TheAssassinMercenary Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 I decided to start this thread so us FE fans could help each other out with our love lives. With that being said, I guess I'll start. So, I've been friends with this girl for a while, and I've developed a crush on her. I want to tell her how I feel, but I'm worried that if she doesn't feel the same, it will make things awkward between us and ruin our friendship. I really don't know what to do here, so help would be appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Radiant head Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 I would just ask her out. In my experience (maybe this is different elsewhere) the line between hanging out and a date is pretty blurry, so as long as you can keep things friendly and casual, and as long as you can be a man if you get rejected, there's no reason for things to get awkward. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ansem Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 oh boy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Limstella Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 (edited) Standing next to them for a couple turns should get you to an A support I know literally nothing about love Edited October 26, 2015 by Manakete Morgan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rapier Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 (edited) I decided to start this thread so us FE fans could help each other out with our love lives. With that being said, I guess I'll start. So, I've been friends with this girl for a while, and I've developed a crush on her. I want to tell her how I feel, but I'm worried that if she doesn't feel the same, it will make things awkward between us and ruin our friendship. I really don't know what to do here, so help would be appreciated. Here's the thing with it: Since you like her, it is not simply a "friendship" anymore, as there's an interest of yours about her (I don't know about you, but if I'm in a friendship with someone I like, I feel like I'm missing something essential). Unless you can ignore that crush forever, you have two options: Leave it or take it (preferably before someone else is included and it turns into a romantic triangle). The best and least painful choice is the latter. My two cents is that you should hang out with her more and then confess when the moment's appropriate. also, relevant: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtYwq4aBr0E&index=25 Edited October 26, 2015 by Rapier Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slade Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 I decided to start this thread so us FE fans could help each other out with our love lives. With that being said, I guess I'll start. So, I've been friends with this girl for a while, and I've developed a crush on her. I want to tell her how I feel, but I'm worried that if she doesn't feel the same, it will make things awkward between us and ruin our friendship. I really don't know what to do here, so help would be appreciated. Oh boy, *cracks fingers*: First things first, you have to tell yourself if YOU really want her to be YOUR girlfriend, not "a" girlfriend. Be yourself or loosen up, meaning don't make things awfully awkward and keep an open mind around her. Ask her how her day is, if there is anything going on in her life, favorite hobbies etc. This method should give you an idea on what type of girl she is. You have to be extremely patient for an opportunity to present itself cause if you just rush into confessing your feelings, you are setting yourself up for the unknown or might be completely lucky LOL. I could be completely wrong with this cause not every girl is the same, but be patient and wait until you think that she would be comfortable talking about each other's feelings. I would get into about keeping a healthy relationship but your better of than scoring a lay-up than a three-pointer lol (meaning focus on just getting the girl). Good luck Mercenary! ;D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shin Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Think less, just roll with it. Inevitably, you're going to forget any kind of plan you had and just say whatever. You might as well skip the thinking and just say whatever comes to mind, it's easier and probably more natural. If you blow it, at least you tried! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chloe Neo Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 Just ask her straight, tell her how you really feel dont sugar coat it or anything and she should say yes if she returns your feelings if not you'll have to move on I'm afraid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheAssassinMercenary Posted October 26, 2015 Author Share Posted October 26, 2015 I agree, in that one of my fatal flaws is that I think too much. We do share a lot of hobbies; we're both musicians, gamers, and swimmers, to name a few. Thanks for all the advice! I'll try to work up the courage to tell her next time I see her. Gotta love that Undertale soundtrack! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deleted35362 Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 i'm not ready to date, but i have this friend who i was a little interested in a for while, but i'm not feeling a relationship. it feels like it would make life harder now when i dont really need it to be. that friend keeps pressuring me to be interested but i dont know. almost as long as i've known them they were interested in me and i just want to know them as a friend and not have all the "if we were together" talks and so much affection all the time... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Agro Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 my luck on tinder is all right, but few make it past date 1 because i'm super picky Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slade Posted October 26, 2015 Share Posted October 26, 2015 i'm not ready to date, but i have this friend who i was a little interested in a for while, but i'm not feeling a relationship. it feels like it would make life harder now when i dont really need it to be. that friend keeps pressuring me to be interested but i dont know. almost as long as i've known them they were interested in me and i just want to know them as a friend and not have all the "if we were together" talks and so much affection all the time... It is a lot more difficult to keep a relationship than to actual be in one. Keeping a healthy relationship requires an insane amount of time and I wouldn't recommend it if you're busy/swamped with school/academics, sports, family etc. Unless you are extremely organized, go for it lol. Remember that YOU have to be happy in this relationship as well, don't solely do it for him. I personally agree with you, being in a relationship would cause a lot of unnecessary stress, but that is what I think. As for your "talks", I can't say much about that besides that both of you should talk about something you are both interested in. One-sided conversations are awful to be in. Best of luck! ;D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
claire Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 ask her out if she says no then oh well you can still be friends. its not awkward unless u guys make it awkward Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VROOOOM Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 I'm no expert (haven't even asked the girl I like our yet) but I have a tip. Just ask her out yes, but start small. Ask her out for coffee and tell her you're buying or something like that. Also try to be smooth about it. Stumbling over your words will just make it more obvious you like her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rapier Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Alternatively, you could just invite her to go out and have some fun without intending to declare to her, and see if the situation seems good for it while you're at it. I rather agree with Shin, no matter how much planning you do the situation will require you to act in another way, so improvise and be natural. :V Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Planning ahead is the worst mistake, that's all I can say. Ideally you do it as casually as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eclipse Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 ask her out if she says no then oh well you can still be friends. its not awkward unless u guys make it awkward Bingo. The absolute worst-case scenario is that she knows that you like her, she doesn't like you back, AND you don't bother telling her that you like her. If she has to take it into her own hands and tell you that she's not interested, it's going to suck. The best-case scenario? She's interested in you, too. Regardless, respect her wishes. Good relationships require both people to be on board. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheAssassinMercenary Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 Crap! I missed the perfect opportunity today... Alright, I'm not going to chicken out this time. I'm just going to come out with it and tell her that I like her. I'll try not to think. Wish me luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jedi Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) Good luck, I had something like the worse case scenario eclipse mentioned except it was more of a "both people liked each other but never said anything" The girl and I regretted it for years to come after I had to move. We still talk about "what could have been" as well and it lingers on me, not as much as it used to by any means, but yeah. Do it, and see how it goes, don't regret it either. Edited October 27, 2015 by Jedi Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Life Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) I recently asked out a former co-worker. I swear to god, she sent me this text (translated from Hebrew). "Can I ask you something? This isn't a date, is it?" I had asked her out for drinks since we both came back from trips (me to USA, her to Ireland). I told her that it's whatever she wanted to call it. If she wants to call it friends going out for drinks, then OK. If she wants a date, it's a date. Long story short, we went out for drinks as friends and nothing more. As long as you have the right attitude, no relationships get harmed. As for relationship advice, the best I can give out is to not overthink shit. A lot of socially awkward people (AKA the vast majority of this forum) tend to run themselves in circles, going over every possible outcome. Just go with the flow and be cool with everything. And have a beer. Alcohol always loosens people up. If you don't like alcohol, you're shit out of luck. I'm no expert (haven't even asked the girl I like our yet) but I have a tip. Just ask her out yes, but start small. Ask her out for coffee and tell her you're buying or something like that. Also try to be smooth about it. Stumbling over your words will just make it more obvious you like her. Alternatively, you could just invite her to go out and have some fun without intending to declare to her, and see if the situation seems good for it while you're at it. Oh and don't listen to either of these idiots. Coming from someone who has gone on a lot of failed dates (try about 15 different in a year and a half), both of these ideas are terrible. Don't try to play smooth and don't trick her. Be upfront and yourself about that shit. A lot of women really admire self-confidence in a man when it isn't forced (and due to women sometimes being Ninja-Jedis, they usually can figure that shit out). If you make it obvious you have a crush on her, so what? Some women like the attention and think it's endearing. Contrary to popular belief, there