Lemmings on the Run (part 2: not serious)

[eclipse]

I either catch up to where I am now (because I'm about to do a massive stat booster dump), or I do as much as my puny brain will let me.

Chapter 20x

*I don't know why I like this song, but I do*

-- Land Mine by taqumi

"This is a HORRIBLE place," lamented Abel, as the army marched down into the lava tubes, some of which still had lava in them.

"We must save those villagers from Grust," Marth reminded him. Abel pouted, which didn't exactly look cute on a grown man.

"The heat will totally wreck everyone's hair, and the styling products I use are so not gonna stay in place," the dejected hairdresser pointed out.

"Well, they'll be happy to see me~!" sang the clothes thief. Everyone glared at him, but he didn't notice.

"I'll be very happy NOT to see a bunch of armored men in their tighty whities," Gordin, Merric, Draug, and Tomas said simultaneously.

"How do you know that those enemies wear briefs?" Palla asked.

"I'm sure if you asked nicely, they'd tell you," sneered the sarcastic sage. The sniper sniveled and skedaddled.

"It's better than the boxers with pink hearts that you wear, Gordin," Tiki volunteered, despite the fact that no one was interested in such information.

"Sedgar. . .what do you think?" Merric asked the distracted. . .well, we're not sure what he is right now.

"Do I look like the type that is interested in men's underwear?" came the cranky answer.

"YES!" everyone whose hair wasn't blue chorused.

"Tomas. . .I have an apology to make. Your--" The bishop shook his head.

"No need to admit your burning desire for me here. That's what confessionals are for." Sedgar continued as if he hadn't been interrupted.

"--punching technique is extremely lacking. Instead of swinging from the shoulder, you swing from the hip. LIKE THIS!" Tomas did not have a chance to study this technique, because Sedgar had used him as the practice dummy. He crumpled into a holy heap and stayed there.

"Gordin, you need to work on dodging things. I'm going to swing my left fist into your solar plexus, and you're too slow to do anything about it." Gordin got as far as opening his mouth to protest before he went down.

"Anyone else think I want to discuss men's underwear?" the ticked-off Aurelian queried calmly, as he cracked his knuckles.

"Ehehehe. . .no, I'm sure you don't want anything to do with that discussion," Merric stated, a very noticeable squeak in his voice.

"Good. Let's go." Everyone that was able to followed Sedgar down into the caves.

Tiki slipped back to the two unconscious figures on the ground. With a childish giggle, and a surprising amount of strength, she dragged them next to each other. Before leaving them in peace, she took Gordin's hand, and placed it in Tomas'.

"You two are so adorable, holding hands in your sleep!" the dragon girl exclaimed, before running back into the caves.

Reclassed Sedgar to General.

Most of this was Tiki running around and gaining levels. The enemies are really, really sad, stat-wise. Not much else to say.

Chapter 21

*What happens when one gives an awesome song a terrible note chart? This.*

-- Soldier's Waltz by DAJI

"I wonder how those other losers are doing?" Sedgar mumbled to himself.

"Your wish is my command."

"What? No, stop, that was a rhetorical question!"

---

"I think that's everyone!" Roshea yelled over the din of moving furniture. Of course, nothing matched, but beggars couldn't be choosers. Some of it looked downright. . .human, like the coat rack Caeda had brought. One mysterious person brought something called a Wii, though how it could be used in a universe that had yet to discover the wonders of electricity was a mystery.

"Now, the super-secrets special surprise of this slumber party. . .is a Super Smash Brothers Brawl tournament!" Hardin announced. Confused murmurs ricocheted back and forth through the crowd. A heavily clothed figure fiddled with a piece of paper. The confusion was replaced with elation.

"Smash Brothers? There is no way Four Axes and a Sword will lose to the likes of you!"

"Hear that, Big C? They wanna lose to us!"

"Archanea's finest (prisoners) will seize THIS day!"

"Oooh! I, Caeda, princess of Talys, will beat you all up with Bowser!"

"Ma-ce-don! Ma-ce-don!"

"Aurelis won't lose to those flying horsies!"

"Altea is taking this, and that's final," an unfamiliar voice stated. A blue-haired man and a pink-haired girl had found their way into the party. The former held a TV. The latter carried a bunch of cables.

"It's about time you showed up, Frey and Norne!" the coat rack yelled.

"Hey, coat rack, be quiet!" Caeda yelled back.

"Sorry, princess," the coat rack apologized.

"There's only three rules in this tournament. First, no bombs. Second, random stages. Third, no Marth. We are all the representation Shadow Dragon needs! Huh, what did I just say?" Hardin shook his head in puzzlement, as the figure who had brought the Wii fiddled with a piece of paper.

"The matches will be random, and the one with the best record is the winner! First up, it's. . .Maria, Bantu, Dolph, and that loser Wolf. Hey Wolf, why did you write your name like that?" Wolf pointed to himself and shook his head.

"I'm illiterate, remember? I had Roshea write it for me. Hey, where did that brat go?! I'll deal with him after I deal with the lot of you!" With that statement from the future head of the Wolfguard, the first (and probably last) Smash Brothers tournament in Aurelis began.

Reclassed Sedgar to Hero.

My Hero sauntered towards the three initial generals, Hammer in hand. He then Hammered them back to their maker, and somehow baited the horses near the boss. Meanwhile, a random generic flying thing did my secret shopping. Gordin snuck in an Excaliblick, and Palla took great pleasure in grounding fliers. Merric taught the boss the correct way to ride a horse. I pulled this off before the first wave of reinforcements showed up (thank goodness).

Chapter 22

*despite the abundance of words, I can't understand a damn thing in the song*

-- JULIAN by cranky

"I get my own song? SWEET!"

"You're always the exception, Julian. Go figure out what your song says about you."

