Screenshot SB plays a POKEMON HACK FROM HELL [Complete!]

[Lance Masayoshi]

he's almost done

[JSND Alter Dragon Boner]

damn the normal route is even more boring than evil route

i'm surprised thats even possible

[Lance Masayoshi]

damn the normal route is even more boring than evil route

i'm surprised thats even possible

i got more fun out of the evil route tbh

[SB.]

there is no fun, there is only rage

[spoiler=MORE STANDING IN PLACE FOR YEARS]

"fuck where do i put the next gym"

wait i'll throw it in your hometown because #yolo instead of putting it in some other shitty city

genius"

NOT LONG ENOUGH

*I

Unfortunately, she came back alive. I'm disappointed too guys.

leanna is so bad at this

rip april thanks for the lapras

So basically Kevin has the Pokemon equivalent of a fake ID now? Seems legit.

You should've never gotten that Pokedex then.

SWORD ART ONLINE III

NOW WITH AN EVEN WORSE PROTAGANIST

actually idk man kirito was pretty bad

So basically... not actually a Pokemon?

I thought their base was on Breeze Island!

Ruby Destiny Episode V: The Weeb Strikes Back

I blame Angellean again. Fuck you fake Kyogre.

nah m9 im just stood here for no reason

But that sounds like effort.

I don't think Jagold is even trying to make gym leaders that aren't blatant rip offs at this point. The eighth badge is even worse at this.

i dont care about these npcs i will never see again don't you worry about that

We'll see about that.

You were saying?

I just realised too, for some reason there's no map sprite of her ace now unlike the first five leaders. Consistency.

I DON'T KNOW HOW THIS THING MANAGES TO FLY BUT DON'T QUESTION IT

Uh... time for a very long surf, anyway.

THE WEEB IS OVERPOWERING

We can't do anything in here right now though, it's just Super Mario 64 endless staircase shit.

IT WAS LIKE TWO UPDATES AGO FOR GODS SAKE WOMAN

WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP SAYING THIS

also how did maylene get here first

I was not aware of the castle shit. Thanks game.

...Or it's just raining? I live in England and you don't see me yelling "WITCHCRAFT" every time I see a fucking raindrop.

another pokemon is stealing kyogre's thunder i see

Well, that clearly worked. Good job game.

Did you remember to lock the door? And keep the key more than a meter away from the cell?

There's no explanation given for this, but whatever. Just roll with it guys, it's not like the game has explained its bullshit for the last thirty or so updates.

PICK ME

I WANT TO DESTROY THIS FUCKING WORLD

Well if everything that goes near the place Giratina is dies, where's the problem?

Haven't we spent the entire conversation establishing this?

BRILLIANT DEDUCTION SKILLS LEANNA 10/10

BUT IT WASN'T ENOUGH KEVIN YOU SUCK

STOP GIVING HIM PITY GOD

THANKS CAPTAIN OBVIOUS

...Nicolas what the fuck are you even doing?

...And then went immediately back to them. GOOD JOB.

Nah we're just gonna yolo it like Jagold has been yoloing in the plot.

SATAN would be glad to help!

oh my god a normal legendary exists

rayquaza why do you associate yourself with these shitlords?

Princess Alice? Just wait until we see her mugshot.

Despite being a gym leader (she is) she cannot just walk there on her own. Seems legit.

WHY AM I NEEDED FOR THIS

Isn't that a manga or something?

"We'll cluster up to make sure that the dragon dudes can kill us in as few shots as possible. Good plan!"

blah blah blah plans

Or we could just faint Angellean again. It wasn't hard last time.

So uh, yeah we're in the Pokemon League now. Look at how expensive this shit is though seriously.

Next time: MORE BAD PLOT

[eclipse]

I think Kirito as the protagonist would be a massive improvement. Then again, the only experience I have with him is from limited Weiss Schwarz encounters.

