SF's "Write Your Butt Off" Competition HD II.5 Remix

[AnonymousSpeed]

12 hours ago, Azure loves his Half Elves said:

And here we have a parody of patriotism.

An affectionate one. Saxton Hale is the Australian version of what an American should be.

11 hours ago, Jotari said:

Wow that was...completely unintentional. I just picked the name Donald at random.

I like the idea that this is a universe where Donald Trump goes on to be the dad of the Republican party.

Pic unrelated.

[Azure the Scale Tipper]

24 minutes ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

 

Imagine seeing this picture with a lack of context.

[Jotari]

Wow despite the 1 entry on the final few days we managed to get a hefty six in the end. Damn, now I really need to find some time to sit down and read some of them.

[Anacybele]

Oh yay, I got a vote. ^^

But wow, the opinions of the best entry this time are quite varied. lol

[Ottservia]

Okie dokie time for some reviews. Two at a time because fuck it.

@Anacybele

Not bad one. Fluffy, light hearted, and just general slice of life stuff. The characters were fun and charming as to be expected from your stories. Not much else to really say though there's an interesting trans angle you could go with Tristan but that's just me projecting things onto the story that likely wasn't intended. It was just a cute simple little story not much else to say really. I will say that Kieran's explanation of how he felt about his family's death felt a little I wouldn't say forced but it felt more like an after thought if that makes sense. It just kinda feels hastily slapped in there and doesn't necessarily flow well with everything else. It felt a little info dumpy and rushed when I feel you could've delivered that exposition a little more organically I guess is what I'm trying to say. Other than that I have no real complaints.

6 hours ago, Azure loves his Half Elves said:

By the by, credit goes to @Ottservia for helping me improve the story of my entry with his advice that I made sure to follow. Thank you.

and you're welcome for that so allow me to give my full thoughts I promised back then.

I really like this one. It's short but it's definitely an interesting conflict and an interesting spin  on the prompt. I told you before that I liked the moment when Ashe grabbed Felix. I really like that moment because of the drastic tone shift it creates. It really helps sell the escalating tension the scene presents where it just kinda builds until one of the two snaps. It's whiplashy but in a good way. It shows where Ashe draws the line as well and I really like when normally nice and level-headed characters just lose their cool for a moment. Again it creates a sudden sense of shock to release some of that tension in the scene. Beyond that I just like the conflict between Ashe and Felix. It's effective and builds off of the established relationship they have  in regards to how they feel about each other. Ashe and Felix are just two characters bounce off each other well and I like how you exploit that for an interesting conflict here. I also really like shifting to Ashe's PoV. It helps sell the parallel between the two. Overall well done if you ask me 

[Anacybele]

4 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

Not bad one. Fluffy, light hearted, and just general slice of life stuff. The characters were fun and charming as to be expected from your stories. Not much else to really say though there's an interesting trans angle you could go with Tristan but that's just me projecting things onto the story that likely wasn't intended. It was just a cute simple little story not much else to say really. I will say that Kieran's explanation of how he felt about his family's death felt a little I wouldn't say forced but it felt more like an after thought if that makes sense. It just kinda feels hastily slapped in there and doesn't necessarily flow well with everything else. It felt a little info dumpy and rushed when I feel you could've delivered that exposition a little more organically I guess is what I'm trying to say. Other than that I have no real complaints.

I see. I'm not sure how I could've made that exposition a little more "organic" whatever that means, but okay. And theoretically, that trans idea would fit, but I think it'd be more meaningful if Tristan actually succeeded in becoming a true male Pegasus knight, since it would show that it IS possible for a Pegasus to let a male ride it, it's just more difficult. Just having Tristan turn into a girl and more or less keep the female-only thing going just kinda defeats the point, I think.

Glad you liked this nonetheless though. 🙂

Edited July 22, 2020 by Anacybele

[Azure the Scale Tipper]

53 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

Okie dokie time for some reviews. Two at a time because fuck it.

I did 5 at once, so it shouldn’t be much of a stretch of ability. Although, my reviews did not have as much detail, so there’s that.

53 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

I really like this one. It's short but it's definitely an interesting conflict and an interesting spin  on the prompt. I told you before that I liked the moment when Ashe grabbed Felix. I really like that moment because of the drastic tone shift it creates. It really helps sell the escalating tension the scene presents where it just kinda builds until one of the two snaps. It's whiplashy but in a good way. It shows where Ashe draws the line as well and I really like when normally nice and level-headed characters just lose their cool for a moment. Again it creates a sudden sense of shock to release some of that tension in the scene. Beyond that I just like the conflict between Ashe and Felix. It's effective and builds off of the established relationship they have  in regards to how they feel about each other. Ashe and Felix are just two characters bounce off each other well and I like how you exploit that for an interesting conflict here. I also really like shifting to Ashe's PoV. It helps sell the parallel between the two. Overall well done if you ask me 

I could see that. Taking what I knew about Ashe, Felix, and their support, I felt a debate would fit this prompt very well. Especially since Ashe here has not experienced what he did in his and Catherine’s Paralogue, given he was not recruited by Byleth in this timeline. So he has every reason to fight for Faerghus, even with the Church on their side. Felix, on the other hand, will have had his paralogue played by this point, and is probably tired of all this without Byleth being the teacher of the Blue Lions.

I will say that I should not have had the explanation of how Felix’s view on friendship changing and the explanation of Sylvain being the one person to help him decide whether he should leave Faerghus separate. It feels like it would have flowed better otherwise.

[Jotari]

Where's my convenient link for the posts all the stories are at?

Ah. In the OP. How convenient.

  

On 7/10/2020 at 1:26 PM, Anacybele said:

Uh, it's never been three weeks... I have no idea where anyone would get that idea.

Anyway, I finished my entry! I hope I'm not going to be the only one this whole round though. Patriotism is fun!

This turned out rather short, so I'm not confident it's one of my better pieces. I've said in the past that I have trouble making a quality story with only a few thousand words or less. But I did still try with this one! Hope you all enjoy. 🙂

Title: Long Live Crimea!
Fandom: Fire Emblem (Tellius)
Words: 2714

Pre-Read Note:

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This story mentions some of Kieran's history, which is actually not officially known. I came up with a backstory for him some time ago and it's used here. This backstory is as follows: Kieran was born to a family of horse breeders and is the youngest of three siblings (this is to mirror Oscar being the oldest of three). While his mother and sister loved and supported him in his desire to become a knight of Crimea, his father and brother were quite the opposite. They borderline abused him and thought he was pathetic. Too clumsy, prone to accidents, and didn't take things seriously enough. His brother was the worse of the two and even resorted to bullying poor Kieran at times. But thanks to his mother and sister, Kieran still pressed on and lived his dream while deciding to prove his loyalty and strength in any way he could. Because of the way the other half of his family treated him, however, he is adamant on not letting others tease his son for his own dream. He's enthusiastic about his achievements due to having proved his now dead father and brother wrong.

