Wist
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Posts posted by Wist
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@AmericanBuizel, what's your opinion of the video and what were you hoping to discuss?
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The last few years I've bought fewer games and it's worked out well. Though this year my list ended up larger than I can manage. And my backlog is still substantial.
Beat in 2016
- LittleBigPlanet 3
- Zero Time Dilemma
- Final Fantasy XV
Beat so far in 2017
- The Last Guardian
- FE: Shadows of Valentia
Hope to beat in 2017
- FE: Birthright
- Bravely Default
- Horizon: Zero Dawn
- Zelda: Breath of the Wild
- Nier Automata
- Gravity Daze 2
- FFXII: The Zodiac Age
Realistically, I'll probably drop Bravely Default (25% and not enjoying it much) and finish Horizon and either Nier or Zelda. I might finish Birthright (~90% through) too.
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On 6/16/2017 at 7:22 AM, Clarine said:
I say, tea is simply the only acceptable choice for me. If I am to elaborate, I value the brew of black tea variations. This most splendid beverage is the true source of my energy and prevents a delicate individual such as myself to desist my fatigue everyday. If I am to state, I simply abhor the flavours of coffee and hot chocolate and as such, these choices are most certainly not palatable to me. If I am to believe, such a choice is normally regarded as highly refined, though I believe such is simply nonsensical! An individual enjoying a most wonderful cup of tea must not be the sole factor to deem such a person to be a refined citizen!
You are as enlightened as you are refined.
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I have tea multiple times a day. It's the best choice. I don't even care the kind of tea. I do heretical experiments like mixing different types of tea or adding obscene ratios of milk/cream when the mood strikes.
Cocoa is no good because I hate the taste of chocolate. And coffee is a barbarian's brew. Evidently I'm biased against bean based beverages.
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1 hour ago, Armagon said:
Characters have set paired endings. For instancs, Boey will always marry Mae, unless Mae is dead.
As an actual story chapter, no, Ch.6 doesn't have story. However, in the dungeon there, there is lore that ties this game to Awakening
No. Being able to go to Archanea is a new thing. It wasn't in Gaiden.
Thank you!
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I've been avoiding spoilers like the plague, and still kind of am. But I beat the final boss last night, and I have a few questions. Can I ask about three things quickly? My questions concern supports, the post-game, and the original Gaiden.
SpoilerCharacters can have multiple A supports. In the epilogue, some characters got together. How does the game decide who to pair? Does each character only have one canon pairing?
At the start of chapter 6 I was surprised to learn you can go to Akaenia. I promised someone they could play my copy after I beat it. But if Akaenia has story content, I'd like to try that first. What is Akaenia like? Is there story content? Or is it just a place for monster battles, challenges, endurance runs...?
My last question is if you could go to Akaenia in Gaiden, or if this is a new addition for Echoes.
Thank you!
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I'm surprised not everyone read the title facetiously. Yes, what constitutes the 'best' of anything depends on the evaluation criteria. But I think argument over the use of 'best' here is academic and misses sight of the topic that's been presented.
I think @In The Beginning 'best' interpreted and summarised what @Drew Pickles was getting at. In terms of difficulty or characterisation, Veld underperforms. But he stands out as the only final boss in the series as who isn't supplemented supernaturally. And I agree that his fighting without the unfair and arguably contrived advantages other final bosses have (ie. completely on his own merits) is 'badass' and noteworthy.
In my opinion, the god or god-powered villains of many Fire Emblem games are disappointing story-wise. I suspect they are used mostly just to raise the stakes. It's an easy way to make final battles feel like they will decide the fate of the world because the villains are given the power and drive to completely reshape it. However, because it's used so often, it's come to feel like a lazy conceit.
I'd like to see more 'human' villains. The threat of cataclysm due to whatever flavour of god magic a game invokes is so dramatic and distant. Believable threats from sympathetic or charismatic enemies have the capacity to be more interesting because there's more space to relate to the histories and objectives behind them. I don't think more Velds is the answer. But I think the abundance of super-powered villains in Fire Emblem somewhat weakens the series's storytelling.
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An art museum can be a nice place to go if you live near one. I think museums make for easy and low pressure date spots. They're easy and relaxing to chat and get to know each other a bit better in. You can be in there for as long or short a time as you both like. And if at any point you don't know what to talk it's perfectly natural to discuss (or make fun of) whatever piece you happen to be standing in front of.
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9 hours ago, LordOTaco said:
Lets see. Ikaruga, Nioh, most fighting games (i'm mediocre at best at smash).
Ah, Ikaruga. Great game. Spent months on it. Still rubbish at it.
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This is a sad thread.
I lent my GBA to my half-brother for a trip, and his father managed to drop it down stone steps. It was a birthday present too...
My father's 80GB PS3 (the mostly PS2 backwards-compatible one) died. The disc drive failed and we replaced it. A year later it died again. Two weeks after the second replacement and the PS3 never booted again. He went all digital with his systems after that.
Oh yeah, my the disc drive in my wife's slim PS3 stopped working literally last week. Nearly forgot because we just swapped in my one.
Everything else seems to still work fine. I'm very careful with my Nintendo handhelds though. I know a lot of people for whom the shoddy hinges failed unnervingly quickly.
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I wish this is what had immediately succeeded the DS line instead of the 3DS. I wonder how well it will sell. Is the 3DS still selling well? I also wonder what the battery life will be like.
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On 4/17/2017 at 1:22 PM, Nym said:
Since the vote is over, I can post the references of my story for those who read my story or are interested (like for @Wist I think?)
- Both Rezzy and Chloey are characters based of 2 members of SF, Rezzy being obviously @Rezzy and Chloey being @TheSilentChloey, althought the latter is more based on the character that Chloey made for her Awakening story.
- Nym is of course, me
- The ''Open Sesame'' tome is based of the magic phrase of ''Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves''.
- The stuffed animal that Nym made for Rezzy's baby is a reference to Eevee, obviously.