"Sorry, I'm not THAT good!"

---

"Blue hair ribbon?" Abel asked.

"Check," Julian responded.

"White apron?"

"Check."

"Brown robe with long, droopy sleeves?"

"Check."

"Do you know what this means, Julian?"

"Yes, I do. I do, Abel!"

The two men jumped up and down in a way I do not wish to describe grown men acting.

"TSUKIHIME COSPLAY SET COMPLETE! NEXT SET: KAGETSU TOYA!"

---

"You mean the two of you have been working to open and run the ultimate cosplay shop?!" Marth exclaimed, completely floored by the news.

"Yes. That's why I became a hairstylist!" Abel proudly proclaimed.

"You thought I was stealing clothes because I like seeing guys in their underwear? Get real!"

"Umm, all right, you two." What else could the puzzled prince say?

"Hey, about that hair ornament you keep wearing. . ." Abel brought up.

"What about it?"

"It doesn't go with the tiara. Perhaps you should--"

"LEAVE MY HAIR ALONE!" the prince said, closer to his original character than he'd been since Chapter 16.

"Alright, alright. . .sorry to bother you!" The two aspiring shop owners shared a. . .fist bump? What was going on?!

---

"That sense of style. . .the way your hair flows around your face. . .you must be Michalis!" Julian brilliantly deduced.

"Yes, yes, what do you want?" the one who was apparently Michalis said testily.

"Your sisters have gone off to the slumber party. Both of them said they wanted to show that party what a real hostess was like."

"I only have one sister, and I will not allow her to sully herself like that!" the one on dragonback blurted.

"Wait. . .since when did Michalis have hazel eyes and a hot sister? Who are you?!" A grin appeared on not-Michalis' features.

"I am Gulcasa, and no one inquires about my sister!" the impostor snapped. Julian took several steps back.

"Well, it seems you worms are weaker than the Fantanasians. It makes no difference. Just as Michalis is no doubt relishing the fact that he looks good in a Cardinal Cloak, I can have my fun eliminating the lot of you!" Gulcasa reached for his weapon. . .which had mysteriously disappeared.

"What is the meaning of this?!" he shrieked.

"Though you and Michalis look alike, and have some very irritating commonalities, the laws of this universe do not recognize scythes as valid weapons. Thus, you are unarmed."

"I still have my fists!" Gulcasa roared.

"Hmm, you use fists. This will be fun," Tomas said, right on cue.

"What do you intend on doing, twinkefingers? Cast Fire on me?" sneered the one on the throne.

"Why would I waste my time doing that? You're immune to it," he replied, his voice cracking.

"Aww, so you read ahead. That doesn't mean anything, you skinny waif. I can--OOF!" Emperor Gulcasa fell not to the might of a sword, but to a clean shot to the jaw. Tomas dusted his hands merrily.

"Ooh, this armor's definitely NOT from around here. I think I'll help myself to it~!" Julian said with a big grin.

"Have fun--eh?!" The bishop stopped mid-step, as Julian finished stripping the unconscious emperor of his armor.

"I don't see what the big deal is--yeech. . .I didn't need to see that." Tomas tossed a blanket to Julian, who put it over Gulcasa's underwear. Neither of them had expected the mighty Emperor Gulcasa to clothe his lower half in teddy bear briefs!

"Let's pretend we didn't see that," Tomas said hastily. Julian nodded just as hastily, as he gathered his newfound armor and took off towards his own tent.

Reclassed Sedgar to General. Got five class B units.

The first fliers found my generics to be wonderful bait. The rest of my army thanked them for their sacrifice, then proceeded to butcher the enemies. I barely caught the thief in time. After the hectic initial rush, I sauntered down to the castle, while using Tiki as bait. During my rush to get everyone positioned correctly, I accidentally left Palla in range of Michalis. He says something different to the sisters, but it didn't matter, because Palla turned him into a pin cushion. Once Michalis was out of the picture, I grabbed the Starsphere from Tiki, booked it to the village, and made Starlight.

Here's everyone's stats, so far:

Name     Class     Level   HP   Str  Mag  Skl  Spd  Luk  Def  Res
Marth    Lord      22.17   36   15    0   14   17   22   12    0
Abel     Swordity   6.55   43   21    1   22   25    8   10    3
Draug    Berserker  7.74   44   18    0   15   21    8    7    0
Gordin   Sage       9.09   35    4   12   14   11   16    5    9
Julian   Thief     21.09   32   16    0   14   25   20    8    1
Merric   Paladin   12.34   51   12*   1   26   24   19   27    9
Sedgar   General   16.36   56   21    1   18   15    7   28    2
Tomas    Bishop     7.38   39    3    6   10   14    6    3   14
Palla    Sniper     6.03   42   24    1   21   19    6   17    3
Tiki     Adorable  16.00   33   11    1   16   17   20    7   10

[eclipse]

Alright, I'm not busy! Here goes!

Chapter 23

Arcturus. Junk. Good luck figuring out what this means.

"At last, we have reached Dolhr," addressed the prince to his army. "Medeus is holed up within his castle. We must fight our hardest to get to him, and save the world from his cruel hands."

"Ooh, I can finally kick Uncle Medeus in the shins for telling me I can't have any more candy!" Tiki squealed.

"You're not supposed to be giving us a reason to like Medeus," Gordin whined.

"Shut up, Gaggles. I'm the divine dragon, and anything I--"

"JUST A MINUTE!" a strange voice shrieked. A grumpy old man walked in, and kicked the set's background as hard as he could. "You whelps completely forgot about me!"

"Uh. . .who is this creepy old man?" Tiki asked. Everyone shrugged.

"Is he supposed to be important? I need to use the bathroom," Merric said, as he squirmed in place. The director (who looked suspiciously like Wrys) nodded, and the boy got off his horse and streaked off the stage.

