SF's "Write Your Butt Off" Competition HD II.5 Remix

[SoulWeaver]

On 3/6/2020 at 3:18 PM, Purple Mage said:

Can I write about my OC Matthew and his female counterpart Melina? Despite the fact that they have different names and that she's three years older than him, they're basically the same person.

I allow Cordelia-Caeldori, Tharja-Rhajat, and Gaius-Asugi already, and Genderbent-Alterants are something I have also delved into, so I don’t care so long as nobody else objects.

[Dragoncat]

Title: Double Teach

Fandom: FE Three Houses

Words: 1204

Spoiler

Every staff meeting, Manuela would attempt to get Byleth drunk. He had only caught onto it last week, but it took Jeralt and his bluntness. “She likes you, kid! Watch yourself...I’m pretty sure when your mother offered me all the drinks I could drink, you were born nine months later.”

“Dad.” Byleth had replied. “Manuela attempts this with a lot of people. You watch yourself too.” And that resulted in a hearty laugh and a hair ruffle from Jeralt. This was the father/son bonding these days: talking about the other two professors behind their backs.

Hanneman made a face at the wine. “This smells overly ripe. BUT! We must get down to business. The highest math scores are from the Golden Deer house, and the highest science scores are from the Black Eagles. Although Sylvain of the Blue Lions is doing surprisingly better than I expected him to. And the high math scores from the Golden Deer are mostly Claude and Lysithea, with Ignatz close behind.”

“Most everyone is enthusiastic about combat, some couldn’t care less about tactics and just want to hit people.” Byleth shrugged.

“Ooh, but cut to the chase.” Manuela said in a sing song tone. “You organized a thing called Retainer Games last month, and somehow Hilda won the combat portion? She’s so lazy!”

“She took advantage of her two male opponents’...weak spots. It’s fighting dirty, but I never said that wasn’t allowed.” Byleth stared. “Also, that wasn’t my idea. It was that kooky merchant, Anna.”

“Yes, and Dedue got stuck in the rope ladder. Great show, everyone laughed, everyone clapped. But I fail to see what this has to do with what we normally discuss here.” Hanneman scoffed.

Manuela poured herself another glass of wine. “Why, student engagement, of course! All the students are ENGAGED in their work for Byleth’s class! In my class, they’re less enthused. What’s the secret?”

“Maybe you teach hungover too often.” Byleth’s response made Hanneman blink, but if it was proper, he’d give the young man a high five.

Alois knocked at the door, opened it, and let himself in. “Pardon me! There’s been a happening in the gardens. A woman suddenly appeared, passed out, but alive. She looks like a female version of Byleth, and I do mean that PRECISELY! I asked Captain Jeralt if Byleth had a twin sister, he said no, but…”

Manuela hiccuped. “Alois, I don’t know what you’ve been ingesting, but I want some.”

“I AM NOT DRUNK OR HIGH!” Alois protested.

Byleth stood up and left the room. He was heading toward the gardens. Alois looked at the two remaining professors. “I better get Seteth.”

-----

“I don’t know, lady!” Jeralt was keeping his distance from this mysterious woman. “But Byleth is my kid, and he’s a he! And it’s not a common name, or at least I don’t think!”

The mysterious woman frowned. “But I’m your daughter! I’m Byleth!” 

Male Byleth approached and stood behind his female counterpart. He said nothing. Jeralt’s face lit up. “My boy! This lady is saying she’s you!” Female Byleth turned around and let out a surprised gasp.

“Oh for the love of the goddess, it’s true!” Seteth walked over with Alois. “There really is two of them!”

“Seteth, what is the meaning of this?” Jeralt snapped.

Seteth put his hands up in a “wait” pose. “There’s an old legend about alternate realities. Portals between them. But I didn’t think it was true.”

“So, in these other realities, there are opposite gender versions of people?” Alois mused. “Heh! Wonder if female me is just as charming. I bet her name is...Allie! And female Jeralt is Jerra! What’s your name, female Byleth? Bylass?”

“I’m still Byleth!”