Story

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Long Live Crimea!

 

“Sigh…” an eight-year-old boy named Tristan uttered as he rather sluggishly walked through a hall in the grand Castle Crimea. He was on his way to meet his father after a day of school taught by the royal tutor, who was in charge of educating the children of the Crimea royal family, nobles, and high-ranking military officers.

“Sniff… What if…what if it really is impossible?!” Tristan wondered to himself as worrisome thoughts plagued his mind. His striking blue eyes grew glassy and a tear began to trickle down his cheek.

“But why does it have to be?” he continued to himself. “Why?!”

Tristan then turned a corner to leave the school wing of the castle and enter one of the larger halls.

There waiting for him was his father, garbed in elaborate gold-trimmed red armor and his signature ebony tunic. The color of his hair mimicked Tristan’s own reddish brown, but also slightly spiky mane. The boy quickly wiped his tears away.

“Ah, hey there, champ!” Tristan’s father greeted. “How’s school going?

“Hi, Papa,” Tristan greeted, though he couldn’t do a good job of hiding the gloom in his tone. “It’s okay, I guess…”

“Hm? What’s the matter?” his father wondered, a small frown gracing his lips. “Why the long face, son?”

“Oh, uh…I’m okay, really,” Tristan feigned. His father wasn’t buying it, however.

“Now don’t give me that. I can tell for sure that something’s bothering you,” he said. “Or my name isn’t—!”

“General Kieran of the Crimean Royal Knights. Yeah, Papa, I know,” Tristan finished with a small grin. “You only say that a bunch of times a month. Maybe a week, actually.”

“Ah. Heh,” Kieran replied, going a bit pink. “Perhaps you’re right, son. But anyway! As I said, I know something’s bothering you and I want to know what. Is somebody picking on you in class? I’ll give them a piece of my mind!”

“Oh, no… It’s not that,” Tristan replied. “Not really, anyway.”

“I see. Well, let’s walk and talk about it.”

“Okay.”

The two then began making their way down the hall as Tristan felt butterflies twitter about in his stomach. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know what either of his parents would think about what was troubling him. But he knew he had to talk to someone about it sooner or later, or he would never have a chance of feeling better about it. Tristan heaved a sigh and began.

“Well, Papa…” he said. “Nobody really made fun of me, but it is about something that happened in school.”

“Hmm,” Kieran replied. “Go on. Don’t worry, I won’t be upset with you if you did nothing wrong.”

“Okay then. See…I really like when Mama takes me for a ride on her Pegasus. And…it’s made me want to…get my own someday. I…I wanna be a Pegasus knight! But when I said this in school, some kids laughed and told me I can’t do it because a Pegasus is only for girls! And—”

“Wait, hold on,” Kieran interrupted. “I completely understand, but let’s continue this when we get to our quarters. I feel this is going to be a rather long conversation.”

“Um… Okay then…”

With that, the two continued to their destination without anymore words. It was the quarters in which Kieran and his small family stayed in the Castle Crimea grounds. As a general, he was given the privilege and it extended to his immediate family if he desired. When they went inside, Kieran made sure to close the door and had his son sit down in a pair of chairs with him.

“Okay. So my boy likes Pegasi, huh?” Kieran said with a smile.

“Yeah!” Tristan replied. “They’re so beautiful and majestic. And flying is so great! I love the wind in my face when Mama takes me up.”

“Heh, that’s great to hear! I’m personally quite content being on the ground with Lancelot as my mount. But anyway, you were teased for this by other kids?”

“Sorta, I guess. But they didn’t laugh for real long. Mr. Damocles had told them to stop, but then also said that they are right. That Pegasi only like girls! That’s just not fair! How can they only like girls? Why, Papa?”

“I see…” Kieran replied. “Well, the thing is, your tutor is right that Pegasi have only allowed women to ride them.”

At this, Tristan frowned again, and another sniffle left his nose.

“So then… I really can’t do it,” he said.

“It’s never been done before,” Kieran continued. “But… You know what?”

“What?”

“That doesn’t mean it’s truly impossible. Why, for all we know, us men just haven’t tried hard enough to gain the trust of Pegasi! Maybe there have been male Pegasus knights before and were just lost to history long ago! Who knows?”

“Really, Papa?”

Kieran then placed a hand on his son’s shoulder and continued.

“Yes! Son, you just do your best at this. Don’t you ever let anyone tell you that you can’t try to live your dream! If you want to be a Pegasus knight, then go for it! It would never hurt to try. And if those kids and that tutor are making you feel bad, you can let me give them a good talking to.”

“Heh. Thanks, Papa! But I don’t think you need to talk to them. Not right now, at least.”

“Alrighty then. But if you ever want me to, you know I’m here. Just remember one other thing though. If being a Pegasus knight doesn’t work out, there will always be other ways you can do great things for our fair Crimea.”

Tristan thought for a moment before replying.

“…Yeah. You’re right! Thanks so much, Papa.”

“Of course, son! I’m rooting for you though, you know! I want to believe you can make some history and be our first male Pegasus knight! And if those kids tease you again, I’ll give them what-for for you. No one tells my boy he can’t do something. No one…”

For a moment, Kieran’s tone was distant. Tristan noticed and tilted his head.

“Heh, thanks! But…are you okay there, Papa? You might be getting a little too serious.”

“…Ah. Sorry about that. I was…reminded of the past,” Kieran explained. “I’ve always been loyal to only the people of Crimea and passionate about serving her. Your grandma and aunt were all for me pursuing that dream. But my father and brother…not so much.”

“…Wait. You had a brother, Papa?”