"I'm Gharnef, second baddie in the story, and--"

"I apologize for the technical difficulties. Instead, let's turn our attention to Tellius."

"You're going to ignore me, the Great Gharnef?"

"I always ignore you in draft tournaments."

---

"Micaiah, I am truly grateful I have an ally like you against the Black Knight," Ike addressed his silver-haired companion, her hand comfortable in his.

"I am most honored to have your sword by my magic. Let's free our friends together!" The mercenary and his client briefly squeezed each other's hands, before letting go.

Micaiah's frantic search for Sothe had put her together with a like-minded priestess, a lost girl in armor, an equally lost lance knight, and a man who wanted nothing more than to eliminate his competition for manliest unit in Tellius. Together with a furious queen from Hatari and an equally furious heron (whose ability to throw breakables was legendary), they sought out the Greil Mercenaries, who were equally desperate to get back their tactician and some squirt that Shinon had insisted they rescue. Along the way, they met others who had lost people precious to them under eerily similar circumstances. Kieran had dragged everyone from Crimea over, because he thought it was a slumber party. Kurthnaga had joined, because at his age, it was only natural to defy his father's wishes to stay at home.

It had taken weeks of careful planning (by Ranulf, since he was the only one able to escape the Boy Harem) and reconnaissance (courtesy of Ulki and Nealuchi, who missed picking on Reyson), but the Normal and Modest Boys' Liberation Army (NAMBLA for short) was ready to storm their enemy's stronghold. The enemy had set up his defenses such that any female would be vaporized, and any boy (or something equally good-looking) would be captured for evaluation. Thus, the only thing that could possibly get through that kind of gauntlet was--

"Y'know, you could skip the intros and jus' have me mosey in there," Brom addressed the sky.

You're lucky you even get mentioned.

Brom used his considerable (lack of) stealth to draw the barrier's defensive scanners. They whirred in confusion, unsure of what to do about a fat middle-aged man who was not interested in little boys. As the scanners spun themselves around in the never-ending program loop, Danved (who was most definitely not Devdan) walked right past them, and hit the big red button labeled Do Not Push Unless The Scanners Need Maintenance. With a disappointed whimper, the scanners gave up.

"We made it past the first stage. I apologize that we must use you like this, Prince Kurthnaga, but--"

"Stuff it, kitty boy! This is my chance to be famous! Daddy, you suck!" Completely disregarding all of Ranulf's careful plans, the dragon prince ran through the doors as if there was candy on the other side. The first of the Boy Harem attempted to stop him. Today, the guard wore lavender. Kurthnaga deftly stepped aside, his job complete.

"Aran? ARAN?! How could he. . ." Micaiah put a comforting arm around Laura.

"You are--" the guard started, but Laura threw herself in his path.

"Aran, don't you remember? I thought you were scary at first, but you were so. . .different. Your hands, gently kneading. . .here, you remember this, right?" Laura took out a can of whipped cream. Many eyebrows went up.

"Whipped cream. . ." came the not-quite-robotic response.

"You remember what the whipped cream was for, right? It was something special for both of us. We'd use it to--"

"Do I want to know where this is going?" Fiona whispered to Meg.

"OH MY GOSH, IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TOMORROW!" Aran cried out, the monotone leaving his voice. Laura squeaked in delight.

"Indeed it is! I wanted you to be here with me, so--"

"Um, can you two discuss such things elsewhere?" Zihark asked uncomfortably.

"GET YOUR DIRTY MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!" Laura screamed. "Aran likes baking, so I wanted to help him bake his own birthday cake. Instead of conventional frosting, it's topped with whipped cream. Afterwards, we're making whole grain bread!" Aran turned a brilliant shade of red.

"Laura, you didn't have to announce it like that. . ."

---

For some, it took a familiar object. Those that couldn't/didn't respond to things that were familiar had their lights punched out courtesy of Mist (read: everyone that wasn't Tormod). One by one, the boys snapped back to their senses. All except. . .

"Soren, it's me, Ike! We need to go home!"

"My life only has meaning with the Black Knight. I serve no other."

"We've known each other since we were little kids!"

"My wish is the same as the Black Knight's wish."

The co-head of NAMBLA punched a wall in frustration. There HAD to be a way to wake up Soren up!

"Soren, is that you? Why are you dressed like me?" Elincia's eyes held nothing but sorrow.

"You. . .you look like me. . ."

"If that is what makes you happy, Soren. I want you to be happy, so if you like wearing my stuff, I have a whole closet full of things you can try."

"Will you let me. . .really?"

"Whatever you want, Soren."

"I. . .I want to marry you. . ." The collective thud of several facefaults echoed through the room.

"If you think you will be happy with me, then I will gladly marry you," Elincia said, not quite thinking through the implications of what she just said.

"SCORE!!" Soren yelled, as he placed himself into Elincia's arms.

"Soren! What--"

"You said you'd marry me, Elincia. I expect you to keep your word!"

"Wow. . .he's good. . ." Micaiah mumbled in shock.

"Do you know how TIRESOME it is to be placed in fanfics where the only thing I end up with is a guy? I want a woman, for cryin' out loud!" This was the first time anyone in the Greil Mercenaries had seen Soren wear an expression that could best be described as manic.

"Well, I, um, am glad you're happy," Ike said, unsteadily.

"Don't know why you're complaining, Ike. You got Micaiah," Soren stated, back to his usual self.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?!" roared a very manly and familiar voice. Mist immediately dragged Ike out of the room.

A large, muscular man walked into the midst of the celebration, a very sour look on his face. He wore a tank top and very tight pants. Several of the newly-rescued boys cowered.

"You're the Black Knight, the one responsible for this mess?" Micaiah asked, now the default representative for NAMBLA.

