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Hello, Hi, Hey: I'm $$$ richh


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i just got out my phone to text someone and for some reason in my contacts theres someone named "matthew (jesus died for my sins)" and im sure that theres a story behind that and im repressing the memory because im positive i did something really really bad for myself to do that and i don't want to remember but also what the heck

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i really like nenchaku-kei danshi no juugo-nen nechinechi bc literally every english translation of the title is awkward af

"15 years of pursuing a cute boy"
"a clingy boy sticking for 15 years"
"the 15-year-long persistence of an affectionate young man"
"15 tenacious years of a pertinacious boy"

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o man damian theres this girl in my literature class who types literally 170 wpm lmao this has nothing to do w u but i remember being upset that u type faster than me so telling u makes me, kim, feel better

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8 minutes ago, Hitori said:

thx damian so do u and i hope u remember that always

i forget a lot like uh rn and recently oops

1 minute ago, Hitori said:

o man damian theres this girl in my literature class who types literally 170 wpm lmao this has nothing to do w u but i remember being upset that u type faster than me so telling u makes me, kim, feel better

wow do her hands look like blur

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i really REALLY should be sleeping but i am so stressed over my psych project that it's impossible for me to sleep (my hands r literally shaking and i was on the verge of crying lol) so i popped up some honeyworks aND IM WATCHING THE ONE PV THAT CONCLUDES MIOU'S AND HARUKI'S STORY WITH SUBS FOR THE FIRST TIME AND NOW I AM ACTUALLY FULL-ON CRYING EBCAUDE I LOVE THESE TWO SO MUCH AND I HAD NO IDEA THAT [THINGS] AND AHH WHY AM I SO EMOTIONAL

Spoiler

Idk what to do tomorrow tbh, ive always been stressed over presentations but this is like superstress....part of me wants to talk to friends but i don't want them to stress over me, i wanna talk to my counselor but i don't think i'd have time to at any point, i might even ask my psych teacher if i can deduct points from my grade by not presenting but that is such a cop-out and also kinda a bad impression idk

but srsly i can already physically feel myself having a mental breakdown during that class bc im so afraid of presentations lmao i don't know what to do and it's dumb i'm dumb i wish i weren't like this

 

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Spoiler

when this happens i normally have friends nearby to pick me up and calm me down but none of my close friends or even friends are in that class and the thought of having to anxiously wait for my turn to present without having a hand to grasp or a shoulder to cry into or someone to tell me that it's okay is seriously awful i'm crying even more just thinking about it and i don't know what to do lmao i rly don't like bein this negative out in the open but i guess that shows how desperate i am i rly hate myself why can't i do something totally normal and doable by literally everyone else

 

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it's not like a super huge or important presentation which is y i rly want to consider askin my teacher if i can skip but i really really genuinely enjoy that class a whole bunch and i don't want her to think that i'm incompetent or don't care about it because only one of those things is true

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school teaches you that in life you will be presented with duties that you dont want to deal with or care about

but doing these duties is one step closer to getting paid; and in school doing these gets you one step closer to the grade and accreditation you want

no one's going to stop you from not making it a priority, but sometimes you just have to buckle down and get the bullshit over with. it doesn't have to be the best presentation in the world, if you're not motivated to do it. you can settle for minimal effort and not care about the consequences (since you judged it not important)

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it just kinda sucks because i have literally taken a full year of a speech class and gotten personal praise from my instructor and the mayor's speechwriter (i.e. i know that, objectively, i am actually fairly decent at public speaking after i finish my inevitable mental breakdown beforehand) and i still have this annoying phobia :_, how can i even fix it at this point

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Ah, presentations...

Wish I would offer some advice, but I'm kinda in the same boat. They're so... frustrating... and me having big stage fright doesn't help.

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