Men of Serenes Forest!

[Hawkwing]

2 hours ago, Johann said:

As I see it, killing is a neutral thing, it's not manly or unmanly. The reasons why you would kill something may be considered manly or unmanly, though. Killing something cuz you're afraid of it (when they don't pose a serious threat) or you just enjoy killing randomly is very unmanly. Killing Nazis on the beaches of Normandy is very manly. Happy D-Day everybody!

Once again, I remember that I forgot to mention another point. I actually agree with you on killing, and indeed, I don't personally agree with (much) of the norm on what "manliness" is. I honestly wanted to see another opinion and other's thoughts on the question, because as I said, one of the stupid quizzes raised it, and I realized I never asked, and I thought it could be good for discussion.

2 hours ago, Johann said:

Sparing the life of a spider or a snake is manly because you understand that its life has value. And not in a "we have to save everything!" sort of way, because we all know that everything eventually dies anyway, circle of life and all that. Rather, other life forms have roles to fulfill in this world, and if we all go around killing things just because they bother us, then we create new and unnecessary problems for ourselves in our environments.

Thank you. I honestly never saw the point in killing bugs. Throwing them outside, yeah, but I never liked the idea ending even a small life just because it was inconvenient.

The only exception was when a bunch of bee's invaded our basement, and even then, there was no safe and sure way of getting them out of the house without killing them, and I was stung three times, so we couldn't just let them be.

2 hours ago, Johann said:

A good rule of thumb is to remember that the opposite of manly isn't feminine (because men and women aren't in opposition), but boyish-- a man is in opposition against his younger, immature self.

That... put my thoughts on the matter into words. Thank you for that. Also, did you create that yourself, or did you hear/read it from somewhere?

2 hours ago, SullyMcGully said:

Pretty well agreed with the points above. The value of self-control to manhood cannot be overstated. If you've avoided regret in relationships, you have my respect as a man, regardless of whether that has left you "involuntarily celibate". If you don't cause unnecessary harm to living creatures, then you have my respect as a man because to be manly is not to be cold or cruel, but compassionate and just. My hands are stained with the blood of thousands of living creatures, mostly chickens processed on our farm. I would consider being willing to take life when it is responsible to do so an element of manhood.

Thinking about it, self-control isn't a lesson that's taught much anywhere, is it? Or at least, it's not taught obviously, yet like every virtue, it's undoubtedly very important. Of course, it's impact is subtle, yet powerful, as I know several moments in my life where greater conflict was averted by when I remained calm, collected, and thoughtful in stressful and hard situations, or in scenarios with peer pressure and/or tough decisions to make, and then realized in hindsight that self-control was a reason why these things never escalated.

On a side note, apparently I'm one of the few "voluntary" celibates in the world today (or at least, in western culture) and I know that God has answered my personal questions on killing (And I'd like to keep those private. Although that's because I'd like to talk about it with a person face to face rather than online).

2 hours ago, SullyMcGully said:

A little more controversial, but the traditional gentleman has also always prioritized the lives of others, particularly those who can't protect themselves as easily (i.e. women and children first and so on), over their own. That's something I seek to emulate in my own life.

As long as they're not demeaning or looking down upon women, I see nothing controversial or wrong about striving to be a gentleman. Indeed, I believe we need more of them in the world today, and I too, try to be one.

Thanks for answering my question, guys. I expected to get a short and sweet answer, and I'm gladly surprised to instead get more thoughtful ones. It really made me think, and in my book, that's always a good thing.

Also, I'm... starting to see the appeal of this thread now...

[Johann]

3 hours ago, SullyMcGully said:

If you've avoided regret in relationships, you have my respect as a man, regardless of whether that has left you "involuntarily celibate".

What do you mean by avoided regret? Do you mean avoiding relationships out of fear of regretting them later? Or perhaps viewing past relationships with no regrets? If either of these, I couldn't disagree more. Fear of failure shouldn't hold you back from putting yourself out there, and you should definitely look critically at mistakes you've made in relationships to keep from repeating them (because man oh man, do people repeat the same mistakes in relationships).

3 hours ago, SullyMcGully said:

A little more controversial, but the traditional gentleman has also always prioritized the lives of others, particularly those who can't protect themselves as easily (i.e. women and children first and so on), over their own. That's something I seek to emulate in my own life.

