Saint Rubenio

And then Arete got one-rounded by Kenshi with his brave lance, and that's the end of this session. Man, how many chapters did I play in, what, 3 hours? People told me this was a slog, and yet, I've done like 4 maps in the time it took me to do 2 in the Tellius games. Good story, what's that? I need no good stories, I got generics! Speaking of good stories, Arete died after exchanging some heartfelt dialogue with her daughter. I still have no idea what her purpose in this story was supposed to be. I wonder what villain they'll pull out of their asses after this. I sure hope it's not friggin' Mikoto, of all people. But that would hardly make any sense, would it? ...Yes, before you say it, I know what the next map is, and I also know that it is quite infamous. We'll see in due time. Now is not due time, though, now it's dinner time.

Oh no. Scarlet. How tragic. I am shocked and appalled at this turn of events, how can we ever face our dear friend. I like how Arete was like "I have a friend of yours with me... you'll know what I mean if you live long enough," and then Scarlet died in turn 2. I mean, c'mon, Arete. It's one thing to be overconfident, but I barely had time to even reach your troops. It was physically impossible for us to die before finding out what you meant. You make no sense, Arete, I nitpick your dialogue without mercy. Anyway, so far, easy like the other maps, but I have to wait for the bridges to move. Worst Valla map so far, just for that.

"It would be tragic if someone were to betray us during our final battle." I like how Gunter has literally done the "be a shame if something happened to it" meme. Very subtle, old man. Also, the plot really has taken a nosedive in this final stretch. The Anthony nonsense hardly served a purpose, we still know next to nothing about Valla, Azura's mother or Anankos even though we've been here for like 6 maps, and now there's this. In the last map, Arete attacked us to prevent us from reaching Anankos. In this map... Arete is attacking us to prevent us from reaching Anankos. Last map was completely pointless filler. Nice. I am once again upset that Garon is nowhere to be seen. Aaaaaaaaaanyway, this looks like the bridge map, except instead of manipulating the bridges with dragon veins, it appears I'll have to wait. Marvelous. Thanks, Rev. True. Instead I'm having fun. Go figure.

I'm starting to think my generics might've grown a wee bit too well. The difficulty has plummeted since the first Valla map. I'm breezing through these! Also, why did the portrait have such a heroic-sounding boss theme? She had no personality beyond "haha I am evil and Anankos is my liege." We'll see. Oh, shit... That's not good. I hope you find the cause...

Aaaand another map in the sack. These are starting to go by really quick! I grabbed another S rank weapon, which means another 5k to buy brave weapons. With this, I can afford one brave weapon. Selling my entire supply of shurikens and daggers (not like anyone can use them) yields enough for another one. Fritz takes the boots, the arms scroll stays in the convoy while I decide who could grab it, and it's go time once more! This map's plot reveals that the game is not going to do anything interesting with Azura's mom in the slightest. She's a portrait. Let's go kill the portrait and continue to lament Garon's absence, because he had more personality than any of these goons. A bad one, but a personality nonetheless. As for the map itself, this is another map that looks like it's going to go by in no time. I have no fliers, unfortunately, because Rev didn't offer any while I still had the ability to capture, but no matter. We just have to zoom in, kill a portrait while Roderick grabs another 5k bullion in the shape of a weapon and go. Easy.

So far this is being quite the easy map. The promote-demote enemies mechanic, while interesting, mostly works in my favor, and the tiny enemy density per room allows me to just bumrush them, promoted or unpromoted. It'd be more fun if the mechanic impacted my units too, honestly. Still, not a bad map. Occasionally they one-round things. That should be all you need to know. Oh, no doubt. It's already fun in Rev, imagine in Conquest, where the generics actually have interesting skills. That's gotta be great.

If it takes as long to grow as before... I fear I may not be a beard person, even though I'm a beard person. I want more Garon. It is impossible for them to upset me with Garon. The best they can do is make me laugh some more, which I hope they do. Don't tempt me. Not only that, their stats are actually balanced, as opposed to being hilariously good or bad like the proper playables. Imagine having to experience that instead of imagining it like me. It is bliss, Sooks. Bliss.

Well, that's that. Easy, short map with a harmless dragon vein mechanic that wasn't impacted by my decision to only have Corrin around to use them. I mean, sure, I took 33 turns, but... ah, who the hell cares. In fairness, only reason I took that long was because I went out of my way to get the 5000 gold bullion named Waterwheel. Seriously, I love how useless the S rank weapons are in this game. People talk about Binding Blade's weapon ranks, but this one is even worse, it's impossible to get anyone to S. If this were still unatic, all of my generics would've joined with max ranks... Alas, I also wouldn't have made it this far, so I regret nothing. And now, I get to watch the most unexpected turn of events in the world. Nobody could've seen that coming. Oh dear. Also, I have two extra slots, so I guess I could deploy Fuga, but... naaah fuck it, I've changed my mind. I don't want to taint my perfect generics only run with a slightly less generic person. Azura and the one Onmyoji that's been sitting in the bench since forever for backup heals it is.