[Lance Masayoshi]

I have never seen the normal route

interesting

[JSND Alter Dragon Boner]

So, normal route is basically "battle the gym leader, terrible plot dump out of nowhere, end game?"

I salute you for going through that bro

At least it did not give a false hope like the evil route

[SB.]

I now know the plot of endgame! I didn't think it could get much dumber, but it did.

[spoiler=THE LEGEND OF RUBY DESTINY - ORACLE OF RAGE / SUFFERING]

WHY ARE YOU ZELDA

He's not my friend.

WHY IS THIS SUCH A LONG WALK

AND WHY ARE RICHARD AND FELINAR AND SOME OTHER THINGY HERE

CAN I NOT HAVE PEACE

So despite him being an escaped criminal, we decide to fuck off and chase the other thing all across the castle.

It looks like Espeon, except way worse.

10/10 Pokedex entry by the way.

Also just tell us its Richard instead of beating around the bush ffs.

I'M SO SORRY DUNSPARCE

Also, I wish the guards didn't look kind of evil.

Kevin sure knows how to talk to apparent royalty.

NO I WANTED TO RUN AWAY WHILE THEY DIDN'T NOTICE ME

He has the best sprite in the world. You'll see what I mean in a minute.

Shouldn't the king be aware of what the hell's been going on already? Since he's kind of the king and everything.

I don't think I knew that facepalming irl was a thing until I played this game.

Kevin, put it away.

If you act like the exact opposite of your normal behaviour, you'll probably be fine.

BRING ME A TABLE

I NEED TO FLIP IT

Seriously though what the fuck he just lifted the king from Minish Cap and threw him in here with no edits at all. Who thought that this was a good idea?

Also I have no idea how any normal person is meant to earn 8 badges when Alice is here, but whatever.

Apparently he isn't a moron and actually knows about the impending threat! I'm amazed too.

Time to completely ignore her and fight people first.

All of the guards say some variant of this. Even the ones who are blocking the route we actually need to go on.

Good shit.

Finally.

What the fuck is this? I know I ask this for every fakemon I see, but still, what the fuck is this?

I should clearly play Quartz or Marble next.

WHY IS THERE A TYRANITAR HERE HELP

But we need more filler so let's have a really boring conversation!

Can we try and develop some of the actual rivals instead of side characters who appear like... once? Thanks.

I really don't care about this. I don't think I care about anything in this game at this point, I just want it done.

We already established this Kevin. Shut up and get going already.

But it's not like Kevin is well-developed enough as a character to know this?

Seriously though, we're getting close to endgame and I still only have very vague ideas about who most of the characters are.

Kevin, you were the one who volunteered us...

I think she needs a magical girl transformation first.

*Kevin will be there, while I will be using you two as meatshields and running away as quickly as possible if anything goes wrong.

One day I'm actually going to update Ruby Destiny and play along with the drinking game. I don't even like alcohol, but it's not as if I need to be sober to understand its deep and moving plot anyway, right?

I like how we have no indication that she's crying at all.

"... ... ... ... ...

... ... ... ... ..." tells us nothing, but I guess Jagold expects us to be psychic and tell what the fuck is going on.

I'm not actually sure why we need HER to do it, considering I probably could've accomplished it while he were just standing here, but okay.

Don't act like we're friends, Kevin.

I did nothing.

I'm not being modest, I literally did nothing here. Why are you thanking me?

I honestly couldn't give a shit, but there you go.

I hope ingame me looks as irritated as irl me does right now.

Kevin, keep it in your pants.

"B-baka..."

Let's just make one thing clear.

I am NOT your wingman here.

NEXT TIME ON RUBY DESTINY, we finally go to sort Team Earth out. And also find out that everything we did over the course of the last two updates was pointless.

[Grace]

sb reminded me that i never actually finished postgame. fml

[Lance Masayoshi]

I would recommend Quartz, if you want to see more wtf Fakemon

or like, The Zombie hack, forgot what that's called

[SB.]

