Let's Play: Empire Total War! - Knights of St. John run

[IGdood]

So, a few weeks ago, I saw a LP thread for X-Com: UFO Defense. I was promptly inspired by Integrity and decided to do my own LP for Empire: Total War. Other forumites can participate by getting their regiments named.

Current ONGOING Knights of St. John Campaign (3 regiments and 3 ships per user limit in effect, excluding myself, of course)

Termina Division - Order Militia Cavalry - Acacia Sgt.

Aesir Riders - Order Cavalry - Acacia Sgt.

Jaguar Squad - Mounted Tribal Auxiliary - Acacia Sgt.

Cancer Regiment - Marines - Acacia Sgt.

White Base - Steamship -Acacia Sgt.

Melon Cutterz - Cuirassiers - The Leech

Most Noble Order of Spiky Gitz - Order Cavalry - Furetchen

Ironcraw's Marksboyz - Royal Cairo Infantry Guards - Furetchen

98th Colonial Facebiter Corps - Blunderbuss Shotgunners - Furetchen

Diplomacy - 2nd Rate Ship of the Line - Furetchen - SUNK

Intimidation - 2nd Rate Ship of the Line - Furetchen

Persuasion - 1st Rate Ship of the Line - Furetchen

Indefatigable - Heavy First Rate - Integrity

ANGRY MARINES - Order Marines - skitarii

ERRORED USA Campaign (2 regiments per user limit in effect, excluding myself, of course)

The Other Kinda Indians - Mounted Tribal Auxiliary - Integrity

Oscar Mikes - Rangers - Integrity

18th New Charcatra Foot - Long Rifle Men - Furetchen

53rd East Gruen Foot Guard - 1st Maryland - Furetchen

Acacia Dragoons - Lee's Legion- Acacia Sgt

Terminian Division - 2nd Continental Light Dragoons - Acacia Sgt

The Sable Order - Pulaski's Legion - skitarii

Lugnasadh - Puckle Guns - skitarii

Current Named Regiments in FINISHED Prussian Campaign

389th Whores of War - Furetchen - Death's Head Hussars

Sir Samuel Vimes' First of Foot - Furetchen - Swiss Guards

75th Chuck's Roundhouse Boys - Furetchen - Potsdam Giants Grenadiers

68th Bohemian Bitchslappers - Furetchen - Company Line Infantry

First Integritous Profiteers - Integrity - Pandours

The Other Kinda Indians - Integrity - Native Bowmen Auxiliary

Anna's Prinnies - Anna - Swiss Pikemen

Team Rocket - Anna - Rocket Troop

Crimson Blade - Cocytus - Marines

Rough Riders - skitarii - Bosniak Lancers

Jake's Load - skitarii - 32lb Heavy Howitzer

Beck's Shot - skitarii - 24lb Heavy Horse Guard Artillery

Hookers and Blow - skitarii - Dahomey Amazons

Tallarn Desert Foxes - skitarii - Royal Cairo Guards

For newcomers to the total war series, it's possibly one of the most involved strategy games ever. The game is mainly divided into two segments: Turn-based and real-time.

In the turn-based segments you move your armies around, manage your cities, train troops, make diplomacy, assassinate enemy generals, spy on enemy cities and whatnot. This is probably the part that turns most casual gamers away, it gets very taxing keeping track of everything.

Real-time occurs when your armies clash with others on the world map. The game will do a pretty epic zoom-in onto the map (or just go straight to the battle on the much older 2D games). Your general (or captain if you didn't put one there) will give a speech that could be heroic or shitty (if he's insane or cowardly) and you can position your men. After that you can begin the battle and start making your moves. (sadly, this feature was removed in the gunpowder age games)

There's no weapon triangle like in FE, but certain types of units are effective against others. The game strives to be historically correct and follows real life. Spearmen beat cavalry, cavalry beat swordsmen, swordsmen usually kick spearmen ass, and ranged units are just there to take out as many enemies as possible before the melee begins. However, sometimes units can beat their weaknesses if they're experienced enough or they're a high-tier unit. There are special units which aren't part of the strength/weakness system, but are either very risky/hard to use. Examples would be elephants, chariots, horse archers (pain in the ass to fight)

Units are not single individuals, but are groups of soldiers, which can range from 80 (knights, elites) to 200 (peasants, low quality infantry) Growths are static, with every level up increasing attack and defence by 1. There are named characters who are part of your royal family, and they become generals if placed in an army. They also grow depending on the situations you put them in on the battlefield, which can lead to very awesome warriors or very....umm...insane people. This can boost or screw over your troops' stats.

The main goal of the game is to conquer your enemies, or if you're into roleplaying history, you can be merciful or just do nothing and watch what the other countries do.

