Folgore Rangers return!!

[Elieson]

I thought zeddmare was the closest thing to a competent villain you Rangers has to face

Either him or Abe Lincoln. That dude is a professional zombie hunted+farmer+president and he's even tall enough to reach the cookies on the top shelf

[Sunwoo]

It really says something about the rest of the villains when the most competent Folgore Rangers enemy has no arms.

Also, Baldrick, you aren't mimasho's Oboro!

[Darros]

Arms are for the weak anyway. It's a direct correlation between amount of arms and competence.

[Baldrick]

you mean inverted correlation?

[Darros]

sure

[Sunwoo]

Who invented correlation anyway

[Refa]

Me.

[Darros]

Thanks 4 the stats

[Sunwoo]

If the more arms you have means the more incompetent that you are, how is it that the most incompetent character in this story has only two arms, like most people?

[eclipse]

He has super-special incompetent arms?

[Shin]

He has super-special incompetent arms?

My theory originates from his name.

Camdar

Camdar

arm

Cleverly hidden in his name is the word arm. Thus giving him an extra arm with regards to competence. This puts him at three rather than the usual two, partially explaining his general lack of competence.

[Sunwoo]

Brilliant deduction, Shin! Clearly that explains everything!

[Darros]

My theory originates from his name.

Camdar

Camdar

arm

Cleverly hidden in his name is the word arm. Thus giving him an extra arm with regards to competence. This puts him at three rather than the usual two, partially explaining his general lack of competence.

where is the hiddern arm tho

[Sunwoo]

where is the hiddern arm tho

It's under his shirt

[Sunwoo]

Surprisingly, it's only been two months since I've posted here.

It was a normal day in the city of Serenes Forest. The holiday season had come and gone, and the denizens were shifting back into their usual routine of bantering endlessly. The Folgore Rangers were at Imp’s house – as they often were – seated around the breakfast table, staring at the person eating Chinese food out of a takeout carton.

“I don’t know, something doesn’t seem right,” Darros said, hugging his tray of poutine to himself protectively. “Are you sure things were always this way?”

“Right! Even I know that something’s different here,” Imp piped in. “Oh, Banzai, are you going to finish your cheeseburger?”

Banzai didn’t seem to hear her, nor did he notice her steal his half-eaten cheeseburger. “As an English major, I cannot believe none of you have noticed yet!” he raged. “I have all the records of our adventures written down here” – he held up a thick hardback tome titled The Folgore Rangers Adventures – “and it’s clear to me that this person here is not the real Folgore White!”

“Wow, it took an English major to figure that out?” j00 rolled her eyes.

“Of course j00’s not 13^th,” Boron retorted, annoyed. “I retconned him. He never calls, he hasn’t been here in YEARS … so unreliable. So I invited j00!”

“I don’t think you can just do that. Shin, can she just do that?” Darros turned to their leader.

Shin just waved dismissively, too busy picking the tomatoes out of his sandwich. Curse that inattentive PKL, he had specifically asked for no tomatoes! “No worries! Boron is the casting director! I’m sure she’ll choose wisely.”

Darros, Banzai, and Imp exchanged an exasperated look. Boron was known to be fickle at times about things, but who knew she’d actually dare to retcon 13^th? It wasn’t as if any of them really knew j00 either … where did Boron even find all these people?

“Eh, guys, what’s the problem? Hasn’t j00 always been a girl?” Sharpy asked as he shoved a piece of toast into his mouth – completely missing the point as always.

“Fine, I won’t complain about it any more,” Banzai grumbled. “But as an English major, I find the whole issue most unsettling.” He glanced down at his plate and made a face. “Imp, did you eat all my fries?”

With an indignant squeak, she merely pointed at Darros who had made off with Banzai’s fries to add to his poutine. Everyone laughed as Banzai began lecturing Darros on taking other people’s foodstuffs and the two of them got into an argument about whether poutine or French fries were the superior potato-based product.

-

Meanwhile, up in the Buttlair, Horita Repulsa was not pleased. Not only was he, once again, stuck in outer space with Camdar and a bunch of other incompetent people as his only company, but he also had to delay his wedding by a whole month to be there! Surely this was all Shin’s fault, he and the other Folgore Rangers. Horita decided to take out his anger on them.