“Yeah. A jerk he was, just like my dad. I never told you about him because I didn’t think you needed to know. But I guess I let the cat out of the bag now. He and my dad didn’t think I could do it. They thought I was too reckless, clumsy, and not serious enough. I did end up with quite a few bumps and bruises along the way, I’ll admit. But you know what? I’m here today with the rank of general! Right alongside Geoffrey! And where are my father and brother? DEAD! Dead since the early days of the Mad King’s War! Now I don’t recommend acting like this towards the deceased in the future, mind you. But when I found out they’d been slain in Ashnard’s invasion of Melior, I couldn’t help but walk away and privately shout “HUZZAH! Who’s the useless one now?!” Of course, I’d have rather they changed their ways and respected me more. And there were times I wished they’d leave or the rest of us would leave them. But nobody liked the idea of breaking up the family.”

“Oh wow… That’s horrible, Papa. I didn’t mean to make you sad about it again.”

“Yeah. But no worries, son. I’m not sad. Just telling you why I don’t want anyone treating you that way at all.”

“Oh, okay. I won’t let any of those kids get to me then!”

“Good to hear! Also, I might be able to help you a little.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah. I think you’re old enough to start learning more about serving Crimea. You want to be a knight regardless of your mount, right?”

“Oh, yeah!”

“And the anniversary of the founding of our fair kingdom is upon us soon as well!”

“Oh yeah, that’s right!”

“Son, I can teach you about how to show your loyalty! To exhibit the best patriotism you can imagine! We can use it in the celebration and you can try to use it to prove your loyalty and trust to a lovely Pegasus!”

“Oh, I see! There’s tricks and stuff to it?”

“In a manner of speaking. First and foremost, you swear your life to your liege and people. Knights are sworn to lay down their lives for their kingdom if necessary.”

“Yeah… That’s the only scary part. But it’s still great to help the kingdom!”

“Indeed. And you need courage! Bravery! Resolve! And true heart!”

“Ah! Yeah!”

“And let your fellow Crimeans know from time to time that you’re there for them!”

“Right!”

“And most importantly, go above and beyond for your kingdom!”

“Okay! Thanks, Papa!”

“Sure! And there’s even more we can do too, at least for the anniversary celebration.”

“Oh? What’s that?”

“Give me a sec.”

Kieran then walked over to a closet and began rummaging through it a little. Eventually, he pulled out a pair of flags with the Crimean emblem on them. He also had a rolled-up length of fabric on his hands after closing the closet doors. He then turned around to wave one of the flags.

“Firstly, wave your Crimea flag as best you can when appropriate!” he said.

“Okay! But…you know, doesn’t Mama think you overdo this a bit sometimes though?” Tristan wondered.

“Ah… Heh, maybe a little. But anyway, I still say it’s the best way to show your loyalty and passion for our great land of Crimea!”

Kieran then handed his son one of the flags. Tristan then began to wave it around, though not quite the same way his father had. He was going closer to swinging it around wildly rather than truly waving it.

“Here, try doing it a bit more gracefully,” Kieran instructed. “You don’t want to end up smacking it against something and breaking it. Believe me, I know…”

“Oh. Yeah, right. Mama told me that you also accidentally hit Sir Oscar in the face with one once too, and then yourself!”

“Ah… Ha, ha…” Kieran chuckled awkwardly, his face going a bit red. He then lowered his voice a little and bit his lip. “Marcia, why did you have to mention that to him…”

“Huh?” Tristan wondered.

“Ah, nothing, never mind,” Kieran continued. “But you don’t want to end up hitting people either, of course. Anyway…”

Tristan then paid a little more attention to how he waved his flag and tried again. This time he did so a little slower, less wildly, and with as much grace as he possibly could. A smile dawned his features as he admired the beautiful Crimean emblem embroidered on the fabric.

“There you go!” Kieran praised.

“Yeah! This is fun, Papa!” Tristan agreed. “Oh, I just remembered. There’s the Crimea national anthem too, right? “Crimea the Beautiful.” Mr. Damocles taught us all about its history and Crimea’s.”

“Ah, yes! Very good point!” Kieran realized. “We can practice it together too. I sing it every year for the Founding of Crimea anniversary as clearly as I can!”

“Awesome! I don’t remember all the words yet though…”

“No problem! I can help you with that.”

“Yay!”

With that, Kieran began to march in place and hum a little tune. Moments later, the graceful words of “Crimea the Beautiful” began to leave his lips. Tristan realized his father wasn’t the greatest singer, but could tell he had fun doing so and clearly put his heart into it. Tristan then began to follow along as best as he could, and also marched in place next to his father. Excitedly, they began to sing a little louder and turned their marching in place into marching in circles around the room. The two also waved their flags again as they did so.

Soon enough, however, they were so into their anthem practice that they neglected to pay attention to anything else. Including a repeated knock at the door that went unanswered. Minutes later, the door opened to revealed a man with bright azure hair and navy armor.

“Hey, what in—AUUGGH!” he suddenly bellowed, snapping the father and son pair back to reality. Tristan had wound up swinging his flag right into the man’s midsection.

“KIERAN!” the man bellowed again while tightly clutching his now sore gut. “What in all of Crimea is going on in here?!”

“Oh no! I’m sorry!” Tristan quickly replied, dropping his flag and bringing his hands to his mouth.

“Ah!” Kieran cried. “Geoffrey! Er… Damn it. Are you alright? My son didn’t mean to…”

“I know, I know,” Geoffrey replied. “Ugh… Even though that hurt like hell…”

He then mumbled something about why Tristan had to pick up that particular habit.

“But I say again, what are you doing in here?” Geoffrey continued.

“I’m real sorry, Sir Geoffrey…” Tristan said again with a frown, his gaze going to the floor. “Papa told me to try not to hit people with the flag…”

“I’m sure he did. Don’t you worry much about me. I’ll be fine,” Geoffrey assured the boy, patting him on the shoulder. “You have a mean swing though! You could be as strong as your dad someday!”

“Really? Awesome!”

“Yep! Now your father still has some explaining to do.”

“Yeah…” Kieran admitted, scratching the back of his head. “I apologize, Geoffrey. I was only trying to teach my boy about perfecting his loyalty and patriotism to our great kingdom.”

“I see… So that’s why I thought I heard “Crimea the Beautiful” in here,” Geoffrey realized.

“Yeah!” Tristan added. “I’m learning all about it so it can help me become a Pegasus knight someday!”

“…What? Uh…”

“Geoffrey, don’t even think about it,” Kieran warned. “I had a conversation about that with him.”

“Oh, er, right then. Anyway, Kieran, teaching him about loyalty is fine, but can you try being more careful about it from now on?”