"Yes and no. Some witch by the name of Lena took over my body, and transformed my comfy living quarters into THIS! Do you have any idea how long it's gonna take to clean this place?" Edward and Leonardo hid behind Fiona.

"My, what nice furniture," Aimee said, as she casually sauntered in. "We'll be more than happy to take it off your hands."

"If you can supply me with something more tasteful than this mockery of indoor design, I'll be more than happy to accept!" Aimee giggled.

"I'll be glad to, sir~! Ooh, those curtain would make a wonderful addition to my house~!"

"So, uh--" Micaiah started.

"Help me clean up, or get the hell out. I don't care which one you choose!" the Black Knight yelled. Micaiah took out a coin and flipped it. It came up heads.

"Alright members of NAMBLA, it's time to move furniture! Let's go!"

---

The Black Knight sank into his (much more conservative) chair. It had taken the rest of the day, but his living quarters were once again sparse but functional. He'd manage to keep a lone memento from Lena's crazy buying spree. It sat on a table, almost completely out of place in the spartan room.

"Flesh-toned concealer. . .why didn't I think of that earlier?"

Reclassed Sedgar to Hero. Hooray.

The real Gharnef was by the throne, so I had to creatively dodge reinforcements. Merric wound up doing most of the work, because of his insane RES. Eventually, Tomas was able to put himself in range, use Starlight twice, then pass it to Gordin, who finished the job. Julian did wonders as bait. Tiki murdered a fake Gharnef (the one at the bottom of the stairs). Rest well, ye random generics.

[Flux_Blade]

 That was a hilarious chapter, poor Gharnef, though I am curious if anyone will notice Marth has gone missing for a while.  Also was not expecting that acronym to show up especially.

Anyways, thanks for continuing the funny story, though I am curious how the final battle will end.

[eclipse]

 That was a hilarious chapter, poor Gharnef, though I am curious if anyone will notice Marth has gone missing for a while.  Also was not expecting that acronym to show up especially.

Anyways, thanks for continuing the funny story, though I am curious how the final battle will end.

Glad you liked it! Don't count on anyone noticing, because the imposter is much more palatable than the real Marth!

As for that acronym. . .it was spur of the moment.

Chapter 24

"Can't you see the moon in my eyes?"

-- End of the Moonlight by Forte Escape feat. Miya

Marth's army stood outside the sprawl that was Dolhr. Many of its inhabitants were less than happy to see the ragtag group on their doorstep. Abel was less than happy with the lack of hair on their heads.

"How am I supposed to hold up my end of the cosplay shop as a world-renown hairdresser if everyone in Dolhr is bald?" he lamented to Draug, who kicked the parched ground in frustration.

"I'm, like, totally unable to be myself," the berserker mumbled. "The last water tiles were IN A CASTLE in Chapter 22. . .I feel so useless!" Abel patted the bigger man's shoulder. Draug took it the wrong way, and grabbed Abel in a big, manly hug, while crying on his shoulder.

"I'm, urk, glad you think of me as a friend, but I don't swing that way! I only act like this to pick up chicks! Go sob on a real girl's shoulder, like the one behind you." Draug put Abel down, and the latter took in several gulps of welcome air. Tomas, who was the "girl" mentioned, blanched when he saw Draug come towards him. In an act of desperation, he threw the first person he could get his hands on towards the blubbering berserker, then ran out of the scene as fast as his horrible sense of style would take him. The unfortunate recipient of Draug's big, manly hug gasped out a long string of obscenities. That didn't stop the flood of tears from Draug.

"When I get my hands on you Tomas, I will make that voice crack permanent! I swear this on Ryan's stupid haircut!"

"And to think you were adorable when you were that age, Gordin."

"Get me out of this stupid scene, author! I'm the butt of enough jokes!"

"Nah, I'm enjoying this too much. Maybe when you pass out from the lack of oxygen. . .or not. . ."

---

"Hey author, what about me?" the newest recruit in Marth's army demanded.

"Check the tree with the red flowers."

"MARTH, HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU TO STOP LOOKING AT ME WHILE I'M GETTING DRESSED?! SO HELP ME, I WILL KILL YOU AND BECOME QUEEN!"

The familiar blue-haired boy quickly made tracks away from Elice. His older sister sighed, then readjusted her robe. Why did she always have to yell at her brother like that? Couldn't he be, well, interested in men or something?

Once out of sight, the boy's hair went from blue to red. He was out of breath, but wore a triumphant grin.

"Merric was right. . .Marth's sister looks good in her underwear! I wish her temper wasn't as hot as her body!"

---

"I've barely had any part in this log. I'm leaving!"

"Tiki, wait! Why did you have to jack Falchion, too? Elice won't be happy to hear this!"

Reclassed Sedgar to Warrior. Not that it mattered.

With no fliers and no one capable of one-shotting the Manaketes, I wound up having to use a single Warp charge to put Palla in Longbow range of the thief. Abel slowly made his way through the mountains, using his incredible dodging powers to keep himself alive, and a Wyrmslayer to make sure the enemies didn't do the same. Tiki followed, feeling suicidal, and carrying Falchion. Once the initial crowd was thinned, I parked Abel and Marth on the forts near the boss, so I wouldn't have to worry about reinforcements for a couple of turns. Once Julian caught up to Abel, he replaced him, while Abel went to town with the Wyrmslayer.

After the boss was no longer a problem, I ran down to the alter down south, and got Aum, so I can get my final Lemming.

[Darros]

Endgame?

Ive been reading btw.

[eclipse]

Endgame?

Ive been reading btw.

My main computer went nuts, so I had to resolve that first. It's back to its happy self, so I can continue!

Chapter 24x

*This song is made of win. . .if you can find it!*

-- Neuron Circuit by くっち

"GIMME THAT!"

