Demon Guest House

[Aleph]

That wasn't criticism that was Nightmare being an ass

[Nightmare]

Criticism = being an ass

BASICALLY

[Aleph]

What I would post:

"You took us to Zephyr/Rahab without even explaining how we got there, yet you went through the trouble of detailing how we get to the clock tower and to Paranoia?"

or perhaps

"I enjoy the presentation and the bits of humour thrown in"

What you posted:

"I'm a jackass with nothing constructive to say"

You can't tell me you don't see the difference.

~ Phase 12 ~

Time to pitch woo (no one says that)

You start to Hassel the maid's hoff with your charm and good looks.

She looks up from her work and curtsies politely while you grin at her from your cool guy pose on the table.

「ようこそ」

She greets you in turn with an adorable bowing gesture.

「始めまして」

She's certainly very kind. Better sweep her off her feet. No immature crap, mister.

You chat for a while, probably about the stormy weather outside considering how put off she appears.

You seem to have become quite irritating to her in a very short time, and she loses her shit and performs a superb spinning kick.

You get the shit kicked out of you.

Road House.

She starts kicking you around the room, coercing you to cower under a table in fear.

What the hell did you say to her?!

You must not be very good with the ladies (achievement unlocked).

You finally duck one of her kicks, gaining a break from taking a beating long enough to have a shot at the door.

Unfortunately, because you paused to look up her skirt as her leg soared over your head, you didn't quite make it in time.

You exit the room via another flying kick.

Your nose is bleeding as well.

Whether it's from the injuries or from how hot this maid is you're not sure.

← Take out aggression on Trix Rabbit ~ Exeunt →

↓

Edited February 26, 2014 by Izayoi

[Acacia Sgt]

Soma could only get more screwed if Mina ever finds out of his little encounter with the maid.

Personally I've not seen much of Soma's games, but I like following this, abridged or not. It adds life to otherwise just event-less exploring around and fighting the enemies inside.

I'd say to go Back to the Future! Where Soma is going, he doesn't need roads! Besides, what did the Trix Rabbit ever did to him? Try to steal his cereal?

Edited March 1, 2013 by Acacia Sgt

[Patricius Patrician]

You must go back...TO THE FUTURE!

[Karasz]

It's Back to the Future for Soma! Let's go kill some Valkyries and Kyoma Demons (is what I assume that route will have us doing).

[Aleph]

This phase is extremely long, so it will be posted in 2 parts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~ Phase 13 ~



You abuse your new ability to exceed 88 miles per hour and become trapped in another tiny room with a large mirror.

This game is really redundant, huh? There's even another mirror demon mimicking your reflection again.

Wait, you idiot, you came out of the wrong side of the mirror!



Much better. You hop out the other side and kill the Ghouls waiting for you.



You defeat a Skelerang nearby, but to your chagrin the enemy that greets you next is resistant to your attacks.

If only there were some way to target the enemy's weakness and vaporize it instantly.

How cool would that be? I mean, surely there's not an ability that powerful, but what if...?



Anyway, you don't have an ability like that...as far as you know.
You fail to defeat this especially defensive enemy blocking your path and have to avoid him instead.
With difficulty, because the Larvae you skipped are swirling around above and getting in your way.
Should have vaporized them.



At the bottom of the spire a Bone Ark awaits you, but it's also resilient enough to not be worth your time.



As are the dog trainer and his pet in the next room.



You reach a room with a strange device in it, but you're too scared of it to mess with it right now.



After going the other way, you run into your old friend Julius Caesar Belmont.



It seems he was fighting with a man named Dario Bossi.
He certainly seems rather bossy, indeed.



Julius comments that his exhaustion resulted from not having the power of Magic Seals.



You're understandably confused and aroused surprised.

How could he make it this far if he has no way to prevent the monsters from regenerating?



Oh.
Because he's a bad ass.

~ Ante Eum Omnia Vanitas ~



Your shame and embarrassment are without bound.



You leap by him and press forth in an effort to better yourself before your shame overwhelms you.



First you take a break near another glowing statue.
Who builds all of these things?
They're the real heroes.
No one ever celebrates the save room builders!
What about the people who stuff food in the walls?
The Belmonts certainly aren't winning their battles alone.
Except maybe Julius. He seems like he can handle himself.