“Ah, yes, for sure,” Kieran agreed. “Again, my apologies.”

“Oh, pay it no mind.”

Before anyone could say anything more, a woman with fairly short pink hair and the same blue eyes as Tristan’s approached, a perplexed look on her face.

“Hey! Kieran, Geoffrey! Is everything okay over here? I thought I heard some commotion,” she said. “Hello, Tristan!”

“Hi, Mama!” Tristan greeted.

“Oh, Marcia. Yes, we’re fine,” Geoffrey assured, though he was still massaging his stomach.

“Okay, but…why are you rubbing your stomach?” Marcia wondered, arching an eyebrow.

“Ah…I’ll tell you later. Right now, I came to discuss celebration plans for the kingdom’s anniversary with you both.”

“Ah, yes!” Kieran realized. “We do have work to do on that! It has to be spectacular!”

“And it will be, of course.”

“Oh, alright then!” Marcia agreed. “Tristan, sweetie, why don’t you go play with Danielle? We’ll meet up with you two later.”

“Okay, Mama! I like playing with her anyway,” Tristan agreed.

“Great idea!” Kieran agreed. “You just remember what we talked about, alright?”

“I will, Papa! Definitely.”

“That’s my boy!”

Kieran then lovingly ruffled his son’s hair.

The group then left the room together and closed the door. Marcia then turned to her husband.

“What did you two talk about, Kieran? I’m curious,” she wondered. “I hope you’re not putting any crazy ideas in Tristan’s head. Because I know you.”

“Oh, of course not, my love!” Kieran assured. “But why don’t we talk about it later? It’s rather personal for him.”

“Oh, I see. I’m alright with that then. I wouldn’t want to make him uncomfortable. That’s why I don’t let Makalov spend much time with him. The numbskull doesn’t seem to care enough anyway.”

“Indeed…”

Kieran then turned to his son again.

“Tristan,” he said. “Long live Crimea! Am I right?”

“Yeah, Papa! Long Live Crimea!” Tristan happily cheered.

This elicited nothing more than chuckles from Geoffrey and Marcia, with the latter also playfully rolling her eyes at her family.

Post-Read Notes:

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- Tristan and Kieran's horse Lancelot are both named after two of King Arthur's Knights of the Round Table. Kieran is like the knightiest of knights, so I had to do this. lol

- Yes, at some point before this story, Kieran was promoted from deputy commander to general and now both he and Geoffrey share the rank.

- "Crimea the Beautiful" is a reference to the patriotic song "America the Beautiful." It isn't the US's national anthem, but it's a pretty song and it was easier to reference than "The Star-Spangled Banner." I think it rolls off the tongue nicely too.

- Damocles is named after the principal in the Miraculous TV show. lol I wasn't sure what else to call him since this guy will probably have little presence in my fics.

- Danielle is Geoffrey's daughter. Yes, he has a wife of his own too, and since my Tellius ficverse has Elincia with Ike, Geoffrey's wife here is another original character who may or may not appear in future stories I post here. Danielle though, I named after my brother who died in 2015 after committing suicide. I thought why not honor him some? I prefer the name Danielle over Daniel, so that's why went that route. Oh yeah, and there's also an actual Daniel in Tellius already too. He's one of the merchant twins.

 

 

Spoiler

Wow. Well first off Kieran's a bit of a massive dick. Celebrating his father and brother being killed while his entire nation is undergoing a brutal invasion. I know they were abusive but that seems incredibly petty at best and borderline psychopathic at worst. That aside, the focus of the story is a bit weird. Tristan  wants to be a pegasus knight and the solution was patriotism? Do pegasus have a keen sense of the division of human societies? It seems like a really bizzare thing to show off to impress a pegasus. And the story ends without any way of showing if this tactic has any merit to it. Feels like it's two stories with the connecting thread being a massive jump.

 

On 7/21/2020 at 1:00 PM, AnonymousSpeed said:

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Why are there no more monsters in Greece?

Simple. Saxton Hale killed them all.

Having hunted the most dangerous animals on Earth to endangerment, Hale had his engineers build a portal to a place with terrifying monsters he could fight. He landed in the Heroic Age, the time of gods and monsters described in Homer, hundreds of years before the Peloponnesian War, and entirely incapable of handling the greatest man Australia ever produced.

As soon as he came through, he found himself in front of a giant dragon with many heads. Also a lake, which was less important.

Hale turned to the great beast and grinned. "Maybe I can finally get a decent challenge. C'm'ere you scaly malformed dinosaur!"

The Hydra reared back one of many heads, then spat a stream of its deadly poison at Saxton Hale. The Australian leapt out of its path, straight towards the beast. A second head shot forth at him, attempting to chomp down on the muscular man, only to be intercepted by his right fist. The unfortunate second head was violently ripped from its neck and shot into the sea like a mortar shell.

Saxton landed on head that had spat poison at him and began gouging out its eyes. It was with some joy Saxton Hale watched two heads regrow near instantly from the biting head's stub. "Oh, now this is really going to be something!"

Saxton jumped from scaly forehead to scaly forehead. The Hydra spat and snapped at its attacker, but was unable to match his nimble bulk, biting and burning itself as its long necks tangled up in each other, more and more until the beast suddenly found its remaining heads knotted up into a single bundle. "I've got you where I want you now," grinned Hale, who jumped off the belly of the dragon and grabbed all the heads at once.

"SAXTON!"

He reached a height so great that the Hydra had been plucked from the lake, dangling helpless as the Aussie reached the peak of his ascent.

"HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALE!"

With a mighty shout, Saxton Hale initiated an even mightier pile drive. The Hydra heads slammed into the ground all at once and vaporized into bloody mist, leaving nothing but a nuclear crater and tiny little neck stubs.

"Let's see if you can regrow heads from that!" shouted Saxton Hale, and was disappointed when it couldn't.

Turning around, he saw a man almost as jacked as himself staring at him.
"Oi mate, Saxton Hale's the name. What can I do for you?"
"I was supposed to kill that Hydra."
"Ah, sorry 'bout that. Killing that scaly abonination was quite the thrill!"
"I brought this torch any everything- do you know how much more work you've caused me, you dick?"

Saxton Hale slapped the man. "You watch how you speak to Saxton Hale! Who are you?"
"I am Hercules," said Hercules haughtily.
A glint shone in Saxton's eye. "The half god warrior with supernatural strength?"
"The same."
"And you've got beef with me?"
"I'm a little ticked off with you right now, yeah."