- Mugemin is a reference/parody of the Crimson Mage Megumin, from the anime Konosuba.
- Both Tristan and Harve are based of two of my IRL friends.
- Harve's design is based of the character Genji from Overwatch
- Flona is a reference/parody of the useless Goddess and Arch priest, Aqua from the anime Konosuba.
- Light is a reference/parody of the masochist crusader Darkness, from the anime Konosuba
- Knil (I wrote Kril by accident oops) is a reference to Link from the Legend of Zelda
- Aryl is a reference to Ariel, Link's little sister in the Wind Waker.
- The song that Chloey sings is a parody of the song ''Be a man'' in Mulan
- The 2 maids are a reference to both Ram and Rem from the anime Re:Zero
- ''Look like the cavalry is here'' phrase from the red maid is a reference to Tracer's (from Overwatch) favorite catchphrase: ''Cheers, love! The cavalry's here!''
I'll post the story tommorow (a more corrected version this time).
Thank you! I guessed there'd be a fair number of references.
On 4/17/2017 at 3:51 AM, eclipse said:As for my story, here's the summary of critiques:
[...]
So, I want an explanation.
I can't answer why your story didn't do as well in the polls as it could have. But as you're keen on receiving honest criticism what I can do is tell you what edits would have resulted in me voting for it. I didn't see a response regarding author anonymous feedback so I did end up writing this evaluation after learning it was your story.
Also, I don't write much fiction and you or others may disagree with some or all of the points. Still, I hope it may be useful.
SpoilerThe story is fine. The plot is fine. The imagery is fine. The writing is mostly fine.
What I think needs attention is how exposition is used (the classic "show, don't tell" argument). The narrator sometimes pulls the reader out of Mozu's head. But I think pulling readers into her head and keeping them there is vital to the success of the story.
This can be accomplished with some subtle revisions:
1. Giving characters more agency
Spoiler1.1 I think the the story would benefit from the characters being better credited with their actions. When they aren't making choices, it's harder for the reader to get into their heads. This saps the story of immediacy and emotion.
In this passage, the narrator is telling the reader a sequence of events.
QuoteShe gasped, her emotions getting the better of her. A tear left a searing trail on her cheek, then another. Her head instinctively jerked up as something heavy echoed through the forest. The sobs in her throat slowed, then stopped, as the stomping slowly became louder.
Here are the events.
QuoteShe gasps. A tear falls. Something echoed. Her head jerks. Her sobs slow. Her sobs stops. The echo gets louder.
As readers, we watch these events happen. But Mozu's only action is an involuntary gasp. She hasn't done anything for us to interpret. It's hard to feel a personal connection with her.
Here's the same passage with her given more agency.
QuoteShe sobbed, and a tear left a searing trail on her cheek. Then another. But she jerked her head up when she heard something heavy echo through the forest. She slowed the sobs in her throat, then held her breath as the stomping slowly became louder.
She does five things now, and is responsible for four of them (even though some are involuntary).
QuoteShe sobs. A tear falls. She hears something and she jerks her head. She slows her sobs. She stops breathing. The sound gets louder.
This means four times as many opportunities for the reader to figure out her motives.
- She sobs. Are her emotions catching up with her?
- She jerks her head. Is what she heard a threat?
- She slows her sobs. Is she trying to identify the sound?
- She stops breathing. Is she scared she'll be noticed?
The original passage begs the same questions. We acknowledge her situation. But in the revision we feel Mozu's fear. We were invited to put ourselves in her position, so we sympathise with her when we come up with our answers. Giving her just a bit more agency here has ramped up our emotional investment in the story.
1.2 Here are some other passages where this can be done.
QuoteThe girl’s vision blurred, as she thought back to the events that had happened mere hours ago.
vs
QuoteHer vision blurred as she thought back to the carnage she had escaped mere hours ago.
Having Mozu "escape" makes the events more explicitly personal to her and the reader.
QuoteAs her mother's body was pounded into the ground, Mozu fled.
vs
QuoteShe fled as the monster pounded her mother's body into the ground.
Giving the monster more agency makes it more threatening because it's actively killing.
QuoteShe should’ve slowed down for her mother, or fought off the monster with her naginata. Then her mother would be alive, and safe, and far away from the horrors that had so cruelly pounded the village flat.
vs
QuoteShe should’ve slowed down for her mother, or fought off the monster with her naginata. Instead, she'd left her to die, let her be killed by the horrors that so cruelly pounded the village to rubble.
Having Mozu take responsibility for the consequences of leaving her mother makes her regret more personal, poignant, and pathetic.
1.3 There are many places where this is already handled well.
QuoteShe planted the butt of the naginata against the ground, and cradled the shaft with her elbow, before staring at her hands.
...and...
QuoteShe ran past the last set of houses, before the village turned into pure farmland. She ran through the vegetable fields, trampling seedlings and brush alike. She stopped once she was under the cover of the trees, her breath coming in ragged gasps. Her shoulders heaved, as she buried her face in her hands.
...and...
QuoteShe buried her face in her hands, and let the tears fall. Everyone she knew was dead, and she’d nearly joined them.
...and...
QuoteMozu quickly stood up, and thrust her naginata with all of her might. She reeled backwards, the blade of her weapon failing to penetrate the creature’s skin. She watched the creature’s fist, mesmerized by its slow upwards motion.
These are great examples of passages where Mozu is given sufficient agency. I think doing this more consistently throughout the text will make it easier for readers to get into her head. We will be scared with her, then cheer when she resolves to fight.
2. Reducing exposition
Spoiler2.1 There are scenes which would be more intense if the description were not so straightforward. Too much exposition pulls us out of characters' heads, depriving us of their emotions.
I've marked in red sections where the narrator is interpreting for the reader.
