SF's "Write Your Butt Off" Competition HD II.5 Remix

[TheSilentChloey]

@AnonymousSpeed hey let's all blame IS and 3H XD

[Acacia Sgt]

Hello there. Maybe you all need people who can't be distracted by it, heh.

Seriously now, I've been reading up this thread for quite a while... such a quite I started with the previous one, actually. I've never found much courage to join up despite having the interest to from time to time. I tend to write more for myself than for others. Anyway, perhaps it's time to rectify that. Perhaps with the next prompt, maybe.

[Anacybele]

@AnonymousSpeed Hey, for the record, even though your prompt only got two entries, I thought it was a good one!

[AnonymousSpeed]

15 hours ago, Acacia Sgt said:

Hello there. Maybe you all need people who can't be distracted by it, heh.

Seriously now, I've been reading up this thread for quite a while... such a quite I started with the previous one, actually. I've never found much courage to join up despite having the interest to from time to time. I tend to write more for myself than for others. Anyway, perhaps it's time to rectify that. Perhaps with the next prompt, maybe.

Oh hai Acacia. We'd be glad to have another writing submitter. I hope you'll decide to submit something next round and that you've been enjoying reading this thread.

 

8 hours ago, Anacybele said:

@AnonymousSpeed Hey, for the record, even though your prompt only got two entries, I thought it was a good one!

Hey, thanks. It's not a problem though, I'm honestly a bit more upset I didn't get to read about Thomas and Big Bird stealing from Yoshi than I am anything else.

[Ottservia]

I want an excuse to write something dark and angsty. Been in a big mood to write about that ever since I finished the blue lion’s route. 

[Anacybele]

58 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Hey, thanks. It's not a problem though, I'm honestly a bit more upset I didn't get to read about Thomas and Big Bird stealing from Yoshi than I am anything else.

Ah. lol, well, that's good to hear. I think. 😛

So I guess a review for @TheSilentChloey since that's the only other entry this round.

I actually don't think your piece is as bad as you say it is, that thing about the rape implication aside. There are some grammar errors, but those are the only real mistakes. I think you had a decent plot here, and the villains felt human because you had them care about each other and have reasons for doing what they're doing rather than just making them blatantly evil. Only thing I'd say is that this could've been a little longer with a bit more meat, but I know you don't like writing stuff much longer than this, so I won't pressure you there.

I don't agree with what you say about most superheroes/villains being unrelatable, though. Just because they might have powers doesn't mean you can't relate to them. A lot of them, particularly ones from Marvel, have normal lives next to their hero ones that lots of us can relate to. Spiderman/Peter Parker suffered bullying and high school stress and the loss of a loved one, for instance. Those are things many people experience. Batman lost his parents to a shooter, and people get murdered in real life too. Captain America experienced war first hand like a lot of the military. Daredevil went blind due to a radioactive waste accident and there are blind people in the world. And the list could go on.

DC doesn't have nearly as many relatable heroes, though. Batman is the only notable one I can really think of there. Both main Batmans, in fact (Bruce Wayne is the first, Terry McGinnis succeeded him later in Batman Beyond. Like Bruce, Terry also had a parent get murdered and Terry also has high school life like Spidey). That's why I prefer Marvel though.

Edited August 20, 2019 by Anacybele

[TheSilentChloey]

19 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Ah. lol, well, that's good to hear. I think. 😛

So I guess a review for @TheSilentChloey since that's the only other entry this round.

I actually don't think your piece is as bad as you say it is, that thing about the rape implication aside. There are some grammar errors, but those are the only real mistakes. I think you had a decent plot here, and the villains felt human because you had them care about each other and have reasons for doing what they're doing rather than just making them blatantly evil. Only thing I'd say is that this could've been a little longer with a bit more meat, but I know you don't like writing stuff much longer than this, so I won't pressure you there.

I don't agree with what you say about most superheroes/villains being unrelatable, though. Just because they might have powers doesn't mean you can't relate to them. A lot of them, particularly ones from Marvel, have normal lives next to their hero ones that lots of us can relate to. Spiderman/Peter Parker suffered bullying and high school stress and the loss of a loved one, for instance. Those are things many people experience. Batman lost his parents to a shooter, and people get murdered in real life too. Captain America experienced war first hand like a lot of the military. Daredevil went blind due to a radioactive waste accident and there are blind people in the world. And the list could go on.