"Hah! Well then, let's try and settle it with a little competition, eh?" Saxton Hale picked up a boulder, placed it between them, and smashed it with his fist. The stone shattered into the form of a table, afraid to come out as any other shape. "Let's have a little go, then!" Saxton sat at the table and placed his elbow on the table. Herc looked at him strangely. "Come on mate, haven't you ever done a bit of arm wrestling?" Slowly, the demigod mimicked the Aussie's posture, locked hands, and they began their competition. Shockingly and by an act of merciful humor, it did not end right away.

Veins started popping immediately. Sweat formed on taunt skin.

"Looks like you've got some strength in your wrists after all," grinned Saxton Hale. "Not enough to match these Australian muscles, though!"

Hercules felt his hand slam through the stone table and nearly felt that his arm was going to come off.

"That ought to show you to pick a fight with Saxton Hale!" Saxton Hale was beaming. He was proud of himself. "No hippie Greek can match an Australian, yet alone one like Saxton Hale!"

Defeating a demigod didn't quite satisfy Saxton, though. He was feeling a rush of power, and if anything, a sudden violent curiosity about fighting full-blooded gods. He climbed Mount Olympus in twenty minutes flat and kicked down Zeus's door without knocking.

Zeus stared angrily at the man twice his size. "Excuse me, mortal, but I'm trying to cheat on my wife with this fourteen year old boy."
"What is this 'free love' nonsense? I'll kill you, you hippie!"

Saxton Hale grabbed one of Zeus's lightening bolts and shoved it through his chest, then broke his neck for good measure. "Hardly even a challenge!"

He was about to leave when he heard the terrified chattering of teeth. "Oh, the little boy, right," he mumbled. "Sorry you had to see that, lad. Go home and get some rest."

Saxton Hale thought for a moment. "Here, take this rocket launcher. Use it to protect yourself from creeps like that."
"Actually I wanted to be here."
Saxton Hale thought for a moment. "What a bloody awful thing for a child to think. I've got to save these kids from the disgusting hippies who doing this to them."

Thus began the genocide of ancient Greek mythological figures. He beat Medusa at a staring contest and then strangled her with her own snakes. He strangled Apollo with his own harp strings. Just about everyone else he killed in his favorite way though, using his bare hands.

Soon only one Greek god remained, Aphrodite. Saxton walked up to her and cracked his knuckles.

"Why would you kill all those people?" asked Aphrodite.
"Gods aren't people," said Saxton Hale. "I killed them because they were damned hippies poisoning the children."
"You're a monster," said Aphrodite.
"No," said Saxton. "I'm a proud Australian. Proud Australians are hunters, not predators!" Then he killed her.

He then killed a bunch of discord moderators.

 

It's a bit hard to judge farce. But I'll do it anyway. For most of the story I was thinking "Hmm, where's the patriotism angle," sure there were a few references to Australia, but they felt slightly shoved in. Then the hunters not predators line came and everything fell into place. The very sudden genocide of Greek mythological line got a light chuckle from me with how suddenly it escalated things. Most of it fell a little flat for me though with its reliance on randomness and Mary Sueness. Which I acknowledge is entirely the point. It just didn't really work for me. Refer back to my first line of this critique.

 

Edited July 23, 2020 by Jotari

[Jotari]

Well Serenes won't let me edit my previous post, and not in the normal error message way, but in a new you can't even open the dialogue box way. So double posting this.

On 7/19/2020 at 7:40 AM, Azure loves his Half Elves said:

Finally, an entry.

The Corrupted Pride:

Fandom: Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Words: 1,979

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1GajmzhDeCr4DPgSBjTwJOqxdS2S1gvdGefiEBP_r56Y/edit

This I think is a great idea for this prompt. However it's not much more beyond the basic idea, and the way its presented means it relies extremely heavily on familiarity with the material for any of it to connect.

On 7/19/2020 at 2:36 PM, SoulWeaver said:

It's fricking glorious, the best part is apparently they got Zero's VA to voice him for this one, meaning Zero has now officially called X a 'baby boobop' because dangit, if the VA does it it must be canon.

Shut up, however simpy Helltaker is as a game Vitality is absolutely banging plus it's a puzzle game so it gets a pass for being an actually interesting unique spin on the genre. Malinka also gets points for stating Heroes III is the greatest strategy game of all time, which is just objective fact. If you must know, I was actually listening to a mix of Vitality and the song 8-bit by Mind.In.A.Box, but I hesitate to link it because the video itself is composed of fan-made memes, which include Lucifer getting wedgie'd because internet. Tune is awesome, video...eh, 0:43 and 0:54 are about the only parts I really like(bar the buff skeleton dancing in the corner through the whole thing), 0:43 because memes and 0:54 because that's a pretty accurate sibling interaction there. If anyone's really interested in hearing it they can look it up, but I'm not linking it on here.

Meanwhile, three Game Theories, a JonTron, and a game night with missionaries later, I present this...whatever it is. Ends kind of abruptly and it's rather short, but it's freaking 25 minutes to midnight, my family's waiting on me for scriptures, you get the idea. Immediately thought of these two upon hearing the prompt and I'm glad nobody else has got to them.

Did you copy and paste this from a word document into google docs? Because some paragraph indents would be really, really nice and I know they can sometimes disappear when pasting into google docs. That aside, this is a nice conversation, but aside from giving Clive some democratic (not in the American party sense, in the actual democratic sense, who's bright idea was it to have the two major parties of a Democratic Republic called the Democrats and the Republicans!?) musings it doesn't really provide much more than what's already in Shadows of Valentia. Written well enough, but pretty insubstantial in terms of actual content.

  

On 7/18/2020 at 6:24 PM, TheSilentChloey said:

Ah, screw it.

Title: Insert Something Stupid Here ffs.

Words: 1,419

Fandom: Fire Emblem Heroes

Entry:

  Reveal hidden contents

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1YNg_rYDOSxGloEpeK-SkMxQCgC150DJBpUxmL1tmvKQ/edit?usp=drivesdk

I scratched the surface.  And no, I didn't throw shade at anyone from here.