“Camdar, to me,” Horita ordered – his eye twitching when Camdar tripped over his own feet and fell on his face. “Ugh, why are you my lackey!? If you’re going to cause trouble just by existing, I’m going to un-invite you to my wedding!”

“But Master Horita! How are you going to find another best man in only a month?” Camdar protested. “Wasn’t your second option Folgore Red?”

The mere thought of having his dreaded archenemy as the best man of his wedding made Horita shudder. Who knew what kind of embarrassing and completely awkward things he would say? “I’ll get someone to do it, even if it has to be Apopeclipse. Speaking of which … go take Apopeclipse and cause some havoc on Serenes Forest! I don’t care what, as long as you give the Folgore Rangers a bad day!”

“As you wish, Master!” Camdar hurried out of the throne room, nearly clipping the doorframe on his way out.

Horita let out an exasperated sigh as his incompetent lackey fled the room, reveling in the silence. He had organized all of his drafting stats for once, so what else was there to do? He began looking up all of the possible wedding cakes that were available at his favorite catering service. The double chocolate one seemed to be a good option.

-

The alarms blared to life in Imp’s house, interrupting the uneventful lunch meeting. Shin let out a groan – he had JUST finished picking out all of the tomatoes, too! Imp stuffed the last of Banzai’s cheeseburger into her mouth while Banzai finished his fries, then the two got up from the table and ran to Imp’s master bedroom – where the Folgorelair was. The others followed them.

“Eliedon, what seems to be the problem?” Shin greeted, taking a bite out of his sandwich.

“Rangers, the city is in danger. Camdar and Apopeclipse are on the loose, and they are warping the denizens into random dimensions,” Elieson said. “You must stop them!”

“Of course it would be Camdar,” Imp muttered, pointedly ignoring Sharpy as he slipped on an oil spill Refa had left on the floor and splatted Banzai’s back with his ice cream.

“Sharpy, why do you always have to cause trouble?” Boron complained at Sharpy, who was getting whacked over the head with Banzai’s book.

“Those two are funny,” j00 said.

“Okay you two, enough playing around! This is serious business!” Shin declared. “It’s time for us to become the Folgore Rangers!”

“Wait! I haven’t finished my poutine!” Darros protested.

“There will be time for poutine later, Folgore Blue. First, you must save the world so that the future of poutine will be secured.”

“Right, what he said.” Shin gave Eliedon a look. “All right, it’s morphing time! FOLGORE RED – POWER OF EXCLAMATION MARKS!”

“FOLGORE YELLOW – POWER OF RETCONNING 13^th!”

“FOLGORE PINK – POWER OF BEING THIRSTY FOR ZERO!”

“FOLGORE BLUE – POWER OF POUTINE, THE SUPERIOR FOODSTUFF!”

“FOLGORE BLACK – POWER OF NOT BEING FOOLED BY RETCON BECAUSE I AM AN ENGLISH MAJOR!”

“FOLGORE WHITE – POWER OF BORON DIDN’T THINK THIS THROUGH ENOUGH!”

“FOLGORE GREEN – POWER OF BEING HAPPILY OBLIVIOUS!”

With a flash of their respective colors, the seven transformed into their super powered forms and struck a pose – only breaking out of it when Refa-5 tried to steal Darros’s poutine and got into a tug-of-war with Darros for it. Why a robot would eat poutine, no one could say.

“Darros, there will always be more poutine, could you stop? You’re embarrassing yourself,” Imp told him.

“I don’t know, I think it’s amusing,” j00 argued, spinning a pen in her hand. “What’s even funnier is that Darros seems to be losing to Refa-5.”

“So, uh, did we all forget about the bad guys or something?” Boron asked.

“Of course not!” Shin exclaimed. “Camdar, we’re coming for you! Your incompetence won’t prevail!”

“This is one sorry excuse of a plot,” Banzai griped. “I should know, I’m an English major!”

“You guys sure are acting weird today,” Sharpy said.

[Jedi]

Refa-5 for best character.

