Is it unhealthy to be friendless and/or antisocial at all?

[Anacybele]

This kind of came up in a discussion I was in a little awhile ago and it made me decide to make a thread. I hope it's an okay topic.

I sometimes get told that it's better for me to have friends and stuff than to be alone. Even my own parents seem to think this. I did once wish to have more friends, and to even get married someday. But I no longer want any of this. I decided I'm not suited for it and that I'm better off by myself and not even interacting with people much (outside of like three people I do consider friends, but they're only on the internet, so that doesn't exactly matter that much when I can only talk to them through a screen and not really do anything with them. If I could though, I'd abandon all of them too, but that would obviously be really mean of me).

I actually don't even post much on SF outside of the Heroes board these days, so even on the internet I don't want to bother with this much anymore. If it still seems like I kind of post a lot, believe me, I used to post on forums a lot more.

And I'm fine. No problem. I don't get why anyone's told me it's unhealthy. Now I know being antisocial is a little different and it CAN be bad. It can involve being hostle, unfriendly, etc. That's obviously not good. But if you're simply not willing to interact with people much, but you can avoid being a jerk, I don't see a problem with that. You're not hurting anyone or yourself.

Does this make sense? Am I right to disagree with those telling me it's unhealthy to (generally) avoid people like this?

Edited April 12, 2018 by Anacybele

[Arcanite]

1 minute ago, Anacybele said:

Am I right to disagree with those telling me it's unhealthy to (generally) avoid people like this?

If you really think you can go without friends or anyone to talk to, and just not really care to interact much

Then that is your decision

I guess it kinda stinks for the people that actually do enjoy speaking to you... ultimately no matter what may be for the better for most people differs from person to person

 

I mean

4 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

I decided I'm not suited for it and that I'm better off by myself and not even interacting with people much

This is pretty sad

And in response you can either do how you're feeling now, and just kinda keep to yourself

OR you can see what you can do to be more friendly, work on flaws in your personality and such so that interacting with others is a little more pleasant ~

[Anacybele]

3 minutes ago, Arcanite said:

If you really think you can go without friends or anyone to talk to, and just not really care to interact much

Then that is your decision

I guess it kinda stinks for the people that actually do enjoy speaking to you... ultimately no matter what may be for the better for most people differs from person to person

 

I mean

This is pretty sad

And in response you can either do how you're feeling now, and just kinda keep to yourself

OR you can see what you can do to be more friendly, work on flaws in your personality and such so that interacting with others is a little more pleasant ~

It doesn't seem that many people do though. And generally, there also don't seem to be many people I enjoy talking to in return.

I also don't think I should change myself just to please other people. I want to be appreciated for who I am. Everybody has flaws, nobody is perfect.

To quote the famous Fred "Mister" Rogers, "I like you just the way you are." I wish more people would be like that amazing man.

[Strullemia]

I don't think there's anything wrong with it and I can even relate to you when you said this:

10 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

This kind of came up in a discussion I was in a little awhile ago and it made me decide to make a thread. I hope it's an okay topic.

I sometimes get told that it's better for me to have friends and stuff than to be alone. Even my own parents seem to think this. I did once wish to have more friends, and to even get married someday. But I no longer want any of this. I decided I'm not suited for it and that I'm better off by myself and not even interacting with people much

I used to be the same, a long time ago I wanted to make a lot of friends and marry a girl and all of the stuff that comes with it but nowadays I don't even want to bother with making friends because I don't feel any need to. I know people who need friends and need their social circle and they always tell me that they don't understand how I can live that way and that they couldn't live like that. They always think I'm very weird.

[Anacybele]

3 minutes ago, Hekselka said:

I don't think there's anything wrong with it and I can even relate to you when you said this:

I used to be the same, a long time ago I wanted to make a lot of friends and marry a girl and all of the stuff that comes with it but nowadays I don't even want to bother with making friends because I don't feel any need to. I know people who need friends and need their social circle and they always tell me that they don't understand how I can live that way and that they couldn't live like that. They always think I'm very weird.

