Saint Rubenio

Okay, Zolamap done. Mostly. I say mostly because... this really should've been a kill boss map. I think killing the boss ended the reinforcements, but that still means I have to walk all the way to the stationary knight-and-mage pairs on the eastern and western sides of the map. Meh. Could be worse, could be Radiant Dawn. I don't usually use its bosses, Kana is Kana and there's virtually no loot to be had, but hey, a chapter is a chapter. Support grinding is important!

I quoted the wrong thing. Meant to quote Sooks telling me about Corrin being Corrin. Good job, Ruben.

God fucking damnit. I had a plan to exactly intercept the outlaw with the speedwing... and then my goldfish brain proceeded to completely forget in 10 seconds and use Azura for something else. So now I have to pray that the outlaw doesn't escape through the stairs, because if he does, I lose 20 minutes of my life. Great. Oh thank God, no, they have to exit the building. Phew... Gotta say, this game is being a lot more lenient with its thief routes than some other games in the series. Uhh... Look, no offense to the man, he was a great support bot for Sully until he died in the final chapter alongside everyone else, but... Yeah, I don't think I mind. Kana can sit on the bench.

Hoo, boy... I've heard things, but I can't wait to see it for myself. Imagine me using Kana lol

Ahahahahahah! The reason Zola's plan failed in this route is that... he was too close to the real thing! Perfect! Also, he really gained five troops he didn't have before completely out of the blue and didn't question it. What an idiot...

Forgive me.

Nah, nah, I think Fates's fanservice making me cringe so hard I literally break my spine is closer to the truth.

Jesus Christ, I think Shura might have some competition. This girl's making me laugh too much. Fates breaks my spine? That's a unique one... But I guess there's some truth to it. Also, I can't help but find it a bit jarring that both the bird and Krystal are voiced by Joanna Dark. I don't know, it's just not what I was expecting.

I regret to inform that Mozu has suffered a tragic accident. Eh, Setsuna has gotten levels. I can still consider this a success.

I did read them. I saw no reason to rag on Silas for them. Quite the opposite - in a "meta" sense, it's Elise's fault. You see, Elise's character very blatantly exists (partially, I would prefer to think) to serve a purpose: To fulfill the "little sister" fantasies of certain parts of the target demographic. She's fanservice, just a slightly different kind than the likes of Camilla. Thus, I wouldn't hold that support against Silas because in it, Silas is not Silas - he's just a vehicle to expedite the "pretend onii-chan" scenario for the target demographic's enjoyment. Silas was picked because his personality is closer to suiting the scenario than someone like, say, Laslow. That's all there is to it, I think. There's more reason to chastise the writers of the game than Silas's character for that. Here, on the other hand, Silas is just being a dickhead because he feels like it. There's no reason for it, and he's characterized as a kind and polite person, so it's kind of a weird move for him to just randomly come out of nowhere and go "you suck Hana, your terrible fighting reflects poorly on your liege and makes me think she sucks too." It feels like they didn't have any ideas for this convo, so they just went with the first thing they came up. Which, apparently, was a diet version of Felicia and Leo C. ...Or, maybe I'm just a cynical asshole who reads too much into shit. I suppose that's also a possibility. But yeah, in summary, that's my reason for not feeling anything about the Elise support: The intent of it was so obvious to me that I just went "oh, classic Fates!" and took it in stride. When something like that happens in the same game as the "camera flies into Camilla's dirigibles" cutscene, there's hardly any reason to be surprised or to take it all too seriously.

We got a child. He's basically Ricken but without the oversized hat, and his daughter's Tharja of all people. Bench. Also, I read Azama and Setsuna C, where he tried to be a jerk and make me hate him, but Setsuna is such a complete, adorable dumbass that I couldn't hate anything. She's just wonderful. The one that kinda irked me was Hana and Silas C. Silas just randomly decided he wanted to tell Hana that she sucks for no good reason. What? Why? This is the kind of crap I'd expect from that shitstain Leo, not you... After dinner I'll grab Mozu so she can keep Ricken 2 company in the bench.

Oh hey, Fuga has half a brain in this route. Nice. Or maybe he just gained some sense after Setsuna put an arrow in his shiny lightbulb and realized "hey none of this makes any damn sense".

I am a rather predictable man when it comes to FE. You just need to not be fanservice, a loli or overpowered, and you're good in my book. I mean, I don't want to use Sophie. I just want Nichol, more than anything. Yeah, I get it, but... Well, I don't like it. I would've much prefered a cast of original kids. The Conquest three are okay, at least they're themselves and they come for free, but the kids feel like kind of a waste after all the effort to get them. She's certainly more up my alley, that much is true.

Setsuna kills a dude. Setsuna: I'm happeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh~ Okay, I already love her, this woman is going to kill Garon. Oh yeah, he kinda does look like a fat Kellamn with pink hair. I just hope he actually gets noticed by people. I need him to talk to Kaze three times in order to prevent the arbitrary shenanigans from happening. Because I am the same guy who benches all the Nohrian royals. I mean, c'mon. That's... actually the same amount of capturable bosses as the Conquest paralogues. Aside from the ones available in both routes, Conquest has Senno, Zhara and Gazzak, whereas Birthright has Funke, Daichi and Tarba. It's only in the main story where Birthright loses out, with only Daniela as opposed to both Kumagera and Haitaka. Of course, the loss of Haitaka is bad enough, that man is epic. Guess they had to give Oboro a chance somehow. If I need a redhead pegasus I'll use Hinoka, thank you very much. Okay. Well, I'm probably going to use her. I'm thinking of marrying her to Silas. I mean, she exists, and surely she'll make for a better Sophie than friggin' Elise. I never intended to get her. Cordelia Awakening 2: Electric Boogaloo, I mean. Hinoka is kinda hard to miss. Not gonna lie, Birthright's kid selection is way worse than Conquest's. If only because they wasted three kids on dumb Awakening callbacks. Why... weren't the Conquest three enough?

