Confidence

[Chiki]

hahahahahahaha

I really hope this really happened, but it probably didn't. Still made me lol

It happened but apparently not in the way I described it according to him. He tied his penis to his thigh with a shoelace.

[Phoenix Wright]

that's a dangerous venture.

[Junkhead]

My biggest concern is breaking your penis when you get a good erection, and it happens to be tied to your leg.

[Steampunk]

Think of it this way. Your ancestors were probably uglier than you but somehow managed to convince someone to have sex with them without the benefit of Axe body spray or Barry White. If that doesn't give you confidence, nothing will.

Honestly, it helps if you identify what specifically is causing your low self esteem. Do you think you're just not good at anything? Do you have trouble dating? Figure out what the problem is, then try to fix it. And also remember, fake it until you make it. Yeah, probably not what anyone with poor self esteem was hoping to hear, but acting confident can help some things go your way (which can build legitimate confidence).

Also, bear in mind that high school is the worst place in the known universe to try and build confidence because everyone there is a) underpaid, overstressed staff, b) chemically imbalanced and hormonal, or c) put on a pedestal because they are the star quarterback, won some band competition, etc. Once you get out of high school and spend some time with people who aren't under the stress of school and also aren't going through puberty at the same time, you find the world is a very different place.

Edited November 15, 2013 by Dieselpunk

[Prims]

Boney, the best advice I can give you is that you should be focusing on self-fulfillment over getting laid on looks alone.

Dealing with other people will always require sacrifices on your part. I think at some point you have to accept that if you want to look a way that isn't commonly accepted in society, people won't find you very attractive unless they're open-minded or are specifically into your style. Sincerely being comfortable with your outward appearance is physically attractive no matter what you look like though (due to body language, etc).

Really, it boils down to what's more important to you between people checking you out and being more content looking in the mirror every morning.

also seriously consider smiling at yourself every time you look in the mirror, it makes you feel better about yourself :pseudoscience:

[eclipse]

Either contribute, or keep silent. This is not Far from the Forest.

[Loki Laufeyson]

Actually, most feminists consider chivalry to be sexist, and with a reason. Go ask any feminist out there what they think of chivalry and you will understand what I'm talking about.

Pah. Chivalry shouldnt be gendered at all. In my eyes, chivalry is universal and about common decency/respect toward other human beings in general. I open doors for old men. Fuck the police. If some feminist is going to get up in my dome over being chivalrous, thats their problem. This is one of my raging complaints with feminism and the chivalry debate. IT SHOULDNT BE GENDERED!

As for confidence, finding one's confidence is more often than not, a very personal thing. It took me years to get over my own insecurities and it sure as hell didnt happen overnight. It was me finding where i really belong and how i would fit in the grand scheme of things. Yes, i did have to weed out a lot of negativity in my life and that wasnt easy, but it was worth it. How someone gains confidence is their own journey. There is no easy fix. A person must realize their own failings and seek to improve them. Even if that includes the old "make the best of a situation" type thing. Find your strengths but know your weaknesses. One way i did it was ambivalence as a default. This may not gibe well with most people though because being objective or just plain indifferent until you get the full story of a situation is harder than it sounds. :/ There is more to it than Fuck The Police (but thats my motto anyway). Hard to explain.

Its different for everyone and i find it silly for someone to think they can just fling out answers that may or may not work for someone. This is why i dont like self help books and the like.

[deleted35362]

Boney, the best advice I can give you is that you should be focusing on self-fulfillment over getting laid on looks alone.

Dealing with other people will always require sacrifices on your part. I think at some point you have to accept that if you want to look a way that isn't commonly accepted in society, people won't find you very attractive unless they're open-minded or are specifically into your style. Sincerely being comfortable with your outward appearance is physically attractive no matter what you look like though (due to body language, etc).

Really, it boils down to what's more important to you between people checking you out and being more content looking in the mirror every morning.

also seriously consider smiling at yourself every time you look in the mirror, it makes you feel better about yourself :pseudoscience:

i understand somewhat, but this isn't about sex. the problem--well, relationship wise, is that if someone did in fact like me for who i am(which has actually managed to happen once), the fact that i look like a he-she would probably bug them constantly even if we started a relationship together. or at least, that's what i'd imagine. i've always been single. the other problem being general public reaction.

