Let's Play: Empire Total War! - Knights of St. John run

[IGdood]

I will update this thread, for now here's the victory screen from above.

I WEEN. By the way, look at the fucking amount of kills the Roundhouse Boys got.

Notice: Empire Total War keeps crashing on this one battle. If it keeps crashing I'll post screenies of the carnage but in reality I'll autoresolve.

Edited September 11, 2010 by skitarii

[Parrhesia]

Whereas the Crimson Blade and the First of Foot deliver a combined assault. I find that they work very well together, possibly from a A support ranking? Ha. Someone tell me their affinities. Water and ???

For Vimes? I'd say Thunder. Maybe Anima.

Good work taking out those random pirates~

Also...Benito Taylor? Nice name for a pirate. And 471 kills is almost as lulzworthy as the ten remaining pirates who are merely 'Concerned' about the thunderous death that awaits them.

Edited September 12, 2010 by Furetchen

[IGdood]

For Vimes? I'd say Thunder. Maybe Anima.

Good work taking out those random pirates~

Also...Benito Taylor? Nice name for a pirate. And 471 kills is almost as lulzworthy as the ten remaining pirates who are merely 'Concerned' about the thunderous death that awaits them.

Yeah, I guess that would work. Not sure how morale works into FE, but they keep each other inspired. Their stats are pretty much equal too.

The game has some pretty nice names, although some of the British ones are actually names of staff members. The 471 kills is really good, although after looking at the kill ratio for the Roundhouse Boys and the other elites I realized its not so good since they took 92 losses. I was surprised the pirates remained on "wavering" morale instead of running away outright.

By the way, Furetchen, you like the hats the Bohemian Bitchslappers are wearing? They also have double-straps on their uniforms, I believe.

Anyways, UPDATE TIME. I played this one fucking battle against the Iroquois about 10 times over over a period of 4 hours. Every time the battle was close to ending the game would crash to desktop. I lowered the graphics settings a bit and that didn't help. I realized that if I didn't look directly at the enemy the game wouldn't crash, so remind me not to fight Native Americans. I still have a few good screenies, though.

Time to meet some new comrades in battle! First up, a unit of Life Guards. Basically they're like the First of Foot and the Crimson Blade, except these guys can utilize the Platoon Firing Drill. I'm not sure why the guy who created the Swiss Guard and Marines didn't give them this ability, but it doesn't make too much of a difference and is gimmicky to use. Fire By Rank is more reliable, although Platoon Firing kills more over time BUT it fails if the unit using it is the one being shot, as it disrupts the firing sequence. I'll give an example of Platoon Firing later on. By the way, they're NOT grenadiers, despite what the hats might tell you. Their reloading skill is also the highest out of all the units in this army.

Swiss Mountain Jaegers. You're thinking, "What? more Swiss?" First thing's first, they're RIFLEmen, so check out that 125 range. Their accuracy is 70, which is HOLYSHITAMAZING. They have decent morale, very shitty melee attack and charge bonus, pretty decent defense for light infantry, and SILENT AIRGUNS. You heard me. They have SILENT AIRGUNS. They can fire and people won't know where the bullets come from. It's SMOKELESS.

Now that we've got a naval base established, lets head on over to the mainland. Spain's my ally, so I have military access to their lands. Military Access is a diplomatic policy. If I have access, it means I can march my armies on their land without needing to declare war. It also means I can approach their most vulnerable cities and backstab them if I get the chance.

Sorry Iroquois. I want that town. I'm gonna take it and then I'll make peace with you, mmkay?

I didn't call my allies to join me in this war.

Siege time. I don't assault them. I'll let them come to me.

Their forces aren't prepared for a foe like me. I outnumber them and am more elite. However, this is the battle that crashed 10 fucking times.

Okay, actual light infantry (not irregulars, like the Profiteers) can deploy what's called a Fougasse. Basically it's like a landmine that explodes shit that explodes more shit to whoever is unlucky enough to step close. The actual bomb is a white box, but the red zone shows where the enemy needs to step on to trigger this trap.

