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SF's "Write Your Butt Off" Competition HD II.5 Remix

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32 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

You'd absolutely hate the crazy summoner Roster then by default, and the crazy summoner by extension since they are the worst versions of themselves.

Ah, I see. So this stuff is there because of this particular summoner's personality. That makes more sense then.

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14 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Ah, I see. So this stuff is there because of this particular summoner's personality. That makes more sense then.

Nailed it XP

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I guess I'll give a bit of feedback. We'll see if I have time to give feedback for everyone else.

@Anacybele: I liked the story, although I would have really benefitted from more stories featuring those characters, but I feel like A) The story could have had a bit more pace or had another element to add extra depth and B) Ryo needed some more backstory or something.. I'm not saying his conflict wasn't explained properly, but I don't think it's explained why he left Kakariko village or why he became a knight. The story was an enjoyable read, and I'm glad you wrote it!

@OrcaWolf Obviously, there were some grammar issues. That's been said a lot already, so I won't say much about it any more. Otherwise, your story was very fast-paced, represented the characters well without describing their past in first person and was a fairly gripping read. It was certainly an original work based on a world, and I appreciate that.

@Ottservia It was good, but I think occasionally the flashbacks/Corrin's mind took away from the action. The things I liked the most was that you represented the characters well and represented the theme well. However, the last three or so entries I've seen you do were all dramatic recreations of events that canonically happen or were heavily influenced by dialogue and supports. I can overlook the fact that a lot of the ways you tried to represent the characters was by using imitations of their in-game lines, but I'd like to see you add more of your own spice to the worlds you're writing about without (ab)using the stuff that's already there.  Don't get me wrong, though, all of your entries were enthralling and entertaining.

 

That's all for now, and I did warn that I'm bad at feedback.

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5 hours ago, Anacybele said:

Ah, I see. So this stuff is there because of this particular summoner's personality. That makes more sense then.

I'm going to be honest, this is actually a problem I have with FEH. All Units react to Kiran exactly the same way - as though Kiran is an incredibly empathetic kind individual. This would be all well and good, except Kiran is supposed to be me, and I absolutely am not just that - I highly doubt I would be working myself to the bone nearly as often as everyone's everything quotes seem to suggest Kiran is, I'm very much more like what I hear Hilda's personality is when it comes to actual fighting and the like, I'd probably sit around all day playing chess with everyone I could get to play with me - all the excellent strategists to learn from!

Anyways, the only place I've seen the relationship between Summoner and Hero explored by anyone other than Chloey is on DeviantArt, where in typical DA fashion the general consensus seems to be to depict the Heroes as doing literally anything the Summoner asks without question, usually in complete opposition of their actual personality. No one really makes an effort to explore the idea behind a Summoner who doesn't fit Kiran's uber-generic anime protagonist personality and the interactions between such an individual and the Heroes under them. I kind of explored the concept a little with The Darkest Deed back in Round 11(incidentally I just noticed it's not registered as a non-entry piece on the homepage so it may be tricky to find), where the Summoner is(to the Heroes) a dangerous psychopath willing to go so far as to sacrifice members of the Order of Heroes in order to grant his personal favorites the power to lay waste on the battlefield, but even that barely dips into the concept.

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15 minutes ago, Benice said:

It was good, but I think occasionally the flashbacks/Corrin's mind took away from the action. The things I liked the most was that you represented the characters well and represented the theme well. However, the last three or so entries I've seen you do were all dramatic recreations of events that canonically happen or were heavily influenced by dialogue and supports. I can overlook the fact that a lot of the ways you tried to represent the characters was by using imitations of their in-game lines, but I'd like to see you add more of your own spice to the worlds you're writing about without (ab)using the stuff that's already there.  Don't get me wrong, though, all of your entries were enthralling and entertaining.