In battle, the main goal is to rout the enemy, basically break their will to fight. So, with clever positioning and even with lesser soldiers, you can defeat armies who are theoretically superior. Usually if people are getting chopped from the front, shot at in the sides, and charged in the back, it usually guarantees a rout. You can choose to let them run away and fight you on a better day, or you can chase and cut them down like the dogs they are.

This is my short introduction to the Total War series, it's not similar to Fire Emblem, but it's something I'd like to share with you guys.

This particular version of Total War that I'm playing is Empire Total War. It's set in the 18th century, aka gunpowder age. We won't be seeing knights in shining armor here, but instead everyone has a musket (or in some cases, a rifle), and everyone's got a colorful uniform. The units are pretty much divided thus:

Militia (weak, unskilled, cheap)

Line Infantry (Regular generics, somewhat different between each country, but otherwise there to hold the line)

Guards (Elites)

Grenadiers (Elites, in small numbers unless they're Guard status + Grenadier status, can throw bombs and melee people to death very quickly)

Cavalry (There to catch enemies running away or cut them down)

Irregulars (NOT professional soldiers; varying stats, may hide better or otherwise have some sort of gimmick. Usually cheap and will be outclassed farther down the game)

Light Infantry (Usually suck in a melee, but can otherwise shoot farther than anyone else)

Artillery ( Big guns, bombarding foes from far away but will be cut down in a melee)

Melee (Some units don't have guns. They can range from ultimate suck to ultimate win.)

So, I've decided to play as Prussia, who have the 2nd best basic units compared to Great Britain. However, they start the game in a pretty precarious position, surrounded on all sides by unfriendly nations. They don't have any allies, and all their neighbors do have allies.

I'm sort-of blue. I own only two territories at the start, so let's get building those armies. They're Berlin and Konigsberg.

This'll be useful.

Research is used to unlock better units, more income, better buildings, etc. It takes time and gets longer as the technologies unlocked become more powerful. Right now I've got two schools; I'll focus one on military and the other on farming. More farms = more food = more people = more taxes = more money.

After a few turns of army-building I've decided I'm ready to blitz Poland-Lithuania off of the map. I've got them positioned so hopefully in 1 turn I can take 3 of their provinces.

They've got 3 allies, two of which are minor nations and the other one is Russia. Russia has some of the worst units, and they're slow. Minor nations can't really put up too much of a fight. This might bite me in the ass later on, but whatever. Fuck that.

I manage to take Gdansk, Vilnius and that three-named province. Warsaw is under siege and its garrison is outclassed. Blitz successful, but my forces are stretched quite thin....

OH YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING ME. Austria gives me the jump, and with 6 allies, I think I'm several shades of screwed right now. This brings my enemy count to uh...a little over 10. FUCK.

If I survive this, I'll keep posting. If not, I'll restart the campaign and think things through first.

Edited July 8, 2011 by skitarii

[Iced]

wow, just when I was starting to consider doing a LP of TW:Rome or Medieval 2 this pops up

Total War is a game that does lend itself to LP's well, and I do quite like watching how other people play the game, this is probably due to the fact that I also own the game though. it is the sort of game where you need to understand what is going on to enjoy it.

Perhaps you could spend the first bit of this LP explaining the basics of the game and what it's about first?

and by the way Plug Bayonets are actually pretty useless, the only reason you would get them is to get Carbines, and the only reason you would get those is for Light Dragoons.

[IGdood]

Alright, I'll do some explaining. Thanks for the tips. By the way that tech I researched was the ring bayonet, not the plug bayonet.

[Iced]

No problem, happy to help.

sorry about that, I have a habit of reading things and assuming types, Bayonets are one of those things. Still Ring is only slightly more useful, if any of your riflemen other than maybe the better Line Infantry are getting into close combat regually your either doing something wrong or probably have to rethink your army composition.

Edited September 2, 2010 by Iced

[Balcerzak]

Ah man, this reminds be of when nubs would post in the Sengoku Rance threads on 4chan, and ask "What game is this?" Bunches of folk would troll and tell them "Shogun Total War". I'll be following this, if for no other reason than to learn a bit more.

[Integrity]

Don't you need Plug Bayonets to move onto Real Bayonets and the later techs like Light Infantry Doctrine (<3333) and Fire By Rank (<33333)?

Anyway, SIGNING ON. If I have my druthers, I want to be a regiment of Pandours but you'd have to get an Austrian city for that wouldn't you?

EDIT: Also, don't fucking badmouth Russia. I had a Russian game take me from Moscow to PARIS with Cossack Musketeers and Light Infantry. Course, then the game lagged to unplayability because it was an early build but :(

Edited September 2, 2010 by Integrity

[IGdood]

Iced: I only commit decent melee units only to break enemy morale/chase routers, or if the AI decides to move their skirmishers into my army then I'll charge.