“What.” Male Byleth blinked.

Seteth shook his head and sighed. “This is confusing to everyone. Byleth, female version, do you remember how you got here?”

Female Byleth stared into space. “I was walking through the gardens and I found this passage way in a gazebo. I thought, looks cool, I’ll see what’s there. I went in, and I caught a short glimpse of him,” She pointed at Male Byleth. “And then I passed out and woke up here.”

“That is how the portals work in the legends.” Seteth said. “Sans the seeing the other version of one’s self…but more info is needed. There wasn’t that much to begin with.”

“So what’s gonna happen now? Are we gonna have two Byleths for now on? Jeralt, you better rename her!”

Jeralt stared at Alois. “Why would I have to rename her? I’m terrible at names.”

“You’re not, you named your horse Whiplash.”

“I am not calling my daughter from another reality a horse name and I sure as hell am not calling her Whiplash.”

Seteth waved a hand. “We will just call them Male Byleth and Female Byleth, but she can’t stay forever. She must go back to where she came from...but first the portal has to be found. That could take awhile. I will inform Lady Rhea what happened here, and search for the portal myself.”

-----

Male Byleth walked into his classroom a few days later to find the Golden Deer all wearing party hats, along with two Black Eagles: Caspar and Linhardt. “What in the world is going on here?”

“Teeeeeacch!” Claude exclaimed. “Or I guess Mister Teach now. Missus Teach brought in a class pet!”

“Partydillo! Woop woop! Partydillo! Woop woop!” Caspar flopped around. He looked like an ape.

Sure enough, Female Byleth was holding an armadillo in a party hat. “I found this little fella.”

“But why the party hats?”

Female Byleth smirked. “Claude’s idea. It’s his wyvern’s birthday, apparently.”

“PARTYDILLO!” Caspar jumped and his shoe flew off and landed on a desk. Lysithea rolled her eyes. “Can we stop allowing the chimpanzee to get hyped up on sugar?”

“As you stuff the third cookie into your mouth.” Hilda said.

“Leave her alone, cookies are great!” Raphael protested.

“We’re forgetting the most interesting part.” Linhardt spoke up. “This armadillo looked dead until the party hat got put on it! It’s just like the story of Frosty the Snowman!’

Jeralt walked in. “I heard there was a...partydillo? What does it eat? I have some roasted peanuts.”

“Armadillos eat bugs.” Male Byleth said. “I think? Eat your nuts yourself, Dad.”

“Phrasing, Mister Teach! Out of context that last sentence would sound so wrong!” Claude smirked. Lysithea snorted and almost choked on her cookie. Hilda laughed and spit her drink out.

“If I may interrupt!” Seteth walked in. “The portal has been located! Female Byleth can return to her own reality.”

A silence fell over the room. After about a minute, Jeralt cleared his throat. “Well. This has been an interesting week.” He walked over to Female Byleth. “Kid, I can’t let you leave without saying this. You look like your mother. A lot. I wouldn’t mind having both of you here. But I understand this is the way things have to be.” Before she could reply, he gave her a hug.

Female Byleth hugged back. “Thanks. You guys can keep the partydillo as a parting gift.”

The partydillo stayed for about two months, until it wandered away to never be seen again.

Notes:

Spoiler

In this ficverse, the three professors teach subjects, not entire classes. Hanneman teaches math and science. Manuela teaches history and literature. Byleth teaches combat and tactics.

Retainer Games was a fic idea I had, I never got around to writing it, I may someday.

The partydillo is a Jimmy Fallon reference, from Hashtags "My Weird Teacher". Sothis brought a dead armadillo to life. Because Sothis is a troll goddess.

 

Edited March 8, 2020 by Dragoncat

[SoulWeaver]

49 minutes ago, Dragoncat said:

Title: Double Teach

Fandom: FE Three Houses

Words: 1204

  Reveal hidden contents

 

Every staff meeting, Manuela would attempt to get Byleth drunk. He had only caught onto it last week, but it took Jeralt and his bluntness. “She likes you, kid! Watch yourself...I’m pretty sure when your mother offered me all the drinks I could drink, you were born nine months later.”