DC doesn't have nearly as many relatable heroes, though. Batman is the only notable one I can really think of there. Both main Batmans, in fact (Bruce Wayne is the first, Terry McGinnis succeeded him later in Batman Beyond. Like Bruce, Terry also had a parent get murdered and Terry also has high school life like Spidey). That's why I prefer Marvel though.

Firstly, and most importantly-

I don't even want to go there about length.  Especially since there was no physical way to make that hot mess LONGER without making it WORSE than it already was and the natural temptation to get far darker because that's what happens.  Plus I unlike you it seems really REALLY do not want to have any more negative dealings with Eclipse than I already have.  Once was bad enough.

 

I've said this before but I think it needs particular emphasis so that there is no misunderstanding.

 

I don't like having things that are too long- and quite frankly I CAN'T make things longer than they are without making things worse.  It's just how the cookie crumbles.

 

I suppose it just boils down to how much detail you want- for me less is always more because it lets the reader do their own lifting and picture the scene the way they want to picture it.  I've always been like that.

 

I know for a fact I never mentioned before but back when I was in high school you'd be lucky to get written answers to ANY question longer than two or three words, right up to the HSC just about.  And the stories...

 

Well let's just say that you'd be lucky to get a hundred words on them, especially if it's things I don't particularly care for.  That goes for both Marvel and DC.  I hate them both in equal measure.

 

I tolerate the Avengers at best because Thor and Loki shenanigans and antics and that's about it.

 

Other than that...

 

I suppose it is worth mentioning I was almost actually going to sit this round out entirely, but I was like fuck it, growth is growth no matter how much I might not like the subject matter.

[Ottservia]

Well I haven't gotten around to reading Chloey's yet but I have read @Anacybele's so here are my thoughts on that:

Spoiler

It's not a bad work and the plot itself has very decent build up and pay off. The dialogue between characters felt natural especially with Garrick. He was by far the strongest character in this story and the message explored with him is simple but effective. My main issue with it though is that the story is too fast and I realize that's not your fault but rather the limitations you were stuck with. It just felt like you had to cram so much into so little space. I feel like this story would work far better as a say 5-ish chapter crossover fic. Cause aside from maybe Garrick no idea or character really had any room to breathe. It was just kinda like "gotta get to the next plot point gotta get to the next plot point". Again I realize you were working under a 10,000 word limit and to be fair it was pretty good despite the rough pacing but again if you were to rewrite this and add maybe like a couple thousand more words and split up it into separate chapters it would be much better and realize its full potential.

 

[Anacybele]

16 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

Well I haven't gotten around to reading Chloey's yet but I have read @Anacybele's so here are my thoughts on that:

  Hide contents

It's not a bad work and the plot itself has very decent build up and pay off. The dialogue between characters felt natural especially with Garrick. He was by far the strongest character in this story and the message explored with him is simple but effective. My main issue with it though is that the story is too fast and I realize that's not your fault but rather the limitations you were stuck with. It just felt like you had to cram so much into so little space. I feel like this story would work far better as a say 5-ish chapter crossover fic. Cause aside from maybe Garrick no idea or character really had any room to breathe. It was just kinda like "gotta get to the next plot point gotta get to the next plot point". Again I realize you were working under a 10,000 word limit and to be fair it was pretty good despite the rough pacing but again if you were to rewrite this and add maybe like a couple thousand more words and split up it into separate chapters it would be much better and realize its full potential.

 

Yeah, I felt the same as I was writing it. It would've been better if I could've made it a multi-chapter fic. This is why I was saying to Chloey that it's difficult to write something good when you have to cram it into a short number of words. It's just easier to write a longer story so everything is a bit fleshed out more and better paced. I'm not great at writing one shot stories that are under only a few thousand to several thousand words. I'm grateful the general rule is 10,000 and not something lower.

In fact, had I not had the limit, I probably would have gone for a protags vs Risen battle instead of having Garrick sneak a dagger into Vedette's back right away. That bit would've ended up coming later instead.