"What the--get off me, Nagi!"

"It's my turn to shine, and I'm gonna make sure it's done right!"

"This is MY story, and you're not allowed to scribble in it!"

"Why not?! I sound like I have a mental disorder in the main game, so--"

"Well. . .you do."

"That's not nice! I'm a perfectly normal Manakete, and I will prove it by writing the next chapter!"

"No, my paper! My apologies if this chapter is written badly."

---

Marth marched up the stairs. I set the wimpiest guardians I could find, because his army sucks like that. I mean, how could they not notice that the real Marth was in some supply wagon for most of the story? Anyway. . .ooh, it's the real Marth! I wonder if I can get his autograph?

So this Marth guy's cowering behind some dude, and my guardians are falling. Oh, the girl's doing something besides being a damsel in distress! She walks past some other guardian, who isn't doing anything. My Bishops, who haven't seen a proper woman in who-knows-how-long, stare in shock at the figure. She walks past them.

Some dopey looking Bishop and Sage under Marth are playing cards in a side room.

A Swordmaster with a lisp is talking with a dude with red hair. A lame guardian sees them and kills them. Hooray.

Two Berserkers are chopped to pieces by a Sniper. I guess I should feel badly for them.

Marth comes up to my room without knocking. He slowly sinks to his knees beside my bed. With trembling lips, he proclaims the secret he's been holding in his heart. As I slowly wake up, he takes my hand in his, while asking me to spend the rest of my life with--

---

"Wow. That's a whole new level of suckiness. I won't allow that!"

"Gimme back! I'm not done yet!"

"Oh yes you are! First, Tomas and Gordin were playing cards in a back room because no one needed to be healed. Second, Abel, Julian, Draug, and Sedgar are alive and well."

"Who cares about them?"

"Not you. You didn't even bother giving them a personality!"

"That's because I'm the important one!"

"In these kinds of character-driven stories, EVERYONE is important. That means giving the audience a reason to like/hate them. I think you've given me enough reason to boot you from the story entirely."

"I still have my Divinestone."

"Tiki doesn't need it. Anyway, you then put some weird self-insertion romance thingy in there, which made no sense whatsoever."

"I can dream, can't I?"

"There's a huge difference between creative liberty and being ludicrous."

"As if the rest of this story isn't ludicrous?"

"It's supposed to be. You've also given no reason as to why Marth dragged everyone to this alternate dimension. We know nothing about your guardians, and lastly, the scenes and tenses jump more than a roomful of kids on sugar and a trampoline."

"You're mean!"

"Eh? Since when did you get an echo? Oh, hi Tiki!"

"What's this little squirt of a Manakete doing here?"

"Who's this creepy old lady?"

"Tiki, Nagi, play nice."

"Elice said she'd get me some candy if I sat in her tent with Falchion. . .but she ran off with Jeorge and Horace instead! Then I caught that weirdo Merric peeping at me!"

"Well, you're back, and you have someone that's the same species as you to bother."

"Stupid pipsqueak!"

"Smelly old lady!"

"Ah, the music of first introductions. I'll leave the two of you to get to know each other better."

Reclassed Sedgar to Berserker.

Tomas and Gordin were pretty bored, because everyone else was having a little too much fun murdering stuff on the way to the top of the tower. Nabbed Excalibur the Second before finishing the level.

[General Horace]

Too bad Tomas can't use Aura

[eclipse]

Too bad Tomas can't use Aura

With his stats, it would be underwhelming.

It's about damn time I finished this, so I will. Hopefully, I remember what happened.

Endgame

"Huh? Where's the music?"

"Sit tight, Julian. It's coming!"

Note: Due to the fact that there's multiple sets of lyrics for this song floating around, I'll go with whatever sounds closest to what I hear.

---

"We are the lemmings on the run"

"Everyone, we must work together to beat Medeus, and. . .hey, where are you going?!" Marth's head darted back and forth, as his army dashed away from the grand speech he was about to make.

"I call dibs on the alcove over there!" Merric yelled.

"I'm putting myself at the northeast gate!" Palla said with a giggle.

"I'm standing next to Marth!" Tiki and Nagi proclaimed simultaneously. The two Divine Dragons exchanged withering looks.

"I'm staying the hell away from them," Tomas whimpered, as he walked to the northwest entrance.

One by one, the army ran off to the entrance that looked the best in their eyes. Of course, that meant certain people who had otherwise ignored each other were forced to fight together.

"You decided on a class?" Palla asked Sedgar, eyes wide with shock.

"This story is in desperate need of a Hero, so I'm going to take that role!" he told her, a kid-like grin on his face.

"I don't think your class means what you think it does," the formerly-shy sniper mumbled.

"So, any luck on your quest to be Archanea's first Valkyrie?" Draug asked Merric. Merric shook his head.

"If I were to attain my dream, I'd be my own army. Even though I've decided to limit myself to physical weapons, I'm the strongest one in this army!" proclaimed the green-haired Paladin.

"That's why you needed all the Energy Drops?" the strongest-looking member of the army asked.

"Nah, that was because no one else wanted them."

"They. . .they scare me. . ." Abel whimpered, as he attempted to hide behind Tomas.

"Oh what the hell. . .the author stuck me in these stupid robes because she's sadistic, NOT because I like guys!" the brawling bishop cried out.

"Dude, talk about stereotypes. I might be interested in hair, and overbearing women scare me, but I act like this because the not-scary women like it!" the hairdresser shot back. The two self-proclaimed straight guys stared at each other in shock for a few moments. As if on cue, they broke out in big grins and high-fived each other.

"Hooray for taking down stupid stereotypes! Which one's next?" the newfound friends asked each other.

"Hey Tomas, try to not suck during a draft tournament."