“Dad.” Byleth had replied. “Manuela attempts this with a lot of people. You watch yourself too.” And that resulted in a hearty laugh and a hair ruffle from Jeralt. This was the father/son bonding these days: talking about the other two professors behind their backs.

Hanneman made a face at the wine. “This smells overly ripe. BUT! We must get down to business. The highest math scores are from the Golden Deer house, and the highest science scores are from the Black Eagles. Although Sylvain of the Blue Lions is doing surprisingly better than I expected him to. And the high math scores from the Golden Deer are mostly Claude and Lysithea, with Ignatz close behind.”

“Most everyone is enthusiastic about combat, some couldn’t care less about tactics and just want to hit people.” Byleth shrugged.

“Ooh, but cut to the chase.” Manuela said in a sing song tone. “You organized a thing called Retainer Games last month, and somehow Hilda won the combat portion? She’s so lazy!”

“She took advantage of her two male opponents’...weak spots. It’s fighting dirty, but I never said that wasn’t allowed.” Byleth stared. “Also, that wasn’t my idea. It was that kooky merchant, Anna.”

“Yes, and Dedue got stuck in the rope ladder. Great show, everyone laughed, everyone clapped. But I fail to see what this has to do with what we normally discuss here.” Hanneman scoffed.

Manuela poured herself another glass of wine. “Why, student engagement, of course! All the students are ENGAGED in their work for Byleth’s class! In my class, they’re less enthused. What’s the secret?”

“Maybe you teach hungover too often.” Byleth’s response made Hanneman blink, but if it was proper, he’d give the young man a high five.

Alois knocked at the door, opened it, and let himself in. “Pardon me! There’s been a happening in the gardens. A woman suddenly appeared, passed out, but alive. She looks like a female version of Byleth, and I do mean that PRECISELY! I asked Captain Jeralt if Byleth had a twin sister, he said no, but…”

Manuela hiccuped. “Alois, I don’t know what you’ve been ingesting, but I want some.”

“I AM NOT DRUNK OR HIGH!” Alois protested.

Byleth stood up and left the room. He was heading toward the gardens. Alois looked at the two remaining professors. “I better get Seteth.”

-----

“I don’t know, lady!” Jeralt was keeping his distance from this mysterious woman. “But Byleth is my kid, and he’s a he! And it’s not a common name, or at least I don’t think!”

The mysterious woman frowned. “But I’m your daughter! I’m Byleth!” 

Male Byleth approached and stood behind his female counterpart. He said nothing. Jeralt’s face lit up. “My boy! This lady is saying she’s you!” Female Byleth turned around and let out a surprised gasp.

“Oh for the love of the goddess, it’s true!” Seteth walked over with Alois. “There really is two of them!”

“Seteth, what is the meaning of this?” Jeralt snapped.

Seteth put his hands up in a “wait” pose. “There’s an old legend about alternate realities. Portals between them. But I didn’t think it was true.”

“So, in these other realities, there are opposite gender versions of people?” Alois mused. “Heh! Wonder if female me is just as charming. I bet her name is...Allie! And female Jeralt is Jerra! What’s your name, female Byleth? Bylass?”

“I’m still Byleth!”

“What.” Male Byleth blinked.

Seteth shook his head and sighed. “This is confusing to everyone. Byleth, female version, do you remember how you got here?”

Female Byleth stared into space. “I was walking through the gardens and I found this passage way in a gazebo. I thought, looks cool, I’ll see what’s there. I went in, and I caught a short glimpse of him,” She pointed at Male Byleth. “And then I passed out and woke up here.”

“That is how the portals work in the legends.” Seteth said. “Sans the seeing the other version of one’s self…but more info is needed. There wasn’t that much to begin with.”

“So what’s gonna happen now? Are we gonna have two Byleths for now on? Jeralt, you better rename her!”

Jeralt stared at Alois. “Why would I have to rename her? I’m terrible at names.”