I deploy all the artillery (except for Beck's Shot) in the back. Team Rocket, having near-unlimited range, opens up with a salvo. I order Beck's Shot to equip Shrapnel Rounds and Jake's Load to equip Percussion Shells.

Professional light infantry can also deploy stakes. These work similar to the Chevaux de Fries, as they skewer cavalry who try to charge through it.

I order them to hide behind the stakes.

I took plenty of screenshots to try and capture moments like these. The Iroquois are endlessly bombarded by Beck's Shrapnel. The shell doesn't make contact with the enemy, but rather explodes in midair and sends bullet hell at the enemy.

The Iroquoid waste my Fougasse with a 20-man artillery crew. The thing explodes, revealing white trails which are actually more bombs.

Which then ignites the field...

Percussion shells explode when they hit the enemy. If you get lucky you can eliminate 20 men with one shell, or 40 cavalry since cavalry are easier to hit.

Ha! They can't see the Jaegers! Smokeless!

And they enter the range of the Crimson Blade, who promptly open fire....

Some of them are beginning to rout...

They actually retreated and regrouped. This is their second attempt to charge. All the while, they're taking major losses from my artillery.

This is why the next picture exists.

I had to pause the game just to see this. This is depressing for the Iroquois, but an epic Kodak moment for me.

They're getting a bit too close, so I run the Jaegers back before the infantry behind them open fire. It prevents friendly fire, but they've taken a loss or four from that already.

They're trying to flank me this time.

What the hell happened here? Was it the tree? Did you shoot the fucking tree with a percussion shell?! WTF!

Infantry can maneuver stakes, no problem. Anyways, here's an example of Platoon Firing. The whole unit fires in columns rather than by rows/ranks. As the firing "ripples" down the unit, the previous groups reload. This ensures that someone will be firing the whole time. Experienced units using platoon fire can churn out musket balls like a machine gun.

I like watching those rockets fly, as useless as they may be.

YES! Victory without crashing!

Free experience for the men. I can't believe how many kills Beck's Shot scored. Dude....they'll level up FAST.

MINE! <3

I immediately get to work replacing their buildings with Prussian buildings.

And sign a peace with the Iroquois.

Native Americans have joined our army! -cue FE recruiting theme- Anyways, at this point I'd like to declare that my grand army will be called I.C.BAMFS, otherwise known as International Coalition of BadAssMotherFuckers. Still, there's 2 units of line infantry that can be phased out....don't make recommendations yet, guys. I'm thinking.

Well, with a little colony in America, it's time to sail back to Europe. What shall we do there?

For the time being, I'm going to head off to Russia and kick their asses since they've been sending stack after stack at me.

That'll be all for now. Have fun reading. =) Yes, I know besides Integrity, Cocytus, Furetchen, and Iced, there's a lot of you reading my LP. Thanks for keeping up with me thus far! If I say too many f-bombs please tell me, I'll cut it down.

Edited September 12, 2010 by skitarii

[Parrhesia]

That'll be all for now. Have fun reading. =) Yes, I know besides Integrity, Cocytus, Furetchen, and Iced, there's a lot of you reading my LP. Thanks for keeping up with me thus far! If I say too many f-bombs please tell me, I'll cut it down.

As I wait to get more sugar than 'Posted Image' in the other tab, I'll just say; if you've seen me get really pissed off at someone, you'll know that the LAST thing I object to is profanity~

[Integrity]

As I wait to get more sugar than 'Posted Image' in the other tab, I'll just say; if you've seen me get really pissed off at someone, you'll know that the LAST thing I object to is profanity~

Ditto this.

Yay, it's the Other Kinda Indians!

Incidentally, that was the name I gave them. I wasn't pointing out I didn't want Maratha troops.

>>

[IGdood]

Ooh I see. I named them what you want anyways.