Wow there's way too many enemies in this room.



You're glad you took the low route through it, because it was hairy enough already.



Whew! You take the door out of that zoo.



...into a room with a bunch of bats.



They turn into one big giant bat and now you're pretty much doomed aren't you



Better get to work.



After giving the bat hell, it disperses and begins to take on another form.

You do a cute hop off of its...head? Er...

Well, you're behind it now, so you have some breathing room.



Actually no you don't
You're forced to jump over the bat...hand...as it quickly pins you in the corner.



It shoots rings all over the room while in a strange face like shape, switching its form whenever is least convenient for you.



The bat's...er, bats' offensive is futile, however, and you manage to fire through the rings and end the fight.



How convenient! You can turn into a bat and fly around now.
You can also kick more ass after that work out.



You nab the healing orb and defeat a Skull Archer waiting for you outside of that hall full of enemies.
Your second trip through the hall was too gruesome to share. Sorry.



After looking around a bit you identify another puzzle that needs solving.
Unfortunately, you can't figure out how to break the damn ice.



Ready to leave finally, you go a bit further only to find that your path is blocked.
Odd, that rabbit etched in the pillar looks familiar.
It has a clock above it too...you could swear you've seen these things together before.
You can't quite remember where, so you put it at the back of your mind and head the other way.



A couple of waiters stand in your way and throw curry at you when you approach.
They're not gonna get a good tip.



You open the path to the Subterranean Hell you've entered and move forward.

Edited March 1, 2014 by Izayoi

[Kriemhild]

No choices this time?

[Aleph]

This phase is extremely long, so it will be posted in 2 parts.

Part 2 comes after I've given people enough time to see part 1 with part 1's music playing. Vampire Killer is the better music of the 2 parts so I can't just skip it.

Edited March 3, 2013 by Solais

[Esau of Isaac]

I always thought it was bullshit that Julius was just like "Aw, nah, I didn't need a seal, just super killed them."

Like, what am I, chopped liver or some shit?

[Aleph]

Julius is the Belmont that perma-killed Dracula.

I think it makes more sense that he would be that bad ass than if he wasn't.

[Aleph]

This place is a bit damp and chilly.
It's home to Frozen Shades, one of which you shatter.



An old lady's head pops out of the water in the next room and startles you.
Your speed and grace allow you to pounce off of her head and through the Merman behind her.
You're careful to avoid the Killer Fish lurking in the water below.
Perhaps it would be easier if you could simply kill them, but they just don't die as quickly as you'd like.



A spiky trap awaits beyond, but you dismantle it before it becomes an issue and exit unimpeded.



An almost brick wall of fish skulls stands in your way, and you're starting to wonder how much longer you can hold your breath.
It sure would be convenient if you could obliterate these things quickly, but you're stuck with the slow method of whacking them repeatedly.



Before you can finish suffocating you're forced to deal with a rolling starfish, which you're happy to learn is susceptible to being slashed a bunch.



Apparently all that time with limited oxygen affected your judgment, because you open an obviously fake treasure chest upon surfacing.
You are promptly eaten by a grue.
Attacked by a mimic. I meant mimic.



Finally! The door to get out of this place! You excitedly open it, and...



What the hell, Rehab? Didn't we own you earlier? Why are you still here?!
It seems you can't simply ignore him. He's locked the door and eaten the key.
Actually there probably wasn't ever a key; you're just stuck in here with this insufferable...
I mean, uh, hey, Rehab. How was your day? I hope it went well my good friend.



It certainly didn't. Rehab fails to escape your vehement tendencies.
Eh? Rehab's fine? I just saw him get...that's not Rehab?
You told me that earlier too?
Who's this guy then?



Seafood, I guess.



You eat your fill of the fish for sustenance.
SUSTENANCE.
Somehow, even underwater, the blood drips from your mouth hauntingly.
You look vicious.
And a little blue; maybe you should go up for some air.



You're beginning to worry that this place has no end when you meet a pirate in the next room.
Maybe some other time, pirate. We're tired and want to go to bed.



You're finally out of that Subterranean...Hell.
Excitedly, you run ahead an-



Okay, no, that would have been a terrible idea.
You're not stupid anymore (maybe).
You jump over the obvious trap that was in front of you instead of being skewered by it.