QuoteWeapon in hand, she slowly rose to her feet, the dull thuds becoming louder, and more pronounced. The forest’s uneven ground made running away difficult, and another fall would allow whatever was stomping through the forest to catch her. Snapping branches accompanied the stomps. She readied her naginata, biting back a scream as the monster appeared before her. It was easily double Mozu’s height, and probably four times as heavy.It was humanoid, with sickly green skin, garbed in nothing but a mockery of a loincloth. Its wrists were bound with the broken remnants of shackles, while its face was hidden behind some sort of spiky helmet.
The description is great. As readers we understand the dire situation Mozu faces, and we have a clear picture of what the monster looks like. But we're not living it because the narrator's doing that for us.
Let's try giving the reader more space to make their own observations.
QuoteWeapon in hand, she rose to her feet, wincing as she tried to ignore her injured knee. The thuds became louder. She started to step back, but stumbled as her foot struck another root hidden in the leaves. The thuds, now accompanied by the sound of snapping branches, drew closer. Taking a deep breath, she readied her naginata.
As the monster appeared from between the trees she bit back a scream. Trembling, she looked up at the strange spiky helmet hiding its face, then down to the broken shackles hugging its wrists. She froze as the sickly green giant, garbed in nothing but a mockery of a loincloth, lumbered toward her.Some of the exposition has been transformed into events we can experience. Rather than being told running was difficult, we see she's unable to run easily. And rather being told how big the monster is, we see her sizing it up by looking up at its face then looking down to its arms.
Before, we could only acknowledge the terror of her situation. Now that we stay in her head, we feel her terror because we're looking through her eyes.
2.2 Here's a different kind of example.
QuoteThough the person’s garb was something completely alien to her, she recognized the warm smile that greeted her, one that extended to the person’s red eyes. It was the same look that her mother gave her, after a hard day’s work. She bit her lip, as a stray tear found its way down her face.
Compare it to a slight revision with less exposition and more character agency.
QuoteThough she eyed his unfamiliar garb with suspicion, she recognized the warm smile reaching to his red eyes. It was the same smile her mother would give her after a hard day's work. She bit her lip as a tear made its way down her face.
It's really not very different. All that changed is instead of being told Mozu found the person's clothes strange, we see the strangeness through her eyes. As a result, we stay in her head throughout the scene. When she picks up on her mother's smile, we feel her transition from suspicion or confusion to trust and comfort (do something else if you don't want her suspicious/confused).
2.3 As with character agency, reducing exposition shouldn't require significant rewriting. It also shouldn't be done to excess. There are passages like this one where the exposition works really well.
QuoteWhat if this person tripped on a random tree root, just like she had? What if the monster didn’t fall from the golden sword’s slash? Her last memories of the village resurfaced, but this time, she didn’t feel the usual rush of tears. Instead, she felt the blood drain from her face, as her hands tightened around her naginata. Yes, she could run and hide, but it would mean that others might die to the same monsters that ravaged her village. These strangers owed nothing to her or her village, yet one of them had protected her, then offered to keep her safe.
Half the passage is description, but it all sounds like it's going through Mozu's head. This is what this story needs!
These don't pertain as much to the story itself, but I noticed a couple mechanical things you could work on:
3. Confusing descriptions
Spoiler3.1 Renaming characters interrupts the story. It reminds the reader their reading rather than experiencing something. Surprisingly, it can also makes it harder to understand who's doing what.
QuoteThe girl’s vision blurred, as she thought back to the events that had happened mere hours ago. She’d called to her mother, begging for the older woman to take her hand. Her mother pleaded with her to flee, the older woman’s legs no match for the monster behind her.
Using both "her mother" and "the older woman" to refer to the same person feels stilted. She's "renamed" multiple times, even when the subject hasn't changed.
QuoteHer vision blurred as she thought back to the carnage she had escaped mere hours ago. She'd begged her mother to take her hand so they could escape together. But her mother pleaded with her to flee, insisting she'd only slow her down.
This is actually less confusing than the original because "her" and "she" always refer to Mozu except where context makes it clear they don't.
3.2 At the story's end, renaming characters made it unclear how many people there were.
QuoteShe buried her face in her hands, and let the tears fall. Everyone she knew was dead, and she’d nearly joined them. She dimly heard the other person say something, and answered without thinking. She gasped as a finger gently wiped away her tears.
Is "other person" other to Mozu or the swordsman? Is s/he a compatriot of the swordsman? Later on, someone in fancy garb runs by. So is there a strangely garbed person and then a swordsman, or are both of them strangely garbed? At the end of the story, I don't know if Mozu's gone off with one, two, or several people. Cleaning up how they're referred to should make this much clearer.
3.3 These were few and far between, but a few descriptions were a bit unwieldy.
QuoteThe person with a sword turned towards her, hand extended.
vs
QuoteThe swordsman turned towards her, hand extended.
I assume you were avoiding gendering the person. But I'm not sure this is the best way to do it. Swordsman is more elegant and should hopefully suffice if there are no clear indications of gender anywhere.
QuoteWhatever else the other person said was lost to the singular sentence that rattled through her mind.
vs
QuoteThe words echoed in her head.
This is a single, stark image which perhaps mostly captures the most important aspect of the original sentence.
3.4 More importantly, I found the following characterisation a little strange.
QuoteThis is how she died – away from her village, her family, and everything that was familiar to her. Though her mind tried to convince herself of her impending death, her body shifted, bracing the naginata’s butt against the ground. If she could just injure it, she could die happy.
I don't buy the narrator's assertion here. It had looked like she was being forced to fight because she knew she couldn't escape. Why would injuring it help her be at peace? Personally (and of course feel free to disagree), I think it would be more credible and impactful to focus more on the source of her regret and sadness: being a sole-survivor, and only because she abandoned everyone.
QuoteShe bemoaned that this is how she would die – alone in the woods, away from her village, her family, her mother...
Still, she shifted her body and braced the butt of her naginata against the ground. She knew it was futile, but it was all she could manage. Maybe she should have stayed, and died defending her home instead of out here on the run. As she readied herself for the monster's final blow, she wondered if there was anyone left at home to forgive her.