Empire Total War loves to crash now with the ICBAMFS army. I have no idea why. Hm....probably because they're all awesome.

Anyways, Ima take a break from this LP and play myself some Dragon Age: Origins.

Edit: Keeps, fucking, crashing. Is this the end? This can't be!

Edit 2: Reinstalled the game, backed up the save files. Tried playing again. Crashed.

Edit 3: Turned down texture detail from high to medium, turned off a few graphical enhancements. No crashing. FUCKING A.

Edit 4: Crashed on return to campaign map. Turning unit detail from high to medium. FAWK

Edit 5: Proceeds to still crash its ass in battle? Wtf?

Okay.......

Edit 6: UPDATE TIME. (Restarted computer, played before it overheated.)

By royal decree, let these Native Bowmen Auxiliary be known as The Other Kinda Indians. Let their arrows fly true, and strike into the hearts of every enemy they encounter. Or at least, scare them off.

Huh, these light cavalry have better base stats than the Whore's. Should I replace?

I switched out a unit of line infantry for......yes, MOAR light infantry. What makes these guys special is that they are armed with breech-loading rifles, which makes them fire so fast its not funny. Basically without needing to use a ramrod, they just insert a cartridge and pull the trigger.

The ICBAMFs are still at sea, so I decide that I should pay Russia a visit.

Say hello to St. Petersburg, gents. TONIGHT, WE BURN IT TO HELL.

Wow, great way to defend your settlements, Russia. In an insignificant auto-resolve, I didn't take screenies of stats and kills. Seriously, everyone only had like 1 kill and 0 losses. I won't record it in the Excel document, either.

Edited September 14, 2010 by skitarii

[IGdood]

Alright gents, we're here to go to Moscow to drink some Borscht. Thing is, the Russies drank al the Borscht and took some donuts. So, let's kick their asses to kingdom come.

By now you should probably know my deployment methods. I try to distribute an even amount of infantry between both sides. Beck's Shot will hold the center, preferably on flat ground so their cannonballs won't bounce and become useless. Jake's Load can be positioned slightly behind since the Howitzers can arc their shots. Team Rocket can be placed anywhere, but I leave them in the rear since they have infinite range.

Light infantry will be positioned to the flanks, but in front of the guards and line infantry. They might get shot in the back by friendly fire, but such is life. The Swiss Pikes are placed behind Beck's Shot, so they can get into the melee if the cannons get charged. The camel mercenaries can be placed behind a unit of infantry, as their height allows them to shoot over the heads of the men, unless they're on a hill, then it gets complicated. I try to avoid forming a triple firing line of lights, infantry, and camels, since for some reason it ends up with the lights getting shot to bits by the camels (angle aiming problem?) and by the enemy (kneeling can only get you so far).

Since I've got two units of dedicated melee cavalry, each side will have one to screen off the flanks. Last of all, the Other Kinda Indians can be placed behind any infantry, as they can arc their arrows and fire over allied heads.

I form the triple firing line anyways for the Rule of Cool.

Notice that they've got their bows drawn already.

This is from the Russians' point of view. Not a lot has started, yet.

The Russies send some cavalry over to circle behind my lines. Not sure what's gonna happen, but as long as its not a large horse task force I won't be screwed.

So I turn the life guards around.

They're getting pretty close. The artillery's opening fire. They have some Howitzers, which is pretty unnerving.

I send the Swiss Pikes to protect the rockets, just in case.

Yup, 24 pounders. I'd like to intercept them with my cavalry, but then they've got plenty of infantry nearby.

Turns out one of the cavalry units that circled around my rear are Household Guards Cavalry, meaning they're elites. Whatever, they're a threat to my battle line, so I send the Rough Riders to charge them. Initially the enemy lost about 8-10 men from the charge....but then the charge bonus began to wear off, and the Rough RIders found themselves getting cut to size....

So, I send the Prinnies over to even things out a bit. The whole time, I was afraid the game would crash. I have no idea why it started to crash a few days ago; I'm wondering if its because the year is past 1800.

