elincia gasped.

"Hey, Elincia. As you can see my eyes are closed."

REALLY IKE

ARE YOUR EYES CLOSED

I HADN'T NOTICED

'Ike had his eyes closed' IS REALLY AMBIGUOUS PHRASING

Ike said, "And Mist and Mia, no contact with Galen whatsoever. For his safety and ours, we cannot let anyone know we got in touch with the Baron Dragon."

"But-!" Mia exclaimed.

"No buts."

"Except Elincia's, 'CAUSE DAT SHIT IS FIIIIIINE"

Ike snapped, "I'm sorry but this must not be done."

"And just to reassure you all, Galen closed all contact with our worlds." Roy said, "So there's no way he's gonna contact us, or we are going to contact him."

"Good, now that everyone's off topic on that," Elincia said, before facing Ike, whose eyes are still closed, "Ike, it's your cue to leave. Now."

"Right!" Ike quickly replied and slipped his head out of the room. Ike turned back and saw Ranulf (Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn) his best friend Laguz, and Merric (Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon), Marth's best friend, behind him.

"OHH! JEEZ!" Ike startled.

"So you mock Marth about seeing his bride before the Wedding, and suddenly you afraid to see your own before the Wedding?" Ranulf snickered.

"This is different." Ike replied.

"That's not different! That's mean!" Merric said, "If Marth found out, he'll mock you too."

"I pray you won't tell him." Ike glared at Merric menacingly. Merric gulped, shaking his head in response.

"So what's the deal with the Baron Dragon again?" Ranulf asked with concern, "Is he returning?"

"I pray not." Ike said, "Even if the Baron Dragon brings us salvation, his appearance to the Fire Emblem World always brings us darkness first. But no, it's Mist and Mia. They were planning to invite him to the Wedding."

Ranulf and Merric appeared stunned, "I hope you told them no!" Merric exclaimed.

"Of course I told them no." Ike said, "I just hope there won't be any disturbance anymore. This is a peaceful time and we should enjoy them while we can."

Cut out this entire bit. Nobody gives a damn.

::Abyssus::

The Land of Darkness, Abyssus. Created by the Destroyer and ruled over by Demons.

This land had the foul stench of poison, the blinding vision of darkness, and the excruciating heat of hellfire. There, a dark figure in a dark cloak was spotted. It walked once again down the dark aisle and stood a few distance from another dark figure with horns, sitting on a horned throne. The Destroyer perhaps… Its left eye the size of a skull eyehole was glowing but its face was unseen.

Too much description. The more we understand, the less we are afraid. If it can be killed... I honestly think Galen could godmode his way through it. And, you know...

+ Ike, Mia, Mist, Ranulf and Elincia have killed a god

+ Marth, Merric and Shiida a dragon that was also a god, twice

+ Eliwood and Hector have killed a dragon and in Eliwood's case Ninian as well

so yeah

i ain't scared

The dark figure in the dark cloak dropped on the ground

but was it a dark ground

THREES, DAMN IT, THREES

(no the last thing i'm suggesting is that you use the word 'dark' again, ever)

at the feet of the Destroyer a mortal body. The body was identified: it was a little girl!

Muhee! Hee! Hee! Hee! Hee! Hee! Hee! Hee!

Hee! Hee! Hee! Hee! I'm shitting myself. From the mere thought that you could ever thing this was an intimidating villain.

Hellfire flames shot up and around the chamber in response to the creepy demonic laughter of the Destroyer.

Creepy to whom? Small children?

Its gleaming left eye flashed, and teeth the appearance of those belonging to a terrifying shark flashed up as well. The body floated toward its hidden face.

MUEHH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH!

The hellfire flames burst out, completely claiming the chamber with its scorching heat.

GNYAAAAAAAAAAAHH! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA!

hey

hey guys

i think

i think he is laughing

...

this story sucks ass

[Parrhesia]

-Chapter 3:: Breached-

::Metropolis::

"Yoo-hoooo~! Gaaaleeen!"

whyyyyy

Galen heard a singsongy voice, prompting him to wake up from his unconsciousness. He turned to the source of the voice. It was a young woman about his age, strikingly beautiful and sexy. She looked like one of those women he would fantasize spending the night with whenever he was reading another issue of Maxim…

If this is Jolie, Galen has low standards.