Last update had me thinking, so I made character bios! They're not every long, which says a lot about the characters.

[spoiler=MEET THE RIVALS]

Kevin: Our childhood friend who is frustrated he can't challenge gyms. He has no real personality.

Ryan: A guy who went to the academy from hell with us. Has even less of a personality than Kevin.

Richard: A maniac who chases after a giant cat. Enjoys joining chumpy evil teams for no reason.

Light: A jerk who steals our starter briefly for no real reason. Seeks revenge on the Dark Organization.

Leanna: A ranger who's only notable quality is her incredible stupidity. For some reason, she's usually in charge.

Claire: Some girl who has self-confidence issues, but then doesn't. I don't know who she is either.

Nicolas: A whiny kid who spends most of his time being angsty. Is a completely useless guardian trainer.

JB: An eight year old celebrating his birthday in the Pokemon world. Seeks rare Pokemon, and a birthday cake.

Jimmy: An enormous prick who wants to become the champion. Is best buddies with Satan.

Patty: The genderbent version of us. Spends most of the game stood in the same place.

[Grace]

sidenote: i regret ever opening my file again

never again

[JSND Alter Dragon Boner]

Oh, its almost at that point, where the story become 10 times dumber than it already is!

"Pointless" is putting it lightly

[NobodiePichu]

get hyped. get wrecked.

[Kiseki]

I'M SO SORRY DUNSPARCE

Clearly Japan's hacking community did the whole "Dunsparce evolution" thing much better.

[From Pokemon Vega, direct sequal to the dev team's previous hack Pokemon Altair/Sirius]

I would recommend this hack, except everything's in Japanese. A fan translation is in progress, though.

Edited January 23, 2015 by Kiseki

[eclipse]

Did Togepi do a Dunsparce and spit that. . .thing out?! And please tell me that Galvantula wasn't poisoned by that Tyranitar. . .

[NobodiePichu]

hey ya gotta admit it kinda retains dunsparces awkward cute derpiness.

[SB.]

From what I've heard, Vega is a tedious, balls hard game that needs tons of grinding. No thanks.

[SB.]

[12:35:01] SB: ruby destiny makes me lose brain cells

[spoiler=HELL AND EARTH, PART 1]

Nah dude, we just came down here so that we could kill you and hide the body.

It wouldn't be half as long if the two of you just SHUT UP AND STARTED WALKING

Oh. Okay then.

Love at first sight I guess?

I dunno how anyone could love Kevin but whatever.

EVOLVE ALREADY YOU FUCKS

"GET UP YOU LAZY FUCK ITS 2PM"

SUDDENLY, NO MIST

I DON'T GET WHY EITHER

You could probably justify taking half a shot with the amount of ellipsises used here.

Rayquaza is just mad because he's the only normal legendary here.

Because for some reason Cresselia is a cat.

MORE DRINKS

BUT WHY IS THAT YELLOW THING THERE

You shouldn't be speaking to us at all, but Jagold ruins everything so I guess it's understandable.

Even the dragon can't keep it in his pants at this point.

If you say 'fear' one more time, I will throttle you.

"MY WEEB RADAR IS BACK ONLINE"

"And why the fuck am I not in Sky Pillar?"

Well, this fusion is less dumb than the upcoming one, so okay?

Also stop reminding me Rescue Rangers was a game that existed god dammit.

Despite them (iirc) not being in this region?

Why has it lessened? Because of plot convenience.

I have no idea how they're under their control, but they sure are!

Basically: bad odds and bad grammar. Hooray.

Anyway we suddenly get WARPED WITH NO PRIOR NOTICE AND NO CHANCE TO BACK OUT.

And we're kind of underleveled.

But now we're in a point of no return with no healing spot!

What the fuck was Jagold thinking?

It's always on the peak.

There's a cave you can kind of grind in but NO HEALING and a boss fight afterwards means like... yeah.

So we're at the top. Everyone lost, basically.

Even SATAN AND RAYQUAZA were no match for Team Earth.

DRINKS

AND USELESS PEOPLE

SEE GUYS

THIS IS THE BOSS OF TEAM EARTH WE'VE NEVER MET BEFORE

AND ALSO THE STUPIDEST LOOKING SPRITE YET PROBABLY

Leanna came up with this plan, so it's all her fault.

Why are you using so many exclamation marks!?!?!?!

I DON'T THINK REASONING WILL WORK HERE GUYS

JUST CALL IT A GUT FEELING

Man, is 'Darn it' literally all you can say?

Also I'm pretty sure he's still lower down the peak somewhere so uh... yeah.

SPOILER ALERT

She doesn't give a fuck.

Don't worry guys, we still have the useless childhood friend and incompetent Pokemon Ranger! (Where are all of the others at this point by the way?) We're obviously going to win.

I wish people would stop talking about fusing shit. This isn't Yugioh or something.

Anyway, everyone loses during a two second blackout or something.

And I still don't think anyone cares about Gabrieleon.

...What the fuck are your goals?

"If you couldn't guess already, I'm evil!"

IN BRACKETS

YES WE'RE FINALLY DEAD

except probably not sigh

NEXT TIME ON RUBY DESTINY: MORE FUCKING PLOT

[SB.]

I don't think Jagold realises people play Pokemon for the gameplay instead of the story yet.

[spoiler=HELL AND EARTH, PART 2]

SO DO YOU GUYS HAVE ANY IDEA WHERE WE ARE

GOOD NEITHER DO I

AND THERE'S NOTHING HERE OH BOY

AFTER ABOUT A MINUTE OF WALKING (WHY) WE GET HERE

GUESS WHAT

WE WERE THE LIGHT

Covering characters up with text boxes like a pro.

I've given up on the hope that someone in this hack will murder me and set me free.

He walked through us or something.

ME

Nobody else said I was RUINING THEIR LIFE when I made a snarky response.

WHAT IS GOING ON THOUGH SERIOUSLY

He walks through us again. Somehow.

They... look exactly the same as they've always been to me.

Anyway we start walking. And we're apparently pink haired man's prisoner because ???

DON'T BLAME ME BRO BLAME THE EVENTS

And then we get warped again.

I just remembered that we were in the middle of a kind of important battle and now we're just kind of fucking around. Okay.

WHOA A POKEMON RANGER THAT ISN'T LEANNA

WHAT ARE YOU ALL TALKING ABOUT

AS MUCH AS I WOULD LIKE TO DESTROY THIS ABOMINATION OF A WORLD THE GAME SCRIPT FORCES ME TO SAVE IT INSTEAD

Sorry guys, I'm not that easy to mislynch.

YOU CAN'T USE EYES FOR THAT SHIT

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

YES, AND THIS GAME IS THE CAUSE OF IT

This is so dumb.

I don't know how I can cause fear to a planet?

Is this time travel bullshit, or just straight up bullshit?

Time travel. Okay.

Does this mean I get to destroy the world?

I don't think time travel has anything to do with that...

IF THIS IS A DREAM, DOES THAT MEAN RUBY DESTINY IS JUST ONE BIG NIGHTMARE?

I WANT TO WAKE UP NOW

This plot is complete horseshit. I'm not going to bother sugarcoating it.

I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO BATTLE

I don't see any of my rivals here (unless Leanna and Richard are those generics but they haven't talked) so I think this is a good future.

Even if Leanna and Richard exist killing 7/9 isn't bad.

I'm pretty sure there's more than one planet out there, actually.

This is basic logic.

What the heck is Chaomega? Sonic is involved in this shit now?

I don't see how this is a problem.

You should probably go and kill it then?

It's kind of hard considering it's Level 80 or something but I will begrudgingly do my best!