The Pikes lose about 1 man for every 2 Household cavalry killed, which sucks.

Meanwhile, the Russians advance their battle line. Jake's Load bombs the living shit out of them with Percussion Shots.

Get ready....

My worst fears have come. The Russian 24-pounder Howitzers use carcass shot (precursor to Quicklime Shells) to incinerate a portion of the Roundhouse Boys. Not a good way to die. There's no way I'm going to move my battle line, we've got to hold this one out!

Sometimes, the Swiss Jaegers don't fire for some reason, probably a glitch or a bug or something. Anyways, this is during half a volley, and they've already downed 15 fusiliers. That's pretty good.

And they just keep walking closer and closer.....the line infantry open fire.

And the Hookers too, although their whole unit fires. With 90 range, they are quite a force to be reckoned with. Also note the Other Kinda Indians draw their bows and fire.

The Russians are running already, but they're more of them coming in....

There's one things about grenadiers that I haven't showcased yet. Grenades. (Durr.) Grenades are a short ranged ability that can be spammed endlessly. It takes more time to throw one than to shoot off a volley, but the results usually end in utter obliteration of the enemy and their morale. It only works well if the enemy is NOT moving.

Getting ready to throw...

Little balls of death...

Balls have landed.......

KABOOM! Unfortunately, the Russians were running forward and dodged most of the grenades. Still, a few of them were caught in the blast. Now it's time for bayonets.

You're getting Roundhoused!

The Roundhouse Boys continue the melee, while the Amazons add in fire on the side.

The Russians are tempted to shoot Beck's Shot, but the Marines and Profiteers open fire.

The camels too!

The Roundhouse boys have sent the enemy packing. IWho's next?

Meanwhile, the advancing Russians are shot at...

Note the little dots. Those are grenades.

While it doesn't all land in their line, it scares them enough to rout them. Bye bye Russian Marines.

I realize there's still more Russians incoming, so I order the Roundhouse Boys back into the battle line. Looking back, I didn't notice that the Whores had entered combat..... and that the Profiteers were taking heavy casualties. Either I don't use the Pause button enough...or whatever.

I'm wondering what took down the Profiteers. Friendly fire? Fucking Russians?

Or maybe from Russian Marines?

A few volleys from the Russian Marines takes out another group of Profiteers.

Fuck it. I retreat the Profiteers. I also did NOT notice that the Swiss Jaegers had entered melee. I suck at this game.

I take a look at the Breech Loaders. They're opening fire on neighboring targets.

At this point I noticed the Whores had entered close combat. All I saw was a routing Cossack.

A suicide cavalry unit tries to charge the line. They get shot down.

Only the enemy artillery are left. Looking for experience for the Other Kinda Indians, I send them forward while Beck and Jake deliver covering fire.

Except 8 Native Bowmen get killed.

DRAW.....RELEASE!

And the crewmen run.

Numbers! Kill ratios not so good. Overall, still pretty good.

At this point I manage to get a quicksave in. Afterwards the game fucking crashed.

I'm not sure what the problem is...but there's a possibility this LP is dying. My laptop either seems to be failing and overheating, or its post 1800 (year) and ETW is starting to clog up with bugs and glitches.

Edited September 14, 2010 by skitarii

[Parrhesia]

I think that Medieval 2 would be the Perfect Game if it had archers with fancy coats.

Maybe try a short campaign and see if the game continues to crash?

[Integrity]

He did a short campaign; this one ended officially in 1750. Incidentally, I had no idea you could keep playing past the campaign date, let alone past 1800 itself.

Oh, Carcass Shot is the predecessor to Quicklime. Explosive Shells are the predecessor to Percussive.

[IGdood]

I think that Medieval 2 would be the Perfect Game if it had archers with fancy coats.

Maybe try a short campaign and see if the game continues to crash?

I will. If it doesn't crash...well....I'll ask you guys if you want a LP restart.