Integrity: Heheheh, well, with the AI and that their line infantry have inferior stats except charge bonus and melee........I can badmouth them....somewhat.

And yes, I do need to go through the plugged bayonet to unlock those ultimate techs later on. I'm not sure about the Pandours part, but I guess it would be so.

I'm using several mods in this game....mainly just to add more variety and units that you guys can choose from. Cheers.

SwissHalberdier's Additional Units Mod: Adds in a lot of units for more variety, will be useful for you guys when it's okay to start naming regiments.

Various animation mods: Officers will have different animations playing around during the battle, and disciplined units are more in sync with their steps. More realistic this way.Sound &Atmosphere mods: When I actually get to recording videos, you'll get to hear far more groans, screams, and other battlefield noises compared to when you play an unmodified game.

Pikeman Fix: Pikemen were bugged in that they couldn't use pikes unless they were put in a special spearwall formation. Unfortunately that made them stationary and it would always be too late for them to get in formation. It would always result in them drawing their swords instead of using their pike. This mod removes the swords.

CAMPAIGN MAP AND BATTLE TUTORIAL UPDATE

For newcomers. The diplomacy screen is a measure on how much other nations like or dislike you. Here you can conduct diplomacy with other nations, such as declaring war, organizing trade agreements, asking for money, giving away provinces...etc.

So, maybe I'm not as screwed as I was before. Double-checking diplomacy tells me I don't that many enemies. It's good that not all of Austria's allies joined in the fight against me.

Austria - Currently a threat.

Saxony - Owns only one province, too concerned with self-defense to do anything.  Might raid my farms and towns to cut my income...

Pirates - I don't have a navy.

Barbary States - They start out at war with everyone.

Russia - Currently besieging one of my towns.

Poland Lithuania - Too weakened by me to do anything.

Courland - One province, weak army. A quick strike might do it.

Sweden somehow became my ally even though I had no money to give them.

Fuck you, Courland. (I took their one and only province) It was a stupid move of theirs to move their main army out of the town. Once a faction loses all of its provinces, its armies dissolve.

Well they didn't like me anyways. What else is on the news?

Russia just blitz'd my province! ((Minsk, Belarus, & Volynia)

In Empire Total War, newly conquered provinces WILL revolt if you don't put enough men in the garrison. Most rebels are usually untrained militia. They're really gonna get it now. I'm on the left, by the way. You might be wondering why my army is led by a portrait instead of a faceless unit. That's because it's being led by a general rather than a colonel. Generals are combat-weak units that offer immense morale bonuses to the men and other things depending on their personalities, which develop according to what they do and how they act on the battlefield.

BATTLE TUTORIAL.

Battles are divided into 2 phases. The first phase is the deployment phase. This is where you choose to position your units, kinda like the Formation screen in Fire Emblem. It's better to position your forces accordingly rather than making them march into position when the battle begins.

Okay, this is the unit stats screen.

Range - Shows how far this unit can shoot Most units have a range of 70, as they're all using muskets.

Accuracy - How likely each individual man in the unit will hit someone.  Accuracy increases as you close the distance.

Reloading Skill - How fast this unit can reload compared to other units. The higher the faster, also improves the chance that their guns won't misfire.

Ammunition - Overall amount of bullets the unit can shoot before having to resort to melee.

Melee Attack - Hand to hand attack. The better the more likely they'll kill someone with each blow.

Charge Bonus - When there's a suitable amount of distance between units and you give the order to melee, your units will charge. Whilst charging, units will earn an attack bonus equal to the charge bonus.

Defence - The likelihood that a man will NOT be killed when struck by an enemy.

Morale - One of the key points of the total war games. In battle, victory is won not by killing everyone on the field, but by forcing them off the field. Morale is a key factor; if the enemy army loses their will to fight, you win. Morale is affected by many things, such as fatigue, taking hits, getting shot from the rear, getting charged, being hit by exotic/scary weapons, seeing enemy elites on the field, getting your general killed, being outnumbered....etc.

Recruitment Cost - The amount of money required to buy this unit. There's something wrong with the price though..it should be 450, not 1130.

Upkeep Cost - The amount of money required to keep this unit every turn on the main map.

A typical unit consists of 160 men, including an officer, drummer, and flagbearer. They're over there to be cool, although it gets interesting when officers from two units engage in melee. Officers may also pull out a pistol to shoot enemies when they feel like it.

See that red line? It goes out in a cone in front of the unit, showing their zone of fire. Enemies in that zone will be shot at, unless you tell them to stop.

Shit gets smoky fast after a few shots are given off.

At this point I'm waiting to see if any unit of the enemy is wavering in their will to fight.  Otherwise, I'll keep up the shootout. These guys right now are currently reloading.

When your mouse floats over any unit it'll give you their status.

From this box I can glean that the enemy is a unit of militia with 96 men out of the original 160.