That was my reaction when I read on the paper that I have to shave, yes.

And they don't have Garon! How can they not have Garon? He's the best character in this vidyageim...! I am seriously considering going on the unpopular opinion thread after I'm done with this game, say "Revelation good" and see how many minds implode. Hyyyype.

I'm just talking about the narrative here. I see the gimmick, I think it's tasteful enough. But I truly do wish there was more to the plot of these maps than just... Uhh, "hi this is Valla and it exists." ...Can we have more Garon? I really would like more Garon. A game about Garon would be ideal. That would've been cool, yeah.

Rev time. Today I have another forgettable filler chapter that doesn't matter for the plot at all because Valla has like 4 maps worth of plot and yet they gave it double that amount. One of my wisdom teeth will require surgery to be removed. Allegedly, they'd rather you shaved in order to prevent the beard from being a source of infection, as well as interfering with some of the equipment. Oh, well. It's all right. I suppose it won't kill me to have a change of look after so long. Who knows, maybe after that it will grow better and my stache will actually reach my beard. Better than having a shitty bite the rest of my life. This was a long time coming, but the pandemic prevented me from going earlier.

Me?! It was the game itself! I just relayed the message!

I will play this while I shave.

Okay, so I just came back from the dentist, where I had my teeth cleaned. It was... unpleasant, but the results were good. Unfortunately, I bear some tragic news: Reuben will become a reality. I must shave before I can have my wisdom teeth extracted. I will try not too cry too much. Sure! Please go ahead and give someone my name. ...That guy, in particular. I am greedy for bad units getting good levels. There.

Sooks% says you suck%.

Well, now you can say cock. I hope you use this knowledge wisely. You have failed the sooks%, Sooks. You are a disgrace. Unrelated: Long ago, Team Fortress 2 was updated regularly. Then everything changed when the bots attacked. Only the devs, masters of the Source engine, could stop them, but when the world needed them most, they vanished.

It's just "cock" in Spanish. Congratulations, but you lost the recruitable. Everyone knows you don't just keep going when you lose a recruitable in FE. Weird... I hope so too. Ergh... okay, yeah, whatever you say.

Hahahahaha... Ahhhhh, Sooks. You're so innocent. You're a terrible player, Sooks. Not like me, I am very good and smart. ...I mean, I accidentally fixed Revelation by being spiteful. I think I deserve some credit for that. Jikes... This emulator is so strange. I had the weird texture glitches, you had the lightning issues and now lag, then there's my friend who is currently playing Echoes on his potato PC and according to him it goes without a hitch... It's like everyone's experience is different. How does that happen? Pffft... Well, I mean, I could've. She's still around. Funnily enough she survived the real deal, although she will not see any more action.

Niles broke his kneecaps for his constant trashtalking and then he appeared in my prison.

All right, then. That was Rev chapter 19 done. I really liked that map! Sure, it was just chapter 15 of Conquest with a full team, but... gonna be honest here, I liked this version better. Far tougher enemies and more units to control made this less of a "watch Gunter and Corrin do things" deal. Of course, I don't know how this map plays out with the usual Rev unit balance, but with my generic army? It was great fun to play. Though, I will admit that I kinda had Sven frontlining with nosferatu and a Christof backpack. I guess you could call that a cheese, haha. Man was unkillable! Sooooo yeah, so far, I'm not seeing the complaints here. There were a couple of dumb maps, but this is far from the worst FE I've ever played. Really far. And then Fuga came out of nowhere, in perhaps the most ridiculous of all these caslte recruitments. It was dumb enough that these folks are just sort of waltzing into our alternate dimension castle, but even outside the alternate dimension we're in an alternate dimension. Fuga is the frigging fourteenth doctor or something to be able to pull this off... Yeah, I'm afraid it doesn't seem like he's into Senno. Maybe he'd find Vergga more to his liking? Couldn't you have at least killed him with someone cool? Friendly reminder that he killed Takumi in my run

Okay, that's enough. Time for some more Rev. Fuga didn't join even though I waited half a day, but that's okay. He wouldn't have gotten deployed in this map anyway. Plot time. Azura drops a bunch of exposition and then we randomly encounter a completely normal, not at all invisible boy. This is not suspicious. Not in the slightest. Oh hey, it looks like chapter 15 of Conquest, except with a full army. Eh, we'll see how this works out. At any rate, I absolutely need the money. I notice a distinct lack of Senno being captured in this summary of your actions in the map.

This is why you use acronyms instead of numbers. Yeah. Totally what I was doing. ...I really need to get used to using the acronyms more often. I try to, but sometimes the numbers slip by. SDatBoL > MotE Book 1 because Wrys exists

Oh... Well, to be honest, I'd say you're good to go after you're done with 5. 1, 2 and 3 are just outdated versions of 11, 12 and 16 at this point. Some people argue that 3 still holds up and is well worth a shot, so try it out if you wish, but... Well, in my opinion, it doesn't. The other two though, play them if you want a look at FE's early history and appreciate all the advancements that we now take for granted. That's about it.