Yeah, I know, right? My parents, or at least my stepdad, even seems to think I'm weird on this, particularly about the not getting married part. "You just haven't met the right guy" he says. No. I just don't want to get married anymore, okay? Yet he seems to want me to give him grandkids or something. He already has a granddaughter by my stepbrother anyway, so what's he so worried about?

I'm definitely never bringing this subject up to him again.

Edited April 12, 2018 by Anacybele

[Strullemia]

5 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Yeah, I know, right? My parents, or at least my stepdad, even seems to think I'm weird on this, particularly about the not getting married part. "You just haven't met the right guy" he says. No. I just don't want to get married anymore, okay? Yet he seems to want me to give him grandkids or something. He already has a granddaughter by my stepbrother anyway, so what's he so worried about?

I'm definitely never bringing this subject up to him again.

I know what you mean, the "You just haven't met the right person'" thing is something I've heard a lot. Not by my parents (anymore anyway) but the moment anyone learns that I'm not searching/interested in finding a partner I hear that a lot from people at work.

[Arcanite]

2 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

To quote the famous Fred "Mister" Rogers, "I like you just the way you are." I wish more people would be like that amazing man.

Unfortunately some people are literally toxic for the good of the hum race in general... I dont think you are, but my point is that people's "way they are" just isn't 
good
from an objective view 

7 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

It doesn't seem that many people do though. And generally, there also don't seem to be many people I enjoy talking to in return.

I also don't think I should change myself just to please other people. I want to be appreciated for who I am. Everybody has flaws, nobody is perfect.

I'm going to be blunt here, but don't feel offended because im not saying to you in particular ~
You can't be appreciated for who you are if who you are isn't something to be appreciated in the first place. Yeah everyone has flaws but when you do nothing to try to at least work on them and actually apply it you're not doing anything

And you're misunderstanding what I mean. I only said that changing yourself would make interacting with people more pleasant, but it is also for your own good as well!

[EricaofRenais]

I only have two people I can call my friends and I had some really bad things happen with people as a teenager that has made me not want to deal with people at all.  I prefer animals to people and I always have since I was a kid, because people have lied to me and betrayed me so many times that I don't trust people at all.  I think it is fine to not want to deal with people, as long as when you do have to deal with people you can do it and be polite.  I can deal with people, but I would rather be by myself.  I think where your stepdad is coming from is that he wants you to have other people you can rely on if you are in trouble, my dad is the same because I have health issues and he hopes I can find someone who can check up on me when he is gone (my parents are older so he thinks a lot about this).  As to relationships I think that will either happen or it won't and you should not worry about it, if you find someone to date then date and go from there you don't have to marry and honestly I think marriage is over rated.

[Tryhard]

Leaving aside any emotional aspect, yeah, even if you believe that you don't need any. If not to your physical wellbeing then to your mental. I'm not one to talk but it's not a good thing.

I've seen some studies that say lack of social interaction or loneliness can be as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

Edited April 12, 2018 by Tryhard

[Anacybele]

3 minutes ago, Hekselka said:

I know what you mean, the "You just haven't met the right person'" thing is something I've heard a lot. Not by my parents (anymore anyway) but the moment anyone learns that I'm not searching/interested in finding a partner I hear that a lot from people at work.

Yeah, and hearing those words bugs me a lot.

7 minutes ago, Arcanite said:

Unfortunately some people are literally toxic for the good of the hum race in general... I dont think you are, but my point is that people's "way they are" just isn't 
good
from an objective view 

Thanks, though I've a feeling some people would consider me toxic. Though I don't really care.

People will always have flaws though. Like I said, we can never be perfect. Some people just refuse to look past others' flaws and focus more on their good points. Like, yeah, I'm stubborn, kinda vocal, kinda argumentative, I admit it. But I definitely have good points too, you know...