They're under missile attack (aka being shot at), are currently shooting, is presumed to be neither winning or losing the shootout.

Their morale is Shaken, meaning they're starting to think of running, their Fatigue level is Fresh.

The main cause of their shaken status is because their friends are running away.

Fatigue is another factor in total war. It's a measure of how tired your units are. Tired units tend to receive stat decreases across the board, and their morale is much lower than if they were Fresh. Tired units also move much slower on the battlefield. Running and getting into hand to hand tires the men out quickly.

Seeing that the enemy is close to breaking point, I charge the weekend soldiers. It's usually inadvisable to go into melee, as it tires out units very quickly and usually causes more casualties to both sides than a shootout. Also note that a charge from behind usually results in a morale shock.

Yeah, they're kinda fucked right now.

After the battle's over you'll be taken back to the campaign map giving a total on casualties for both sides.

If you click the medal icon you'll get a unit-by-unit breakdown on who killed how much. Chevrons denote unit experience; leveling up increases all stats except range. Highly-leveled basic units can also take on elite units further along the game. Units can be replenished back to full strength with green recruits; this can actually cause deleveling over time, so take good care of your units.

Edited September 18, 2010 by skitarii

[IGdood]

Time for a double post....since I am updating yet again....

This is the government tab on the campaign map. it shows how you're doing financially, as well as a sexy picture of your monarch (or President, if you have a republic.) It shows his/her traits and any extras in his/her retinue, and it also shows the state religion as well as your government type.

Currently, I have an absolute monarch. This grants happiness to the nobles in my nation, but it pisses off the lower class and impairs the rate at which I can research technology. After awhile this will prove to be troublesome, but for now I need that militarycost bonus, dammit.

This is the ministers tab; it shows your ministers, and since I'm an absolute monarch, I can fire them at will if I feel there's a better minister for the job. I can also change their positions.

These fellows are responsible for further cost bonuses for training units, and their personalities grow through the game. They may also suck at their jobs and cause things to cost more or even piss off the population, but that's why I'm here to fire them at will.

Well it's not every day someone offers you an alliance.

One of the elite units of the Prussian military, who wants to lay claim over these guys?

I didn't mention this earlier, but Courland actually rebelled and took back their country. Well here we go again.

This is a unit I haven't gone over before: Artillery. Artillery needs to be set up to fire. When deployed, they cannot move, and when undeployed, they cannot fire. There are only 24 men in the unit, so they can be wiped out extremely easy. At first they fire only regular cannonballs, but in the future can be upgraded to fire high explosives, shrapnel, etc. They give an advantage in that theoretically it would be possible to wear down an army if only one side has artillery and the other side is unwilling to close the distance.

KABOOM

Earlier on, I've researched the square formation. Units able to use the square formation gain major defensive bonuses against cavalry when the ability is activated. They can fire around all sides, but for the most part it's used to OHKO cavalry units if they charge you.

Close-up view of the square formation.

Remember I said I downloaded a Pikeman animation fix? Well here it is in action....sorta.

It didn't take long before I beat Courland's ass.

This is one example you really shouldn't pull off in a game. NEVER, EVER, CHARGE with your General's Bodyguard. One: They suck in combat, and they only have 32 men, which is just asking for it. Two: If your general dies, morale drops across the board and you might as well call it quits.

P.S: Can you spot their general? Hint: He's got a wig.

Win.

Austria decides to go after my capital. Fuckers. (I beat them back next turn.)

During that defensive battle, my first artillery shot managed to blow one of their cannons to bits. It doesn't matter how many crewmen you have left, once the cannon's blown, it's gone.

You guys notice a lot of those...uhh...dudes at the bottom of the screen? They're called "Armed Citizenry." They spawn when people are happy and the city is being attacked. They're the shittiest unit in the game, and are great as meatshields since they disappear after the battle's over anyways. Used wisely, they can tie up enemies in melee, or act as cavalry-magnets.

And I lose two cannons. =( Shot by their artillery.

Every country's got their problems. Saxony's probably too busy fighting Hannover.

With the new 1.6 patch the campaign AI has improved somewhat. Needless to say, I rejected a peace offering from these guys.

A peace treaty with Saxony, and a few turns later they've destroyed Hannover. Does that mean they'll get back to beating me to a pulp next?

Some economic technologies finished, I couldn't proceed further down the military tree since I didn't have money to upgrade my buildings. I've been too busy adding to my army and replenishing casualties from the repeated attacks from Russia and Austria. I didn't post many pics of those since they're the same-old.

Another few turns later, and I can finally research one of best military upgrades: Fire-by-Rank.

Whereas most infantry units will only shoot from the front row, fire-by-rank allows units to utilize the front three rows to release an immense 3-volley attack. However, everyone must have reloaded, otherwise nobody will fire. Unfortunately, a 6% increase in upkeep cost will also take effect.