"Am I dreaming again…?" he muttered.

"No you silly hunky heartthrob."

"Oh. Then why are my boxers so moist?"

Jolie giggled before slapping his shoulder. That jolted Galen in pain, "Ow…" he held onto his bruised shoulder.

"You're in the Starlight University nursery." Jolie said, "I brought you here."

Galen couldn't stop staring at Jolie. It wasn't a dream. He was facing a hot girl.

This doesn't often happen to Galen, because most women are repulsed by him.

Also, apparently Fancy is unattractive. I believe this is the first we've heard of her appearance, which I now choose to envision thus;

"Are you…?"

"...desperate enough to fuck?"

he tried to finish the sentence but didn't want to end up sounding stupid,

That hasn't stopped THE ENTIRE REST OF THE PLOT from happening.

mistaking the girl for someone else. He paused.

"Jolie Tisdale." Jolie introduced herself, "Socialite, supermodel, heiress, fashion designer, media personality, and now, your new girlfriend."

Useless member of society, will use you as an ATM, far above your social status, far below your 'motherfucking dragon' status, will find herself unemployed if she ever finds herself in a normal weight range. Let's fuck!

Okay, now he was dreaming, "Riiiight." He said, staring back at Jolie strangely. He then felt the wind passing through the window and noticed something was wrong, "Err… Jolie?"

"Hmm?"

"I just remembered my rare strain of erectile dysfunction. ... I think my cock just broke."

"Am I wearing a shirt?"

"Of course not, silly!" Jolie chuckled just in time for Galen to notice he was shirtless.

REALLY NOW

THE RESPONSE OF "NO" TO THE QUERY "AM I CLOTHED IN A SHIRT" MEANS YOU ARE WITHOUT A SHIRT

AMAZING

His eyes went wide, as he quickly grabbed a bed sheet and covered himself. Then Jolie asked, "Oh and uh, by the way, you look cute and all, but seriously, what's the deal with these two huge scars on your back?" she cringed, "They're like, nasty!"

YOU JUST SAW HIM DRIVE INTO A WALL, YOU DOUGHY BITCH

Galen sighed exasperatedly, feeling busted. Those were the scars of his Dragon wings and that's what he was trying to hide. "Well, I…" he thought for a second before quickly coming up with the perfect lie, "I was on this one reality show called The X-Factor where I had to walk on a skinny rope over a pool of spikes, and I fell."

I knew someone who went on to sing in the X-Factor... auditions. They fucked over everyone else in their acting group for the opportunity to fail miserably at holding a note for a few fucking seconds. Their selfishness cost us financially, as well, but the dumb bitch had money enough to pay us back, no doubt. It's good to know that between her and Galen that series can burn in hell forever.

Jolie gasped, her eyes went wide in shock. "Yeah…" Galen said on cue, "Tough competition for tough guys like me."

Jolie looked lost, "But The X-Factor is a singing competition."

There was an uneasy silence for a second. Then Galen quickly added, "It's the other one. Yeah, the one with all the dangers. Parental discretion advised and Rated-M."

Jolie gasped again, totally buying it, "Oh my gosh!" she squealed, almost in tears, "I'm so sorry! Does it hurt?"

the fact that she's this gullible is a bad sign

I can tell this will be a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

"Oh, hell yeah!" Galen said, reminiscing the first time he grew Dragon wings. Dang did they hurt before. "They were before, but it's okay now. Don't think about putting alcohol in there though, 'cuz…" he hissed, picturing how painful the process would be. Jolie shuddered at the same thought, and quickly went for Galen's pink and white shirt ensemble.

"Here!" she tossed them to him, "We shouldn't let the nurse see it! She's a real psycho for healing wounds. Anyway, I gotta go!"

Jolie leaned in to kiss Galen on the cheek. A friendly kiss. Galen blushed. Jolie stopped for a second to feel his exposed chest, "ooOh~!" she muttered, then quickly pulled away.

the fuck was any of that

"TTFN, honey!

... Yeah, talk to... forlorn... narcissists. To you. Too. Bitch.

At Lunchtime? Okay!" she waved before walking away, with her white mini skirt swishing again… Chui, Chui, Chui.

stop saying that

Thepink-faced Galen

Yes, that is the natural colour of Caucasian skin.

couldn't stop staring at her walking away back to the school halls, impressed.