9 minutes ago, EricaofRenais said:

I only have two people I can call my friends and I had some really bad things happen with people as a teenager that has made me not want to deal with people at all.  I prefer animals to people and I always have since I was a kid, because people have lied to me and betrayed me so many times that I don't trust people at all.  I think it is fine to not want to deal with people, as long as when you do have to deal with people you can do it and be polite.  I can deal with people, but I would rather be by myself.  I think where your stepdad is coming from is that he wants you to have other people you can rely on if you are in trouble, my dad is the same because I have health issues and he hopes I can find someone who can check up on me when he is gone (my parents are older so he thinks a lot about this).  As to relationships I think that will either happen or it won't and you should not worry about it, if you find someone to date then date and go from there you don't have to marry and honestly I think marriage is over rated.

Marriage is overrated, I agree. And I'll surely have other people I can talk to if I'm in any kind of trouble. I'd also like to think I can take care of myself for the most part.

[Water Mage]

As person who considers himself to be antisocial, prefers to be alone and has very little friends, I have to say, yes, it is unhealthy to be antisocial and friendless.

Why? Because humans are social creatures, we cannot live by ourselves. Our own thoughts would eventually drive us insane. And limiting our interactions with people make us self centered, selfish and arrogant. It is very important to listen to people who have new and different perspectives to share. Perspectives that might not be in line with yours. Perspectives that might hurt you. The most damaging thing you can do for your life is create an ivory tower of perceived reality & neglect to look outside of it. To avoid interactions with others to avoid pain is easiest way to go mad.

Edited April 12, 2018 by Water Mage

[DemolisherBPB]

As someone who has also thought this way, My mental health adviser has told me that it's not the best thoughts. But that's for someone who is depressed so.

40 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

But I no longer want any of this. I decided I'm not suited for it and that I'm better off by myself

See If this is just your decision then it could be okay, I can only view this from someone who has depression and has though this way as he doesn't deserve anything like this. In fairness I'd say that's what to be careful of, Just make sure that your doing this as you want to, not because you feel like you NEED to.

42 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

I actually don't even post much on SF

Yeah I'm a bit of a stalker too. I just don't feel I'll contribute too much most of the time. There's nothing wrong with it, I just look at the threads and see what looks interesting and learn something normally.

Overall I'd just say do what you feel is best for yourself, but don't deprive yourself entirely of human contact as it can really mess with you, and even though relationships and friendships are usually hassle and worse than any media will ever portray or be as good as any family member will make out theirs where, it will be good for you in the long run, and what everyone else has gone through 9 times out of 10. I just have one good local friend as that's all's you'll really need for some actual face to face contact, and I feel more comfortable asking them for advice with stuff normally. (when I'm not pursuing myself I shouldn't be a burden on them as they have their own problems).

Again this is mostly what my adviser has told me and such as from someone with mental health issues.

I hope you just get an answer you happy with either way, sounds like your having a bit of a dilemma. 

[Shoblongoo]

Biggest practical problem I would see is that one day when you have a job, you'll at least need some baseline interpersonal skills to interact with coworkers and not rub people the wrong way in your workplace. Or you aren't going to be able to keep that job. Even if you're an introvert and prefer your alone-time and don't need friends or romantic relationships to be happy, you shouldn't cut yourself off entirely and should maintain some level of social interaction just purely for the sake of being a functioning member of society.

Edited April 12, 2018 by Shoblongoo

[Strullemia]

I do like to add that even though I don't think friends are necessary, having some interaction with people certainly is. Whether that's family or just some acquaintances doesn't really matter but you do need some interaction with other people.

I say this because after I finished school I was sort of stuck in a special program to find a job and this took a long time (around a year) and in that time I barely had interactions with people aside from my family which ended up being unhealthy at the time. 

[Azz]

Like other people have said, I would also consider it unhealthy to be friendless/antisocial.

I would personally consider myself introverted/antisocial, however I found having even a small group of friends really improves my mental well being and also my physical health as well by proxy of just feeling better about my self for having people who also care about me.