Y’know it’s funny that you mention that because originally the idea was to do the same thing but with my own original characters and setting although I couldn’t quite get the feeling I was aiming for without going into a shit ton of backstory detail so I ultimately scrapped it and went with Xander and Corrin instead. Although I don’t see how my last entry was using stuff that was already there at least in the way I think you’re defining it. From what I recall, most of my previous entry was original aside from the characters and setting. The dialogue and stuff was all my own. I get your overall point though. Be more of a story teller rather than a story adapter. Or what about “The price of a wish”? That one was sort of a side story I made with my own original characters in a pre-established setting.

Edited by Ottservia

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27 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

I'm going to be honest, this is actually a problem I have with FEH. All Units react to Kiran exactly the same way - as though Kiran is an incredibly empathetic kind individual. This would be all well and good, except Kiran is supposed to be me, and I absolutely am not just that - I highly doubt I would be working myself to the bone nearly as often as everyone's everything quotes seem to suggest Kiran is, I'm very much more like what I hear Hilda's personality is when it comes to actual fighting and the like, I'd probably sit around all day playing chess with everyone I could get to play with me - all the excellent strategists to learn from!

Anyways, the only place I've seen the relationship between Summoner and Hero explored by anyone other than Chloey is on DeviantArt, where in typical DA fashion the general consensus seems to be to depict the Heroes as doing literally anything the Summoner asks without question, usually in complete opposition of their actual personality. No one really makes an effort to explore the idea behind a Summoner who doesn't fit Kiran's uber-generic anime protagonist personality and the interactions between such an individual and the Heroes under them. I kind of explored the concept a little with The Darkest Deed back in Round 11(incidentally I just noticed it's not registered as a non-entry piece on the homepage so it may be tricky to find), where the Summoner is(to the Heroes) a dangerous psychopath willing to go so far as to sacrifice members of the Order of Heroes in order to grant his personal favorites the power to lay waste on the battlefield, but even that barely dips into the concept.

I wouldn't say all my heroes like me either- I haven't even dipped into what happens when I get someone I really don't want, and that is something I want to explore at some point, if I actually can get around to doing it.  There are a few scathing entries in the infamous Roster that @Nym will tell you are quite unflattering for certain characters.

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15 minutes ago, TheSilentChloey said:

I wouldn't say all my heroes like me either- I haven't even dipped into what happens when I get someone I really don't want, and that is something I want to explore at some point, if I actually can get around to doing it.  There are a few scathing entries in the infamous Roster that @Nym will tell you are quite unflattering for certain characters.

Yup, can confirm.

If I would be a hero, I would fucking hope to come at a moment when I wouldn't bother her. And to never annoy her because otherwise... yikes.

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Why is it whenever I write about fates, that's when I get the most votes? I thought y'all hated fates

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1 hour ago, Ottservia said:

Why is it whenever I write about fates, that's when I get the most votes? I thought y'all hated fates

I mean, I kinda DO, but it's because it has bad writing. You're taking a game with bad writing and fixing it in your own way, so that's a big kudos.

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Thank you all for the feedback (I couldn’t quote them because I’m bad at the forums system right now). Yeah I kind of rushed through it after my first draft got deleted. I’ll try again next time. I read all of yours. I don’t have much criticism to give than what’s already been given though. I liked them all.

Edited by OrcaWolf

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On 1/16/2020 at 11:54 PM, Dragoncat said:

I mean, I kinda DO, but it's because it has bad writing. You're taking a game with bad writing and fixing it in your own way, so that's a big kudos.

Well I guess when you put it like that it makes sense.

 

Anyway seeing as how I seem to have taken this one my prompt for you all this time is to write a story about overcoming loneliness. Humans are social creatures after all and loneliness is one of the most unbearable forms of human suffering. Sometimes people feel isolated and alone and need someone who will be there for them. Someone they can share their pain with so they don't have to bear that pain alone. Someone they can call a friend who will be with them no matter what and who they'll protect with their lives.

Edited by Ottservia

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4 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

Well I guess when you put it like that it makes sense.

 

Anyway seeing as how I seem to have taken this one my prompt for you all this time is to write a story about overcoming loneliness. Humans are social creatures after all and loneliness is one of the most unbearable forms of human suffering. Sometimes people feel isolated and alone and need someone who will be there for them. Someone they can share their pain with so they don't have to bear that pain alone. Someone they can call a friend who will be with them no matter what and who they'll protect with their lives.