[dondon151]

It happened but apparently not in the way I described it according to him. He tied his penis to his thigh with a shoelace.

you should warn your friend of the dangers of ischemic penis and ischemic thigh

though one would need a pretty large penis to warrant tying it to the leg, which should preclude confidence issues in the first place!

[Raven]

personally i find success in tucking the end of my erect penis under the beltline. this forces the penis to hug the body, resulting in a far less prominent bulge.

using a shoelace to restrain your erect penis doesn't sound very...safe.

[Chiki]

Obviously all of this is on topic because it's exactly what the thread is about: confidence and finding ways to talk to girls due to low self-confidence. My friend was able to find a partial solution to his problem of low self-confidence by tying his penis to his thigh with a shoelace.

He used this technique for his first girlfriend who he was really nervous around (due to low self-confidence), He tells me that it really helped him, and he didn't feel so embarrassed anymore. It helped his confidence.

personally i find success in tucking the end of my erect penis under the beltline.

And what happens if you stretch and your shirt goes up? Everyone is going to see it.

[Zkirsche]

It's so small that he doesn't have to worry about that.

On topic: IMO this is one of those things that you get used to over time. Be a bit more selfish and believe in yourself just a little bit more.

Edited November 16, 2013 by kirsche

[peener weener]

the problem with being a "nice guy" is that it is so painfully obvious that it's all bullshit you're going through just to get into a girl's pants that it puts people off. it's just a bland act from a desperate fellow and it is not attractive at all. it also generally does not show personality at all. i'm not saying being nice is bad-- being nice is great, it's a plus. just don't be a fucking blob of generically "chivalrous" attitudes that you have become in order to fuck this girl you're talking to. i really don't know how to put it otherwise, but the behaviour i'm talking about is fairly easy to spot out.

this is in response to that couple of posts last page that said being a nice guy gets you nowhere, yeah the guy who made a mess of himself in front of a girl and resents her for rejecting him and the guy who thinks everyone should fuck off shut up

im trying to keep it relevant, <3 eclipse, stay #noided

[Loki Laufeyson]

Oooooo i hate the Nice Guy angle. With a passion of a thousand angry Jotuns.

[Junkhead]

Oooooo i hate the Nice Guy angle. With a passion of a thousand angry Jotuns.

As in, the excuse "nice guys" use when a girl out of their league rejects?

By the way, just to be clear and not offend anyone. By "out of league", I mean a person who very likely doesn't share interests with the other person. There's actually a cool video about the whole, "nice guy" thing.

[Loki Laufeyson]

As in, the excuse "nice guys" use when a girl out of their league rejects?

By the way, just to be clear and not offend anyone. By "out of league", I mean a person who very likely doesn't share interests with the other person. There's actually a cool video about the whole, "nice guy" thing.

Yeah. And the whole "im being nice and your friend just to get in your pants" thing. And these Nice Guys get really UPSET when the lady goes "nah brah, im into someone else" or "im not interested" to the point of either harassing said lady or breaking off the friendship. That shit is just filthy.

[eclipse]

There's a huge difference between being nice because you're a decent person, and being "nice" to get laid. Both speak volumes about the person, but only one is deceptive (and also shows a lack of self-confidence). I think someone else put it (roughly) as "If you're a 'nice guy', then you're not a nice guy."

[Snowy_One]

Also, what about nice girls? Somehow I don't think a lack of confidence is related to men when it comes to talking to women for dates. While such a thing can be stressful to those who lack confidence, its hardly the only time, or limited to the male gender.

