Love and relationships

[pinkbubblegum]

My stance is that if I happen to really click with someone and they reciprocate, then great, but I don't actively seek it. I'm certainly happy with my current significant other and wouldn't have it another way, but say if I didn't have one, I'm not going to try and find one. I will do my best to maintain a healthy relationship while I'm in one it is important to me that my SO and I are happy with stuff, but if I'm not in one having one is of no importance to me. I have more important things to do.

Basically I just let it be. If it happens great if it doesn't no big deal.

Yeah, pretty much how I feel about relationships as well! It honestly... flies over my head when some people act as though being in a relationship is a dire need. It's not exactly the be all and end all of life, right? I mean if you find someone you enjoy spending time with, and it's something they feel about you as well then that's really great! But if you haven't found that person yet then no need to worry and make a big fuss over it.

I believe all things happen in due time, there's no need to rush. Life has so many other things to offer and love's just one out of thousands of things out there c:

[Junkhead]

Some people say that good relationships are like a warzone.

And yet they're in them.

[Excellen Browning]

Yep. Maybe we should conclude that war is fun, based on the evidence subjected.

[Magical CC]

Love changed me...for worse. I am no longer chasing serious relationship. For now, I live for myself and only go out with my buddies. I can play pokemon as much as I want, I can spend time to take care of myself and have money to buy what I want, for me.

I can spend time to chill out with my friend and go to cinema with them in 14/2 if I have to. I still believe in true love but I like to witness it happens more than being a part of it.

"if it happens let it happen, but I'm not looking for one atm" - by Helios.

[peener weener]

do tell more

Just a dumb in joke

[Brendor]

I go with the general consensus that it's not something you actively seek for. Honestly worry about yourself instead of others until you're comfortable in your own life: stable living conditions (not parents house), stable career, stable social life or hobbies or whatever. You can't take care of other people if you can't take care of yourself.(even though my sex ed teacher doesnt agree but shes a psychopathic bitch anyways >.<) Also you need to get into a relationship for the proper reason. You should be sharing your happiness with the other person not getting your happiness from that person but now I believe I'm rambling. Boney focus on making one or two good friends that you really can trust and talk to etc. If there really is no like that than I suggest outsourcing. Just my take :D

[deleted35362]

Enough with the quotes and this. Next person who does that gets a warn. Either contribute your own content or stay silent.

Thanks, Eclipse. I don't want to seem like an entitled jerk, but I want to hear people's personal thoughts, not a tally of how many people agree with a general idea, guys.

Boney focus on making one or two good friends that you really can trust and talk to etc. If there really is no like that than I suggest outsourcing. Just my take :D

I've already made some good online friends, so I'm not all hopeless.

[Original Alear]

When I think about my experiences, I feel what I now think of as love independently of actually talking to or really having 2-way interaction with other people. It's more the result of introversion and biased soul-searching.

It's weird to realize that I passed up what I can best call "probable opportunities" for a significant other in the past, but that kind of thing does make me wonder if I am actually being sincere if I say I mostly don't want relationships like that...?

[Brendor]

I've already made some good online friends, so I'm not all hopeless

I never said you're hopeless. I'm just suggesting you worry about yourself and your friendships and not worry about relationships or lack there of. But then again I'm just a random guy on the internet sooo...

[Sunwoo]

From what I've observed, you can't go looking for a relationship, nor can you force it. They'll come to you eventually, and when it does come to you, don't rush it or treat it like things are going to be different. You have to remember why you fell for that person in the first place. If you suddenly can't act natural the way you did before you and that person were in a relationship, or if it's the other person who is doing so, that's when you need to pause and think things through.

Also, even if you're pretty certain you may have feelings for someone, and even if that person feels the same for you, don't rush it and don't jump into a relationship. Feelings are fickle things. Sometimes, you enjoy the company of a person so much that you think that you love them. If you decide to tell the person how you feel, don't rush into things. Take some time to see if the feelings remain before deciding that you want a relationship with this person. If you two are already friends, there's nothing wrong with staying friends, if a relationship appears to not be in sight. And most importantly, if this person and you are already friends, ask yourself: what can I get out of a relationship with this person that I cannot get out of friendship?