Impressed at what? Supermodels do NOT have impressive asses. "Damn." He mouthed.

Galen quickly dressed up.

Muhee! Hee! Hee! Hee! Hee! Hee! Hee! Hee!

He suddenly stopped. Something was wrong around him. He could hear things.

MUEHH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH! EH!

I'm sorry, is this meant to be menacing? The Count of Sesame Street laughs with more effect than this, for christ's sake!

He definitely heard that. He turned around, seeing his reflection through the window. But it wasn't his reflection he saw. He saw gleaming left eye and shark teeth.

GLEAMING LEFT EYE and SHARK TEETH sound like awesome names for barbarian tribesmen, but this story is too shit to have that, so my money's on bad grammar.

GNYAAAAAAAAAAAHH!

Oh, come on.

HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA! HAA!

"AAAH!" He jumped, startled. "What the hell was that?" he exclaimed.

The reflection vanished.

"All right, that's it!" he said, frowning, "I can't take this anymore!"

You're being stalked by a pantomime villain! Run for it!

(quote tag limit)

[Parrhesia]

FECafe now has the full version!

The library at Starlight University was as quiet as usual. Fancy was seen, strolling down between bookshelves, looking around when she heard squealing girls nearby.

Eeep.

I know!

Eeep!

I know!

EEEEP!

I KNOW!

Narrator, are you high

"Huh? What's going on?" She went up to see Jolie Tisdale talking to a couple of girlfriends who had mesmerizing dazzled eyes as if in love. They were three of them and all of them were dressed up like Jolie: all popular, and all-clones.

Are they literally clones? Because no free-thinking girl would ACTUALLY LIKE this bitch.

"Ugh…it's her again." She muttered, frowning, before she hid behind the bookshelf to listen to their conversation.

"Are you serious?" one of Jolie's girls asked her.

"Drop… dead... gorgeously… serious!"

Try saying this while pausing that much between each word. Does it seriously sound like something anyone would say? DO YOU KNOW WHAT A WOMAN IS?

Jolie squealed and the girls squealed in reply before dreamily turning to the person Jolie had her eyes on. Fancy decided to peek in. What were they staring at that was adorable? She could only guess: Galen!

And she was right. The girls were watching Galen sitting by a table all alone at the study area of the library.

"I cannot believe you actually felt his body." the second one of Jolie's girls said to her, "That's like a dream come true, even for you."

His brutally scarred, pampered, soft, college freshman's body.

"I know… I'm perfect." Jolie said, flipping up her hair up haughtily, "Now to put the icing on a cake. He will never resist this."

You know, by now, him ending as your husband and cash register would be a pretty

great ending if both of you died somehow.

"Ugh…" Fancy frowned in disgust, "That diva chick is pissing me off on so many levels." She then turned her attention to Galen, noticing him perplexed. "Something's wrong with Galen," she thought, "I wonder what it is?"

Fancy, he finds Jolie an enticing prospect. THAT is something horrifically warped.

"Huh? You guys want me to come right away?" Galen asked two miniature versions of Mist and Mia who were placed in a holographic image of the Mainal Cathedral. The figurines nodded with smiles on their faces.

MAI 3D FIGURINE WAIFU

"Why? Is it bad?" he asked, already knowing something was really wrong, and he wasn't imagining things before.

"NO, you silly!" Mia scoffed,

Yes, the mercenary and veteran of two wars who has killed men with vigour in battle is calling someone a 'silly'.

"We're inviting you to a grand Royal Wedding Day!"

"Huh? Wedding?" Galen blinked in surprise.

Galen, always quick on the uptake.

"Ike and Elincia are getting betrothed." Mia whispered, "And we are inviting you to celebrate their matrimony."

"Ike and Elincia are getting married?" Galen shouted out.

You are in a library, TALKING TO TWO MINIATURES. One of them is WHISPERING to you. You SHOULD NOT SHOUT OUT IN RESPONSE. You BERK.

"And it's not just them. Lord Eliwood, Lady Ninian, Prince Marth and Princess Caeda are getting betrothed too?"

"I use inflection so that declarative sentences become questions? This gets really annoying? Someone should fucking knife me through the fucking face until I fucking stop?"