[eclipse]

WAIT HORITA IS GETTING MARRIED?!

[Shin]

WAIT HORITA IS GETTING MARRIED?!

He found a lasagne he just couldn't say no to.

[Esme]

Aww, how sweet.

[ZemZem]

I need to make a danmaku game starring...me c:

[eclipse]

A lasagne that is both sweet and savory, with the right amounts of tomato, cheese, herbs, tomatoes, noodles, tomatoes, and meat.

Poor lasagne.

[Darros]

EVEN IF THERES MORE POUTINE THERES NOT THAT POUTINE AND THEN THERES LESS POUTINE FOR ME AND yeah the holidays are basically ruined back to work everyone

[Darros]

ps i meant to go on skype on christmas and wish everyone merry christmas but my skype is yet again broken so

a) rip me

b) merry belated christmas

[General Horace]

He found a lasagne he just couldn't say no to.

so cheesy, so delicious, it was so good, I couldn't resist it

EDIT: Obligatory curse you shin!

Edited January 15, 2016 by General Horace

[Sunwoo]

Part 2 to the most recent thing I wrote here.

By the time the Folgore Rangers had arrived, everything was ablaze. Various establishments were burning to the ground, salt was raining from the sky, and the denizens were warring and bickering against one another – wait, that last one was normal.

“We should’ve guessed … it’s always this part of town that’s always causing trouble,” Darros grumbled. “Why is everyone here always so angry?”

“That’s what happens when you just let people divide the neighborhood into two.” Boron let out a sigh. “Tangerine really should’ve put her foot down sooner. Now it’s too late to do anything about it.”

“I wonder why no other part of town has this issue,” j00 said. “Was it always like this?”

Shin shrugged. About three or four years ago, the city of Serenes Forest had undergone a major population boom. New denizens began pouring into the once small city at unprecedented numbers, and the administrators had to expand the city’s borders. Several new neighborhoods had been established, and within months had adjusted to the rhythm of Serenes Forest’s daily motions – all but one. The Fates neighborhood had split into two camps the moment it had been formed, and the denizens who resided there were always fighting over one trivial matter or another. It had gotten to the point that no one wanted to visit that part of town.

“Forget the people!” Banzai snapped. “Contentious or not, there is something afoul here. Even in Serenes Forest, it doesn’t ever precipitate salt. One does not need to be a climatology major to know that.”

“Maybe someone dropped a salt shaker?” Sharpy suggested.

“Yes, Sharpy. That’s exactly it. Someone dropped a salt shaker onto the city,” Imp deadpanned. “Well, there’s no monster here, so what were we called for?”

Just then, there was a bright beam of light in the distance that everyone noticed. Shin, Boron, and Darros jumped out of the way while Sharpy dropped down to the ground. Thinking quickly, Banzai formed a text wall and held it out in front of him. The light beam struck the wall and it dissipated – into a pile of salt?

“You stupid Folgore Rangers!” a whiny-sounding voice screamed from nearby. “You weren’t supposed to dodge! You idiots!”

Storming out of the bush was a bizarrely dressed figure – a close-fitting gray and white bodysuit with black leggings and a royal blue cape. From where they stood it was impossible to discern their gender, but they wore a light crown that resembled a pair of dragon horns. The expression on their face perfectly matched the town of their voice – petulant.

“Uh … who are you?” Imp asked.

The stranger ignored her and glared directly at Boron. “I saw you here,” they said accusingly. “I heard what you said about this place. It’s not horrible. At all.”

Boron simply stared back at them. “Well, that’s like … just your opinion. Are we done?”

“I’m not going anywhere until you take back what you said!” The person stomped their foot as if they were a child. “I am a warrior of the stars and the skies! And if you don’t admit that you’re wrong, then I’m going to report you to the administrator!”

“Okay. Well, you’re the one that attacked us first,” Shin stated matter-of-factly. “I don’t think the mods will be taking your side.”

“You stay out of this, or I’ll report you too!” The self-proclaimed warrior turned back to Boron. “Change your stupid, petty opinion! I’m not going anywhere until you admit it!”

“Look. We don’t have time for this, Salt Warrior,” Darros growled. “We’re in a hurry. Some bad guy is apparently in this part of town and we need to stop them.”