Edited September 4, 2010 by skitarii

[Parrhesia]

One of the elite units of the Prussian military, who wants to lay claim over these guys?

The 389th Whores of War.

And would you please spoiler your pictures? Seriously, it's painful trying to read this as it stands.

[IGdood]

Furetchen: Spoilered. =)

Also, reservation input, you'll have your Whores when I train them.

[Parrhesia]

Also, reservation input, you'll have your Whores when I train them.

PRUSSIA FUCK YEAH

[Integrity]

I still want my Pandours dammit.

Also, if you said Generals are weak at combat you never played Maratha like I always seem to. Their generals are on ELEPHANTS ffs.

[IGdood]

True, the Marathas and the Mughals are an exception.....-shudders-

You'll get your Pandours soon dammit! Brought to you by the Whores of War!

[Integrity]

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

[IGdood]

Woohoo, a Campaign update and a Battle Update, woohoo!

By Furetchen's request and strategical necessity....I've finally gathered enough gold to recruit more units AFTER a few rebellions were put down and the provinces have been stabilized (mostly). It's time to turn Prussia's attention outside of her borders; 1500 gold per turn is barely enough to upgrade buildings, let alone replenish the losses from repeated Austrian and Russian attacks. It's time to take it to the enemy!

And so it is decreed, with my blessing this one-and-only unit of the Death's Head Hussars shall be named "398th Whores of War." Let's hope they perform admirably, and that I don't do anything stupid given that cavalry is not my strong point. They do have very high defense for light cavalry.

Tutorial time! In Empire Total War, cavalry isn't as strong as the knights and armored horsemen in previous total war games. It's the gunpowder age, and muskets can easily destroy cavalry in a few volleys. Bayonets don't make it easy either. Cavalry are divided into 4 types:

Light Cavalry - Light cavalry are fast, and they're not really meant for straight-up charging the enemy. Their job is to get to places fast, riding down skirmishers/snipers/artillery crews. They'll be destroyed if you charge them into most prepared infantry battalions and other cavalry.

Medium Cavalry - Medium cavalry are a jack-of-all trades. They're not fast like light cavalry although they can still get skirmishers; they can charge in a pinch against a wavering enemy to rout them off the battlefield; they can also intercept light cavalry who are trying to go after your skirmishers. Dragoons are a unique sort of medium cavalry, as they are more numerous than other cavalry units and they can also dismount to become small infantry units. Light dragoons are even better, they can fire carbines from horseback!

Heavy Cavalry - Heavy cavalry are slow for cavalry, and they tire very easily. What redeems them is that they have an extremely powerful charge, delivering a killing blow and able to hold up in a melee provided they have infantry support.

Lancers - Lancers have pitiful melee stats. However, they usually have 27+ charge bonus, so they end up killing in a charge, but if not moved away from combat they will be slaughtered in return.

So let's take a look at the hussars here. They're light cavalry, so that already makes them very fast. Their stats across the board are almost equivalent to medium-heavy cavalry. They're also pretty damn expensive and limited to one unit.

Austria's got something else to occupy them now, I suppose?

Breslau, Silesia is my next target. Notice that I've gathered an army in the farm area inside the green ring. Also note that there's a star on the unit card of the Whores of War. This signifies that in battle, the leading colonel/brigadier/commander will be attached to that unit. That really sucks, which means that I can't risk committing this powerful cavalry unit.

I really should upgrade my cannon buildings. I'm not bothering with the navy, as I have no need of one yet. Fire By Rank is almost there! <333

Yippeee!!!

I hate being put on the losing side by the computer; but now's the time for the debut battle of the 398th Whores of War! Fucking Austrians have 2 units of Marines and 1 unit of Pandours. Still, this battle shouldn't be too bad. What's worse is that it's going to be a siege battle. I'll explain later.

Bah, I wasn't expecting a surrender anyways.

Hello, Whores.

It's great to defend in a siege battle. it sucks to be the attacker. Shitty pathfinding in the game dictates that your units will never open fire. Then again, it'll be useless to shoot upwards anyways, you're not gonna hit anyone. it's gonna be a heavy melee battle. I'm not sure to what use I can put the Whores and the Pikemen here, since they can't scale walls. Maybe if I can get the gates open....

Here's something I forgot to go through in a battle. Every unit has some sort of ability, here we can see that the Whores have 3. I'll explain them.

Can Hide in Woodland - Means they are able to hide in a forest.

Paths Seldom Trod - Means this unit can hide better than most.

Good Stamina - One of the more useful abilities; it means that compared to other units, they can run/fight for much longer without getting fatigued. Recall that I said fatigue leads to slower movements and stat decreases.