This is a bit of a weird one. Alphonse really has no concept in which to approach the issue at hand here. Said issue also just gets sort of pushed to the side unceremoniously for the rest of the story to just be the daily life of heroes. That last aside about Formotiis is also inserted kind of awkwardly. It's a nice scene but to go into such detail including a conversation while maintaining the past perfect tense in such away felt off. Would rather see such a scene related in a more normal way.

 

 

[Azure the Scale Tipper]

2 hours ago, Jotari said:

This I think is a great idea for this prompt. However it's not much more beyond the basic idea, and the way its presented means it relies extremely heavily on familiarity with the material for any of it to connect.

I’ve had a thought in the back of my mind that I may not have focused on the prompt enough, as it was mostly back-loaded. However, I did not realize that it was that reliant on others knowing the material. I wonder how I can make something more accessible next time?

[Jotari]

9 minutes ago, Azure loves his Half Elves said:

I’ve had a thought in the back of my mind that I may not have focused on the prompt enough, as it was mostly back-loaded. However, I did not realize that it was that reliant on others knowing the material. I wonder how I can make something more accessible next time?

Well this is somehwat always going to be the case when writing fanfiction, as that is the strength of fanfiction, you can create an original story with an already established world and characters that people will be familar with. The thing for this story is that it gives basically zero background on the conflict in question and even the characters. Instead it's just a snap shot of their lives, right in the middle without reinforcement propping it up. This can be fine if you're basically expecting everyone who's read it to be familiar with it and want it to serve as a sort of addition to the existing game, but as a stand alone work it just doesn't. Stand alone that is. Compare and contrast Ana's entry where we don't really need to be familiar with Tellius at all. All we need to know is that apparently Pegasi exist and don't except male riders. Who Kieran is and his history isn't directly relevant to the story at hand.

[Anacybele]

12 hours ago, Jotari said:

Wow. Well first off Kieran's a bit of a massive dick. Celebrating his father and brother being killed while his entire nation is undergoing a brutal invasion. I know they were abusive but that seems incredibly petty at best and borderline psychopathic at worst. That aside, the focus of the story is a bit weird. Tristan  wants to be a pegasus knight and the solution was patriotism? Do pegasus have a keen sense of the division of human societies? It seems like a really bizzare thing to show off to impress a pegasus. And the story ends without any way of showing if this tactic has any merit to it. Feels like it's two stories with the connecting thread being a massive jump.

Wow, can you be any more disrespectful here? You could have worded some of this less rudely.

First, Kieran is not celebrating his father and brother being dead, he's celebrating the fact that he proved them blatantly wrong about him. And even if he was celebrating their deaths, he's got every right to since they emotionally abused him. I hate when people throw the "they're your family" excuse for situations like this. A toxic family member is still toxic. They don't automatically deserve respect just for sharing some DNA. I think Chloey can relate here, I recall her saying her parents, or at least her mother, were horrible to her. You going to say she should stand there and respect them anyway? Kieran doesn't have to be sad that two people who made him miserable are dead. And furthermore, he DID say he wouldn't act the way he did about the deceased in the future.

Second, did you even read the story? It isn't patriotism that's being used as a solution to create a male Pegasus knight, it's loyalty. Patriotism and loyalty are not exactly the same thing. Patriotism specifically is being loyal to a nation. Plain loyalty is plain loyalty, whether it's to a country, a specific person, or in this case, a Pegasus. And Pegasi clearly must have some reason that they typically only allow females to ride them, so they must have some keen sense of something. Also, the story mentions that the anniversary of Crimea's founding is soon, so that's another reason Kieran is teaching his son about patriotism and loyalty.

Simply put, I cannot agree with your critique here, even though I do appreciate your efforts.

Oh yeah, Soulweaver asked me to let y'all know that he's unable to post right now since he got a warning and doesn't want to acknowledge said warning yet.

Edited July 23, 2020 by Anacybele

[Ottservia]

16 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

First, Kieran is not celebrating his father and brother being dead, he's celebrating the fact that he proved them blatantly wrong about him. And even if he was celebrating their deaths, he's got every right to since they emotionally abused him. I hate when people throw the "they're your family" excuse for situations like this. A toxic family member is still toxic. They don't automatically deserve respect just for sharing some DNA. I think Chloey can relate here, I recall her saying her parents, or at least her mother, were horrible to her. You going to say she should stand there and respect them anyway? Kieran doesn't have to be sad that two people who made him miserable are dead. And furthermore, he DID say he wouldn't act the way he did about the deceased in the future.

Personally, I somewhat agree with Jotari here. This is kinda what I meant when I said you should’ve integrated it more organically. Unlike Jorari though I don’t necessarily mind the idea you were trying to go for there but it definitely could’ve used more nuance. The death of a even a toxic family member is hard for anyone. As toxic as they are they’re still family. It’s a weird feeling to have to deal with for anyone. Again you could’ve handled with a little more nuance rather than just saying he jumped with glee when he heard the news. That’s not necessarily a “bad” reaction mind you just that it feels shallow in its execution if that makes sense

Edited July 23, 2020 by Ottservia

[Anacybele]

11 minutes ago, Ottservia said:

Personally, I somewhat agree with Jotari here. This is kinda what I meant when I said you should’ve integrated it more organically. Unlike Jorari though I don’t necessarily mind the idea you were trying to go for there but it definitely could’ve used more nuance. The death of a even a toxic family member is hard for anyone. As toxic as they are they’re still family. It’s a weird feeling to have to deal with for anyone. Again you could’ve handled with a little more nuance rather than just saying he jumped with glee when he heard the news. That’s not necessarily a “bad” reaction mind you just that it feels shallow in its execution if that makes sense

I see, but I guess I have a bit of a different mindset then. Because if a family member abused me repeatedly, I don't think I'd be sad at all if they died. And also, I forgot to mention that Kieran said he'd have rather them changed their ways instead of get killed, so it isn't like he wanted them dead.

Edited July 23, 2020 by Anacybele

[Ottservia]

1 minute ago, Anacybele said:

I guess I have a bit of a different mindset then. Because if a family member abused me repeatedly, I don't think I'd be sad at all if they died. And also, I forgot to mention that Kieran said he'd have rather them changed their ways instead of get killed, so it isn't like he wanted them dead.