[Grace]

Relationships, at least from my (limited) experience, work better when you don't try and define it, or when it forms.

Consider, I tried to do the conventional "ask girl out after some time" method, it doesn't really make for a good relationship. I got rejected, and we started moving our separate ways (mind you, teenage years and all that, so maybe it was going to happen anyway). At that point, I just didn't actively go hunting for a relationship, maybe because of bitterness, but also probably due to the fact that it was more logical. Like a relationship is a big timesink, and I didn't exactly have a load of time to spare back then.

Many of my friends' relationships that formed in high school have pretty much crumbled by now; it's been two years and I can't think of a single one that is still a thing today. Some split due to distance, others because of forming personality clashes. In either case, they were still more short-term and didn't quite seem so meaningful.

So where does this lead from here? Well, going back to my opening statement, I can't actually pinpoint the exact date that my current relationship (Well, if you can call it that. We can't define exactly what it is ourselves.) formed. Sure as hell can't complain; I'm happy with what I have. We talk each day not out of obligation, but from what we mean to each other.

I also do happen to be in a long-distance relationship, which maybe lends itself to a completely different dynamic. I can understand that the circumstances can change how a relationship interacts and resolves. I know I few other people who have been in a "long"-distance relationship (Context: Still within the same state, at worst about a 5 hour drive. Compare to how I can't easily see my significant other at all.) and those relationships started breaking at the seams due to the distance. I'm not completely privy to all the details, but sometimes distance can be cruel, even if it a short "long" distance.

Sometimes to others (and this is where I lie), distance only serves to make a strengthened relationship, as you cherish all the little interactions because it may be all you have to remember them through the long days.

[Junkhead]

Yep. Maybe we should conclude that war is fun, based on the evidence subjected.

While apparently violence and acts of bad moral posture may be because they are "bored", it's not actually fun.

[Dark Sage]

Yep. Maybe we should conclude that war is fun, based on the evidence subjected.

I guess you could say

*puts on shades*

all's fair in love and war.

[Ansem]

I'm going to be a senior next fall, and in my three years of High School, this topic has appeared a lot. Personally, I do believe its out there, though I'm not going to out in search of it. I have more important things to do than to look for love. To be fair, it sounds stupid too, I'm 17, why the hell would I need a girlfriend for? In the future, it'd be nice to be in a relationship, but that's not that biggest priority, success is. I don't have any qualms with being alone in the future, as long as I am successful(financially with a decent career, I probably should have mentioned that earlier), I am content. tl'dr, love is nice, but it shouldn't be a necessity.

[Steampunk]

Sure, love is real. It just doesn't happen overnight. Many people confuse liking a person for actually loving them, then feel betrayed when the infatuation doesn't go anywhere. That doesn't mean love doesn't exist. It means you need to learn how to tell if you get along with someone or if you genuinely care about them.

[Wizard]

I always used to gently ridicule other people's relationships. You know the ones: The ones that last a day and are ended by a text message with bad grammar.

I know this girl who is constantly hugging other boys in the class. (Luckily, my friendship group is unaffected, and so am I.) She used to go out with this guy who was a known smoker, and possible drug-user. What a great guy.

An old friend of mine is currently going out with a girl who used to go out with him before. The reason for the break-up? SHE kissed HIM, then she said they were taking it too fast...

He's constantly showing off to her, talking about her, and bringing up embarassing past events involving me and telling her about them. He's basically traded all of his friends for a fragile relationship.

[Esau of Isaac]

Known smoker? Maybe does drugs? WHAT A DEVIL

[Phoenix Wright]

I know this girl who is constantly hugging other boys in the class. (Luckily, my friendship group is unaffected, and so am I.) She used to go out with this guy who was a known smoker, and possible drug-user. What a great guy.

As Esau humorously points out, a smoker and "possible" drug-user (which is mostly likely just pot, no big deal at all), is by no means a bad person, contrary to your harsh judgments.

And it's also not a big deal for a girl to hug someone. Or a lot of people.