Desert chapter already? You've got to be kidding me... Right after I reclassed Fishtail to knight, too. Now on top of looking positively ridiculous, he's going to be slowed down to a crawl. Damn... Hana, probably. Not as sure about Subaki. It is rather cool, but I have too many things going against him. The hell am I looking at. And... well, you know what my question is. Are there any capturable bosses in her paralogue? ...No. No there aren't. Ahh, that's truly a shame...

Chapter 7 done. That was not too bad. Well, until my lack of an attention span decided to give Hana a kill... except she couldn't kill it, so I almost got Subaki killed. Thankfully Fishtail has gotten nothing more than speed in his life, so he was just barely able to double the archer next to Subaki with a pair up. Then Saizo and Orochi appeared. I want Orochi for the captures. Saizo, though... I still hold a grudge from the time I played Heroes for 2 hours and I got like 5 Saizos and no Wryses, his son is a dumb copy of a character that I already cared nothing for in Awakening, and the only thing I'd get out of his paralogue is Funke, who sports a great design but is otherwise just bootleg Candace. Bootleg Candace is not a good position to be in. So fuck Saizo. I missed the heal and it hit Camilla's baloneys. The Kaga approach.

I love how the intro changes based on the route you take. Honestly, favorite intro in any game of the series. Pretty much only beaten by Berwick, and... I have to wonder if that's merely Berwick bias, because this is just so good.

Aaaaaaand there we go, finally. With the strategy down, it was simple enough. I was just fixated on the "big crown prince duel" from Conquest, when really, the right choice was to have Ryoma take out a generic cavalier instead. Rinkah got her Camilla kill and a decent level for it, and then for absolutely no reason I postponed Xander's defeat so I could have Hinoka blast Elise away. There really was no reason to do it, but it made me so very happy.

Oh. Oho, oooohh... Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice. Very nice. Great, great, good, yeah. Was Kaga secretly behind this game, or were they following his notes more closely than usual?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH RINKAH COULD KILL CAMILLA BUT THEN I HEALED HER LIKE AN IDIOT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH Well, that's a reset. I mean, doesn't need to be, but I want her to get that kill. Can't say I'm too upset about losing Fishtail's 5th HP and magic level. Perhaps this time I can see if there's any way to stop him from getting it yet again... Last I checked, the RNG in this game doesn't work like that, it changes on each reset, so I don't understand how he got the same awful level 5 times in a row... Am I just that lucky?

I had to reset 5 times. Fishtail got the same HP and magic level in each attempt, somehow. I am really worried about him. He's growing as horrendously as Kabbãge in my first run, and we know how that ended. ...Also, I'm not sure if I should've been so happy to watch these idiots die. I had a big smirk in my face and everything when Elise bit the dust. If nothing else, this is gonna be fun for that alone... Ryoma can't one-round him and nobody else can reach. Actually, as it turns out, the strat is the exact opposite of this. Ignore the blonde moron and instead have Ryoma obliterate Leo or the cavalier next to him. Then Takumi and Hinoka, neither of whom die to Xander, can handle the one left. That way, we are able to survive long enough for Xander to charge recklessly and put himself in a position where we can easily dispatch him.

I like how the easier route starts with a way harder chapter 6. All because Xander has ten billion move and starts right next to everyone. Fight Ryoma, you coward! Stop going after my scrubs! Didn't look like it to me... I mean, they were a little sturdier, but beyond that, it was the same deal: Pair up Rinkah and Fishtail, then let them tank stuff while Kaze debuffs the odd faceless and Ryoma steals experience. It wasn't the shitshow that chapter 5 was. I haven't been too fond of him since I first saw how he treats his son. And his wife. And... really anyone. He's a condescending, intolerant piece of shit, which I guess is a bit better than that the big tiddy psychopath, but... It's still not very nice. Maybe I could've. Eh, who cares. It's not like everyone dying matters, you know. I hope I won't regret this...

I think the best part about this Hoshido run is that I get to wipe the condescending smirk off of Leo's ugly mug. ...Oh wait, that's right-- He lives. I know that he lives. Because fuck it, Fates has to be hilarious all the time. Still, gonna be good to beat the shit out of him, at least. He's going to be the real disgrace by the time I'm done with him.

And there we go. Almost the entire team still died, but Ryoma's survival allowed him to kill half the mages, ensuring Azura made it. What a shitshow that was. But who cares, they all came back next map with their stats and all. When you know that happens, it becomes a lot harder to care about what happens in these early maps. However, Fishtail never recovered from the traumatic experience of watching everybody around him get torn to pieces... He has transformed into Zyne the 8th. Glory to Hoshido! Everyone prefers the trap, huh... I don't know, the rest were just as easy as in hard mode. It was just this one that was ball crushingly difficult for no reason lol.

Holy shit, Ryoma killed Garbage man. Wow. Okay, so apparently the strategy is to given Fishtail the HP tonic (I would've never used it anyway), then get supremely lucky with Ryoma so he kills the boss and then goes after the enemies and takes out a mage or two for you. Oh, and sacrifice someone to pull them closer. There might be one spot where the HP tonic might've allowed Fishtail to just baaaaaaarely survive, but... honestly, I can't be bothered. They'll all come back in chapter 6 anyway. Who cares. It would be worse if I played on hard. I've heard Birthright hard is mindnumbingly easy. That's far worse.