You’re kinda misunderstanding what I was trying to say. I’m not saying it’s wrong for him to react that way. Again it’s a very complex feeling and everyone is going to react differently to that kind of situation but the you the way you handled it lacked depth. Like he just kinda says like he’s more so just speaking to the reader more so than he is to tristan. Like it’s as if you realized the implications as you were writing and just wrote a quick sentence to fix it. Like the conversation just kinda comes to a halt just to explain that and tristan’s reaction doesn’t make much sense either in the way you structured it. Like if Kieran had just plainly said “oh my brother and father are dead” or Y’know something along those lines then tristan said “that’s terrible, I didn’t mean to make you feel sad” and then have Kieran responded with something like “Don’t worry I’m not too sad about it, we weren’t really on the best of terms anyway in fact I’m somewhat happy they’re gone”. Like that would’ve been much better because the conversation flows a lot more naturally rather than just halting it outright to clumsily info dump exposition to the reader

[Anacybele]

1 minute ago, Ottservia said:

You’re kinda misunderstanding what I was trying to say. I’m not saying it’s wrong for him to react that way. Again it’s a very complex feeling and everyone is going to react differently to that kind of situation but the you the way you handled it lacked depth. Like he just kinda says like he’s more so just speaking to the reader more so than he is to tristan. Like it’s as if you realized the implications as you were writing and just wrote a quick sentence to fix it. Like the conversation just kinda comes to a halt just to explain that and tristan’s reaction doesn’t make much sense either in the way you structured it. Like if Kieran had just plainly said “oh my brother and father are dead” or Y’know something along those lines then tristan said “that’s terrible, I didn’t mean to make you feel sad” and then have Kieran responded with something like “Don’t worry I’m not too sad about it, we weren’t really on the best of terms anyway in fact I’m somewhat happy they’re gone”. Like that would’ve been much better because the conversation flows a lot more naturally rather than just halting it outright to clumsily info dump exposition to the reader

Well, either way, I see. I suppose that does sound somewhat better.

[Ottservia]

1 hour ago, Anacybele said:

Well, either way, I see. I suppose that does sound somewhat better.

Exposition is always a tricky thing and something that’s a lot easier said than done to deliver. Generally, when it comes to exposition I like to break it up and deliver it in as many different ways as I can like flashbacks, internal thought, dialogue, etc. that way it’s not just one giant block of text solely for the sake of the reader understanding shit. Like you don’t want to write it in a way that feels like the characters are talking directly to the reader(it can work in some instances like first person stories for instance but even then). You usually wanna write it in a way that the characters are talking to each other or themselves. Also my personal rule of thumb is that I try to explain things in as few words as possible. 
 

just a general description of a character’s outfit, the way they react to certain words or phrases, the way they carry themselves, how they describe certain things or events can do wonders to help deliver exposition in more organic ways. Like you don’t really need to explain that a character is grieving over dead family member when you have a scene of them standing in front of a tomb stone. That just kinda speaks for itself as to what’s happening.

Anywho, I’m gonna deliver more feedback:

@Jotari

Not bad, I quite enjoyed the idea you were trying to explore here. Questioning the legitimacy of some old outdated laws on what defines a citizen and who has the right to call themselves an American. It’s an interesting take on the prompt that I quite enjoyed. It definitely feels a bit rushed in certain areas but overall it’s pretty good. I’d definitely read a continuation of this story anyway maybe even a full blown novel of the concept. It’s an interesting idea that’s worth exploring.

@SoulWeaver

I’ve made my opinion on SoV’s story clear by now but this isn’t bad and really does build off of the themes the original story was trying to go for(but failed utterly to do so). One interesting thing to note here is the inherent contradiction in Fernand’s ideals. He says the ideals are the most important thing that makes a leader but ideals aren’t inherit to bloodline which is a point of conflict in SoV’s actual story. Overall not bad. I enjoyed though it did feel a tad rushed but whatever.

Edited July 23, 2020 by Ottservia

[TheSilentChloey]

@Jotari

Lemme clarify something rq about Ana's entry, since as she's said I do have some experience here.

 

1.  (This is important) DNA does not decide your family, you do.  You choose who you consider your family, genetics are meaningless.

 

My biological mother treated me like shit my entire childhood and was the most toxic bitch in existence.  If she died and I was ever told she was dead, I wouldn't even cry, there would be no sadness for her because as far as I am concerned the world is a better place without her and her toxicity to leech off of me.  Emotional abuse is no joke, you've clearly never had a truly emotionally abusive relationship/person in your life.  It's fucking horrible and it's on par with bullying, again pulling the assumption card here, so if I'm wrong that's fine.

 

So what you're basically saying, is that I (or someone who has had just as bad if not worse abuse by their so called parents), after all of the abuse she's done to me and abuse she's allowed to happen to me, should feel some form of sadness for her when she's never once apologised for her actions?!  Because of some arbitrary thing like me sharing genetic material with that bitch?!  Are you fucking insane?!

 

It's like that stupid thing where it's said to only speak well of the dead.  Does death automatically make everything right?!  Fuck no!  I'm sorry for the strong language but this is a raw nerve for me.  I will never speak well of a woman that spent my entire childhood and even adult life emotionally abusing me just because we share genetics and she's dead.  She was dead to me the last time we spoke, and while I worry about my half siblings, she is not my mother, and she never will be.  I don't give a fuck that she birthed me, that doesn't make you a mother.  What makes you a mother is your willingness to love and care for a child.  Nothing else.

 

Sorry again for all this heavy stuff, I know this is a very heavy topic to discuss, but I wanted to make a perfectly clear example so that we all can understand just how serious this is.

 

This isn't a topic that should be taken lightly.

 

That said, any self help/therapy says to cut all toxicity out of your life, no matter who/what it is.  Just a note.

 

As for my story and response, I prefer the more subtle approach, the conversation was more casual and meant to be slice of life, plus give a dual reference in a way.

 

Eta: Yes I called my biological mother a bitch, she aptly is, and that is the least horrible way I could have referred to her as cow is too weak.

Edited July 23, 2020 by TheSilentChloey

[Anacybele]

Yep. Chloey pretty much summed up how I feel about that subject better than I ever could have.

I've never had a family member be so awful to me, but one was toxic to another. My uncle is a former Marine, and he's had three kids, one daughter and two sons. He was deployed literally on the battlefield in Desert Storm/Shield in the Persian Gulf War and these days, he has mental issues, including PTSD, like a lot of military folks who went to war end up having. But his older son, who as a kid I knew to be pretty fun, decided to start being a complete asshole to him, including destroying everything he had left from his days in the Marines. He also once called my grandpa and was very rude to him after he wouldn't give him money. I will never be sad if he dies, despite the good memories, even if they are few, I have of him when we were kids. I will not even call him my cousin anymore. As far as I'm concerned, he's already dead. My uncle already has enough problems, he did not need this, especially from his own kid. I know he was not a bad father either, because his other two kids are great. His daughter is very successful and has a family of her own and his younger son has had a good life too. His younger son was friends with my younger brother before the latter died.