Maybe you don't want to go in this direction. That's fine. But keeping the focus on her core struggle may make a stronger impression. This might require some streamlining in other parts of the story too. But I think it'll be worth it.
4. Overused commas
Spoiler4.1 These commas are splitting what should be single clauses.
QuoteThe girl’s vision blurred, as she thought back to the events that had happened mere hours ago.
...and...
QuoteShe ran past the last set of houses, before the village turned into pure farmland.
...and...
QuoteHer shoulders heaved, as she buried her face in her hands.
I especially noticed commas before "as", like in the first and third sentence above. In these cases, I would get rid of the commas or replace "as" with "and".
I've summed up my thoughts below.
Summary
SpoilerThe story really is interesting. Exploring Mozu's mental state at such an dire time puts you in a position to push readers into really considering the harsh realities of worlds and scenarios that form the backdrops for these games. No one else really tried to do this, not with as dire and contained a scenario as Mozu's, making it all the more valuable and refreshing.
The better you can put people into Mozu's head at this time, the more effective this push will be. If you'd managed this more cleanly I would have voted for your story because it would have made me really feel what Mozu's feeling. You're most of the way there. Like you mentioned earlier, you can't do a full psychological evaluation. But you have given us a snapshot, and a snapshot can be as powerful as any movie.
Addressing the following two points will assist in Mozu's characterisation and make her a much more relatable and impactful character.
- Things shouldn't happen to characters. Rather, characters should do and experience things. This makes it easier for readers to get into a character's head.
- The narrator shouldn't interpret scenes. Show what you want to say through things the characters do. The narrator explaining too much risks pulling readers out of a character's head.
Revising with the following three points in mind ought to clear up ambiguities in the writing.
- Prefer pronouns over descriptions. This usually makes a story easier to follow.
- Make sure characters' thoughts and actions reflect the their internal struggles.
- Try to remove unnecessary commas.
Or so I think anyways.
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7 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:
... I'm honestly surprised nobody's called me out on the last paragraph on the last page - it was kind of a last-second cheeky thing of me to do and I expected to get BLASTED for it.
It was cute, and it was self-aware, so I don't think it deserved a blasting from anyone. I hope you can finish building your Roy deck.
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On 4/14/2017 at 2:31 PM, EllJee said:
Beyond the Horizon
Yay! More Canas! And more attempts to answer “The heck? A SNOWSTORM?!?!” Wonderful job on the description here. You have an excellent sense of when to feed us a detail morsel or two and when to hold back. (My favorite line, for the record, is “He felt hollow, like a glass doll waiting under a heavy hammer.”) You’ve also managed to leave a fair amount of what-was-behind-everything to inference. Perhaps most impressively, Nino reads like the same girl she was in FE7, appropriately aged up into a woman. That’s very difficult to do, and you’ve managed to pull it off. (Though you managed to pull to a close just before any aftermath with Nino….)
The combat is tricky, though. Sometimes the descriptions of magic work very, very well. Other times, it slows down the scene. Combat, especially quick combat, should read equally as quickly; form follows function. Use your mastery of syntax and structure to alter the sentences, not just the words, to lead us into the right pacing. You manage this occasionally, and I want to see more of it.
I'm glad the writing was tolerable. And thanks for bringing my attention to the pacing of the action scenes. I'll review the story with that in mind. It's certainly something I need more practice in.
I'm surprised (and pleased) both you and @Jotari seem to think Nino's personality came through. I was very concerned about her lack of depth, though as you mentioned her story fades out without proper closure. Originally I planned on killing her off, and obviously I never came up with a satisfactory alternative direction for her. I'll keep thinking about a better way to tie everything up.
On 4/14/2017 at 3:30 PM, eclipse said:I'm intentionally not saying which piece I wrote. because I want to see just how strong my writing is. Normally, this is the perfect way to do so - blind reviews and votes. The votes tell me I need to improve. The reviews don't have much to offer, in terms of what I need to improve on.
Hence why I'm annoyed. I want an honest review, because it's obvious that my writing is missing something. I'll wait until after the voting.
I think @Jotari and @EllJee (sorry if I forgot anyone else) wrote solid, honest reviews for everyone. Though I'm sorry I likely contributed to your frustration by pretty obviously sidestepping writing any criticism. I didn't trust myself to make in-depth constructive feedback, which from the sounds of it is what you're after. I think I was too cautious in trying to avoid accidentally discouraging anyone with unsolicited criticism, especially as multiple people have since made it clear they're specifically hoping for feedback from this competition.
Edit: I'm not a skilled or practiced fiction writer. My story isn't exactly tearing up the polls either. But maybe I will go back and at try to write some hopefully decent criticism for each story. I'm not routinely active anyways so I could just come back in a week with my thoughts, still unaware of who wrote which stories (ignoring the few already revealed).
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The patch has been delayed. But Blizzard has launched a public beta. Anyone interested in a match?
I've been using the name lyscalibur on the US server. But I'll happily play on another server if anyone's interested.
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I haven't seen that specifically clarified yet. But personally I'm not going to hold my breath.
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17 hours ago, Orson said:
I still have the old box with the engraved protoss, oh the memories. As someone who was higly disappointed by Wings of Liberty's campaign (I still have to play the Zerg and Protoss bits, maybe when the battle chest's price is lowered) I look forward to replaying it all this summer.
Same here. I got WoL at launch but only played the campaign last year. Considering giving the expansions a shot though, maybe...
12 hours ago, Parrhesia said:Oh man. Well, first up, it runs fine, at a proper resolution, the population cap's now a maximum of 500. I think they got the guys who did some fanmade expansion, Forgotten Empires, to... well, Forgotten Empires is a canon expansion now, and they've made two more (African Kingdoms and Rise of the Rajas) since. It's really great.
That sounds excellent. Think I might poke this at some point!
4 hours ago, Slumber said:Warcraft 1-3 better get this treatment. I mean, Blizzard has basically told us that we'll never see a classic-style Warcraft ever again.