"That was uncalled for," the worse of the two draft picks said with a not-cute pout.

Marth sighed at the four other people near him. Tiki and Nagi continued to snipe at each other verbally. Gordin and Julian were nowhere in sight. . .or at least, not where he'd expect to see them. They had taken opposite corners, and instead of standing at attention, they were curled up in neat little balls, whimpering. He couldn't tell if those whimpers were because of the sheer strength of the enemy, or because of the two quarreling females in front of him. His gut told him it was the latter.

"We're not going to win by standing around. Everyone, let's go!"

"We just wanna know what will be"

"I'm gonna kick Medeus in the shins!" Tiki proclaimed to no one.

"I'll be over there. . .way over there. . ." Julian said, a quiver in his voice. Before Marth could object, the clothes thief had run off to an unobtrusive corner. The "prince" sighed. How DID His Highness keep his troops in line before he'd been, erm, replaced?

"And we will try to find our destiny"

"I'll just run up and--hey, you're not supposed to be this fast!" Abel complained to his scaly opponent.

"I'm SO glad I can heal from range," Tomas mumbled, as he let loose a rather weak Fortify.

"It looks like that dude over there can hit from range," the hairdude yelled, motioning towards the ballista in the distance.

The next ten seconds was sullied by Tomas' potty mouth, followed by even more curses when the ballista's bolt hit closer to home than any of the good guys wanted.

"Why can't this be like Tellius, where holding a staff recovers health?" Tomas complained to himself.

"But we are floating with the crowd"

"Do I LOOK like a heavily armored unit to you?" Palla complained to her. . .heavily armored opponent. Silence answered her.

"That's what my friend over here is for," Sedgar said, as he gleefully hefted his Hammer. The heavily armored opponent in question soon became a non-issue. The scaly opponent that followed, however. ..

"Uh, Palla, a little help here? Palla, why are you hiding over there? Hey, keep your stupid breath to yourself, you overgrown lizard!" It seems Palla's shyness had returned with a vengeance at the wrong time. Sedgar cursed like Tomas while searching for his Wyrmslayer.

"And someday we'll see"

"Merric? Hey, wait up! You've got a horse, and I can't keep up!" Draug gasped out. Merric's reply was a childish giggle.

"Catch me if you can~!" Merric taunted, as a horde of Dolhr forces chased him down the halls.

"At least they're leaving me alone," Draug said, picking off what little survived Merric's chase.

"That only when we're dead we're really free"

"Were you trying to turn yourself into a red smear?" Gordin asked Tomas, as the former patched the latter up.

"I'd say my spectacular dodging skills kept me from becoming a red smear," the bishop said testily.

"Dodge less, will ya?" Tomas cracked his knuckles in response.

"Haha, you can't punch me out, because I'm healing you!"

"You'll be done eventually. When you are. . ." Gordin gulped.

"Cos we're like lemmings on the run"

"Are we all accounted for?" Marth asked his tired army. A couple of people were missing. Where could they have gone? His silent musing were answered by a roar, feminine screaming, a torrent of unladylike words from a ladylike mouth, and loud cursing by a decidedly male voice.

"The story ended while you were trying to put your troops together, Your Highness."

"How could you? I'm the one that's supposed to put an end to Medeus!"

"Nope, that would be the real Marth, who is stashed away in a spare clothing wagon, if I remember right."

"The real Marth? So the one standing in front of us is a fake?" Draug asked the sky.

"Yes."

"Can we keep him?" Abel begged the ceiling.

"Uh, sure, if you want. But it looks like his power ran out, so he's back to his usual form. Everyone, say hello to Xane the Freelancer."

"HI XANE! WE LOVE YOU!" the army chorused. Xane's face went as red as his hair.

"I thought the real Marth needed to look good in the history books, so I stuffed him away and took over his role," the embarrassed freelancer explained.

"So THAT'S why I've been stuck in some supply wagon or other ever since I came home?!" the real Marth demanded as he stormed in.

"Well, Your Highness, history thinks you're a caring, competent man whose troops love you. Do you want to disappoint them?" Xane asked the infuriated prince.

"Why should I care about that? All I want is a nice woman to cook and clean up after me, and these guys can't do that to save their lives!" The silence was broken by the sound of many weapons leaving their resting places. Marth blanched.

"I think you owe it to your army to be caring and competent, or there could be. . .consequences," the false prince stated quietly.

"Ugh, fine, be that way! Good job everyone, go home!" Marth's army cheered him on for the first and last time.

Somewhere else. . .

"None can stop Lena! Next, she'll face five opponents at once!"

The warp powder malfunction chose that time to right itself. Boy Harem Leader Lena gulped as five very-strong looking fighters advanced on her. Strapped to her back was. . .her Warp staff?! Perfect! All she needed to do was concentrate and. . .dodge! Just as the magic went off, she hit the ground hard. The light from the Warp staff momentarily blinded everyone. Once the light cleared, Lena once again stared blankly at the sword in her hands. Her opponents quickly regrouped and advanced.

"I might be slow, but I can still take all of you out! Come on!! Ugh, this body's too light! I'll have to do something about it!"

In another world. . .

"Hey Noish. . .you KNOW who'd be perfect for that job! Isn't that right, Arden?"

The green-haired knight blinked at the man in the turban. He might be a little old, but he wouldn't be a bad addition to the Boy Harem! The blond behind the one with the turban would go nicely, too.

"Hmph, it looks like Arden's slower than usual today," the one in the turban sneered.

"I will thoroughly enjoy putting you in a harem girl outfit," the one apparently called Arden growled.

"Alec, I think you pushed him a bit too far," the blond man whispered.

"You worry too much, Noish. It's not like he can catch us," Alec whispered back.