In fact, I'd say a child being toxic to a parent has to be one of the worst, if not the worst kind of toxicness in family. A parent would typically try their damndest to raise their child right, and if that child turns into a complete dick regardless of all that effort, that parent is left wondering where they went wrong and why this has happened. And what they did to deserve this.

Edited July 23, 2020 by Anacybele

[Dragoncat]

I suppose I will add my own example, but it affects me even less than Ana's example.

The man I call my uncle has a horrible bitchy ex wife. She's a bitch, a slut, and a golddigger. She taught her younger daughter to hate my cousin and called said cousin a dirtbag. She hates my aunt for making my uncle happy. When my cousin's first daughter was on the way, she said that he "knocked up" some girl and sneered and put him down. At the same time, she was pregnant by her boyfriend while still married to her at the time husband. One of the men she was with after my uncle apologized to him personally after he saw the light. She will manipulate men into thinking she does no wrong, my uncle will never see his two daughters again, he spent years paying child support for daughters he was not allowed to see that this bitch would hoard likely for things other than what its intended purpose was. She lies about her income so she can get welfare. She moves all over to avoid getting caught. My uncle has wished she would die before his girls turned eighteen so he would have a chance at salvaging them, but it is too late. They have become their mother.

I never met her, but I hate her. I hate her for how she treats my aunt and my uncle. She used to be part of my aunt and my mom's friend group, but that was putting on a show. She's incredibly toxic.

Oh, and my cousin's first daughter? Very well loved and in a safe family. I probably cannot say the same for the baby the bitch had.

While I like to believe that all people have good in them, stories like this might make me doubt.

[Jotari]

7 hours ago, Anacybele said:

Wow, can you be any more disrespectful here? You could have worded some of this less rudely.

First, Kieran is not celebrating his father and brother being dead, he's celebrating the fact that he proved them blatantly wrong about him. And even if he was celebrating their deaths, he's got every right to since they emotionally abused him. I hate when people throw the "they're your family" excuse for situations like this. A toxic family member is still toxic. They don't automatically deserve respect just for sharing some DNA. I think Chloey can relate here, I recall her saying her parents, or at least her mother, were horrible to her. You going to say she should stand there and respect them anyway? Kieran doesn't have to be sad that two people who made him miserable are dead. And furthermore, he DID say he wouldn't act the way he did about the deceased in the future.

 

I'm not saying DNA defines you or that being family is an excuse for bad behavior, just that literally celebrating their death, as in wanting to shout huzzah they're dead is at best petty and at worst psychopathic. Ottservia's alternate lines presented above with the "I'm not so sad" after the fact comes off far better than saying in the moment upon first hearing the news (in a event where hundred to thousands of other people would have died too) the inital reaction was "I'm right and your wrong because now you're dead."

7 hours ago, Anacybele said:

Second, did you even read the story? It isn't patriotism that's being used as a solution to create a male Pegasus knight, it's loyalty. Patriotism and loyalty are not exactly the same thing. Patriotism specifically is being loyal to a nation. Plain loyalty is plain loyalty, whether it's to a country, a specific person, or in this case, a Pegasus. And Pegasi clearly must have some reason that they typically only allow females to ride them, so they must have some keen sense of something. Also, the story mentions that the anniversary of Crimea's founding is soon, so that's another reason Kieran is teaching his son about patriotism and loyalty.

 

Some from of reason sure, but understanding the complex socio political issues of humans seems a bit beyond what any creature without direct communication could understand. How is the pegasus to know where Crimea begins and Daein ends or that one song is praising Crimea while another song is celebrating the Winter Festival. If you were in an alien world with an alien civilization how would you know the first thing about what they're celebrating unless it coincidentally mirrored your own experiences exactly?

I'm not attempting to be rude here by the way, this just is my reaction to the story.

[TheSilentChloey]

12 minutes ago, Jotari said:

I'm not saying DNA defines you or that being family is an excuse for bad behavior, just that literally celebrating their death, as in wanting to shout huzzah they're dead is at best petty and at worst psychopathic. Ottservia's alternate lines presented above with the "I'm not so sad" after the fact comes off far better than saying in the moment upon first hearing the news (in a event where hundred to thousands of other people would have died too) the inital reaction was "I'm right and your wrong because now you're dead."

Some from of reason sure, but understanding the complex socio political issues of humans seems a bit beyond what any creature without direct communication could understand. How is the pegasus to know where Crimea begins and Daein ends or that one song is praising Crimea while another song is celebrating the Winter Festival. If you were in an alien world with an alien civilization how would you know the first thing about what they're celebrating unless it coincidentally mirrored your own experiences exactly?

I'm not attempting to be rude here by the way, this just is my reaction to the story.

You clearly do not know about the monsters of this world who deserve their deaths to be treated with such disdain as people singing and dancing about it.  That isn't petty or rude, it's what those people deserve.

[Jotari]

Just now, TheSilentChloey said:

You clearly do not know about the monsters of this world who deserve their deaths to be treated with such disdain as people singing and dancing about it.  That isn't petty or rude, it's what those people deserve.

I understand that if someone is dead to you then your reaction should be a complete and utter lack of care at their actual death.

[Anacybele]

21 minutes ago, Jotari said:

I'm not saying DNA defines you or that being family is an excuse for bad behavior, just that literally celebrating their death, as in wanting to shout huzzah they're dead is at best petty and at worst psychopathic. Ottservia's alternate lines presented above with the "I'm not so sad" after the fact comes off far better than saying in the moment upon first hearing the news (in a event where hundred to thousands of other people would have died too) the inital reaction was "I'm right and your wrong because now you're dead."

Kieran didn't shout "they're dead" though, he shouted "who's the useless one now?" Because he proved he was far more useful than they in the end.

All I can really think of in response to your post...

[Jotari]

4 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Kieran didn't shout "they're dead" though, he shouted "who's the useless one now?" Because he proved he was far more useful than they in the end.

All I can really think of in response to your post...

Well he also said huzzah and the reason they were useless is because they both died.