“You’re not, you named your horse Whiplash.”

“I am not calling my daughter from another reality a horse name and I sure as hell am not calling her Whiplash.”

Seteth waved a hand. “We will just call them Male Byleth and Female Byleth, but she can’t stay forever. She must go back to where she came from...but first the portal has to be found. That could take awhile. I will inform Lady Rhea what happened here, and search for the portal myself.”

-----

Male Byleth walked into his classroom a few days later to find the Golden Deer all wearing party hats, along with two Black Eagles: Caspar and Linhardt. “What in the world is going on here?”

“Teeeeeacch!” Claude exclaimed. “Or I guess Mister Teach now. Missus Teach brought in a class pet!”

“Partydillo! Woop woop! Partydillo! Woop woop!” Caspar flopped around. He looked like an ape.

Sure enough, Female Byleth was holding an armadillo in a party hat. “This little fella showed up.”

“But why the party hats?”

Female Byleth smirked. “Claude’s idea. It’s his wyvern’s birthday, apparently.”

“PARTYDILLO!” Caspar jumped and his shoe flew off and landed on a desk. Lysithea rolled her eyes. “Can we stop allowing the chimpanzee to get hyped up on sugar?”

“As you stuff the third cookie into your mouth.” Hilda said.

“Leave her alone, cookies are great!” Raphael protested.

“We’re forgetting the most interesting part.” Linhardt spoke up. “This armadillo looked dead until the party hat got put on it! It’s just like the story of Frosty the Snowman!’

Jeralt walked in. “I heard there was a...partydillo? What does it eat? I have some roasted peanuts.”

“Armadillos eat bugs.” Male Byleth said. “I think? Eat your nuts yourself, Dad.”

“Phrasing, Mister Teach! Out of context that last sentence would sound so wrong!” Claude smirked. Lysithea snorted and almost choked on her cookie. Hilda laughed and spit her drink out.

“If I may interrupt!” Seteth walked in. “The portal has been located! Female Byleth can return to her own reality.”

A silence fell over the room. After about a minute, Jeralt cleared his throat. “Well. This has been an interesting week.” He walked over to Female Byleth. “Kid, I can’t let you leave without saying this. You look like your mother. A lot. I wouldn’t mind having both of you here. But I understand this is the way things have to be.” Before she could reply, he gave her a hug.

Female Byleth hugged back. “Thanks. You guys can keep the partydillo as a parting gift.”

The partydillo stayed for about two months, until it wandered away to never be seen again.

Notes:

  Reveal hidden contents

In this ficverse, the three professors teach subjects, not entire classes. Hanneman teaches math and science. Manuela teaches history and literature. Byleth teaches combat and tactics.

Retainer Games was a fic idea I had, I never got around to writing it, I may someday.

The partydillo is a Jimmy Fallon reference, from Hashtags "My Weird Teacher". Sothis brought a dead armadillo to life. Because Sothis is a troll goddess.

 

So Partydillo is going to return in your future writing, then, judging on that ending. I approve. Perhaps more importantly, Basilio Jones approves.

[Dragoncat]

10 minutes ago, SoulWeaver said:

So Partydillo is going to return in your future writing, then, judging on that ending. I approve.

LOL, I'm not sure. Could.

[AnonymousSpeed]

1 hour ago, SoulWeaver said:

I approve. Perhaps more importantly, Basilio Jones approves.

If I don't see Basilio Jones in the next three months I'mma stomp on the sidewalk.

[SoulWeaver]

1 hour ago, AnonymousSpeed said:

If I don't see Basilio Jones in the next three months I'mma stomp on the sidewalk.

I've actually considered using him for a non-participant entry this round, actually. We'll see how this upcoming week turns out, my cousin got married yesterday so I was kind of busy helping with that this past week.

[Dragoncat]

Okay, but who's Basilio Jones? I'm out of the loop.

[Anacybele]

I got no idea who that is either, yeah.

[AnonymousSpeed]

@SoulWeaver Don't explain it, please.