Hey, isn't this one of those damn bulls that petrified you earlier?
You exact revenge on it and take out the Barbariccia flying around nearby.
Another one in the background reprimands you for attacking a random Catoblepas that had nothing to do with you being petrified earlier.
It comments that you probably think they all look alike and insinuates that you're racist.
Specist? There's probably not a word for that.



...What the hell is this thing? It's sooo uuuugly.



And in soooo many pieeeces.



Damn. You can't get a break, can you?
All that work just to reach a dead end.
Wait, there's a hole in this wall!
Maybe you can...
Nope, your fat ass can't fit through the hole.
Oddly, there's a puppet lying near the wall that's just the right size to fit.
You wish you could turn into that puppet for a bit and get out of here.
Or at least trade places with it, since it's on the other side.
Nah, that's silly. Whoever heard of a spell to swap places with a puppet?



Wait, duh. You can turn into a tiny bat now.
You simply fly through the hole and over the trap beyond.



Opting to avoid fighting the oversized pig before the basement's exit, you reach Frankenstein's monster at the base of the Dark Chapel.
Despite its size it proves to be easy to defeat.



The area is filled with pesky flying enemies, but you can handle them.
Hey, aren't these the dancers from the Demon Guest House?
You'd love to be back there about now.



Another one of those weird devices.

You consider for a moment that it may be a transport device.
Perhaps your wish can be granted, so you try it out.



OH GOD THE PAIN

You knew this was a bad idea.
You had a bad feeling about these things and you got in one anyway.
You're so STUPID.
Oh well. Now that you're about to be electrocuted to death, soon you'll be too dead to care.



Oh

That wasn't so bad.

What was the point, though? Is this some kind of amusement park ride?
Designed to make you think you're dying only to deposit you from whence you came unharmed, albeit a bit shaken?



Maybe not. You're back in the village near the Demon Guest House.



You make your way to a healing statue you'd found here earlier.



It's time for a break. You really wore yourself out, there.

Just kidding, time to decide where to go next.
You comment that you wish someone would "Just shoot [you] now" upon seeing that your adventure has no pause button.
Well actually it does but you're forbidden to use it

← Warp somewhere else ~ Stroll Through Lost Village →

[No mirrors are nearby]

↓

Edited February 26, 2014 by Izayoi

[Aleph]

so this is dead now or what

[Komeiji Koishi]

Look for treasure in the village.

[Aleph]

~ Phase 14 ~

That Spin Devil guarding the way looks troublesome.



Okay maybe not



You barely make it across the gap in your path by using your ability to invert the direction of your momentum in mid air.

For some inexplicable reason you only have the energy to do this once before plummeting to the ground.

You've come to nickname the manoeuvre the "Double Jump" because you think it sounds edgy and cool.
You wonder how some mook who doesn't have your skill and ability would have made it across...



A slow girl in the next room lurches toward you.
Without any compassion you shred her into...smoke or something, I don't even know anymore.

What are you, some kind of cold-hearted gene purist?



The hallway beyond is somewhat long and tedious to traverse, so you speed up the process by boosting off of candles.
I'm really not sure what to tell you.
Candles just work that way in this universe.



Oh look, a harmless open doorway. You go through it without hesitation.



Immediately after you do, someone sneaks up behind you and tries to drown you by closing the door and filling the next room with water.
You really need to be more careful.
Assuming you survive.



You're totally drowning and gonna die.
Better make the most of it while you're down here.



Oh, look! Some treasure you have no business acquiring since you're doomed.
You grab it anyway and gain some useless extra defense for your last moments.



Yep, this door is blocked too.
You're definitely screwed.



Ah, fresh air. You surface just before the drowning jingle ends.
If you'd found some air bubbles down there maybe you could have explored longer.



The hell? What is Yoko doing here?
Making you escort her lazy ass around. She really isn't very reliable.



You do it anyway because you are a sucker for pretty girls.
Right? That's why you hit on that maid earlier wasn't it?
You didn't do it because of some fetish for getting your ass kicked, assuredly...?



Wow a crappy weapon lying on the ground.

You ignore it.