You shouldn't view women as unable to protect themselves for a few reasons, the first of which being that in any kind of situation where the average woman is in great peril, so would the average man be. Approaching a genuinely dangerous situation trying to be a hero is extremely foolish, nothing is like in the movies/TV/games/etc, and often the best thing you can do in a real emergency is get out safely and calmly. Being a gentleman is really about being mindful and respectful of others, not going in with notions of classic chivalry (which has you make poor assumptions instead of actually listening to people).

6 minutes ago, Hawkwing said:

The only exception was when a bunch of bee's invaded our basement, and even then, there was no safe and sure way of getting them out of the house without killing them, and I was stung three times, so we couldn't just let them be.

Bees I'm cool with, but not wasps and hornets, I'll kill those good for nothing fuckers with my fists if I have to.

Quote

That... put my thoughts on the matter into words. Thank you for that. Also, did you create that yourself, or did you hear/read it from somewhere?

I came to a realization about it on my own, I don't even know if it's something many other people really consciously think, though the idea of manhood being about growing up isn't anything new of course.

15 minutes ago, Hawkwing said:

Thinking about it, self-control isn't a lesson that's taught much anywhere, is it? Or at least, it's not taught obviously, yet like every virtue, it's undoubtedly very important. Of course, it's impact is subtle, yet powerful, as I know several moments in my life where greater conflict was averted by when I remained calm, collected, and thoughtful in stressful and hard situations, or in scenarios with peer pressure and/or tough decisions to make, and then realized in hindsight that self-control was a reason why these things never escalated.

I spent some time today thinking about what control means. In particular, I was thinking about how so many young men have hero fantasies where they fight off a group of bad guys or a monster or whatever. Being able to beat a group of men, especially if you easily overpower them, gives a sensation of control. I mean, picture it, if you were hypothetically attacked by a gang of like 20 guys, you'd have very little control, and if you're picturing yourself in that situation in your head, you might a slight twinge of stress. But if you had super powers or crazy fighting skills, you could beat them without a challenge. No matter what they throw at you, you'd always be in control. And if you now picture yourself being invincible against a large group like that, that twinge of stress goes away, since there's no threat. I think that's why games, movies, etc about being the hero are so appealing, you have a sense of control and at least the chance to exert it.

The sensation of feeling threatened and the idea of having control over those perceived threats is something that I think drives most conflicts, even on a political and global scale.

Quote

On a side note, apparently I'm one of the few "voluntary" celibates in the world today (or at least, in western culture) and I know that God has answered my personal questions on killing (And I'd like to keep those private. Although that's because I'd like to talk about it with a person face to face rather than online).

Bear in mind that the notion of being "involuntary celibate" is bullshit because it presumes that a person is expected sex. "Voluntary celibate" isn't really a thing either, that would just be "celibate".

31 minutes ago, Hawkwing said:

Thanks for answering my question, guys. I expected to get a short and sweet answer, and I'm gladly surprised to instead get more thoughtful ones. It really made me think, and in my book, that's always a good thing.

Also, I'm... starting to see the appeal of this thread now...

We tend to bounce back and forth between a few flavors here. @Shoblongoo brings the whiskey, I bring the wine. It's a good balance, cuz everyone wants to talk about both sex and the deep stuff. I don't really go into my sex life here cuz I don't think anyone cares, or else they'd ask me.

[Interdimensional Observer]

1 hour ago, Johann said:

We tend to bounce back and forth between a few flavors here. @Shoblongoo brings the whiskey, I bring the wine. It's a good balance, cuz everyone wants to talk about both sex and the deep stuff.

Reminds me of a thing I saw once on the old beloved show called Mythbusters- apparently mixing up your alcoholic beverages of choice results in less of a hangover than just sticking to one. 

Not that I'd know. I don't drink, alcohol is too beautiful to be drunk. I love the art of distilling, brewing, winemaking etc.- all the hard work that goes into the processes of making such a variety of beverages. Besides not wanting to undergo an altered state of consciousness and drunkness, I think that the moment I sip something alcoholic, my appreciation for the art would decline as I go "Bleh, people drink this stuff?!". Hence I don't drink to keep myself entertained and its appeal alive. (I do like grape and apple juice though.)