I'll actually have to split this up into at least two chapters if I post it on my DA though, as it's too long to make into one writing deviation. lol

Oh yeah, and I do think I did the best job with Garrick here, agreed on that too! He's much more fleshed out than when he made that short first appearance in the "More Than a Friend" entry. 😛

[Ottservia]

14 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Yeah, I felt the same as I was writing it. It would've been better if I could've made it a multi-chapter fic. This is why I was saying to Chloey that it's difficult to write something good when you have to cram it into a short number of words. It's just easier to write a longer story so everything is a bit fleshed out more and better paced. I'm not great at writing one shot stories that are under only a few thousand to several thousand words. I'm grateful the general rule is 10,000 and not something lower.

In fact, had I not had the limit, I probably would have gone for a protags vs Risen battle instead of having Garrick sneak a dagger into Vedette's back right away. That bit would've ended up coming later instead.

I'll actually have to split this up into at least two chapters if I post it on my DA though, as it's too long to make into one writing deviation. lol

Oh yeah, and I do think I did the best job with Garrick here, agreed on that too! He's much more fleshed out than when he made that short first appearance in the "More Than a Friend" entry. 😛

yeah I personally prefer long-form story telling myself. It's the reason why I love shounen anime/manga so much cause everything has time to slowly build and allow you to get invested into the story and characters. When it comes to these kinds of one-shots though I find it's easier to just focus on a singular idea or character. That way it's easier to pace and manage cause with that many ideas and characters, with each needing adequate time to fully flesh out and explore, it can get kind of hard to squeeze all that in such a short time frame.  But yeah it was an enjoyable read.

[Anacybele]

Just now, Ottservia said:

yeah I personally prefer long-form story telling myself. It's the reason why I love shounen anime/manga so much cause everything has time to slowly build and allow you to get invested into the story and characters. When it comes to these kinds of one-shots though I find it's easier to just focus on a singular idea or character. That way it's easier to pace and manage cause with that many ideas and characters, with each needing adequate time to fully flesh out and explore, it can get kind of hard to squeeze all that in such a short time frame.  But yeah it was an enjoyable read.

I see, yeah. I'll have to look for singular ideas more often, and maybe not have to use as many characters. Between the six main protags (Link, Judo, the two Kellis, Frederick, and Ralph), the two antagonists (Vedette and Garrick) and Conan, Zelda, Chrom, Olivia, and Cordelia, that's thirteen characters! Fourteen if you also count the Hyrulean guard. Quite a bit for a one-shot.

If I just can't find one for the prompt in question, well, I guess I'll have to skip that prompt.

[Ottservia]

Finally got around to reading @TheSilentChloey's entry and my thoughts?

Spoiler

Y'know it's funny. Ana's entry suffered from having too much detail and stuff going on. This entry is actually the exact opposite. There's not enough detail cause honestly it's interesting and if fleshed out a bit could be really great  as it stands though it feels a little lukewarm. Like there's an idea for something pretty great and entertaining there but it's not fleshed out enough to really make an impact. Also don't be too hard on yourself. It's not a bad piece just one that could've used a little more stuff in it. I mean if anything I like the characters they seem very enjoyable. The interactions they have are fun and charming in it's own sort of way. I just kinda wish there was more of it.

 

Edit: It's like a buffet honestly. Ana's entry is like trying to cram as much food on your plate as possible and over stuffing yourself while Chloey's entry is basically only grabbing like a small handful of food and still feeling hungry afterwards

Edited August 23, 2019 by Ottservia

[Anacybele]

1 hour ago, Ottservia said:

Edit: It's like a buffet honestly. Ana's entry is like trying to cram as much food on your plate as possible and over stuffing yourself while Chloey's entry is basically only grabbing like a small handful of food and still feeling hungry afterwards 

lol that's honestly accurate.

[TheSilentChloey]

7 hours ago, Ottservia said:

Finally got around to reading @TheSilentChloey's entry and my thoughts?