Yoko explains a bunch of crap to you that you definitely already know.



You like her though (probably) so you politely end the conversation and get back to work.



Another GIANT ROBOT FROM SPACE attacks you, flying around with his awesome jetpack and...
Nope, another magically animated suit of armour. This is getting old.



You chuck an eco-friendly explosive at him to start things off.



It swings its big swords at you a few times, but you evade and leap up to the suit to hit it.



Another plant bomb finishes it off.



Cool, you got its soul! You wonder what undoubtedly incredible use it has.



Before you go try it out, though, you have an awkward moment darting your eyes about, trying not to embarrass yourself in front of Yoko.
She responds similarly; it appears she's shy too.
Probably because she's flustered about having a handsome man little albino boy wait on her hand and foot.
Taking out big strong ROBOTS (animated empty suits of armor) and saving the day.



When you finally snap out of it, you learn that your new ability allows you to glide, which enables you to cross large distances.
Even larger when you use your "Double Jump" technique.



The area you reach with your new, currently useless ability turns out to lead back to the place you started.

All that's left is to return to the Demon Guest House and search for a new path.

At least you get to decide which path you take to go back.

← Back Entrance ~ Front Entrance →

[No mirrors are nearby]

↓

Edited February 26, 2014 by Izayoi

[Patricius Patrician]

Go through the back entrance. It's what the cool people do. (Get your mind out of the gutter. Yes, you. I'm talking to you.)

[Aleph]

Related stream.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~ Phase 15 ~



You prepare Yoko for your journey through the Back Entrance.



You enter profusely.



Aw, how sweet. A maid pantomiming waltzing invites you in.



You quit while you're ahead and avoid starting any trouble with her.
It looks like the malleable rooms are still arranged how you left them before.



You may get a little lost pretty soon.
There sure are a lot of paths to take...



Fortunately you're a bit smarter than you were and vaguely remember how you arranged the panels, so you're able to navigate the maze.
Too bad all the stuff you're finding is crap.

Wait, what's behind that mirror...?



Awesome.
Dracula's Tunic drastically raises your defense.



It looks like you've found the way out. One of them, anyway.



After a bit of escalating,



You run into that damn clown from earlier.
You act quickly so he can't get away.
Your improved speed is instrumental in doing so.



After exacting your revenge, you acquire its soul.
You vaguely recall noting to yourself that you need it for something, but you can't quite remember what.



Oh.

'kay

Now what

← Storage Room ~ Master Bedroom →

Hall of Mirrors

↓

Edited February 26, 2014 by Izayoi

[Kriemhild]

Storage Room because Puppet Master

[Aleph]

~ Phase 16 ~



Of course, the thing being stored in the Storage Room is another big demon.



This demon seems rather puppet-themed. You wonder what its name could possibly be.



You instinctively whack the voodoo doll being placed by the demon into an iron maiden...



You don't quite whack it enough, however (maybe try the Lubicant soul?) and you take a beating as a result.
Well, a stabbing. Whatever.



The demon tries again for good measure, but you wise up and use your Cinquedia for its better aerial performance to safely dispatch the doll.



With the dolls out of the way, you easily finish off the demon.



Huh, it was named Puppet Master. How quaint.



Something seems familiar about this new ability.



Yeah you need to stop being so skeptical all the time.
What's next, a soul that makes you jump ultra high?
Or perhaps one that makes you so fast that the air around you is pressurized into a visible form?

← Garden of Madness ~ Condemned Tower →

Hall of Mirrors

↓

Edited February 26, 2014 by Izayoi

[Kriemhild]

Hall of Mirrors because of possible mirror shenanigans

[Kriemhild]

What's with the lack of progress here?

[Aleph]

I spoke to you on IRC and told you get more people to play again

but you ignored me so I thought you didn't care

;/

[Komeiji Koishi]

Let's be contrarion, I choose the gardens.

[Aleph]

To be honest I don't really like the music of the gardens, but I love the scenery. There's just a lot of detail in it. My least favourite part of the Dawn castle is probably the condemned tower/mine of judgment since it's so redundant, but the latter has Gergoth AND Death.

[Aleph]

anyone wanna break my balls and vote for the third option for a sexy three way tie

dupinmybasementwhereyoubelong