Hmm...hmmm...hmmm....hmmm

 

Damn it Otts!  Why'd you have to make it that XD

 

Sarcasm aside, I have an idea...but don't say it's any good XP

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1 minute ago, TheSilentChloey said:

Hmm...hmmm...hmmm....hmmm

 

Damn it Otts!  Why'd you have to make it that XD

 

Sarcasm aside, I have an idea...but don't say it's any good XP

Well what can I say I'm shounen trash. I just want characters to realize that they care about each other!!

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1 hour ago, Ottservia said:

Well what can I say I'm shounen trash. I just want characters to realize that they care about each other!!

Get ready for an entirely original universe then.  And some characters no one has actually seen yet...

 

It's also going to be a long one...

Edited by TheSilentChloey

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I guess I have an idea. It'll be very, very bad. Prepare for the sufferage!

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Come on guys, I just want you to write some shounen power of friendship stuff(at least that’s one way the prompt can be interpreted). Believe in yourselves!!!

Edited by Ottservia

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22 hours ago, Ottservia said:

write a story about overcoming loneliness

Anticipating Valentine's Day for us, eh?

On 1/15/2020 at 12:44 AM, SoulWeaver said:

depict the Heroes as doing literally anything the Summoner asks without question, usually in complete opposition of their actual personality.

It would help if the voice direction in the game was better too.

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7 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

Anticipating Valentine's Day for us, eh?

Nah I’m just shounen trash but hey who says I can’t be both

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WTH is a shounen? Perhaps I misinterpreted the prompt.

Edited by Benice

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13 minutes ago, Benice said:

WTH is a shounen? Perhaps I misinterpreted the prompt.

I don't think you misinterpreted the prompt. I restrained myself from making it too specific so long as the character overcomes loneliness in some or fashion then it should be fine but one of those ways is through shounen power up moments like this one for example.(You only really need to watch 5 or so minutes from where it starts to get an idea of what I mean)

Spoiler

 

I am slowly revealing how much narutard I am and that is okay

Edited by Ottservia

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I have the perfect idea for this! I'm going to use a couple of characters I haven't written in here yet. 🙂

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On 1/18/2020 at 10:18 PM, Ottservia said:

write a story about overcoming loneliness

So you...want us all to write about Severa, then. Alright, we'll see what I can come up with.

In all seriousness, I've the beginning of an idea. Definitely not who anyone here would suspect. We'll see if I can find time to scribble out something slightly better than the barely-1k-words stuff I've been putting out.

...Actually, I have two ideas that might work for this. Maybe I'll actually commit to devoting time to this for once.

Also @AnonymousSpeed I forgot about your last reply to me about God having a physical body. It's a doctrine of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, it can be found in the Doctrine and Covenants, Section 130, Verse 22. Hopefully that gives you the insight you were after as to my thought process involving the journey to perfection in mortality.

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7 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

So you...want us all to write about Severa, then. Alright, we'll see what I can come up with.

well I’d be lying if the thought didn’t cross my mind anyway.

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I had a stupid week long ban from charging my stuff thanks to my Dad, so not as much done as I would like,

The Entry is here: Dragontouched

It's around 1,600 words.

 

Post read notes

Spoiler

Hel- Dragon of the Dead son of Loki the Dragon of Tricks and Imp the Dragon of Tragedy.

Thór- Dragon of Thunder aka God of Thunder

Neptuna- Dragon of Water

Adrian- (aka Aquarius), a human child capable of using water magic to both defend and heal others

Kiran- A Felinia who is Dragontouched or Blessed by Thór.

Ice Elves- an ancient and powerful Elvish race who see humans as slaves to do with as they please.

 

Edited by TheSilentChloey
Adding post read notes.

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A curious entry, definitely intriguing. You did miss the 'n' in 'rednuht' and I assume 'rof' was supposed to be 'morf' but other than that it looks pretty good.

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