I will admit that one time someone made a bread pudding soaked in bourbon, most of the bourbon was evaporated in the cooking process of course, but you can never get rid of all the alcohol. Maybe this was just a placebo effect, since I knew there was bourbon still in it in some capacity, but I did feel a little off and was a little red I believe after I ate the bread pudding. So my body certainly isn't exactly ready for alcohol I think. And devoid of caffeine too (another art I appreciate from afar), the taste of sour lemonade (diluted with some water to reduce sugar content per glass- but while retaining the sourness) is as stimulating as I get. Yup, I'm boring. I don't even breathe fire (no chiles), but I do like the milder and still warming sensation provided by black pepper, so I'm typically heavy with that.

[Tediz64]

I feel like i'm at the final test day in my Introduction to Ethics all over again. We all sat down and presented topics and began debating to show the teacher our mastery in the subject. Basically a bunch of people talking seriously. Like as if we were meant to go to the Serious Discussion thread. Not that this is bad or is much needed since we all have questions but i feel like we are alienating (for the moment) the more humorous or comedic people like Shoblongo and Rezzy (+ etc) from this thread. But i'm sure they'll come back in. This is all good stuff. Even if none of this is black & white in terms of fact/fiction or right/wrong, getting insight and new perspectives (angles) feels enlightening. Makes me think we should have a thread named Philosophy.

So with that said, if anyone has the chance to pass this comment up and see this question, i'd appreciate some insight. How do you guys tell a girl to lower the volume of her voice. Or to calm down? Have you figured out some way/method that doesn't just make them even angrier or start yelling? I feel like every time i say "calm down" or something about lowering their voice, all i do is get more nagging/fighting.

[Shoblongoo]

I reject the notion that there is a clear mark of delineation between serious discussion of life ethics and gratuitous sex stuff. Hedonism (i.e. maximal pleasure is the ultimate good and highest pursuit of human existence) is a legitamite philosophy.

Edited June 7, 2018 by Shoblongoo

[Shoblongoo]

2 hours ago, Tediz64 said:

How do you guys tell a girl to lower the volume of her voice. Or to calm down? Have you figured out some way/method that doesn't just make them even angrier or start yelling? 

 Nope. If at all possible I'd try to just ignore yelling, walk away, and reengage later after she's calmed down a bit.  But if she's hellbent on keeping it going in that moment--good luck.

Edited June 7, 2018 by Shoblongoo

[Johann]

1 hour ago, Shoblongoo said:

I reject the notion that there is a clear mark of delineation between serious discussion of life ethics and gratuitous sex stuff. Hedonism (i.e. maximal pleasure is the ultimate good and highest pursuit of human existence) is a legitamite philosophy.

Agreed, all this stuff is tied together. I feel like my online persona is more serious sounding than who I am in real life, as someone who has no problem dancing in my underwear in public.

3 hours ago, Tediz64 said:

How do you guys tell a girl to lower the volume of her voice. Or to calm down? Have you figured out some way/method that doesn't just make them even angrier or start yelling? I feel like every time i say "calm down" or something about lowering their voice, all i do is get more nagging/fighting.

I haven't had a woman yell at me since high school (my mom), but here's what I think: You don't tell her to lower her voice. Listen to what she's saying, because that's why she's worked up to begin with. From there, it's up to you to figure it out because the solution is going to depend entirely on what's upsetting her in the first place. Whatever her perspective is, she's in a place of feeling threatened and wants to gain some control over the situation (whether or not she realizes it; this is just how anyone is when they fight). Telling someone to "calm down" when they're pissed off suggests to them that you don't want to deal with whatever problem they're expressing (in a more drastic parallel, it's kinda like when people give protesters shit for protesting, but ignoring why they're protesting).

This is all assuming she's not drunk, which, if she is, you can just be like "let's talk about this tomorrow".

[Shoblongoo]

2 hours ago, Johann said:

Listen to what she's saying, because that's why she's worked up to begin with.

But sometimes what she's saying and what's got her worked up to begin with is really, really, really stupid. 

[SullyMcGully]

15 hours ago, Johann said:

What do you mean by avoided regret? Do you mean avoiding relationships out of fear of regretting them later? Or perhaps viewing past relationships with no regrets? If either of these, I couldn't disagree more. Fear of failure shouldn't hold you back from putting yourself out there, and you should definitely look critically at mistakes you've made in relationships to keep from repeating them (because man oh man, do people repeat the same mistakes in relationships).