"That's enough, all of you. We need to hurry to Jungby. Arden, you stay here and make sure no one attacks the castle," a blue-haired man interrupted. HE'D be a nice addition, too!

"Yes, sir!" 'Arden' said heartily. Alec sneered as he left, while Noish rolled his eyes at his companion. Once 'Arden' was all alone, a big grin appeared on 'his' face.

"How am I going to catch them? I'd better start planning while they're gone. . .but first, I need to find something more comfortable to wear!" It was a new world, with new people for the boy harem! Perhaps that Warp staff was good for something after all!

Endgame song: Lemming on the Run by E-Rotic

Intentionally reclassed Sedgar to Hero. It's the last chapter, and he deserved it!

Stat booster all around! Here's where they went (not sure where the multiples went):

Seraph Robe: Marth, Julian, Tiki x2

Energy Drop: Tiki got one, Merric got the rest

Spirit Dust: Gordin and Tomas shared them, somehow

Skill Book: Tomas got one, Draug got the rest

Speedwings: Sedgar got one, Palla took three, Tomas got two

Goddess Icon: Unnecessary

Dracoshield: Tiki ate them all

Talisman: Unused, but Tomas used one earlier somewhere

Merric took out the Pachyderm near Marth, and Draug followed behind. Abel couldn't double the Firestone dude, and I left Tomas in range of the Pachyderm so he'd absorb the hit. Palla and Sedgar split the Dracoknight and the Swarm dude in the eastern room. Julian got the door open, so Marth, Tiki and Nagi could run around. Gordin cowered in a corner somewhere. The group to the west advanced too slowly, so Tomas wound up being locked out. Julian made his way towards that locked door, but wound up blocking the Thoron reinforcement instead. Moved everyone near Medeus' room, and eventually got Tiki to deal a ton of damage, with Palla finishing off with the Railgun (constantly-recurring Longbow with stats that look suspiciously like Parthia).

Edited November 12, 2010 by eclipse

[eclipse]

Epilogue's really, REALLY long, so it gets its own post.

Epilogue

"What? No song?"

"Calm down, Xane. As the Epilogue plays out, the music will scroll. Starting off will be. . ."

-- Cold Breath by Shiki

While the battle for Altea raged in Dolhr, the tournament in Aurelis ran ahead at full speed.

"Big C and Double D pull through again!" the two from Port Warren cheered. It was down to the final eight, and the boyish duo were in different pools.

"Go Darros!" the members of Four Axes and a Sword cheered. Unlike their younger counterparts, they'd been forced to eliminate each other.

"That time in prison really helped us to improve. Boah, our hopes ride on you!" In a cruel twist of fate, Dolph and Macellan were forced to fight against each other. They had pulled a draw, which meant that neither of them advanced. Boah had gone through his competition like a sharp knife through properly-cooked pot roast. Midia had run off with Astram, and no one noticed.

"Whose the best thing out of Macedon? That's right, it's me!" Catria proclaimed. Minerva and Maria sighed. SOMEONE had to be the hostess, so the two redheads had dropped from the tournament.

"Whippersnappers," Jagen muttered. None of the Altean knights could beat their commander!

"I guess it falls to me, Hardin, to represent Aurelis in this tournament!" The remainder of the Wolfguard looked down. They'd all been eliminated in the first round.

Off to the side, Bantu chuckled. These kids were no match for him!

-- Bon Voyage by Mystinia

"Did we lose our purpose in the story?" Elice asked her two (cute) traveling companions.

"Did we have a purpose in the story to begin with?" an unfamiliar voice chimed in. Etzel appeared from behind a large tree.

"The author didn't have the heart to kill you off, so she left you to wander," the director stated.

"Can we take our pay and go home? I'm pretty sure the story's over," Horace half-asked/demanded.

"Do you have a home to go to, Horace?"

"Pfft, not the story one! I was talking about my real home. My dogs aren't going to feed themselves!"

"Horace, I didn't know you had dogs~!" Elice said sweetly.

"I've also got a fiancée, if that makes you feel better." Elice pouted at Horace.

"Well sweetie, it sounds like you're single. Wanna go get a bite to eat afterwards?"

"Get lost, director."

"Glad that's finally over," Jeorge said to Etzel, as both walked back to their respective cars.

"It pays well, unlike my daytime teaching job," responded Etzel.

"You're a teacher?" Jeorge stopped in his tracks.

"Yeah. Elementary school teacher, no less. Someone has to educate the next generation."

"But. . .ah, forget it. You've got more guts than the rest of the cast combined. I don't think I'd be that patient with other people's spawn."

"What do you do besides part-time acting, Jeorge?"

"Code monkey." It was Etzel's turn to stop and stare.

"That's a job that I could never do."

The two men parted ways for the last time, each in awe of the other's chosen path.

-- Destiny -Eternal Honor- by Silvia

Everyone at the slumber party stared blankly at the winner of the Super Smash Brothers Brawl tournament. The winner bowed gracefully before accepting the trophy.

"Out of all the people here. . .that was the last person I'd expect to win," Roshea said numbly. Several other people nodded their agreement.

"You know what this means? We're gonna need to do this again!" The room cheered in agreement to Frey's proclamation.

"And I'll be right here to reclaim my title!" the winner bragged.

"Oh no you won't! I'll beat you for sure next time!" the runner-up stated.

"I'm having a really hard time believing this. . ." Caeda said in exasperation.

"I'm not," Norne said sourly.

"Excuse me, Caeda. You were the one that brought the coat rack, yes?"

"Yes I did, Maria. Is something the matter?"

"Your coat rack is getting quite cozy with a life-sized talking doll in another room."

"I, um, see. Let's leave the furniture alone," the princess said shakily.

"Very well. Did you want some iced tea?"

---

"Hey guys, I'm home--huh, what's this?" Sedgar surveyed the room full of unfamiliar people.