[Rapier]

15 hours ago, Dragoncat said:

Okay, but who's Basilio Jones? I'm out of the loop.

That belongs in a museum

[Dragoncat]

I googled and all I found was some youtuber? And some facebook pages?

[TheSilentChloey]

2 hours ago, Dragoncat said:

I googled and all I found was some youtuber? And some facebook pages?

Somehow I don't quite think you're on the right track and it's probably a meme between Soul and Annon.

[SoulWeaver]

You can find it on here pretty easily if you know where to look.

Also @AnonymousSpeed starting the non-participant entry up tonight, Basiliette confirmed. Partydillo may or may not also make an appearance.

[Dragoncat]

11 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:

Partydillo may or may not also make an appearance.

You have to pay me to use the partydillo.

Kidding xD

[Benice]

I have a really dumb idea that I might finish. We'll see.

[Shoblongoo]

Just now, Benice said:

I have a really dumb idea 

the best kind of ideas 

[AnonymousSpeed]

Voting has commenced!

As previously agreed upon, all deadlines will be one day earlier going forward. This means judging ends Friday night, but in future rounds will mean you have Sunday for judging entries as well. Don't let it get in the way of church, though.

[Anacybele]

I think this time, Shoblongoo and Dcat hit the nail on the head in the comedy department equally and I can't really say which is better! But I voted Dcat because she has not had a chance to choose a prompt.

[TheSilentChloey]

I'm actually not sure who to even pick, since none of the entries actually knocked it out of the park for me this round.  Add to that and one outright irritated me so...

 

I'll go through them again to see if I can pick one to vote on.

[Anacybele]

Pick Dcat. She hasn't gotten to win and make a prompt yet. She wouldn't want to be picked just because of that, of course, but if you liked every entry equally anyway, well, why not?

Also, it wasn't necessary to say an entry annoyed you. That's kind of rude.

[Dragoncat]

4 minutes ago, Anacybele said:

Pick Dcat. She hasn't gotten to win and make a prompt yet. She wouldn't want to be picked just because of that, of course, but if you liked every entry equally anyway, well, why not?

Also, it wasn't necessary to say an entry annoyed you. That's kind of rude.

Thanks for this, but it is really up to her too.

It also wasn't necessary to say an entry was annoying, I agree. But I don't want fights.

[Anacybele]

Just now, Dragoncat said:

Thanks for this, but it is really up to her too.

It also wasn't necessary to say an entry was annoying, I agree. But I don't want fights.

True, just tossing out a recommendation.

And yeah, I don't want fights either.

[Dragoncat]

Feedback time!

@Shoblongoo This was absolutely hilarious! I loved the part about Claude having trouble with Hilda's bra, headcanon accepted that happens during their first romp. You misspelled quite a few words though, like Almyra and Goneril.

@TheSilentChloey I guess you did a double of this prompt. I've thought of calling female Byleth Lilith myself, but there's already a Lilith in FE. Not much is happening here, but you did cover the wtfness of meeting an opposite gender of ones self well, and the Morgans were cute.

@Anacybele This was a nice twist on the prompt, full of feels and some sweetness. And I've said the rest on Discord.

[Anacybele]

Oh yeah, I should give feedback too!

@Dragoncat The partydillo thing is funny as heck. lol You did great here with the comedy. XD Seteth is great here too, even though he pretty much always is. 😛

@Shoblongoo This one was equally funny and Dcat pretty much said what I would have. Though I also was a little confused at what was happening at times, I have to admit.

@TheSilentChloey Even though I admit it's interesting to see what Grima would do if he met another version of himself, I wish you'd used another character here since you've already written Grima a lot. Otherwise, decent solid piece. And the Morgans were indeed kinda cute.

And Dcat, yeah, some fluff and emotional stuff was what I was going for here, and then the comedy moment with the Fairy of Winds interrupting at a weird time. lol I guess people here tend to prefer more comedy though. Oh well.

Edited March 16, 2020 by Anacybele

[Dragoncat]

In case anybody wants the Partydillo source: