Elieson Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 [spoiler=A precursor]Any time I say "My son", I mean my Step Son, because he's my Wife's son. Any time I say "My daughter" I mean my daughter, because I made her with my wife. I owe 3800$ on my house, plus 3400$ in lawyers/attorneys fees for processing on my foreclosure. It occured due to random circumstances (that some of you may remember me going through over the last two years). I need to either come up with $7500 by Monday, or find a new place to live for my kids and I. My wife, well, she doesn't seem that involved on the options I've come up with. She works, and isn't going to be able to help me out much with the move. I have spent the past week since my return from Florida scrambling to find: A new place to live, a backup plan to extend my foreclosure deadline, means to amass the required funds to prevent this from occurring and coordinating a move. Oh yea, you all know that I'm a dad (the obligatory SF dad, after all). My daughter turned 4 just a few weeks ago, and my son is 12 (Frequents SF, and helped me with a few things in SF Mafia and SF Drafts). I also have 2 jobs (Machinist and Restaurant Manager), plus a sidejob, (graphic designer) that keeps me plenty busy. Mom isn't around to help me on M-Th, and is occasionally available on F to help out, so I'm pretty much up to my eyeballs in endeavors that keep me on my toes at all times. I don't think I'll be able to keep my home that I've had for 4 years. It sucks to lose all this that I have, and I'm really not sure what to do with my family. I've been in contact with my father, and I may be able to temporarily bunk with him in their home until I can find something new, but my wife hates my dad/stepmom, and is pretty much giving me the code to either find a home with her and the kids, or find a home with them and the kids. I'm not really happy with my marriage. Trust issues have been a big deal, especially since we got back "together" this past October. It's been a weird ride, and a midlife crisis on her part has impacted my life pretty intensely. I can't say that one of us is to blame or the other, since we both impact each other's lives, but how she handled herself during her crisis put a huge wedge between us, and it's affected my son's perception of her. Heck, we're in debt, and she spent 600$ on a Teacup Yorkie just three weeks ago, for the "kids", but my son can't stand the dog, and I'm the one who is stuck taking care of it 5 days a week. Plus, while training it, I have to bring it to my day job, which isn't exactly an easy thing to handle. I don't want the thing peeing all over my house... That's not even getting to the part where she spent almost a year dedicating herself to visiting bars and living a life that was so complex, that at one point, her temporary boyfriend was living with us (because I refused to have my children's mother out and about and nowhere to be found). It was a challenge to overcome, and we're I guess over it now I'm not, but she doesn't seem to respond to me saying that I'm not. A lot of our funds were spent, and we almost almost got evicted during that time too. I managed to come up with a solution, but it was only temporary. We were supposed to combine our earnings over the holiday season to pull this temporary solution through and make it into a permanent solution, but someone preferred to spend our savings on other stuff, like a second batch of Christmas/Birthday presents (including the dog). It's a very one-sided thing. I don't feel like I have a say in much that goes on, and it's just not fair. I haven't cuddled in a long time, and I'm a cuddler-kind of guy. I like to watch movies with my signnificant other, but to her, watching it in the vicinity of me (read, she's on one couch and I'm on the other) is what counts. It's not right, and I always end up shrugging and saying "ok" to her requests. When it's my turn to make a suggestion, I'm usually blown off. I'm tired of it. And now, after all this, after fighting through everything; the immigration of her and my son from Canada and the 7 year battle it took, the various family stressors, the passing of grandparents, the sudden leaving my parents' home to live in our current home because of their aggressive involvement in my methods of parenting, having a child of our own, overcoming eviction, and reluctantly getting back together after pretty much being asked a dozen times to do so, I'm losing my home, the one place I feel safe, and I'm wanting to back away from my wife, who's personality and views towards handling onesself in a relationship do not mix well with mine. I love being a dad, but it's about the only thing I have left to count as my own thing, and I don't know what's next. And how can I even hope or plan to think about dating again? If I go back to the single life, it won't be bad, but I'll still be lonely. I'll still miss cuddles. I won't know where I'll even be able to take part in them again. And how many Single fathers-of-two do you see on the eligible bachelor's list that fit near the top? It's great at getting me friendzone'd, and happened a lot during the time that I was single. It's not that bad I guess, but I'd like to have someone who's hand I can hold and smile. Right now, I can't do either, and I haven't in a long while. I'm 25...I can't be asking for that much from a significant other, am I? Maybe my wife and I will work things out then...and then what. Will this happen again? Will I be playing second fiddle and stay-at-home-dad to the boss who doesn't include my feelings in the "family's" feelings? It's been 7 years, and the past 4 have had that as a prime element in our relationship...I don't see it changing anytime soon. Am I to blame? Am I just whining? Should I just get over it? Is this normal? So, in the end, I'm confident that I'll find a way through this. I don't know what the future holds, and I take incredible pride in knowing that I can control the outcome of my future. I've always been all about long-term planning, but now, I don't have control. I'll get it back, but I don't know how or when. I need help. But maybe I don't. Maybe I just need to persevere; keep my eyes forward and my head held high, like I normally do. I have always gone through life forcing myself to be so optimistic, that I actually became that optimism. It was a way of life for me. Being negative never helped me through anything, so I just decided to be positive. It was a nice change, and one that I plan to keep in my life. I needed to share this with you all, because this is where I come to to live. I work 2 jobs and have 2 kids, so I don't do anything else. I have a few friends that I text often enough, but I don't actually do anything with anybody else. This is where I come to find hobbies, to meet new people, to find and make friends, and to park my trust and my feelings. I've made some great friends over the many years I've been here, and well, I just needed to share my life to you, SF, as you and your kin have shared your lives to me. This, SF-goers, is my life, right now. Welcome to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Klokinator Posted January 30, 2014 Share Posted January 30, 2014 Wow, this blows. America is really the land of the free. Free-for-all foreclosures. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elieson Posted January 31, 2014 Author Share Posted January 31, 2014 Ironic point actually, as I bought my home as a foreclosure Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renne Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 ...Wow.... I'm... I'm not sure what to say... But I can't say I really support the idea of you staying with someone you're not even happy with and someone who's caused you all those problems. Then again, I don't...know how all those issues are like so.... I'm so sorry to hear about this.... :< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZemZem Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 ...Elie...you have my condolences... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jedi Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 My prayers will be with you for whatever that amounts to. I can't even imagine being in that situation.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silver Lightning Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 I'm so sorry for all of the hardships you're going through; I thought I had problems, but yours are so much more serious and you'll definitely be in my thoughts and prayers if it counts at all. I hope you can find the strength and the get the help you need to have a happier, better life in the future. And I definitely understand the feeling of having a home here on SF, so please continue to grace us with your presence. :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baldrick Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 That is a terrible situation to be in. I'm sorry for you, man. I hope it all works out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Percivalé Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Elie ilu & I am here for you okay? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makaze Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) Not much point in condescending you with pity, so I'll just say that you seem like a resilient individual who can overcome many hardships. You sound like you may in the middle of a midlife crisis yourself, having failed to hold up on your plans. Will you be more cautious and defensive moving forward, or will you keep on as you have been up to this point? Edited January 31, 2014 by Makaze Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DodgeDusk Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Wow, that's... sorry to hear that, Elie. As others have said, I hope everything turns out the way you want them to, and SF always welcomes you here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlet Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 That sounds tough. Judging from what you're describing, seperating yourself from that woman seems like the right thing to do, even if that means you'll be lonely for a while. No point in clinging to a completely one-sided relationship. Just like you have said yourself, though, things will eventually get better. Things rarely go as planned, but just like there are low points in life, so are there high points. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buttmuncher.ops Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) i don't like you, so this is going to be easier for me to give it to you straight at some point in time you had your manhood cut away from you figuratively and you never found it again. now you're so deep in shit and either more in love with her than she is with you, or you're doing what typical givers do, and going out of your own way and sacrificing your health and priorities for the kids you probably should never had taken responsibility for in the first place (read: because the original decision of marriage was probably not thought very through on your part, not because loving your kids is bad) you're gonna have to fucking man up and cut her loose and take custody of the kids, or you can cut the whole thing loose and be that dad some unfortunate kids have the displeasure of knowing as "he went out for cigarettes one day and never came back into our lives" the decisions up to you but i suggest you start prioritizing what's logical, possible and important for yourself and your progenity as for the money situation and losing the home, that sucks big time. speaking from experience, depending on someone else to help keep your home and home loss all together isn't a pleasant memory to have, and i hope you bounce back p.s. i don't know why you're such a nice fucking guy, but letting a woman (that i would like to think of as my wife) "cheat" for a year on me, then supporting her "temporary boyfriend"? in your own fucking house? are you fucking kidding me? real talk that's a fucking dealbreaker for me, i don't know about you bro, i understand you have kids, and she's the mother of your daughter, but jesus fucking christ have some fucking self respect for yourself instead of being a goddamn doormat i apologize for the profuse language but i just have no other way of expressing my disgust clearly because i'm terrible with feelings Edited January 31, 2014 by black op: skyfang Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ansem Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 have you tried applying for government aid? looks like you could use some right about now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loki Laufeyson Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) .... Being a grown up really fucking sucks sometimes. This is a kind of personal question, but if you were to divorce your wife, could you gain custody of the children? This is a thorny issue regarding the oldest boy, seeing how he's her's, but like, is there a way? Cuz if so, and it being relatively painless, i would suggest divorcing. It may suck, but yeah. If theres a way to work it out between you two, great. But it sounds like that may not be very easy or even eventful. And now you have to look for a new place to live on top of it. Im not sure what housing costs are like in your location, but the US has been having issues with costs lately. Its serious balls. Trying to get a place on such short notice is also shitty. Good luck, mang. Yer so young...like seriously...Its pretty rough when someone so young gets all this heaped on at once. (yeah, 25 is young.) and going out of your own way and sacrificing your health and priorities for the kids you probably should never had taken responsibility for in the first place What? One of those children is his biologically. Come on... Edited January 31, 2014 by Loki Laufeyson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makaze Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) i don't like you, so this is going to be easier for me to give it to you straight at some point in time you had your manhood cut away from you figuratively and you never found it again. Lost all credibility. Edited January 31, 2014 by Makaze Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buttmuncher.ops Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) Lost all credibility. because your definition of a parasite gutting a person's soul isn't the exact same as mine cool story bro do you need the alphabet explained to you everytime you read something too Edited January 31, 2014 by black op: skyfang Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makaze Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 because your definition of a parasite gutting a person's soul isn't the exact same as mine cool story bro Because you used the word 'manhood' to refer to assertiveness and decisiveness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shadowofchaos Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 I have to go do stuff, so I'll read this more thoroughly when I get back rather than just skimming it like I did. But Elie... know that the weeb is praying for you, bud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunwoo Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Damn Elie ... ;/ Hope things work out for you, man, this is a sucky situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buttmuncher.ops Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 Because you used the word 'manhood' to refer to assertiveness and decisiveness. thanks for proving my point of your lack of reading comprehension Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MRDRHAWK Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 nooooooooooo now who will make mafia fun Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Comet Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 I'm so sorry for you Elie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Makaze Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 (edited) thanks for proving my point of your lack of reading comprehension I comprehended fine. Whatever advice you give, if you think the problem is that he is not fitting his assigned gender role, it loses its credibility. You should give gender-neutral advice or give none at all. Edited January 31, 2014 by Makaze Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buttmuncher.ops Posted January 31, 2014 Share Posted January 31, 2014 I comprehended fine. Whatever advice you give, if you think the problem is that he is not fitting his assigned gender role, it loses its credibility. You should give gender-neutral advice or give none at all. this was a great read, thanks again for proving my point and the laughs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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