More like I needed a place to cut off this update, but okay.

NEXT TIME: Back to things that are actually relevant.

[Lance Masayoshi]

i went and played the endgame again last night to remind myself how to not do hacks

and it worked

[Jedi]

SB people obviously play Pokemon for the plot this is the key complaint in most Pokemon games today! :V He lied

[JSND Alter Dragon Boner]

That event made no fucking sense whatsoever in evil route, and made even less sense in Normal route

I'm amazed at how absurd the plot can get

[SB.]

ITS 4AM WHY AM I POSTING THIS

[spoiler=HELL AND EARTH, PART 3]

For some reason, we're with a Shaymin now?

I have no idea what it's doing here or what it's helping me with, but okay.

"Wait shit I forgot to add the background in REDO"

Isn't Skymin still in Ubers? I'm pretty sure I can take you.

I know. Isn't it great?

I've been waiting all game for this.

I genuinely have no idea what's going on right now.

Rather then talking about the dialogue, I'm just gonna ask how did she get up there?

*Spaceman with tentacles

I don't get why Jagold can't just put Dark Organization/Team Earth in front of the leader names and have them NOT break things, but whatver.

Also he didn't bother to recolour Sabrina Gaia's sprite to match her map sprite. Good stuff.

The Vessel's in-battle sprite doesn't look any better than the map sprite, by the way.

I send out Ninetales, and soon find that this is a horrible mistake.

For some reason, this uses DIVE's animation. I'm baffled too.

Lapras help?

(It got OHKOed thanks to Drought boosting an attack that definitely isn't Heat Wave).

So, I wiped. Guess where I am now?

RIGHT BACK AT THE BOTTOM

ALL EVENTS RESET

I HAVE TO NOW SIT THROUGH ALL OF THIS AGAIN

(Eventually I get back to the fight)

THIS WAS A SELF-DESTRUCT

THIS BODES WELL

Never mind, victory assured.

I'm surprised Jagold didn't notice the fact that Lapras trivializes every boss fight in the damn game after you get it.

Skip a few turns, and that's the battle.

You'd think that SUPER POWERFUL DEITY THING wouldn't die three turns after listening to a One Direction song or something, but it makes my job a hell of a lot easier.

Alternatively, you could've just brought more than one Pokemon?

My team was in shambles from tanking hits to the face from an uber with a 20 level advantage on me, it wouldn't have been that hard to just kill me with a decently leveled Starmie or something.

Are you sure you're not N?

You don't need 10 lines of text for this shit. This part of the game makes me feel like I'm reading a Eury wallpost or something at times.

You mean that thing that your team has been doing? Okay.

Holy fuck this monologue is never going to end, is it?

Wait, what.

Holy shit these names might be dumber than the DARK ORGANIZATION and I didn't think that was possible.

I think they just did what the villain from Pokemon XD did?

"But we thought their uniforms were pretty cool so we stole them."

YOU MEAN THAT THING THAT YOU'RE DOING RIGHT NOW

HOW ARE YOU BETTER THAN THEM

N, please.

You don't realise that NOBODY WANTS TO READ THIS SHIT.

How has NOBODY complained about this during testing and told him to slim down these stupid conversations?

BUT IMAGINE HOW ANNOYING IT'D BE IF EVERY POKEMON ACTED LIKE A TRADE POKEMON

I don't even know if i have the TM for cut or not.

I CUT DOWN A BUSH, CLEARLY THIS MEANS WE MUST DESTROY THE HUMAN RACE

Calm the fuck down, seriously.

I think I've suffered enough, thank you very much.

I'd ask why none of these motivations were ever hinted at beforehand, but I don't think we even knew the leader of Team Earth's name before we got here so I don't even know.

"This isn't even my final form!"

NEXT TIME ON RUBY DESTINY: OH GOD WHEN WILL IT END

[Jedi]

Lapras is true hero.