I mean seeing a pitfall and avoiding it. I don't think it's necessary to look at the mistakes you've made, you've seen dozens of relationships and you've seen the mistakes that affected them. I believe it was Otto von Bismarck who said "some men learn from their mistakes. Well, I learn from other men's mistakes." I think this is a fair philosophy. When I see what getting too intimate with that one girl without commitment did to one of my friends, I can see that I could potentially lose in my own relationships without actually having to lose it. When I hear my dad tell me about things he and my mother fought over before marriage, I get a better feel for what appropriate boundaries are. I don't need to fear relationships due to potential regrets because I have an incredible amount of data around me that makes it incredibly clear what the consequences of my actions can be. 

I was referring to it within the context of self-control. Basically, if you already know you'll regret something, but do it anyway for the thrills and then ruin a relationship because of it, would you have been exercising self-control? I don't think so. I don't think it's excusable, regardless of how "manly" some people seem to think acting like an animal and following your more primitive instincts may be.

[Johann]

6 minutes ago, SullyMcGully said:

I mean seeing a pitfall and avoiding it. I don't think it's necessary to look at the mistakes you've made, you've seen dozens of relationships and you've seen the mistakes that affected them. I believe it was Otto von Bismarck who said "some men learn from their mistakes. Well, I learn from other men's mistakes." I think this is a fair philosophy. When I see what getting too intimate with that one girl without commitment did to one of my friends, I can see that I could potentially lose in my own relationships without actually having to lose it. When I hear my dad tell me about things he and my mother fought over before marriage, I get a better feel for what appropriate boundaries are. I don't need to fear relationships due to potential regrets because I have an incredible amount of data around me that makes it incredibly clear what the consequences of my actions can be. 

I was referring to it within the context of self-control. Basically, if you already know you'll regret something, but do it anyway for the thrills and then ruin a relationship because of it, would you have been exercising self-control? I don't think so. I don't think it's excusable, regardless of how "manly" some people seem to think acting like an animal and following your more primitive instincts may be.

That's a decent approach then. I will say, however, it's easier to take a more logical approach to dating when you're not emotionally invested. Your sound logic is tested against the new dimensions that emotions and impulse bring.

My approach to sex when I was a kid was basically "I'll only sleep with someone I love", but now I see sex as another way to discover who a person is and have fun with them, not all that different in purpose than talking to get to know them. Some people express themselves better through sex than they do with talking.

[Shoblongoo]

42 minutes ago, SullyMcGully said:

I was referring to it within the context of self-control. Basically, if you already know you'll regret something, but do it anyway for the thrills and then ruin a relationship because of it, would you have been exercising self-control? 

I tend to find that the things I regret most in life aren't the things I've done. They're the things I could have done but didn't do--the missed opportunities. 

Sometimes living without regret means throwing caution to the wind and just going for it. 

Edited June 7, 2018 by Shoblongoo

[Tediz64]

8 hours ago, Shoblongoo said:

I tend to find that the things I regret most in life aren't the things I've done. They're the things I could have done but didn't do--the missed opportunities. 

Sometimes living without regret means throwing caution to the wind and just going for it. 

I agree with this. I heard a quote once "I'd rather regret doing something, than not having done something". It eats me up nasty thinking things along the line of "if only I had..." and so forth. I'd rather go "ah well shit...I guess I'll know better next". That is much more pleasant. I also like the quote "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"

 

As a side note/question. I've been lurking around Serenes for about roughly 4 years (probably less) but have only posted recently. What is the general attitude or policy on using swears. Like as in cuss words. I looked up the rules but I didn't get a clear answer. I rarely use them but I want to double check I won't get the ban hammer or a warning. I just used one now. 

[Johann]

1 hour ago, Tediz64 said:

As a side note/question. I've been lurking around Serenes for about roughly 4 years (probably less) but have only posted recently. What is the general attitude or policy on using swears. Like as in cuss words. I looked up the rules but I didn't get a clear answer. I rarely use them but I want to double check I won't get the ban hammer or a warning. I just used one now. 

As far as I can tell, they're ok as long as they're not overly used, directed at somebody, or hate speech. You're good.