At least Starcraft is still Starcraft.
What have they said/hinted? I never played WarCraft much, but it would be sad if they forever left classic WarCraft for dead.
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On 3/25/2017 at 11:32 AM, Snike said:
Yes, it is. I think I could've done a better job on Alexei, but the idea is that he went to Gallia, and came back with a dozen friends. Given that Terin, nearby, was hosting one of Ashnard's tournaments that day, it isn't a very wild guess as to why he returned with them.
SpoilerYeah, I think you laid down enough clues, at least for readers who mostly remember the canon.
Also, I didn't mention this earlier, but I really like the dual meaning in your title.
8 hours ago, Jotari said:Beyond the Horizon
Well that's coincidental, two Cana's death stories in one tournament. Begs a comparison even if it's unfair. Overall this one was noticeably less predictable. However in a way that made it lot more random than it could have been. Cana's wife showing up kind of came out of nowhere and the fact that she didn't have a name was really awkward. I think I might like Beyond the Veil better overall but this one does seem to have more competent writing (the sense of the snow storm was maintained really well throughout). I should not that fire time bias might also be in effect which is a shockingly powerful thing.
SpoilerFunny how both have Beyond in the titles. Anyways, I agree A Shiver from Beyond (I assume that's what you meant by Beyond the Veil?)is better overall. What do you mean about first time bias though?
With regard to the wife, I was torn about whether I should invent a name for her. I hoped sidestepping the problem by having Canas use a pet name wouldn't feel too inauthentic. Perhaps that wasn't the best decision.
I had at least hoped I'd done an okay job of foreshadowing her appearance. But having never properly established a believable reason for her to be there, I understand it not really having been satisfactory. That's one thing A Shiver from Beyond did quite well. In that story you get a much more solid sense/understanding of why each characters is where they are.
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4 hours ago, eclipse said:
MY CHILDHOOD!
I'm really happy to see Brood War fans here. I always sucked at this game. But I enjoyed the hell out of it for years. Made and played UMS maps and mods, backstabbed in 7v1 comp stomps because I'm terrible, got crushed on PGTour and iCCup, the works! Even played my father over LAN when I got to visit him.
2 hours ago, Jedi said:Maybe we could setup some fun matches and stuff.
That's an excellent idea! I would absolutely be down for that; 1v1, 2v2, FFA, UMS, whatever!
4 hours ago, Parrhesia said:This is incredibly good and cool. Guess they figured out the renaissance AoE2's gotten since its remaster.
How have I not heard about this?! Is it any good? What did they update?
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March 30 patch notes here. The base game will be free. This summer you'll be able to pay for a remastered graphics add-on (the original and remastered versions will be cross compatible).
I'm excited! Anyone else here happy for to an excuse to get back into Brood War?
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8 hours ago, SoulWeaver said:
Yeah, I can't figure out how to get it to reformat to be like the other Google Docs - the format it's in right now is just me hitting "Publish to Web". If anyone can tell me how to fix that and make it look like a normal Doc without locking everyone out because I haven't personally shared it with them, please, PLEASE do so.
It looks like you used "File > Publish to the web..."
Try this instead:- Hit the "Share" button in the top right.
- Click "Get a shareable link"
- Make sure the dropdown says "Anyone with the link can view".
- Copy the link in that window.
This link should keep all of your formatting and be viewable to anyone who clicks on it regardless of whether you've individually shared with them.
Edit: Having a lot of trouble formatting spoilers in quotes in spoilers, so I'm dropping the quotes.
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Ah, I understand now. I had assumed there was no food because I took the claim of the woman who said they can barely feed their families literally. But you had already made it clear the "bargain" was a repeat scenario, and it would continue happening. Given the emotion of the situation, especially in such a moment of public anger, I should have considered the claim was likely hyperbolic.
What kind of feedback were you hoping for?
Storywise, villagers living in fear under the abusive hands of pilfering bandits feels very much like a Fire Emblem kind of opening setting. That the uprising (Chloey's forces) discovered something sinister had already wiped out their enemy after all the time they spent training was an exciting twist. I expected a battle with the bandits, and maybe for something strange to happen during or after battle. You manipulating my expectations like that made the story much more interesting.
Though perhaps because you anticipated writing a series, it felt like the story didn't wrap up as well as it could have. I think that's because the bandits have obviously been dealt with... but everything would have turned out the same for the village if Chloey and company hadn't lifted a finger.
Of course it all depends on how the stories in your series will link up. But you might benefit from making the maids (or the massacre of the bandits) more clearly threatening to the village. That way it will feel like it's good and important that Chloey rounded up an army.
Alternatively, maybe what's really important is that they discovered this great threat to the world. I suspect this is what you were going for. You probably don't have to change much then as the village and bandits subplot just serves as an excuse to get Chloey's forces somewhere they could discover the maids. In this case though I would try to make it clear why there's cause to for concern, in this installment or the next one. Chloey says theres a threat. But as a reader I have trouble appreciating why they can't all just go home and ignore whoever killed the bandits.
In terms of narration, I noticed a mix of present and past tense, at least early on. Either can work. But you might consider sticking to just one to help it flow a little more nicely. -
I had a sneaking suspicion it wasn't a serious piece of writing, but I really enjoyed it. I read it in the office as productive employees do, and ended up faking lots of yawns in an effort to hide my puerile grinning and chuckling.
It took a while to read it all too. And I probably missed some material as I didn't consider there may have been variables. I can only imagine making an interactive story added tremendous overhead. Had you used Twine before? I just poked the web-app and it seems user-friendly, but I can't imagine trying to keep organised the number of strands and loops that you did. -
Ah okay, I see what you were going for! Actually, I was taken aback by her "primal scream" as I didn't think it really matched her character. But in the context of her losing control, implying that's something she has to master as she prepares for real battle, it fits.
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Thanks for explaining all this. I actually remember something about laguz hating branded even more than beorc. I ought to reread all the POR supports as it's been a few years now. Anyways, I think you have a great premise. In light of what you've shared what you were going for makes tremendous sense.
I still wasn't quite getting why Alexei goes mad over his situation from the story. But I think I've figured it out!
Is his having gone to the Ertz Mountains the big clue? I looked it up and realized they're on the Gallian border. It was a major oversight on my part not to consider looking up the geography earlier.
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Which story was yours?
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I haven't given the Draws a thorough look yet, but I remember yours very clearly! Like @unique, I was impressed by the variety of expressions. No one looks the same, which is great as I think that would have seriously thrown the whole piece off.
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Just finished reading all the Writes. My memory is awful, so I wrote summaries to remind me what each story was about. Thought others might find them useful for reference? If not, just ignore them.
I'm mostly going to avoid making substantive criticisms or suggestions. But I distilled some of the questions and (the mostly positive/encouraging) thoughts I jotted down while reading.
SPOILERS AHOY!
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Summary
Lucia is practicing swordplay when Master Garloche gives her a real sword and commands her to kill a boar. She hesitates, but ends up disemboweling the boar in anger. Though Master Garloche praises her, she flees to her room in disgust. There, her father reminds her she studies swordplay not to kill but to protect Elincia in defense of "a cause worth dying for".
Thoughts
Lucia, Master Garloche, and even Count Delbray came across as having distinct voices, motivations, and backgrounds. That's no mean feat for such a brief story. Though I fear I misunderstood the scene with the boar though. Did Lucia attack so viciously because she's seeing the boar as a substitute for the jeering students who have so little confidence in her?
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Summary
Canas and his wife Tali climb a mysterious mountain to confirm the existence of a magic shrine. Upon discovering it's a tomb, Canas tries to commune with the 'demon' on the other side. Their guide, Volf, warns a snowstorm will trigger an avalanche that will destroy the town their son is in. Canas trades his life to the demon so he and Tali can stop the storm.
Thoughts
Perhaps I misread him, but I wasn't convinced by Volf casually recognizing the storm as a once in a few centuries event. He seemed bizarrely cavalier about the whole situation. That aside, the premise was solid and Canas's personality came through clearly. I was impressed with some of the imagery, such as the endless library at the beginning and what Canas experiences as he struggles to endure the demon.
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Summary
With his knowledge of the three Fates routes, Arilon (as Corrin) negotiates the formation of a joint-Nohrian/Hoshidan splinter group. They leave the two armies, which are on the verge of battle, and enter Valla, a mythical kingdom at the bottom of the Bottomless Canyon. They continue onward, seeking a way to combat the third party pushing their own two kingdoms to war.
Thoughts
What a fascinating combination of theorycraft, self-aware stream of consciousness, and first person narration. I only wish the formatting were friendlier to wide screens. And unfortunately Birthright is the only Fates game I've played, so I don't know what were and weren't new ideas.
I think some interactions were more credible than others. Though it was curious watching characters being manipulated into engaging in such uncertain tactical negotiation. Shame the story was cut short (presumably due to time constraints?).
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Summary
Anna steals Robin's clothes, forcing him to chase after her through the camp. He suspects something is off when Chrom lends his own clothes and they fit perfectly. But he continues tracking Anna until she leads him to a tent where a surprise birthday party awaits him.
Thoughts
This isn't the most thought provoking story I've ever read. But it succeeds at being silly and fun (as obviously it's meant to be).
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Azel's Epilogue (Chapter 1 | Chapter 2)
Summary
Azel and his son Arthur make their way to Velthomer for Arthur's ascension. Azel dreams of events before his magic induced sleep. The memories continue welling up as he struggles to cope with how Velthomer changed in his absence. He ends up offering to free Arthur and his fiancee Fee from the responsibilities of Dukedom, going so far as to force a duel to settle the matter.
Thoughts
I'm only vaguely acquainted with the Jugdral characters (embarrassingly I've yet to beat either game). But I found this an insightful look into Azel's confused mind. I love how even though we're watching him so closely, even spying on his dreams, and we can only guess at what he's really thinking.
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Summary
After Rezzy stands up to Lord Daniel for being weak on pillaging bandits, Chloey forms a squad to defend the town. One recruit, Nym, discovers the bandits have been wiped out by two magic-wielding maids. Chloey's army arrives to battle the maids, but they teleport to safety.
Thoughts
I found this story funny but slightly confusing. I was surprised the food-starved villagers were throwing tomatoes instead of rocks. And I suspect there are in-jokes I'm not getting (got the Mulan reference at least).
Is the story meant to continue? I'm curious what was up with the maids. Though maybe I'm just dense and that was hinted at by the threat alluded to at the end?
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Summary
Canas is studying an old wizard's notes when Nino shows up convinced her mother is out in the snowstorm. They search for her and discover it's Canas's wife, and she's been possessed by something. Canas forsakes his intellectual pursuits in a desperate effort to free her from the possession.
Thoughts
Eh. I participated. Can't believe I introduced multiple typos in my last minute fix-ups last month. There's a lot I could have done more clearly (kicking myself for following a stupid convention and not capitalizing the wife's pet name). And Nino really deserves something resembling a personality. But reading it again, it was fun noticing the similarities between this and A Shiver From Beyond.
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Summary
Flora miserably prepares for Corrin's birthday party as she laments the lack of autonomy and respect afforded her. As her frustration grows, her ice powers act up and disrupt the party. Xander confronts her, and subsequently makes a token effort to help her clean while reminding her that his family too lack control over their lives.
Thoughts
I love how this piece addressed the topics of servitude, respect, and objectification. And the scattered bits of humor fit in nicely! The narration was pleasantly consistent too: firmly and clearly from inside Flora's head.
Though I couldn't help noticing the story was sometimes a bit descriptively obvious. I'm not sure how to describe it, but sometimes it felt like the author didn't trust the reader to pick up things. Just one example: "...but Flora didn’t want to be a part of a set; she wanted to be her own person" essentially repeats the same thing twice, and it feels like overly exacting clarification rather than stylistic repetition. But I'm nitpicking; it doesn't hurt the story at all, and maybe others disagree with me; I just don't think it was strictly necessary.