"A TRIPLE wedding?" Galen wowed, "And I wasn't invited to NONE of them?

YOU ARE BEING INVITED YOU TOTAL DIV

Aw, come on! I understand Eliwood, because he's getting older and well, pssht; forgetting all the time was bound to happen, and Prince Marth barely knows me, but Ike! I thought Ike and I were tight!"

You better believe Ike thinks you're tight.

I'm implying he wants to fuck you from behind.

Mia and Mist looked awkwardly at Galen.

"Wait. We aren't really that close too… really." Galen mumbled, sweatdrop.

Yes, sweatdrop. This makes sense to put as a word here, sweatdrop.

"Uh…" a nervous Mist faced Mia, "Maybe we shouldn't have told Galen."

This is the smartest thing anyone has said so far in the entire story.

"What?" Mia exclaimed, "What are you talking about? This was your idea!"

"But I was so excited and weak!" Mist nervously scratched her head, sweatdrop;

... Is her head named Sweatdrop? What?

she then snapped at Mia

MIST IS TOO NAIVE AND STUPID AND USELESS TO SNAP AT SOMEONE BETTER THAN SHE IS IN A LIBRARY

"And you pushed me to do it instead of helping me up when I'm weak!"

"I didn't push you! I nudged you!" Mia snapped back, "and boy, are you some weakling. Maybe challenging you in swordplay matches isn't such good idea."

"Hey!" Mist threatened, "I'm not a weakling and you know what I'm talking about! If Ike finds out we invited Galen, and then Galen invite his friends from his world, and then his friends invite their friendsfrom their world, he's gonna have a cattle!"

And then Galen was thrown out of the library for being a nuisance.

"Just Ike? Haven't you thought about Eliwood and Marth? They'll be pretty mad too!"

"Aw…"

As the girls were arguing on whether or not they did the right thing telling Galen about the upcoming triple nuptial, Galen quickly peeked around the library to see if no one was watching, before facing the miniature girls again, "Uh… girls?"

Mist and Mia stopped fighting and turned to his attention.

Galen stopped jacking off to the catfight, deeply disappointed.

"Everything okay?"

"Oh, Of course everything's okay!" Mis giggled nervously, "With the wedding and all, nothing says peace like holy triple matrimony."

"So no war, or any threat?" Galen seriously asked, "Nothing from Daein and Bern?"

"Nothing from these two countries." Mia replied, and Galen finally let out a sigh of relief after all that time of pointless worrying when everything was fine in the FE World.

Because only those two countries can produce great evil.

"Why, is something wrong?" Mia asked.

"No. Nothing." Galen smiled, "Anyway, send us a card! Oh wait, scratch that! Send us a… uh… scroll? Yeah, that's it!"

Galen snapped his finger and the holographic field with Mia and Mist's figurines vanished in a flash of light.

"Galen!"

Galen quickly stood up, startled. He saw Jolie with her girl posse. Jolie batted her eyelashes cutely and Galen's eyes once again got mesmerized by her stunning beauty and magical sexiness around her.

shut the fuck up, galen

"Oh," he blushed, "it's you… uh…"

"Jolie!" Jolie introduced herself, "Jolie Tisdale! Yeah, hi. I believe we haven't officially met yet!"

what

Galen looked confused. But they did meet back at the Nurse's Office, "Uh… didn't we already…?"

"I'm talking about meeting each other…" Jolie then stared back at her girl friends from eye's corner, smiling, "…as boyfriend and girlfriend." The girls giggled in response.

this

isn't how relationships work

"Oh!" Galen jumped; his face sank to complete panic. He had never, ever felt this way about a girl before, especially a voluptuous chick like Jolie

Voluptuous women don't get to be supermodels. Whatever your thoughts about what makes an attractive woman, the curvy ones get shafted when it comes to modelling. So do the merely slender ones. MODELS ARE FUCKING TINY.

"Uhh…" he muttered as if trying to say something.

"Yeah! So wanna hang out sometimes?" Jolie batted her eyelashes continuously, "As boyfriend and girlfriend.

I HAVE HEARD THAT PEOPLE IN RELATIONSHIPS DO ENGAGE IN 'HANGING OUT' AT TIMES

Your nooks are my crannies.

worst pickup line ever My secrets are your secrets."