He did a short campaign; this one ended officially in 1750. Incidentally, I had no idea you could keep playing past the campaign date, let alone past 1800 itself.

Oh, Carcass Shot is the predecessor to Quicklime. Explosive Shells are the predecessor to Percussive.

I could; same with Medieval 2. Some people have their campaigns up to the year 2000 already. However, with ETW the save file either gets corrupted first or it gets so filled with junk the slowing-down is immense.

Edit: Okay, what do you think I should do? Start a new Prussia campaign and cheat my way to get a ICBAMF army by 1720 and steamroll everyone else or what?

Edited September 15, 2010 by skitarii

[IGdood]

Okay guys, I offer you a few choices. Clearly something's fucked up with the Prussian campaign (or my computer is deciding to kill me)

So....

(1) I start a new campaign as one of these factions:

Great Britain - Best line infantry, okay cavalry, more focused on being a naval power instead of being a land power.

Goals - Control trade nodes and take care of the 13 Colonies, lest I piss them off and American Revolution begins much much earlier than historically anticipated.

Unique Units - Light infantry that can hold their own in combat, elite "standard" infantry, cavalry are.....bland but practical.

USA - Starts out weak, but only fights Native Americans for most of the campaign. Average everything; starts out in the year 1783 with primitive technology while everyone else pretty much have everything unlocked.

Goals - Secure the East Coast and kick Britain out; afterwards move on westwards to conquer Native Americans or move overseas for money/adventure.

Unique Units - US Marine Corps, unique "Longriflemen", basically they use rifles without needing to unlock the rifle technology...etc.

Prussia - Starting out as Prussia again, this time I CHEAT so I unlock MOST military technologies in 10 years instead of 100 years so I can rebuild the ICBAMFS.

Goals - Same as before.

Unique Units - You saw. They have lots of different elite guard infantry.

France - Line Infantry are good for melee, but suck at shooting.

Goals - Get on Spain's good side, then crush Great Britain. Afterwards its conquer Europe or move overseas.

Unique Units - I think they've got some awesome cavalry and grenadier units, if I'm not mistaken.

Austria - Line infantry come in 200, but otherwise have the shittiest stats.

Goals - Crush Prussia and surrounding minor nations.

Unique Units - They pretty much share units with Prussia, but overall are sorta inferior and don't have much.

I'm not gonna play as Ottomans and Marathans; yes they look unique but really, I don't like that their units have inferior stats.

(2) Wait until Shogun 2 Total War comes out, and then I'll do a LP on that. Year 2011.

(3) I let this LP die and nobody shall speak of it again.

Edited September 16, 2010 by skitarii

[Fayt Zelpher]

My vote (if you can call it that) goes for the USA campaign, just to see a different aspect of the game. My second choice is the Prussia cheat campaign.

[IGdood]

I edited my earlier post to help with the voting process.

Edited September 16, 2010 by skitarii

[Parrhesia]

Prussia has cheats so I'm against it, despite good reasons for it. I support France, just 'cause. But if you go USA pick a fight with GB early, I say.

Either way, dibs on first infantry unit.

[Integrity]

I say make a colonial powers game. United Provinces, conquer none of Europe.

[IGdood]

So...

Cocytus - USA, Prussia

Furetchen - France, USA

Integrity - UP.....anything colonial.

Hmmm..

Okay, USA it is. I won't be going for Europe. India and North Africa will be prime targets; or I can expand Westward. I can't guarantee how long the LP can last, as I still don't know what is causing the crashes. I'll assume ETW is going buggy on me since I've seen lots of reports of crashing when campaigns go too long.

Edited September 17, 2010 by skitarii

[IGdood]

Holy shit, holy shit. Somehow after turning some settings and fiddling around on the internet for solutions, I managed to NOT get the Prussian campaign to crash (so far).

Okay, the USA playthrough can come after the Prussian one, I guess?

When would you consider the Prussian playthrough to be over? After I beat up Poland and Russia?