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Summary
Lilina and Lord Eliwood try to help Roy revert to normal after he begins transforming into a dragon. Lilina asks Sophia for help while Eliwood stalls Queen Guinevere of Bern whom Roy is due to welcome to Pherae. Sophia helps Roy understand the nature of his condition and seal his powers in his mother's dragonstone. Upon Queen Guinevere's entry, he embraces his birthright and rights a historical wrong.
Thoughts
You know the feeling when overwhelming awe at the intricacies that led up to the big reveal in a complicated book or movie hits you right in the gut? I got that awe three pages in just from the writing style. The last time that happened was when I read the Gormenghast series.
There were a couple extraordinarily minor items I'd have handled differently. But reading this piece was an absolute joy. Both the writing and the story were masterful. Thank you for sharing your work.
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Summary
A once lost princess has been learning to navigate court life with her new husband. She realizes this isn't the life she wants. But her regrets have come too late. She feels trapped by what should be a "fairy tale ending".
Thoughts
I'm confused about the princess's internal conflict over having married her "prince charming" rather than her "knight in shining armor". I have a few hypotheses, but I'm not sure if any are right. This is entirely my fault for never finishing FE4. So I'm going to revisit this piece later. The premise is lovely (and sad), and I'm eager to reread it once I've more thoroughly acquaint myself with the lore and characters of the Jugdral games.
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Summary
Eliwood and Hector march towards Caelin where, unbeknownst to them, Lyn has just been routed by Darin's forces. Lyn's pegasus knight friend Florina flies for help and spots Eliwood's company. She asks for help and Eliwood prepares to retake Castle Caelin.
Thoughts
I love this. It's brilliant! Why has no one mentioned it yet?!
I never studied classics, but I picked up on a pleasing consistency of meter, language, and description throughout the entire piece. Though I have to ask, how long did this take to write?!
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Summary
Chiki (Tiki) waits to hear back from an infiltration team trying to recover her stolen diamond. Meanwhile, the team is attacked by cyborgs. They manage to defeat the cyborgs and reclaim the diamond.
Thoughts
This was undoubtedly one of the more inventive settings. Unfortunately I think it suffers from slightly too much authoritative description. Just one example: "...she thought as she struggled not to lose consciousness" is plain and direct, whereas "...she thought, her vision blurring as the pain threatened to overwhelm her" would have implied the same situation in perhaps a slightly more compelling way. I think tiny tweaks like that would make the writing much stronger!
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Summary
Hector arrives in Pherae to celebrate the approaching birth of Eliwood's child. That evening, portals open in the sky, dropping monsters and a red-haired boy. Hector and Eliwood charge off to fight the monsters. The boy, named Roy, follows.
Thoughts
This feels like a teaser from a larger story. It leaves me curious why the portals appeared and how Eliwood and Roy will interact. In the beginning, I think some of the dialogue could have been more convincing. For example: "Still as shy around men as ever, huh?" felt a bit forward and crass for Eliwood. But maybe that's just me.
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Summary
While Mozu is reflecting on her mother's death earlier that day, a monster attacks her. Fortunately, she's saved by a swordsman. She subsequently resolves to avenger her family and town by fighting the monsters.
Thoughts
An interesting peek inside Mozu's head at the time of her recruitment.
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Hatari Investigations – An Interactive Adventure
Summary
Volug and Tauroneo enter Hatari and become private investigators. Depending on your choices, they investigate an armor counterfeiting ring at a floating hotel or the mysterious disappearance of Queen Nailah.
Thoughts
This was... stupid. But I enjoyed the hell out of it! It was hilarious despite (or maybe because of?) the plethora of well incorporated in-series jokes and critiques. Tauroneo's confusion over his lance failing to magically reappear and a slant against the casualization of the series spring to mind. I kept a chart to make sure I made it through every path. Honestly, I thought I wouldn't like it, but I really enjoyed reading and navigating the whole story.
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Summary
A farmer girl, Ada, dreams of being a lord, and wants to enter a sword-fighting competition as an excuse to travel. Alexi shows up and presents her with Eirika's blade. They begin a journey to the capital that will someday lead to Ada becoming a historian of Johanna.
Thoughts
I'm undecided on how to approach this one. There are no significant conflicts, so it reads like a wish fulfillment fantasy. This makes it rather unlike most of the other stories. Are these established characters from somewhere, or are they unique just to this story?
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Summary
Kana's father bandages Kana's leg after she's injured in the Deeprealm. Suddenly, he is then attacked by an outlaw, whom he kills with great regret. He then reveals he feels worthless as a leader who can't actually stomach killing, but his Hoshidan allies rally around him in support.
Thoughts
Exploring the cognitive dissonance of a respected military leader who is morally and emotionally opposed to killing people is a great idea. I think the games overlook this topic, even when they try to mention it.
But personally, I think this story doesn't quite make it yet. The framework is there, but the situations and dialogue feel a little contrived. Why is a random outlaw arbitrarily trying to kill the protagonist? Why is he more upset at having killed the attacker than his home and family having suddenly been thrust into mortal danger? I think exploring these questions, or at least acknowledging them, would go a long way toward bolstering the credibility of the story.
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Summary
The protagonist uses Samto as a crutch for remembering Navarre. But she knew the real Navarre well enough that illusion never lasts for long. Samto confides he uses her too. He feels trapped believing the world needs him to be Navarre, but she reminds him he's not just a copycat.
Thoughts
For some reason I didn't take to this story the first time I read it. But I think I was just being dense. It really clicked the second time! The more I think about it the more wonderful I think it is.
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Summary
Zihark is lamenting the advancement of Daein occupation when a boy trying to hire a mercenary reminds him of his training. A conflict between himself, his secretly laguz teacher Moto, and laguz hunters, results in him rescuing a laguz girl. They fall in love, but she is soon felled by Daein soldiers. In the present, Zihark's curiosity is piqued when he notices the boy from before helping a cornered laguz in the street escape.