"It's a slumber party, and you're not invited unless you brought a piece of furniture," Wolf stated petulantly.

"I've got twenty wagons full of stuff. Happy?"

"Wolf, you idiot, it's Sedgar. Of course he'll have furniture. He'll also have enough supplies to feed and clothe everyone for a week," Vyland pointed out.

"You're just in time to miss the Super Smash Brothers Brawl tournament," Roshea told the newcomer bitterly.

"Cool. Who won?"

"I DID!" Boah yelled.

"You got lucky," Jagen mumbled, still smarting from the final match.

"Uh, congratulations? Who did you use?" Why did the topic have to go to video games? Sedgar was innately bad at all of them!

"Lucas, of course!" The green-haired Aurelian arched an eyebrow at the bishop.

"You. . .used a little boy to win? I think I understand."

"Don't give me that look, you green-haired oaf! I have my reason for using Lucas!"

"And that would be?" The entire room groaned as one.

"You think I use him because I'm a bishop and Lucas is a little boy? Of course not! The reason is. . ."

Half an hour later. . .

". . .and I hope you have a better appreciation of Lucas as a serious contender. Huh? Why'd everyone fall asleep? I guess it's a slumber party, so it's natural. Good night!"

---

Marth woke up with a start. He'd seen war, death, and many other unpleasant things in his dreams. Yet, there was a small group of green-haired fighters that stayed by his side, carving their name into the history books. The image of one of his knights as a hairdresser floated momentarily in his mind, and disappeared just as quickly. A boy on a dragon and a girl with a bow talked about something, before fading away like the darkness before the coming dawn. The prince looked out of the window near his bed, at the sunrise over Talys. He wasn't marching to reclaim his homeland. He was in a small fort in Talys. Someone knocked on his door.

"Pardon me, Your Highness, but Caeda is here to see you." Marth opened the door and thanked Cain. As the latter went down the stairs, the former gulped hard. This was how his dream started. . .but how did it end?

And so ends the run of the Lemmings. Thank you, dear reader, for sticking with me until the end!

Name     Class     Level   HP   Str  Mag  Skl  Spd  Luk  Def  Res
Marth    Lord      25.77   45*  17    0   15   17   25   12    0
Abel     Swordity  15.04   50   24    1   26   30   11   10    3
Draug    Berserker 13.36   50   20    0   19*  26   10    7    0
Gordin   Sage      15.20   38    4   14*  16   13   20    6   10
Julian   Thief     24.17   49*  17    0   14   26   23    9    1
Merric   Paladin   20.00   57   18*   1   28   25   23   28    9
Sedgar   Hero      20.00   57   23    1   29   26*  10   22    2
Tomas    Bishop    12.67   41    3   15*  17*  22*   9    3   16*
Palla    Sniper    14.60   49   24    1   27   26*   7   22    3
Tiki     Adorable  22.17   53*  19*   1   20   20   20   17*  11
Nagi     Extra     15.53   Base everything

Final thoughts:

Marth: SOMEONE wanted to be lucky and accurate (+4 Skill and Luck)!

Abel: I'll take -2 Skill for +7 Strength! Insane as always (even though this is the first time I've used him like this).

Draug: He slowed way down once he promoted. Runner-up for biggest failure.

Gordin: If he'd kept up his amazing streak when he was unpromoted, he wouldn't have earned the title of Biggest Failure. . .but the only reason why he got this is because everyone else grew crazy well.

Julian: -2 Skill for +3 Strength and +4 Speed. . .eh, swords are accurate!

Merric: Subtract the three Energy Drops, and the only growth he was average in was Strength. Everything else. . .+2 Speed, +3 Luck, +5 Defense, and +2 Resistance. Won the Best Unit of the Game award.

Sedgar: Given the sheer amount I reclassed him, it's a miracle that his Skill is equal to his average had I kept him as a Hero for the entire game. His Luck wasn't quite as crazy as last time, but I'm not complaining about +3 on someone with 30% Luck growth!

Tomas: I did NOT give him that many Speedwings (only two)! He pulled +4 Speed out of I-don't-know-where. Surprisingly, his Magic was a little high, and his Resistance was a little low. . .

Palla: Maxed her Strength early, at the cost of her Skill and Speed (she's on three Speedwings). She somehow outdid Merric for biggest WTF stat (+6 Defense).

Tiki: Apparently, she read my previous comment about her, because she only got one Energy Drop (that's +4 Strength). She also got minorly Defense blessed (+2).

Nagi: Got a few kills, but nowhere near enough to level.

[CT075]

Heh. Nice ending. I suppose all of this leads up to the srs log?

[eclipse]

Heh. Nice ending. I suppose all of this leads up to the srs log?

Nope. Marth dreamed both logs.

I've got some. . .things to do, but if things go as planned, I'll have a very interesting Christmas present for everyone. . .

[Flux_Blade]

Poor Marth, dreaming both logs, at least the funny log isn't too bad, besides the whole, dreaming someone had to replacement him because he sucked as the commander.  Had to laugh how the two dragons fought over him.  The fan-fic idea was quite humorous.  Though if she could cook, Marth would be quite happy to take her.  That and two of the 'furniture' start being friendly was also hilarious.  Though I do feel stupid, who was the coat-rack, as I know Linde was the 'Life-Like Doll.'

News of something for Christmas sounds wonderful.

[eclipse]

The coat rack was the one who took orders from Caeda since the beginning - Cain.

[eclipse]

Merry Christmas!

Here's all my stories (including my Lemmings), in offline web page mode. If in doubt, read the readme.txt in the zip file that I've attached.

Christmas Project.zip

[Frosty]

My brain blew up when I saw Abel was the resident hairdresser!!.... XDDDDD