[Fayt Zelpher]

I would say after you control Russia and perhaps expand toward a peace with France and Spain, that you've done about all you can.

[Jaybee]

When you conquer the entire motherfucking world.

Beat the crap out of Russia, fiddle with Europe, and you're good.

[IGdood]

TODAY IS A SHORT BATTLE UPDATE

So, I'm currently marching to Moscow with the ICBAMFs...when suddenly a few assholes decide to mount an offense against me. The initiating enemy army only consists of 5 infantry units, although three of them are elite. Their reinforcing armies will consist of a fuckton of cavalry (ha! square formation will solve the problem), 4 pieces of artillery (as long as the stupid AI uses roundshot, I'm safe), and some generic infantry units.

To be a bit honest, elite infantry in this game are little more than glorified line infantry. They still die just as easily, and when it goes down to a shootout of guards vs. guards, its a battle of numbers. Everyone's shooting skill is almost the same. Experience helps slightly, but still, you'll be losing 15-30 good men per volley. In a melee, it might be a different story though. Still, charging when the enemy is opening up with fire-by-rank is a surefire way to get yourself killed.

Also, note that the commander of the army is attached to the Crimson Blade. Should I still commit the Marines to heavy action? Hell yes,

I forgot if I mentioned this, but as usual I deploy my troops into a defensive line. I put light infantry on the flanks to deploy stakes to deter a cavalry charge.. Unlike before, I put the Howitzers closer to the front, but still behind the infantry. That way they can fire earlier, but will still be protected from flying dead horses and enemy musket fire.

The enemy army that initiated the attack decided not to wait for reinforcements. Perhaps they're trying to pull off a suicidal distraction to pin my battle line in place while the reinforcing army will pummel me into submission with cavalry? Still, they might have had a better chance if they decided to wait. Then again, if they did wait, I might as well advance my battle line to crush them.

And the profiteers fire the first shot (i don't count artillery shots) of the battle......at some cavalry.

The cavalry run further down the line, and everyone opens up on them. However, the Swiss Jaegers take heavy casualties. Sometimes they take 0, sometimes they get wiped out by friendly fire. It probably has to do with whether the battle line is positioned on flat terrain or on a slope. I find that if the double battle line is placed on an incline, friendly fire WILL occur. If the terrain is flat, then friendly fire will be minimal. Anyways, this is an acceptable loss. I mean...they're not named units, and well...if the Profiteers were the ones being shot at I'll retreat them.

A closer look at the incline-friendly fire situation.

Meanwhile, the breech loaders on the other side of the line open up. Everything works better on flat terrain. Sometimes you have to zoom in the terrain and angle it from a soldier's eye's view to see if there is a clear shot. Its hard to tell from a bird's eye view if you're on a slight incline that has a possibility of blocking the musket balls of kneeling light infantry.

Am I writing too much? I figure that I should get more tactical with my writing after looking back on previous updates.

Sometimes its pretty hard to pay attention to everything going on the battlefield. I didn't notice these guys were an inch away from charging my left flank (breech loaders' side). Luckily, the stakes did some work. Although...I didn't pay attention to two more cavalry units rushing in.

I order a square formation. Even though the Indian Mercenaries use swords instead of bayonets and have inferior stats compared to Prussian line infantry, a square bonus will still allow them to OHKO most cavalry units. I believe these light Cossacks cavalry to be the vanguard of the reinforcing Russian army, but if they throw all their cavalry at me one by one I can easily defeat them....

The infantry from the first wave is here; when the infantry are this close to the battle line I order Beck's Shot to switch over to Canister Shot. Shrapnel shot might be able to fly far, but its horribly inaccurate. Canister shot is much better at close range. While it might not kill as much as other infantry units, the morale shock of being cut down by 4 huge shotgun-like blasts is very useful. It's even better than a 3-volley fire by rank drill.