[BEST TRYNDAMERE PLAYER]

the problem with being a "nice guy" is that it is so painfully obvious that it's all bullshit you're going through just to get into a girl's pants that it puts people off. it's just a bland act from a desperate fellow and it is not attractive at all. it also generally does not show personality at all. i'm not saying being nice is bad-- being nice is great, it's a plus. just don't be a fucking blob of generically "chivalrous" attitudes that you have become in order to fuck this girl you're talking to. i really don't know how to put it otherwise, but the behaviour i'm talking about is fairly easy to spot out.

this is in response to that couple of posts last page that said being a nice guy gets you nowhere, yeah the guy who made a mess of himself in front of a girl and resents her for rejecting him and the guy who thinks everyone should fuck off shut up

im trying to keep it relevant, <3 eclipse, stay #noided

i have to say this is the best post in this thread. you make me proud <3

[Phoenix Wright]

Also, what about nice girls? Somehow I don't think a lack of confidence is related to men when it comes to talking to women for dates. While such a thing can be stressful to those who lack confidence, its hardly the only time, or limited to the male gender.

it's definitely not exclusive to males.

[Nobody]

There's a huge difference between being nice because you're a decent person, and being "nice" to get laid. Both speak volumes about the person, but only one is deceptive (and also shows a lack of self-confidence). I think someone else put it (roughly) as "If you're a 'nice guy', then you're not a nice guy."

I totally agree with this post. There's nothing more cringe worthy, stupid and hypocritical than guys who complain about not getting laid despite being "nice". No one should be "nice" only to get laid. No one is forced to have sex (or date) anyone else because they were nice to them.

And most of the time, they aren't even nice as they claim. Sometimes they're actually the biggest assholes:

Like this guy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qh5fpbPjgkI

Edited November 16, 2013 by Nobody

[Axie]

Another equally terrible thing about "nice guys" is that when they don't get what they want, they get angry and say "ughhh why does she only date douchebags". How is the other guy necessarily a douche and how is the "nice guy" NOT a douche?

Those people are why I can't read/hear the word "friendzone" without subconsciously judging whoever wrote/said it, as bad as it is to generalize.

[Loki Laufeyson]

it's definitely not exclusive to males.

To be perfectly honest, i have not seen the Distaff Counterpart of the Nice Guy. Im not saying they dont exist, im just saying ive never seen that in action or otherwise. I think its because a lot of women know how it feels to be manipulated that way and wouldnt do the same thing to a guy. Its also easier to be more upfront with a guy. I have a friend whos a dude and im interested in. But im sure as hell not friends with him in order to get the Pay Off. If he starts dating someone, im not going to get my Gungnir in a twist over it. If he isnt interested, he isnt interested. Ya know?

Another equally terrible thing about "nice guys" is that when they don't get what they want, they get angry and say "ughhh why does she only date douchebags". How is the other guy necessarily a douche and how is the "nice guy" NOT a douche?

Those people are why I can't read/hear the word "friendzone" without subconsciously judging whoever wrote/said it, as bad as it is to generalize.

Anyone who uses the "Friendzone" phrase causes me to side-eye said person.

[deleted35362]

He used this technique for his first girlfriend who he was really nervous around (due to low self-confidence), He tells me that it really helped him, and he didn't feel so embarrassed anymore. It helped his confidence.

*rests forehead on right palm while nodding horizontally* even a guy with a constant erection problem and solves it by tying his member down has had a girlfriend and i don't... *shot*

anyway...

the problem with being a "nice guy" is that it is so painfully obvious that it's all bullshit you're going through just to get into a girl's pants that it puts people off. it's just a bland act from a desperate fellow and it is not attractive at all. it also generally does not show personality at all. i'm not saying being nice is bad-- being nice is great, it's a plus. just don't be a fucking blob of generically "chivalrous" attitudes that you have become in order to fuck this girl you're talking to. i really don't know how to put it otherwise, but the behaviour i'm talking about is fairly easy to spot out.

i really hate this...it's such a mess. so basically, being a nice guy to a beautiful girl because you're interested is such a common practce that women know it's really out there. just yesterday afternoon, i rode the bus home with a friend and she was talking to me about what she was feeling upset about(a guy she's interest in kinda playing with her feelings).

i wanted to comfort her. now if she was a good friend like someone i know on the internet to whom we've pretty much already established that there isn't any "interest" between us, things would be okay. i was worried she would think i myself am interested in her if i did so because we aren't very close friends yet. we just ride bus together a couple times a week. and so, i just stuck to giving her plenty of eye contact and letting her know that people understand how she feels and that things would be okay.

the last thing i want is for her to think i'm interested in her because she does look great physically. i wasn't like cold and indifferent, but it did make me feel a little crummy because i know people who comfort me much more than that and it's made me feel really nice. i developed strong feelings of adoration for those people.