So, my tactics today shall be thus: I've split up my forces into a major bait force with the Whores backing them up and a small force of lower-quality militia to attack the walls from behind. The bait force will perform a classic storm-the-fucking-wall routine and try not to die. The second force will hopefully scale the walls from behind and make a mad dash for the center of the fort. Siege battles are won either when you rout the enemy (very hard to do) or when you capture the plaza in the middle, which is equivalent to eliminating enemies in the plaza and holding it for 2 minutes.

Also note that they've got artillery on the walls and an artillery unit on the field. This could be problematic in the advance.

I use the Whores to destroy that artillery on the field before it causes extreme casualties with a Canister shot (like a giant shotgun of death). They just fired and I hope I've timed the charge right so it connects before they can fire again.

I lose 7 Whores from some cannon on the walls. The Austrians are falling for the bait, but they've got a few cavalry units roaming around outside of the walls.

And so the Whores' first victim flees the field, having lost almost all of their crew in the initial charge.

Some dumbass Austrian Gendarmie (militia cavalry, useless fuckers) attempt to harry my line infantry; a square formation quickly OHKOs them.

Ooooooh pikemen, pikemen, whatever shall I do with you?

A lone cavalry unit attempts to intercept my rear-attack force. They fail horribly.

Most infantry become instant ninjas upon reaching a wall; they'll throw ropes attached to hooks and attempt to climb it.

Looks like the pikemen WILL be useful after all.

Aha! I found their Pandours. Pandours are light infantry, decent at long-range shooting, but absolutely will be slaughtered in a melee. I should just call them gnomes.

Woops, I watched the walls for too long and forgot to tell my pikemen not to charge into the fort. Now they're being charged by a unit of Austrian Line Infantry.

Militia-Rear-Attack force has finally reached the walls. Bait-force is suffering heavy losses.

I'm laughing at the guy being bayonetted here.

Bait-force has been driven off a section of the wall, and those BAMF-ing Austrian Marines are climbing DOWN from the walls to have a go at my forces. Notice that they've only lost a mere 16 men while I've lost about 150 already.

Since the artillery on the walls is not firing anymore, i park the Whores in front of the wall so their presence can inspire the men. Well....the commander's presence, anyhoo. Also note that some of my line infantry are firing on the marines. Hopefully they'll use Fire by Rank at point blank range for TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE DAMAGE.

I'm actually surprised the pikemen are doing THIS well.

FIRE BY RANK! GODAMMIT FIRE YOUR MUSKETS! How do I know? There's 3 rows of smoke. I just hope they're not shooting themselves in the back.

Rear-attack-militia force have made it to the plaza, and are attempting to clear it out.

Bait-force is starting to waver and flee. Their heroic sacrifices will be remembered until photobucket says so.

In an act of desperation and risk I charge the Whores through the gates to cut down all opposition.

I order the militia to go for broke and charge the plaza. It's time to end this battle!

Except the charge was so good some guys ran past the enemies in the plaza and straight into the rear of the Austrians defending the gate.

SAVE THE WHORES, I SAY!

I just noticed that the Austrians don't even have bayonets. Epic fail.

Before the marines come down I order a unit of militia to garrison a building and give covering fire for the plaza-takers before the marines could charge down. Garrisoning buildings gives your unit shelter from bullets, but they can be ousted in a melee or even worse, completely destroyed if the building is destroyed by cannon. I've got 1:29 minutes left.

There's the commander of the Whores and the current battle. Look at how heroic he is!

Looks like even the marines got shot down to size.

And there ends the battle. The last few fleeing soldiers are cut down by the 398th Whores.

VICTORY!!!

Ugh, kill ratio wasn't so good. Well, at least nobody was eliminated outright.

Level ups across the roster; probably will level down after replenishment. I should reinforce this territory soon.

WOOHOO!

Not my business.

And so ends the update for now. If I'm in a good mood I'll play some more tonight.

[Integrity]

I like Pandours for two reasons:

First, irregulars/light infantry are awesome.

Second, they have silly hats.

One of those is showcased in the update.

[IGdood]

Here, we got another update. Probably too big an update, I hope this post doesn't screw up.

Another one bites the dust.

Gonna upgrade those farms again, provided Russian raids don't fuck me up.

Poland-Lithuania finally attempts to retake their lands.

So it's gonna be a defensive siege battle. Should be extremely easy, given the fucktarded AI and poor pathfinding.

One feature of defensive battles: Armies that haven't moved on the campaign map for 2 turns or more gain the ability to deploy defensive fortifications. In the case of artillery, they can deploy these sandbags. It protects them from enemy fire, but they cannot rotate/move.

I'm surprised that my soldiers are using the cannons. Sometimes they don't; stupid pathfinding AI.

I've no idea what the Polish are thinking, but whatever, I'm staying on the walls.

Sometimes your soldiers will take potshots. It's nice to watch them drop below.