"Uhh… Well… Uhhh…" Galen felt in a compromising position.

"GRRRR!" A growling Fancy who was watching nearby, finally stepped out of her hiding place to confront the girls. "Hey! So what's going on here?" she sounded almost mad.

"Fancy!" Jolie broadly smiled at her, "fancy seeing you here. We were just talking to your good friend, Galen."

Fancy now turned toward Galen. Galen still looked weird for a second, but then he quickly got his confidence back, "Yeah! We were just talkin'. Babbling. Balking like a couple of snobs. Nuttin' big."

what was any of

NUTTIN' big? Are you trying to be gangsta now or some shit?

Suddenly Jolie burst out laughing and the girls joined in without question. "Oh you!" Jolie teasingly slapped Galen's shoulder. "You're so funny!"

Galen's nervousness came back anew…

...just as his cock retreated still further.

but then he looked a bit confused as well.

Jolie then faced Fancy, "your Ex is soooo funny. I don't know why you ever broke up with him?"

This

what?

That pissed off Fancy. But that pissed her off more when she saw Jolie feeling Galen's biceps and squeaking "ooOh!" as the girls were fawning over.

There's a word for that in Western countries. Yeah, we call that 'sexual harassment'.

Fancy let out a scoff instead, trying to keep her cool. "You disgust me."

"Says the hag." Jolie countered.

whatchu talkin' about

"Witch." Fancy shot back, stepping up close to Jolie's face till they went nose-to-nose.

"Always been."

"YEAH I'LL TELL HER THAT SHE'S CORRECT IN HER ASSERTION THAT I AM INDEED A WITCH THIS WILL WORK GO ME"

"Bottle Blonde"

Is... this tying into a hair colour joke?

"Gold digger."

but she isn't even

"Boy lover."

... This is an insult? ... To Galen? Is Galen being called a boy? I don't even understand!

"Bra stuffer."

"I hate you."

I like how Fancy just gives up after a while.

"Like I care." Jolie provocatively flipped her hair to Fancy's face before strolling away past her with her girl posse following behind. Fancy's face turned red as she faced Galen, anticipating a response.

But Galen looked entertained, "Whoa Oh! Was it just me, or was it getting hot in here?"

Everyone, meet the saviour of the multiverse.

"Who cares?" Fancy snapped, "Let's talk about you!"

Galen chuckled, "Me?"

Galen you are such a colossal tower of cunts

"Yes, you!" Fancy exclaimed, "First I wanna tell you, don't let that mangy beast of beauty get your claws on you. And second, you looked nervous earlier."

"First off, FUCK YOU! oh and you look a little pale are you eating alright?"

"Nervous." Galen quickly said, "What are you talking about I looked nervous."

"Like something was bothering you." Fancy said, "Does this have to do with the Fire Emblem World?"

"Fire Emblem World?" Galen said, "That world that I sealed a year ago? Nah!" Galen smiled, "Nothing to worry about. Why's that?"

"Uh… well…" Fancy hesitated. She could have sworn she saw Galen talking with two miniatures characters just now.

Maybe he's just insane?

But since he said everything was okay, she smiled back, reassured, "…no reason. Hey, you still up for the shopping spree this afternoon at the Mall?"

"Awww…" Galen sighed, but Fancy said, "Oh, come on! It's gonna be fun! We're gonna be meeting Belle, David…"

Jolie who was watching from nearby, came out of her hiding place and smiled. Her girl posse followed behind.

"…but not without me in your invite, honey." She said and the girls giggled on cue.

"... Actually I'm pretty sure we can go on without you. And get a restraining order on our way."

::Fire Emblem World::

Castle Ostia's grand Audience Chamber quickly got packed up with people from all over the Fire Emblem world. Eliwood, Marth, and Ike were waiting at the altar, for the ceremony to start and for their respective brides to come to the altar. The grooms' best men were there too, enjoying this beautiful moment: Hector, Merric, and Ranulf. They all looked at each other and smiled. This was going to be a beautiful event.

As everyone took their places for the ceremony, Mist and Mia entered the chapel, looking all nervous. Ike spotted them and gave them a wary look. The girls grinned and waved at him, reassuring him that everything was fine. Ike sighed and smiled back.