Those people are why I can't read/hear the word "friendzone" without subconsciously judging whoever wrote/said it, as bad as it is to generalize.

i really don't like the word friendzone because it implies that the only reason you weren't able to be with your romantic interest is that you weren't assertive or physically attractive enough. i don't think all people are just close-minded enough to simply judge people on things like looks and confidence alone. it's pretty derogatory to think that of a person. and i'm not just talking about girls i'm talking about PEOPLE.

going back to the only girl who's ever liked me(she doesn't know how i look), one day she became a little worried that i had actually put her in the friendzone because i jokingly compared her to a friend who i call my online-sister. now i don't actually remember what i said, but the first thing is that uhm...of course, we're friends NOW. i liked this girl too and i'd actually already told her that, but as desperate for a girlfriend as i ALWAYS sound, i'm never going to hop into a relationship as soon as interest begins to spark. and second, "friendzone" likes to imply this trap that people fall in where you can't get out of. if i had someone as a partner, i'd want a background of only friendship developed with them and i can't be the only one.

[Rapier]

This is something that has bothering me for a while.

I get that most of this forum is in High School and are socially awkward. I was once this way too.

But I don't get why people ask here for help with picking up girls when they know the answer. It all starts with confidence.

So why do people here confuse that with chivalry? Real life isn't like fanfictions or video games. So how do people not get this?

Not really. Saying "Hey, I'm an awesome asshole cause I have a big ass ego and I can achieve anything by feeding my arrogance" doesn't turn you into a badass all of a sudden. People with low confidence also have good reasons for this (they're either socially awkward, they can't think of any good conversations, they find themselves unattractive etc.)

I'd say determination and diligence are the starting point for someone to build up enough confidence and get things done. The reason for them to work their ass off will make them leave their own comfort zone and venture into the big world, building their own character, thus giving good results (or bad results, but at least they'll have experience), raising their confidence quite a bit until they don't feel like crap. They will become better people and build up confidence from the results.

At least this works for me. Sometimes I'm too tough with myself and I use my own estabilished motives to build up the few qualities that I have so I can become better. I never believe I'm good enough at something because I have high standards, so I'd rather die trying to reach them.

the problem with being a "nice guy" is that it is so painfully obvious that it's all bullshit you're going through just to get into a girl's pants that it puts people off.

Way to generalize everyone into the same category. Basically, it falls in the "if you have bad thoughts about something, you are a terrible guy". Thoughts and actions aren't the same thing. Same about impulses and desires that are not fulfilled. We can think and rationalize. You could want to get into a girl's pants (and most people do toward their girlfriend, actually), but that doesn't mean it's your only purpose (you could still love her).

In my opinion, being a "nice guy" translates to some people as "someone who'll do favors for you, sacrifice themselves for you and follow you like a loyal dog until you receive a bone from them", which bugs me. I consider myself a nice guy with some people (as far as they have considered me, at least, I'm no promoting myself), but I also expect SOMETHING back from them. I refuse to be a Woobie like most others are.

But the real question is why would you want a girlfriend? Peer pressure? Companionship? Why? Having a girlfriend isn't like all those stupid movies and like what you see from other people. When you see a random dude with his GF in public you only see a facade. You don't even know if he or she are faithful to each other.

Such a prime example of nihilist/Nietzsche logic. If you are able to love someone, doesn't that imply that someone can also love you on the truest sense? Therefore, the affirmation that a GF is only lying about liking you is fallacious and extreme.

Also, I agree. If you don't trust someone, don't accept them as a GF. Have them prove to you that they value you the same as you value them. That's imperative, but some people don't even consider it.

Edited November 17, 2013 by Rapier