Here the Other Kinda Indians are letting off arrow after arrow. Because they don't fight European style they tend to appear in a loose, irregular formation and don't let off volley after volley. They might start off with a volley of arrows, but afterwards everyone goes into a fire-at-will mode like the light infantry.

Notice the Crimson Blade aren't in "ready" mode because I just moved them back a bit. Why did I do this when the enemy's goingn to open up? Well, if the Crimson Blade was a bit too much in front the enemy would be in their range, but out of range of whoever was next to the Crimson Blade and whoever was behind the Crimson Blade (in this case, the Other Kinda Indians). Sure, they might take 20-40 casualties before getting a chance to fire, but it guarantees the enemy will have hell afterwards.

For some reason the enemy doesn't like to shoot at the cannons. They like to shoot at the guys next to the cannons. I always Have the First of Foot and the Crimson Blade close by for some reason. It just seems "right." Red and Blue...heheh...kinda like Forde and Kyle, Kent and Sain, Alan and Lance, Cain and Abel.....okay I'm getting off topic.

Seems like everyone wants to have a piece of the Crimson Blade. Sheesh, I know they're one of the most experienced units in this army (4 chevrons), but this is overkill! Better take out those two groups in front before those guys in the back get here.

Casualties are taken, but with canister shot and a few gold ol' fashioned arrows the enemies run for it. Well not really but at least a few are routing.

I take a look to see how the Bitchslappers are doing. They have close ranged (although useless) rocket support and they've only lost 5. So either every Russian here has a personal bone to pick with the poor Marines or they Company line are lucky. It's gotta be the hats; everyone's envious of those sexy hats.

Meanwhile, on the other end of the left flank. The square formation holds with a few casualties. A small group of infantry tries to get them, but are repelled by musket fire. Squares can fire from all sides, albeit with less effectiveness than if the whole unit was facing one direction. Its great against cavalry swarms, but with multiple squares it can work pretty well on infantry swarms by catching them in crossfires.

Marines are hardcore. They can even rout Guard Grenadiers!

I move up what's left of the Swiss jaegers to intercept and shoot up some remaining line infantry.

Except they take a 3-volley fire by rank to the face. I retreat them back before it gets worse.

Portions of the enemy army are routing, so I move the Whores closer to the edges. That way it'll be much easier for them to go around my battle line and cut the rest down.

I put the camels to use by moving them forward. They've gotta get the guns firing.

I tell them to let a volley off before charging. They get shot at...but oh well.

The battle's just about won right now. I just have to get those pesky artillery crews.

As if in a last ditch effort to cause as many casualties as possible, the Russian artillery switches to Carcass Shot.

The cavalry move around cutting down routers, taking a few casualties as they go...

This band of assholes seems to have regrouped. Well, Broken units have a chance to rally and get their wits together and return to fight. Shattered units will run off the battlefield without a thought.

I move the units who haven't taken many casualties forward. They can mop up the artillery while the cavalry go ahead and chase routers.

A few guard grenadiers have regrouped. I move the bitchslappers forward to be meatshields; The Marines have had enough.

At this point I realized I had ordered the Rough Riders somewhere, but then forgot about them. Fuck my memory.

So, I order them to gtfo while the others go kick some ass.

I try to have some fun with the Roundhouse boys by ordering them to grenade some enemies, but they're already running so the grenades aren't going to do anything. Still, enjoy the explosions.

Did I mention that grenades have unlimited ammo?

The Cairo Infantry Guards are having a shootout with some Russian Tsar Guards. Whoever has the numbers and whoever lets off the first shot will win.

The First of Foot are on the way to rescue them.

It sucks to be he guy in the front row.

And we have a victory.

I thought the Bowmen would've killed more....

Defeated armies might survive and replenish. Anyways, they won't be bothering us anytime soon.

It's winter. And Moscow is under siege. Meanwhile, I'm replenishing my troops.

[IGdood]

And for everyone's listening pleasure, here are some battle tracks from Empire Total War.