Thoughts
I was initially confused about the progress of time. But everything snapped into place when I finally realized the entire middle section was a series of flashbacks. I wasn't fond of some of the exposition dumps. I think Kitra's introductory monologue on being a servant was a bit long for example. But overall this was a solid piece.
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Summary
A series of vignettes showing the emotional difficulties the Nohrian nobles faced seeking validation from their parents. This includes Elise being rejected by her mother, Camilla having to assassinate a half-sister, and Leo feeling inferior to Xander, among others.
Thoughts
Poor Elise! I feel awful for her! Though some of the stories seemed to contradict each other. Why are Corrin and Kamui in a dungeon? Who does Camilla kill for her mother? Perhaps I'm just confused because I haven't finished the Fates games yet. I'm going to read up on them thoroughly this week before rereading this piece.
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Summary
Petrine, an accomplished hunter, expresses a desire to join Daein's army. Shortly thereafter, her laguz father Alexei returns home with a posse of laguz. Enraged, he tries to kill her to "get his claws back" and become whole. After Petrine single-handedly defeats them, she is recovered by Ashnard and the Black Knight.
Thoughts
I liked the concept. But I didn't understand why Alexei thought killing Petrine would achieve anything. That's the one thing that makes me hesitant about this story. Alexei's ambush was so sudden and random. With no indications of prior malice, I'm left wondering what could possibly have been going through his head.
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The Path of Conquest and Dragon Pokemon
Summary
Corrin and Azura inexplicably turn into Salamence and Altaria. No one acknowledges the transformations, though Salamence wreaks havoc before being brought back to Castle Krakenberg. He kill Garon, which upsets his siblings. But all is forgiven after he and Altaria defeat Anankos.
Thoughts
I don't know what I expected but it wasn't this.
Edit: Just noticed this comes across negatively which wasn't my intention. Obviously this story was written to be over-the-top silly. I found the Nohrian siblings' reaction to Salamence taking a bite out of Garon particularly funny.
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Summary
Seliph's liberation army and Prince Cimbaeth's forces defeat Beige Ritter's army together. Cimbaeth explains why they should see the Loptyrian Sect as their common enemy and they join forces. After many battles, they march on Belhalla where Cimbaeth tries to kill Prince Julius.
Thoughts
Cimbaeth's expositionary speech takes up half the story. Personally, I thought the detail in his speech was a little excessive, though it is successful at laying out the development of Cimbaeth position on things since King Batur's death. I'm sorry to admit I not the kind of person who's generally smitten by lore/world-building.
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Summary
Renault confronts Nergal over his treatment of morphs as tools. Nergal decides to treat Renault worse, 'resurrecting' his friend and leaving him alive to suffer his anguish. Limstella meanwhile thinks over how best she can serve Nergal.
Thoughts
I always assumed Limstella was a more recent morph, but I may be mistaken as I'm not sure that was ever explicitly clarified.. In any case, it was neat reading a Fire Emblem inspired play script. And I liked that you gave a peak into Limstella's (admittedly predictable) head. I had never considered how a morph (aside from Sonia) might think.
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Summary
Eliwood is constantly on the lookout for ways to extend Ninian's life. Eventually, he uses a spell that trades his life for hers. Ninian is devastated. All she wanted was to live with Eliwood. But eventually she finds joy in raising their son Roy.
Thoughts
Ninian didn't really come across as having a personality beyond her love for Eliwood. But I suppose that's not too important here, and I felt for her regardless. Having traded away her immortality to live with Eliwood only to feel forced to live without him so as not to disrespect his sacrifice was a cruel but fascinating twist. And it's effective because I think it's a very credible interpretation of how Eliwood could have acted.
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Copy Ninian SR, and Series 8 Tharja and Chrom as already mentioned.
I was also struck by the art for Lilina's SR+. Hector's SR+ is neat too.
No idea if they're any good though. Only managed to play a couple times.
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Unfortunately it looks like sensibly self-serving policy. The incident in Rotterdam was after the revocation of the foreign minister's landing permission, right? And the AKP have already trying to drum up support at home and publicity amongst the Turkish diaspora in Europe for Erdogan's power-grab referendum. Surely it was anticipated provoking another incident would accomplish this by creating an excuse to berate the Netherlands for insulting Turkish democracy, which has obviously made both national and international news.
I mean, the threat of Turkey imposing sanctions isn't credible. Hell, the Netherlands invests in Turkey more than any other country. But even the opposition is condemning the Netherlands. So it's evident this conflict has succeeded in capturing politically significant nationalist passions amongst Turks (at least in Turkey).
Of course it ought be fairly considered whether the Dutch politicians involved should have acted differently, or if current laws are inadequate for this situation. But I don't believe the Netherlands behaved strangely. The demonstration was stopped because of the threat to public safety as a result of the manner in which the demonstration was being held.
So I guess it depends on how how you weigh freedom of speech and assembly versus public safety concern, and in this case if you trust how the public safety risk was determined.
As for how to deal with Turkey's provocations... in a sense, the Netherlands, Germany, and Austria (so far) are being treated like pawns, whether or not they allow demonstrations, though none of it unwittingly, and I'm not convinced any real action would be helpful. I would think it's best for them to hold their ground diplomatically, let these events blow over, and see what happens after Turkey has its referendum. But I'm really curious what others think the response should be, especially you Netherlanders!
Anyone got any "food hack" recipes that are original?
in General
Posted
Usually when I experiment in the kitchen the results are horrifying. But sometimes I'm lucky and hit on something worth making again.
There was a year when I had kimchi on cheese and crackers (with or without salami) perhaps twice a week. I discovered it after I tried making kimchi and overdid the spice. I wanted a way to temper the heat so I wouldn't have to throw it out. Turns out a slice of cheddar cheese does the job perfectly!