[Slumber]

25 minutes ago, Johann said:

As far as I can tell, they're ok as long as they're not overly used, directed at somebody, or hate speech. You're good.

I think most mods don't care as long as you're not going over board.

If you're in the middle of a serious discussion on like, the Awakening board, saying "fuck" every two words probably isn't the best idea.

But a few here and there, no matter the board, seems to be fine. I swear like a sailor and have never gotten warned about it. Even while talking to mods and staff and stuff.

[Tediz64]

How is the interview going @Slumber? I see your name is up and they are going strong lol. Don't mean to ask you questions here too but I'd imagine it's at the very least a tad stressful.

[Slumber]

1 minute ago, Tediz64 said:

How is the interview going @Slumber? I see your name is up and they are going strong lol. Don't mean to ask you questions here too but I'd imagine it's at the very least a tad stressful.

's going good.

It's only stressful when I'm at work and see 3 new lines of questions on my break.

[Tediz64]

How does it feel being famous enough to get commended 7 times? You got some people who want to know about you. Lol

[Slumber]

46 minutes ago, Tediz64 said:

How does it feel being famous enough to get commended 7 times? You got some people who want to know about you. Lol

I just see that sort of thing as it being "my turn". @Hawkwingwas pretty persistent about getting me in there these last few weeks.

[Tediz64]

Do you feel closer to the community in the sense that you like us enough to stay a member of SF for some time to come? I'd feel after an event like that, I'd have a stronger bond with community here. I mean you already have to know enough people to get nominated but that is beside the point @Slumber

Edited June 8, 2018 by Tediz64

[Hawkwing]

On 6/6/2018 at 11:17 PM, Johann said:

Bees I'm cool with, but not wasps and hornets, I'll kill those good for nothing fuckers with my fists if I have to.

I accidentally hit a wasps nest when cutting branches off of a tree one time, and I have to say, they hurt! Even an hour later, I still felt some pain in my arm (or wrist, I can't remember) Even if it wasn't as bad as the initial stinging.

My stance on the creatures is if I don't bother them, they won't bother me. And vice-versa.

On 6/6/2018 at 11:17 PM, Johann said:

I came to a realization about it on my own, I don't even know if it's something many other people really consciously think, though the idea of manhood being about growing up isn't anything new of course.

It's a pretty good quote, honestly. Heck, I might use it sometime, if you don't mind.

On 6/6/2018 at 11:17 PM, Johann said:

I spent some time today thinking about what control means. In particular, I was thinking about how so many young men have hero fantasies where they fight off a group of bad guys or a monster or whatever. Being able to beat a group of men, especially if you easily overpower them, gives a sensation of control. I mean, picture it, if you were hypothetically attacked by a gang of like 20 guys, you'd have very little control, and if you're picturing yourself in that situation in your head, you might a slight twinge of stress. But if you had super powers or crazy fighting skills, you could beat them without a challenge. No matter what they throw at you, you'd always be in control. And if you now picture yourself being invincible against a large group like that, that twinge of stress goes away, since there's no threat. I think that's why games, movies, etc about being the hero are so appealing, you have a sense of control and at least the chance to exert it.

The sensation of feeling threatened and the idea of having control over those perceived threats is something that I think drives most conflicts, even on a political and global scale.

I tried imagining that, and all I really thought of doing was attempting diplomacy to see what the supposed problem was, and how to solve it. Then I remembered the time I played paintball, and how despite being nervous as heck, I did my duty and stayed on the front lines. I imagined that if worse came to worse, I would stand my ground, even if my chances looked grim.

Then again, I've never been in an actual fight before, as I'm not a trouble maker; I'm a problem solver, and I know when to walk away from certain situations if I see it as the best choice. That, and I've never really done anything to (intentionally) tick someone off, and I guess beating me up would be a "never-let-it-down" moment for the attacker.

As for the control thing, it actually made me think about why difficult video-games are so popular. The sense of control has to be earned, and you need to know how to use your power and resources in order to get anywhere in the game. It's much more satisfying to beat something like XCOM or Dark Souls than .

I would just like to add that there are several selfish and selfless factors that go into the decision-making process for why leaders wish to have as much control over a situation as possible. And I'll leave it at that.