I suffered a lot from anxiety and depression a few years back, and I still do today, because my sister passed away 9 years ago when she and I were young. I remember after that I closed myself away for a long time and my mental health started getting bad and I also gained a lot of weight because I wasn't treating my body right. I also found that I was very abrasive when I was interacting with people due to my lack of interaction. However, while it took me a while, I found a nice group of friends (There is really only about 6-7 of us, including me) who really helped me feel better about myself.

Obviously, having alone time is important too so you can relax and de-stress and having a relationship isn't really necessary, however I think having even a small group of friends, and just general human interaction is very important, because humans are social beings. Even if you think you will be fine without it, it can have serious long term effects like affecting your communication abilities in general when you are say, looking for a job but also your mental health and physical health too. 

Edited April 12, 2018 by Azz

[Anacybele]

26 minutes ago, Water Mage said:

As person who considers himself to be antisocial, prefers to be alone and has very little friends, I have to say, yes, it is unhealthy to be antisocial and friendless.

Why? Because humans are social creatures, we cannot live by ourselves. Our own thoughts would eventually drive us insane. And limiting our interactions with people make us self centered, selfish and arrogant. It is very important to listen to people who have new and different perspectives to share. Perspectives that might not be in line with yours. Perspectives that might hurt you. The most damaging thing you can do for your life is create an ivory tower of perceived reality & neglect to look outside of it. To avoid interactions with others to avoid pain is easiest way to go mad.

...What? This doesn't make any sense to me at all and sounds like some badly written drama/tragedy story.

35 minutes ago, Tryhard said:

I've seen some studies that say lack of social interaction or loneliness can be as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day.

And that's BS. Smoking cigarettes in that manner leads to potentially deadly heart and lung problems. Simply wanting to be alone and not have friends or talk to people much can't possibly do anything THAT bad.

24 minutes ago, DemolisherBPB said:

As someone who has also thought this way, My mental health adviser has told me that it's not the best thoughts. But that's for someone who is depressed so.

See If this is just your decision then it could be okay, I can only view this from someone who has depression and has though this way as he doesn't deserve anything like this. In fairness I'd say that's what to be careful of, Just make sure that your doing this as you want to, not because you feel like you NEED to.

Yeah I'm a bit of a stalker too. I just don't feel I'll contribute too much most of the time. There's nothing wrong with it, I just look at the threads and see what looks interesting and learn something normally.

Overall I'd just say do what you feel is best for yourself, but don't deprive yourself entirely of human contact as it can really mess with you, and even though relationships and friendships are usually hassle and worse than any media will ever portray or be as good as any family member will make out theirs where, it will be good for you in the long run, and what everyone else has gone through 9 times out of 10. I just have one good local friend as that's all's you'll really need for some actual face to face contact, and I feel more comfortable asking them for advice with stuff normally. (when I'm not pursuing myself I shouldn't be a burden on them as they have their own problems).

Again this is mostly what my adviser has told me and such as from someone with mental health issues.

I hope you just get an answer you happy with either way, sounds like your having a bit of a dilemma. 

Yeah, I'm not depressed. Maybe I was at one time, but I found ways to be content/happy again. Just as I'm content and happy being alone now. There's no dilemma. I'm just sort of tired of people trying to pressure me into doing things I don't want to do.

As for other posts in here, all I can say is that a bunch of social interaction has mostly just caused me trouble and made me miserable. Either people hurt me for no reason, or I somehow cause them trouble or something (even if it's unintentional). I'm happier when I'm alone. Isn't that what's important? Being happy?

 

Edited April 12, 2018 by Anacybele

[Water Mage]

17 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

...What? This doesn't make any sense to me at all and sounds like some badly written tragedy story.

And that's BS. Smoking cigarettes in that manner leads to heart and lung problems. Simply wanting to be alone and not have friends or talk to people much can't possibly do anything THAT bad.

Yeah, I'm not depressed. Maybe I was at one time, but I found ways to be content/happy again. Just as I'm content and happy being alone now. There's no dilemma. I'm just sort of tired of people trying to pressure me into doing things I don't want to do.