Finally the wedding march started and everyone stood up to watch one by one the brides coming in: Ninian, escorted by her brother Nils, Elincia, escorted by her uncle Renning, and Caeda, escorted by Talys mercenary Ogma. All three brides were ravishing in their wedding dresses.

god, this is so fucking boring

Finally the brides stepped into the altar and faced their respective grooms, all smiles. This was truly a beautiful moment.

Then Shiida belched.

Bishop Boah took the podium and opened his mouth to initiate the ceremony.

"Dearly Beloved." He began, "We are gathered here today at the sight of our Lord Creator, to join these couples—Eliwood and Ninian, Marth and Caeda, Ike and Elincia—in holy matrimony."

okay

woo

... Wait, why is an Archanean bishop allowed to proceed over a wedding that is as much of the Tellian and Elibian faiths? This is an outrage! ... Nah, fuck that, that would require you to put thought into this. Next!

::Abyssus::

Hell's Depth

Demons were watching the Ceremony unfolding.

Holy Matrimony. More like Sinful Matrimony.

ICE BURN

YEEEEEEAAAAAH HAAA! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK!

YEEEEEE-EEEEEE-AAAAAH HAAA! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK!

YEEEEEE-EEEEEE- EEEEEE-EEEEEE-EEEEEE-AAAAAH-AAAAAH-AAAAAH-AAAAAH-AAAAAH! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK!

SIIIILENCE!

... Narrator? Are you quite alright?

The Demons turned to face the booming voice of the Destroyer. Its identity still showing the teeth and all, but not its real face.

Pooortal has been breached. Take ova! NOOOW!

The Demons flew over and around Hell's Depth, laughing creepily some more.

Let's see how creepy this gets.

YEEEEEEAAAAAH HAAA! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK!

Take them down! FIIIIND HIM!

YEEEEEE-EEEEEE-AAAAAH HAAA! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK!

Sacrifiiiice! MOOOORE SACRIFIIIICE!

YEEEEEE-EEEEEE- EEEEEE-EEEEEE-EEEEEE-AAAAAH-AAAAAH-AAAAAH-AAAAAH-AAAAAH! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK!

RIDE OF THE BUMBLING PANTOMINIONS

no seriously this is shit and you should feel like shit for shitting out this shit and thinking it was the shit and that you were hot shit for writing this shit

but you're not

you're shit

Edited June 6, 2012 by Furetchen

[Klokinator]

Also, I think Jolie Tisdale is supposed to be like uh, Ashley Tisdale, from highschool musical? Tisdale is a pretty weird name.

HOLY SHIT THE CHARACTER DESCRIPTION FUCKING FITS

Edited May 20, 2012 by Adolf Klokler

[Parrhesia]

I WARNED YOU BRO

I WARNED YOU ABOUT MODERATORS

-Chapter 4:: Reunion-

::Fire Emblem World::

The triple wedding of Marth and Caeda, Eliwood and Ninian, and Ike and Elincia was about to start at Castle Ostia's crowded Audience chamber.

*yawn*

"Dearly Beloved." Bishop Boah [Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon]

I hate you so goddamn much.

began the ceremony, "We are gathered here today at the sight of our Lord Creator

WHICH ONE, YOU TWERP

to join these couples—Eliwood and Ninian, Marth and Caeda, Ike and Elincia—in holy matrimony."

really

is that what's happening

cause the text immediately proceeding it was soooooo fucking ambiguous

"Well, looks like we're having a wedding," interrupted a voice in the chamber. Everyone looked confusedly at Bishop Boah. Bishop Boah shrugged, "I didn't say that." he confessed.

The voice in the chamber is somewhat slow to catch on. ARE WE HAVING A WEDDING?

"Then, who did?" Ike asked, looking serious.

"It's a triple wedding even! And we were NOT invited!" Another voice, who sounded fiendish like a snitch,

... what?

spoke in the room and everyone started looking around for the people who spoke, panicking, as they saw nobody. It was as if a ghost was speaking. Or a god!

oh no these characters i care so much about

Suddenly the entire chamber darkened, elevating the panic, "Here's what we do to people who don't invite us to weddings!"

"We spew one-liners while we wait for the real antagonist to get here!"

Another voice expressed anger.

Without saying anything.

A dark matter appeared right behind Ninian and a hand came out of it, dragging her into its depths void.