“Shut up! You’re the only bad guys here! Admit it!” the Salt Warrior screamed. “Now that I got your attention, I’m not going anywhere until you admit that you’re wrong! And if you don’t I’m going to get you kicked out of the city!”

“Are you saying you caused all the damage here then? Just to get us to come down here?” j00 shook her head. “That is unbelievably stupid.”

“It is even more so foolish when you take into consideration that the denizens here would’ve caused enough trouble to call us over in the first place,” Banzai said scornfully while Sharpy and Imp giggled.

“No! You’re the ones who are stupid! You’re wrong! Admit it – admit it!” The Salt Warrior ran towards Banzai and went to punch him, only for Banzai to hold up a copy of Shakespeare and shield his face from the punch.

“You know what, you may just be an idiot, but we’re not okay with you attacking us,” Imp said, as she held up a streamroller over her head.

“I’m sorry, but if you cannot play nice with other people I will have to ask you to leave.” Shin threw his staff at the Salt Warrior, knocking them several feet back into a burning house.

“Great. Now we just need to put the fire out in this neighborhood,” Boron said. “How are we going to do that.”

“If only it would rain!” Sharpy cried out dramatically. “That’d take care of this blaze!”

As if on cue, storm clouds began rolling in over the neighborhood – and only that neighborhood – and a heavy downpour quickly put out the flames. The denizens, who had been ignoring the Folgore Rangers and the Salt Warrior – shouted obscenities as they fled back to their houses. The others simply stared at Sharpy.

“Woo! The power of luck wins again!” Sharpy flashed the victory sign at his teammates.

“Okay. Okay. Let’s just go back home,” Darros muttered. “I feel like my IQ is dropping just standing here.”

The others mumbled their agreements as well, but just then the house Shin had thrown the Salt Warrior into exploded – and the oddity in question stood in front of them, furious.

“I’m back,” they growled. “Don’t you get it? I’m the good guy and I won’t lose you stupid idiots like you! Now admit that you’re wrong or I’ll destroy you!”

With an angry cry, the Salt Warrior charged at the Folgore Rangers and fired a salt beam at Boron. She grabbed Banzai’s book away from him and held it up in front of her. Imp threw her steamroller at the Salt Warrior, while j00 smacked them over the head several times with a flute. Darros changed his name to “Alolan Darros”, which turned him into an Alolan Exeggutor.

“How does this even make sense?” Darros wailed as he wobbled around, unused to his new and very long neck. “I’m going to fall over!”

“Uh, if you need to fall then try not to land on us,” j00 said.

“Curse you, Darros! Your new form is ridiculous and has no functional value!” Shin swore as he whacked the Salt Warrior with his staff.

Sharpy, who was not paying attention to the battle, slowly peeled a banana and ate it while the others were busy fighting against the Salt Warrior and trying to avoid Darros. After he had finished his snack, Sharpy threw the banana peel over his shoulder. The Salt Warrior stepped on it and slipped, landing on the damp ground.

“You stupid Folgore Rangers! I hate you all!” they screamed. “You’re going to pay for all of this! I’m not going to give up until you admit that you’re wrong –”

And then, right on cue, Apopeclipse came out of nowhere. The Folgore Rangers gawked at their foe and immediately shifted into their fighting stances, ready to take her down should their armless foe make any sudden movements.

“I’m not here for you, silly Folgore Rangers.” Apopeclipse giggled, then she turned to the Salt Warrior with a stern look. “You’re being annoying. Off you go!” And with those words, she threw him into another dimension – and then, she was gone too.

The Folgore Rangers exchanged confused looks, not sure what to make of the strange turn of events.

“Now that is what I would call a deux ex machina,” Banzai said. “How convenient for something like that to happen.”

“Ah well, let’s not think too hard about it,” Shin exclaimed. “That’s the end of another successful day – it’s all thanks to me of course!”

“Oh good, let’s go back home,” Darros chimed in. “I really want to finish my poutine. Refa-5 had better not eaten all of the fries.”

j00 sighed. “Darros, first things first. Change your name back to normal.”