These are the Western Battle tracks, played when you fight against European nations.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AmNRLCUpSNg

[IGdood]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRNlGK_k0uM&feature=related

[IGdood]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cqqMWd2fvG0&feature=related

[IGdood]

Small update of sorts. I MUST CRUSH RUSSIA!

While the ICBAMFs are busy deep in Moscow, I take Estonia & Livonia.

Christopher MOTHERFUCKING Roth leads the defense against the Russian sally. HOO-RAH.

So...they're moving out. I think I'll let my units stand guard for now...

Out of boredom I decide to send a the Roundhouse Boys and Indian mercs off to....I don't know.

I thought this pose looked cool.

Since the enemy isn't really doing much, I send the Profiteers forward.

Doh, looks like a few of them are moving out of the walls.

I'm not sure if guys can tell, but I move up the Swiss Jaegers to support the Profiteers.

Furetchen, don't you agree cross-straps look more badass on the Bitchslappers? Pretty uniforms, indeed.

I didn't feel like shooting these fellows since Fire-By-Rank has too long of an aiming time. It's actually better to just charge them. In Empire Total War, knowing when to shoot and when to charge can become crucial at points. Right now I'll take a few casualties as I charge but then these Armed Citizenry fellows are going to get wiped.

The Profiteers snipe some cavalry with Howitzer support.....although this is actually a danger-close situation. Howitzer shells can actually deviate quite some distance from their intended targets; I had faith that Jake's Load wouldn't shoot the hell out of the Profiteers.

I send out the Swiss Prinnies to kill some doods; I mean..they won't die that easily right?

Meanwhile the Roundhouse Boys climb walls. It wasn't until this point that I noticed that there's no plaza. This was a Sally Battle, not a Siege Assault; of course there's no fucking plaza to capture. Damn. I wasted a few Roundhouse Boys for nothing!

Swiss Pikes continue flooring the field....

Except either I charged the wrong enemy but they're taking casualties. Then I noticed they're fighting Tsar Guards. Fuck. And being shot at from all directions from craploads of Armed Citizenry.

Look at all those potential experience points for the Profiteers.

So I guess the Russian sally got totally disordered thanks to all the guys out there causing trouble. But the First of Foot are here to clean up the remnants.

Obligatory shot of Breech Loaders shooting. I should stop taking screenshots of them.

Here's a better view of what's going on. Swiss Pikes are in the thick of it. Everyone else is....I don't know, trying to mount an assault?

Seems like the Swiss Pikes are doing well.....but.....they're very tired...

I noticed a small unit of Grenadiers open fire on them. Their numbers drop QUICK.

So I use whatever's left of the pikes to be good meatshields while the Profiteers open fire.

Except the Prinnies rout. Oh no.

I don't retreat the Profiteers. I'm confident they can finish off the rest of those Grenadiers.

I mean, come on, there's 25 grenadiers to 80 Profiteers. They whittle the guys down to 18 in a few seconds.

They kicked ass, so I move them ahead to beat up whoever's next. However, they're pretty tired..... I'm guessing its Cold Fatigue. Sometimes in hot or cold weather, units will get tired even if they're not doing anything. Staying in Light Infantry Behavior also reduces the rate at which your units recover from fatigue.

"WHERE THE FUCK IS THE PLAZA?!" - Surprised Roundhouse Boy.

And a victory. I am ashamed at this kill ratio.

Sometime later, Moscow falls to the siege. Yay.

And yet another few turns later this happens. Well the ICBAMFS are gonna move on ahead out of Moscow. I'll let the other forces in the region deal with these assholes.

Hm, they spawned two rebel armies this time...

I'm taking Kiev next.

STAY TUNED

[IGdood]

If anyone's wondering why there hasn't been an update in awhile it's because school has started for me and I'm a little busy. (understatement)

Hmm, I'm wondering if I should actually refer to the officers in the First of Foot, Crimson Blade, and the Profiteers as Furetchen, Cocytus, and Integrity, respectively.