"AHHHH!" Ninian screamed as she disappeared into the darkness. Everyone saw she was gone.

oh no that character who i really liked

"Ninian!" Eliwood shouted and jumped into the void but missed.

This is the best joke in the entire story. Are we meant to be laughing? Because the image of Eliwood leaping at a tear in the fabric of reality and MISSING is perfect comedy.

"Eliwood watch out!" Hector screamed for his friend who watched part of the ceiling falling down on him. He nimbly dodged the blow.

WHAT blow? Did Hector just up and belt him one?

Suddenly everyone went screaming in panic

There's nothing sudden about that. You've been telling me they've been panicking for fucking ages now.

as the darkness started materializing demons, with jaws larger than piranhas', eyes bigger than baseballs

"DAMN, Gordin!" shouted Jagen. "Those eyes must be bigger than baseballs!"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS A BASEBALL" Gordin screamed back.

and spread apart from each other, and their skins looking like they were spoiling rotten.

'Spoiled rotten' together sort of implies that they are a walking ATM flowing from their parents' credit account. Spoiled (which wouldn't really work there) or rotting, not both.

Ike unsheathed his blade, "Creatures!"

Ike, showing his trademark intellect.

he yelled out, "What are they?"

Everyone unsheathed their blades as well.

Even the altar boys.

"HEEEEELP!" They heard more screams and more spooky laughter. The heroes saw Caeda and Elincia were gone also.

"Caeda!" Marth cried out.

"Elincia!" Ike cried out.

Then Lilina, the daughter of Hector and fiancé to Roy also got dragged into the dark matter.

oh no that character who was literally just introduced

"Roy! FATHER!" She screamed out.

"Lilina!" both Roy and Hector cried out.

The Greil's Mercenaries, and the Empress Sanaki joined the heroes grooms.

"Something's happening!" Marth informed the heroes.

Marth is an unparalleled tactical genius. None can match his speed at grasping the essential details of a battle.

"You think?" Hector exclaimed, "They've taken my daughter!"

"This is no regular enemies we're facing!" Bishop Boah exclaimed, "This is madness!"

This is improper grammar!

"Run for safety!" Sanaki ordered and everyone went for safety.

This sentence is bad and stupid. Unless this was Axe Cop, which in fairness this does sound like a shitty attempt at writing from the point of view of someone who isn't five but IS remarkably devoid of talent.

...

FINE I'LL INCLUDE SOMETHING THAT ISN'T JUST AN AD HOMINEM ATTACK

It's completely redundant to have both of those sentence elements there.

But the demons cornered them and batting their wings up, they charged toward the heroes at full-force. The heroes had no choice but to fight them, but the demons were too fast and smart for them.

they really don't seem all that smart

The demons, like blades coming full-force, pierced through the Greil's Mercenaries, eliminating all of them. Then they pierced right through Bishop Boa and Sanaki.

"No!"

"This way! Hurry!"

I... can only assume that these are Boah's and Sanaki's last words.

The demons kept on ravaging everywhere in the cathedral, destroying walls and shattering chandeliers. The whole place felt like one of those inevitable freak accidents from the Final Destination movies.

You have got to be fucking kidding me.

The remaining heroes had no choice but to flee. A demon knocked out part of the cathedral's ceiling, blocking Marth and Ike's paths. Then another ceiling went down on them. Hector, Eliwood, Roy and Marth kept on going for the exit.

His exit is blocked. You, like, JUST SAID SO.

A demon rushed over to Hector and Eliwood, taking them out.

Fuck they're pathetic.

"Father!" Roy shouted out.

"Come on!" Marth ordered.

... from behind the impassable wall.

Then a demon appeared in flames. Its glowing eyes beamed, and turned to face Roy. It let out a shout and its mouth suddenly shot out thousand of swords. Marth jumped to Roy's way and took the blow.

"Marth! No!" Roy screamed, before falling down on his knee to hold onto his friend.

YEEEEEEAAAAAH HAAA! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK! YEEAACK!

Oh no! Okay, in fairness, Marth is pretty badass for jumping through an impassable wall and taking a thousand swords to the face for a foreigner he's probably never seen before today. But ... Marth? Why did you have to die for ROY?

The demons were laughing. Roy looked up and saw what was coming down: the rest of the ceiling!

xXx

::Metropolis Shopping Mall::

You suck at pacing so fucking badly.