is no formula for dating women. But only the gullible and the ones seeking instant sexual gratification will buy into con-artists. Trying to be smooth is sleazy and tricking her insults her intelligence. So... don't do either. Edited October 27, 2015 by Jim Moriarty Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rapier Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 Oh and don't listen to either of these idiots. Coming from someone who has gone on a lot of failed dates (try about 15 different in a year and a half), both of these ideas are terrible. Don't try to play smooth and don't trick her. Be upfront and yourself about that shit. A lot of women really admire self-confidence in a man when it isn't forced (and due to women sometimes being Ninja-Jedis, they usually can figure that shit out). If you make it obvious you have a crush on her, so what? Some women like the attention and think it's endearing. Contrary to popular belief, there is no formula for dating women. But only the gullible and the ones seeking instant sexual gratification will buy into con-artists. Trying to be smooth is sleazy and tricking her insults her intelligence. So... don't do either. This is no more being a con-artist than "buying a few drinks to loosen up". The fact is that if something isn't done in the right situation at the right time with the right person, it fails. If you suddenly come to someone you find interesting and say "hey, let's have a date" but she barely knows you, it will fail. Same if you ask them in an inappropriate time or when they're going through bad stuff. This is not "being a man and moving on", it's being sloppy and not thinking properly about something that matters to you. That's why building a relationship and minding the chances of it working is important. On his case, it seems both are fond of each other, but he likes her. There seems to be a high chance of it working, so I don't see why not declare to her outright, as you say. But in some cases it doesn't work (maybe that's why you failed 15 dates?). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunwoo Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 I was going to just ignore this thread, but maybe I should say something. People are not obligated to return your feelings just because you like them, just as how you are not obligated to return anyone's feelings if you do not like them back. If you keep that in mind and you can believe it without being resentful of it, you're already in a good mindset. Some people become resentful and petty if the person they like doesn't return their feelings, and if that's what you think is going to happen then you're not ready for a relationship. Period. Another important thing to keep in mind is that feelings are not easy. You think it's hard for you to confess to someone? Think how hard it is for the person who got confessed to. What would you do if someone you knew walked up to you and confessed? It would take some time to process it, right? Well, it takes some time for them to process it too. Don't expect an answer the moment you go up to them and tell them how you feel. Don't pressure them to give you a response either. They'll need some time to figure out how they actually feel about you and if they want to go anywhere further with it. And if you can respect that, you're already better off than most people. Things are only awkward if you let them be awkward. So don't make things awkward if you don't want it to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Life Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 This is no more being a con-artist than "buying a few drinks to loosen up". The fact is that if something isn't done in the right situation at the right time with the right person, it fails. If you suddenly come to someone you find interesting and say "hey, let's have a date" but she barely knows you, it will fail. Same if you ask them in an inappropriate time or when they're going through bad stuff. This is not "being a man and moving on", it's being sloppy and not thinking properly about something that matters to you. That's why building a relationship and minding the chances of it working is important. On his case, it seems both are fond of each other, but he likes her. There seems to be a high chance of it working, so I don't see why not declare to her outright, as you say. But in some cases it doesn't work (maybe that's why you failed 15 dates?). You missed the point. Of all of this. First of all, alcohol is going to lower your inhibitions and make you calmer when it comes to thinking. Secondly, I wasn't clear. I've had 15 failed relationships. Not actual dates. Slip of the tongue. Number three, it's absolutely OK to ask someone you've only just met on a date. My most recent ex is a great example. The only reason we broke up is because I was working 70 hour weeks and just couldn't make enough time for her. The fact that you think otherwise simply means that you have very little experience in the matter. Most relationships start because of mutual attraction from the beginning. Very few are actually built up over time. First impressions are key and pretty much set the tone of how much time and affection you want to give the other person for the remainder of the relationship. Hence, I do not believe that you know what the fuck you are talking about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Radiant head Posted October 28, 2015 Share Posted October 28, 2015 (edited) Well this thread didn't last long. Edited October 28, 2015 by Radiant head Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheAssassinMercenary Posted October 28, 2015 Author Share Posted October 28, 2015 Well this thread didn't last long. No. No it did not. I did get the advice I was looking for though, and I'd like to thank everyone for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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