  Hide contents

Y'know it's funny. Ana's entry suffered from having too much detail and stuff going on. This entry is actually the exact opposite. There's not enough detail cause honestly it's interesting and if fleshed out a bit could be really great  as it stands though it feels a little lukewarm. Like there's an idea for something pretty great and entertaining there but it's not fleshed out enough to really make an impact. Also don't be too hard on yourself. It's not a bad piece just one that could've used a little more stuff in it. I mean if anything I like the characters they seem very enjoyable. The interactions they have are fun and charming in it's own sort of way. I just kinda wish there was more of it.

 

Edit: It's like a buffet honestly. Ana's entry is like trying to cram as much food on your plate as possible and over stuffing yourself while Chloey's entry is basically only grabbing like a small handful of food and still feeling hungry afterwards

Yeah but nah.  It's crap, I get it.  No need to draw blood from a stone y'all.

 

As much as I have found myself pretty much at an impasse I am not sure I should have even entered this round at all tbh.  Still let's see what @Anacybele comes up with for the theme before I say whether I'm out completely or not.

[Ottservia]

So @Anacybele seeing as how you’re most likely gonna win this round what do you got for us?

[Anacybele]

5 hours ago, Ottservia said:

So @Anacybele seeing as how you’re most likely gonna win this round what do you got for us?

I'm still thinking on it. I've been working all weekend, so I haven't had a lot of time to come up with a prompt.

Kinda wish I'd gotten more than one review on my entry, but oh well. This round wasn't much of a round anyway. xP

Edited August 25, 2019 by Anacybele

[Ottservia]

Apologies for sounding impatient as I’m sure you’re a busy person but I’ve got an itch to get this round started. I need to get my creative juices roaring!

[Anacybele]

Sorry, I was waiting for someone else to post because I didn't think I was allowed to double post here.

I guess we'll go with this, it's the only interesting thing to come to mind:

A parent or parents find out their child has done something wrong or gotten themselves into a messy situation, and they have to figure out how to handle it.

Whatever the kid did, it can be on purpose or an accident and they can have good reasons or bad reasons. Let's just see how the parent or parents deal with it! I've got an idea in mind for a non-official entry too. I've had my Ike and Elincia fam interact with each other a good bit in a story, as well as Frederick, my female Robin and their kids. It's time to give Judo, Kelli, and Mayula a turn to have some family dynamics. What happens with May though, since she seems like a good girl? We'll have to wait and see.

 

[Ottservia]

13 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Sorry, I was waiting for someone else to post because I didn't think I was allowed to double post here.

I guess we'll go with this, it's the only interesting thing to come to mind:

A parent or parents find out their child has done something wrong or gotten themselves into a messy situation, and they have to figure out how to handle it.

I kinda figured that was the case. There’s a cute idea I can turn into something a little more “fun”. Oh boy do I love emotionally traumatizing my characters. It’s fun

[Anacybele]

1 minute ago, Ottservia said:

I kinda figured that was the case. There’s a cute idea I can turn into something a little more “fun”. Oh boy do I love emotionally traumatizing my characters. It’s fun

Yeah, that can be fun! XD I guess it's a reason I came up with that idea of Frederick being captured and forced to choose between his family and his liege awhile back.

[Azure the Scale Tipper]

Hmm...

Obviously, Fire Emblem can work here, given how Awakening and Fates are (have not played Genealogy). Though, I could do something D&D related as well. I’ll think of something.

[TheSilentChloey]

Umm...talk about lack of entries.  I would have expected something to have been posted well before now.  Though life's clearly the cause here.

[Ottservia]

3 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Umm...talk about lack of entries.  I would have expected something to have been posted well before now.  Though life's clearly the cause here.

I have something that’s like 90% complete. I mean it’s not very good and the last scene is giving me some trouble but hey it’s something at least though I think you’re gonna like it chloey

[TheSilentChloey]

2 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

I have something that’s like 90% complete. I mean it’s not very good and the last scene is giving me some trouble but hey it’s something at least though I think you’re gonna like it chloey

Like I said stuff happens, plus it's a...well I wouldn't say difficult theme to work with but perhaps something I find particularly...well I'll let what I'm throwing together do the talking, especially since it's what came to mind with the theme.

[Azure the Scale Tipper]

Yeah, sorry. College has just been a thing for me and I still have no idea on what to write about.

Not sure if I can do something in six days, but I might. And it might still be FE-related.