Firing upwards is useless, as out of 10 volleys or so you might lose only 10 men. Melee's the way to go when it comes to storming the walls, or you can just bombard the shit out of the place if you can.

In case the gates open up for some reason/glitch, I've got canister pointing at the door and pikemen on the side.

After about 40 minutes of being shot to death and losing about 70% of their forces the AI finally decides to scale the walls. Too late, they're mostly dead and wavering in morale.

I had to LOL at this pic. Just...just look at it!

A victory. The kill ratio is just ridiculous.

Sweets! Did you know? Bayonets give a +3 to melee attack and a +5 to charge bonus?

Portugal joins the dead.

You're fucking next, Prague.

Time for some cold steel, Austrians.

I'm not particularly good at going offense, but it doesn't really matter since it's another siege battle. I'm gonna try my old tactic, the bait-and-switch. Gonna send up my best guys to tie up the wall defenders, and send the militia from the back. Melee units will wait around in a safe spot before charging through the gates when I have them.

Seems like they've got more defenders on the wall than last time. But I've got more units on the field.

I move my troops up. The Whores have taken two losses, probably from a cannon.

This is THE fire-by-rank drill. I routed some artillery that shot at my troops.

You know, I would like to be the guy down there. The first few guys to scale the wall usually die a horrible death.

Once again, the AI takes the bait and decides to bumrush my assault force. The militia decide to bumrush the rear.

And they've got Swiss Pikemen at the gates. Well there's 3 gates.

And even worse than last time, it has been barely 5 minutes and two of my line infantry units are running for their lives.

DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE

This one's for the WHORE!

Sometimes, archaic weapons can work wonders.

The fearless Hussars (yes, calling them Whores of the 398th can be a little awkward.) Those Austrian line infantry are actually routing, so it's more of a mop-up for free experience points.

Just...just look at it....

Prague's mine, bitch!

LOL, that one unit was down to 1 lucky survivor. Holy shit, I should give him 400 gold.

I gotta take Vienna soon, or else Integrity will decapitate me for failing to recruit some gnomes Pandours.

Edited September 5, 2010 by skitarii

[Parrhesia]

God to see my Whores are pulling their weight~

[IGdood]

God to see my Whores are pulling their weight~

You are very funny. Whores are steamrolling the battlefield!

Random retinue additions to my generals and ministers.

They're not carrying muskets, they have pikes Who wants to lay claim over these guys?

I try my hand at assassination in Empire Total War.

Dammit.

I somehow make Bavaria accept a trade agreement with me.

Now what are these guys doing here? I guess I can't go for Vienna just yet.

Eh, I'll give them a good thrashing.

Since I outnumber them by a fair margin, it wasn't that hard to surround them.

I really, really hate those irregulars/light infantry who outrange my line infantry units. This is where light cavalry in the form of the 398th kicks in. They can really run those little fuckers down.

Just look at those sabers.

They're already fleeing! Ha! Death's Head is after them, indeed.

I let the Whores rampage across the battlefield, charging stragglers and diminished units. It's really funny.

The kill ratio of the 398th seems to be the best in the game so far.

Without a moment to waste, I go after Vienna. I must have my coneheads, and then I realize that I'll be outnumbered by enemy elites if I attack. I decide to be a smartass and besiege them.

If you're patient you can wait 4-5 turns to starve out an enemy. During this time your army can't move, but the defender can sally out of the city to attack you.

I end turn and wonder what Austria will do. They decide to attack me without reinforcements. I notice that half of their army is made up of elites. That's not good news. The red-coated units are Swiss Line Infantry, which are like elite Line Infantry. The tall-capped guys are grenadiers, and grenadiers are like elite shock melee troops with decent shooting skill. They're only in groups of 80 rather than the usual 160, but still very, very dangerous nonetheless.

I make basic deployment formations, and put the militia in the forest to hide.

Immediately a cannonball scores 8 kills against the 398th. (I didn't get a chance to replenish them to 60 men) I quickly order them to gallop out of there, lest they all die.

I then order a unit of line infantry to act as horsebait by moving ahead of my force and forming a square. I was betting that they'll OHKO the roaming hussars before the grenadiers and other infantry catch up.

The hussars charge them, but for some reason they're not dying so quickly. It's time to go to plan B.

I start ordering the other infantry to rescue the bait. If I can't disorganize them, then I'll just do things the old-fashioned way: pound them into submission.

I've already assumed the square-bait's lost, so I order a unit to fire into the melee. Hopefully friendly fire won't be too bad.

Once again, a few irregulars are wandering around trying to snipe my main battle line. Time for some light cavalry clean up.

I wish I could've taken a better screenshot, but some of the poor skirmishers were sent flying by that charge.

The 398th continue their rampage in the enemy's rear, while their front line is crumbling to fire by rank.

1:3 kill ratio. Not too bad.