Edited June 6, 2012 by Furetchen

[Baldrick]

Well, I have to admire your flagrancy, if nothing else.

[eclipse]

Author hasn't been back since April 23. Given the fact that these are fanfiction.net stories streaming through someone's DA account, I think a little verbal smacking isn't uncalled for.

[Parrhesia]

Author hasn't been back since April 23. Given the fact that these are fanfiction.net stories streaming through someone's DA account, I think a little verbal smacking isn't uncalled for.

I HATE YOU.

Hm...

Oh well~

[Shuuda]

Author hasn't been back since April 23. Given the fact that these are fanfiction.net stories streaming through someone's DA account, I think a little verbal smacking isn't uncalled for.

I think there was a little more than just a verbal smacking going on here, don't you? Not that's your job to decide that anyway. I'll state it here that I don't care how bad you think his writing is, it doesn't justify people flaming him.

[eclipse]

I understand.

[Parrhesia]

Well, I have officially received a STRONGLY-WORDED PM that I'm apparently schizo and/or failing school, and that I am in fact only JEALOUS of the IMMENSE TALENTS put to this work of art.

I think he might be mad.

New update posted tomorrow! ... Hopefully no longer classified as flaming, but let's be honest, what are the chances?

[miiworld2]

To those people who have been criticizing my story and my writing style just because they choose to listen to one flamer, do you really think that listening to one mind will actually make you think any less of me and my talent than expected? If you're curious, at least give it a chance to read it rather than adding fuel to the fire.

But I'll tell you what, if it makes you feel any better, how about you guys just lock this topic up and be done with it. IF and that's a big IF someone out there wants to actually read my story, they can go ahead and find it themselves, because I am done with this community, considering that I am detesting this blood-filled atmosphere when I actually thought that it would be a fun place to interact with fans like me. And posting this story was a start. Plus this writing is supposed to be for fun. Unless there's some rules that says that all writing must reach the level of JRR Tolkien or William Shakespeare, then this makes writing very less fun and more stressful like homework. Homework just for what? To please people? But obviously I was wrong as everyone seem to think that I suck at writing when clearly I am not. Don't think so? Read the reviews posted on those links. I am excellent at writing and damn proud of it.

So there you have it, I'm done posting in this topic, or this community. And don't bother replying because I'm not gonna bother answering. Have a nice life and God bless.

I think he might be mad.

You think?!

Edited August 7, 2012 by miiworld2

[Nanami Touko]

Your arguments are truly the stuff of legendary debates.

See you!

[Shuuda]

I'm just going to leave this locked for a day or two so things can cool off. This brought back some happy memories.

I R goodz mody-rator.

Edited August 7, 2012 by Shuuda

[eclipse]

Now that I can comment. . .

TC, why are you linking your fanfiction.net story through DA?

[Sunwoo]

Guys ... I know that his writing wasn't stellar. I did look through it myself. But there really wasn't a need to flame his pants off over it. I responded to the PM he sent me by apologizing if I had said anything that offended him (because I'd honestly forgotten if I did), then gave my honest opinion that the story was difficult to read, the characters did not interest me, and that it felt poorly written and narrated. And he did respond civilly when I gave him my honest opinion that yes, the story was terrible, but these are the reasons why and I'll let you know exactly the reasons why.

So really ... all this flaming was seriously unnecessary. This guy actually listened to some advice.

[Rapier]

Not to mention flamming does the exact opposite of incentivation. So when you do it, you're flamming the person and not actually helping him with a critic.

I didn't like the story and the characters too, by the way.

[Baldrick]

It's always better to try and talk things out like adults, but some people find it easier to resort to violence, and many people would rather watch a violent resolution than a peaceful one.

EDIT: If OP ever comes back,

A few things:

Grammar, spelling, syntax, etc. It's a minor thing, but it would make it much easier to read (maybe it's just me).

"Something happened that was like X movie/book/game, so I don't have to describe it". Don't do that.

Characterisation was not great. There aren't really any shades of gray with the heroes and villains, and it seems like you wrote the story first, then filled in the names of the FE characters later, madlibs style.

The protagonist is a tiny bit of a Gary Stu. Just a touch.

Edited August 10, 2012 by Baldrick