On 6/6/2018 at 11:17 PM, Johann said:

Bear in mind that the notion of being "involuntary celibate" is bullshit because it presumes that a person is expected sex. "Voluntary celibate" isn't really a thing either, that would just be "celibate".

Hence the quotation marks.

On 6/6/2018 at 11:17 PM, Johann said:

We tend to bounce back and forth between a few flavors here. @Shoblongoo brings the whiskey, I bring the wine. It's a good balance, cuz everyone wants to talk about both sex and the deep stuff. I don't really go into my sex life here cuz I don't think anyone cares, or else they'd ask me.

A good analogy, even if I hate alcohol.

Although being perfectly honest, the s*x part was the entire reason it took me so long to reply. I questioned whether or not I wanted my name to be present on such a topic, but as I said, I stupidly decided to take a quiz, and decided that now was the time to ask that question.

[Tediz64]

6 minutes ago, Hawkwing said:

Although being perfectly honest, the s*x part was the entire reason it took me so long to reply. I questioned whether or not I wanted my name to be present on such a topic, but as I said, I stupidly decided to take a quiz, and decided that now was the time to ask that question.

Ya know it wasn't until i got older that i realized that everything you do leaves impressions. I think i sorta gave up after a few years because i remember this older guy telling me at my job that "Sometimes there isn't anything you can do about people who are going to judge right away or be hasty in forming their opinions. What you should care about is cultivating the opinion of the people who are patient and will take the time to get to you know". He said that in response to the fact that i was asking why won't people give me a chance and come meet me first before already judging me.

I'm sorta throwing caution to the wind here on SF. I like people. I wan to make friends. But i'm only going to spend my effort/time on people who will do the same. Its treating others how you want to be treated sorta. But then again i suck at communicating so it's hard for me to relate or connect with others. Which is why i'm building practice online.

[Hawkwing]

On 6/7/2018 at 3:01 PM, SullyMcGully said:

I was referring to it within the context of self-control. Basically, if you already know you'll regret something, but do it anyway for the thrills and then ruin a relationship because of it, would you have been exercising self-control? I don't think so. I don't think it's excusable, regardless of how "manly" some people seem to think acting like an animal and following your more primitive instincts may be.

On 6/7/2018 at 3:42 PM, Shoblongoo said:

I tend to find that the things I regret most in life aren't the things I've done. They're the things I could have done but didn't do--the missed opportunities. 

Sometimes living without regret means throwing caution to the wind and just going for it. 

Both of you are right. There are several situations, both on large and small scales, where greater conflict and strive could have been avoided if a single temptation was resisted and/or some (more) thought was put into a decision. Self-control is a massive aid with keeping a level-head and a wise brain in abnormal, stressful, and/or potentially sinful scenarios, which can lead to avoiding regret and either avoiding the problem, or at least handling it more skillfully. There are too many examples in the world both today and throughout history of what a lack of self control will do to a person and the people around them.

Although I don't know what kind of regret  you're talking about, Shoblongoo, I do agree that there are several moments where taking an action would have done more good than doing nothing. I know of several cases where I could have talked to someone, or gone to an activity, but didn't, and I always saw those as missed opportunities, and potentially even meaningful ones. Although I disagree about throwing caution to the wind. A person led by prudence and wisdom can know what situations it is best to act (as well as how), when to be patient and wait, and when to simply walk away.

On 6/7/2018 at 9:10 AM, Shoblongoo said:

I reject the notion that there is a clear mark of delineation between serious discussion of life ethics and gratuitous sex stuff. Hedonism (i.e. maximal pleasure is the ultimate good and highest pursuit of human existence) is a legitamite philosophy.

Hedonism is a flawed philosophy, though. Largely because it can be engaged in both selflessly and selfishly, and sometimes the more selfish people engage in their "happiness" at the expense and/or to the harm of other people. Doesn't help that entertainment can be both deep and thoughtful as well as incredibly shallow, and even sinful, which unfortunately can entice people into doing wrong things because they believe it will brings them temporary happiness, and is thus "good."

Then again, I'm also a guy that's willing to sacrifice free time to get work accomplished, and I do hold that hardship builds character. It takes resistance to fly, after all.