From your tone, and events described above, I'd imagine you are all quite young. If this is the case, don't worry--none of it will matter by next year (if not even earlier than that). If not, then it's probably for the best that you mature a little further relative to relationships.

[Wizard]

I know it won't matter by next year. That's why I find it funny; my friend takes his relationships too... Seriously, I guess. He scowls at his girlfriend's ex-boyfriends and is constantly going on about what they did over the weekend.

As for the smoker, smoking is a big deal in the UK. He hardly goes to school and has violent outbursts when he does, and the teachers are saying that it's down to his smoking. I couldn't care less about any of it, to be honest.

Back to the original topic: All in all, I've had a rather bad experience when it comes to love. People seem to think that if you haven't had a heterosexual relationship at school, then you must be homosexual.

They just don't realize I'm waiting for the right girl to come along.

Edited July 7, 2013 by TheWarpedWizard

[Tryhard]

As for the smoker, smoking is a big deal in the UK. He hardly goes to school and has violent outbursts when he does, and the teachers are saying that it's down to his smoking. I couldn't care less about any of it, to be honest.

For some reason that's how the UK works.

The sad part is that smoking is considered the worst thing evar in school if they catch you, and then when you actually are allowed to smoke, still taxing the shit out of you. And enjoy your lungs.

I judge people who smoke to be poor decision-makers, not automatically bad people.

As for the topic: asexual woot. Maybe eventually something will come along.

Edited July 7, 2013 by Kelsper

[Wizard]

I'd only say a smoker was a bad person if they were pregnant or something.

[Rewjeo]

Back to the original topic: All in all, I've had a rather bad experience when it comes to love. People seem to think that if you haven't had a heterosexual relationship at school, then you must be homosexual.

They just don't realize I'm waiting for the right girl to come along.

I'm fortunate enough to go to a ridiculously nerdy school where a sizable chunk of the student body doesn't date and hasn't even kissed anyone. Which is handy because it means nothing comes of my complete and utter lack of desire for a relationship.

[Shin]

Too many people try to judge their own value by whether they're in a relationship or not. Girls aren't prizes or items that you can acquire.

My personal stance is to be open but not exhausting myself searching for someone. Sometimes it's even someone you didn't expect. I've been friends with most of the girls that I've been involved with for years before anything romantic began to appear. The way I see relationships is an extension of friendship. How can you love someone you don't like?

[BEST TRYNDAMERE PLAYER]

as a person that's dated 4 girls over the past 3 years(with my first relationship lasting 2 years so basically make it 5 consecutive years of being in relationships) i will say this: there's also a bright side to being single.

[Anacybele]

I don't know why I never looked at this thread sooner. xP

Those of you saying love is uncommon, I don't believe that. Almost everyone I know is either married or has a lover, and almost every day, I see at least one couple or someone with a wedding band on their left ring finger. Most of my co-workers are married. Most of my family members are married or have boyfriends/girlfriends.

I feel like I'm having love thrown in my face all of a sudden, like some imaginary bully is telling me "they all have love and you don't! Bwahaha, you poor lonely girl!"

I'm serious. It's no wonder I've grown so envious and jealous of all couples these days. I've only ever had one real boyfriend, and even then, I only knew him through the internet, the phone, and the webcam. We were lovers for three years before we ended it for good. He's still my friend, but we drifted too far apart as lovers.

My experiences with having crushes have generally never been great either. Every boy I've crushed on (aside from my single true boyfriend, of course), either rudely rejected me, was already taken, or isn't interested in getting a girlfriend. And every time I bring up my shitty love life to someone, they just say "you'll find the right guy eventually!" Whether it's true or not, it isn't helping me one bit. I'm sick of hearing it and it hasn't been true.

I still have some hope that my future husband really does exist and that I'm fated to spend my life with a loving man, but it slowly shrinks...

Although, my crap love life is also what turned me into a pairing nut when it comes to fiction and video games and such, even real life on occasion (I've been known to tell friends that they'd look cute together with such and such). I want to see my favorite characters succeed in love where I have failed. Same with any real people I "play cupid" with.