As for other posts in here, all I can say is that a bunch of social interaction has mostly just caused me trouble and made me miserable. Either people hurt me for no reason, or I somehow cause them trouble or something (even if it's unintentional). I'm happier when I'm alone. Isn't that what's important? Being happy?

 

You said that a bunch of social interaction caused you trouble and made you miserable? Good. That’s how life is supposed to be. If success was guaranteed in life we never get anything done. Having your opinions being constantly challenged and disproven is a healthy thing. Because it allows us to grow, to take a better a look at ourselves and become better people. Doing only things that makes you happy is incredibly harmful to your mental health, because your mind won’t learn how deal with problems. Being miserable, being sad, being angry...they are important to life. Because it teaches us that the world isn’t tailor-made for us. And that’s how it should be. If the world was filled with only things that makes me happy, it would lead me to live an incredibly unfulfilling life. 

Feeling pain is proof that you’re alive.

Edited April 12, 2018 by Water Mage

[Johann]

@Anacybele Some of the health issues people are associating with loneliness are the consequences of stress, anxiety, and a lack of happiness (which isn't the same as depression). The lack of personal growth is another issue, as we all have things to learn from other people.

Strictly from a societal expectations, no, it's fine that you want to be antisocial, but ultimately you can't avoid human interaction forever and have to come to terms with that one way or another. To me, it sounds like you don't have anyone with which you're truly comfortable to be around, and that the effort of finding one is kind of overwhelming (neither of which are your fault).

[Azz]

15 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

...What? This doesn't make any sense to me at all and sounds like some badly written drama/tragedy story.

And that's BS. Smoking cigarettes in that manner leads to potentially deadly heart and lung problems. Simply wanting to be alone and not have friends or talk to people much can't possibly do anything THAT bad.

Yeah, I'm not depressed. Maybe I was at one time, but I found ways to be content/happy again. Just as I'm content and happy being alone now. There's no dilemma. I'm just sort of tired of people trying to pressure me into doing things I don't want to do.

As for other posts in here, all I can say is that a bunch of social interaction has mostly just caused me trouble and made me miserable. Either people hurt me for no reason, or I somehow cause them trouble or something (even if it's unintentional). I'm happier when I'm alone. Isn't that what's important? Being happy?

Obviously being happy is important, but basic human interaction is also very important. Think of it in the long run. A lack of social interaction can be bad for your health, both mental and physical. Also, if you decide to pursue any career in the future, you are going to seriously struggle if you can't communicate. And as others have said, human interaction is practically unavoidable and no matter what, you will come to a point where you will have to interact with people, one way or another.

Again, take this from someone who thought the exact same thing as you do now not so long ago. It gets to a point where you just want to explode when all you hear are your own thoughts. Of coarse we are different people, but I'm sure many other people would say the same as me.

Edited April 12, 2018 by Azz

[Sunwoo]

1 hour ago, Anacybele said:

To quote the famous Fred "Mister" Rogers, "I like you just the way you are." I wish more people would be like that amazing man.

Theoretically, this would be great if it were the case. But the harsh truth of the matter is that some people are not fine just the way they are. Some people actually deserve the dislike they get for who they are. And at some point, other people stop being the problem.

Now, whether that applies to you or not, I don't really know or care. But "I like you the way you are" is not a statement that should be held as an absolute truth because sometimes people are not fine just the way they are.

[Johann]

Just now, Sunwoo said:

Theoretically, this would be great if it were the case. But the harsh truth of the matter is that some people are not fine just the way they are. Some people actually deserve the dislike they get for who they are. And at some point, other people stop being the problem.

Now, whether that applies to you or not, I don't really know or care. But "I like you the way you are" is not a statement that should be held as an absolute truth because sometimes people are not fine just the way they are.

Great for little kids though, malleable creatures that they are

[Armagon]

I do think it's unhealthy to an extent. I'm not saying you have to go out of your way to be social though, because forcing yourself is also unhealthy. While me and my friends are really close, i also don't have that many of them to begin with (i have like, 6 friends and that's it) and i've never really made any attempts to make more friends. I barely know the names of the people in my classes. Though i guess i'm not really antisocial and i'm just introverted instead (my mom was an introvert as well so i guess it just runs in the family).