[Hawkwing]

On 6/7/2018 at 6:44 AM, Tediz64 said:

So with that said, if anyone has the chance to pass this comment up and see this question, i'd appreciate some insight. How do you guys tell a girl to lower the volume of her voice. Or to calm down? Have you figured out some way/method that doesn't just make them even angrier or start yelling? I feel like every time i say "calm down" or something about lowering their voice, all i do is get more nagging/fighting.

Overall, regardless of the situation, I would say always remain polite. Saying "may you please be quieter/lower your voice" is much more effective than just telling her to "shut up", "calm down", etc. If nothing else, it gives a bit more ground/credibility to your side, as giving a rude answer to a polite question is seen as bad manners, and it might cause them to think twice about what they say next. If they don't, well, you'll have the high ground, then.

For more specifics, some people are just plain excitable, and/or happen to have loud voices. I've personally known several people who where both, and I've often had to politely ask them to lower their voice when they are talking indoors. Understand it's their natural voice, so they might not realize they're being loud (I actually have the opposite problem of having a really deep and quiet voice, and I have to raise the volume in order for other's to hear me).

If she's yelling because because she's ticked or stressed, or something along those lines, then I would say just listen and let her vent, even if the topic matter is boring and/or doesn't concern you at all. As said earlier, be polite, and if you have something you legitimately have to do elsewhere, find a pause in the story and respectfully tell her that you need to go.

That's the best I could do without being given specifics.

[Johann]

50 minutes ago, Hawkwing said:

I accidentally hit a wasps nest when cutting branches off of a tree one time, and I have to say, they hurt! Even an hour later, I still felt some pain in my arm (or wrist, I can't remember) Even if it wasn't as bad as the initial stinging.

My stance on the creatures is if I don't bother them, they won't bother me. And vice-versa.

Probably my worst experience getting stung was when I was collecting data with a GPS in the woods. The girl I was working with was setting flags and I was behind her marking those locations off, being slowed down by waiting for the GPS to get a signal. Just as I was 3 feet away from approaching one flag, I noticed a small swarm of hornets beneath it, but by that point it was too late and I got hit like Macaulay Culkin in My Girl. Ended up with over a dozen stings, most of which were on my left arm and hand. By the next day, my hand had swollen up to the point where it looked like a boxing glove. I was in a play at the time, so that night I kind of hid my hand behind my back whenever I could when I was on stage.

59 minutes ago, Hawkwing said:

As for the control thing, it actually made me think about why difficult video-games are so popular. The sense of control has to be earned, and you need to know how to use your power and resources in order to get anywhere in the game. It's much more satisfying to beat something like XCOM or Dark Souls than .

Perhaps, though I know for me, I like a good challenge. I suppose in my head I was thinking more like how some people who want to entirely crush their opposition, whereas I prefer a challenge that demands that gets my brain going. I'm very big on self-imposed challenges in games I've mastered because of this.

1 hour ago, Tediz64 said:

Ya know it wasn't until i got older that i realized that everything you do leaves impressions. I think i sorta gave up after a few years because i remember this older guy telling me at my job that "Sometimes there isn't anything you can do about people who are going to judge right away or be hasty in forming their opinions. What you should care about is cultivating the opinion of the people who are patient and will take the time to get to you know". He said that in response to the fact that i was asking why won't people give me a chance and come meet me first before already judging me.

I'm sorta throwing caution to the wind here on SF. I like people. I wan to make friends. But i'm only going to spend my effort/time on people who will do the same. Its treating others how you want to be treated sorta. But then again i suck at communicating so it's hard for me to relate or connect with others. Which is why i'm building practice online.

Incidentally, you might notice that the most judgmental people are also the most sensitive to judgment, and usually end up being a total pain in the ass to deal with in any capacity. Around here, it doesn't seem to be a problem unless you engage in petty arguments about FE characters.

[Tediz64]

@Johann I heard that before. The phrase "takes one to know one" comes to mind. I know I judge pretty quickly but I wouldnt say harshly. I always give it time before I completely cement my opinion. Plus sometimes my judgement is based off me being lazy and not wanting to think so hard about a person who probably doesn't want to be my friend. Lol.

On a side note, I really despise the government for wasting our time teaching us not so important things growing up in school but not skills to socialize, understand others betters, be more open minded to not only wisdom but experiences, and just in general thinking for yourself and not using automatic judgements. Like this would make the world so much better IMO. Instead I'm learning using video game forums what should have been taught to me when I was 15 or 16.