More numbers for all you statisticians out there.

Now my armies can march EVEN FASTA

In other words, Vienna's mine. And Austria's broken. Sorta.

As soon as I repair those facilities I can recruit myself some Pandours. Sweeeet.

Trait gains for my general...

I decide that it's time to crush Poland and maybe screw Russia up once and for all. Here's a ceasefire with Austria. I got the Pandour-capability anyways.

Throw in a trade agreement. And you gotta wash? Well I got some listerine, or you can eat lead.

Edited September 7, 2010 by skitarii

[Parrhesia]

Just throwing this out there; Sir Samuel Vimes' First of Foot.

Integrity, the Pandours are yours.

[Parrhesia]

Incidentally, nice work conquering everything in sight.

[IGdood]

Just throwing this out there; Sir Samuel Vimes' First of Foot.

Integrity, the Pandours are yours.

Thanks for the compliment on your other post.

By the way, the Samuel Vimes'....is the name for anything you want in particular? Since they're foot, I know they're gonna be infantry.

How about these guys? Would they be suitable? They're actually colored red though. If they're not your choice, there's still much to recruit when I get around to India, Africa, and the Americas. There's just so much more to do.....

[Parrhesia]

Thanks for the compliment on your other post.

By the way, the Samuel Vimes'....is the name for anything you want in particular? Since they're foot, I know they're gonna be infantry.

How about these guys? Would they be suitable? They're actually colored red though. If they're not your choice, there's still much to recruit when I get around to India, Africa, and the Americas. There's just so much more to do.....

They'd be fine~ Just want to get a Discworld reference in there somewhere. (Next will be back on form)

[Integrity]

the First Integritous Profiteers.

EDIT: First because, being Pandours, they're very likely to all die to a sudden cavalry strike or mortar shot and the number can increment.

Edited September 5, 2010 by Integrity

[IGdood]

Another update, after this I might take a break from the game for a few weeks or so.

The general leading the Whores and all those generic line infantry seems to be doing quite well for himself. Funny how sometimes he gets traits which should only be obtained from personally sending him into battle, although I never, ever, ever commit my general to a melee unless shit's about to go down.

I think Austria's had enough. It's time to move onto Poland and Russia.

I also force them to swallow a trade agreement.

Oh hai thar Otto.

At this rate of research + my absolute monarchy, the lower classes just might revolt. I might have to piss the nobles off to get a constitutional monarchy someday soon.

Vienna's not very happy with me. That can be a good thing, since I can grind the rebels for experience.

Here we go...

SUDDENLY POLAND. An earlier fight against Russia has left my forces weakened, and now this.

I thought the AI was going to be retarded like last time. I was wrong.

They blew off a corner of the walls, which took out about 40 good men. Shit.

Those enemies at the walls are elite guards with a unit of line infantry. While they're busy waiting to climb I rush my pikemen out to cause some casualties and hopefully do a rear-attack morale shock.

And the resulting clusterfuck.

I thought the clusterfuck couldn't get any worse. I was wrong.

Seems like their cavalry are starting to make a beeline for the walls. I wonder why. -foreshadow-

Well the slugfest is over.

wtf?

Ah, shit.

INTO THE BREACH!!!

In a dire attempt to repel those cavalry I charge my general into the fray!

And the exhausted pikemen.

I win.

Oh hai, replacements of the Mughal Empire.

Well he wasn't that good anyways. My monarch's dead.

Okay, we should bet which nation will be destroyed next.

Well let's take a look at this...Friedrich II.

Age 64. No traits. I'm betting that he's a transitional monarch. There's gotta be someone better.

Random technology obtained. More farms = more food = more money in the long term. I'm getting 4k per turn now as opposed to a shitty 2k.

Integrity will be proud.

And so, by my royal decree, this unit of Pandours shall be known as the First Integritous Profiteers. Let us hope they won't be steamrolled by cavalry or shot by canisters.

Explaining some abilities:

Can Skirmish: Skirmishers aren't meant for hand to hand combat. At first sign of an approaching enemy, skirmishers will fall back if this ability is enabled in the battle. Theoretically it's supposed to prevent you from having to babysit your light infantry, but the unit AI is retarded and sometimes they run in the wrong direction.

Remains hidden whilst walking: One of the more useful abilities, although the AI merely "pretends" it doesn't know your troops are hidden. These guys will stay cloaked as long as they are WALKING, not running, through scrub, woods, tall grass, etc. They also look cool while doing it.

Their stats are subpar, to be honest, but they're light infantry. I was wondering if they'd get better reloading skill, but a mere 5? Their melee stats are also horrible, but their charge bonus is surprisingly high. This is all moot since with a 90 range, they're made for hit-and run. Not to mention, they have 20 ammo, while most units have only 15, or if they're militia, a mere 5.