[Anacybele]

3 minutes ago, Water Mage said:

You said that a bunch of social interaction caused you trouble and made you miserable? Good. That’s how life is supposed to be. If success was guaranteed in life we never get anything done. Having your opinions being constantly challenged and disproven is a healthy thing. Because it allows to grow, to take a better a look at ourselves and become better people. Doing only things that makes you happy is incredibly harmful to your mental health, because your mind won’t learn how deal with problems. Being miserable, being sad, being angry...they are important to life. Because it teaches us that the world is tailor-made for us. And that’s how it should be. If the world was filled with things that makes me happy, it would lead me to live an incredibly unfulfilling life. 

Feeling pain is proof that you’re alive.

...What? Now you're making even less sense. Sure, sometimes we'll feel sad or upset, as life has its ups and downs. But I basically said that nothing good is coming out of trying to make friends or interact with people a lot. And that is certainly not a good thing.

4 minutes ago, Johann said:

Strictly from a societal expectations, no, it's fine that you want to be antisocial, but ultimately you can't avoid human interaction forever and have to come to terms with that one way or another. To me, it sounds like you don't have anyone with which you're truly comfortable to be around, and that the effort of finding one is kind of overwhelming (neither of which are your fault).

Kind of true, I admit. The only people I was ever super comfortable around were my grandma and mom. The former is gone now. I sometimes wonder what I'm going to do when my mom is gone too. I'll just have to deal with it in some way or another.

3 minutes ago, Azz said:

Obviously being happy is important, but basic human interaction is also very important. Think of it in the long run. A lack of social interaction can be bad for your health, both mental and physical. Also, if you decide to pursue any career in the future, you are going to seriously struggle if you can't communicate. And as others have said, human interaction is practically unavoidable and no matter what, you will come to a point where you will have to interact with people, one way or another.

Well yeah, I didn't mean what I said THAT literally. Obviously, sometimes I'll have to walk into a store and pay for something at a cashier or follow instructions from a boss at work and stuff like that. But that's all I'm willing to put up with.

3 minutes ago, Sunwoo said:

Theoretically, this would be great if it were the case. But the harsh truth of the matter is that some people are not fine just the way they are. Some people actually deserve the dislike they get for who they are. And at some point, other people stop being the problem.

Now, whether that applies to you or not, I don't really know or care. But "I like you the way you are" is not a statement that should be held as an absolute truth because sometimes people are not fine just the way they are.

I didn't mean that statement THAT literally either. Obviously, some people are pieces of shit that should be locked up forever. I'm not really talking about those. I mean anybody else, really.

[Lushen]

Yes, it is - I'm obviously not an expert but one of the responsibilities of a parent for a child at a young age is to socialize their kid.  Pet owners have to do this with dogs as well.  I've heard psychologists say that if a kid is not properly socialized when they're really young they can never fully recover (though there are things that can be done to help such as behavioral training).   I've seen this happen with a dog.   But even if you are socialized there are statistical trends suggesting that being alone is not healthy.  

That being said, if you plan to have a job later in your life you'll most likely develop some king of social group you feel comfortable with.

Also - human beings do not strive for happiness - nor is it healthy to.  We say we do but half the stuff we do make us miserable.  Its been proven that people who have kids will end up being more miserable than they were before children.  Meaning drives human behavior - which is why people have kids even though they know it's more fun to not have responsibility.  This is why nihilism is such a big issue in our culture today.  Too much happiness is called mania and its about as bad for you as depression.  So just because socializing with people isn't fun for someone that doesn't make it any less unhealthy.

Edited April 12, 2018 by Lushen

[Anacybele]

5 minutes ago, Lushen said:

That being said, if you plan to have a job later in your life you'll most likely develop some king of social group you feel comfortable with.

I've had a job before. I had said job for about four years. And that social group thing never happened.

Also, yeah, too much happiness is bad. Too much of anything is bad. But I'm not looking for too much, of course.